Accidentally In Love, Part IX

[lls_mutant]

***

“You’re doing what?” Sirius demanded.

“Working at the Dragon Rider Pub.” Remus said it like it was no big deal as he shrugged off his robe and wriggled out of his jeans.

“Remus, are you out of your mind?”

“No. I’m out of money.” Sirius went silent at that, and Remus turned around to see his stricken face. “What? You know Caradoc wasn’t paying me much. It’s why I moved in here. But I couldn’t save much and most of what I had saved is gone and-“

“You should have said something.” Remus shook his head, looking away. “I mean it,” Sirius continued. “You’ve been giving me money for rent and buying half the food and everything. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t want to be a kept man,” Remus answered.

Silence.

He turned around to see Sirius, flushed red and clearly angry. “What?”

“Is that what it would be to you? If I helped you out a little? Like me paying you for sex?”

“Well…”

“I can’t believe you’d even think that!”

“Hey!” Remus pulled up straight, regardless of the fact he was standing dressed only in boxers and socks. “I told you from the very beginning I didn’t want to be dependent on you!”

“Yeah, but to think I’d be paying you for sex? Come on, Remus, what sort of opinion do you have of me?”

“Of you?” Remus stopped suddenly, the reason for Sirius’s anger finally penetrating his skull and seeping into his brain. “It’s not about you, Sirius. It’s about me.”

“Sure doesn’t seem that way,” Sirius growled, snatching up a t-shirt.

“Wait- where are you going?”

“Who said I’m going anywhere?”

“You’re getting dressed.” Remus’s heart began to hammer an odd beat.

“I’m not sure I want to share a bed tonight with someone who thinks my only concern for him is sex.”

“That is NOT what I said!”

“Well, why else would you get so worked up about it?”

“Why else? Sirius, I haven’t had a paycheck in months! I have seven Sickles to my name, and before tonight no way whatsoever of getting any more! I’ve had seventy-two rejections, and when I finally do get a job, piss-poor as it may be, you tell me I’m out of my mind?”

“Well, it’s still pretty shabby of you to assume that I’m going to kick you out on your arse unless you don't pay halves on everything!” Sirius retorted, face flushed with an ugly red as he yanked the shirt over his head. “I’ve been ready for this.”

“What?” Remus turned enough to gape at him.

“Oh, come on, Remus. We’ve known this day was coming. Frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier.” Sirius jammed his foot into a boot, cursing as he realized it was the wrong foot.

“Say that again,” Remus said, eyes narrowing.

“Don’t give me that shit, Remus. You’ve known this day was coming.”

“So you’re saying I deserve this. That I should have been better prepared.” Remus crossed his arms over his bare chest, and Sirius threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Would you stop twisting everything I’m saying?”

“Why? You did it to me.”

“ARGH!” Sirius threw his hands up. “I’m going to James’s,” he snapped, and stomped out of the room.

Remus sat in the messy bedroom, suddenly cold in the wake of the argument. They hadn’t fought like this in years… certainly not since they’d become lovers. The fire drained out of him leaving him with a cold, bitter wrenching somewhere between his stomach and his throat. He got up and crept out into the living room, but no Sirius. Only a fire burning, and sprinkles of Floo powder on the carpet.

***

It was late when Sirius arrived home. James had offered to let him spend the night, but Sirius had the suspicion Remus wouldn’t sleep until he was back. Not that he could blame him. These days, no one wanted to sleep without knowing where their loved ones were.

James had been soothing, even if there had been a bit of smugness there that Sirius was finally the one begging for relationship advice. Lily, on the other hand, had calmed Sirius down with tea and gentle pats on the arm and sympathetic eyes, and then a stern reminder that Remus probably was looking at it from his own perspective, and that Sirius might have blown things a little out of proportion. She said it in such a way that Sirius felt more a heel for not admitting that she was right than he ever would have for what he’d said.

Really, when you thought about it, it was all very silly and stupid. And as both James and Lily pointed out, not important when your life was on the line every day.

The flat wasn’t completely dark; Remus had left a candle burning in the living room. Sirius blew it out and crept into their bedroom.

Remus was asleep, curled on his side and so far over on his side of the bed he was in danger of falling off. Sirius shucked off his clothes and eased under the covers, wrapping his arm around Remus’s waist and pulling him back to center.

“Sirius?” Remus murmured, his eyes slitting open.

“It’s just me,” Sirius said softly. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier.”

Remus turned over to face him, rubbing his eyes. “I am too. It’s just-“

Sirius quieted him with a finger over his lips. “You’re tired and scared, I’m tired and scared, and we’re both under a lot of stress. We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean.” Remus nodded, the light of the candle on Sirius’s nightstand reflecting off his eyes. “Let’s not worry about it. It’s over.”

“But the money-“

“Listen. You tell me what you can afford, and we’ll work it out from there, okay?”

“All right.” Remus’s voice sounded very small in the darkness. Sirius nuzzled the place where his jaw met his neck, trying to reassure. “Sirius… I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

And there was nothing more to do than to show Remus just how much he knew, and just how sorry he was as well.

***

The sun burst through the watery clouds just in time to light the first Quidditch match of the Wimborne Wasps’ season. James was in his element, now starting as a Chaser. The stands were well over half-full already and more people were filing in when Sirius and Remus took their seats.

“I can’t believe Peter gave up his tickets for today,” Sirius said, scanning the field. “He’s crazy.”

“Tina,” Remus said heavily, although he tried to restrain the dislike in his voice. “She got him to do it. They had some… thing… to go to.”

“Yeah, what was that, anyway? Hey, here come the Potters.” Sirius’s face lit up as he waved. Remus smiled wistfully as James’s parents climbed the stands, followed closely by two people he vaguely remembered as Lily’s parents.

The Potters gestured very politely to the two Evanses to enter the row before them. Mrs. Evans’s cheeks were red with the spring wind and she looked nervous, although Mr. Evans looked significantly more at ease. Mrs. Potter had her cloak pulled tightly around her shoulders. She smiled at Remus and Sirius. Her smile was definitely wider and warmer for Sirius, although Remus didn’t mind.

“Where’s Peter today?” Timothy Potter asked, rearranging the seats so he sat beside Mr. Evans.

“He never really said what he was doing,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“Something with his girlfriend,” Remus muttered.

“Oh, that nice Lovegood girl?” Mrs. Potter seemed far more interested than either Sirius or Remus ever would have been. “She and James and her brother always got along so well; I’m glad Peter is still seeing her. Any chance of either of you finding a nice girl one of these days?”

Sirius and Remus looked at each other for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

“Well, no need to get snippy,” Mrs. Potter said, but she didn’t seem offended. “There’s plenty of time for the two of you, isn’t there?”

“And as much as you think Prongs changes, some things never do, do they?” Sirius murmured into Remus’s ear. Mrs. Potter had turned back to the conversation between Mr. Potter and Mr. Evans, but Mrs. Evans arched an eyebrow at them in a manner so reminiscent of Lily catching them doing something wrong in Gryffindor Tower that Remus edged away from Sirius without even thinking about it. Some things never quite changed, indeed.

Fortunately, the announcer began his opening spiel about the teams and the mascots rushed out onto the field. Sirius and Remus began arguing about the Seekers, and the adults dropped into a boring conversation in the background. There was something about being here, the two of them together, that made the world creep off into oblivion and fade into unimportance, even if they were just talking and laughing at a Quidditch game instead of curled around each other in their flat.

The game was anything but a disappointment, with lots of action, a close score, and no appearance of the Snitch for quite some time. Remus was actually starting to get a bit restless and sore in the bum when Mrs. Evans prodded him.

“Remus, is there a concession stand or something?”

“Down the stairs and to the right,” Sirius piped up, and flipped two sickles at Remus. “Get a bag of Beans and a butterbeer for me, too, will you?”

Slightly annoyed because it meant missing the game, and because Sirius had given him enough for two butterbeers, the Beans, and a Never-Ending Pretzel Twist as well, Remus stood up. His legs were grateful, and so, apparently, was Mrs. Evans.

“Not the most comfortable seats, are they?” she asked.

It was somewhat awkward to walk with her, in a way that he could never explain to anyone else because the ring Lily gave him was a constant reminder of a promise he kept. He unconsciously kept glancing at the Quidditch pitch, straining to see the game. He felt Mrs. Evans’ eyes on him, but she didn’t say anything until they reached the stand.

“Do you know what you want?” he asked her. She was staring at the bright packages behind the bored saleswizard with wide eyes.

“I’m not sure what everything is,” she admitted.

“Yeah, my Mum never got it sorted out, either,” Remus admitted with a smile, even though there was a tug on his heart as he spoke. “What do you fancy? We can figure it out from there.”

Mrs. Evans shrugged and stepped to the side to allow other people access to the stand. “Your mother passed away recently, right?” Remus looked away. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“It’s all right,” Remus lied, forcing a smile. “She was a Muggle though, so…” he trailed off, because there was no real ending to that sentence. They stood in awkward silence.

“Well,” Mrs. Evans finally said, a brisk tine in her voice. “Want to explain wizarding refreshments to me?

***

The match was still exciting, but Sirius was restless with Remus and Mrs. Evans gone, and their two empty seats between him and the other three adults. So when he caught sight of Kingsley Shacklebolt waving to him from a few sections away, he slipped out of the row and over to the other set of stands.

“Black.” Shacklebolt was relaxed and friendly, a small boy clinging to his hand. “Enjoying the game?”

“Yeah. My best friend’s one of the starting Chasers,” Sirius said.

“Hear that?” Kingsley asked the little boy at his side. “Which one?”

“James Potter.”

“I like Potter!” the boy piped up. “He’s one of my favorites!” He had huge dark eyes and dimples- Sirius couldn’t help smiling at him.

“Sirius, this is my son Gabriel. Gabriel, this is Mr. Black. He works with Daddy.” Sirius had to fight down the urge to laugh, both at hearing Shacklebolt talk like that and at hearing himself referred to as Mr. Black in such a serious manner. “And this is my wife,” Kingsley continued, touching a pretty woman on the shoulder to get her attention. “Annabelle, this is Sirius Black.”

“Nice to meet you,” Annabelle extended her hand. “I’ve heard a fair bit about you. Are you here with anyone?”

Sirius flushed. It was always an odd question to answer, especially since he wasn’t sure if Kingsley had heard rumors or guessed, and especially with Mrs. Potter’s ignorance still fresh in his mind. “Just Remus,” he said with a quick shrug. Fortunately, Kingsley had lost any minimal interest he might have had in his co-worker’s social life and was watching the game.

“Potter’s really an excellent flier,” he said to Sirius. “Good reflexes, too.”

Sirius beamed with pride. “He was a reserve last year, but they’re starting him already. He’s got eyes in the back of his head for those Bludgers, and man, his penalty shots! You should see them!”

Shacklebolt chuckled. “What are you, his manager?”

“Funny. James always says that his Quidditch skills are what got Lily to marry him. He’s dead wrong, of course, but we let him keep his illusion.”

“Is his wife here?” Annabelle asked, obviously hopeful for some female company.

Sirius nodded. “She’s got the good seats, way over there.” He pointed to the front row seat where Lily was perched, her red hair a beacon. He couldn’t see her clearly but he’d bet she was watching the game intently and probably chewing in her lip with worry and excitement. “I think she-“

What Sirius thought, the Shacklebolts would never know, because that was when the explosions happened.

Three explosions, simultaneous and thunderously loud. Black smoke billowed ominously towards the bright blue sky, driven higher by terrified screams and panic. The explosions, Sirius was horrified to see, had been in the stands.

He was aware of Shacklebolt thrusting Gabriel at Annabelle and giving her terse instructions. A yellow and black blur caught his eye as James Potter swooped to the stands, hauling his wife onto his broomstick. A woman was sobbing; he could hear her voice clearly, and it pierced through his consciousness and into his soul. And in his nostrils he could smell the thick, metallic scent of smoke and the tang of blood and the sickening stench of charred flesh as the stands burned.

***

Standing at the concession stand behind the stands, Remus and Mrs. Evans had been badly shaken by the explosions but were unhurt. But they were among the first to see them: Death Eaters, by the hundreds, all alike in hooded robes and masks, walking towards the field. When a wizard got in their way, there was a flash of light and a body on the ground in their wake.

Mrs. Evans screamed.

Remus couldn’t blame her, even as he drew his wand up, prepared to fight and quite aware he was very likely to die. Two Death Eaters broke the ranks and advanced towards them, and with cold eyes and a distorted voice and no pause at all one pointed his wand and pronounced “Avada Kedavra,” and Mrs. Evans was lying on the ground, dead, eyes staring sightlessly at the sky. Remus didn’t scream, he didn’t rage, and he didn’t pause, he just flung an Entrail-Expelling curse at the Death Eater in response.

The other Death Eater raised his wand, and Remus took a deep breath. But the Death Eater was shoved out of the way by another of his number, exactly the same except the family ring on his finger.

Regulus pointed his wand at Remus. “Stupefy.”

Remus’s world went dark before he hit the ground.

***

Someone had put out a call to the Auror headquarters, and familiar faces were popping in around Sirius, taking control, trying to calm people. Mediwizards meant for the Quidditch players were running to the stands, trying to help, and everywhere there were people trying to put out the fires.

By chance, or because the mass movement caught his eye, Sirius looked down, and he saw them. The Death Eaters.

He wanted to call out for Remus, but his voice froze in his throat. So many of them. How had Voldemort amassed such a large support? Ranks of them, all in those damned masks and hoods, impossible to tell name or talent or even gender. The chaos was sweeping over the stands, and those who weren’t panicking before were now gripped by terror.

“Sirius.” Damien Lupin had Apparated before him. “Are you all right?”

Sirius dragged his eyes away from the scene on the ground. “I’m fine.”

“Where’s Remus?”

His heart clenched hard in his chest. “He went to the concession stand with Mrs. Evans, but-“
And that was when it hit him- it was them- the section that they’d been sitting in that had exploded and was on fire.

“Oh, Merlin,” he whispered, watching the flames.

But there was no time for personal grief. No time to worry or hope or think- now was the time to act. “Round up as many as you can,” Damien was saying to him and Shacklebolt. “Let others get the people out and worry about the healing. Our job is to catch Death Eaters.”

“Right.”

Damien and Shacklebolt took off down the stairs, and Sirius willed his frozen legs to follow them. The stairs seemed interminable and yet flew by at the same time, and then they were bursting out into the sunlight, ash sifting down on their hair as they faced a field of Death Eaters.

Shacklebolt stopped in his tracks, causing Damien and Sirius to nearly run into him. “Wait,” he said. “What do we do?”

“What do you mean, what do we do?” Damien asked. “We’re Aurors!”

“And that means we’re sitting ducks!”

“Shacklebolt, there are things worth dying for!”

“Lupin, it’s pointless! Look, I don’t mean fighting Voldemort is pointless. I mean charging out there waving our wands into a hundred Death Eaters is pointless. We’ll be killed before we even take out two! We need a strategy!”

“We don’t have time for a strategy. We need-“

Sirius grabbed Damien’s arm. “Look!”

Standing to the side, in a dark corner and watching the proceedings, was a tall man with black hair, distorted features, and black robes. He didn’t wear a mask or a hood, and his eyes glowed with interest at the proceedings.

“That’s him,” Sirius whispered. “Voldemort.”

The new plan was clear. Sneak up on Voldemort, dispatch him, and go from there. The three men exchanged glances, barely needing to speak.

They didn’t get far. There was a flash of light, and a yellow and black blur. Sirius looked up, and he couldn’t scream out or beg or anything else, because fear froze his tongue to the roof of his mouth and choked his throat as James and Lily faced Voldemort, hovering feet off the ground.

Voldemort didn’t laugh maniacally. He didn’t screech for Death Eaters to kill them. He said something- Sirius couldn’t hear it from this distance, but his face was pleasant, with an overlay of mockery. And then he spun his wand and fired, a jet of light shooting at the pair.

Not for nothing was James a starting Chaser on one of the top teams of England. If they’d been on the ground, they surely would be dead… or worse. But a quick evasion, and then both James and Lily were firing back, one green-blue bolt and one red one, and Voldemort was deflecting them with ease. Back and forth, and Sirius was held spellbound by the display, wanting to intervene or stop or sneak up and destroy but afraid that anything he attempted would only hurt James and Lily.

One more crashing lightning bolt, and James veered the broom upwards. Sirius couldn’t read his mind for real, but he knew James well enough to know James knew he was defeated. James might risk his own life, but he’d never risk Lily and their child. And like Shacklebolt had said, it was pointless to die when your death didn’t accomplish a thing.

He wasn’t sure what to do now, and beside him Damien was frozen in the same way. On the field the Death Eaters were disorganized to an extent, some watching Voldemort, James, and Lily, and some focused on the stands and the people that were fleeing the stadium.

He didn’t have to make a decision, because a thestral landed, and an old, familiar wizard was dismounting. There was an explosion of air and light, throwing the Aurors to the ground painlessly. Sirius lifted his head, watching the interchange between the two wizards. Dumbledore looked taller somehow; powerful, like the pictures of Merlin and Rasputin and the wizards of old, when magic was a weapon as much as a tool.

He didn’t know the spells that Dumbledore and Voldemort were throwing back and forth, and he suspected he never would. But he did know it when Voldemort Disapperated, and the Death Eaters followed, like a string pulled to unravel a cloth.

And then the universe breathed again.

***

“Ennervate.”

Remus opened his eyes slowly, sitting up and groaning as he felt the pain in his head.

“Careful,” the person above him said, helping him sit with large, rough hands that were gentle and possessive at the same time.

“Dad?”

“Remus.” His father embraced him tightly. “You’re alive.”

“I think so.”

Damien backed away so he could check for other wounds. Remus sat patiently through the examination, not really wanting to look around as memory returned. “Nothing looks broken, although you have a nasty cut on your head.”

Remus raised his hand to it. “It doesn’t feel serious.”

“No. Just treat it later.”

“I will.”

His father looked at the body beside him, and Remus sighed heavily. “I have to tell Lily, don’t I?” he said.

Damien nodded, and reached over to close Mrs. Evans eyes. “Do you want help?”

Remus considered. “No, I…” but he did want help, because this was news he knew what it felt like to get. But nothing was ever going to change the feeling for her. “Maybe just into the field?”

“All right.”

He struggled to his feet and his father looped his arm around his waist, and together they walked into the field.

***

It seemed like the day would never end.

The Death Eaters were gone, leaving death, destruction, and injury in their wake. The field was unrecognizable, torn up and trampled into mud. The flaming stands were hard to put out, as the fire was magical and required more than just water. Pennants hung in tatters, darkened by the soot that clogged the air. And the people… the people were the worst of all.

Once, Remus had dragged Sirius to the Muggle cinema to see a showing of Gone with the Wind. The beginning of the story had bored Sirius silly, but the Civil War had more than made up for it. He remembered the pleasant chill and fascination he’d felt at the time, watching history unfold before him. As he stood on the ruined Quidditch field, Sirius suddenly felt like he was standing in Atlanta, watching the wounded come in. It was an exaggeration, some part of him knew- there weren’t nearly that many people hurt- but this was also real life.

There had been a bright moment early on, when Remus had staggered towards him, leaning against Damien and with blood smeared on his forehead and matting his dirty hair. His face lit up when he saw Sirius, mirroring the relief in Sirius’s heart. There was time for a quick embrace and a moment to reassure each other that they were alive, and then the work had to begin.

Healers had been summoned, and Remus paired off with Alex Sommers, serving as his second set of hands as he helped tend to the dying and injured. At some point during the horrible day Sirius had caught sight of them, Remus’s strong, gentle hands holding a girl not much younger than them as Alex treated a freely bleeding wound. The girl was white and shivering, but she didn’t cry. Sirus turned away because he could guess what would happen and he didn’t want to see.

Not that his own work was remotely better. The details blurred together through the day in a haze of smoke and sadness, but Sirius could remember the worst moments in his nightmares. A frantic chase of stray Death Eaters, ended when he’d been hit hard with a burning hex that scorched his leg and hip The pain and the smell of burning cloth, hair, and flesh and sickened him so badly he’d been forced to stop, and his leg was useless the rest of the day. He remembered helping to pull people out from the wreckage of the stands, soothing the injured and laying out the dead. He’d found the body parts of a man who’d been hit with some Death Eater curse, and another person whose body was crushed beyond recognition. He’d broken down and wept when he’d found a child mangled under a heavy beam of wood, an unconscious mother clinging to his hand. He later heard that the tally was sixty-three dead, but that day it seemed like hundreds.

But nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what James and Lily had to endure.

After Voldemort and the Death Eaters had gone, James and Lily had returned, terrified and distraught, but resolute. James had gone straight to help with one of the fires and Lily had joined the Healers, as anyone would expect.

It was Lily’s strangled cry he heard first, and he turned to see her standing with Remus, his face pale and calm as he gave her the news that her mother was dead. Sirius wanted to go over and comfort her, but he was helping a man to a healer and couldn’t. And besides, in a show of absolute strength Lily pulled herself together: after a moment of crying on Remus’s shoulder she’d squared her own, tied back her hair again, and gone to do what she could. If Sirius had been wearing a hat at that moment, he would have taken it off to Lily Potter.

But the shrieked, anguished “NO!” that came from the smoldering pile of stands a lifetime later was far, far worse. Sirius had known the voice on a gut level and he’d started hurrying over before his mind even registered that it was James. Lily arrived before he could and Sirius heard her scream, a wail of grief as she turned away and buried her face in James’s chest, sobbing. He held on to her as he crumpled to the ground, rocking her and crying as hard himself.

A heavy hand was on Sirius’s shoulder, and he leaned into Damien Lupin, shaking and trying to shut out a mind that shouted and raged in denial as he looked at the charred corpses of his adoptive parents, the people who had taken him in with no questions asked when he had no place else to go.

***

It was two in the morning when they arrived at James and Lily’s home. Remus helped Lily to bed, gently but firmly insisting that she take a potion Alex had given him specifically, because she needed to sleep for her baby. James sat in an armchair, staring into space, and Sirius sat on the ottoman at his feet, not sure of what to say.

It hadn’t been easy when Peter’s dad had passed away all those years ago, but they’d known what to do on some instinctive level. When Mrs. Lupin had died, Damien had been there as well, and Remus had found his comfort in Sirius’s arms. But now, Sirius was completely adrift, unsure of what to say and his own grief creeping into his mind and threatening to take over. James looked like a child sitting in that large chair, and Sirius had the bizarre urge to wedge himself beside his friend and huddle together like children in a storm. But he stayed where he was.

Remus emerged from the bedroom, tired and dirty and worn. “She’s asleep,” he reported, his voice dripping exhaustion. He came over to the chair, one hand running gently over Sirius’s hair as he faced James. “Are you hurt at all, Prongs?” he asked, indicating a wet bloodstain on James’s sleeve.
James shook his head, eyes still fixed on some point only he could see. Remus sighed and disappeared again, and on the edge of his consciousness Sirius was aware of the sound of clinking bottles and closing cabinet doors before Remus returned with healing supplies, and the sound of running water behind him.

“Let me see the arm,” he ordered, and took it when James didn’t move. “This isn’t bad. Anything else?” James didn’t answer, so Remus checked him over. “Nothing too bad. Come with me.” He maneuvered James up and towards the bathroom, and Sirius heard the water shut off and splash as Remus manhandled James into the bath and gave him strict instructions to wash.

Sirius closed his eyes, sympathy and grief running down the lids and burning the creases. When he opened them, Remus was kneeling at his feet, carefully treating the burnt leg. Sirius reached out and touched his hair.

“This is hard for you,” he realized, his voice rough with unshed tears. “Your Mum….”

Remus shrugged, his eyes fastened on Sirius’s leg. “It is,” he agreed. “But that’s not what’s important right now. How are you doing?”

Sirius was afraid to open his mouth, because if he did he just might start blubbering and that really wouldn’t do at all. Funny, because he’d never thought less of Remus on rare occasions when he’d cried (always after someone died, at least since fifth year), but to cry now, when it was James hurting and James’s grief and James who needed help…. Then Remus reached out and put his arms around him and pulled him close, and although Sirius didn’t break down his chest began to relax and his throat opened up from its painful constriction.

The fire glowing green was all the warning they had before Peter tumbled out into the room, and the broke apart reluctantly. Sirius noticed with dead eyes that Peter was clean, his robes neat and wrinkled only from the day’s wear, his blond hair slightly tousled but not tinged with ash or clotted with blood. But his round face was concerned and anxious, and his hands were wrung together with worry.

“What happened? Is everyone all right? Oh, Merlin, Sirius, that burn! And Remus- what happened to your head?”

Remus put a hand to the cut that was already scabbing over. “We were at the Quidditch game. Did you hear?”

“Of course. It’s on all the WWN stations! I went over, of course, and tried to get in, but they weren’t letting anyone in unless you were a Healer or an Auror or something.”

“Did you tell them you were with the Order?” Sirius asked.

Peter’s face fell. “No. I didn’t even think of it. But I’ve been looking for you all everywhere since! What happened? Where are James and Lily?”

“James!” Remus jumped to his feet. “I’ll be right back.” For the first time all day, Sirius smiled as Remus hastened to the bathroom to rescue their waterlogged friend.

“Sirius?” Peter asked, turning towards him.

“James’s parents were killed in one of the stand fires,” he said in a flat, emotionless voice.

Peter covered his mouth with his hand and sank down to sit on the sofa. “No,” he whispered. “You’re having me on.”

Sirius shook his head.

Peter seemed very far away, and Sirius wondered if perhaps he was flashing back to when McGonagall and Dumbledore told him that his own father was dead. He looked so scared and lost and heartbroken right now that Sirius would bet Galleons that that was the case.

But like Lily, Peter wasn’t a Gryffindor for nothing. He pulled out of the trance with a snap. “Poor James,” he said. “And Lily?”

“Her parents, too. Her father was in the stands and her mother… she and Remus were at the concession stand. They AKed her.”

“But not Remus?” Peter asked with surprise.

Sirius nodded. “Remus said he got the one that killed her with a curse. The next one just stunned him. Probably hoped he’d die in the stampede.”

Peter shook his head, brows furrowed, but he said nothing further as he sank back in the cushions of the sofa. Sirius closed his eyes and let the silence wash over him.

“All right.” Remus finally returned. “James is sleeping in bed with Lily. We should stay here tonight, just in case they need us. Peter, is that sofa a fold out?”

Peter came back to life and felt under the cushions. “No.”

Remus made a face. “Oh well. I’m not tired anyway.”

“Liar,” Sirius and Peter chorused.

Remus smiled. “All right, I am, but I won’t sleep. Padfoot, go get a shower and get cleaned up, then I’ll finish treating your leg and you can sleep on the sofa. Wormtail, want to stay up for a while?”

Peter nodded. “It’s the least I can do.”

***

Sirius had stretched out on the sofa and Remus had taken a shower himself before he settled down in the kitchen. Peter had made mugs of tea and dug out bread, tomatoes, ham, and salad cream and made them a small meal. Remus sat down and took a long sip of the tea gratefully. “Thanks, Peter.”

“You’re welcome.” Peter settled across from him, nibbling on a sandwich. “Sirius isn’t doing too well, is he?”

Remus frowned. “You know how he felt about the Potters. They were like parents to him, and he and James….”

“Do you ever get jealous?” Peter asked wonderingly.

Remus considered the question. It was sort of hard, as his brain was fuzzy and numb. Now that Sirius, James, and Lily were sorted and he was clean and sitting in the brightly lit kitchen with a half-drunk cup of tea on his hands, the exhaustion was catching up to him. His limbs felt loose and a little clumsy, and he was too tired to move much.

“I’ve always been a little jealous of James,” he admitted, the words surprising even him. “But not because of Sirius. I mean, and Sirius just… they’re brothers, and that doesn’t bother me. But James always had everything, and maybe I hated him for that. Not a lot, obviously, but just a little.”

He took another sip of the tea and picked at a sandwich thoughtfully. “When I first met James and Sirius, I hated them both just a little. Well, Sirius partly because he called me a Mudblood, remember? But they were both confident and excited and they laughed all the time and everyone thought they were so good at everything… they were exactly how I wanted to be, you know?”

“I know,” Peter said, his voice neutral.

“But then they… they made me into someone like them. Sort of. They gave me what I never thought anyone could and before I knew it I was like them. It was the greatest feeling in the world.”

“And me?” Peter asked.

Remus leaned his head on his hand, thinking. “You’re a bit like that,” he decided. “But not completely. I felt comfortable with you before I felt comfortable with them, because that’s what you are, Peter. You make people feel safe, and liked, and… did I say safe?”

“You did.” Peter smirked. “And James?”

“Well, don’t tell anyone this, but you know what I remember? Seventh year. Alex and I had just broken up, and I was really upset.”

“You never showed it.”

Remus waved a hand. “Didn’t want anyone to know. Especially because they’d ask why. Want to know why, Peter? I wouldn’t sleep with him, but he got it out of me I’d sleep with Sirius. I was so mad.”

“Were you in love with Sirius even then?”

Remus snorted. “Not likely. I had a crush- Sirius is so gorgeous and… well, he’s Sirius, but I really thought he wouldn’t be like me. I would have slept with him, but I probably would have slept with you or James if you’d asked, too.” Peter looked nonplussed at that, and Remus laughed. “Don’t worry. You’re safe. Anyway, it was such a pansy reason to get dumped, and I remember- I remember standing at the station and thinking that I was already a werewolf, Sirius’s family was terrible, and you’d lost your dad. Damn it, wasn’t it James’s turn for some shit? But no, we skipped him and we were back to me. And then it was my Mum who died, me who got tortured, my boss that got killed… it just feels like it should be someone else’s turn, you know? Of course, it was James’s girl that got raped-“

“Lily was raped, then?” Peter asked, but he didn’t sound shocked.

“You knew that. You were there when we showed up.” Remus was definitely woozy now, his gestures sloppy and his words slurring from his tongue without thought. “But we don’t talk about that. Ever. That’s what Lily wanted, and I’d do anything she wanted, especially after how she’s treated me.”

“Mmm.” Peter took a bite of sandwich. “Anyone know you know?”

“No. Never ever told anyone. Never will, either.”

“I see. So you’ve never been jealous of Sirius and James?” Peter pushed him gently back to the original subject.

Remus shook his head, the kitchen fixtures blurring into lines in his eyes as he did so. “Nope. Not once. Tell you another secret though. Sirius has never told me, but I know. He looked at me first because he knew I was gay. Knew he could get laid with me. I’m sure of it. Wasn’t supposed to be like this, see. We were going to sleep together once-“

“This is too much information-“ Peter’s voice protested from somewhere in the kitchen, but Remus ignored him.

“Just once, just because, well, we were scared. We wanted it to be with each other. But it took forever before we got the chance, and we eventually did it, and somewhere along the way it got more serious and now he says he loves me.”

Peter perked up. “Don’t you believe him?”

“I believe he thinks it. But with Sirius, everything is black and white. He thinks he loves me. And I feel the same about him, whatever that feeling is. And neither of us wants the ring and the soppy stuff. Just the sex and the friendship. The sex is very, very good, you know.”

“Um.”

“Phenomenal. I mean, back when I first realized I was gay, I really didn’t think I’d ever be wanting a cock up my arse, but Wormtail, you should try it. It’s like… like… I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s so fucking great.”

“Okay then. Let’s change the subject.”

“And rimming-“

“I said, let’s change the subject. Sirius said you saw a Death Eater kill Mrs. Evans.”

That sobered Remus’s mood. “Yeah. They used Avada Kedabarara-“

“Avada Kedavra.”

“That’s the one, yes, on her. I got him, though.” Remus’s head was so heavy now that he let it fall to the table, cushioned in his arms. “I got him good. Made his guts twist together.”

“Why didn’t they kill you?”

“Don’t know, but it was Regulus who stunned me.”

“Regulus Black?”

Remus nodded, the grain of the Potter’s table smooth and soft beneath his cheek. “We work together. Dumbledore has me spying on the Death Eaters cause I can do Legil-whootchamawatchie, you know, and Regulus helps me not have to kill people, and I help him.”

“I see. Does Sirius know?”

“Not ‘bout Regulus. Just that I’m doing the spy bit for Dumbledore. ‘Sall. I don’t tell him anything with this, cause he might know too much and if they ever knew, he could be killed. I don’t want anything to happen to my Sirius. Never. It would kill me first and….”

The effort of speaking became too much, and the kitchen spinning forced him to shut his eyes. From across a great distance he heard Peter say, “All right, Remus. Go to sleep. You’ve told me enough for tonight.”

***

Remus woke up the next morning curled uncomfortably in James’s armchair, sunlight streaming through the windows and a headache insisting that getting up wasn’t the best idea. Sirius was still snoring on the sofa, but other than that the place was quiet.

“Peter?”

Peter emerged from the kitchen, holding up a glass of pumpkin juice and his finger to his lips. Remus stumbled towards him gratefully.

“Merlin, I have a headache,” he mumbled as he sat down in the kitchen. “I didn’t think the cut was that bad.”

Peter sighed. “I’m afraid I had something to do with that. Last night, when I made tea, yours was Odgen’s Old that I Transfigured into tea. I knew you wouldn’t drink it otherwise, and you really needed sleep. I didn’t expect you to drink it so fast, though.”

“Oh.” Remus rubbed his forehead. “I don’t remember anything about after we sat down.”

Peter chuckled dryly. “I remember all too well. You gave me a very detailed discourse on gay sex.”

Remus flushed. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes. Anal, oral, rimming- you talked about rimming for quite a long time. But what you really seemed to like telling me was how much you enjoyed- and I quote- having Sirius’s cock up your arse.”

Remus turned bright red and buried his face in his arms.

“It was quite an education, let me tell you,” Peter said.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t usually-“

“I know. Although hearing the word ‘fuck’ come out of your mouth almost made it worth it, just for the shock value.”

“Even when I’m drunk, I don’t normally-“

“Well, you did.” Peter stood up and began washing dishes by hand. “Are you feeling all right? Physically, I mean?”

“Just a massive headache, and the black out. I’m sorry. I really am. I can’t believe I made you listen to that.”

“Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you go check on Lily?”

Remus dragged himself to his feet. “All right. Thanks Peter. For everything last night. You’re the best.”

Peter simply smiled.

***

They lay in bed two nights later, Sirius wrapped around Remus like a clinging vine, and Remus nestled into the embrace. There were sweaty and tired, but the sex had been exactly what they both needed.

“I hope James and Lily are doing this, too,” Sirius commented, tracing a finger down Remus’s thigh.

“And Peter and Tina. If Peter can get it up after what I did to him.” Just the memory of the morning after conversation brought a flush to Remus’s face.

“What did you do?” Sirius asked, nuzzling Remus’s neck.

“The other night, Peter slipped me some firewhiskey, and apparently I got completely pissed and gave him all the details of our sex life.”

Sirius stilled. “Moony, I think Wormtail is pulling your leg.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, one, you never talk about sex when you’re drunk. In fact, if you’re really drunk, you seem to have absolutely no interest in it.”

“Really?”

“Really. And two, Prongs doesn’t keep firewhiskey in the house. Remember how sick he got off it when we had his stag night? He can’t drink it anymore, and Lily’s never liked it.”

Remus sagged in relief. “Oh, thank heavens. I really thought I’d told Peter all that.”

“Did he repeat any details?”

“No, nothing that he didn’t know already.”

“He’s definitely pulling your leg. You’ll have to get him back.”

Remus closed his eyes, smiling. Now that Sirius said it, it seemed so logical. Of course it was a Peter-style joke, probably to attempt to cheer Remus up. And he’d fallen, hook, line and sinker.

“I’ll definitely have to get him back,” he murmured, as Sirius’s nuzzling took on a more exploratory nature. “But not right now.”

“No. Not right now. Much more important things to do.”

Remus smiled. “Exactly.”