FIC: A Lot to Live Up To (Part 4)
May. 22nd, 2009 07:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantTitle: A Lot to Live Up To, Part 4
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and Hoshi
Pairings: Dee/Lee, eventual Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho in the background.
Summary: Dee thought she just about had life on the Pegasus worked out… and then the Cylons found them.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Exodus II
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome betatrovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
"Status update?" Dee asked.
"Chief Laird reports that the airlock should be functional in," Martins consulted her clipboard, "'a day or two, I think'," she read off dryly. Dee rolled her eyes, and even Martins couldn't contain a little grin. "He's got a crew working on it, and doesn't anticipate any problems."
"Good. Does he have any idea how it was damaged?"
"Wear and tear, sir."
Or someone making a jump too close to the battlestar. Dee made a mental note to investigate that possibility. "What's the status on the engine pod maintenance?"
"Proceeding as scheduled, sir."
Dee nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant," she began, and one of the comm units began to buzz. Dee immediately recognized the incoming signal frequency as one from the ground, and picked the receiver up curiously. "Pegasus, Dualla," she said.
"Dee?" The voice was all too familiar. Dee's eyes flared open in recognition.
"Starbuck. What can I do for you?" She's on the ground, Dee reminded herself savagely. On the ground and married.
"Is Lee there?" Kara sounded funny, a combination of frustrated and worried. "I mean… is the Commander there?"
"He's not in the CIC at the moment, but if you like I can make sure he gets a message," Dee said.
"It's really important," Kara was saying. "I need to speak to Lee."
The CIC doors opened, and Dee heard Hoshi say, "Commander on deck." Lee's uniform was unbuttoned, and his was hair tousled and informal. A treacherous little voice in her mind said that if Kara could see him, she wouldn't want him looking like this anyway.
"Hey, what's going on?" Lee asked.
Dee handed him the receiver. "It's for you."
Lee stared at the receiver like it was a mouse. "Who is it?" he asked.
"It's for you," Dee repeated, holding out the receiver more insistently.
"Who is it?" Lee asked again, and then smirked and then got it. "Right," he said, in a voice that did Dee's heart good. He put the receiver to his ear. "What do you want?"
She couldn't drift away without looking like that was what she was doing, so Dee stared fixedly up at the DRADIS screen like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. She wasn't expecting to see anything, especially given the mess the screen usually looked in the orbit around New Caprica. And she didn't want to see anything. Which was exactly why the blips stood out to her.
With the first one, she told herself it was a fluke, a trick, her imagination. But with the second one, the world slowed.
"Commander," she heard herself saying, her voice echoing in her ears.
Lee's voice came from miles away, and in her ear at the same time. "Wait. Yeah, Lieutenant. What is it?"
Another one. "I'm not sure. Picking up something on DRADIS."
"DRADIS? How can you see anything in that soup?"
Another blip. "There it is," Dee said, and the world stopped completely. Kara Thrace was nothing compared to this.
"What is it? Wait, what is that?"
"Oh, my Gods, it's a Cylon fleet. They found us," Dee said. She looked at Lee, her heart pounding in her throat and convinced this was how it felt to relive a nightmare. "They found us."
Lee whirled. "Mr. Hoshi. Confirm."
Hoshi was already typing something frantically into his console. "The Lieutenant is right, sir. I'm counting three, four, six baseships." He spun something and tapped his headset. "Patching us through to Galactica." He flipped a switch. "Action stations, action stations. Set Condition One throughout the ship. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill." He looked over at Lee. "Awaiting your orders, sir."
For a moment, Lee just looked flabbergasted. Then he shifted into action. "Tactical, spool up the FTL drive."
"Multiple DRADIS contacts bearing seven four two," Hoshi reported.
"Defensive batteries," Lee ordered. "Selective fire."
"Launch the alert fighters?" Dee asked.
Thorton shook his head. "That's a no-go, Lieutenant. The birds aren't ready to be launched."
"What?" Lee demanded. "What the frak?"
Thorton just shrugged.
"Two more base ships jumping in," Hoshi said.
"What about the Galactica Vipers?" Dee asked.
"Nothing in the air yet," Thorton reported back.
"Get me Galactica," Lee said. Hoshi nodded, and Lee nearly yanked the receiver off the line. He stepped away from the table slightly, leaning over and lowering his voice. "We have to get out of here, sir." Dee was close enough that she heard him clearly, and the words froze her. But before she could say anything, Lee spoke again. "There's nothing we can do. It's taken us forever just to get to action stations over here. We're in no shape for a fight, sir." Adama said something, and Lee shook his head. "We don't have a choice. We need to get out of here right now." He nodded. "Thank you, sir."
He looked up, and then looked at Thorton and Hoshi. "Begin jump prep."
"But sir-" Hoshi began.
Lee cut him off. "Those are the Admiral's orders, Mr. Hoshi."
Hoshi and Thorton exchanged glances. Out of the corner of her eye, Dee could see Martins barely containing her rage. And for once, she didn't blame the Pegasus crew one bit. But Hoshi just shook his head and said, "Aye, sir."
"Starting to green," Dee said, not recognizing her own voice at all. "Sublight."
"Go."
"Helm."
"Go," Martins said. Another Cylon baseship appeared on the DRADIS, and the Raiders began to launch.
"Tactical."
"Go," Thorton acknowledged.
"Nav."
"Go," Hoshi ground out.
"FTL."
"Spun up. Board is green."
"The Fleet's away," Thorton confirmed.
"All right," Lee said. "Execute jump."
The world lurched, and the DRADIS was clear.
One by one, little dots began appearing. The Fleet, in formation, but with huge gaps where ships were still on the ground at New Caprica. And one large dot labeled Galactica, flanking the other side of the Fleet.
The CIC was silent.
Dee swallowed hard, because if she didn't, she was going to throw up. Thirty nine thousand people dead, probably in a cloud of radioactive detonation. It wouldn't have taken long to wipe the New Caprica settlement out, and they… they had done nothing. They hadn't defended, hadn't protected… nothing. She closed her eyes.
Lee wiped his face and then braced his hands against the table, bowing his head. Something beeped, and Thorton reached out to silence it. Dee felt like she could hear every breath, feel every heartbeat.
Lee looked up. "I know," he began, "that there were people down there. Thirty nine thousand people. And I know that the decision to retreat will not be a popular one."
"No, sir, it won't."
Dee turned with the others, automatically, to look at Hoshi. He'd stood up, arms crossed.
"Mr. Hoshi," Lee said, "do you have something to say?"
"We should have fought them, Commander. To hell and back with our own asses- we should have fought them."
"With what?" Lee asked. "What would you have had us fight them with, Lieutenant?" Lee turned so he was facing the entire CIC now. "Our birds were all still in the hangar deck. Not one Viper, not one Raptor, was ready to be launched three minutes after the ships jumped into orbit. Our gun batteries? Largely unmanned. Our nukes? Well, our nukes were operable, but how were we going to gun down six baseships with two understaffed battlestars, even as more Cylon baseships jumped into orbit?
"Yes, we ran. But let's consider some facts. We have two thousand people in this Fleet, two thousand who need protection. What we call our Colonial Fleet is a pair of half-strength battlestars, one so old and antiquated it was literally ready to become a museum. And we were desperately outnumbered. We would have lost. And then not only the people on New Caprica would have died, but the people we could save. The people in these ships, in this Fleet. If we had stayed and fought, humanity would be completely extinct.
"So, what would you have had us do, Mr. Hoshi? Which would you choose? Our pride, or our survival?"
Hoshi raised his chin. "It's not a question of our pride or our survival, Commander. It's a question of our imperative. War is our imperative, and running like we did defied our very nature."
A murmur ran through the CIC, and the staff was exchanging glances. Defiant glances. Angry. Like something in Hoshi's words stirred them, touching a memory deep within each of them. Hoshi stood straight, glaring at Lee.
Lee stepped up to him. "And if it was the Gods themselves that attacked us? Would you fight them, too?"
There was a glint in Hoshi's eye as he tilted his head. "Any day, sir." They locked gazes for a long moment, the CIC hovering on a razor's edge.
The comm unit buzzed. Dee waited, and then picked the receiver up herself. "Pegasus. Dualla."
"This is Galactica actual," Adama said, his voice rough with anger over the line. "Get the Commander on the horn immediately."
"Commander," Dee said, extending the receiver, and the spell broke. Lee made a disgusted noise and whirled away from Hoshi, taking the receiver from Dee. Hoshi sat back down at his console, bending over and applying himself to the job. Thorton thumped him on the shoulder, and then retreated to his own console. Martins glared angrily at Lee, and then began calling down to the hangar deck for the necessary updates. All around Dee, the CIC lurched back to life and action, even if it wasn't the action or life that it was meant for. Dee stood still in the thick of it, watching Hoshi. The enormity of what had happened hadn't sunk in just yet, but what he was saying… she shivered.
Lee slammed down the phone. Dee raised her eyebrows at him, and he sighed. "The Admiral wants to see us immediately," he informed her. "We should go."
***
The Raptor was silent, except for the beeping of sensors and the low occasional word between the pilot and the ECO. Dee stared at the panels, only seeing a collection of shapes rather than distinct objects. The world was upside down.
"Gods," Lee suddenly exploded. "Just who the hell does he think he is, anyway?"
"Who?" Dee asked, more because the response was expected from her than because she didn't know the answer.
"Hoshi. Gods, what a frak. We've let him go too long. I used to think all of Garner's reports of insubordination were just trumped up charges and Garner's bruised ego, but now I'm not so sure." Dee shrugged, mentally snorting and watching Thumper and his ECO Scissors as discreetly as could. Thumper gave no reaction, but Scissors snickered. "I'm going to speak to the Admiral about this."
Dee looked at him as if he was crazy. "And say what?" she asked. "That he told you that we should have stood and fought the Cylons? That he didn't approve of your command decisions?"
"You heard him," Lee said. "It was insubordinate, disrespectful-"
"And compared to the flak I've been getting from him for the past eight months, downright restrained," Dee said angrily. "This is the Pegasus, Lee. They've been fighting the Cylons since the attacks."
"Oh, and we haven't?"
"No," Dee said. "We haven't. We've been protecting humanity. They're two different ideas, Lee, and two different schools of thought."
"Yeah, well, we were right."
Dee turned to Scissors. "Hoshi said something in the CIC," she said. "Something about the imperative of war. What did he mean by that?"
The humor leeched from Scissors' face, replaced with a dark solemnity. "It was something that Cain said after we learned of the destruction of the Colonies," he said. "She said that a philosopher had once said When face with untenable alternatives, you should consider your imperative. We were faced with untenable alternatives, and our imperative was- is- war. That that was what we had left to live for, to make the Cylons understand that this war would never be over."
"So say we all," Thumper said in a hard and angry voice.
"Yeah, well, the war is over," Lee said. "And we lost."
Dee had heard that said before, and in a sense, she agreed with it. But she saw the outrage on Scissors' face when Lee uttered those words, and she realized that that was the feeling she'd been getting on the Pegasus that she hadn't been able to put a finger to. That was why life was edgier here, less settled than on Galactica. She glimpsed it, struggled with it, tried to understand how that imperative lived and breathed in the hearts and minds of the soldiers on this ship versus on her own, and came up with only the most hollow understanding. She suddenly found herself wishing she'd known Cain better, just to understand the crew better.
"We're landing, sir," Thumper said, with the unspoken good riddance hanging in the air. Dee sighed and braced herself as she spotted Adama waiting for them.
***
"I know what you're going to say," Lee began as soon as the hatch to the Admiral's quarters closed behind them, "but it was the right decision."
"I didn't say it wasn't. Sit."
Dee sat down next to Helo, but Lee stayed standing. "We were outnumbered. If we'd attempted to defend-"
"That's not why it was the right decision." Adama sat down at his desk, looking for a long moment at his glasses. "How many shots did you fire?"
"Shots? Not one, sir."
"No alert fighters. No shots. They caught us with our pants down, and we were able to jump away, with not so much as a scratch. What does that tell you?"
Dee saw it an instant before Lee did, and her heart leapt with the realization.
"We've kept a Raptor on surveillance in the debris around New Caprica," Adama continued. "There have been no signs of nuclear detonation, no indication of damage. Before ground contact was cut off, we were told that no shots had been fired. The goal of this mission wasn't destruction."
"And it's a fair bet Baltar surrendered," Helo said, wonder in his voice.
"He'd do anything to save his own skin," Adama agreed. "Even sell his own people into slavery."
"Our people must still be alive," Dee said, hope flaring wildly within her.
Adama nodded. "So now it's time to talk about how we get them back."
"Excuse me?" Lee asked. "Not to be disrespectful, sir, but are you insane?"
"I've been told so a few times," Adama said seriously.
"When we left, six basestars had jumped into orbit. I assume that the Cylons have no trouble calling in more. And you want us- two half-strength battlestars- to take them all out?"
"No," Adama said, "I want us to rescue our people. If we take the basestars out, I won't complain. But our first priority is to our people. I would have thought you would understand that."
"I understand that," Lee said, bristling, "but it can't be done."
"It can, and it will."
"I don't see how."
"That's our job, to find a way."
Lee laughed bitterly. "Fighting the Gods," he muttered.
Adama looked up. "What?"
"Nothing. Just something Hoshi said." Lee made a face as Adama's silence flowed towards him. "That war is our imperative, and that we should have stayed and fought. He's wrong," Lee said, thrusting his chin out.
"He is, but not for your reasons. Now shut up and sit down. We've got a rescue to start planning."
***
"He's dreaming," Lee ranted, throwing his towel down on the bed. "There's no possible way."
"So you keep saying." Dee was trying to focus on the reports from the day. It was difficult- she hadn't realized just how exhausted she was, and yet she still didn't think she could sleep. Nightmarish images kept running through her mind, along with an intense, overwhelming guilt. Guilt that she was alive, guilt that they'd run… Hoshi's angry face appeared in front of her eyes and she pushed it away angrily. "But Lee, they're still alive down there."
"So we assume."
"The Cylons aren't going to line thirty-nine thousand people up and shoot them execution style," Dee said crossly. "Something else is going on. If they were bent on destruction, they would have nuked the place." She flipped the page and groaned inwardly. The engine pod maintenance reports. Could she have found anything more tedious and boring to read?
"I'm just saying… I don't see how we're going to do it."
Dee opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out because the signature stating that the supply requisition had been filled hit her, and hit her hard.
"What is it?" Lee asked.
She put the report down. "Felix is down there," Dee said, wiping at her eyes. "And he's in the government. He's Baltar's right hand man. Lee, if Helo's right and Baltar surrendered, Felix is either… he could collaborate or he's dead. He might be dead already and-"
"Hey, hey." Lee came around and took her by the shoulders. "Don't jump to conclusions, all right?" he said. "It's not that black and white. Maybe… maybe they're taking prisoners. Or maybe Felix got out of Colonial One before they attacked. Like you keep saying, we don't know what's happening down there."
Dee nodded. "You're right," she said, wiping her eyes and pushing away the dread. Lee smiled and patted her knee, and Dee thought how much easier it would be to believe him if he believed himself.
"Look," Lee said, stroking her hair, "it's going to be okay, all right? We're going to be okay."
Dee sighed heavily. "I know we will be," she said, and then picked up her reports again. "It's everyone else I'm worried about."
***
Guilt was all well and good, but it didn't solve any problems, and Dee knew that. She felt it, boxed it up, and decided it was time to get her crew back into shape so they could do something. A week later, she had a training schedule worked out, and was standing in front of the crew, ready to treat them like new recruits.
"All right, maggots!" Noel shouted, and Dee thought there might be a bit of a gleeful note in his voice, "let's fall in line! You heard the XO! Move it! Move it! Move it!"
"If ranks aren't formed in ten seconds, I'm adding another two laps!" Dee shouted.
The crew fell into line. Noel took his spot by the pilots, and began shouting again. "Let's move it! We've got ten laps to finish before 0700 hours, and that's only an hour and a half away! Get your frakking asses in gear, you lazy lumps of lard!"
Dee was about to take her own spot when to her surprise, Hoshi appeared at her elbow in sweats and tanks. "Need someone to take another group?" he asked.
"You're supposed to be-"
He glared at her. "I'm the one that yelled at the Commander in the middle of the CIC. I figure I'd better put my money where my mouth is. Thorton's covering my shift. I'll take the slow group."
"All right," Dee relented, partly because he had a point but mainly because she needed anyone she could get to push this crew into anything resembling discipline. "Get back there," she said, jerking her thumb. "My group! Let's move it!"
The squadron lurched into motion, and Dee ran beside them, shouting all the while. This group was mainly gunners, and Dee noticed that a lot of them had gotten a bit soft. They ran through the halls of the Pegasus, crew who weren't called for this run moving out of their way and pointedly not watching them. But they made it through, although on their second to last lap Dee spotted Lee watching them, confusion written clearly on his face. And she wasn't surprised when he found her afterwards in the nearly-deserted officers' mess.
"What was that?"
Dee poured herself a glass of water and drank it down before she answered. "What was what, Commander?"
"Running laps? Dee, are you insane?"
"No, just extremely sweaty." Dee smiled at Lee, who was glaring at her, arms crossed.
"Laps aren't going to help us take on the Cylons on New Caprica."
"You're joking if you think that."
"Laps. Dee, the crew is in good shape."
Dee looked pointedly at Lee's stomach, and he flushed. She sighed and shook her head, pouring another glass of water. "They're not in top notch shape," she said, "but that isn't really the point."
"Oh? Enlighten me. What is the point?"
"Discipline," Dee said shortly. "I need a shower." She slipped by Lee, assuming that most of the pilots would have left the officers' head by now.
She was right, and as she walked in she saw that the only two occupants were Noel and Hoshi. They were stripping down- Hoshi was folding his clothing, standing in his boxers, and Noel was unselfconsciously naked, using his towel as a whip to illustrate some joke rather than to cover up.
"So, Scissors tried to tell me that he already got up and did his laps, but you know he's full of shit- Scissors would sleep the whole day if he could get away with it. Remember that time Admiral Cain found him asleep at his station?" Hoshi laughed evilly at that, and Noel grinned as he continued, "So yeah. I told him to get his ass in line and run or I'd be showing the pilots a porno in a dark room and making him mop up afterwards and bang!" The towel impacted against a locker. "He fell into line just like that."
"That's frakking disgusting," Hoshi said, but he was still laughing. "Only you would think of something like that." He stripped off his boxers.
"Yeah, well, it worked, didn't it? Would you want to clean up all that- oh, hey, XO." Noel nudged Hoshi. "You could salute." He snapped off a salute, complete, Dee noticed, with a full erection and a mischievous grin.
"Yes, we're all very impressed. Put it away, Narcho," Dee said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, I get off on power," Noel said cheerfully. Hoshi snorted, and Dee began pulling off her own tanks.
"I don't want to hear any more. Just take your shower." She tossed her tanks into her locker and stepped out of her sweats, and then noticed that Hoshi was leaning against the lockers, arms crossed, watching her. "What?" she demanded.
"Sorry my salute isn't as impressive as Narcho's. Guess we can't all have a hard-on for the XO."
Dee arched her eyebrow. "I'm sorry, was that an attempt at humor?" she asked. She shook her head. "Will wonders ever cease?"
"Haven't seen much in the way of wonders recently here," Hoshi said derisively.
"Well, that's a really nice thing to say when a woman strips down in front of you," Noel said. "You're supposed to flatter them."
Hoshi stared at him blankly. "When did I ever give you the impression I was interested in women?"
"And are you always this insufferable after a workout?" Dee asked Noel.
"No, only after I've tasted power. Power, I say!" Noel shouted, raising his fists to the air and then laughing maniacally. Hoshi whacked him in the face with a towel, and Dee slow-clapped.
"Look!" Noel shouted, his voice muffled by the towel, "I'm bringing you two together! I am a miracle worker! I AM A GOD!"
Hoshi shoved him into a stall. "You are an idiot," he said, but he was laughing. Dee was startled to notice that when Hoshi laughed like that, his entire face lit up, changing it completely from plain to almost handsome. But the effect went away immediately as he fell back into his normal, serious expression. "Are you really going to keep him as a drill instructor?"
"Yes, I'll just sic him on you afterwards, and you can deal with him," Dee said. She pulled her ponytail holder out and stepped into her own stall and turned on the water. The warmth of it felt good, rushing over her.
"You could sic him on your husband," Hoshi suggested. "Maybe he could annoy him enough to light a fire under his fat ass."
"Again with the fat cracks," Dee sighed. "You're not very creative these days, are you?"
"He's taking all the fun out of it," Hoshi agreed. "He's turned into a mockery all by himself. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Fat fish."
"Not affected. Sorry, try again," Dee said.
"Louis, she agrees with you," Noel said. "Come on, who do you think got the drills started? Lay off her, will you? Frak, if the two of you would actually fight the Cylons with half as much energy as you fight each other, we'd beat them in seconds."
"It's not that easy." Hoshi's voice drifted up over the steam. "You know that, Noel. Especially with half the pilots down in that frakked up hellhole. And that was before the Cylons landed."
The laughter ebbed out of the room, like it had constantly this past week. Any time anyone thought they could go on with life, could forget what had happened, the memory of the attack loomed up out of the bog of memory, squashing any sort of joy. She sighed.
Noel felt it too. "I wonder what's happening down there," he said, and his voice was so serious. "Louis, do you think Cole-"
"I don't know," Hoshi snapped, but even Dee could hear it wasn't anger in his voice, but worry. "I don’t know any more than you do."
"I know, but-"
"Don't think about it," Hoshi said. "Unless you're using it to get angry, don't think about it."
Dee didn't hear Noel's response because she ducked under the water, letting it rush over her hair and drowning out their voices. She closed her eyes, and when she did, the images came again. So many people she loved were down there- Cally, Chief, Roslin, Tigh… and Felix. Thinking about Felix was the worst.
She shut off the water and stepped out, surprised to see Hoshi stepping out of his shower at the same time. "You're crying," he said bluntly.
"I am not," Dee said. She wiped her wet face. "And even if I was, you'd be the last person I'd tell."
"Don't know why. Your husband, your father-in-law, and your best friend are all up here safe," Hoshi said mockingly. "Why would you care what's happening on New Caprica?"
Noel appeared at her side suddenly. "Her best friend is on New Caprica, you frakking twit." He tossed his towel in Hoshi's face. "Get dressed before you say something else stupid."
Dee smiled weakly at Noel and turned away, trying to focus on her clothing. "I'll just be glad when this is over and our people are back," she said, keeping her voice as steady as possible.
"We all will," Noel agreed.
***
"What have we got?" Lee asked, looking over Dee's shoulder as she sat at her desk in their quarters. "Twelve disciplinary actions? How many days does that cover?"
"Since this morning," Dee said. She sighed. "Some of them are minor. Two instances of crew members showing up late for duty, an account of a rather unimaginative insubordination, a Marine who performed especially poorly on his firearm check, and a pilot who decided to take a few shortcuts on their postflight check."
"But the other seven?"
"Two fistfights, which accounts for four, a botched landing from a Viper drill, a Marine showing up drunk, and a much more imaginative insubordination." Dee bit her lip. "Lee, the crew is… well, they aren't slipping. The response time has decreased by forty percent, which is good, and our drill performance has been improving in all areas. But they're getting restless. It's been two months. Has the Admiral said anything about when we're going back to New Caprica?"
"Of course he talks about New Caprica. That's all he talks about. That's all he thinks about."
"Yes, but has there been-"
"He's still looking for a plan, Dee." Lee sighed heavily. "Gods, I wish we still had Starbuck. This is the exact kind of thing-"
"Starbuck's not the only one who can think outside the box," Dee said sternly. "When you put your mind to it, you come up with some pretty creative ideas yourself."
"But not like hers," Lee bemoaned. Dee bit the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything she'd regret. "This would be so much easier if we had her."
"Yeah, well, we don't," Dee snapped. She softened at Lee's expression. "But we'll come up with something, Lee. I believe that."
"Yeah, I guess I do, too," Lee said, but they both knew he was lying.
***
"Any questions about the current status?" Helo asked. Dee and Hoshi both shook their heads, and Helo stood. "Thank you, lieutenants." He saluted, and Dee and Hoshi both saluted back. Then Helo grinned. "Walk me out? I still get a little lost on this battlestar."
For some reason, that statement made Hoshi grin wryly, and Dee suspected that he was mentally mocking Helo for it. But to her surprise and annoyance, he walked with them towards the hangar deck. Helo didn't seem to mind, though, and kept up an idle stream of chatter with Hoshi until they arrived on the hangar deck.
"It looks like Racetrack has Laird pinned down," Helo said as they entered. "If you'll excuse me for a second, I really want to give her a hand."
"Go ahead," Dee said, watching Helo jog over. After he left, she turned to Hoshi. "What was that back there?"
"What was what, sir?"
"Your report on our Viper drills. The pilots are sloppy and undisciplined, even by Galactica standards? They need direction and focus? CAG and commanding officers need to push harder?"
"The Captain asked a question. I answered it."
"You-"
"Did I say something you disagree with, Lieutenant?" Hoshi asked evenly, but his eyes were glinting with challenge. "Or did you not like me criticizing your husband?"
"You could have been more tactful about it."
"Why? Commander Adama wasn't in the room to protect his delicate feelings. And besides, if this rescue op is going to go off, we can't be so concerned about what your precious Commander thinks. The Admiral has to know exactly what our status is. Anything less is betraying the soldiers under your command."
"You think I'm doing a lousy job," Dee said.
"Didn't say that. But I think you're being frakking lazy and cowardly about not confronting your husband on the lousy job that he's doing."
"What are you saying, Lieutenant?"
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Hoshi asked, in a duty-bound tone of voice.
"When has that ever stopped you?" Dee demanded.
"The Commander is a joke. He's soft, cowardly, and weak. He's not fit to take Admiral Cain's place."
"Because Admiral Cain was such a shining example of what an Admiral should be."
"She was. She was ready to make sacrifices that your frakking husband would never even dream of."
"Like murdering civilians aboard the Scylla?"
Hoshi flinched at that, but he regrouped. "Do you know what happened when the Cylons attacked us?" he asked. "I was knocked out. I was told that Cain found me, and then she left me there, because the lives of the rest of her crew and the mission were more important than me."
"Oh, poor baby. Didn't Cain love you enough?"
"You're missing the point," Hoshi said scornfully. "Cain did love me. She was alike a frakking older sister to me. And she left me there, because she knew what she had to do and she didn't let emotion get in the way. And I'm frakking proud of her for that."
"And that's Lee's problem?" Dee scoffed.
"Lee, the Admiral, you… yes, in a word."
"Is that why Cain shot Colonel Belzen? For the good of her crew and the mission?"
"That was different." But something in Hoshi's stance shifted, and Dee realized he was on the defensive on this one, in a very deep and personal way.
"How? Explain that one to me. How is it in any way acceptable for an Admiral to shoot her XO like that? How is that in anyway unemotional? Or admirable? If you ask me, it was a sign of one of two things: power hunger cruelty, or insanity."
"At least she fought!" Hoshi shouted, and Dee recoiled from that one. "At least she did something, instead of sitting around and letting the Cylons get away with it!"
"Yeah, she shot her XO, murdered civilians, and employed rape and torture as interrogation devices! We swore to protect the people of the Colonies. Some protection! Didn't any of that get through to you while you were sitting on your ass in CIC? Didn't any of those lives mean a thing to you?"
"Of course they did!"
"Then why did you stand by? Why didn't you stop it?" Hoshi opened his mouth, but Dee rushed on. "I'll tell you why- because you would have just gotten a bullet in your head for your trouble. You say that Cain gave a frak about you, but deep down you know she never listened to a word you said, and she would have shot you just as easily as she shot Belzen if you dared to defy her!"
Hoshi swung at her.
It was a slap, not a punch, and there was a part of Dee that thought that was completely pathetic. But it contacted with her cheek and sent her reeling, and Dee was almost happy because it gave her the excuse to come up and land a right cross right across Hoshi's face.
"You bitch!" he shouted, and she was savagely pleased to see that his nose was bleeding. "You think you can just waltz on to the Pegasus and take everything over, and then just sit back and not do your damn job? If you were half the XO that Jurgen was on his worst day, you'd be riding your husband so frakking hard the bastard wouldn't even think of arguing with you. He'd be the Commander he was before we found this planet, instead of the useless pining whining FRAK that he is now and-"
Dee swung again, but someone grabbed her by the waist and threw her against the wall. There was a thud, and Hoshi landed beside her, flat on his ass. They were both hit with a hard spray of ice-cold water. Dee sputtered, crawling away from it and looking up to see who the offender was.
Helo stood above her, glaring down at them both. He turned off the hose, leaving Hoshi dripping wet and coughing on the floor.
"Are you two done?" he demanded.
Dee nodded silently, and Hoshi wiped his face. Helo reached down and grabbed Dee's hand, hauling her to her feet. "Get yourself cleaned up," he ordered Hoshi "We're not saying a word about this to the Commander or the Admiral, right?"
"If you say so, sir."
Helo sighed. "We're planning a rescue op. We don't need the XO and the best Communications Officer in the Fleet in the hack right now."
"Aye, sir," Hoshi said miserably. He started to get to his feet.
Helo still had a vice grip on Dee's wrist. "Come on."
***
"What the frak, Dee?" he said, beginning to undo her jacket like she was a child. "I have never, ever seen you act like that. What's going on?"
To her shock and horror, Dee felt the tears welling in her eyes. "You know what, Helo? He's right."
"About Cain?" Helo said, surprised.
"No. About me. About Lee. He's always been right. Every time. I did sleep my way to the XO position."
"Oh, Gods," Helo said, sounding a little panicked. He looked around the room frantically and found a handkerchief. "Dee, he's not right."
"Yes, he is. Lee's been… he's been lost. Drifting. Not a Commander, nothing like he should be."
Helo gently dried her face. "And how's that your fault?" he asked. "Lee's an adult, Dee. He makes his own decisions."
"Yeah, but I'm his wife."
"His wife, not his keeper." Helo sat back, looking at Dee like she was going to fall over if he left her. "Dee, I know that Lee's having a hard time with all this, and I don't blame him. But he's human, right? He's not a machine." Helo grinned at the irony. "I've known Lee a long time, and his heart was never in the military. He was in it to pay for college, and because his father expected it of him. He's good, Dee, but he's not a soldier at heart. Not like you or me. You can't force him to be something he's not, Dee. The best you can do is to help him get through this."
"But you've seen how he's handling-"
"I said help," Helo said gently. "Not control. Come on, Dee." He put his arms around her and pulled her in close. "Have a good cry," he advised. "It sounds like you need it."
Dee nodded and laid her head against Helo's shoulder. It felt so good just to have someone support her without question, not pushing her, just accepting that she had reached her limit for the day. Just listening. "Ever since the Cylons found us again, he's just… I keep waiting for him to climb out of this hole he's in," Dee confided. "And he just won't, no matter how hard I try. It's like he doesn't believe it's worth fighting for, or he's scared of what will happen if we lose, and that everything is pointless and he can't do it. And every day we know there are people who are frustrated and want to attack, and people who agree with him and think it's pointless, and I don't know how long we can keep the balance up, and Hoshi keeps staring at me with these accusing eyes and telling me I should be fixing it, and that I don't care what's happening to the people on the ground, when it's all I can even do not to think constantly about them and if I even think about Chief or Felix or Cally I just want to…" Dee completely dissolved into tears.
Helo let her cry for a long, long time into his shoulder, until her back began to hurt and she couldn't breathe and her body began to protest. The tears dried up, and she was finally able to sit back.
"Hoshi's not right about you, okay?" Helo said, wiping her face. "You're doing a great job. Don't think that the Old Man doesn't know what's going on over here." Dee nodded. "Feel better?" he asked.
Dee considered it. "A bit," she said. "But my underwear is still wet."
Helo stared at her, and suddenly they both burst into hysterical laughter, laughing far harder than the joke warranted. When they calmed down again, Dee managed to ask, "You won't tell Lee about this?"
"Lee or the Admiral. As long as you pull yourself back together and don't deck any more officers, you have my word."
Dee nodded and wiped her cheeks with the palms of her hands. "I'll pull it back together," she promised, lifting her chin. "And I won't toss Hoshi out the airlock."
Helo laughed.
***
The storage closet was dusty and cluttered. In one of the few non-duty related sentences Hoshi had uttered to her in the past two weeks, he had mentioned that Belzen might have had an old copy of an obscure tactics manual. Dee sifted through the boxes until she found the ones labeled as Jurgen Belzen's personal effects. She hauled them out and opened them up.
As she did, Dee suspected that Hoshi was wrong, and the manual wasn't in here. The effects that were left were trivial and would have no use to anyone. There were no grooming supplies, no medications, nothing that could have been recycled and given to someone else to use, and definitely nothing military. There were two magazines on paragliding, and a book that looked like a trashy detective novel. Dee set them both aside, and then found several framed pictures.
The first was a triad, foldout frame. On either side were pictures of young girls, pretty and wearing blue dresses and big smiles. In the center was a picture of the two girls with their parents: a pretty brown-haired woman with large eyes, and a handsome man sitting proudly in his Colonial uniform, the Colonel's pips clear on his collar. Dee looked at the picture more closely, realizing that this must be Belzen himself. She closed the frame and put it aside. The next framed picture was the wife again, and then there was a picture of Belzen with his wife and a glider, both of them grinning into the sunlight. Obviously a family man, whose family was destroyed in the attacks. Dee shuddered.
She picked up the next frame, and broken glass slid out and tinkled to the floor. In the one opening stood Cain, Belzen, and Hoshi, all stiff and formal in their dress grays. On the other side, the three of them were sitting at a bar in civilian clothing, all holding huge drinks and smiling, Hoshi sitting in the center. The picture sent a warm shock through her, and Dee realized that Hoshi hadn't been lying about his close relationship with Cain, and that he'd been just as close with Belzen. In fact, as she looked at it more closely, she noticed that their free arms were around Hoshi's shoulders.
She shook her head and pulled out a packet of unframed pictures, bound together with a rubber band. She pulled the band away and sat down on the floor to look through them.
She flipped through, slowly at first. The pictures on the top were obviously the more recent. She recognized many faces as members of the Pegasus crew. Dee halted on a picture of Noel and Hoshi, sitting on what must have been Noel's motorcycle on Scorpia. Hoshi's hair was longer and his arms wrapped around Noel's waist, Noel had a tan, and they looked considerably younger… and extremely happy.
Picture after picture fell away. Men and women in uniform, deckhands grinning by Vipers, people at bars, on beaches. More pictures of Belzen's family. A man who must have been Belzen's brother by the look of him, kneeling by a dog. A gorgeous wedding photo. A group of people in swimsuits, waving. A teenaged boy, bald and gaunt, sitting on a hospital bed. An old woman in a wheelchair, looking out a window. An old man cuddling with a little boy, reading him a book. A young Belzen graduating Academy.
All these people… the ones she didn't recognize, anyway… were gone. Completely gone. No one remembered them now. And this was what humanity was going to become- faces that no one knew or remembered.
Adama had been right, in so many ways. But Cain was right, too, and now her people were right. Hoshi was right. The imperative of war. It beat in Dee just like it did in him, in Noel, in the Pegasus crew… it was who they were and what they had chosen. Dee had chosen to serve, and to protect.
Sometimes to protect it was best to run away. But sometimes you had to turn and fight, to face unbeatable odds, to fight Gods. You had to make those terrible sacrifices. And now it was Dee's turn to sacrifice, if she had to. She couldn't sit by any more and let Lee drift away, trying to run the ship in his shadow. Lee had to face up, to do what must be done and make his sacrifices. As his XO, it was her duty to make him see that, and as his wife, it was her duty to then step back and support him as he did. Even if Lee didn't like it.
She looked at the pictures in her hand one more time, and then wrapped the band around them and put them into one of her own drawers. She might not know who these people were, but she wouldn't let them be lost to oblivion. Just like she wouldn't let New Caprica be lost forever, either.
It was time to fight back.
***
The thing about trying to talk to Lee was that Lee had a tendency not to listen. Dee tried several times, but the opportunity was never right, and she never even quite got to her subject. It took two weeks before the right moment presented itself. Dee was in their quarters bent over her own work, her dinner cold on a tray beside her, when Lee walked in. He was agitated and drawn. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"My father." Lee nearly spat the words. "He's expecting miracles."
"What do you mean?" Dee asked.
"Two of our pilots almost got killed because they've been in the cockpit for eleven hours," Lee explained. "And he wants to bust my balls. 'You're soft.' Can you believe that?" He flopped into a chair gracelessly.
This was it. She'd been thinking she'd be nervous, but instead, she felt a sense of purpose. Because if Lee didn't listen… if he wouldn't listen… well then, he wasn't the Lee Adama that she loved anymore.
"What? Oh, you agree. Is that it?"
"Forget it. I'm not looking for a fight," Dee sighed, testing him.
"Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that." Lee sounded bitter and mocking, but under it, there was something more. Dee looked up at him, studying him carefully. "You got something to say, come out and say it."
And there it was in his face, something desperate and lonely, and Dee realized that for once, Lee wanted to hear the truth. He wanted to know what she was thinking, wanted confirmation of how much standing he'd lost in her eyes. "He's right," she said. "You are soft. I'm not talking about the weight. You've lost your edge, your confidence. You lost your war, Lee. And the truth is, you're a soldier who needs a war. And you don't want to hear it, because you've got it in your head that your father's the soldier. And you sure don't want to be like him. But you are like him. You're more like him than you know. That's one of the reasons I married you."
She turned back to her work, her heart pounding in her ears. But when she glanced back up at him, she could see he was thinking. And she couldn't help thinking she should have said this a long time ago.
***
"Commander on deck."
Dee looked up from Helo's latest plan to see Lee walking in. "Commander."
"What's going on?" he asked her, with a forced casualness that told her he was still dwelling on her words from last night.
"Nothing of note, sir."
"Anything on the wireless?" Lee asked Hoshi.
"No, sir." Hoshi's eyes were fastened on his console, and Dee grimaced. For the past month, they'd been back to their I won't speak to you if you don't speak to me dance, and spoke only when duty required it. In its way, it was restful, but Dee was beginning to realize that Hoshi had actually been her strongest backup in the CIC in terms of dealing with Lee, and to her surprise she was feeling his effective absence.
"Helo sent these over," Dee began. "You might want to take a look-"
"Commander, sir," Hoshi interrupted, "call from Galactica. It's urgent." His eyes widened. "They've made contact with the ground, sir."
Dee's heart leaped into her throat, and all around her the air suddenly came alive with a sort of electricity, and she felt herself smiling. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, "get the pilots to the ready room." They wouldn't be able to do anything yet, but Dee wanted to capitalize on the energy. Even Lee was nodding enthusiastically, and that was saying something.
"Yes, sir," Hoshi said, and he was smiling, too.
***
"What?" Hoshi asked, disbelief written all over his face.
"We're not going," Dee said, facing the Pegasus crew that had come over to Galactica for the final briefing. Her throat was closed, and she'd never thought it would be so difficult to relay the orders not to embark on what was essentially a suicide mission. "The Galactica will attempt the New Caprica rescue, but the Pegasus is staying behind to defend what's left of the Fleet. We're due down on the hangar deck in ten minutes. I'll see you all down there."
The crew dispersed, but Hoshi lingered. "What?" Dee asked him crossly.
"Did you talk-"
"Yes," she cut him off angrily. "I tried, Hoshi. Believe me, I tried. I failed, all right?"
"You don't know that," he said lamely. Dee looked at him, surprised. "Adama's right. The Fleet does need protection. And if Galactica doesn't come back, they won't have any if we're gone, too."
"Protection," Dee said sourly.
"Sworn to serve and protect," Hoshi repeated dully.
They looked at each other, and Dee looked away first. "Right," she said. "I'm going down," she told him. "I'll see you down there." She turned and left him standing in the halls of Galactica, for once having nothing to say.
***
They returned to the CIC in silence. "Give me the ship," Lee ordered Hoshi, picking up the mouthpiece. Hoshi nodded and flipped on the intercom.
"This is the Commander. I've just returned from Galactica with our orders.
"The rescue mission to New Caprica is chancy at best, and we are faced with a dilemma. It is a dilemma that we should never have to face, but here it is. There are thirty nine thousand people on that planet, and there are two thousand here in the Fleet. We cannot guarantee that the thirty nine thousand people on the planet will survive. The two thousand in the Fleet have a better chance. But they must be allowed to have a chance. They must have leadership, they must have guidance, and they above all, they must have protection.
"We have been tasked with protecting the Fleet. The Galactica will attempt the rescue mission, and we will ensure the survival of humanity. I know this will not be an easy decision for many of you to accept, but this is what is necessary for our survival. We will wait for eighteen hours, and if the Galactica and the rest of our people do not join us, we will continue the search for Earth. That is all."
Lee hung up the mouthpiece, and dropped his head. "Spool up the FTL drives and prepare to jump."
***
It was only a half-hour of restless pacing in the CIC after they'd jumped before Lee turned to Dee and said, "No. We have to go back. We have to do this."
"You're right," Dee said evenly. "Whatever you say, Commander."
At his console, Hoshi looked up. And when Lee turned away, he smiled that smile that lit up his whole face again.
Dee smiled back.
***
"There's only one way I can see that this will be effective," Lee told them as they stood around the table in the war room. "We give them time. Remember, that's all they need- time. And then we get everyone off this boat, and we take them out with what we've got." Lee directed the model of the Pegasus right at the basestar.
"No!" The gasp from Hoshi was instinctive, and Dee saw real pain flaring in his eyes. But he gathered himself together. "I apologize, sir."
"It's all right," Lee said, and his voice was filled with the confident compassion that Dee had always loved. "Believe me, I understand how you feel, but there's no other way to do this. We have to make sacrifices, and at least this way we're not sacrificing lives."
Hoshi nodded, swallowing hard.
"What about the air group?" Showboat asked.
"In the next hour, we've got to move everything we need to move off this ship, as well as all personnel that aren't essential to actually flying her. I want the infirmary and the galleys emptied, and I want all the parts we can manage from the hangar deck. Medicine, food, and spare parts. Those, after people, are our priorities. For the next hour, all Vipers and Raptors will be shuttling people and critical cargo off the Pegasus as fast as they can. If it's not off by then, it's not getting off.
"In order to fly this thing- bare minimum- we need twenty four people. We're going to leave as many Vipers and Raptor s to defend the Fleet as possible, but I need three Raptors with the three absolute best pilots you've got." He glanced at Showboat inquisitively.
"That would be Narcho, Tiger, and Plumey," she said.
"They're our pilots then. They'll be getting the personnel out of here at the last possible second. And Gods watch us all."
They all stared at the war table in silence.
"It's a good plan," Dee finally said.
"Doesn't matter if it is or it isn't," Lee sighed. "It's what we've got."
***
The corridors were empty. Dee was extremely grateful for all those running workouts as she whipped through the halls, her hair flying out behind her. She heard Lee behind her, panting as he ran. She thought that perhaps the halls would be filled with ghosts, knowing that this ship was on her way to her destruction, but the truth was all Dee could think about was getting to the Raptor in time.
She cut the corner into the hangar deck and hurtled down the stairs at breakneck speed. Her footsteps echoed through the empty deck as she sprinted across it. Hoshi was jumping into the Raptor, and once he was in he turned around and held his hand out to her. Surprised, Dee grabbed it and let him pull her in, and then turned around. Together, they helped Lee in.
"That's everyone," Narcho said. He closed the door and lifted them off, and Dee only managed to get to her seat before they flew out of the bay and jumped away.
They arrived at the Fleet, jerking into the stars and into formation. There was no battlestar to dock on, so they sat in silence for a few moments, trying to catch their breaths and watching for the other ships appearing in position. Each ship that appeared made Dee's heart jump in relief and happiness, as more and more people made it off New Caprica. She fumbled for Lee's hand and squeezed it. "He'll make it," she told him. "Thanks to you, he'll make it."
"Yeah." Lee squeezed back.
Dee glanced over at Hoshi just in time to see him surreptitiously wiping his eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked him quietly. He nodded and gave her a small smile. She looked away hurriedly, because he deserved at least a little privacy for his grief. And as she did she cried out, because the Galactica appeared in front of them, battered and worn but intact.
"We did it," Lee said, wrapping his arms around Dee's shoulders and pulling her close. "We really did it."
On to Part 5
Author:
lls_mutantRating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and Hoshi
Pairings: Dee/Lee, eventual Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho in the background.
Summary: Dee thought she just about had life on the Pegasus worked out… and then the Cylons found them.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Exodus II
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta
trovia!Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
"Status update?" Dee asked.
"Chief Laird reports that the airlock should be functional in," Martins consulted her clipboard, "'a day or two, I think'," she read off dryly. Dee rolled her eyes, and even Martins couldn't contain a little grin. "He's got a crew working on it, and doesn't anticipate any problems."
"Good. Does he have any idea how it was damaged?"
"Wear and tear, sir."
Or someone making a jump too close to the battlestar. Dee made a mental note to investigate that possibility. "What's the status on the engine pod maintenance?"
"Proceeding as scheduled, sir."
Dee nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant," she began, and one of the comm units began to buzz. Dee immediately recognized the incoming signal frequency as one from the ground, and picked the receiver up curiously. "Pegasus, Dualla," she said.
"Dee?" The voice was all too familiar. Dee's eyes flared open in recognition.
"Starbuck. What can I do for you?" She's on the ground, Dee reminded herself savagely. On the ground and married.
"Is Lee there?" Kara sounded funny, a combination of frustrated and worried. "I mean… is the Commander there?"
"He's not in the CIC at the moment, but if you like I can make sure he gets a message," Dee said.
"It's really important," Kara was saying. "I need to speak to Lee."
The CIC doors opened, and Dee heard Hoshi say, "Commander on deck." Lee's uniform was unbuttoned, and his was hair tousled and informal. A treacherous little voice in her mind said that if Kara could see him, she wouldn't want him looking like this anyway.
"Hey, what's going on?" Lee asked.
Dee handed him the receiver. "It's for you."
Lee stared at the receiver like it was a mouse. "Who is it?" he asked.
"It's for you," Dee repeated, holding out the receiver more insistently.
"Who is it?" Lee asked again, and then smirked and then got it. "Right," he said, in a voice that did Dee's heart good. He put the receiver to his ear. "What do you want?"
She couldn't drift away without looking like that was what she was doing, so Dee stared fixedly up at the DRADIS screen like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. She wasn't expecting to see anything, especially given the mess the screen usually looked in the orbit around New Caprica. And she didn't want to see anything. Which was exactly why the blips stood out to her.
With the first one, she told herself it was a fluke, a trick, her imagination. But with the second one, the world slowed.
"Commander," she heard herself saying, her voice echoing in her ears.
Lee's voice came from miles away, and in her ear at the same time. "Wait. Yeah, Lieutenant. What is it?"
Another one. "I'm not sure. Picking up something on DRADIS."
"DRADIS? How can you see anything in that soup?"
Another blip. "There it is," Dee said, and the world stopped completely. Kara Thrace was nothing compared to this.
"What is it? Wait, what is that?"
"Oh, my Gods, it's a Cylon fleet. They found us," Dee said. She looked at Lee, her heart pounding in her throat and convinced this was how it felt to relive a nightmare. "They found us."
Lee whirled. "Mr. Hoshi. Confirm."
Hoshi was already typing something frantically into his console. "The Lieutenant is right, sir. I'm counting three, four, six baseships." He spun something and tapped his headset. "Patching us through to Galactica." He flipped a switch. "Action stations, action stations. Set Condition One throughout the ship. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill." He looked over at Lee. "Awaiting your orders, sir."
For a moment, Lee just looked flabbergasted. Then he shifted into action. "Tactical, spool up the FTL drive."
"Multiple DRADIS contacts bearing seven four two," Hoshi reported.
"Defensive batteries," Lee ordered. "Selective fire."
"Launch the alert fighters?" Dee asked.
Thorton shook his head. "That's a no-go, Lieutenant. The birds aren't ready to be launched."
"What?" Lee demanded. "What the frak?"
Thorton just shrugged.
"Two more base ships jumping in," Hoshi said.
"What about the Galactica Vipers?" Dee asked.
"Nothing in the air yet," Thorton reported back.
"Get me Galactica," Lee said. Hoshi nodded, and Lee nearly yanked the receiver off the line. He stepped away from the table slightly, leaning over and lowering his voice. "We have to get out of here, sir." Dee was close enough that she heard him clearly, and the words froze her. But before she could say anything, Lee spoke again. "There's nothing we can do. It's taken us forever just to get to action stations over here. We're in no shape for a fight, sir." Adama said something, and Lee shook his head. "We don't have a choice. We need to get out of here right now." He nodded. "Thank you, sir."
He looked up, and then looked at Thorton and Hoshi. "Begin jump prep."
"But sir-" Hoshi began.
Lee cut him off. "Those are the Admiral's orders, Mr. Hoshi."
Hoshi and Thorton exchanged glances. Out of the corner of her eye, Dee could see Martins barely containing her rage. And for once, she didn't blame the Pegasus crew one bit. But Hoshi just shook his head and said, "Aye, sir."
"Starting to green," Dee said, not recognizing her own voice at all. "Sublight."
"Go."
"Helm."
"Go," Martins said. Another Cylon baseship appeared on the DRADIS, and the Raiders began to launch.
"Tactical."
"Go," Thorton acknowledged.
"Nav."
"Go," Hoshi ground out.
"FTL."
"Spun up. Board is green."
"The Fleet's away," Thorton confirmed.
"All right," Lee said. "Execute jump."
The world lurched, and the DRADIS was clear.
One by one, little dots began appearing. The Fleet, in formation, but with huge gaps where ships were still on the ground at New Caprica. And one large dot labeled Galactica, flanking the other side of the Fleet.
The CIC was silent.
Dee swallowed hard, because if she didn't, she was going to throw up. Thirty nine thousand people dead, probably in a cloud of radioactive detonation. It wouldn't have taken long to wipe the New Caprica settlement out, and they… they had done nothing. They hadn't defended, hadn't protected… nothing. She closed her eyes.
Lee wiped his face and then braced his hands against the table, bowing his head. Something beeped, and Thorton reached out to silence it. Dee felt like she could hear every breath, feel every heartbeat.
Lee looked up. "I know," he began, "that there were people down there. Thirty nine thousand people. And I know that the decision to retreat will not be a popular one."
"No, sir, it won't."
Dee turned with the others, automatically, to look at Hoshi. He'd stood up, arms crossed.
"Mr. Hoshi," Lee said, "do you have something to say?"
"We should have fought them, Commander. To hell and back with our own asses- we should have fought them."
"With what?" Lee asked. "What would you have had us fight them with, Lieutenant?" Lee turned so he was facing the entire CIC now. "Our birds were all still in the hangar deck. Not one Viper, not one Raptor, was ready to be launched three minutes after the ships jumped into orbit. Our gun batteries? Largely unmanned. Our nukes? Well, our nukes were operable, but how were we going to gun down six baseships with two understaffed battlestars, even as more Cylon baseships jumped into orbit?
"Yes, we ran. But let's consider some facts. We have two thousand people in this Fleet, two thousand who need protection. What we call our Colonial Fleet is a pair of half-strength battlestars, one so old and antiquated it was literally ready to become a museum. And we were desperately outnumbered. We would have lost. And then not only the people on New Caprica would have died, but the people we could save. The people in these ships, in this Fleet. If we had stayed and fought, humanity would be completely extinct.
"So, what would you have had us do, Mr. Hoshi? Which would you choose? Our pride, or our survival?"
Hoshi raised his chin. "It's not a question of our pride or our survival, Commander. It's a question of our imperative. War is our imperative, and running like we did defied our very nature."
A murmur ran through the CIC, and the staff was exchanging glances. Defiant glances. Angry. Like something in Hoshi's words stirred them, touching a memory deep within each of them. Hoshi stood straight, glaring at Lee.
Lee stepped up to him. "And if it was the Gods themselves that attacked us? Would you fight them, too?"
There was a glint in Hoshi's eye as he tilted his head. "Any day, sir." They locked gazes for a long moment, the CIC hovering on a razor's edge.
The comm unit buzzed. Dee waited, and then picked the receiver up herself. "Pegasus. Dualla."
"This is Galactica actual," Adama said, his voice rough with anger over the line. "Get the Commander on the horn immediately."
"Commander," Dee said, extending the receiver, and the spell broke. Lee made a disgusted noise and whirled away from Hoshi, taking the receiver from Dee. Hoshi sat back down at his console, bending over and applying himself to the job. Thorton thumped him on the shoulder, and then retreated to his own console. Martins glared angrily at Lee, and then began calling down to the hangar deck for the necessary updates. All around Dee, the CIC lurched back to life and action, even if it wasn't the action or life that it was meant for. Dee stood still in the thick of it, watching Hoshi. The enormity of what had happened hadn't sunk in just yet, but what he was saying… she shivered.
Lee slammed down the phone. Dee raised her eyebrows at him, and he sighed. "The Admiral wants to see us immediately," he informed her. "We should go."
***
The Raptor was silent, except for the beeping of sensors and the low occasional word between the pilot and the ECO. Dee stared at the panels, only seeing a collection of shapes rather than distinct objects. The world was upside down.
"Gods," Lee suddenly exploded. "Just who the hell does he think he is, anyway?"
"Who?" Dee asked, more because the response was expected from her than because she didn't know the answer.
"Hoshi. Gods, what a frak. We've let him go too long. I used to think all of Garner's reports of insubordination were just trumped up charges and Garner's bruised ego, but now I'm not so sure." Dee shrugged, mentally snorting and watching Thumper and his ECO Scissors as discreetly as could. Thumper gave no reaction, but Scissors snickered. "I'm going to speak to the Admiral about this."
Dee looked at him as if he was crazy. "And say what?" she asked. "That he told you that we should have stood and fought the Cylons? That he didn't approve of your command decisions?"
"You heard him," Lee said. "It was insubordinate, disrespectful-"
"And compared to the flak I've been getting from him for the past eight months, downright restrained," Dee said angrily. "This is the Pegasus, Lee. They've been fighting the Cylons since the attacks."
"Oh, and we haven't?"
"No," Dee said. "We haven't. We've been protecting humanity. They're two different ideas, Lee, and two different schools of thought."
"Yeah, well, we were right."
Dee turned to Scissors. "Hoshi said something in the CIC," she said. "Something about the imperative of war. What did he mean by that?"
The humor leeched from Scissors' face, replaced with a dark solemnity. "It was something that Cain said after we learned of the destruction of the Colonies," he said. "She said that a philosopher had once said When face with untenable alternatives, you should consider your imperative. We were faced with untenable alternatives, and our imperative was- is- war. That that was what we had left to live for, to make the Cylons understand that this war would never be over."
"So say we all," Thumper said in a hard and angry voice.
"Yeah, well, the war is over," Lee said. "And we lost."
Dee had heard that said before, and in a sense, she agreed with it. But she saw the outrage on Scissors' face when Lee uttered those words, and she realized that that was the feeling she'd been getting on the Pegasus that she hadn't been able to put a finger to. That was why life was edgier here, less settled than on Galactica. She glimpsed it, struggled with it, tried to understand how that imperative lived and breathed in the hearts and minds of the soldiers on this ship versus on her own, and came up with only the most hollow understanding. She suddenly found herself wishing she'd known Cain better, just to understand the crew better.
"We're landing, sir," Thumper said, with the unspoken good riddance hanging in the air. Dee sighed and braced herself as she spotted Adama waiting for them.
***
"I know what you're going to say," Lee began as soon as the hatch to the Admiral's quarters closed behind them, "but it was the right decision."
"I didn't say it wasn't. Sit."
Dee sat down next to Helo, but Lee stayed standing. "We were outnumbered. If we'd attempted to defend-"
"That's not why it was the right decision." Adama sat down at his desk, looking for a long moment at his glasses. "How many shots did you fire?"
"Shots? Not one, sir."
"No alert fighters. No shots. They caught us with our pants down, and we were able to jump away, with not so much as a scratch. What does that tell you?"
Dee saw it an instant before Lee did, and her heart leapt with the realization.
"We've kept a Raptor on surveillance in the debris around New Caprica," Adama continued. "There have been no signs of nuclear detonation, no indication of damage. Before ground contact was cut off, we were told that no shots had been fired. The goal of this mission wasn't destruction."
"And it's a fair bet Baltar surrendered," Helo said, wonder in his voice.
"He'd do anything to save his own skin," Adama agreed. "Even sell his own people into slavery."
"Our people must still be alive," Dee said, hope flaring wildly within her.
Adama nodded. "So now it's time to talk about how we get them back."
"Excuse me?" Lee asked. "Not to be disrespectful, sir, but are you insane?"
"I've been told so a few times," Adama said seriously.
"When we left, six basestars had jumped into orbit. I assume that the Cylons have no trouble calling in more. And you want us- two half-strength battlestars- to take them all out?"
"No," Adama said, "I want us to rescue our people. If we take the basestars out, I won't complain. But our first priority is to our people. I would have thought you would understand that."
"I understand that," Lee said, bristling, "but it can't be done."
"It can, and it will."
"I don't see how."
"That's our job, to find a way."
Lee laughed bitterly. "Fighting the Gods," he muttered.
Adama looked up. "What?"
"Nothing. Just something Hoshi said." Lee made a face as Adama's silence flowed towards him. "That war is our imperative, and that we should have stayed and fought. He's wrong," Lee said, thrusting his chin out.
"He is, but not for your reasons. Now shut up and sit down. We've got a rescue to start planning."
***
"He's dreaming," Lee ranted, throwing his towel down on the bed. "There's no possible way."
"So you keep saying." Dee was trying to focus on the reports from the day. It was difficult- she hadn't realized just how exhausted she was, and yet she still didn't think she could sleep. Nightmarish images kept running through her mind, along with an intense, overwhelming guilt. Guilt that she was alive, guilt that they'd run… Hoshi's angry face appeared in front of her eyes and she pushed it away angrily. "But Lee, they're still alive down there."
"So we assume."
"The Cylons aren't going to line thirty-nine thousand people up and shoot them execution style," Dee said crossly. "Something else is going on. If they were bent on destruction, they would have nuked the place." She flipped the page and groaned inwardly. The engine pod maintenance reports. Could she have found anything more tedious and boring to read?
"I'm just saying… I don't see how we're going to do it."
Dee opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out because the signature stating that the supply requisition had been filled hit her, and hit her hard.
"What is it?" Lee asked.
She put the report down. "Felix is down there," Dee said, wiping at her eyes. "And he's in the government. He's Baltar's right hand man. Lee, if Helo's right and Baltar surrendered, Felix is either… he could collaborate or he's dead. He might be dead already and-"
"Hey, hey." Lee came around and took her by the shoulders. "Don't jump to conclusions, all right?" he said. "It's not that black and white. Maybe… maybe they're taking prisoners. Or maybe Felix got out of Colonial One before they attacked. Like you keep saying, we don't know what's happening down there."
Dee nodded. "You're right," she said, wiping her eyes and pushing away the dread. Lee smiled and patted her knee, and Dee thought how much easier it would be to believe him if he believed himself.
"Look," Lee said, stroking her hair, "it's going to be okay, all right? We're going to be okay."
Dee sighed heavily. "I know we will be," she said, and then picked up her reports again. "It's everyone else I'm worried about."
***
Guilt was all well and good, but it didn't solve any problems, and Dee knew that. She felt it, boxed it up, and decided it was time to get her crew back into shape so they could do something. A week later, she had a training schedule worked out, and was standing in front of the crew, ready to treat them like new recruits.
"All right, maggots!" Noel shouted, and Dee thought there might be a bit of a gleeful note in his voice, "let's fall in line! You heard the XO! Move it! Move it! Move it!"
"If ranks aren't formed in ten seconds, I'm adding another two laps!" Dee shouted.
The crew fell into line. Noel took his spot by the pilots, and began shouting again. "Let's move it! We've got ten laps to finish before 0700 hours, and that's only an hour and a half away! Get your frakking asses in gear, you lazy lumps of lard!"
Dee was about to take her own spot when to her surprise, Hoshi appeared at her elbow in sweats and tanks. "Need someone to take another group?" he asked.
"You're supposed to be-"
He glared at her. "I'm the one that yelled at the Commander in the middle of the CIC. I figure I'd better put my money where my mouth is. Thorton's covering my shift. I'll take the slow group."
"All right," Dee relented, partly because he had a point but mainly because she needed anyone she could get to push this crew into anything resembling discipline. "Get back there," she said, jerking her thumb. "My group! Let's move it!"
The squadron lurched into motion, and Dee ran beside them, shouting all the while. This group was mainly gunners, and Dee noticed that a lot of them had gotten a bit soft. They ran through the halls of the Pegasus, crew who weren't called for this run moving out of their way and pointedly not watching them. But they made it through, although on their second to last lap Dee spotted Lee watching them, confusion written clearly on his face. And she wasn't surprised when he found her afterwards in the nearly-deserted officers' mess.
"What was that?"
Dee poured herself a glass of water and drank it down before she answered. "What was what, Commander?"
"Running laps? Dee, are you insane?"
"No, just extremely sweaty." Dee smiled at Lee, who was glaring at her, arms crossed.
"Laps aren't going to help us take on the Cylons on New Caprica."
"You're joking if you think that."
"Laps. Dee, the crew is in good shape."
Dee looked pointedly at Lee's stomach, and he flushed. She sighed and shook her head, pouring another glass of water. "They're not in top notch shape," she said, "but that isn't really the point."
"Oh? Enlighten me. What is the point?"
"Discipline," Dee said shortly. "I need a shower." She slipped by Lee, assuming that most of the pilots would have left the officers' head by now.
She was right, and as she walked in she saw that the only two occupants were Noel and Hoshi. They were stripping down- Hoshi was folding his clothing, standing in his boxers, and Noel was unselfconsciously naked, using his towel as a whip to illustrate some joke rather than to cover up.
"So, Scissors tried to tell me that he already got up and did his laps, but you know he's full of shit- Scissors would sleep the whole day if he could get away with it. Remember that time Admiral Cain found him asleep at his station?" Hoshi laughed evilly at that, and Noel grinned as he continued, "So yeah. I told him to get his ass in line and run or I'd be showing the pilots a porno in a dark room and making him mop up afterwards and bang!" The towel impacted against a locker. "He fell into line just like that."
"That's frakking disgusting," Hoshi said, but he was still laughing. "Only you would think of something like that." He stripped off his boxers.
"Yeah, well, it worked, didn't it? Would you want to clean up all that- oh, hey, XO." Noel nudged Hoshi. "You could salute." He snapped off a salute, complete, Dee noticed, with a full erection and a mischievous grin.
"Yes, we're all very impressed. Put it away, Narcho," Dee said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, I get off on power," Noel said cheerfully. Hoshi snorted, and Dee began pulling off her own tanks.
"I don't want to hear any more. Just take your shower." She tossed her tanks into her locker and stepped out of her sweats, and then noticed that Hoshi was leaning against the lockers, arms crossed, watching her. "What?" she demanded.
"Sorry my salute isn't as impressive as Narcho's. Guess we can't all have a hard-on for the XO."
Dee arched her eyebrow. "I'm sorry, was that an attempt at humor?" she asked. She shook her head. "Will wonders ever cease?"
"Haven't seen much in the way of wonders recently here," Hoshi said derisively.
"Well, that's a really nice thing to say when a woman strips down in front of you," Noel said. "You're supposed to flatter them."
Hoshi stared at him blankly. "When did I ever give you the impression I was interested in women?"
"And are you always this insufferable after a workout?" Dee asked Noel.
"No, only after I've tasted power. Power, I say!" Noel shouted, raising his fists to the air and then laughing maniacally. Hoshi whacked him in the face with a towel, and Dee slow-clapped.
"Look!" Noel shouted, his voice muffled by the towel, "I'm bringing you two together! I am a miracle worker! I AM A GOD!"
Hoshi shoved him into a stall. "You are an idiot," he said, but he was laughing. Dee was startled to notice that when Hoshi laughed like that, his entire face lit up, changing it completely from plain to almost handsome. But the effect went away immediately as he fell back into his normal, serious expression. "Are you really going to keep him as a drill instructor?"
"Yes, I'll just sic him on you afterwards, and you can deal with him," Dee said. She pulled her ponytail holder out and stepped into her own stall and turned on the water. The warmth of it felt good, rushing over her.
"You could sic him on your husband," Hoshi suggested. "Maybe he could annoy him enough to light a fire under his fat ass."
"Again with the fat cracks," Dee sighed. "You're not very creative these days, are you?"
"He's taking all the fun out of it," Hoshi agreed. "He's turned into a mockery all by himself. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Fat fish."
"Not affected. Sorry, try again," Dee said.
"Louis, she agrees with you," Noel said. "Come on, who do you think got the drills started? Lay off her, will you? Frak, if the two of you would actually fight the Cylons with half as much energy as you fight each other, we'd beat them in seconds."
"It's not that easy." Hoshi's voice drifted up over the steam. "You know that, Noel. Especially with half the pilots down in that frakked up hellhole. And that was before the Cylons landed."
The laughter ebbed out of the room, like it had constantly this past week. Any time anyone thought they could go on with life, could forget what had happened, the memory of the attack loomed up out of the bog of memory, squashing any sort of joy. She sighed.
Noel felt it too. "I wonder what's happening down there," he said, and his voice was so serious. "Louis, do you think Cole-"
"I don't know," Hoshi snapped, but even Dee could hear it wasn't anger in his voice, but worry. "I don’t know any more than you do."
"I know, but-"
"Don't think about it," Hoshi said. "Unless you're using it to get angry, don't think about it."
Dee didn't hear Noel's response because she ducked under the water, letting it rush over her hair and drowning out their voices. She closed her eyes, and when she did, the images came again. So many people she loved were down there- Cally, Chief, Roslin, Tigh… and Felix. Thinking about Felix was the worst.
She shut off the water and stepped out, surprised to see Hoshi stepping out of his shower at the same time. "You're crying," he said bluntly.
"I am not," Dee said. She wiped her wet face. "And even if I was, you'd be the last person I'd tell."
"Don't know why. Your husband, your father-in-law, and your best friend are all up here safe," Hoshi said mockingly. "Why would you care what's happening on New Caprica?"
Noel appeared at her side suddenly. "Her best friend is on New Caprica, you frakking twit." He tossed his towel in Hoshi's face. "Get dressed before you say something else stupid."
Dee smiled weakly at Noel and turned away, trying to focus on her clothing. "I'll just be glad when this is over and our people are back," she said, keeping her voice as steady as possible.
"We all will," Noel agreed.
***
"What have we got?" Lee asked, looking over Dee's shoulder as she sat at her desk in their quarters. "Twelve disciplinary actions? How many days does that cover?"
"Since this morning," Dee said. She sighed. "Some of them are minor. Two instances of crew members showing up late for duty, an account of a rather unimaginative insubordination, a Marine who performed especially poorly on his firearm check, and a pilot who decided to take a few shortcuts on their postflight check."
"But the other seven?"
"Two fistfights, which accounts for four, a botched landing from a Viper drill, a Marine showing up drunk, and a much more imaginative insubordination." Dee bit her lip. "Lee, the crew is… well, they aren't slipping. The response time has decreased by forty percent, which is good, and our drill performance has been improving in all areas. But they're getting restless. It's been two months. Has the Admiral said anything about when we're going back to New Caprica?"
"Of course he talks about New Caprica. That's all he talks about. That's all he thinks about."
"Yes, but has there been-"
"He's still looking for a plan, Dee." Lee sighed heavily. "Gods, I wish we still had Starbuck. This is the exact kind of thing-"
"Starbuck's not the only one who can think outside the box," Dee said sternly. "When you put your mind to it, you come up with some pretty creative ideas yourself."
"But not like hers," Lee bemoaned. Dee bit the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything she'd regret. "This would be so much easier if we had her."
"Yeah, well, we don't," Dee snapped. She softened at Lee's expression. "But we'll come up with something, Lee. I believe that."
"Yeah, I guess I do, too," Lee said, but they both knew he was lying.
***
"Any questions about the current status?" Helo asked. Dee and Hoshi both shook their heads, and Helo stood. "Thank you, lieutenants." He saluted, and Dee and Hoshi both saluted back. Then Helo grinned. "Walk me out? I still get a little lost on this battlestar."
For some reason, that statement made Hoshi grin wryly, and Dee suspected that he was mentally mocking Helo for it. But to her surprise and annoyance, he walked with them towards the hangar deck. Helo didn't seem to mind, though, and kept up an idle stream of chatter with Hoshi until they arrived on the hangar deck.
"It looks like Racetrack has Laird pinned down," Helo said as they entered. "If you'll excuse me for a second, I really want to give her a hand."
"Go ahead," Dee said, watching Helo jog over. After he left, she turned to Hoshi. "What was that back there?"
"What was what, sir?"
"Your report on our Viper drills. The pilots are sloppy and undisciplined, even by Galactica standards? They need direction and focus? CAG and commanding officers need to push harder?"
"The Captain asked a question. I answered it."
"You-"
"Did I say something you disagree with, Lieutenant?" Hoshi asked evenly, but his eyes were glinting with challenge. "Or did you not like me criticizing your husband?"
"You could have been more tactful about it."
"Why? Commander Adama wasn't in the room to protect his delicate feelings. And besides, if this rescue op is going to go off, we can't be so concerned about what your precious Commander thinks. The Admiral has to know exactly what our status is. Anything less is betraying the soldiers under your command."
"You think I'm doing a lousy job," Dee said.
"Didn't say that. But I think you're being frakking lazy and cowardly about not confronting your husband on the lousy job that he's doing."
"What are you saying, Lieutenant?"
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Hoshi asked, in a duty-bound tone of voice.
"When has that ever stopped you?" Dee demanded.
"The Commander is a joke. He's soft, cowardly, and weak. He's not fit to take Admiral Cain's place."
"Because Admiral Cain was such a shining example of what an Admiral should be."
"She was. She was ready to make sacrifices that your frakking husband would never even dream of."
"Like murdering civilians aboard the Scylla?"
Hoshi flinched at that, but he regrouped. "Do you know what happened when the Cylons attacked us?" he asked. "I was knocked out. I was told that Cain found me, and then she left me there, because the lives of the rest of her crew and the mission were more important than me."
"Oh, poor baby. Didn't Cain love you enough?"
"You're missing the point," Hoshi said scornfully. "Cain did love me. She was alike a frakking older sister to me. And she left me there, because she knew what she had to do and she didn't let emotion get in the way. And I'm frakking proud of her for that."
"And that's Lee's problem?" Dee scoffed.
"Lee, the Admiral, you… yes, in a word."
"Is that why Cain shot Colonel Belzen? For the good of her crew and the mission?"
"That was different." But something in Hoshi's stance shifted, and Dee realized he was on the defensive on this one, in a very deep and personal way.
"How? Explain that one to me. How is it in any way acceptable for an Admiral to shoot her XO like that? How is that in anyway unemotional? Or admirable? If you ask me, it was a sign of one of two things: power hunger cruelty, or insanity."
"At least she fought!" Hoshi shouted, and Dee recoiled from that one. "At least she did something, instead of sitting around and letting the Cylons get away with it!"
"Yeah, she shot her XO, murdered civilians, and employed rape and torture as interrogation devices! We swore to protect the people of the Colonies. Some protection! Didn't any of that get through to you while you were sitting on your ass in CIC? Didn't any of those lives mean a thing to you?"
"Of course they did!"
"Then why did you stand by? Why didn't you stop it?" Hoshi opened his mouth, but Dee rushed on. "I'll tell you why- because you would have just gotten a bullet in your head for your trouble. You say that Cain gave a frak about you, but deep down you know she never listened to a word you said, and she would have shot you just as easily as she shot Belzen if you dared to defy her!"
Hoshi swung at her.
It was a slap, not a punch, and there was a part of Dee that thought that was completely pathetic. But it contacted with her cheek and sent her reeling, and Dee was almost happy because it gave her the excuse to come up and land a right cross right across Hoshi's face.
"You bitch!" he shouted, and she was savagely pleased to see that his nose was bleeding. "You think you can just waltz on to the Pegasus and take everything over, and then just sit back and not do your damn job? If you were half the XO that Jurgen was on his worst day, you'd be riding your husband so frakking hard the bastard wouldn't even think of arguing with you. He'd be the Commander he was before we found this planet, instead of the useless pining whining FRAK that he is now and-"
Dee swung again, but someone grabbed her by the waist and threw her against the wall. There was a thud, and Hoshi landed beside her, flat on his ass. They were both hit with a hard spray of ice-cold water. Dee sputtered, crawling away from it and looking up to see who the offender was.
Helo stood above her, glaring down at them both. He turned off the hose, leaving Hoshi dripping wet and coughing on the floor.
"Are you two done?" he demanded.
Dee nodded silently, and Hoshi wiped his face. Helo reached down and grabbed Dee's hand, hauling her to her feet. "Get yourself cleaned up," he ordered Hoshi "We're not saying a word about this to the Commander or the Admiral, right?"
"If you say so, sir."
Helo sighed. "We're planning a rescue op. We don't need the XO and the best Communications Officer in the Fleet in the hack right now."
"Aye, sir," Hoshi said miserably. He started to get to his feet.
Helo still had a vice grip on Dee's wrist. "Come on."
***
"What the frak, Dee?" he said, beginning to undo her jacket like she was a child. "I have never, ever seen you act like that. What's going on?"
To her shock and horror, Dee felt the tears welling in her eyes. "You know what, Helo? He's right."
"About Cain?" Helo said, surprised.
"No. About me. About Lee. He's always been right. Every time. I did sleep my way to the XO position."
"Oh, Gods," Helo said, sounding a little panicked. He looked around the room frantically and found a handkerchief. "Dee, he's not right."
"Yes, he is. Lee's been… he's been lost. Drifting. Not a Commander, nothing like he should be."
Helo gently dried her face. "And how's that your fault?" he asked. "Lee's an adult, Dee. He makes his own decisions."
"Yeah, but I'm his wife."
"His wife, not his keeper." Helo sat back, looking at Dee like she was going to fall over if he left her. "Dee, I know that Lee's having a hard time with all this, and I don't blame him. But he's human, right? He's not a machine." Helo grinned at the irony. "I've known Lee a long time, and his heart was never in the military. He was in it to pay for college, and because his father expected it of him. He's good, Dee, but he's not a soldier at heart. Not like you or me. You can't force him to be something he's not, Dee. The best you can do is to help him get through this."
"But you've seen how he's handling-"
"I said help," Helo said gently. "Not control. Come on, Dee." He put his arms around her and pulled her in close. "Have a good cry," he advised. "It sounds like you need it."
Dee nodded and laid her head against Helo's shoulder. It felt so good just to have someone support her without question, not pushing her, just accepting that she had reached her limit for the day. Just listening. "Ever since the Cylons found us again, he's just… I keep waiting for him to climb out of this hole he's in," Dee confided. "And he just won't, no matter how hard I try. It's like he doesn't believe it's worth fighting for, or he's scared of what will happen if we lose, and that everything is pointless and he can't do it. And every day we know there are people who are frustrated and want to attack, and people who agree with him and think it's pointless, and I don't know how long we can keep the balance up, and Hoshi keeps staring at me with these accusing eyes and telling me I should be fixing it, and that I don't care what's happening to the people on the ground, when it's all I can even do not to think constantly about them and if I even think about Chief or Felix or Cally I just want to…" Dee completely dissolved into tears.
Helo let her cry for a long, long time into his shoulder, until her back began to hurt and she couldn't breathe and her body began to protest. The tears dried up, and she was finally able to sit back.
"Hoshi's not right about you, okay?" Helo said, wiping her face. "You're doing a great job. Don't think that the Old Man doesn't know what's going on over here." Dee nodded. "Feel better?" he asked.
Dee considered it. "A bit," she said. "But my underwear is still wet."
Helo stared at her, and suddenly they both burst into hysterical laughter, laughing far harder than the joke warranted. When they calmed down again, Dee managed to ask, "You won't tell Lee about this?"
"Lee or the Admiral. As long as you pull yourself back together and don't deck any more officers, you have my word."
Dee nodded and wiped her cheeks with the palms of her hands. "I'll pull it back together," she promised, lifting her chin. "And I won't toss Hoshi out the airlock."
Helo laughed.
***
The storage closet was dusty and cluttered. In one of the few non-duty related sentences Hoshi had uttered to her in the past two weeks, he had mentioned that Belzen might have had an old copy of an obscure tactics manual. Dee sifted through the boxes until she found the ones labeled as Jurgen Belzen's personal effects. She hauled them out and opened them up.
As she did, Dee suspected that Hoshi was wrong, and the manual wasn't in here. The effects that were left were trivial and would have no use to anyone. There were no grooming supplies, no medications, nothing that could have been recycled and given to someone else to use, and definitely nothing military. There were two magazines on paragliding, and a book that looked like a trashy detective novel. Dee set them both aside, and then found several framed pictures.
The first was a triad, foldout frame. On either side were pictures of young girls, pretty and wearing blue dresses and big smiles. In the center was a picture of the two girls with their parents: a pretty brown-haired woman with large eyes, and a handsome man sitting proudly in his Colonial uniform, the Colonel's pips clear on his collar. Dee looked at the picture more closely, realizing that this must be Belzen himself. She closed the frame and put it aside. The next framed picture was the wife again, and then there was a picture of Belzen with his wife and a glider, both of them grinning into the sunlight. Obviously a family man, whose family was destroyed in the attacks. Dee shuddered.
She picked up the next frame, and broken glass slid out and tinkled to the floor. In the one opening stood Cain, Belzen, and Hoshi, all stiff and formal in their dress grays. On the other side, the three of them were sitting at a bar in civilian clothing, all holding huge drinks and smiling, Hoshi sitting in the center. The picture sent a warm shock through her, and Dee realized that Hoshi hadn't been lying about his close relationship with Cain, and that he'd been just as close with Belzen. In fact, as she looked at it more closely, she noticed that their free arms were around Hoshi's shoulders.
She shook her head and pulled out a packet of unframed pictures, bound together with a rubber band. She pulled the band away and sat down on the floor to look through them.
She flipped through, slowly at first. The pictures on the top were obviously the more recent. She recognized many faces as members of the Pegasus crew. Dee halted on a picture of Noel and Hoshi, sitting on what must have been Noel's motorcycle on Scorpia. Hoshi's hair was longer and his arms wrapped around Noel's waist, Noel had a tan, and they looked considerably younger… and extremely happy.
Picture after picture fell away. Men and women in uniform, deckhands grinning by Vipers, people at bars, on beaches. More pictures of Belzen's family. A man who must have been Belzen's brother by the look of him, kneeling by a dog. A gorgeous wedding photo. A group of people in swimsuits, waving. A teenaged boy, bald and gaunt, sitting on a hospital bed. An old woman in a wheelchair, looking out a window. An old man cuddling with a little boy, reading him a book. A young Belzen graduating Academy.
All these people… the ones she didn't recognize, anyway… were gone. Completely gone. No one remembered them now. And this was what humanity was going to become- faces that no one knew or remembered.
Adama had been right, in so many ways. But Cain was right, too, and now her people were right. Hoshi was right. The imperative of war. It beat in Dee just like it did in him, in Noel, in the Pegasus crew… it was who they were and what they had chosen. Dee had chosen to serve, and to protect.
Sometimes to protect it was best to run away. But sometimes you had to turn and fight, to face unbeatable odds, to fight Gods. You had to make those terrible sacrifices. And now it was Dee's turn to sacrifice, if she had to. She couldn't sit by any more and let Lee drift away, trying to run the ship in his shadow. Lee had to face up, to do what must be done and make his sacrifices. As his XO, it was her duty to make him see that, and as his wife, it was her duty to then step back and support him as he did. Even if Lee didn't like it.
She looked at the pictures in her hand one more time, and then wrapped the band around them and put them into one of her own drawers. She might not know who these people were, but she wouldn't let them be lost to oblivion. Just like she wouldn't let New Caprica be lost forever, either.
It was time to fight back.
***
The thing about trying to talk to Lee was that Lee had a tendency not to listen. Dee tried several times, but the opportunity was never right, and she never even quite got to her subject. It took two weeks before the right moment presented itself. Dee was in their quarters bent over her own work, her dinner cold on a tray beside her, when Lee walked in. He was agitated and drawn. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"My father." Lee nearly spat the words. "He's expecting miracles."
"What do you mean?" Dee asked.
"Two of our pilots almost got killed because they've been in the cockpit for eleven hours," Lee explained. "And he wants to bust my balls. 'You're soft.' Can you believe that?" He flopped into a chair gracelessly.
This was it. She'd been thinking she'd be nervous, but instead, she felt a sense of purpose. Because if Lee didn't listen… if he wouldn't listen… well then, he wasn't the Lee Adama that she loved anymore.
"What? Oh, you agree. Is that it?"
"Forget it. I'm not looking for a fight," Dee sighed, testing him.
"Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that." Lee sounded bitter and mocking, but under it, there was something more. Dee looked up at him, studying him carefully. "You got something to say, come out and say it."
And there it was in his face, something desperate and lonely, and Dee realized that for once, Lee wanted to hear the truth. He wanted to know what she was thinking, wanted confirmation of how much standing he'd lost in her eyes. "He's right," she said. "You are soft. I'm not talking about the weight. You've lost your edge, your confidence. You lost your war, Lee. And the truth is, you're a soldier who needs a war. And you don't want to hear it, because you've got it in your head that your father's the soldier. And you sure don't want to be like him. But you are like him. You're more like him than you know. That's one of the reasons I married you."
She turned back to her work, her heart pounding in her ears. But when she glanced back up at him, she could see he was thinking. And she couldn't help thinking she should have said this a long time ago.
***
"Commander on deck."
Dee looked up from Helo's latest plan to see Lee walking in. "Commander."
"What's going on?" he asked her, with a forced casualness that told her he was still dwelling on her words from last night.
"Nothing of note, sir."
"Anything on the wireless?" Lee asked Hoshi.
"No, sir." Hoshi's eyes were fastened on his console, and Dee grimaced. For the past month, they'd been back to their I won't speak to you if you don't speak to me dance, and spoke only when duty required it. In its way, it was restful, but Dee was beginning to realize that Hoshi had actually been her strongest backup in the CIC in terms of dealing with Lee, and to her surprise she was feeling his effective absence.
"Helo sent these over," Dee began. "You might want to take a look-"
"Commander, sir," Hoshi interrupted, "call from Galactica. It's urgent." His eyes widened. "They've made contact with the ground, sir."
Dee's heart leaped into her throat, and all around her the air suddenly came alive with a sort of electricity, and she felt herself smiling. "Mr. Hoshi," she said, "get the pilots to the ready room." They wouldn't be able to do anything yet, but Dee wanted to capitalize on the energy. Even Lee was nodding enthusiastically, and that was saying something.
"Yes, sir," Hoshi said, and he was smiling, too.
***
"What?" Hoshi asked, disbelief written all over his face.
"We're not going," Dee said, facing the Pegasus crew that had come over to Galactica for the final briefing. Her throat was closed, and she'd never thought it would be so difficult to relay the orders not to embark on what was essentially a suicide mission. "The Galactica will attempt the New Caprica rescue, but the Pegasus is staying behind to defend what's left of the Fleet. We're due down on the hangar deck in ten minutes. I'll see you all down there."
The crew dispersed, but Hoshi lingered. "What?" Dee asked him crossly.
"Did you talk-"
"Yes," she cut him off angrily. "I tried, Hoshi. Believe me, I tried. I failed, all right?"
"You don't know that," he said lamely. Dee looked at him, surprised. "Adama's right. The Fleet does need protection. And if Galactica doesn't come back, they won't have any if we're gone, too."
"Protection," Dee said sourly.
"Sworn to serve and protect," Hoshi repeated dully.
They looked at each other, and Dee looked away first. "Right," she said. "I'm going down," she told him. "I'll see you down there." She turned and left him standing in the halls of Galactica, for once having nothing to say.
***
They returned to the CIC in silence. "Give me the ship," Lee ordered Hoshi, picking up the mouthpiece. Hoshi nodded and flipped on the intercom.
"This is the Commander. I've just returned from Galactica with our orders.
"The rescue mission to New Caprica is chancy at best, and we are faced with a dilemma. It is a dilemma that we should never have to face, but here it is. There are thirty nine thousand people on that planet, and there are two thousand here in the Fleet. We cannot guarantee that the thirty nine thousand people on the planet will survive. The two thousand in the Fleet have a better chance. But they must be allowed to have a chance. They must have leadership, they must have guidance, and they above all, they must have protection.
"We have been tasked with protecting the Fleet. The Galactica will attempt the rescue mission, and we will ensure the survival of humanity. I know this will not be an easy decision for many of you to accept, but this is what is necessary for our survival. We will wait for eighteen hours, and if the Galactica and the rest of our people do not join us, we will continue the search for Earth. That is all."
Lee hung up the mouthpiece, and dropped his head. "Spool up the FTL drives and prepare to jump."
***
It was only a half-hour of restless pacing in the CIC after they'd jumped before Lee turned to Dee and said, "No. We have to go back. We have to do this."
"You're right," Dee said evenly. "Whatever you say, Commander."
At his console, Hoshi looked up. And when Lee turned away, he smiled that smile that lit up his whole face again.
Dee smiled back.
***
"There's only one way I can see that this will be effective," Lee told them as they stood around the table in the war room. "We give them time. Remember, that's all they need- time. And then we get everyone off this boat, and we take them out with what we've got." Lee directed the model of the Pegasus right at the basestar.
"No!" The gasp from Hoshi was instinctive, and Dee saw real pain flaring in his eyes. But he gathered himself together. "I apologize, sir."
"It's all right," Lee said, and his voice was filled with the confident compassion that Dee had always loved. "Believe me, I understand how you feel, but there's no other way to do this. We have to make sacrifices, and at least this way we're not sacrificing lives."
Hoshi nodded, swallowing hard.
"What about the air group?" Showboat asked.
"In the next hour, we've got to move everything we need to move off this ship, as well as all personnel that aren't essential to actually flying her. I want the infirmary and the galleys emptied, and I want all the parts we can manage from the hangar deck. Medicine, food, and spare parts. Those, after people, are our priorities. For the next hour, all Vipers and Raptors will be shuttling people and critical cargo off the Pegasus as fast as they can. If it's not off by then, it's not getting off.
"In order to fly this thing- bare minimum- we need twenty four people. We're going to leave as many Vipers and Raptor s to defend the Fleet as possible, but I need three Raptors with the three absolute best pilots you've got." He glanced at Showboat inquisitively.
"That would be Narcho, Tiger, and Plumey," she said.
"They're our pilots then. They'll be getting the personnel out of here at the last possible second. And Gods watch us all."
They all stared at the war table in silence.
"It's a good plan," Dee finally said.
"Doesn't matter if it is or it isn't," Lee sighed. "It's what we've got."
***
The corridors were empty. Dee was extremely grateful for all those running workouts as she whipped through the halls, her hair flying out behind her. She heard Lee behind her, panting as he ran. She thought that perhaps the halls would be filled with ghosts, knowing that this ship was on her way to her destruction, but the truth was all Dee could think about was getting to the Raptor in time.
She cut the corner into the hangar deck and hurtled down the stairs at breakneck speed. Her footsteps echoed through the empty deck as she sprinted across it. Hoshi was jumping into the Raptor, and once he was in he turned around and held his hand out to her. Surprised, Dee grabbed it and let him pull her in, and then turned around. Together, they helped Lee in.
"That's everyone," Narcho said. He closed the door and lifted them off, and Dee only managed to get to her seat before they flew out of the bay and jumped away.
They arrived at the Fleet, jerking into the stars and into formation. There was no battlestar to dock on, so they sat in silence for a few moments, trying to catch their breaths and watching for the other ships appearing in position. Each ship that appeared made Dee's heart jump in relief and happiness, as more and more people made it off New Caprica. She fumbled for Lee's hand and squeezed it. "He'll make it," she told him. "Thanks to you, he'll make it."
"Yeah." Lee squeezed back.
Dee glanced over at Hoshi just in time to see him surreptitiously wiping his eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked him quietly. He nodded and gave her a small smile. She looked away hurriedly, because he deserved at least a little privacy for his grief. And as she did she cried out, because the Galactica appeared in front of them, battered and worn but intact.
"We did it," Lee said, wrapping his arms around Dee's shoulders and pulling her close. "We really did it."
On to Part 5
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-05-22 01:21 pm (UTC)Random detail, I chuckled when Hoshi folded his clothes in the shower room. He's the Pegasus version of Felix (the only question being, why does Felix not have a Narcho?). I'm looking forward to seeing them interact. Also, I liked the beat about the picture of the sick boy sitting on a bed.
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Date: 2009-05-22 02:01 pm (UTC)Narcho was in that one originally, I believe? It's so much better now. It's all about Dee and Hoshi.
Yup. He's still there, actually. The only thing I changed was that Dee asked Hoshi if he was okay, whereas Narcho had done it before. But I figured Dee had made enough progress to know just how big a blow losing the Pegasus was to Hoshi, and she'd be sympathetic to that. Plus, I loved that right as Hoshi lost his ship, Dee found hers, because even though she finally understood the Pegasus crew, she's still a Galactica girl. :)
(the only question being, why does Felix not have a Narcho?)
Because Felix is too wrapped up in Baltar? :) He did have Skulls for a while though, since this is the same universe as YFL. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, though- Felix is going to start being a big part of the story :)
Thanks again!!! :)
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Date: 2009-05-22 02:39 pm (UTC)Yes, that's what I meant. I agree about Dee. It's great how she's in the focus of the chapter now, and how you can really feel she's going somewhere.
Felix is going to start being a big part of the story :)
Well, yaih! :D
Oh, editing to say:
(Would you believe I did two pages of cutting before I sent it to you the first time? Sharon and Helo's wedding was in there as well, with Dee reflecting on Love and Lee and all that.)
Actually, I can easily picture that. I have that problem sometimes, too. You lose focus, and suddenly, you're all over the place, trying to add things to make it work when really you should be cutting. I can see how the wedding would have fit the story well, what with the earlier mentions of Dee talking to Adama about Sharon. There's just too much going down for all of it to be mentioned, although all of it is important somehow. I'm glad I'm not the only person to have that problem although, like you, I don't usually tend to be too verbose. :)
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Date: 2009-05-22 03:37 pm (UTC)I see what you did there! xD
:) I loved the little shower scene. Your Narcho is so much awesome win.
Lee, on the other hand, makes me want to strangle him. He's so... urgh.
So much to like here. I really like the serious bitchfight between Hoshi and Dee, and Helo hitting them with a hose to make them cut it out. Can't wait to see how they all become BFFs.
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Date: 2009-05-22 04:41 pm (UTC)I see you weren't kidding about Narcho's . . . erm . . . salute. That scene made me grin from ear to ear.
This whole chapter is excellent. I'm officially in love with Drill-Sergeant Dee. I liked her uneasy alliance with Hoshi when they both wanted to smack Lee around. The way that eventually devolved into a fist fight just worked so well. I love Helo in this.
Great job! I'm looking forward to more.
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Date: 2009-05-22 05:33 pm (UTC)I know you're no fan of Lee but he strikes me as considerably whinier in this fic than I normally think of him (granted this arc was a sad and sorry state of affairs for him).
I love how Dee had everyone running laps.
I really liked the locker room scene, really fun, I guess I was grinning because my brother asked me why I looked so insane...
Random side note I'm so used to the BSG gender neutral bathrooms and such that there was a scene in Bones where she goes into the men's locker room and it took me a minute to realize why that wasn't okay...
I loved the fist fight breaking out between Dee and Hoshi and of course I adored Helo turning the hose on them. I loved everything about Helo in this chapter. The scene where he let her cry on his shoulder was so sweet.
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Date: 2009-05-22 06:35 pm (UTC)I see what you did there! xD
Hee- I couldn't resist. I needed a bit of silliness! (Although Narcho was determined to provide that as well.)
I'm so glad to be done New Caprica, because I think Lee can now approach not-completely-depressed status again. I don't really like Lee at this point, but at the same time, I feel like it's not fair. This is Lee's low point in the series, and I think it's safe to say the poor guy is clinically depressed. ::Sigh:: It's just that he takes it out on one of my favorite girls....
And I LOVED writing the bitchfight- I'm really glad you liked it! :)
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Date: 2009-05-22 06:37 pm (UTC)Thanks so much! I like Drill-Sergeant Dee, too. Seriously, I think if the Pegasus crew ever sees a small, dark-haired woman again, they're all going to scream like little girls and run the other way. ::contemplates giving Dee a head!Kendra for a moment, except there's no emotional resonance to it.::
Thanks! :)
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Date: 2009-05-22 06:53 pm (UTC)I know you're no fan of Lee but he strikes me as considerably whinier in this fic than I normally think of him (granted this arc was a sad and sorry state of affairs for him).
Your parenthetical comment is exactly dead on to my mindset, I think.
I think New Caprica was a terrible time for Lee, and that it was just as well we didn't see more of him. He was losing it anyway, and then with everything with Kara... I really think Lee was clinically depressed and needed professional help at this point. As sad as it is to say it, I think one thing BSG did well was reflect that. Lee IS truly depressed, and it shows in his attitude and his weight gain and how the people who know him respond to him. It's not the most sympathetic portrayal of depression, but I think it's realistic.
Lee's been tough during this part for a few reasons. One, I do think that the one year skip forward helped us not totally hate Lee, because we just got a taste of what he was going through and what he was like. With this, we have him around constantly. And two, this is Dee's POV. If I'd written the fic from Hoshi's POV, Lee might be a bit different. Hoshi isn't much respecting Lee at the moment, but he wants to. He's sometimes seeing the Commander that Lee can be, and he's not privy to a lot of Lee's more private moments. Lee would put on a face more for Hoshi than he would for Dee, because he feels he can be himself more around Dee.
Fortunately, I do think that the Exodus helped Lee out a lot, and while I think he's not going to bounce back to himself, he's going to head on an upswing here.
Lee's a tough character for me under the best of circumstances. Part of the problem I have with him is that it took him so long to develop as a character in his own right. A lot of times his purpose is to be Adama's son or Apollo to Starbuck or whatever. I totally admit I can't get a good handle on him until Season 4. Once they let him go into politics, I felt like both the character and the writers found their footing. The other part is I was just never that into Lee (or Starbuck, for that matter). For the first two seasons the ones who pulled me in were the older crowd and Chief. (And Dee when she was with Billy. Dee/Billy was my first OTP for BSG.)
So, yeah, I don't disagree with you that my Lee tends to be a little more useless than usual, but now that we're through NC, hopefully that will change. We're actually coming up to some stuff that my notes have emphasized to make sure I keep Lee sympathetic, so as long as I listen to myself....
Heh.
Wow, I'm wordy! Glad you enjoyed the rest of it, and thanks!! :)
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Date: 2009-05-22 07:46 pm (UTC)Moar Narcho? (I would finish the prhase, but maybe I'll let it hang unsaid ;) ).
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Date: 2009-05-22 08:32 pm (UTC)Moar Narcho? (I would finish the prhase, but maybe I'll let it hang unsaid ;) ).
Narcho says you aren't going to find anyone bigger anyway. >:) I don't know that that's true, but he sure thinks he is. (Okay, maybe it is true on the ego aspect. Sheesh.) I'm starting to feel like I need a Narcho icon. (If I could find a good one of him and do the "I AM A GOD!" line....)
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Date: 2009-05-23 01:38 am (UTC)Also, interesting to see the scene on the Pegasus bridge right after the jump away from New Caprica. Even now I still don't understand why Adama agreed to it; it feels like Plot Convenience Theare.
Drunk-with-power!Noel is hilarious!
The scene with Helo was perfect. Is there anyone whose voice you *can't* do?
yay Fridays! :o)
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Date: 2009-05-23 02:11 am (UTC)Lee's speech to Hoshi is so very Lee. You nailed him perfectly there. And Hoshi crying over the Pegasus was a nice touch. I was actually starting to dislike Hoshi in the first part of this chapter, until the reminder that he really cares about his ship. Helo, on the other hand, is great.
Plumey. Nice one. ;)
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Date: 2009-05-23 02:53 am (UTC)Even now I still don't understand why Adama agreed to it; it feels like Plot Convenience Theare.
I do and I don't get it. Lee had some valid points about just how badly outclassed they were. And I guess the fact that the Cylons never even fired a shot is interesting. But yeah, I'm kind of surprised he agreed to it so quickly, too, but at least he felt super guilty over it.
Is there anyone whose voice you *can't* do?
I have a really, really hard time with Romo Lampkin. :P He's tough.
Thanks so much! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 02:59 am (UTC)Though I imagine integrating into Galactica's crew is going to cause a few rifts (next chapter?).
Heh, yeah. That's actually very much what the next chapter is- the Pegasus crew integrating with the Galactica crew, and the New Capricans coming back and dealing with the military group. It makes the bridge bunnies pretty interesting, because you have Hoshi, who's very Pegasus, Dee, who's Galactica but at least understands the Pegasus, and Felix, who is New Caprica. Putting the three of them together is gonna be FUN at first :)
I was actually starting to dislike Hoshi in the first part of this chapter, until the reminder that he really cares about his ship.
Heh, I can't blame you. Hoshi's got a bit of a stick up his ass :) And calling the commander out in the middle of the CIC is not the best idea he's ever had. ::sigh:: But yeah, the way I write Hoshi, the military and the Pegasus are pretty much everything to him, and you'll really see that more and more later.
Thanks so much! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 03:46 am (UTC)Strangely enough, I'm actually feeling some sympathy for Lee. Not so much when he instantly thinks Hoshi is a "frak" for a wee bit of insubordination when Hoshi has been a *major frak* to Lee's own wife and XO for *months* and Lee has just treated it as a minor nuisance, but his later feelings of utter uselessness really hit home.
Also, I never really realized before how unfair it was for Adama to make Lee and Dee Commander and XO of the same ship. Both are good at their jobs, or at least have the potential to be good at their positions, but the close relationship Hoshi and everyone else seems to be thinking Dee should be using on Lee is what's so obviously getting in the way of Dee telling it like it is and Lee listening. Now I'm thinking Dee should've been made XO of Galactica, because she'd balance the Old Man differently but as well as Tigh would have.
It's really interesting, though, that Dee seems to fit in with the Pegasus mentality better than it seems almost anyone else from Galactica would have, understanding what the idea of "war is our imperative" has the potential to be, even if it shouldn't be carried as far as Cain took it. The Cain-Belzen-Hoshi backstory has me very, very intrigued, too.
I loved the fistfight and the shower scene, too (and wow, your Narcho muse doesn't kid around, does he?), but my favorite was the photos. One in particular caught my attention, but...anyway, I love how you touched on the idea that so many loved ones in photos would undergo a 'second death' of sorts when everyone who remembered them died. How people keep the dead alive through memories is one of my fic kinks (I think I'm using that term correctly?).
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Date: 2009-05-23 04:01 am (UTC)but his later feelings of utter uselessness really hit home.
I agree. I was saying upthread that Lee is probably clinically depressed at this point, and really needs help. And although I get frustrated with him because his actions affect others, the guy is well within his rights. They all are.
Now I'm thinking Dee should've been made XO of Galactica, because she'd balance the Old Man differently but as well as Tigh would have.
Heh, THAT'S an interesting idea. :) I like it! And then Helo should have been XO of Pegasus. But yeah, RDM let married couples be on missions together that they shouldn't. I mean, I get why Dee was XO from a meta/show point of view. She was a major character and it worked and made sense. But inside the show, it just really doesn't, and frankly, Hoshi's kind of right :)
The Cain-Belzen-Hoshi backstory has me very, very intrigued, too.
::grin::
(and wow, your Narcho muse doesn't kid around, does he?)
Hee, when I said he was cocky, I meant it! :) My Narcho muse had a lot of fun this time. He very narrowly escaped being stuck in a Cylon detention center for four months, and was rather gleeful about it, I'm afraid. ::Sigh::
I'm really glad you liked the photo scene. I have a very, very deep love for that scene, and that whole idea of the pictures left on the Memorial Wall because no one knew who they were just totally broke my heart in Daybreak. It's such a sad and awful thought. And yeah, the photos... ::sighs again::
And yup, you're using the term fic kinks correctly. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 02:45 pm (UTC)Interestingly, this didn't surprise me at all. I assumed they've talked about this before. I very strongly hope that the CO and XO sat down together at some point to talk about the one contingency that is the fleet's only purpose of existence. So they didn't have to think about it for long because they've thought before about how they can do X in this situation but they can't do Y in that other situation. So Lee could say "Listen, this is not it" and Adama didn't like it but they were intimately familiar with all parameters and options, so they knew to do it.
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Date: 2009-05-30 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-31 05:03 am (UTC)And Helo! I love Helo, especially when he's being practical and a good friend, like now. It was so him to comfort Dee like that, especially the little panicky moment (although I had a hard time believing Dee is tall enough to reach his shoulder to lean her head on ;-)
Also, back to the happier times in the chapter, I adored Noel the power hungry officer. Hee! And the co-ed showers, because those are never not awesome. The banter is great in this story, and even the characters we know so little about in canon feel completely in character the way you've expanded them.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-31 07:23 pm (UTC)although I had a hard time believing Dee is tall enough to reach his shoulder to lean her head on ;-)
::giggle:: Um, Helo was accomodating and bent his knees? He was already sitting and I didn't mention it? :) He picked Dee up? This is an excellent point.
Thanks so much!