FIC: He That Believeth In Me (2/5)

[lls_mutant]

***

But keeping a Muggle from discovering the Wizarding world was the least of Sirius's worries.

"Well, what about dinosaurs?" Remus demanded. "Dinosaurs most certainly existed, unless you're going to claim that the bones are all put there by conspiracy theorists. But the Bible doesn't mention dinosaurs."

"Actually, it does," Gabriel pointed out.

"You're kidding." James popped open another two beers and handed one to Gabriel and took a long swallow from the other himself. "Where?"

"Well, Isaiah 27:1, for a start." Gabriel thumbed through the Bible he'd had to pick up over an hour ago, when Remus had begun his own version of the Wizarding Inquisition (with considerably less torture than the Spanish one). "In that day the Lord with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, and even leviathan that crooked serpent; he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea. That's pretty clearly referring to a kronosauras."

"Technically," Peter slurred, "the kronosaurus wasn't a dinosaur."

Remus high-fived him. Gabriel, however, lit up even more.

"A man after my own heart. You're right, of course, that most people erroneously consider the kronosaurus a dinosaur, but all dinosaurs were land dwellers. But it did exist at the same time. Regardless, that's only one reference to prehistoric critters in the Bible. There are others: Job mentions a behemoth, which fits the description of a brachiosaurus. Most people seem to think it refers to an elephant or a hippo, but a dinosaur makes sense as well, especially when you consider the phrase first in the ways of God. You could interpret that to mean this behemoth was among the first animals created."

"In a day?" Remus shot back.

"Who says God's days are twenty-four hours?" Sirius asked.

"Exactly!" Gabriel held up his hand, and Sirius slapped it.

Peter cleared his throat. "Okay. I think that's enough now. Can we be done with the religious talk?"

"Ask Remus," Gabriel said. "He started it. I would have been content to discuss Manchester United or West Ham."

"Huh?" Peter said.

"Football teams," Sirius hissed.

Fortunately, by that point enough beer had been drunk that Gabriel didn't really notice the exchange. Instead, he was watching Remus, who was subtly glaring back.

Eventually, Gabriel stood up. "It's late," he said. "And I need to be up early tomorrow. Thanks a lot, Sirius, and it was nice to meet you all."

"I'll walk you out," Sirius volunteered. He scooped up Gabriel's coat. "Do you need a ride home?" he asked, as they headed out of the room.

"Nah. I'll catch the tube."

Sirius glanced back over his shoulder. "I'm sorry about Remus and Peter," he said softly. "Remus is a pretty devout atheist and can get kind of defensive, but I didn't know he'd be like this. And Peter just tags along for the ride."

"It's all right." Gabriel looked back into the room. "He's sure got a vendetta against God, though."

Sirius thought of everything Remus's life should have been, and everything he was stuck with it being. "Yeah, but if anyone's got a reason it's him. Have a good night."

***

"What was Remus's problem?" James asked later that night, when it was just the two of them.

"More of the same, probably," Sirius said with a sigh. "I have a feeling it might be best not to mix the two of them too often."

"Yeah. I wonder though…."

Sirius turned and arched an eyebrow. "You wonder what?"

James thought about it, and took a long pull from his bottle. "Nah. Nothing."

***

"Merry Christmas!"

Sirius sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Merry Christmas, James," he yawned.

James bounced unceremoniously on the bed, bearing a plate of donuts. Sirius stretched. "You're up early," he observed.

"When could I ever sleep in on Christmas?" James asked. "I got the jelly ones just for you."

Sirius grinned. "You're the best. Are your parents up yet?"

James's face clouded over for a moment. "I don't think so. I heard Mum up last night after we got back from Midnight Mass."

"Thanks for coming with me, by the way," Sirius said. "So was she playing Father Christmas?"

"No, more like she was coughing up her innards," James said with a frown. Then he shook himself. "Probably just a cold."

"I'm sure." Sirius pushed the plate forward. "Come on. Let's get hyped up on sugar."

***

Christmas morning with the Potters was always perfect. Sirius adjusted his new leather jacket. Technically, he didn't need it as he was Flooing to St. Mungo's, but he couldn't take it off regardless.

"Thanks again," he told Mrs. Potter, brushing a non-existent speck of dust off the sleeve. "It's great."

"I'm glad you like it, dear." Mrs. Potter was sitting in her dressing gown, smiling at her second son. "Will you be back in time for Christmas dinner?"

"I should be." Sirius glanced at the clock. It was only two. "I'll let you know if I'll be late."

Mrs. Potter opened her mouth to say something, and then bent over, her body shaking with the coughing spasms. Sirius tried to support her by the elbow, but she waved him off.

"It's nothing," she said when she could speak again. "Just a cold."

"Do you want me to pick you up something while I'm at St. Mungo's?" Sirius asked. "I'm sure they have a Suppressant Solution or something."

Mrs. Potter smiled. "Thank you, Sirius. I would appreciate it."

Sirius smiled at her. "I'll have it in time for dinner. See you soon." He stepped into the fireplace and shouted "St. Mungo's!"

The lobby of St. Mungo's was decorated with fairy lights and holly, but the antiseptic smell still pervaded through the air. Sirius looked around and spotted Bishop Goodwin, dressed in cheery red robes. He waved.

"Merry Christmas, Sirius!"

"Merry Christmas, Bishop," Sirius said, smiling and straightening his jacket. Bishop Goodwin grimaced. "What?" Sirius demanded.

"It is a little more traditional to wear robes."

Sirius shrugged. "Why be traditional?"

"Because people derive comfort from what they know."

Sirius shrugged again. "Shall we go minister to the unfortunate?" He held up his Bible, and Bishop Goodwin sighed.

"You'll be the death of me," he predicted, but in good humor.

Sirius followed him to the lift and pushed the button. "Onward and upward."

The hospital on Christmas Day was depressing. Despite the staff's attempts at holiday cheer, no one wanted to be where they were today of all days. There was one possible exception; a young Irish witch and her husband were celebrating the birth of their daughter, which had taken place hours before. They were easy to visit, all good cheer and hope and laughter.

Fabian Prewett, on the other hand, wasn't so easy.

Oh, he had family visiting him. There was an older brother Gideon, who looked at Sirius and Bishop Goodwin over wire-rimmed spectacles. And a younger sister Molly, who had a wedding ring and a sleeping infant beside her. But the damage that had been done was hard to look at.

"It was followers of… of…" Gideon lowered his voice. "Of You-Know-Who."

"Will he live?" Sirius asked softly.

Gideon nodded. "The healers are very optimistic. He may have a limp and he'll almost certainly lose that eye, but compared to what could have happened, we'll take it."

Sirius opened his mouth to ask another question, but Bishop Goodwin caught his eye and gave a barely perceptible shake of his head. Sirius closed his mouth again.

Gideon ran his hand through his thinning hair. "Will you pray with us, Father?" he asked.

As Bishop Goodwin began the prayer, Sirius bowed his head. But he watched the Prewetts through lowered lashes. He saw the whiteness in Gideon's knuckles, and Fabian's hand fumble for his brother's. And he noticed that Molly only pretended to pray.

Interesting, that.

***

"I don't understand," Sirius said when they stepped out into the hall again. "The Prewetts are purebloods."

Bishop Goodwin sighed. "I assume you don't mean you don't understand why they're Catholic instead of Anglican."

"I don't understand why Voldemort-" Bishop Goodwin winced- "would attack them. They're exactly what he wants in his society."

"They resist," Bishop Goodwin said simply.

Sirius looked back at the closed door, his respect sharply increased. "Good for them."

***

"James," Sirius said late that night as they lay on their backs, staring up at the lights in the tree, "have you heard of this Order of the Phoenix?"

"Dumbledore's resistance group? Of course."

"Has he said anything to you? About joining it?" Sirius looked at him.

James flushed. "He actually came to talk to me about it last week," he said. "Both me and Lily. I was going to talk to you and Moony and Wormtail about it, but after Christmas." He sighed heavily. "It's not really seasonal talk."

"No."

From upstairs, they could hear Mrs. Potter's deep, heavy cough. "Out of curiosity," James said, "why do you ask today?"

"Something I saw at St. Mungo's today. The Prewetts. You know them?"

"Gideon, Fabian, and Molly, right? Molly married one of the Weasley brothers?"

"Yeah. That's them. Fabian was one of the people we visited today." Sirius tried not to recapture the picture in his head, but it came anyway. "It was… disturbing."

James propped himself on an elbow. "Do you ever think about that, in being a priest? That you're going to see lots of misery that you can't change, because it's beyond your power?"

Sirius tucked his hands back under his head. "Yeah," he said finally. "But this was different. You kind of hit on it. A lot of what I'll see- and what I see now- I can't help. No, I can't change it. I saw a woman today who was dying of some disease. I mean dying- there was nothing the healers could do to save her. And she was young, too. And I was… well, not okay with that, but I could accept it. I could believe that her death is a part of some plan of God's. But what Fabian is going through… that's not God. That's another human, hurting someone because they don't agree with them. Isn't it in our power to protect people?"

"So you're going to join the Order."

"Aren't you?"

James grinned. "You'd better believe it."

***

"Sirius! Sirius!"

The pounding on the door of his flat woke Sirius from a sound sleep. He groaned, turned over, and looked at his clock. Three thirteen in the morning.

This couldn't be good.

He stumbled out of bed, shivering in the cold air, and wondered why Dumbledore had sent a personal emissary and not a Patronus. Then he recognized the voice. Remus. He threw the door open.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Remus grabbed his wrist. "It's James," he said, dragging Sirius over to the fireplace and activating the Floo. "Come on." He pulled Sirius, who fell off-balance and against Remus. His robes were icy cold against his skin, but the body underneath was warm. They were spinning, and Sirius clutched at his friend for balance. Finally, they came out at the lobby of St. Mungo's.

A nurse looked at them and giggled, and Sirius looked down. He was naked. He looked at Remus with exasperation. "You could have let me grab a robe."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry." But Remus didn't smile. "Come on."

"What is it? It isn't…" Sirius swallowed hard as Remus pulled him towards the lift.

"It's-" Remus saw his face and softened. "Oh, Sirius. No. James is all right, the Death Eaters didn't get him. Or Lily. It's Mrs. Potter. Mr. Potter found her burning up with fever and vomiting blood. By the time they got her in, she was unconscious. They…" Remus swatted at his eyes with the back of his hand. "They don't think she's going to make it, Sirius. And I knew you'd want to be here to say goodbye."

Sirius squeezed Remus's hand in mute thanks.

The giggling nurse must have sent a message up to the floor, because when they stepped out of the lift, an orderly greeted Sirius with a worn healer's robe. He slipped it on gratefully, and then he and Remus were running down the hall.

Lily was pacing outside the room, her hands clasped behind her back and whispering under her breath. When she saw them, she lit up and ran to meet them.

"Oh, thank God! You found him!" She hugged Remus. "Sirius, you'd better get in there. Only one of us can go in, and well, you're closer to them than I am."

Remus nodded, and Sirius took a deep breath and walked in.

James looked up when he entered, but Mr. Potter was still bent over his wife's hand. James smiled gratefully, his face streaked with tears, and Sirius took his place beside him.

There was a lot he wanted to say, but the presence of James and Mr. Potter made him feel a little awkward, especially knowing Mrs. Potter couldn't hear him. But he could whisper, "Thank you," and touch her blanket gently.

She died very shortly after. Sirius knew it when Mr. Potter began to cry. As he stood next to James, feeling isolated and alone, he resolved that some day, when he was a priest, he'd know exactly what to say at a time like this.

***

"What now?" James asked the healer two hours later. "It seems strange to just pack up and go home."

The healer sighed heavily. "I'm afraid I can't let you go home, anyway. This disease is very highly contagious. I need to quarantine all members of the household."

Mr. Potter nodded, and James shivered. "What about Sirius and Lily?" he asked.

"Have they been in the house in the past forty eight hours for any amount of time?"

"Lily hasn't," James said. "But Sirius has."

"Well, then. I'll get the rooms ready."

***

Staying in the hospital with James was a little like being back at Hogwarts, at first. Not so much in the superficial ways, but just in having someone right there, close in proximity as in spirit. James was largely silent that night, and Sirius couldn't blame him.

Mr. Potter died two days later. That was bad enough. But what was worse was James lying in bed, hot with fever and vomiting blood. Sirius could bear losing the two who had been like parents to him; he could not even think about losing his brother.

Peter and Remus came to visit, from outside the room and a safe distance. They were there during an attack, and it left Peter white and shaking and Remus with closed eyes. Not that Sirius blamed either of them. He couldn't remember any time in his life when he'd been this scared.

He would say that Lily came, but the truth was Lily never left. She set up a small camp outside their door, only leaving her post when she absolutely had to. Sirius had always liked Lily, but when he saw her there on day five, with greasy hair, rumpled robes, and circles under her eyes as she looked in at James fitfully asleep in the hospital bed, he loved her deeply.

Of course he prayed. It was a constant litany in his head of pleaseGodpleaseGodpleaseGoddon'tlethimdie!. All the formal prayers he knew were forgotten, but the simple desperation was heartfelt.

And answered. Two weeks later, the five of them walked out of the hospital together. James was silent, pale, and too thin, but he was alive, and they were all grateful.

***

Sirius, who'd never contracted the disease, was able to return to St. John's the next day. His professors inquired kindly after his health and offered sympathy on the loss of his friends, and a little discreet Confunding made no one wonder why they hadn't visited a sick student.

"Sirius! You're back!" Gabriel was saving him a seat. It made Sirius smile, because he hadn't been able to contact Gabe to let him know he'd be here.

"Thanks," he said, slipping into the seat.

Gabriel handed him a sheaf of papers. "I copied my notes for you," he said. "Sounds like you really had something."

Sirius made a face. "Not me, so much. But James." Suddenly, he remembered that Gabriel had no idea of what had happened. "James's parents died."

Gabriel's mouth sagged open. "Both of them? What happened? Some sort of accident?"

"No." Sirius suddenly found he didn't want to talk about it. Mercifully, the professor walked in and class began.

***

"So, how are you?" Remus asked. He was lying on Sirius's couch, wrapped in a heavy blanket. It had been a rough full moon, even with Peter and Sirius there to help him keep his mind. Sirius noticed that there was a rather nasty cut on Remus's cheek that hadn't been fully healed yet.

"I'm fine, I guess." He thought about pretending otherwise, but he didn't want to with Remus. "I've been trying not to think about it."

"I know."

Sirius went to the bathroom and grabbed a potion. It gave him a minute to think. "It's not just that," he said slowly, pouring some of the potion onto a cloth. Remus closed his eyes as Sirius touched the cloth to his face. "It's… well, I feel guilty."

"Guilty?" Remus asked, his eyes flaring open. "What do you have to feel guilty for?"

"They aren't really my parents," Sirius said. The cut began to heal under his hand. "I feel guilty grieving them, instead of being there for James."

"You're doing both," Remus pointed out.

"I know." Sirius sighed and sat back on his heels. "But it still doesn't feel right."

Remus's eyes were sad. "Probably because it's not ever going to. Who can really be at peace with something like this?"

It was a good question. Sirius wondered if he'd ever know the answer.

***

"I am not looking forward to this final," Gabriel groaned, opening his notebook.

Sirius agreed. "Father Mallory is fond of the technicalities, isn't he? He's the sort of professor who would test you on the information in the footnotes, if the Bible actually had any." He put his feet up on the table in front of the couch and kicked off his shoes. "Two hours and then we'll order out?"

"Sounds good."

The work was tricky. The final was meant to focus heavily on the Books of the Minor Prophets, which Sirius always found tedious and forgettable. "I vastly prefer New Testament," Sirius grumbled. "Or Metaphysics. Or Church History. Anything but the Minor Prophets."

"'I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content'," Gabriel quoted, and Sirius kicked his ankle.

Despite the subject matter, he was happy. The evening sunlight filtered in through the curtains, coloring the room with a golden tint. Sirius had opened the windows, and a breeze danced through his flat. The truth was, sitting here with a Muggle studying for a final he was going to take in the Muggle world, it was so easy to forget what was really happening.

Tonight, James, Lily, and Remus were helping to protect the Roslands, a family with a Muggle-born father. It was far from the first time Dumbledore had asked any of them to do something like this; in fact, the only reason Sirius wasn't there was because he'd been keeping guard last night with Peter, and he had to study for this final. Not that he said that, of course, because school didn't really compare to the lives of a family. But still.

He looked at Gabriel. His profile was illuminated by the light as he studied his notes, and his hair fell down over his forehead. It wasn't until Gabriel looked at him and smiled that Sirius realized he'd been staring. He hastily returned his attention to his work.

***

"How do you get it so fast?" Gabriel asked when Sirius returned five minutes after he left with the take-away. "And how to you keep it so hot?"

"Appar…antly, there's a Chinese place right next door," Sirius finished lamely.

"Really? I've never noticed it." Gabriel was digging out chopsticks. He speared the dumplings and divided them onto the plates.

"So what are you doing for the holidays?" Sirius asked quickly, still a little shaken by his near-miss.

"Working in a café, actually," Gabriel said, making a face. "I'd rather do something a little more… meaningful, but I've worked there for years, and the tips are good." He sighed. "Taking a vow of poverty isn't going to be that much of a stretch."

Sirius looked down at his plate, feeling a bit guilty. For the first time, he wondered what he should do with the money his Uncle Alphard left him. "Yeah," he said. "I can see that."

Gabriel physically shrugged it off. "What about you? What are you going to do?"

"I sort of have a job, too."

"Oh? Doing what?" Gabriel settled on the couch next to Sirius, plate in one hand and beer in the other.

"It's… a sort of political thing," he said carefully. "James, Peter, and Remus are working there, too."

"Mmm."

Sirius cocked his head. "What?"

"Nothing." Gabriel poked his food.

"No, what is it? Come on."

"Your friend Remus doesn't much like me, does he?" Gabriel asked.

Relieved to be off the subject of the Order, Sirius shrugged. "Not really, but I wouldn't take it personally. He's an atheist, and he's terrified you're going to convert him or cast him into the depths of Hell or something."

"Oh." Gabriel considered that. "Can I ask why? Why he's atheist, I mean. Are his parents?"

"No, but I'm not sure how devout they are, to be honest." Sirius sighed. "He- and his family- they've really been through a lot. And none of it's fair."

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you exactly-" understatement of the year- "but I can give you something comparable. Say you knew this little kid, and the kid was molested pretty badly. And then the kid caught syphilis from it. But instead of being treatable, there was no cure. And worse, everyone knew about it, and treated the kid like it was his fault."

Gabe sat back heavily. "Is that what happened to Remus?"

"Not exactly like that, no. But that's pretty much the gist of it." He stirred his rice contemplatively. "I've known Remus since we started school together, when we were eleven. He never wanted us to find out about what was going on, but we did. I remember the night I did figure everything out. I didn't cry, but I sure wanted to." Sirius sighed heavily. "But I can understand how it would be easier to not believe in God at all than to believe that He'd ever want that to happen. It's the most unfair thing I've ever heard of in my life."

"But James and Peter know what happened, too? And all three of you have been friends with him since?"

Sirius saw where he was going and chuckled. "Remus might be right," he said. "You would try to convert him."

"We are rather meant to spread the Word," Gabriel admonished gently.

"But spreading it and pounding it into someone who will resist are two different things. I know Remus, and trust me. Preaching at him isn't the right way to go about it."

Gabriel nodded. "You really are close, aren't you? You and Remus?"

"We're like brothers," Sirius said.

"Brothers?"

"Yeah."

"Well, good." And then Gabriel leaned over and kissed him.

Sirius's eyes flared open in shock, but just for a moment because Gabriel was a hell of a good kisser. Not that he had anything to compare to, but the kiss was gentle and firm and sure and oh God, so good. Gabriel pulled away and studied his face, and Sirius smiled. He cupped his hand around the back of Gabriel's head and pulled him back in for another kiss.

Their plates fell to the floor with a crash, and Gabriel laughed deep in his throat. He shifted his body so he was pushing Sirius back on the couch and then deepened the kiss.

Sirius had his eyes closed, floating although he was anchored to the couch. He reveled in it, and the feeling of Gabriel against him. A part of his brain was whispering all sorts of things about this not being right for so many reasons, but he informed it to shut up and enjoy.

It was remarkably easy to do.

When they finally broke apart, the world was spinning. They had done nothing more than kiss, but that was enough.

"This is big," Sirius whispered.

"Understatement," Gabriel laughed, but the expression didn't extend to his eyes.

Neither of them had really expected this; neither of them had allowed themselves to think of it. They sat beside each other in silence, and Gabriel fumbled for Sirius's hand. Sirius squeezed his fingers in mute solidarity.

***

"So, did he stay the night?" James asked.

"Of course not," Sirius scowled. He ran his hands through his already disheveled hair. "It never went any further than kissing. Believe me, that's far enough."

"Is it?" James asked.

Sirius turned and looked at him. James was remarkably calm, sitting at the table and drumming his fingers in a complex rhythm. "Well, yeah."

James rubbed his chin, and then ruffled his hair, a childish habit he was trying to break and failing to do so miserably. "Padfoot, did you really not know?"

"Not know what? That Gabriel was gay?"

"No. That you are."

That stopped Sirius short. "What the fuck? No! I didn't! Did you?"

James shrugged. "I thought it a couple times. But you never said anything, and then you decided to become a priest, so I figured it wasn't going to be that relevant anyway."

"It's VERY relevant. The Bible is pretty explicit about homosexuality."

"Since when have you ever done what anyone told you?" James asked with a cocky grin.

Sirius grinned back, but it faded quickly. "It's still… it's still hard," he admitted. "I don't want this. You really knew?"

"It's what I thought you were hiding when you weren't telling any of us you'd run off to seminary." James shrugged. "I've already had my crisis about it."

"Great." Sirius put his feet up on James's table. "Hey. You said you figured it out. Do Peter and Remus…."

James shook his head vigorously. "No. I haven't even told Lily."

Sirius looked at him with complete and utter gratitude. "Thanks."

***

He passed the final, naturally, with the highest grade in the class. Sirius also received a letter from the Director of Studies, commending him on his achievements and asking to arrange a meeting to discuss Sirius joining the rectory. He sat staring at that letter for a long, long time.

Just a week ago, he would have been over the moon to see that offer. Even now, a part of him was thrilled. But how was he going to answer, when he knew he was something the Church despised? How could he be a priest when he would always have to keep a part of himself secret?

He stared at the letter and then angrily stuffed it back into the envelope. Fuck what anyone thought. He picked up a quill and scrawled a note to the Director that he'd be happy to meet with him on Friday morning.

He had just put it in the mail when the spectral silver dog appeared in front of him. "Sirius," Remus's voice said, "come quick. The Roslands' house was destroyed, and I think they're dead."

***

The house was in ruins. Sirius stood staring at it for a long time.

The walls were charred and crumbled. The corpses had been taken away, but he knew he'd remember that image of a skeletal hand clawing at a doorknob. Worse, he'd heard someone from the Auror office tell the ten year old girl who'd been sleeping at a friend's house that the rest of the Roslands were dead. Her mother, her father, her brothers… it was like something that belonged in a history book or as the backstory of a heroine for a bad romance novel.

"It's terrible, isn't it?"

Sirius jumped, and then turned in relief when he realized it was Remus behind him. "It is," he agreed. He wanted to say more, but there wasn't much to say.

Remus put a hand on his shoulder, and Sirius covered it with his own and bowed his head. They stood for a long moment, and then Remus said, "Dumbledore asked me to sift through to find any clues I could to determine the identity of the bastards who did this. You want to help?"

"You'd better believe it," Sirius growled.

It was grisly work, even with the aid of magic. But Sirius set his shoulders and his resolve and began.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted after an hour of searching. "I found something."

Sirius stumbled over the remains of the plumbing pipes. "What is it?"

Remus turned over a mirror. It was broken, but he'd managed to locate a large fragment. "This. It's not just a mirror."

"Foe-glass?" Sirius asked. "I didn't know they had one. And we were helping protect them."

"I guess you can't be too careful these days," Remus said sadly. But he picked up his wand anyway. "Priori revelo."

Sirius watched as the glass clouded and began showing its images. He'd seen Death Eaters before, but always from a distance. The anonymous masks chilled him, as did the cold certainty in the barely visible eyes.

Next to him, Remus shuddered.

"Do you see anything?" Sirius asked, searching the forms. "Anything that might give us even a hint as to who they are?"

"There," Remus said, waving his wand and freezing the image. "Right there." He pointed at a watch that peeked out from under a robe. "That's pretty garish." He pulled out a quill and a pad of paper. "Copy," he told the quill, and it began sketching the watch in the style of a courtroom artist. Sirius watched it with interest for a moment.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked.

"Dumbledore," Remus said briefly. His brow furrowed as he studied the image once more.

"See anything else?" Sirius asked.

"No. Let's get this to Dumbledore," Remus said. "And let's hurry." He slipped the Foe Glass into his bag.

***

"It's all very well and good we have this image of a watch," Peter said. "But what are we supposed to do with it?"

"Find the wearer," James said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "That's what Dumbledore said."

"I still think they should be using Aurors for this," Peter grumbled.

"But we're only supposed to find the wearer," James argued. "Not actually do anything about it. Not yet."

"Then what's the point?"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other. Sirius couldn't fault Peter for being nervous- hell, he was too, and so was James- but he could fault him if he chickened out. He shook his head and looked over at the bartender, gesturing for another round of drinks.

The Leaky Cauldron wasn't deserted, but it felt like it. People huddled in groups, and they kept their voices down to murmurs. There was something secretive and furtive about people these days, as if they were afraid they'd be killed in a burst of green light on the spot.

Things hadn't gotten that bad yet, but Sirius was pretty sure they would soon.

The bell jangled, signaling another customer had come in. Sirius turned his head automatically and then froze.

It was Regulus. And he was wearing the watch.

Fuck. He really should have known.

***

He wanted me to know. Dumbledore wanted me to know. The thought was still running on a continuous loop in his head on Friday morning, when Sirius met with the Rector and the Director of St. John's. But he smiled and extended his hand, because although Regulus meant a lot, this opportunity meant even more.

"We've been very impressed with your work, Mr. Black," the Director said as they all settled down with cups of tea. "Very impressed."

"Thank you. But I remember it was never my academic achievements that you had doubts about." Sirius sipped his tea with a bit of a slurp. "I believe it was my family."

The Rector smiled gently. "Not exactly, but I think you know that, too." Sirius flushed, and the Rector picked up his own cup. "I understand the people you consider your adoptive parents passed on this year, while you were ill."

"Yes," Sirius said softly. The pain still hadn't healed. Both the Director and the Rector saw it and smiled sympathetically. "But I'm at peace with it," he added hastily.

The Director laughed. "Relax, Sirius. This isn't an exam, or a hoop to jump through."

"Then what is it? We’re here to discuss if I can finally join the seminary, right?" Sirius's heel was tapping against the floor.

"Not so much. We're here to discuss if you want to still join the seminary." The Rector sat back, his eyes twinkling. "Over the past academic year we've gotten a chance to know you better, Sirius. And I'm pleased to be able to offer you admission to the seminary in the fall, if you are still interested."

Sirius grinned broadly. "Of course I am!"

The Rector extended his hand. "Well, then. Welcome aboard."

***

In the packet the Rector had given him there was a notice about a summer class being offered. It was a class specifically geared to students possibly interested in youth ministries. When Sirius read the title, he was drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

"Youth ministries?" Peter snorted. "You're pretty much a youth yourself. You're nineteen, Sirius."

"I'll be twenty soon enough. But more importantly, I'll be older than that when I've taken my vows." Sirius opened a beer and took a long pull. "What's the big deal?"

"I just can't see it," Peter said stubbornly. James smacked him upside the head.

"I can," Remus said softly. Sirius looked at him, and he could see the why of it written across Remus's face. He should have known Remus, of all people, would understand.

"So, what sort of class is it?" Peter asked.

"Dealing with issues of youth today. Drugs, sex, rock and roll."

"The same issues youth have always had," James laughed.

"You know you aren't going to be able to save him from the Death Eaters," Peter said. "Not like that."

James smacked Peter upside the head again, and Sirius glared at him. "I never even thought of that, idiot."

Really.

***

Sirius had thought about Gabriel, of course. Quite constantly. It was pretty hard not to, given the way he'd turned Sirius's perception of himself upside down. And he was glad to see Gabriel sitting in the summer class.

"I wanted to get in touch," Gabriel said as Sirius sat down beside him. "But I didn't have your phone number."

"I wanted to get in touch," Sirius answered, "but I don't have a phone."

Gabriel smiled. "So, what are you doing these days?"

"I'm starting the seminary properly in the fall," Sirius announced proudly. "You?"

"Eh. I-" Gabriel was cut off by the entrance of the professor; a young, clean-cut priest that Sirius hadn't seen before.

"Good morning, and welcome to Topics in Youth Ministries. I am Father O'Brien. I see some new faces, and I just want to say-"

He launched off into a discussion of course aims and the syllabus. Sirius was jotting down the course outline when the note appeared on his desk.

Want to go to the cinema tonight?

It was a bad idea, he knew that. And that was probably why he said yes anyway.

***

"So. You're into the seminary?" Gabriel asked as they stood in front of the theater.

"Yeah," Sirius was studying the movie names. "Listen, I don't know anything about any of these. You choose."

"All right." Gabriel stepped up to the window and bought two tickets to something called Life of Brian. "You do still have a sense of humor, right?" he asked Sirius as he returned.

Sirius didn't even dignify that with a response.

"So, are you starting as well?" Sirius asked when they were seated in the near-dark of the theater. He looked around with interest- he'd never had the chance to go to a film before, even though Lily had asked him once or twice. James said it was brilliant, and that Muggles came up with some pretty incredible things, but Sirius was still dubious. He was so lost in thought that he almost didn't hear Gabriel's response.

"No. They told me I could, but I decided not to."

Sirius pulled himself back to the present. "You're kidding. Is it because of…" he looked around furtively.

"No. It's my mum. She's sick."

"I'm sorry. Badly?"

""Not life-threatening, but she can't work for a while. I need to keep working at the restaurant to help her out- I can't be staying at the rectory and devoting everything I've got to what I want right now." He snorted. "It's funny. I always knew life as a priest would involve sacrifice, and I was okay with that. But now I'm being asked to sacrifice that. It just seems… ironic."

Sirius was saved from answering by the lights being extinguished and the swell of music. He'd never been to a movie before, but he had enough common sense and (ugh, he hated to admit this) breeding to know that talking during a movie was rude and deserved its own level in Hell.

But his vocal hilarity had to be forgiven. Gabriel was a sick, sick bastard for bringing Sirius to see this particular movie, and he loved it.

He also loved the way Gabriel's hand lay alongside his, their fingers just barely touching. Gabriel's pinky draped over his, and by the time Stan insisted he wanted to be a mother, their fingers were entwined. It was a heady experience, sitting in the dark holding hands, watching the magic that Muggles had developed unfolding before him.

"That was amazing," Sirius said as they left the theater.

"I'm glad you liked it." By silent mutual agreement, they dropped their hands. "Did you see Monty Python and the Holy Grail?"

"No. Same sort of thing?"

Gabriel looked at him oddly. "It's Monty Python."

"Oh. Right. Erm. Do you want to go for a drink?"

"I'd like to," Gabriel said, "but I should get home. I have to be up early tomorrow."

"Do you live nearby?" Sirius asked, and Gabriel nodded. "I'll walk you."

They walked slowly through the warm night. They could hear snippets of conversation, dogs barking, and every now and then a strain of music. As they slowed their steps, Sirius found himself wishing that the night could last forever. At the same time, he wanted the walk to be over, because he knew exactly how it was going to end.

He was not disappointed, and the kiss was every bit as good as the ones they'd shared in his flat. He pulled away and smiled impudently at Gabriel, who grinned back.

"See you Monday, yeah?" Sirius asked.

Gabriel grinned. "Yeah. Say, how are you getting home? You're not going to walk the whole way, are you?"

"No. I think I'll fly."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Corny. Good night, Sirius."

"Good night." Sirius waited until Gabriel had gone inside and then Apparated back to St. John's to pick up his motorbike.

He wasn't that much of a ponce, for God's sake.

***

The evening shattered as soon as he got home. He'd just taken his jacket off when the elephant came barging through the walls. "Hurry, Sirius," Peter's voice said. "They're coming for James."

The motorbike wasn't quick enough. Sirius grabbed his wand and Apparated again.

***

He'd never forget that night, not if he lived to be two hundred. He'd never forget James, the blood streaking his face as he fought off a masked Death Eater. He'd never forget the appearance of Voldemort, white skin, snake-like nose, and fire-red eyes. He'd never forget Lily, half-undressed from an interrupted tryst and viscously cutting down a wizard twice her size. And he'd never forget the desperate flight to Hogwarts, the hot wind on their faces and the sounds of pursuit for half the journey.

Sirius was never clear on the details of how they escaped. All he knew for sure was that one of the pursuing Death Eaters wore a garish watch and cast a spell that misfired. Leave it to Regulus to fuck everything up.

"You are welcome to stay the night," Dumbledore told them all once they were at Hogwarts. "In fact, I would suggest it."

Remus made a face. "I don't understand," he said. "Why did they attack James? Why so brutally?"

Dumbledore opened his mouth to answer, but to all of their surprise it was Peter who quietly said, "Lily."

"Lily?" James demanded, wrapping his arm around her bare shoulder. (At the gesture, Sirius hastily Transfigured a gum wrapper into a shawl for her, which she took gratefully.) "Why Lily?"

"Keep the bloodlines pure," Peter said, his face twisting into an expression of scorn. "You're pure-blood, James. Lily is Muggleborn. Come on. This isn't N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy."

Sirius closed his eyes and sat down in a chair. He had the overwhelming feeling that the future was closing in on him.

***

"Look, the Bible contradicts itself on many things, that's true. But it is exceedingly clear about homosexuality!"

Andrew reminded Sirius of Snivellus. Not in appearance, but in the expression in his eyes. Shifty. God knows why someone thought he'd make a good priest, Sirius thought uncharitably. "The Bible is also clear on a lot of other things," he countered. "Slavery. Isolating women who have their periods. Eating shellfish. Do you keep kosher?"

"Don't be stupid. That's a Jewish tradition."

"Don't you be stupid. We all know the first five books of the Bible make up the Torah. It's laid out in both religions, but only the Jews follow it."

"If I might interject," Father O'Brien said mildly, "let's keep the discussion respectful, all right, gentlemen? Does anyone else have anything to add? Now's your chance to get a word in edgewise." The class laughed. "Mr. Graham, what is your opinion?"

Gabriel had been sitting completely still, hands folded tightly under his desk. He jerked when Father O'Brien called on him. "I… I'm not sure," he admitted. "I understand both points. But if a student came to me confiding he was homosexual, I don't think I could condemn him just for that."

"An excellent point," Father O'Brien said, "about compassion."

"But it's a sin!" Andrew insisted.

"You make it sound like it's a choice!" The words ripped out of Sirius, and he jumped to his feet. "It's not a choice!" The whole class looked at him. Sirius sat back down with as much dignity as he could muster. "Well, think about it," he said, his voice shaking. "We're supposed to be forgiving, compassionate, and understanding, and we're condemning it. The rest of the world must be worse. Who would choose that? Really?"

"It's not that black and white!" Andrew would not back down.

"It should be!" Sirius shouted.

"Well, then, why don't you go nail your ninety-five theses to the door?"

"All right, that's enough," Father O'Brien said sternly, jumping in. "And we're running out of time. But before you go, I would like you all to think about one particular fact. The Bible does explicitly state that homosexual sex is a sin, yes. However, at no point does it ever declare that a man loving another man or a woman loving another woman is sinful. Only the concept of sex." The statement brought a burst of conversation, but Father O'Brien merely smiled. "We'll discuss that one tomorrow. Class dismissed."

Sirius sat for a long moment, staring at the desk in front of him. And he was not at all surprised when Father O'Brien said, "Mr. Black. May I speak to you privately, please?"

Sirius looked up and noticed that everyone else was gone. He nodded, and Father O'Brien approached, turning a chair around and straddling it. "Long day, I suspect?"

Sirius nodded.

"I'll cut right to the point. Is it safe to assume from your very passionate statements that you are homosexual?"

The question was worded very formally, but it was asked with a great deal of kindness. Father O'Brien's face was sympathetic, not judgmental. "I think so," Sirius finally said. His voice sounded tremulous and whiny- something he hated. He shook himself, sat back and looked Father O'Brien in the eye. "Yes. It was rather obvious, wasn't it?"

"You're not very subtle, no." Father O'Brien laughed. "But seriously, Sirius- wow, that's hard to say- this is something you need to discuss with the Rector if you intend to continue into seminary."

"Why?" Sirius demanded. "I'll be taking a vow of chastity. What does it matter if I find men more attractive than women-" God, that was hard to say out loud- "if I'm just going to be shutting off any sexual impulses at all?"

Father O'Brien looked concerned. "Sirius, celibacy isn't that simple. It's not a matter of just 'shutting off'. It's a sacrifice, and one that must be made in full understanding. Next year you'll begin your human formation courses, and it we'll be covering it. Well, we'll begin covering sex. Celibacy is really covered in your second year."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "My second year? You're not kicking me out?"

"Heavens, no!" Sirius began to smile until Father O'Brien said, "Not at this point, at any rate. Other priests have struggled with this, and they've overcome it. There is a difference between deep-seated homosexual tendencies and exploratory, transitory ones, and you're too young to know which category you fall into. It must be addressed, but as I said, it can be overcome. It might take you a bit longer to be ordained, but then, it might not, given that you're only at the beginning of your training." Sirius sighed heavily, and Father O'Brien reached out and clasped his shoulder. "You don't have to decide a thing this minute, Sirius. But if you need guidance and counseling, I wanted you to know I'd be more than willing to help you."

"Did you have to go through this yourself?"

"No, but my best friend did. He took his vows two years ago." Sirius nodded, but said nothing. Father O'Brien didn't push him. "Shall we pray together before you go?" he asked.

Sirius nodded and bowed his head. Right now, it was the only thing he could do.

***

When he left the classroom, Gabriel was waiting for him like always. He had a smile on his face, but it didn't extend to his eyes.

"Hey. I wanted to let you know that I can't make it out tonight," he said. "When I got back from work last night, my mum was really sick. We had to take her to the hospital."

Sirius closed his eyes, hearing the message loud and clear. But when he opened them, Gabriel was watching him anxiously. "How's she doing?" he asked lamely.

Gabriel shook his head. "I really don't know."

The words spurred out of him. "Would you like me to come with you to visit her?"

This time, the smile spread over Gabe's entire face. "Yeah. That would be good."

***

On to Part 3