FIC: Not Where I Belong, Part 3
Feb. 12th, 2010 07:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantTitle: Not Where I Belong, Part 3
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lls_mutant
Fic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Earth. It's not what anyone expects.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1 | Part 2
"You're frakking kidding me!" Cally said, coughing on her drink. Danielle pounded her on the back. Joe's was crowded tonight, and the noise was a good cover for their conversation. Although it wasn't necessary, as half the people in the bar were probably discussing the same subject.
"I swear to the Gods," Dee said solemnly. "It's the truth."
"No." Racetrack shook her head. "No. It's just not… no."
"Dee's right," Seelix said solemnly. "I was on that damn ship, and Starbuck was dead serious about this. The Cylons are dead serious about this."
Racetrack was fuming. "Those frakkers really thing that after everything they've done- after everything they've taken from us and nuked and frakking blown up- that we even want their help? That we'd give them help?"
"Calm down, Maggie," Caroline said.
"No! I won't calm down! This is insane! The Admiral can't possibly be thinking-"
"Shh!" Dee hissed. "Let's not get the whole bar going!"
"Why?" Racetrack demanded. "If the Admiral is really thinking about doing this, why not let him know that this is pure insanity? Any sort of alliance with the toasters is frakking unacceptable!"
"I'm with Racetrack," Cally said. "Look what happened the last time the Cylons tried to work with us."
"It's not like we've got a say," Danielle sighed. She glanced at Caroline. "You've been awfully quiet."
"Yeah. It's just…"
"What?"
"They're letting us take away the ability to resurrect. Which means shooting the bastards will actually do something. I get what you're saying, Maggie," she said when Racetrack began to swell up again, "and in principle, I agree. But if we're ever going to survive… if we're ever going to have a chance to settle down and have any sort of home, we need to even the odds a bit."
"And if they're lying?" Racetrack demanded. "What if it's a trap?"
Caroline shrugged. "You know, I'm actually at the point where I'm willing to take my chances with it. What other choice have we got?"
"An alliance with the Cylons," Racetrack spat. "Just the very idea makes me sick." She clinked her glass against Seelix's, and then against Cally's. Cally drank. Racetrack was right.
And there was no way that Cally was going to think any differently.
***
Resurrection Hubs and kidnapped Presidents were worrisome, but Cally was used to knowing only part of the story and having to live her life anyway. She opened the hatch to their quarters quietly, hoping she wouldn't wake Nicky.
"Is he asleep?" she whispered.
"Yeah." Galen looked up from the work he was doing at the table. There were two mugs sitting on the surface. "The divorce papers came today."
"Oh." Cally looked at the table and bit her lip.
"Cally, can you sit? Please? I really don't want to sign these without talking it over first. If nothing else, for Nicky's sake."
This time, the argument of Nicky had an affect on her, and Cally sat down. Galen didn't smile. He just played with the pen, staring at the papers.
"You wanted to talk," Cally said when the silence had stretched too long. "So talk."
"Look," Galen said finally. "I know that you've made up your mind that it's too late for us. But I need to tell you what happened, because I'm gonna go crazy if I don't even get to say it." Cally didn't answer, and Galen took that as consent. "Listen- I didn't have any idea until we hit that frakking nebula. I believed I was human. I knew I was human. I mean, I questioned it, but that was around when we found out about Boomer, and who didn't wonder if they were a Cylon after that?"
"I didn't," Cally said.
"Yeah, well," Galen faltered, and then sighed in exasperation, "the point is, I had no idea, okay? Not until the nebula."
"I believe you," Cally said dully.
"You do?"
"Yeah. I saw you on New Caprica. I saw the Cylons around you on New Caprica. I don't think anyone had the idea." Cally shrugged. "But that doesn't change anything."
"It doesn't?" Galen asked.
"You still never told me."
"Can you blame me?" Galen asked. "With everything the Cylons have done, with how much you of all people hate them-"
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!"
"You frakking shot Boomer!" Cally started to defend herself, but Galen overrode her. "You shot Boomer! How the hell was I supposed to tell you, when you'd shot the last person you found out was a Cylon? It's not like you're the most open-minded-"
"Open minded?" Cally demanded incredulously. "This isn't a matter of a different religion or a different planet! It's not like the Sagittarons or something! It's-"
"Stop," Galen said, looking over his shoulder at Nicky's crib. "Look, this isn't what I wanted to talk about."
Cally bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Then what did you want to talk about?"
"How much have you heard about this alliance?"
"Enough."
"Cally-"
"Just that we're helping them find some Hub."
"Right. And in return, we're supposed to help them find D'Anna."
"What's so special about D'Anna?" Cally asked.
"She knows who the final five are."
The impact of that statement didn't fully hit her at first, and then she realized what Galen was getting at. "So everyone is going to…"
"You knew nothing," he said angrily. "No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone claims, from here on out you knew absolutely nothing. Understand?" She nodded, and he sighed, sitting back and rubbing his face. "Did you tell anyone else? Anyone at all?"
"Lieutenant Hoshi," Cally admitted. "He was the only one."
The next question should be why? Not why had she told Hoshi, but why was Hoshi the only one she had told? Why had she kept quiet? But Galen didn't ask any of that. He just stared at the table. So Cally asked the question bothering her, instead.
"Why? Why are you protecting me?"
He looked up at her, and his eyes were red rimmed. "Because you're wrong about me," he said. "I don't understand what I am, but I know who I am, and you're wrong about me. I'm not going to let them do anything to you."
She looked suspiciously at the table. "And what's your price?" she asked, holding up the papers that would begin their divorce proceedings. "I don't sign this?"
"No price. No catch. It's a secret you never should have had to keep. You shouldn’t have to pay for it."
"Ever wonder why I kept my mouth shut?" Cally asked him.
"No," Galen said. "I know."
That surprised her. "And you didn't say anything?" she demanded incredulously. "Or do anything?"
He shrugged, but he looked guilty at the same time. On one hand, it might look noble, the idea he was defending her to the Cylons without her knowledge, and on the other… on the other, her being kept quiet was incredibly convenient for him, and he didn't have to lift a finger to do it.
"Just… whatever happens, keep your head down, okay?" Galen said. "I don't care so much if something happens to me, but I don't want anything to happen to you or Nicky."
"All right," Cally said at length, and then only because it seemed like the right thing to say, she added, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Galen said, and he ventured a smile. Cally didn't return it, she just stared at him evenly. He cleared his throat and got to his feet. "You all set with Nicky, then?" he asked.
"I'm fine."
He looked back at the papers on the table. "What are you going to do about those?"
She stared at him for a long moment, and then picked up the pen and neatly signed her name. He sighed. She handed the pen to him, her eyes boring into him. Finally, he swore, took the pen from her, and signed his own name next to hers.
"I'll see you later," he muttered.
"Yeah."
"Be careful."
Cally nodded. But as he left, she heard herself saying, "You, too."
***
"How are you?" Cally asked, sitting down across from Hoshi. He was playing with algae, and his face was tired and strained.
"All right," he said with a sigh. He poked his fork into the green blob in his bowl. "They're discharging Felix."
"That's great," Cally started to say, but then thought better of it. "Isn't it a little early?"
"Way too early," Hoshi said. "Don't get me wrong- I know he wants out of the infirmary and I can't blame him, but he's still in so much pain. Adama says they need him in the CIC, and I think Felix is just… I think he's looking to be distracted, but…" he shrugged. His face looked a lot more bitter than it had before the Demetrius returned.
"How are you holding up?" something prompted Cally to ask.
Hoshi managed a little grin. "Are you going to kick my ass again if I tell you this is really, really hard?"
"No," Cally said with a little laugh. "I get it, actually. It's not the same thing, but I know how it feels to have to adjust your entire idea for the future. Even these days."
-"Yeah, I guess you do," Hoshi agreed. "It's just… every time I think we take a few steps forward, we take another giant one back. Some days, it feels like we're so close, but sometimes it feels like we're not even together- he just shuts me out so thoroughly. It's just…" he trailed off, shrugging, and Cally felt for him.
"You look exhausted," she said. "You should get some sleep."
"I should. But there's some navigation that needs doing." Hoshi pushed aside his largely uneaten food. "I'll see you later, Cally."
"Yeah." Cally watched him go.
***
Four Cylons. There were four Cylons in the Fleet. Cally watched D'Anna, wondering who the fourth one was. Tigh and Tory were trying not to look at each other. Cally looked up towards the catwalk and saw Galen standing with… with Sam Anders. Cally's breath caught, and she wondered if he was the last one. In some strange way, it fit.
And then, Tory Foster crossed over to D'Anna, claiming to need to give Laura Roslin her medicine. Cally stared, her eyes wide. Tory didn't say it, but everyone knew. She was one of the Final Five, and she was going with the Cylons.
Cally was free.
Tory's secret was out, and Cally could tell or not tell about Galen and Colonel Tigh. The realization was like a weight off her shoulders, and she closed her eyes in relief.
She looked up at Galen. He was watching the proceedings below. She wondered what would happen if she just stepped forward and said, "Chief Tyrol and Colonel Tigh are Cylons." She considered it.
But Galen had promised to protect her. She wasn't sure how much that counted for, but it counted for something. And if Cally was honest, the problem- the real problem- was still the same. People might have believed her about Tory. They would never, ever believe her about Tigh and Tyrol.
Cally stood in the hangar bay and kept her mouth shut.
***
"Did you hear?"
The whispers swept the corridors of Galactica like wind chasing dried up leaves. Cally knew what they were about before the words were even spoken.
"They're toasters. Frakking toasters. The Colonel, the Chief, and Anders. They're Cylons."
Cally braced herself for the hell that was about to break loose.
***
"Cally!"
Cally looked up from the socket she was working on. "Dee. What are you doing down here?"
Dee shifted. "You've heard about the Cylons?"
"It took about five minutes to circulate the ship," Cally said dryly. She glanced over, and saw Lee Adama leaving a launch tube, along with a contingent of Marines, Colonel Tigh, Sam Anders, and Galen. She shivered.
"Cally, are you… " Dee trailed off, and Cally understood. Are you okay? was just a dumb question when a woman had just supposedly found out the man she'd been married to was a Cylon. She smiled.
"I'm all right, Dee. I just… they didn't airlock him?"
"No." Dee chewed on her lip worriedly. "Starbuck claims that Tyrol, Anders, and Tigh just gave us Earth."
Cally's eyes widened. "Earth?" she said incredulously. "You're joking."
"I didn't say I fully believed it," Dee said, "but I'm not joking. Isn't it funny? We've spent four years dreaming about it and now, maybe it can happen…"
Dee said she didn't believe it, but Cally saw the hope flaring in her eyes, the faith written all over her face. She reached out and squeezed Dee's hand.
"Who knows?" she asked. "Maybe the gods are listening after all."
***
"Hey. Hey you! Toaster frakker!"
Cally kept walking, not looking behind her. She recognized Vireem's voice, and it brought her heart to her mouth and her blood to a boil.
"Cal..lee…" he called, dragging her name out in a sing-song. "Cal… lee…. What do you say, sweetheart? How about giving it up for a real man?"
She knelt down, ostensibly to tie her boot. Vireem stopped behind her; she could hear his breathing. "That's it, huh? Playing hard to get? Playing the innocent? Well, from what I hear, you're not-"
Vireem never got the chance to tell Cally what she wasn't. Cally put all her strength into it, standing and twisting so her elbow caught Vireem hard in the solar plexus. He doubled over, and her knee caught his chin. She pushed him away, and he staggered back against the wall.
"Don't you ever, EVER think you can get away with that again, you frakker," she growled at him. "If you try it again, I will kill you, do you understand me? You keep your frakking hands to yourself!"
There was applause. Cally looked around, startled, and saw several members of the crew watching, clapping. But there were others who looked on darkly, arms crossed, or not commenting. She ignored them, held her head hey, and delicately stepped over Gage's legs. The crowd parted for her, and she continued on her way.
But as she did, she knew she wasn't imagining the anger of some of the crew, or the vindication of others.
***
"Cally."
Cally looked up to see Laird ambling towards her. He looked serious and worried, but then, Laird always looked serious and worried. "Yes, sir?" As he got closer, she spotted the insignia pinned to his jumpsuit. "Sir" was the right word, all right. "Yes, Chief?" she corrected herself, oddly enough feeling like a traitor.
Laird's mouth flicked up in a semblance of a smile, but otherwise he ignored the rank. "I need a hand with Hot Dog's bird. I don't know what he managed to do to the targeting system, but it's a mess."
"Yes, sir." Cally glanced over at the Viper, battle-scarred and weary, even just to the eye. "Ten to one says there's a short in the FTP board."
Laird groaned. "I hope not. That will take hours. But you're probably right. Come on. Let's go see."
There was an odd sort of peace about working with Laird. He lived for his job, and didn't seem to see much outside it. When Cally was working with him, the complicated world reduced itself down to parts and engines, drives and wires.
The beeping of the intercom interrupted them. They both scooted out from under the console, sitting companionably together in the door of the Raptor.
"Women and men of Galactica. People of the Fleet." Adama's voice filled the hangar bay. They all froze, the solemnity of the moment obvious just from the tone of the Admiral's voice. "Three years ago, I promised to lead you to a new home. We've endured a difficult journey. We've all lost, we've all suffered, and the truth is, I questioned whether this day would ever come. But today, our journey is at an end. We have arrived... at Earth."
Cally's mouth fell open as the word washed over her. Earth. It was real, it was real… it was real. She sat still on the wing of the Viper for a long moment, her hands curled around the cool metal. Earth.
A cheer began building, echoing through the hangar deck. It snapped Cally out of her trance, and she looked at Laird. He was crying, tears streaking his face as he smiled. He reached out and hugged her, a gesture that she never would have associated with him, and she returned the embrace tightly.
All around them, the hangar deck was exploding with joy. People were hugging, kissing, shouting, laughing, and clapping…. Cally stood on the Viper watching it all, her face nearly splitting from her smile. She saw Danielle reach over and finally kiss Figurski, who looked shocked and predictably delighted. There was a group in the center like a vortex, spinning, drawing people into high fives, hugs, and shaken hands. Beside her, Laird had sat back down and was crying into his hands, shoulders shaking.
Earth.
She closed her eyes and stretched, light radiating through her. She had no idea what awaited them down there on that planet, but it had to be better than this.
***
She let herself into the quarters, even though it was Galen's night with Nicky. He looked up, surprised to see her.
"Hey," he said.
"How are you?" she asked softly.
He blinked, but then nodded. "We're doing okay. Cally-"
She stared at him and Nicky, settled together, sitting on the bed. Her vision began to blur, and to her surprise a part of her wanted to go join them, especially on tonight of all nights. But she didn't move.
"Hey," Galen said, "you okay?"
She nodded. "I am. I just… it's Earth."
"Yeah. I know."
"What's going to happen now? With Nicky?"
He snorted. "You're asking me? You know my answer. We get back together, we sort this all out, and we go on as a family." Cally didn't answer, and he sighed. "But instead of that, let's not make any plans tonight, okay, Cally? We have no idea what Earth is like, or what's going to happen when we get down there. We might all be in some sort of government quarantine, for all we know." She nodded. "I promise you, I'm not going to run off with Nicky, okay?"
She nodded again.
Nicky made a noise, and Galen smiled a little. "Come on," he said, scooting over and setting Nicky on the bed. "Come sit with us, just for a bit."
Cally wasn't sure, but her feet drew her there anyway. She settled on the bed, not touching Galen, but with Nicky sitting between them. Nicky smiled up at her and gabbled, and for a moment, Cally almost believed that this was real, and they were a family again.
It wouldn't happen, she thought. She wasn't even sure she wanted it. Galen was a Cylon, a liar, and probably a cheater as well. She didn't think she could forgive any of that. But just for a minute, she wished she could go back to when she didn't know any of that, and they'd been happy.
"What?" Galen asked.
Cally realized she was smiling. "It's nothing," she said. "It's just… I'm probably the only person on this ship hoping that I'll be as happy on Earth as I was on New Caprica."
Galen closed his eyes. "No," he said. "There might be another." He opened them, and then they both turned their attention to Nicky.
***
"Okay, on three," Cally heard someone saying as she made her way to a Raptor. "One, two… three!" She furrowed her brow, because it sounded an awful lot like Hoshi.
"Oh, come on!" Dee said. "Okay, best four out of seven?"
"All right, but this is it," Hoshi warned her.
Cally rounded the corner just in time to hear them counting off, and then doing something that looked an awful lot like 'rock, paper, scissors.' Dee put out scissors, Hoshi put out rock, and he raised his fist in the air. "Yes!"
"Five out of nine?" Dee tried.
"Just face it, the gods are not with you," Hoshi said smugly. "This is my mission, Lieutenant."
"Fine," Dee sighed.
"What's this all about?" Cally asked, shrugging her field jacket on.
Dee sighed. "Adama said one of us has to stay in the bridge," she explained. "He told us to work it out for ourselves."
"He wasn't overly specific as to how," Hoshi said with a huge smile. "Hey, I'll bring you back some Earth flowers, okay?"
"You'd better," Dee groused. "I'd better get back to the great excitement of the CIC." She trudged off.
Hoshi pulled on his own field jacket and hopped aboard the Raptor. "Are you coming, Cally?" he asked.
"I've got a spot," Cally said happily. He held out a hand and she accepted it as he pulled her on in. "Just in case anything goes wrong with the ships down there. Never been so glad that they're all ready for the junk heap."
"That fills me with such confidence."
Cally laughed. "How's Gaeta?" she asked.
Hoshi's smile dimmed for a minute, and then returned, but it looked a little forced. "Improving," he said. "Slowly, but he's improving. And now that we've found Earth…" his smile became a little more genuine. "Things will get better," he said.
"Are you guys okay?" Cally asked, not really liking the forced quality of his answer.
"We are," Hoshi said. "It's just… tough right now." He lifted his chin. "But we'll get through it. We've gotten through enough already, and… we'll get through it."
Cally nodded. She was about to say more, but a few Marines climbed into the Raptor, and Shark and Easy hopped in as well.
"Greetings, ladies and gentlemen," Shark said gleefully. "This is the nonstop, full service shuttle to… drumroll, please, Easy…" She complied, banging it out on the console. "Earth!" Shark finished with a flourish. The Marines cheered, and Hoshi and Cally joined in. The joy was infectious- it was impossible not to feel it.
"So buckle in tight," Shark continued, "and get ready for the ride of your life!"
***
Earth.
There it was, in all its broken glory. Burnt out structures, crumbling buildings, black soot and radioactive waste. Cally stood on the soil, staring around her in horror.
There was nothing here, nothing but ash and poison.
***
She found Hoshi kneeling by the water's edge, a set of jacks in his hand. His hand was shaking, and there were tears in his eyes.
"There were kids here," he whispered. "Children. And they died."
Cally just nodded. She put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged her off. She had no idea what to say, so she turned around and left him alone, the crunch of her boots on the gravel echoing in her ears, punctuated only by a quiet sob.
***
The strange, bleak spell broke when she saw Galen. He was standing against a crumbling wall, staring at it like he was trying to remember. She didn't care.
"You!" she shouted, and she ran at him. She pushed him as hard as she could, and he took a step back. "You! You brought us here! That's what they said! The Cylons gave us Earth! And this is what you gave us?" She swung.
Galen caught her fists. "Cally," he said, his voice cracking, "I didn't know. I didn't…."
"You brought us here!" Cally heard herself crying. "You. You did this. You frakking toasters!"
Galen was saying something, but Cally couldn't hear him. The tears were streaking down her face, hot and wet, and her nose was starting to clog, and her shoulders were hurting as she sobbed. She tried to pound his chest, but he had her hands tightly, and somehow, without her knowing how, he had his arms wrapped around her and she was crying into his chest.
She cried until her body began to protest, and it hurt more to let it out than to keep it in. It was only then that she was aware of Galen's arms around her, and even more, that her arms were around him and that he was stroking her hair. For a moment, it felt good, like those days when Galen had been her rock, her strength. And then she opened her eyes and saw the gray around her, and she pushed him away.
"Cally," Galen said hoarsely, "you have to believe me. I had no idea."
She just stared at him dully. "I don't know what to believe anymore," she said, and she turned and left him by his wall, staring at a blasted and broken past.
***
The Marines were silent as they loaded into the Raptor, and there was no banter between Shark and Easy. Cally thudded herself into her seat, and noticed that Hoshi wasn't there. She was about to say something when he climbed into the Raptor, not meeting anyone's eyes. He sat down in a corner, pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them. One of the Marines reached out and tried to pat his shoulder, but Hoshi shrugged him off.
As Shark and Easy began the pre-flight procedure, Cally heard him whispering, "It's okay. Don't fall apart. It's okay. Just don’t fall apart."
But it was clear that he was.
***
The landing bay was full of confused people when they got out of the Raptor. "She didn't say a word," Danielle told Cally angrily as Cally climbed out of the Raptor. "Neither she nor the Admiral said a word. She just shook her head and ran. What happened down there?"
Cally took a deep breath. The crying fit on the beach had loosened her chest, and she could talk now. "It's nuked," she said. "The entire planet. It's completely uninhabitable."
"Frak." Danielle reeled backwards. "You're sure?"
"They're going to do more tests," Cally said, "but it looked bleaker than New Caprica."
"Gods." But Danielle seemed strangely calm about it. Cally realized she'd never heard Danielle talk about Earth. Which was odd- Danielle had always struck her as something of a dreamer. But then, Danielle was the one with clear enough eyes to see that Figurski- older, fatter, meeker, but kind and considerate and respectful Figurski- was a catch these days, and she went after it. Cally suddenly realized that Danielle was much more practical than anyone had given her credit for.
"How'd 718 hold up on the way down?" Danielle asked her.
Cally blinked. "You know, I barely noticed," she said. "We'll have to take it out again later."
Danielle nodded. Her eyes were fastened on Cally's, two anchors in this strange storm. "Maybe we can try a few jumps, see what the frak is up with that FTL drive."
"Right." Cally felt the world straightening out again. It didn't make it better- Earth was still a black, bleeding hole in her- but she clung to her work as a way to cope. "Right," she said with more confidence. "Let me go check on Nicky, and then we'll see if we can get this damn Raptor sorted once and for all."
Danielle smiled. It wasn’t her bright, usual smile, but it was something. "Great. See you in two hours?"
"Two hours," Cally confirmed.
***
She was on her way to her own quarters when she passed Dee and Gaeta, who were just coming off their shifts in the CIC. "What happened?" Dee demanded.
Cally wondered why the hell she was the one constantly repeating this story. She'd already had to tell three other groups in her trek to her quarters. There didn't seem to be any official word yet. She burned with resentment at having to be the one to deliver bad news, to break people's hearts.
And looking at the stubborn hope on Dee and Gaeta's faces, Cally knew she had to do it again.
As she told them, she saw them both break. Dee's eyes filled with tears, and Gaeta's hands tightened on his crutches. Cally had the presence of mind to take him by the elbow and lead him over to a crate so he could sit, but Dee stood helplessly in the middle of the corridor, her chin trembling. Gaeta bent over, burying his face in his hands for a long moment. For some reason, the sight of Gaeta, who never deviated from calm, cool, and collected, breaking like that hit Cally, and hit her hard. Once again, her throat closed and the angry tears surfaced.
Then Dee was next to her, clinging to her hand. "It's really dead?" she asked Cally. "It's really that bad?"
"I guess so," Cally said, wiping at her face. "It sure looked it."
Dee looked at Gaeta, who was still sitting on the crate with his face buried in his hands. "Where's Louis?" she asked.
"Oh, gods, I don't know." Cally looked over her shoulder. "He was in my Raptor, and I'm pretty sure he got out, but…."
"I'll find him." Dee squared her shoulders, and Cally saw that same thing she had felt- a task was giving Dee some purpose, some way to survive the worst of this shock. "I'll go find him. Will you stay with Felix until I get back?"
Cally nodded, and Dee hustled off. Cally didn't know what to do, so she sat down on the crate next to Gaeta. He didn't really move at first, but finally he dropped his hands to his side.
"So that's it," he said dully. He snorted. "All this time, I knew that the Admiral didn't really know where we were going. But I still thought… I mean, I'm not religious, but the Scrolls have a basis in fact. And even if Earth wasn't inhabited by the thirteenth tribe, I thought we'd at least find someplace habitable. That we could be done, that we could start lives, and at least if the Cylons came along and blew us all to hell, we'd die happy."
"Yeah," was all that Cally could think to say.
"What a frakking waste," Gaeta said.
Cally was saved from having to say anything more by Dee returning with Hoshi. He must have been on his way for her to have found him so quickly. He looked different than he had on the Raptor; more collected, more at peace. He saw Gaeta and immediately came towards him. Gaeta struggled to standing, leaning heavily on the awkward prosthetic, but Hoshi caught him before he could fall. They stood together, silently embracing in the middle of the corridor. Cally exchanged looks with Dee, and Dee cocked her head for them to leave.
"It's just as well," Cally said quietly. "I need to check on Nicky before I get back to the hangar bay."
"What are you going to do?" Dee asked.
"Work until I can't work anymore," Cally said. "What about you?"
"I don't know," Dee said helplessly. "I just can't… I wanted so badly to go down there, and is it awful I'm glad I didn't?"
"No," Cally said. "Then you don’t have the pictures in your mind. It's probably better." She knew she was only beginning to process what she saw on Earth, and it would be haunting her nightmares tonight.
Dee sighed. "I think we're going to need alcohol later."
"Lots of alcohol," Cally agreed. "I'll tell Danielle, and we'll meet you after we're done our shift."
"I'll let Seelix, Racetrack and Caroline know," Dee agreed. "Hell, if they're not on duty, I'll even see if Hoshi and Gaeta want to drink themselves into oblivion with us."
"Sounds good." Cally sighed and scrubbed her face with her hands. "I'd better go check up on Nicky and get him settled."
"Good luck."
Cally shook her head. "It will be the easiest part of my day. He's got no frakking clue as to what's going on."
"I envy him," Dee sighed.
"Yeah. Me, too."
***
The hangar deck was still chaos when Cally made it back an hour and a half later, Nicky safely ensconced in the daycare. It wasn't even an organized chaos- just a mess of people.
"Oh thank gods," Danielle said when she spotted Cally. "Let's get working on our Raptor. This place is-" before Danielle could finish, there was a loud crash. Cally spun around, and as she did so she heard yelling. Two deckhands were getting into a fistfight.
"Come on," Danielle said, but Cally was already charging over, looking for Laird or Galen. But neither of them seemed to be on deck.
"That's enough!" she shouted over the din. No one seemed to hear her. She took a deep breath. "SHUT THE FRAK UP!"
The two combatants stilled just long enough for Cally to squeeze through the crowd and between them. She put her hand on each one's chest and pushed them apart. "This is not the way this deck operates!" she shouted, loudly enough to roughen her throat. She noticed that one of the fighters was Vireem. She got up in his face. "You know I can kick your ass any time I want, so you will get back to work right frakking now before I prove it."
"Oh yeah?" Vireem loomed over her. "All right. Prove it."
Oh, shit. Cally tensed, bringing her fists up. "Fine," she said, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"She doesn't have to prove anything," Galen said, "and neither do you. Everyone get the frak back to work. If you want to fight, go ahead and fight, but not on the deck where you can break any of the few parts we've got left. You got it?"
There were murmurs- some of respect, some of dissent- and the crowd began to dissipate.
"You didn't have to step in," Cally muttered.
"Yes I did. Even though he's an ass, Vireem can at least turn a wrench, and you biting the fingers off his hand takes away the only use that waste of oxygen has."
"Yeah, well." Cally couldn't really argue with that. She brushed her hair back. "Danielle and I are going to grab a pilot and see about 718."
Galen groaned. "That’s still giving you guys trouble?"
"Still. Want to plug your circuit board in and commune with it?"
He stared at her for a long moment, and then gave a short laugh. "Only you, Cally," he said. "Go ahead. I think you're the one person I don't need to worry about on this deck. Just tell me what you guys come up with, okay?"
"Got it." She gave a half-hearted salute and made her way back to where Danielle was waiting.
"What was that all about?"
"He's taking a moment to play deck chief," Cally sighed. "Can't imagine he's going to be here long, though. Those toasters are going to have a lot to answer for in terms of Earth."
"Come on," Danielle said, a little too sharply. "I got Racetrack. She said she'd take us out."
"Great. Seriously. What the frak is wrong with this Raptor, anyway?"
***
They drifted out into the darkness, the Fleet all around them. Danielle looked out the front window and sighed. "I wonder what it's like on the other ships," she said.
"It's got to be better than Galactica," Racetrack groused. "Frak, just about anywhere is better than here right now." She flipped a switch and then turned her head in disgust. "I just wish we could get that frakking planet out of our sight right now. It's like the biggest frakking tease, and I get sick just looking at the damned thing."
"Can we try a jump?" Cally asked her, ignoring the rest of the conversation as fixedly as she could. "Just a small one."
"Yeah. Let me put in the coordinates…" Racetrack entered them rapidly. "And jump." Cally swallowed as the tiny craft made the jump. In the past few years she'd gotten used to it on the Galactica, but jumping in the Raptors still made her nauseous. She stared at the data outputting on the ECO console.
"Frak," she said, studying it. "We're drifting."
"Yeah," Racetrack sighed, checking her own readings. "Not by much, but it was a small jump."
"Try one more," Cally ordered.
Racetrack obeyed, and suddenly, the Zephyr was right in front of them. Danielle and Cally both screamed, but Racetrack kept her head and turned the Raptor just in time.
"Frak," Cally panted. "It's the PC12N chip. That's the only thing that would do something like this." She sighed and fell back into her seat. "It's frakked."
"What's that mean?" Racetrack asked. "Junk heap?"
"Fleet traffic," Cally declared. "Unless we've got a spare chip."
"Great."
The news only seemed to depress Racetrack further, but as she piloted back to the Galactica's landing bay, Cally felt an odd sense of triumph. Raptor 718 had been off for so long… it felt good to finally have figured it out. A small triumph on a day of colossal disappointment, but it kept her going.
***
"Hey Cally," Danielle said as they left the hangar deck, "are you going by the officer's quarters at all?"
"Yeah, I need to go to the daycare just to check on Nicky before we go out. Why?" Cally asked.
"Dee said she'd leave a white dress on her bunk for me. I'd go get it but…" Danielle gestured down at her coveralls, which had been completely covered by an oil spill after they'd gotten back. Her nails were still black as well, and there were specks all over her face.
"Yeah. Especially since you said the dress was white. I'll bring it back to the racks for you."
"Thanks, Cally. I'll meet you there."
She arrived at the officer's racks just as Gaeta was leaving. His cheeks were flushed, and although he looked exhausted, a ghost of a smile lingered at the corners of his lips. His uniform jacket was unbuttoned, and he was struggling with the crutches and the heavy hatch.
"Let me get that for you," Cally offered.
"Thanks," Gaeta said. He struggled out, not looking at her. Cally imagined it must be extremely hard for him to accept help. He didn't say any more, just started down the hall. Cally shrugged and headed in.
She supposed she wasn't surprised to see Hoshi standing near his bunk, wearing his tanks and buttoning up his pants. But what was surprising was that the aura of peace that Cally had noticed in the hall was even stronger around him, and he was humming.
"You're glowing," she said suspiciously.
"Am I?" He opened the locker and pulled out his jacket. Cally noticed there were some pictures hanging inside, and stepped a little closer. He sensed her proximity and handed her one. "Remember I told you about them? That's Bob and Katrina." Cally studied the picture. They were a kindly looking couple; he was a tall, lean, dark-skinned man, and she was an equally tall, extremely beautiful redhead. He smiled and took the picture back, putting it in its place. "I never knew what either of my parents looked like, but once I tried to pretend that they really were my parents. I couldn't make myself believe it, but gods, I wished it."
Cally nodded and let her eyes drift back to the pictures. There was another picture of Hoshi with what looked like some of the brass from the Pegasus, and a picture of Hoshi with Gaeta. Cally's eyes widened. "I think that's the best picture I've ever seen of either of you," she said.
Hoshi touched it gently. "I know," he said. "We're both smiling. Really smiling. It feels like that was so long ago. We had no idea of what was in front of us."
"Well, none of us does," Cally said. She stepped back and glanced over the racks until she spotted Dee's dress, neatly laid out for Danielle. She picked it up.
Hoshi was still looking at the picture, his fingers lingering gently on Gaeta's face. "Hey, Cally?"
"Yeah?"
"If something ever happens to me, can you make sure that they use that picture on the wall? The one of me and Felix?"
"Don't talk like that," Cally scolded him. But she sighed. "I will. I have to go check on Nicky. Are you guys coming drinking with us?"
"Felix is. I'm not. Give Nicky a kiss for me, will you?" Hoshi said.
"All right. I'll see you later." Cally smiled at him and stepped out of the room, closing the hatch behind her. As she headed down the hall, she saw Gaeta struggling back towards the racks. "Forget something?" she said.
"Yeah, I needed a-" a sound that sounded far too much like a gunshot interrupted him. Cally froze, and her eyes met his.
"That wasn't-"
"No, it couldn't-"
They both turned, and Cally began to run back to the officer's racks. The hatch was unlatched, and she yanked it open. She managed to get two steps in before she stopped short, her hand over her mouth in a futile attempt to stop her own scream.
"What happened?" Gaeta said right behind her. Cally wanted to turn around and block his view, but she couldn’t move and he fumbled around her. "No! NO!" Gaeta maneuvered over to Hoshi's body crumpled on the floor, a pool of blood growing around it. "No, Louis, baby… no," he cried, managing to kneel down beside Hoshi. "You're okay. You're going to be okay. We'll get you a medic, baby, and you'll be okay." Cally realized with growing horror that he was picking up bits of brain and trying to put them back into Hoshi's head.
"Somebody get a medic!" he shouted, but it was too late. Hoshi was dead, and no medic was going to save him.
And once again, Cally found herself crying.
On to Part 4
Author:
lls_mutantFic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Earth. It's not what anyone expects.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1 | Part 2
"You're frakking kidding me!" Cally said, coughing on her drink. Danielle pounded her on the back. Joe's was crowded tonight, and the noise was a good cover for their conversation. Although it wasn't necessary, as half the people in the bar were probably discussing the same subject.
"I swear to the Gods," Dee said solemnly. "It's the truth."
"No." Racetrack shook her head. "No. It's just not… no."
"Dee's right," Seelix said solemnly. "I was on that damn ship, and Starbuck was dead serious about this. The Cylons are dead serious about this."
Racetrack was fuming. "Those frakkers really thing that after everything they've done- after everything they've taken from us and nuked and frakking blown up- that we even want their help? That we'd give them help?"
"Calm down, Maggie," Caroline said.
"No! I won't calm down! This is insane! The Admiral can't possibly be thinking-"
"Shh!" Dee hissed. "Let's not get the whole bar going!"
"Why?" Racetrack demanded. "If the Admiral is really thinking about doing this, why not let him know that this is pure insanity? Any sort of alliance with the toasters is frakking unacceptable!"
"I'm with Racetrack," Cally said. "Look what happened the last time the Cylons tried to work with us."
"It's not like we've got a say," Danielle sighed. She glanced at Caroline. "You've been awfully quiet."
"Yeah. It's just…"
"What?"
"They're letting us take away the ability to resurrect. Which means shooting the bastards will actually do something. I get what you're saying, Maggie," she said when Racetrack began to swell up again, "and in principle, I agree. But if we're ever going to survive… if we're ever going to have a chance to settle down and have any sort of home, we need to even the odds a bit."
"And if they're lying?" Racetrack demanded. "What if it's a trap?"
Caroline shrugged. "You know, I'm actually at the point where I'm willing to take my chances with it. What other choice have we got?"
"An alliance with the Cylons," Racetrack spat. "Just the very idea makes me sick." She clinked her glass against Seelix's, and then against Cally's. Cally drank. Racetrack was right.
And there was no way that Cally was going to think any differently.
***
Resurrection Hubs and kidnapped Presidents were worrisome, but Cally was used to knowing only part of the story and having to live her life anyway. She opened the hatch to their quarters quietly, hoping she wouldn't wake Nicky.
"Is he asleep?" she whispered.
"Yeah." Galen looked up from the work he was doing at the table. There were two mugs sitting on the surface. "The divorce papers came today."
"Oh." Cally looked at the table and bit her lip.
"Cally, can you sit? Please? I really don't want to sign these without talking it over first. If nothing else, for Nicky's sake."
This time, the argument of Nicky had an affect on her, and Cally sat down. Galen didn't smile. He just played with the pen, staring at the papers.
"You wanted to talk," Cally said when the silence had stretched too long. "So talk."
"Look," Galen said finally. "I know that you've made up your mind that it's too late for us. But I need to tell you what happened, because I'm gonna go crazy if I don't even get to say it." Cally didn't answer, and Galen took that as consent. "Listen- I didn't have any idea until we hit that frakking nebula. I believed I was human. I knew I was human. I mean, I questioned it, but that was around when we found out about Boomer, and who didn't wonder if they were a Cylon after that?"
"I didn't," Cally said.
"Yeah, well," Galen faltered, and then sighed in exasperation, "the point is, I had no idea, okay? Not until the nebula."
"I believe you," Cally said dully.
"You do?"
"Yeah. I saw you on New Caprica. I saw the Cylons around you on New Caprica. I don't think anyone had the idea." Cally shrugged. "But that doesn't change anything."
"It doesn't?" Galen asked.
"You still never told me."
"Can you blame me?" Galen asked. "With everything the Cylons have done, with how much you of all people hate them-"
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!"
"You frakking shot Boomer!" Cally started to defend herself, but Galen overrode her. "You shot Boomer! How the hell was I supposed to tell you, when you'd shot the last person you found out was a Cylon? It's not like you're the most open-minded-"
"Open minded?" Cally demanded incredulously. "This isn't a matter of a different religion or a different planet! It's not like the Sagittarons or something! It's-"
"Stop," Galen said, looking over his shoulder at Nicky's crib. "Look, this isn't what I wanted to talk about."
Cally bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Then what did you want to talk about?"
"How much have you heard about this alliance?"
"Enough."
"Cally-"
"Just that we're helping them find some Hub."
"Right. And in return, we're supposed to help them find D'Anna."
"What's so special about D'Anna?" Cally asked.
"She knows who the final five are."
The impact of that statement didn't fully hit her at first, and then she realized what Galen was getting at. "So everyone is going to…"
"You knew nothing," he said angrily. "No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone claims, from here on out you knew absolutely nothing. Understand?" She nodded, and he sighed, sitting back and rubbing his face. "Did you tell anyone else? Anyone at all?"
"Lieutenant Hoshi," Cally admitted. "He was the only one."
The next question should be why? Not why had she told Hoshi, but why was Hoshi the only one she had told? Why had she kept quiet? But Galen didn't ask any of that. He just stared at the table. So Cally asked the question bothering her, instead.
"Why? Why are you protecting me?"
He looked up at her, and his eyes were red rimmed. "Because you're wrong about me," he said. "I don't understand what I am, but I know who I am, and you're wrong about me. I'm not going to let them do anything to you."
She looked suspiciously at the table. "And what's your price?" she asked, holding up the papers that would begin their divorce proceedings. "I don't sign this?"
"No price. No catch. It's a secret you never should have had to keep. You shouldn’t have to pay for it."
"Ever wonder why I kept my mouth shut?" Cally asked him.
"No," Galen said. "I know."
That surprised her. "And you didn't say anything?" she demanded incredulously. "Or do anything?"
He shrugged, but he looked guilty at the same time. On one hand, it might look noble, the idea he was defending her to the Cylons without her knowledge, and on the other… on the other, her being kept quiet was incredibly convenient for him, and he didn't have to lift a finger to do it.
"Just… whatever happens, keep your head down, okay?" Galen said. "I don't care so much if something happens to me, but I don't want anything to happen to you or Nicky."
"All right," Cally said at length, and then only because it seemed like the right thing to say, she added, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Galen said, and he ventured a smile. Cally didn't return it, she just stared at him evenly. He cleared his throat and got to his feet. "You all set with Nicky, then?" he asked.
"I'm fine."
He looked back at the papers on the table. "What are you going to do about those?"
She stared at him for a long moment, and then picked up the pen and neatly signed her name. He sighed. She handed the pen to him, her eyes boring into him. Finally, he swore, took the pen from her, and signed his own name next to hers.
"I'll see you later," he muttered.
"Yeah."
"Be careful."
Cally nodded. But as he left, she heard herself saying, "You, too."
***
"How are you?" Cally asked, sitting down across from Hoshi. He was playing with algae, and his face was tired and strained.
"All right," he said with a sigh. He poked his fork into the green blob in his bowl. "They're discharging Felix."
"That's great," Cally started to say, but then thought better of it. "Isn't it a little early?"
"Way too early," Hoshi said. "Don't get me wrong- I know he wants out of the infirmary and I can't blame him, but he's still in so much pain. Adama says they need him in the CIC, and I think Felix is just… I think he's looking to be distracted, but…" he shrugged. His face looked a lot more bitter than it had before the Demetrius returned.
"How are you holding up?" something prompted Cally to ask.
Hoshi managed a little grin. "Are you going to kick my ass again if I tell you this is really, really hard?"
"No," Cally said with a little laugh. "I get it, actually. It's not the same thing, but I know how it feels to have to adjust your entire idea for the future. Even these days."
-"Yeah, I guess you do," Hoshi agreed. "It's just… every time I think we take a few steps forward, we take another giant one back. Some days, it feels like we're so close, but sometimes it feels like we're not even together- he just shuts me out so thoroughly. It's just…" he trailed off, shrugging, and Cally felt for him.
"You look exhausted," she said. "You should get some sleep."
"I should. But there's some navigation that needs doing." Hoshi pushed aside his largely uneaten food. "I'll see you later, Cally."
"Yeah." Cally watched him go.
***
Four Cylons. There were four Cylons in the Fleet. Cally watched D'Anna, wondering who the fourth one was. Tigh and Tory were trying not to look at each other. Cally looked up towards the catwalk and saw Galen standing with… with Sam Anders. Cally's breath caught, and she wondered if he was the last one. In some strange way, it fit.
And then, Tory Foster crossed over to D'Anna, claiming to need to give Laura Roslin her medicine. Cally stared, her eyes wide. Tory didn't say it, but everyone knew. She was one of the Final Five, and she was going with the Cylons.
Cally was free.
Tory's secret was out, and Cally could tell or not tell about Galen and Colonel Tigh. The realization was like a weight off her shoulders, and she closed her eyes in relief.
She looked up at Galen. He was watching the proceedings below. She wondered what would happen if she just stepped forward and said, "Chief Tyrol and Colonel Tigh are Cylons." She considered it.
But Galen had promised to protect her. She wasn't sure how much that counted for, but it counted for something. And if Cally was honest, the problem- the real problem- was still the same. People might have believed her about Tory. They would never, ever believe her about Tigh and Tyrol.
Cally stood in the hangar bay and kept her mouth shut.
***
"Did you hear?"
The whispers swept the corridors of Galactica like wind chasing dried up leaves. Cally knew what they were about before the words were even spoken.
"They're toasters. Frakking toasters. The Colonel, the Chief, and Anders. They're Cylons."
Cally braced herself for the hell that was about to break loose.
***
"Cally!"
Cally looked up from the socket she was working on. "Dee. What are you doing down here?"
Dee shifted. "You've heard about the Cylons?"
"It took about five minutes to circulate the ship," Cally said dryly. She glanced over, and saw Lee Adama leaving a launch tube, along with a contingent of Marines, Colonel Tigh, Sam Anders, and Galen. She shivered.
"Cally, are you… " Dee trailed off, and Cally understood. Are you okay? was just a dumb question when a woman had just supposedly found out the man she'd been married to was a Cylon. She smiled.
"I'm all right, Dee. I just… they didn't airlock him?"
"No." Dee chewed on her lip worriedly. "Starbuck claims that Tyrol, Anders, and Tigh just gave us Earth."
Cally's eyes widened. "Earth?" she said incredulously. "You're joking."
"I didn't say I fully believed it," Dee said, "but I'm not joking. Isn't it funny? We've spent four years dreaming about it and now, maybe it can happen…"
Dee said she didn't believe it, but Cally saw the hope flaring in her eyes, the faith written all over her face. She reached out and squeezed Dee's hand.
"Who knows?" she asked. "Maybe the gods are listening after all."
***
"Hey. Hey you! Toaster frakker!"
Cally kept walking, not looking behind her. She recognized Vireem's voice, and it brought her heart to her mouth and her blood to a boil.
"Cal..lee…" he called, dragging her name out in a sing-song. "Cal… lee…. What do you say, sweetheart? How about giving it up for a real man?"
She knelt down, ostensibly to tie her boot. Vireem stopped behind her; she could hear his breathing. "That's it, huh? Playing hard to get? Playing the innocent? Well, from what I hear, you're not-"
Vireem never got the chance to tell Cally what she wasn't. Cally put all her strength into it, standing and twisting so her elbow caught Vireem hard in the solar plexus. He doubled over, and her knee caught his chin. She pushed him away, and he staggered back against the wall.
"Don't you ever, EVER think you can get away with that again, you frakker," she growled at him. "If you try it again, I will kill you, do you understand me? You keep your frakking hands to yourself!"
There was applause. Cally looked around, startled, and saw several members of the crew watching, clapping. But there were others who looked on darkly, arms crossed, or not commenting. She ignored them, held her head hey, and delicately stepped over Gage's legs. The crowd parted for her, and she continued on her way.
But as she did, she knew she wasn't imagining the anger of some of the crew, or the vindication of others.
***
"Cally."
Cally looked up to see Laird ambling towards her. He looked serious and worried, but then, Laird always looked serious and worried. "Yes, sir?" As he got closer, she spotted the insignia pinned to his jumpsuit. "Sir" was the right word, all right. "Yes, Chief?" she corrected herself, oddly enough feeling like a traitor.
Laird's mouth flicked up in a semblance of a smile, but otherwise he ignored the rank. "I need a hand with Hot Dog's bird. I don't know what he managed to do to the targeting system, but it's a mess."
"Yes, sir." Cally glanced over at the Viper, battle-scarred and weary, even just to the eye. "Ten to one says there's a short in the FTP board."
Laird groaned. "I hope not. That will take hours. But you're probably right. Come on. Let's go see."
There was an odd sort of peace about working with Laird. He lived for his job, and didn't seem to see much outside it. When Cally was working with him, the complicated world reduced itself down to parts and engines, drives and wires.
The beeping of the intercom interrupted them. They both scooted out from under the console, sitting companionably together in the door of the Raptor.
"Women and men of Galactica. People of the Fleet." Adama's voice filled the hangar bay. They all froze, the solemnity of the moment obvious just from the tone of the Admiral's voice. "Three years ago, I promised to lead you to a new home. We've endured a difficult journey. We've all lost, we've all suffered, and the truth is, I questioned whether this day would ever come. But today, our journey is at an end. We have arrived... at Earth."
Cally's mouth fell open as the word washed over her. Earth. It was real, it was real… it was real. She sat still on the wing of the Viper for a long moment, her hands curled around the cool metal. Earth.
A cheer began building, echoing through the hangar deck. It snapped Cally out of her trance, and she looked at Laird. He was crying, tears streaking his face as he smiled. He reached out and hugged her, a gesture that she never would have associated with him, and she returned the embrace tightly.
All around them, the hangar deck was exploding with joy. People were hugging, kissing, shouting, laughing, and clapping…. Cally stood on the Viper watching it all, her face nearly splitting from her smile. She saw Danielle reach over and finally kiss Figurski, who looked shocked and predictably delighted. There was a group in the center like a vortex, spinning, drawing people into high fives, hugs, and shaken hands. Beside her, Laird had sat back down and was crying into his hands, shoulders shaking.
Earth.
She closed her eyes and stretched, light radiating through her. She had no idea what awaited them down there on that planet, but it had to be better than this.
***
She let herself into the quarters, even though it was Galen's night with Nicky. He looked up, surprised to see her.
"Hey," he said.
"How are you?" she asked softly.
He blinked, but then nodded. "We're doing okay. Cally-"
She stared at him and Nicky, settled together, sitting on the bed. Her vision began to blur, and to her surprise a part of her wanted to go join them, especially on tonight of all nights. But she didn't move.
"Hey," Galen said, "you okay?"
She nodded. "I am. I just… it's Earth."
"Yeah. I know."
"What's going to happen now? With Nicky?"
He snorted. "You're asking me? You know my answer. We get back together, we sort this all out, and we go on as a family." Cally didn't answer, and he sighed. "But instead of that, let's not make any plans tonight, okay, Cally? We have no idea what Earth is like, or what's going to happen when we get down there. We might all be in some sort of government quarantine, for all we know." She nodded. "I promise you, I'm not going to run off with Nicky, okay?"
She nodded again.
Nicky made a noise, and Galen smiled a little. "Come on," he said, scooting over and setting Nicky on the bed. "Come sit with us, just for a bit."
Cally wasn't sure, but her feet drew her there anyway. She settled on the bed, not touching Galen, but with Nicky sitting between them. Nicky smiled up at her and gabbled, and for a moment, Cally almost believed that this was real, and they were a family again.
It wouldn't happen, she thought. She wasn't even sure she wanted it. Galen was a Cylon, a liar, and probably a cheater as well. She didn't think she could forgive any of that. But just for a minute, she wished she could go back to when she didn't know any of that, and they'd been happy.
"What?" Galen asked.
Cally realized she was smiling. "It's nothing," she said. "It's just… I'm probably the only person on this ship hoping that I'll be as happy on Earth as I was on New Caprica."
Galen closed his eyes. "No," he said. "There might be another." He opened them, and then they both turned their attention to Nicky.
***
"Okay, on three," Cally heard someone saying as she made her way to a Raptor. "One, two… three!" She furrowed her brow, because it sounded an awful lot like Hoshi.
"Oh, come on!" Dee said. "Okay, best four out of seven?"
"All right, but this is it," Hoshi warned her.
Cally rounded the corner just in time to hear them counting off, and then doing something that looked an awful lot like 'rock, paper, scissors.' Dee put out scissors, Hoshi put out rock, and he raised his fist in the air. "Yes!"
"Five out of nine?" Dee tried.
"Just face it, the gods are not with you," Hoshi said smugly. "This is my mission, Lieutenant."
"Fine," Dee sighed.
"What's this all about?" Cally asked, shrugging her field jacket on.
Dee sighed. "Adama said one of us has to stay in the bridge," she explained. "He told us to work it out for ourselves."
"He wasn't overly specific as to how," Hoshi said with a huge smile. "Hey, I'll bring you back some Earth flowers, okay?"
"You'd better," Dee groused. "I'd better get back to the great excitement of the CIC." She trudged off.
Hoshi pulled on his own field jacket and hopped aboard the Raptor. "Are you coming, Cally?" he asked.
"I've got a spot," Cally said happily. He held out a hand and she accepted it as he pulled her on in. "Just in case anything goes wrong with the ships down there. Never been so glad that they're all ready for the junk heap."
"That fills me with such confidence."
Cally laughed. "How's Gaeta?" she asked.
Hoshi's smile dimmed for a minute, and then returned, but it looked a little forced. "Improving," he said. "Slowly, but he's improving. And now that we've found Earth…" his smile became a little more genuine. "Things will get better," he said.
"Are you guys okay?" Cally asked, not really liking the forced quality of his answer.
"We are," Hoshi said. "It's just… tough right now." He lifted his chin. "But we'll get through it. We've gotten through enough already, and… we'll get through it."
Cally nodded. She was about to say more, but a few Marines climbed into the Raptor, and Shark and Easy hopped in as well.
"Greetings, ladies and gentlemen," Shark said gleefully. "This is the nonstop, full service shuttle to… drumroll, please, Easy…" She complied, banging it out on the console. "Earth!" Shark finished with a flourish. The Marines cheered, and Hoshi and Cally joined in. The joy was infectious- it was impossible not to feel it.
"So buckle in tight," Shark continued, "and get ready for the ride of your life!"
***
Earth.
There it was, in all its broken glory. Burnt out structures, crumbling buildings, black soot and radioactive waste. Cally stood on the soil, staring around her in horror.
There was nothing here, nothing but ash and poison.
***
She found Hoshi kneeling by the water's edge, a set of jacks in his hand. His hand was shaking, and there were tears in his eyes.
"There were kids here," he whispered. "Children. And they died."
Cally just nodded. She put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged her off. She had no idea what to say, so she turned around and left him alone, the crunch of her boots on the gravel echoing in her ears, punctuated only by a quiet sob.
***
The strange, bleak spell broke when she saw Galen. He was standing against a crumbling wall, staring at it like he was trying to remember. She didn't care.
"You!" she shouted, and she ran at him. She pushed him as hard as she could, and he took a step back. "You! You brought us here! That's what they said! The Cylons gave us Earth! And this is what you gave us?" She swung.
Galen caught her fists. "Cally," he said, his voice cracking, "I didn't know. I didn't…."
"You brought us here!" Cally heard herself crying. "You. You did this. You frakking toasters!"
Galen was saying something, but Cally couldn't hear him. The tears were streaking down her face, hot and wet, and her nose was starting to clog, and her shoulders were hurting as she sobbed. She tried to pound his chest, but he had her hands tightly, and somehow, without her knowing how, he had his arms wrapped around her and she was crying into his chest.
She cried until her body began to protest, and it hurt more to let it out than to keep it in. It was only then that she was aware of Galen's arms around her, and even more, that her arms were around him and that he was stroking her hair. For a moment, it felt good, like those days when Galen had been her rock, her strength. And then she opened her eyes and saw the gray around her, and she pushed him away.
"Cally," Galen said hoarsely, "you have to believe me. I had no idea."
She just stared at him dully. "I don't know what to believe anymore," she said, and she turned and left him by his wall, staring at a blasted and broken past.
***
The Marines were silent as they loaded into the Raptor, and there was no banter between Shark and Easy. Cally thudded herself into her seat, and noticed that Hoshi wasn't there. She was about to say something when he climbed into the Raptor, not meeting anyone's eyes. He sat down in a corner, pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them. One of the Marines reached out and tried to pat his shoulder, but Hoshi shrugged him off.
As Shark and Easy began the pre-flight procedure, Cally heard him whispering, "It's okay. Don't fall apart. It's okay. Just don’t fall apart."
But it was clear that he was.
***
The landing bay was full of confused people when they got out of the Raptor. "She didn't say a word," Danielle told Cally angrily as Cally climbed out of the Raptor. "Neither she nor the Admiral said a word. She just shook her head and ran. What happened down there?"
Cally took a deep breath. The crying fit on the beach had loosened her chest, and she could talk now. "It's nuked," she said. "The entire planet. It's completely uninhabitable."
"Frak." Danielle reeled backwards. "You're sure?"
"They're going to do more tests," Cally said, "but it looked bleaker than New Caprica."
"Gods." But Danielle seemed strangely calm about it. Cally realized she'd never heard Danielle talk about Earth. Which was odd- Danielle had always struck her as something of a dreamer. But then, Danielle was the one with clear enough eyes to see that Figurski- older, fatter, meeker, but kind and considerate and respectful Figurski- was a catch these days, and she went after it. Cally suddenly realized that Danielle was much more practical than anyone had given her credit for.
"How'd 718 hold up on the way down?" Danielle asked her.
Cally blinked. "You know, I barely noticed," she said. "We'll have to take it out again later."
Danielle nodded. Her eyes were fastened on Cally's, two anchors in this strange storm. "Maybe we can try a few jumps, see what the frak is up with that FTL drive."
"Right." Cally felt the world straightening out again. It didn't make it better- Earth was still a black, bleeding hole in her- but she clung to her work as a way to cope. "Right," she said with more confidence. "Let me go check on Nicky, and then we'll see if we can get this damn Raptor sorted once and for all."
Danielle smiled. It wasn’t her bright, usual smile, but it was something. "Great. See you in two hours?"
"Two hours," Cally confirmed.
***
She was on her way to her own quarters when she passed Dee and Gaeta, who were just coming off their shifts in the CIC. "What happened?" Dee demanded.
Cally wondered why the hell she was the one constantly repeating this story. She'd already had to tell three other groups in her trek to her quarters. There didn't seem to be any official word yet. She burned with resentment at having to be the one to deliver bad news, to break people's hearts.
And looking at the stubborn hope on Dee and Gaeta's faces, Cally knew she had to do it again.
As she told them, she saw them both break. Dee's eyes filled with tears, and Gaeta's hands tightened on his crutches. Cally had the presence of mind to take him by the elbow and lead him over to a crate so he could sit, but Dee stood helplessly in the middle of the corridor, her chin trembling. Gaeta bent over, burying his face in his hands for a long moment. For some reason, the sight of Gaeta, who never deviated from calm, cool, and collected, breaking like that hit Cally, and hit her hard. Once again, her throat closed and the angry tears surfaced.
Then Dee was next to her, clinging to her hand. "It's really dead?" she asked Cally. "It's really that bad?"
"I guess so," Cally said, wiping at her face. "It sure looked it."
Dee looked at Gaeta, who was still sitting on the crate with his face buried in his hands. "Where's Louis?" she asked.
"Oh, gods, I don't know." Cally looked over her shoulder. "He was in my Raptor, and I'm pretty sure he got out, but…."
"I'll find him." Dee squared her shoulders, and Cally saw that same thing she had felt- a task was giving Dee some purpose, some way to survive the worst of this shock. "I'll go find him. Will you stay with Felix until I get back?"
Cally nodded, and Dee hustled off. Cally didn't know what to do, so she sat down on the crate next to Gaeta. He didn't really move at first, but finally he dropped his hands to his side.
"So that's it," he said dully. He snorted. "All this time, I knew that the Admiral didn't really know where we were going. But I still thought… I mean, I'm not religious, but the Scrolls have a basis in fact. And even if Earth wasn't inhabited by the thirteenth tribe, I thought we'd at least find someplace habitable. That we could be done, that we could start lives, and at least if the Cylons came along and blew us all to hell, we'd die happy."
"Yeah," was all that Cally could think to say.
"What a frakking waste," Gaeta said.
Cally was saved from having to say anything more by Dee returning with Hoshi. He must have been on his way for her to have found him so quickly. He looked different than he had on the Raptor; more collected, more at peace. He saw Gaeta and immediately came towards him. Gaeta struggled to standing, leaning heavily on the awkward prosthetic, but Hoshi caught him before he could fall. They stood together, silently embracing in the middle of the corridor. Cally exchanged looks with Dee, and Dee cocked her head for them to leave.
"It's just as well," Cally said quietly. "I need to check on Nicky before I get back to the hangar bay."
"What are you going to do?" Dee asked.
"Work until I can't work anymore," Cally said. "What about you?"
"I don't know," Dee said helplessly. "I just can't… I wanted so badly to go down there, and is it awful I'm glad I didn't?"
"No," Cally said. "Then you don’t have the pictures in your mind. It's probably better." She knew she was only beginning to process what she saw on Earth, and it would be haunting her nightmares tonight.
Dee sighed. "I think we're going to need alcohol later."
"Lots of alcohol," Cally agreed. "I'll tell Danielle, and we'll meet you after we're done our shift."
"I'll let Seelix, Racetrack and Caroline know," Dee agreed. "Hell, if they're not on duty, I'll even see if Hoshi and Gaeta want to drink themselves into oblivion with us."
"Sounds good." Cally sighed and scrubbed her face with her hands. "I'd better go check up on Nicky and get him settled."
"Good luck."
Cally shook her head. "It will be the easiest part of my day. He's got no frakking clue as to what's going on."
"I envy him," Dee sighed.
"Yeah. Me, too."
***
The hangar deck was still chaos when Cally made it back an hour and a half later, Nicky safely ensconced in the daycare. It wasn't even an organized chaos- just a mess of people.
"Oh thank gods," Danielle said when she spotted Cally. "Let's get working on our Raptor. This place is-" before Danielle could finish, there was a loud crash. Cally spun around, and as she did so she heard yelling. Two deckhands were getting into a fistfight.
"Come on," Danielle said, but Cally was already charging over, looking for Laird or Galen. But neither of them seemed to be on deck.
"That's enough!" she shouted over the din. No one seemed to hear her. She took a deep breath. "SHUT THE FRAK UP!"
The two combatants stilled just long enough for Cally to squeeze through the crowd and between them. She put her hand on each one's chest and pushed them apart. "This is not the way this deck operates!" she shouted, loudly enough to roughen her throat. She noticed that one of the fighters was Vireem. She got up in his face. "You know I can kick your ass any time I want, so you will get back to work right frakking now before I prove it."
"Oh yeah?" Vireem loomed over her. "All right. Prove it."
Oh, shit. Cally tensed, bringing her fists up. "Fine," she said, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"She doesn't have to prove anything," Galen said, "and neither do you. Everyone get the frak back to work. If you want to fight, go ahead and fight, but not on the deck where you can break any of the few parts we've got left. You got it?"
There were murmurs- some of respect, some of dissent- and the crowd began to dissipate.
"You didn't have to step in," Cally muttered.
"Yes I did. Even though he's an ass, Vireem can at least turn a wrench, and you biting the fingers off his hand takes away the only use that waste of oxygen has."
"Yeah, well." Cally couldn't really argue with that. She brushed her hair back. "Danielle and I are going to grab a pilot and see about 718."
Galen groaned. "That’s still giving you guys trouble?"
"Still. Want to plug your circuit board in and commune with it?"
He stared at her for a long moment, and then gave a short laugh. "Only you, Cally," he said. "Go ahead. I think you're the one person I don't need to worry about on this deck. Just tell me what you guys come up with, okay?"
"Got it." She gave a half-hearted salute and made her way back to where Danielle was waiting.
"What was that all about?"
"He's taking a moment to play deck chief," Cally sighed. "Can't imagine he's going to be here long, though. Those toasters are going to have a lot to answer for in terms of Earth."
"Come on," Danielle said, a little too sharply. "I got Racetrack. She said she'd take us out."
"Great. Seriously. What the frak is wrong with this Raptor, anyway?"
***
They drifted out into the darkness, the Fleet all around them. Danielle looked out the front window and sighed. "I wonder what it's like on the other ships," she said.
"It's got to be better than Galactica," Racetrack groused. "Frak, just about anywhere is better than here right now." She flipped a switch and then turned her head in disgust. "I just wish we could get that frakking planet out of our sight right now. It's like the biggest frakking tease, and I get sick just looking at the damned thing."
"Can we try a jump?" Cally asked her, ignoring the rest of the conversation as fixedly as she could. "Just a small one."
"Yeah. Let me put in the coordinates…" Racetrack entered them rapidly. "And jump." Cally swallowed as the tiny craft made the jump. In the past few years she'd gotten used to it on the Galactica, but jumping in the Raptors still made her nauseous. She stared at the data outputting on the ECO console.
"Frak," she said, studying it. "We're drifting."
"Yeah," Racetrack sighed, checking her own readings. "Not by much, but it was a small jump."
"Try one more," Cally ordered.
Racetrack obeyed, and suddenly, the Zephyr was right in front of them. Danielle and Cally both screamed, but Racetrack kept her head and turned the Raptor just in time.
"Frak," Cally panted. "It's the PC12N chip. That's the only thing that would do something like this." She sighed and fell back into her seat. "It's frakked."
"What's that mean?" Racetrack asked. "Junk heap?"
"Fleet traffic," Cally declared. "Unless we've got a spare chip."
"Great."
The news only seemed to depress Racetrack further, but as she piloted back to the Galactica's landing bay, Cally felt an odd sense of triumph. Raptor 718 had been off for so long… it felt good to finally have figured it out. A small triumph on a day of colossal disappointment, but it kept her going.
***
"Hey Cally," Danielle said as they left the hangar deck, "are you going by the officer's quarters at all?"
"Yeah, I need to go to the daycare just to check on Nicky before we go out. Why?" Cally asked.
"Dee said she'd leave a white dress on her bunk for me. I'd go get it but…" Danielle gestured down at her coveralls, which had been completely covered by an oil spill after they'd gotten back. Her nails were still black as well, and there were specks all over her face.
"Yeah. Especially since you said the dress was white. I'll bring it back to the racks for you."
"Thanks, Cally. I'll meet you there."
She arrived at the officer's racks just as Gaeta was leaving. His cheeks were flushed, and although he looked exhausted, a ghost of a smile lingered at the corners of his lips. His uniform jacket was unbuttoned, and he was struggling with the crutches and the heavy hatch.
"Let me get that for you," Cally offered.
"Thanks," Gaeta said. He struggled out, not looking at her. Cally imagined it must be extremely hard for him to accept help. He didn't say any more, just started down the hall. Cally shrugged and headed in.
She supposed she wasn't surprised to see Hoshi standing near his bunk, wearing his tanks and buttoning up his pants. But what was surprising was that the aura of peace that Cally had noticed in the hall was even stronger around him, and he was humming.
"You're glowing," she said suspiciously.
"Am I?" He opened the locker and pulled out his jacket. Cally noticed there were some pictures hanging inside, and stepped a little closer. He sensed her proximity and handed her one. "Remember I told you about them? That's Bob and Katrina." Cally studied the picture. They were a kindly looking couple; he was a tall, lean, dark-skinned man, and she was an equally tall, extremely beautiful redhead. He smiled and took the picture back, putting it in its place. "I never knew what either of my parents looked like, but once I tried to pretend that they really were my parents. I couldn't make myself believe it, but gods, I wished it."
Cally nodded and let her eyes drift back to the pictures. There was another picture of Hoshi with what looked like some of the brass from the Pegasus, and a picture of Hoshi with Gaeta. Cally's eyes widened. "I think that's the best picture I've ever seen of either of you," she said.
Hoshi touched it gently. "I know," he said. "We're both smiling. Really smiling. It feels like that was so long ago. We had no idea of what was in front of us."
"Well, none of us does," Cally said. She stepped back and glanced over the racks until she spotted Dee's dress, neatly laid out for Danielle. She picked it up.
Hoshi was still looking at the picture, his fingers lingering gently on Gaeta's face. "Hey, Cally?"
"Yeah?"
"If something ever happens to me, can you make sure that they use that picture on the wall? The one of me and Felix?"
"Don't talk like that," Cally scolded him. But she sighed. "I will. I have to go check on Nicky. Are you guys coming drinking with us?"
"Felix is. I'm not. Give Nicky a kiss for me, will you?" Hoshi said.
"All right. I'll see you later." Cally smiled at him and stepped out of the room, closing the hatch behind her. As she headed down the hall, she saw Gaeta struggling back towards the racks. "Forget something?" she said.
"Yeah, I needed a-" a sound that sounded far too much like a gunshot interrupted him. Cally froze, and her eyes met his.
"That wasn't-"
"No, it couldn't-"
They both turned, and Cally began to run back to the officer's racks. The hatch was unlatched, and she yanked it open. She managed to get two steps in before she stopped short, her hand over her mouth in a futile attempt to stop her own scream.
"What happened?" Gaeta said right behind her. Cally wanted to turn around and block his view, but she couldn’t move and he fumbled around her. "No! NO!" Gaeta maneuvered over to Hoshi's body crumpled on the floor, a pool of blood growing around it. "No, Louis, baby… no," he cried, managing to kneel down beside Hoshi. "You're okay. You're going to be okay. We'll get you a medic, baby, and you'll be okay." Cally realized with growing horror that he was picking up bits of brain and trying to put them back into Hoshi's head.
"Somebody get a medic!" he shouted, but it was too late. Hoshi was dead, and no medic was going to save him.
And once again, Cally found herself crying.
On to Part 4
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-02-12 01:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-12 02:00 pm (UTC)Yeah, this hurt to write. Usually I write Hoshi as a survivor, because he saw terrible things in canon and still made it to the end, but then I realized that actually, Hoshi was somewhat suicidal by the end. He just got sent back from the mission. But I really think the show should have developed Hoshi a little more and used him for the suicide. Especially since Dee didn't seem to have much of an effect on anyone, anyway. (Seriously- they did a good job with Cally's death affecting Galen and Ellen's death affecting Saul, but would it have killed them to have Dee's death really affect anyone, or Felix's? I think Dee's death affected Felix some, but I think Hoshi (if they'd had their act together) would have been the more powerful one anyway.
And yup. Raptor 718 is still frakked. ::pets Felix:: I'm afraid his story doesn't change too much.
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Date: 2010-02-12 02:09 pm (UTC)I was afraid that was the direction this was going. ::Sigh:: I'm going to have to write my alternate mutiny ending where Zarek doesn't kill the Quorum and they have some things to say to Adama & Roslin.
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Date: 2010-02-12 03:52 pm (UTC)On the other hand, I was very, very happy that the ladies' table at Joe's existed and was getting together again after Earth. I remember watching "The Ties That Bind" how horrible I felt for Cally when she was walking down the corridor to the launch tube with Nicky when it hit me that she had absolutely no one she could talk to: she couldn't trust Tyrol, Jammer and Socinus dead, Seelix a pilot and gone on a mission... Galactica had always been a "family," and yet she was so oppressively alone. I'm glad she has people in this world.
It was so interesting to see Earth's discovery from this angle, particularly the aftermath and Cally having to tell everyone who was left out of the loop. I also liked seeing how well Danielle handled it, showing that not everybody had pinned all their hopes on Earth.
But yeah, I'm still sniffling over Hoshi. :(
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Date: 2010-02-12 04:18 pm (UTC)That being said, badass Cally is awesome
Vireem can at least turn a wrench, and you biting the fingers off his hand takes away the only use that waste of oxygen has.
Oh Chief, these are the times I love you. <3
The way you write her, I think I would end up being Danielle if I'd been in the fleet.
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Date: 2010-02-12 05:37 pm (UTC)Resurrection Hubs and kidnapped Presidents were worrisome, but Cally was used to knowing only part of the story and having to live her life anyway.
Awww...
"Open minded?" Cally demanded incredulously. "This isn't a matter of a different religion or a different planet! It's not like the Sagittarons or something! It's-"
YES!!! THIS! Augh! Sorry, this hit my Cally-hate nerve (I hate Cally-hate), but so many people who argue that she should have reacted differently when meeting with Boomer on New Caprica, for example, don't take into account that this is MORE than just a disagreement and Cally should be more open-minded.
In other words, yay for that statement and I like everything about it.
I'm reacting as I'm reading this the second time, by the way. So now all of Cally's interactions with Hoshi are just devastating. *sniffles*
This whole chapter was painful, actually. Revealing the four cylons in the fleet, getting to Earth and having that hope ripped away...
There was applause. Cally looked around, startled, and saw several members of the crew watching, clapping. But there were others who looked on darkly, arms crossed, or not commenting. She ignored them, held her head hey, and delicately stepped over Gage's legs. The crowd parted for her, and she continued on her way.
More dual reactions from me--YES, this is my Cally who BIT A GUY'S EAR and YOU DESERVE IT, VIREEM and I hate it that there are those who approved of Vireem and anything he ever did.
She saw Danielle reach over and finally kiss Figurski, who looked shocked and predictably delighted.
Aw, I love how you've set this up since the beginning to reflect that moment on the show.
Cally realized she was smiling. "It's nothing," she said. "It's just… I'm probably the only person on this ship hoping that I'll be as happy on Earth as I was on New Caprica."
Galen closed his eyes. "No," he said. "There might be another." He opened them, and then they both turned their attention to Nicky.
Poor broken family. Nice balance again here--Cally has her reasons for the divorce but I like this moment.
Oh, now I'm up to nuked Earth and I should really have seen Hoshi's death coming because you put in some obvious clues, but I missed them completely. Willfull blindness, probably. And a complete lack of desire to go back and revisit Dee's fate in the show itself.
Danielle and Cally planning to work on the Raptor after the horrible news is just... um, brb, I got something in my eye.
"That's enough!" she shouted over the din. No one seemed to hear her. She took a deep breath. "SHUT THE FRAK UP!"
Hee! Another classic Cally moment revisited here. I love it.
"You didn't have to step in," Cally muttered.
"Yes I did. Even though he's an ass, Vireem can at least turn a wrench, and you biting the fingers off his hand takes away the only use that waste of oxygen has."
I actually laughed out loud at Chief's mention of biting fingers.
And now I'm at that ending again and oooh, nooooooooooo.
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Date: 2010-02-12 07:27 pm (UTC)Yup. This is the one. It actually hurt me to write that suicide scene. (Although it was a little better than trying to do Dee's, which I couldn't do at all.)
That really hit me, too, how alone Cally was. I don't know if was intentional on their part or not, but I felt for her. By season 4.0, so many people seemed so alone. I really missed the family vibe. I know they couldn't stay a family after NC, but I think they could have healed a little better... plus, women friendships just didn't seem to exist. :P
Thanks!
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Date: 2010-02-12 07:29 pm (UTC)Badass Cally is SO. Much. FUN! I love her- I think the moment I started liking Cally was in Bastille Day, when she bit her would-be rapist's ear off. She's not a mean person, but something like that?
I miss loving Chief. One of the fun parts about writing this fic is that since Cally doesn't die, Chief doesn't go completely over the edge and turn into the utter asshole he was in 4.5.
And thanks on Danielle. I like her very much- she's very clear-eyed, very empathetic, and in some ways, she'd make an awesome teacher.
Glad you're enjoying it!
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Date: 2010-02-12 07:41 pm (UTC)YES!!! THIS! Augh! Sorry, this hit my Cally-hate nerve (I hate Cally-hate), but so many people who argue that she should have reacted differently when meeting with Boomer on New Caprica, for example, don't take into account that this is MORE than just a disagreement and Cally should be more open-minded.
Thanks! One of the things I really think that RDM failed in a bit was recognizing the scope of his apocolypse. He had a lot of 9/11 elements in it, which in many ways I agree with. But at the same time, there are major differences between 9/11 and what the Cylons did. For one, 9/11 cost a lot of lives, but not all but 50K lives. I mean, I can imagine forgiving someone who killed my sibling or my parent. I can even imagine forgiving someone who killed my husband. I can almost (but not quite) imagine forgiving someone who killed my sons. (I can imagine it better if they were more fully grown.) But I just can't imagine forgiving someone who killed ALL of them, plus all of my friends and all of my enemies. At least the people on the military ships had the bonds they had with each other. Can you imagine how some of the people on the transit ships must have felt? But more than that, in 9/11, there ARE innocent people of Arab descent. A vast majority of them. The people responsible for 9/11 are a small group and we should remember that. But all of the Cylons voted for this genocide. They all perpetuated it. And not one single one of them- even Athena- has said "I'm really sorry for what we did." That bugs the hell out of me that we're supposed to be so forgiving when in this case, the racists actually are right in what they're saying (although I give the Final Five a pass).
The other thing that drives me nuts about the way people react to the scene in the cell on NC between Cally and Boomer is the fear Cally must have been feeling. I mean, think about it. What are the odds that they had a lot of baby formula on New Caprica? Really, really low, right? So, realistically, Cally was nursing. She was probably terrified that if something happened to her, Nicky really would die. (Even if they had some formula, getting Nicky to take the bottle would be hard.) Plus, the poor girl was probably as engorged as hell. I challenge ANYONE to be civil when they're as engorged as Cally must have been. That HURTS. (And I am so working this in somehow- I just haven't figured out where yet.)
Cally taking on Vireem is something I really wish had happened, and is also building up to something I just want to say later, as to why Gaeta is not completely responsible for Vireem, and why Gaeta would have done something like that. (Because I don't think Gaeta wanted Sharon raped, even if he realized Vireem would threaten that.)
Glad you're enjoying it! :)
no subject
Date: 2010-02-12 09:58 pm (UTC)It's worth noting that this is exactly the same kind of prejudice and anger that led Cavil to nuke the colonies in the first place. There were no humans who weren't part of a society which rose on the backs of enslaved Cylons, after all, nor were there any humans who apologized for treating the Cylons like less-than-human appliances, even after they knew better. Just as the Cylons thought they could just walk away from genocide, the Colonials pretty clearly thought they could walk away from what they'd done to the Cylons... until it turned out the other side wasn't ready to forgive and forget.
Personally, I think the mutual hatred (though perhaps not the actions it led to) was justified on both sides. But seeing as how only one side actually succeeded in wiping out the other's culture -- and it wasn't the Cylons -- I find it pretty hard to applaud Cally's sentiment, as justified as it is. I still don't think the show ever gave a reason why the Cylons were worse than the humans, nor less deserving of forgiveness; seems to me that they were both murderers and destroyers of the highest degree. I kinda thought this was the meaning of Laura's jump visions during The Hub -- if even Baltar must be forgiven because "if humanity is going to prove itself worthy of surviving, it can't do it on a case-by-case basis. A bad man feels his death just as keenly as a good man", and the Cylons are the Thirteenth Tribe, this would seem to suggest that even they can't easily be forsaken.
Except by the writers, apparently. :P
I'll be the first to admit that I like this sort of moral ambiguity more than most, though... I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-12 10:40 pm (UTC)The suicide scene was tough... poor Hoshi. I have a hard time imagining that he'd do it with Felix right outside in the hall, but then again, Dee did the same. Frak Earth!
I have to say I really like the idea of Galen being less of a horrible guy in the end. The Chief was always one of my favorites, but between Nicky, Cally, and Tory, I think season 4 wrecked his character. It's like the writers deliberately chose the most selfish and hurtful way for him to react to everything. :(
I also like the Figurski/Danielle stuff -- the idea that the kiss was more than just a single YAY EARTH moment is interesting and believable. I always thought the deck gang were much more practical, everyday people than the pilots or the bridge bunnies... too bad we didn't get to see more of them on the show.
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Date: 2010-02-13 01:40 am (UTC)I definitely like the moral ambiguity- I guess my point is I just wish the writers had included MORE of it. If we'd been presented with the final version of the Cylons and their position on the genocide earlier, rather than the constant retcons of who was in on it, I'd be more inclined to be forgiving myself. But the way it was initially set up... it was very much "Go genocide!" And given how many years it had been since the first Cylon war and all the people who had been born since.... There's more of a case for human innocence than Cylon. (But then, the Cylons also started out by snapping a baby's neck. That just was a moment I can't forget, given the hormones I had going when I watched it for the first time :) )
I don't necessarily agree with Cally- I'm more along the lines of Helo that genocide is never the answer- but at the same time, if I was in her shoes I'm not sure I wouldn't be saying the same thing. Not flattering, but true.
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Date: 2010-02-13 01:45 am (UTC)I have a hard time imagining that he'd do it with Felix right outside in the hall, but then again, Dee did the same.
On the one hand, I hate to say it, but Felix just didn't matter much once Hoshi broke. He said his goodbyes and then... But to Hoshi's credit, he thought Felix was a lot further away, I think. Felix did turn around and backtrack and had almost made it back to the racks.
The Chief was always one of my favorites, but between Nicky, Cally, and Tory, I think season 4 wrecked his character. It's like the writers deliberately chose the most selfish and hurtful way for him to react to everything. :(
I HATED what they did with Galen in 4.5. I blame it all on them taking away Cally, so without Tory murdering Cally, we can have a far less assholish Galen. Galen started being my favorite character in the miniseries when his guys were being killed because they had to shut the door or so many more people would die, and he didn't lose that spot until Felix held a gun to Baltar in Exodus 2. (This might be the reason I ADORE Collaborators. Two of my favorite characters getting to do some awesome stuff.) But 4.5... I HATED Chief, and I couldn't believe it. Just like Adama. So, no hating Chief in this story. Just like the girls deserve to have their characters unfridged and unassassinated, so does Galen :)
I wish we'd gotten to see more of the deck gang as well- they seemed like a pretty awesome bunch.
Thanks for reading a commenting!
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Date: 2010-02-13 01:53 am (UTC)Somewhat random thought: I wonder if Adama (and to a lesser extent Lee) not having as much of an issue about the alliance as a lot of other people was due in part to the fact that they just didn't lose as much as almost everyone else did. Aside from Zak, who'd been dead a couple years, everyone he cared most about survived: Lee, Tigh, and Kara. Just a thought.
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Date: 2010-02-13 05:11 am (UTC)Well, of course. I'm not sure there's such a thing as a reluctant genocide. If you're going to go that frakkin' far, you gotta be in it to win it, as Cavil (or D'Anna!) might say. That said, I think season 1 & 2 and The Plan made it clear that all the Cylons, including the Ones, were not familiar enough with humanity to fully understand their own actions. Just as the humans thought it was OK to enslave the Cylons because they were "just machines", the Cylons pretty clearly thought it was no big deal to destroy the Colonies because they were "just humans". Cally's "it's not like they're from Sagittaron" line could apply equally to the season-one Cylon POV -- well, it's not like they're Eights or Twos or something, they're the Evil Humans and they have to go.
I'm not sure that fifty years is enough to count as a statute of limitations on war and slavery, either. The wealth and unification of the Twelve Colonies was itself a direct result of the Cylon War -- you can't build your entire society on something on the one hand, and then claim non-responsibility for it on the other. I think this is part of what Adama meant in his washing-of-hands speech in the miniseries. He'd been in the previous war, and he understood that the lives his younger officers were living came at a price that might have to be paid... a price the Cylons chose to demand in blood.
I don't necessarily agree with Cally- I'm more along the lines of Helo that genocide is never the answer- but at the same time, if I was in her shoes I'm not sure I wouldn't be saying the same thing. Not flattering, but true.
heh, I definitely agree that Cally's got the right to say it, and I don't know whether I'd be any different, either. But the whole "the racists were right" thing applies to both sides, that's all I'm saying. The Cylons had just as many reasons to hate and fear the humans -- we just never got to see them, because the story was told from the human point of view. I suspect that the Colonies may seem a lot less "innocent" once Caprica is finished...
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Date: 2010-02-13 05:20 am (UTC)"Open minded?" Cally demanded incredulously. "This isn't a matter of a different religion or a different planet! It's not like the Sagittarons or something! It's-"
Seconding the love for this line. I want Cally's perspective on the Cylons to change, but dammit, she's not wrong!
Oh fun, team rape! :D Well, they really are fun; they give Cally an excuse to kick ass AND Chief the best line ever. They are so wonderful to hate. *hisses at them*
Cally realized she was smiling. "It's nothing," she said. "It's just… I'm probably the only person on this ship hoping that I'll be as happy on Earth as I was on New Caprica."
Galen closed his eyes. "No," he said. "There might be another." He opened them, and then they both turned their attention to Nicky.
*melts*
...Stop that. Stop it now. *repeats* I don't want them to get back together I don't I don't I don't...
Ahh. Hoshi's suicide was hard to take, because of course we could see it coming, but so well-done. :/
I don't remember much about the webisodes, and I had thought that maybe Cally being around to figure out something was wrong with the Raptor would save Gaeta, but skimming the comments I see probably not. So much for my mindreading abilities!
I love this story so much. I knew you'd make it great but you've exceeded even my high expectations. Thank you so much!!
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Date: 2010-02-13 07:05 am (UTC)Wait, wait. I thought he did it so he could be Mommy's Special Boy again. Jane Espenson wouldn't lie to me!!! ;)
There were no humans who weren't part of a society which rose on the backs of enslaved Cylons, after all, nor were there any humans who apologized for treating the Cylons like less-than-human appliances, even after they knew better.
I don't really think this is equivalent. The Cylon War ended 40 (IIRC) years before the attacks on the 12 colonies. That means that everyone under the age of about 60 who died in the attacks was either not born or too young to be responsible when the war and the events leading up to it took place. Yeah, they were part of that society - but there's still a huge moral difference (to me) between being, through no choice of your own, a member of a society that sometimes does bad things (which is true of everyone on the face of the, erm, Earth *g*) and doing those things yourself. Most of the time when we talk about 'prejudice,' we're talking about generalizing from the group to the individual; "my ex screwed me over so I hate all women." So holding the Cylons responsible for what they actually did in their own individual capacities doesn't strike me as prejudice. It may be totally useless and counter-productive, mind you, but not prejudiced. Whereas condemning the FF or, clearly, Hera or Nicky (totally a Hybrid) would be.
I'll be the first to admit that I like this sort of moral ambiguity more than most, though... I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this.
I remember you said this in a comment in my journal once, and I meant to answer you but got distracted. :) Anyway, I appreciate that you're into moral ambiguity, but I don't think it's entirely accurate to frame the other side as anti-ambiguity. (I'd say I think most BSG fans are pro-moral ambiguity, but... I've read the Skiffy boards. Still, I think a lot of us are.) I don't think the only morally ambiguous position is one that says "there's a conflict between two sides, so both must be equally right and equally wrong." I think it's possible to see one's actions as significantly worse than the others, and still think that they have their own nobility and that they're valuable and worth saving. Not that that's an inherently better position than yours, by any means, but it's not one I find lacking in moral complexity.
And wow. That was a lot of tl;dr for a fanfic comment. *scurries off*
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Date: 2010-02-13 08:34 am (UTC)That, too!
I don't think there's any question he hated the humans for what they'd done, though; part of his rationale may have been "because mom thinks you guys are better than me and you're so not! MOM MOM THE HUMANS ARE ON MY SIDE OF THE GALAXY AGAIN!", but he hated 'em.
Yeah, they were part of that society - but there's still a huge moral difference (to me) between being, through no choice of your own, a member of a society that sometimes does bad things (which is true of everyone on the face of the, erm, Earth *g*) and doing those things yourself. [...] Most of the time when we talk about 'prejudice,' we're talking about generalizing from the group to the individual.
I certainly agree in the case of human beings. That said, I'm willing to bet there were many Cylon copies on the Colony, on the Basestars, in the Caprica coffee shop, etc. who never personally harmed a single human, yet they were still "in on it" in a way individual humans cannot be. It makes it much harder to draw these lines fairly when part of the problem is the difference between individual and collectivist societies; if the main moral difference here isn't that the Cylons committed genocide, but that they all did so (i.e. they did it like Cylons), then that seems kind of tautological. Bet the Cylons thought that human behavior was worse because "they don't even have consensus, so they were each responsible for enslaving us", etc...
Anyway, I appreciate that you're into moral ambiguity, but I don't think it's entirely accurate to frame the other side as anti-ambiguity.
Sorry. I didn't mean it like that; that was meant as a pre-emptive "please don't hate me" hedge, not an attack because I think anybody here is anti-ambiguity.
I don't personally think the Cylons and humans are "equally right and equally wrong"; in fact, I don't really think "equal" is even a valid word in this situation. I'd say they were both wrong well past the point of no return; even according to their own moral codes, both groups did things that were way off limits, and when you're talking about genocide and total war, it's much too late to call the match on points. I only meant to point out that most of the judgments/excuses/justifications/etc you can make here also apply to the other side, in one way or another, and I think that was pretty deliberate on the part of the writers.
That said, they also very deliberately came down on the side of the humans in the end... to be honest, the main reason why I like to wave my moral-ambiguity flag is because of the show, not the fans. :(
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Date: 2010-02-14 07:07 pm (UTC)Danielle/Figurski is amusing me to no end :) Cally/Chief... I think you'll like the ending I have in mind for them :)
Oh fun, team rape! :D Well, they really are fun; they give Cally an excuse to kick ass AND Chief the best line ever. They are so wonderful to hate.
I know! In their own way, they are fun, because every now and then you just need someone to be that blackhatted villain. I have problems with TPTB black-hatting Zarek, but these two? Nope. Make em total assholes- I'm totally fine with that. Because hey- some people just are.
Cally working with Raptor 718 definitely influences some of what's coming, but sadly, it does not save Gaeta. One of my regrets about making Hoshi commit suicide is then it does kill off all the canon LGBT characters. (Which is part of why I made Caroline a lesbian.) But I guess since Hoshi wasn't gay until well after the series wrapped anyway... ::Sigh::
Thanks so much, and I'm really, really glad you're enjoying this! I'm having a blast writing it :)
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Date: 2010-03-06 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-07 07:34 pm (UTC)I know, I was mean this chapter. ::sigh:: Thanks!
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Date: 2010-04-05 03:47 am (UTC)Awww, FRAK. I even saw that coming with Hoshi as soon as he was on the beach with the jacks. :-( Poor Felix!! :-( :-(
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Date: 2010-04-05 03:50 am (UTC)I was afraid of that. :-(
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Date: 2010-04-06 01:09 pm (UTC)And yeah... I feel for Hoshi and Felix in this. ::hugs them::