I'm so going to win....

[lls_mutant]

...he just doesn't know it yet.

Apparently, Toby and I are in a battle of wills. He is absolutely, positively refusing to eat table food, with two exceptions: graham crackers and animal crackers.

The fact that he will eat these two crackers- not necessarily the easiest of foods to chew- tells me he is perfectly capable of eating table food. However, when presented with anything else, he promptly throws it on the floor. It's not an issue of not liking it- he doesn't even put it in his mouth. And usually, in a fit of annoyance and despair, I give him his jarred baby food.

I called the doctor today about it, and apparently, Toby doesn't want the effort or is for some other non-health reason rebelling against this change in his diet. The doctor said that this isn't a food issue or a developmental issue- this is an authority and limits issue. So it is time to start the "you eat what's put in front of you or you don't eat at all" strategy. He said still give Toby his formula (he gets them at certain times a day), but don't give in and give him jarred food at this point. When he gets hungry enough, he'll eat.

I rather suspected this was going to be his advice. (It was going to be that or "give up for a little longer and he'll come around.") I don't question it, because it makes sense, and I can totally see Toby testing limits now that he's walking. He'll walk over to someplace he's not supposed to be (like the garbage can), turn around and look at me, and laugh. He is TOTALLY testing me. (Which means I'm a lazy parent, right pfrsue? :) Sorry. MRFH joke.) And I am not giving in. Although I really, really, really feel like crying and like I'm a total failure at this. (He's not much on using his cup right now, either, but let's get the food going first.)

He's gonna be one heck of a two-year-old....

Comments

[misscake]

Oh, don't feel like a failure! The fact that he's testing you means he's developing normally and doing what he's supposed to at this age.

It's also incredibly frustrating.

He won't starve to death and he'll learn the limits and that you are in charge. Promise.

And then he'll start testing you on something else. :D

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

He won't starve. They don't. And he'll keep testing you, and it's nothing to do with you as a person, it's about him as a person - remember he wants you to set those limits, however bloody exhausting it is. He's searching for routines.

(A very dear friend of mine burst into tears and stuffed the child in the playpen for the afternoon when she had an omelette she'd cooked for her two-year-old hurled at her with 'Don't want Mummy's omelette! WantDaddy's omelette!' She said she had never felt so inadequate ever before.)

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

Just wishing you good luck! 'Cos I failed at all that stuff. :(

But it'll definitley work, every parent I know who stuck to their guns found eventual success.

[shaggydogstail.livejournal.com]

You reallly aren't the least bit of a failure of a parent for having a child who acts completely normally, you know. Kids testing the limits is frustrating, but it shows they are developing normally and using their intelligence--you wouldn't really want a uber-easy baby who grew up to be a passive lump, would you?

The doctor's advice is good, though I'd add that it's really important not to let it become a battle of wills. If he doesn't want to eat what you give him, shrug and take it away, then do something else. He'll eat when he's ready if he doesn't think he's getting to you.

[aome.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA.

Sorry. But if parents were failures every time their kid tested them, we'd all have been fired ages ago. :P Truthfully, the fact that your child is testing you means you're probably doing something right - as long as you continue to set limits and make clear what's acceptable and what isn't. Otherwise, it's not 'testing', it's 'running amok'. So - stick to your guns, it's what they need.

I agree with your pediatrician. Offer him appropriate People Food, and if he throws it, that's the end of the meal. He'll figure it out, and he won't starve to death. Can't tell you the number of meals that have been cut short due to inappropriate behavior over here (Two had one tonight, in fact) and, oddly enough, my children are still alive and thriving. :)

[pfrsue.livejournal.com]

I thought I was the bad parent! ;)

This is the part of parenting where you can either be frustrated and angry, or dust off your sense of humor and set aside your dignity. At his age, he's certainly bright enough to understand "no" and "yes", but it's still way early for, "eat your supper because children are starving in third world countries".

My suggestion is to make it a game. (I mean, I know that kid has a whale of a sense of humor!) Here's a thought: Steal a piece of his food. Admire it. Be sneaky about hiding it in your hand. Give him sly glances. Giggle. Eat it up like it's better than cheesecake. Lip smacking, eye rolling, mmm mmm good. Be dramatic. Make him laugh. Do it again. And again. Then give him the opportunity to "steal" a piece off your plate. (I know, but you can deal with grand theft ravioli after he gets the idea that eating regular food is fun as well as tasty.) Kids do learn my imitation. If you act like it's terrific fun to eat the things on his menu, he might very well see the light. (And yes, leave the jar food in the cupboard. It's not an option if you've already served him something else.)

Also, consider putting a clean plastic tablecloth or something beneath his high-chair, so when he drops his supper, it can still be salvaged and put back on his plate.

In any case, don't get stressed out about it, okay? Save it for when he's two. Or fifteen, for that matter. ;)

Sue

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Hello! I am a lurker, delurking briefly because I worked in Early Intervention, and had occasional contact with feeding issues. An additional thing to do is praise him every time he makes another step towards eating the new food. Praise him if he looks at it, first; then if he touches it; and so forth. And you're probably already doing this, but keep presenting the same foods to him. A baby will eat something after he's seen it some ridiculously high number of times. (I think somewhere between 8 and 10.)

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

Toby won't starve if he misses a couple of meals. Babies are remarkable like that. May as well get used to it now. He's going to be testing your limits right until he moves out of the house. *g*

[marilla82.livejournal.com]

He'll walk over to someplace he's not supposed to be (like the garbage can), turn around and look at me, and laugh.

Elizabeth does the same thing. She'll wait for you to look at her and then do whatever it is that she's not supposed to do. She won't do it unless you're looking at her, though.

She'll also throw a tantrum (crying and screaming on the floor) and if you get up and walk away, she'll stop crying, get up, find you, and then throw herself on the floor again. She's only sixteen months. *shakes head*

As for the food, she's always been a really good eater. But, if she doesn't want something, she'll look right at you, take it out of her mouth or off her plate, hold her arm out, and drop the food on the floor.

In the other vein, she'll walk around, giving out kisses to everyone in the house, including the two cats. She helps pick up her toys and she says thank you when you give her something (food, drink, toys, etc...).

Yay for babies!

[minnow-53.livejournal.com]

Oh, great empathy here! I failed miserably at this part of parenting, as at so many others, because it really got to me. I'm glad to hear you've had some reasonable advice, because they do have to eat something in the end. It seems like this phase will go on forever while you're battling through it, but there will come a time when it's over, and Toby is eating normally and you'll be able to relax again...till the next phase kicks in.

^_^xx

[krabapple.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. *hugs*

I don't really have much good advice other than what you've already gotten. As a two year old teacher, I just wanted to say I'm counting on you to set limits now, so I or someone like me has to do less of it in a year or so. :)

In all seriousness, though, you are right that it is a complete battle of will. Playing with food or making it a game might work, if you can crack his battle will with a sense of humor. If not, you're right, missing meals, even for more than the two days it is now isn't going to hurt him. Kids really do eat when they're hungry; he's very good at regulating his needs that way, even now.

I know it's hard. I can't even imagine what I'll be like with my own child. I feel mean just when a kid doesn't like what we're serving for snack at school. But, if I say that's what we have today, and that's all we have, nine times out of ten a child will choose to eat what we have. Toby will, too.

If you need anything, please let me know. Good luck and big, big *hugs*. Positive reinforcement will also work wonders here, too, probably. Getting praise for doing the "right" thing and eating his "grown up food" will go a long way. :)