FIC: Measure of a Man
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantTitle: The Measure of a Man
Notes: This one is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
falafel_musings. It has major webisode spoilers, so I'm putting any other headers under a cut.
More Notes: This fic is based on two webisode spoilers: Gaeta/Hoshi and Gaeta/Sharon. It's an unabashed wank fic, and by that I mean not a PWP, but a "we weren't crazy about the Gaeta/Sharon ship and would like to wank it away." Why aren't either of us crazy about it? Not because it's het so much as because Gaeta/Sharon on New Caprica could potentially change a lot of Felix's arc there. It really depends on how it's handled.
So, we were talking about ways it could be handled: how Felix, who looked positively disgusted at Baltar handing them all over to the Cylons and then sleeping with a Six and worked pretty hard to help blow up the Cylons, could be in love with an Eight at the same time. I mean, hey, sex I can totally get, but love is a bigger deal. And so, this grew off one possible explanation.
I've got this fic f-locked right now for a reason. Mainly because if you don't know me- and hell, even if you do- it can kind of come off as wanky. I really don't want fandom controversy, I just wanted to write this particular fic. And a big warning: there is rape in this. Non-graphic, non-physically violent, but yes, rape. (See why I'm locking it?) Rape happening to men is actually a pet plot of mine, although I'm finding it doesn't work as well in the BSG universe because men are allowed to be more vulnerable.
I may cut and paste bits of this into a new fic, because you can see where I had ideas for my Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (or however many) challenge, but we'll see if I decide to unlock this.
Anyway- onward!
One of the few things Felix had been able to save was the picture of his fathers. They stared down at him from his shelf, forever caught in the triumph of their first solo mission together. Chris and Brian, Demon and Bleater, a team and inseparable. He looked at the picture until his eyes teared over.
***
"Felix," Chris said, letting up the ice pack and checking the swelling beneath, "you have to learn to ignore them. You have to learn not to let them bother you."
"But they said-"
"What did they say that wasn't true? You do have two fathers. Your father and I are homosexual. No one cares, Felix, except a bunch of bullies on a playground. And you."
"Only because-"
"If you didn't let them see it bothered you," Chris said, "they wouldn't tease you about it."
Felix didn't agree, but he nodded anyway. Parents didn't understand anything.
***
Felix had always liked Boomer, before he'd known she was a Cylon. Not like Helo did, but she'd been fun and easy to relax with. He supposed that's why he was relieved when an Eight came in to explain his new duties to him.
"And you'll be reading the announcements over the loudspeaker," she said, with just the smallest amount of cheerfulness in her voice. "Serving as the public voice. It's an honor."
No, it wasn't. But Felix wasn't going to let her see that. He raised his chin and looked her in the eye. "Yes, sir," he said evenly.
***
When he realized that he preferred men- not exclusively but as a rule- he wasn't sure how to tell his fathers. Chip off the old block? Only to be expected? He didn't want to hear those assessments, because damn it, this was about him, not them.
Brian figured it out at a pyramid game. Not when Felix was watching the athletes, but when they ran into Sam Revon and his father, and Felix had managed to not say a coherent word and spent the entire time blushing.
"That's not a way to tell someone you're interested," Brian laughed when they returned to their seats.
"I don't want to tell him," Felix said. "I don't want anyone to know."
"I never understood that," Brian mused, and then rose to his feet. "Make the goal, you frakker!" he shouted. He sat back down. "If someone likes you, it should be a compliment. And yet teenagers treat it like an insult."
Felix shrugged, staring at his program. "Guess so," he muttered.
"Well, unless you tell someone what you want, you're never going to get it."
***
The problem was, Felix didn't know what he wanted. At least, not in this muddled mess. He didn't want anything to do with Gaius anymore, although once that had been the center of his world. He wanted out of this position, off this rock, out of this hell, but that wasn't happening. If this was his life, then what did he want?
"Felix."
He looked up. Sharon stood in the doorway of his tent. He recognized her by the way she dressed- this Sharon favored a little more of an edge to her wardrobe than some of the others- and something about her posture. She stood straighter, was a little more confident… something. "Sharon," he said. "More work for me?" he asked lightly.
"You know," Sharon said, "it's been a month and I don't think I've seen you do anything but work."
Felix shrugged. "I guess," he said. He wanted to say What the hell are you doing here? but the words wouldn't pass his lips. And it made some sort of sense. Most of the Cylons ignored him and most of the humans hated him. Sharon at least spoke to him. Usually. Right now she stood awkwardly, her dark eyes on him.
"Oh, hell," he said. "Come on in."
***
"Felix?" Lucas said, eyebrows arching. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm…" Felix bit down on his lip, eyes still fixed on the picture. "I'm just wondering what they would say if they could be here right now," he said. He leaned forward awkwardly and pulled the picture down. Lucas looked at it.
"Brothers?" he asked.
"Fathers," Felix said.
"Oh." Lucas studied it more closely. "I didn't know your parents were military."
"Yup."
"They must have been proud of you."
"At one time, probably. Now…"
"Come on," Lucas said, touching Felix's good knee. "Nothing you've done is that bad."
Felix didn't answer.
***
Alcohol could do amazing things, like burn away the edges of awkwardness. Once he'd had a glass or two, it was so much easier to laugh with Sharon. And here in his tent, cut off from the rest of the world, it was easier to forget the mess that was his life.
Until Sharon came into his lap and kissed him.
He kissed her back at first, because her lips were soft and warm and she was aggressive- something he very much liked in a partner. And his body certainly didn't differentiate between human and Cylon. But when he opened his eyes, his mind did.
"Wait," he began. "I'm not so sure…"
"What aren't you sure about?" Sharon asked him, pulling off her shirt. "This isn't something to be analyzed, Felix. And I'm not sure it needs to be." She palmed his erection through his pants.
"I know," he began, "but-"
She finished undressing and began undoing his clothing as he stuttered over his response. It was hard to think, hard to speak, because there were two forces warring inside him and there was a part of him that wanted this, because Gods it felt good to be spoken to and touched and seen. But when she sank down on him, he found the strength to say it. "Sharon, come on. Stop."
"No," she whispered, nipping at his neck. "And I don't think you want me to, either."
His body betrayed him, responding to the wet warmth of her around him, and he groaned. This wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't manage to say it.
***
"Why did you leave the military, anyway?" Felix asked Chris, the day he got his acceptance into the Academy.
Chris shrugged. "My time was up. I wanted to be in control of my life, to make my own decisions. I wanted to be my own man."
"But you always said-"
"I know what I've always said, and it was true. I did love being in the Fleet, and I was happy there. But when it was time for it to end, I made sure it happened. Because a man has to live his own life and find his own happiness, Felix. Remember that."
***
Afterwards, Sharon curled around him, and Felix lay staring at the ceiling, his arm around her.
"You know," Sharon said, stretching, "I think I might love you."
The words caught him by complete surprise, warm and shafting through his soul and into his heart. He turned and looked at her, seeing the light in her eyes and the satisfaction in her smile.
"Yeah," he said. "Me too."
***
After a while, he could pick her out of a lineup. He inevitably knew it was her. He knew what she liked, what did nothing for her, the few things she hated. He began to know her taste outside the bedroom, what she thought was funny, what she wanted from life.
He began to think maybe he wasn't lying.
***
He brought Jeff home after the first semester. Chris was cordial, but Brian was cool to the point of rudeness. "What don't you like about him?" Felix demanded when they were alone.
"He's not honest," Brian said firmly.
"How do you know that?"
"Because I know Colonel Finkester. I know him quite well. And he's nothing like Jeff is saying."
"But-" Felix didn't have classes with the Colonel so he didn't know, but it had never occurred to him to doubt Jeff. "So he embellishes," Felix tried.
"He lies," Brian said. "And that is unforgivable in a relationship."
Not for the first time, Felix realized that neither of his fathers were overly handsome men. He supposed there had always been a little something that wondered what drew them to each other. Now, he was beginning to think he should ask.
***
He didn't want to go home that night, although he wouldn't say why. He sat at a conference table, mechanically making notes on a memo that made no sense.
"Felix," a familiar voice said, and he snapped his head up to see Gaius Baltar.
"Mr. President," he said dully. Had he really once loved this man that much?
Gai- Baltar sat down beside him. "You don't look so good," he said conversationally.
"I'm fine, sir."
Baltar smiled in a way that was meant to be approval. "You are a consummate liar, Mr. Gaeta," he said. He pulled a cigarette from a pack and then offered one to Felix. Felix hesitated, and then accepted. "I'm rather surprised you're not home, with your…"
"Don't even say it," Felix warned tiredly.
"Ah yes, women," Baltar said. He lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply. He looked like he was about to make another flip remark, but stopped. "You really do look poorly," he said. "Worse than you have been, I mean."
"Thanks." His tone was sarcastic, but it lacked heat. But Baltar's eyes fixed on him.
"Felix," he said, actually sounding worried. "What's wrong?"
That made him look up, and reflecting back at him were Gaius's eyes, kind and concerned and worried, like they'd been back on Galactica. Like they'd been when they first landed on New Caprica. And Felix had never been able to hide anything from Gaius, and the story began to spill out.
"So, let me get this straight," Gaius said when Felix was done talking, "you don't want to sleep with her, and yet you do?"
"It's not like that," Felix tried to insist, because what had ever possessed him to think that Gaius Baltar would understand not wanting something like this? "It's-"
"It's rape," Baltar said softly.
"No!" Felix jumped to his feet, leaning on his hands and scowling in Baltar's face. "No. It's not rape. I love her."
"Love," Baltar scoffed. "An erection does not constitute love. Nor does it constitute consent, incidentally."
"I love her," Felix repeated, like Baltar hadn't heard him. "It's not… it's not what you said. It's not." He sank back down into his chair. "I love her."
Baltar smiled sadly. "You keep telling yourself that, Felix," he said softly. He stood up. "But I would suggest that lovers don't hide from each other in the conference room."
That one little statement said so much, and for a moment, Felix couldn't speak. Then he looked up at Gaius.
"Please," he said, his voice sounding hoarse and rusty in his ears. "Please don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry," Baltar promised. "It will be our little secret."
***
"Felix," Lucas said softly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I can't," Felix said, looking down at the bed.
"You can," Lucas said. "I won't pretend I'll like it, but we'll work through it."
Lucas had brown eyes. Brown like Gaius, brown like Sharon. But they were clear, they were gentle. Brian would have liked Lucas, Felix thought. And Chris would have, too.
***
"What did I notice about your father first?" Chris asked. "He made me laugh."
"That's easy," was Brian's answer later, "he listened to me."
"He supported me."
"He cared about me."
"He accepted me."
"He didn't ask me to change."
"He was my best friend, you know."
"Yeah, he's always been my best friend."
***
"I love you," Felix said. It was the first time he'd said it first, when they were done.
Sharon just looked at him. Just a look. And it left his soul cold.
***
She owned him. And now that she knew it, now that she had triumphed, she could leave him. Sharons were fighters, Felix knew that. He just never knew they had such a thirst for conquest.
***
When they were back on Galactica, all Felix could feel was relief. Sharon was gone. Gaius was gone. No one ever had to know what had happened. No one ever had to know what had been wrung out of him, what had been given up. They could hate him and threaten to shove him out the airlock, that was fine. But no one would ever know the secret he was harboring, and no one would ever know that he had been…
No. He never had to say the word again, even in the privacy of his own mind.
***
Chris was crying when Felix got their, still dressed in his duty blues and shined shoes. "Is he gone?" he asked, his heart twisting in dread.
Chris swatted at his eyes. "No," he said. "He's been waiting for you."
Felix laid a hand on his father's shoulder. "Let's go," he said.
All his life, he knew he'd remember his other father, lying in bed, the oxygen tube in his nose, his hair gone. His eyes slitted open when they came in the room, and he managed a smile. "Do I still outrank you?" he asked Felix in a voice that already sounded half-dead.
"Yes."
"Good. Then I don't have to salute."
Chris laughed and took his hand. "We'll always outrank him," he said, wiping a cloth across Brian's forehead. "We're his parents. That trumps all."
They were both laughing. Brian was on the verge of death and Chris was standing on the edge of a life alone, and they were both laughing. Felix watched them together, holding on to each other's hands, drawing strength from each other and their love, able to face the darkness and the fear because… no, not because they had each other, but just because they'd had each other for a while. Because that's what love did, it gave them courage and bravery and strength, and when the end came two hours later, all three of them could stand it because they'd had love.
***
"All right," Felix said, trying not to shake. "It's something about New Caprica." He looked down at the picture, at his fathers' unabashed smiles.
Lucas didn't look surprised. Instead, he just took Felix's hand. "What is it?" he asked gently.
Felix took a deep breath. "On New Caprica… I was… I was raped."
Notes: This one is for
falafel_musings. It has major webisode spoilers, so I'm putting any other headers under a cut.More Notes: This fic is based on two webisode spoilers: Gaeta/Hoshi and Gaeta/Sharon. It's an unabashed wank fic, and by that I mean not a PWP, but a "we weren't crazy about the Gaeta/Sharon ship and would like to wank it away." Why aren't either of us crazy about it? Not because it's het so much as because Gaeta/Sharon on New Caprica could potentially change a lot of Felix's arc there. It really depends on how it's handled.
So, we were talking about ways it could be handled: how Felix, who looked positively disgusted at Baltar handing them all over to the Cylons and then sleeping with a Six and worked pretty hard to help blow up the Cylons, could be in love with an Eight at the same time. I mean, hey, sex I can totally get, but love is a bigger deal. And so, this grew off one possible explanation.
I've got this fic f-locked right now for a reason. Mainly because if you don't know me- and hell, even if you do- it can kind of come off as wanky. I really don't want fandom controversy, I just wanted to write this particular fic. And a big warning: there is rape in this. Non-graphic, non-physically violent, but yes, rape. (See why I'm locking it?) Rape happening to men is actually a pet plot of mine, although I'm finding it doesn't work as well in the BSG universe because men are allowed to be more vulnerable.
I may cut and paste bits of this into a new fic, because you can see where I had ideas for my Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (or however many) challenge, but we'll see if I decide to unlock this.
Anyway- onward!
One of the few things Felix had been able to save was the picture of his fathers. They stared down at him from his shelf, forever caught in the triumph of their first solo mission together. Chris and Brian, Demon and Bleater, a team and inseparable. He looked at the picture until his eyes teared over.
***
"Felix," Chris said, letting up the ice pack and checking the swelling beneath, "you have to learn to ignore them. You have to learn not to let them bother you."
"But they said-"
"What did they say that wasn't true? You do have two fathers. Your father and I are homosexual. No one cares, Felix, except a bunch of bullies on a playground. And you."
"Only because-"
"If you didn't let them see it bothered you," Chris said, "they wouldn't tease you about it."
Felix didn't agree, but he nodded anyway. Parents didn't understand anything.
***
Felix had always liked Boomer, before he'd known she was a Cylon. Not like Helo did, but she'd been fun and easy to relax with. He supposed that's why he was relieved when an Eight came in to explain his new duties to him.
"And you'll be reading the announcements over the loudspeaker," she said, with just the smallest amount of cheerfulness in her voice. "Serving as the public voice. It's an honor."
No, it wasn't. But Felix wasn't going to let her see that. He raised his chin and looked her in the eye. "Yes, sir," he said evenly.
***
When he realized that he preferred men- not exclusively but as a rule- he wasn't sure how to tell his fathers. Chip off the old block? Only to be expected? He didn't want to hear those assessments, because damn it, this was about him, not them.
Brian figured it out at a pyramid game. Not when Felix was watching the athletes, but when they ran into Sam Revon and his father, and Felix had managed to not say a coherent word and spent the entire time blushing.
"That's not a way to tell someone you're interested," Brian laughed when they returned to their seats.
"I don't want to tell him," Felix said. "I don't want anyone to know."
"I never understood that," Brian mused, and then rose to his feet. "Make the goal, you frakker!" he shouted. He sat back down. "If someone likes you, it should be a compliment. And yet teenagers treat it like an insult."
Felix shrugged, staring at his program. "Guess so," he muttered.
"Well, unless you tell someone what you want, you're never going to get it."
***
The problem was, Felix didn't know what he wanted. At least, not in this muddled mess. He didn't want anything to do with Gaius anymore, although once that had been the center of his world. He wanted out of this position, off this rock, out of this hell, but that wasn't happening. If this was his life, then what did he want?
"Felix."
He looked up. Sharon stood in the doorway of his tent. He recognized her by the way she dressed- this Sharon favored a little more of an edge to her wardrobe than some of the others- and something about her posture. She stood straighter, was a little more confident… something. "Sharon," he said. "More work for me?" he asked lightly.
"You know," Sharon said, "it's been a month and I don't think I've seen you do anything but work."
Felix shrugged. "I guess," he said. He wanted to say What the hell are you doing here? but the words wouldn't pass his lips. And it made some sort of sense. Most of the Cylons ignored him and most of the humans hated him. Sharon at least spoke to him. Usually. Right now she stood awkwardly, her dark eyes on him.
"Oh, hell," he said. "Come on in."
***
"Felix?" Lucas said, eyebrows arching. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm…" Felix bit down on his lip, eyes still fixed on the picture. "I'm just wondering what they would say if they could be here right now," he said. He leaned forward awkwardly and pulled the picture down. Lucas looked at it.
"Brothers?" he asked.
"Fathers," Felix said.
"Oh." Lucas studied it more closely. "I didn't know your parents were military."
"Yup."
"They must have been proud of you."
"At one time, probably. Now…"
"Come on," Lucas said, touching Felix's good knee. "Nothing you've done is that bad."
Felix didn't answer.
***
Alcohol could do amazing things, like burn away the edges of awkwardness. Once he'd had a glass or two, it was so much easier to laugh with Sharon. And here in his tent, cut off from the rest of the world, it was easier to forget the mess that was his life.
Until Sharon came into his lap and kissed him.
He kissed her back at first, because her lips were soft and warm and she was aggressive- something he very much liked in a partner. And his body certainly didn't differentiate between human and Cylon. But when he opened his eyes, his mind did.
"Wait," he began. "I'm not so sure…"
"What aren't you sure about?" Sharon asked him, pulling off her shirt. "This isn't something to be analyzed, Felix. And I'm not sure it needs to be." She palmed his erection through his pants.
"I know," he began, "but-"
She finished undressing and began undoing his clothing as he stuttered over his response. It was hard to think, hard to speak, because there were two forces warring inside him and there was a part of him that wanted this, because Gods it felt good to be spoken to and touched and seen. But when she sank down on him, he found the strength to say it. "Sharon, come on. Stop."
"No," she whispered, nipping at his neck. "And I don't think you want me to, either."
His body betrayed him, responding to the wet warmth of her around him, and he groaned. This wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't manage to say it.
***
"Why did you leave the military, anyway?" Felix asked Chris, the day he got his acceptance into the Academy.
Chris shrugged. "My time was up. I wanted to be in control of my life, to make my own decisions. I wanted to be my own man."
"But you always said-"
"I know what I've always said, and it was true. I did love being in the Fleet, and I was happy there. But when it was time for it to end, I made sure it happened. Because a man has to live his own life and find his own happiness, Felix. Remember that."
***
Afterwards, Sharon curled around him, and Felix lay staring at the ceiling, his arm around her.
"You know," Sharon said, stretching, "I think I might love you."
The words caught him by complete surprise, warm and shafting through his soul and into his heart. He turned and looked at her, seeing the light in her eyes and the satisfaction in her smile.
"Yeah," he said. "Me too."
***
After a while, he could pick her out of a lineup. He inevitably knew it was her. He knew what she liked, what did nothing for her, the few things she hated. He began to know her taste outside the bedroom, what she thought was funny, what she wanted from life.
He began to think maybe he wasn't lying.
***
He brought Jeff home after the first semester. Chris was cordial, but Brian was cool to the point of rudeness. "What don't you like about him?" Felix demanded when they were alone.
"He's not honest," Brian said firmly.
"How do you know that?"
"Because I know Colonel Finkester. I know him quite well. And he's nothing like Jeff is saying."
"But-" Felix didn't have classes with the Colonel so he didn't know, but it had never occurred to him to doubt Jeff. "So he embellishes," Felix tried.
"He lies," Brian said. "And that is unforgivable in a relationship."
Not for the first time, Felix realized that neither of his fathers were overly handsome men. He supposed there had always been a little something that wondered what drew them to each other. Now, he was beginning to think he should ask.
***
He didn't want to go home that night, although he wouldn't say why. He sat at a conference table, mechanically making notes on a memo that made no sense.
"Felix," a familiar voice said, and he snapped his head up to see Gaius Baltar.
"Mr. President," he said dully. Had he really once loved this man that much?
Gai- Baltar sat down beside him. "You don't look so good," he said conversationally.
"I'm fine, sir."
Baltar smiled in a way that was meant to be approval. "You are a consummate liar, Mr. Gaeta," he said. He pulled a cigarette from a pack and then offered one to Felix. Felix hesitated, and then accepted. "I'm rather surprised you're not home, with your…"
"Don't even say it," Felix warned tiredly.
"Ah yes, women," Baltar said. He lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply. He looked like he was about to make another flip remark, but stopped. "You really do look poorly," he said. "Worse than you have been, I mean."
"Thanks." His tone was sarcastic, but it lacked heat. But Baltar's eyes fixed on him.
"Felix," he said, actually sounding worried. "What's wrong?"
That made him look up, and reflecting back at him were Gaius's eyes, kind and concerned and worried, like they'd been back on Galactica. Like they'd been when they first landed on New Caprica. And Felix had never been able to hide anything from Gaius, and the story began to spill out.
"So, let me get this straight," Gaius said when Felix was done talking, "you don't want to sleep with her, and yet you do?"
"It's not like that," Felix tried to insist, because what had ever possessed him to think that Gaius Baltar would understand not wanting something like this? "It's-"
"It's rape," Baltar said softly.
"No!" Felix jumped to his feet, leaning on his hands and scowling in Baltar's face. "No. It's not rape. I love her."
"Love," Baltar scoffed. "An erection does not constitute love. Nor does it constitute consent, incidentally."
"I love her," Felix repeated, like Baltar hadn't heard him. "It's not… it's not what you said. It's not." He sank back down into his chair. "I love her."
Baltar smiled sadly. "You keep telling yourself that, Felix," he said softly. He stood up. "But I would suggest that lovers don't hide from each other in the conference room."
That one little statement said so much, and for a moment, Felix couldn't speak. Then he looked up at Gaius.
"Please," he said, his voice sounding hoarse and rusty in his ears. "Please don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry," Baltar promised. "It will be our little secret."
***
"Felix," Lucas said softly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I can't," Felix said, looking down at the bed.
"You can," Lucas said. "I won't pretend I'll like it, but we'll work through it."
Lucas had brown eyes. Brown like Gaius, brown like Sharon. But they were clear, they were gentle. Brian would have liked Lucas, Felix thought. And Chris would have, too.
***
"What did I notice about your father first?" Chris asked. "He made me laugh."
"That's easy," was Brian's answer later, "he listened to me."
"He supported me."
"He cared about me."
"He accepted me."
"He didn't ask me to change."
"He was my best friend, you know."
"Yeah, he's always been my best friend."
***
"I love you," Felix said. It was the first time he'd said it first, when they were done.
Sharon just looked at him. Just a look. And it left his soul cold.
***
She owned him. And now that she knew it, now that she had triumphed, she could leave him. Sharons were fighters, Felix knew that. He just never knew they had such a thirst for conquest.
***
When they were back on Galactica, all Felix could feel was relief. Sharon was gone. Gaius was gone. No one ever had to know what had happened. No one ever had to know what had been wrung out of him, what had been given up. They could hate him and threaten to shove him out the airlock, that was fine. But no one would ever know the secret he was harboring, and no one would ever know that he had been…
No. He never had to say the word again, even in the privacy of his own mind.
***
Chris was crying when Felix got their, still dressed in his duty blues and shined shoes. "Is he gone?" he asked, his heart twisting in dread.
Chris swatted at his eyes. "No," he said. "He's been waiting for you."
Felix laid a hand on his father's shoulder. "Let's go," he said.
All his life, he knew he'd remember his other father, lying in bed, the oxygen tube in his nose, his hair gone. His eyes slitted open when they came in the room, and he managed a smile. "Do I still outrank you?" he asked Felix in a voice that already sounded half-dead.
"Yes."
"Good. Then I don't have to salute."
Chris laughed and took his hand. "We'll always outrank him," he said, wiping a cloth across Brian's forehead. "We're his parents. That trumps all."
They were both laughing. Brian was on the verge of death and Chris was standing on the edge of a life alone, and they were both laughing. Felix watched them together, holding on to each other's hands, drawing strength from each other and their love, able to face the darkness and the fear because… no, not because they had each other, but just because they'd had each other for a while. Because that's what love did, it gave them courage and bravery and strength, and when the end came two hours later, all three of them could stand it because they'd had love.
***
"All right," Felix said, trying not to shake. "It's something about New Caprica." He looked down at the picture, at his fathers' unabashed smiles.
Lucas didn't look surprised. Instead, he just took Felix's hand. "What is it?" he asked gently.
Felix took a deep breath. "On New Caprica… I was… I was raped."
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 09:42 pm (UTC)This was a very challenging fic. I believe it's possible for a woman to rape a man too, especially when the woman is also your cylon oppressor/overlord. It's bizarre that we are suddenly dealing with THREE Gaeta ships (Sharon, Hoshi and Baltar) but you gave each of them their own tone. I totally loved the moment with Baltar the best, but I'm biased.
However my favourite part of the fic was Chris/Brian. I love them!! If there is no other canon info given about Gaeta's parentage then Chris/Brian are my fanon. I love the idea of Felix being raised by two gay men. They would definitely approve of Hoshi. I got weepy when Brian died!
Great work. Webisodes tomorrow!
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Date: 2008-12-11 10:02 pm (UTC)Yeah, I wanted to let go of the spoiler, too. I mean, how many people are other characters in love with/sleeping with? It's perfectly possible that Gaeta can have three ships, because on BSG everyone sleeps with everyone, at least if you're under 40. And it's part of why I want to keep it f-locked. I'll probably see how the webisodes go, but if I'm at all happy with them or they're at all detailed, I won't unlock this at all. I have to have faith- BSG hasn't really steered me wrong much yet. I just ask that they get Gaeta/Hoshi to the TV screen :) But so far, the guy at After Elton seems to really like the webisodes, and I think if there was a feeling of "they're really undermining Gaeta/the gay aspect of his character", this guy would say it.
I'm glad you liked Chris and Brian- they rapidly grew on me, too! I really want to hug them :)
And yes- tomorrow! (And I have to wait until the kids are napping. ARGH!)
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Date: 2008-12-11 10:50 pm (UTC)I'm too tired and too nervous about my finals to write a coherent comment but I love this. You're a queen of brevity. And the idea of Felix having two fathers is such a stroke of genius. And I still love Lucas.
Should I decide to write a story about the same subject after the webisodes, I might come back and indulge in some fic discussion, if that's okay? :)
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Date: 2008-12-12 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 12:36 pm (UTC)I was thinking about this more today, and I'm thinking that a lot really depends on who initiated the relationship. If Sharon was the aggressor at all, I have a lot more respect for Felix than if he was. Because as I was thinking about it, yeah. Your Cylon overlord says she wants you, how many options DO you really have?
The second thought is WAY too cute, but I'll share it anyway:
4 year old Felix, in feetie pajamas, dragging a stuffed animal, coming to sleep in between his daddies after having a bad dream :)
Are you dead of the cute yet? :)
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Date: 2008-12-12 12:38 pm (UTC)Feel free to come back and indulge if you would like- I'm always up for fic discussion!
I'm glad you liked the two fathers- I'm liking them, too. Since I know you're stressed and tired and grumpy, I will give you a cute image to make you smile:
4 year old Felix, in feetie pajamas, dragging a stuffed animal, coming to sleep in between his daddies after having a bad dream :)
Good luck on your finals!!!!
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Date: 2008-12-12 02:12 pm (UTC)4 year old Felix, in feetie pajamas, dragging a stuffed animal, coming to sleep in between his daddies after having a bad dream :)
*dies of cute* Can the stuffed animal be a tiger?
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Date: 2008-12-12 02:27 pm (UTC)If they make it look more like Stockholm's Syndrome, I'll be okay with it. Or even just desperate loneliness. The more I think about it, the more depends on how they handle it. How long was it before this started? How long did it go on? How intense was it? Did Felix think they'd get married, or was he just thinking they cared about each other? How did it end?
When I think about it more, there's really one big scenario that doesn't work for me. That's Felix gets together with Eight because he pursues it, thinks they're very Romeo and Juliet and starts imagining a blissful, peaceful life of babies and True Love, and then gets shafted because that's not what she wants. But somehow, that scenario sounds a little too simplistic and naive for BSG. NO ONE- even Sharon and Helo- have had that simple of a relationship. It's always had some sort of undercurrent.
But yeah, an Eight pursuing Felix, and then Felix giving in and telling himself he's happy because he sees no end to the Occupation in sight... that's something that we might be forgetting that plays into it. Felix was probably very aware that this occupation might continue indefinitely.
Also, as far as Grace Park... I'm wondering. It would be very hard to see your character as doing something nasty. I also was kind of dubious about that TV Guide blurb. Not so much in the factual content, but the writing. It seemed very simplistic. It reminds me a lot of how they're advertising the webisodes- focusing on one tiny aspect of the whole, boiling it down to the easiest explanation. But we all know BSG itself is more complicated than that. I'm just really hoping that Felix is good and over this Eight and Hoshi sticks around for a while. I wonder when the webisodes were written- concurrent with writing the show or after. I like to think they put the Gaeta/Hoshi hug in Revelations for a reason (I mean, Hoshi did have to cross the room, and they did deliberately show it- they could have just stuck to the shot of Gaeta shouting), but... I just really hope they make it to the series. ::Sigh::
*dies of cute* Can the stuffed animal be a tiger?
YES. It has to be, doesn't it????? :)
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Date: 2008-12-12 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 03:29 pm (UTC)IT'S TOO CUTE!! brb drawing this.
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Date: 2008-12-13 12:53 am (UTC)Felix's two dads! Brilliant!!
(thank you for sharing!)
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Date: 2008-12-13 12:56 am (UTC)That second thought is just about the cutest thing EVAR. Cuter than my Cutest Kitty in the World, cute.
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Date: 2008-12-13 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-13 01:34 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!
An idea...
Date: 2008-12-18 01:53 am (UTC)I have no idea if you would be interested in this or if it would take too much time, but I thought I'd float it and see what you had to say.
You're an art student, yes? I assume, from the way you talk, you're pretty good.
I had this idea for the Picture challenge that I made up, of basically a series of pictures of him and his fathers that Gaeta was showing Hoshi. (The four year old one being one of them.) I was thinking, if you were interested, we could do a collaboration- you draw the pictures (whatever style you prefer, even just line drawings/sketches), I'll write the stories? Maybe some events in Felix's life that we could link to how he responded to events in canon?
Anyway, feel free to say it's too much time or whatever, but I thought I'd bounce the idea off you and see if you were interested!
Re: An idea...
Date: 2008-12-18 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 05:17 am (UTC)It's so true to life that Felix could have that example in front of him all his life and yet make such misguided choices about whom to love.
The way you handle the rape scene, mixed in with a bit of Stockholm Syndrome, was difficult to read, complex and even daring. Physical arousal is certainly not a criteria for whether or not rape has happened to a woman, I really don't see why it should be for a man either. Really, the Eight was his oppressor, pretty much completely in control of whether he lived or died. That's not a choice, poor Felix. How ironic of you to have Baltar, who can't seem to even tell the difference between Gina, Caprica and Head!Six, to be the one to point all this out to Felix. I loved Baltar in that one moment, and then two seconds later, you gave me chills with that parting line, "It'll be our little secret." Ow. Curse you in advance, Baltar.
Anyway, I really liked this and found it thought-provoking. I'm sorry I took so long to acknowledge that I'd read it. I've been a bit scattered lately in RL and have missed noticing and/or commenting on some very entertaining fics like this one.
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Date: 2008-12-29 01:44 am (UTC)They did pull it off that I actually believed he made the decision of his own free will, but still. (I'm hoping the L-word doesn't come up in the missing webisode.) Male rape is such a pet plot of mine, although I found that it was harder in BSG because of gender roles. But I've always thought Gaeta would make a good survivor... ::sigh::
Anyway, thanks for commenting! :)
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Date: 2009-03-05 03:27 am (UTC)I like the idea of Felix having 2 dads. And them being the guiding force in his own love life.
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Date: 2009-06-03 05:56 am (UTC)Aha! That's how I missed these fics. I used to avoid spoilers like the plague. It's funny how months later I still don't know what all the comments here mean.
This is an interesting fic. I always did want to know more about Felix and the Eight. Your other story has me thinking what would have happened in this story (or the canon story) if it had been a Six instead of an Eight. Would have been interesting.
"An erection doesn't constitute consent." Very interesting and true sentence. Makes me think about Caprica. I'm not sure if what happened with Caprica and Tigh was consensual. Can a prisoner ever consent, really? And what about Ellen and Cavil? It's all so complicated.
Such thinky thoughts! You had a lot of thinky thoughts based on spoilers. I like the backstory you give Felix too. I love everyone's Felix backstories. I love Felix and when anyone writes about him. I hope he fares better in the next of your stories that I read. Off to read one more tonight!
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Date: 2009-06-03 07:49 pm (UTC)I did another Felix/Eight story where it was more consensual- I forget if you read it or not. (It was much more from her side than his, and it's the prologue to my big bang now :) )
I'm glad this was a thinky one! :)