Little Goodies

[lls_mutant]

First, a double happy birthday, and to two of my favorite writers! Happy birthday to topaz_eyes and ignipes!!!! Hope you both have fantastic ones!

Because I am a total foodie, I stole this meme from thistlerose

TOP 50 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD TRY A BITE OF IN THEIR LIFETIME
Bold the ones you've eaten. Italicize the ones you dislike.

01. Alligator (Best in sausages)
02. American diner breakfast
03. Australian meat pie
04. Barbecue (Very tasty. Everyone should try.)
05. Barramundi
06. Burgers
07. Caviar (Call me uncouth, but fish eggs are just icky.)
08. Cheesecake
09. Chinese food
10. Chocolate
11. Clam chowder (Manhattan style)
12. Cornish Pasty
13. Crab
14. Cream tea
15. Curry (Depends on the curry if I like it. I HATE the curry powder spice.)
16. Durian fruit
17. Fresh fish
18. Greek food (as long as it's not seafood, I adore Greek food.)
19. Guinea pig
20. Haggis
21. Ice cream (Especially Godiva, or homemade stuff. Homemade vanilla with fresh strawberries...)
22. Jerk chicken/pork
23. Kangaroo
24. Kebab
25. Lamb (I love lamb, and really wish I could eat it more often!)
26. Lobster
27. Mango
28. Mexican food
29. Moreton Bay Bugs
30. Mussels
31. Octopus
32. Oysters
33. Paella
34. Pancakes
35. Pasta
36. Pizza
37. Prawns
38. Reindeer- I've never eaten reindeer, but other game I've tried includes elk (not my favorite), ostrich, and wild boar. (Wild boar is excellent.)
39. Ribs
40. Roast beef
41. Salmon
42. Sandwiches
43. Scallops
44. Shark
45. Squid
46. Steak
47. Sushi
48. Tapas- We went to a tapas restaraunt in Napa Valley. I wish we had a chance to try it again. It was so good, but they were rearranging their menu and didn't have a lot of the things that pulled us in.
49. Thai food
50. Venison

I'm very adventurous, but I REALLY don't like seafood. Can you tell? Shrimp is about the best I can do, and that depends on my mood. I went to Greece when I was in 10th grade, and I tried a TON of seafood over there, hoping to find something I like. No dice. :P I really wish I did!

I'm finally getting back to where I can be more adventurous again. I love trying new things, and there's this restaraunt we really like that serves game. But I've been avoiding any meat I'm not familiar with, because pregnancy and new meats don't go together well if the meat doesn't agree with your system :P I notice frog isn't on here, or dog, or snake (I haven't tried snake yet).


Last night, I posted my response to a silly question about would you rather be in a relationship like R/S or R/T. For some reason, I never considered one answer: I'd rather be single. I suspect this is because of how the question was worded. But it got me thinking, and it got me thinking about some of my friends.



I wonder if one of the reasons I didn't even consider "single" is because it's been years since I've been single. I met Howard back in 1996, and we started dating in 1997. We got engaged in 2000 and married in 2002. We've had what's from the outside been a very dull, boring relationship and from the inside has been an extremely satisfying and happy one. We're incredibly well suited for each other, and while he's not everything I ever dreamed of in a man, that's GOOD, because I suspect that I'd not be as well suited for my dream-man, or he for me.

But I was talking to one of my best friends last night, and she was telling me of the pressure she gets from her married friends to settle down and get married. I'm not sure if I have the right to rant on this subject or not, but I'm going to anyway. :P

I haven't gotten that pressure, I admit. I've been with Howard since right before I turned 23. But I certainly understand the frustration of someone sticking their nose in and telling you how to run your life. (So do most people who have a mother ;) ) Why is there this societal pressure to get married and have babies? Why do we as a society treat women who are single as missing something?

Both of my best friends are single women, and I can't imagine pressuring either of them to find a husband. For the first part, they were both in relationships that weren't good for them at one point. I would much, much rather see them single and not in relationships that make them miserable than stuck back in those days. But more than that, both of these women would like to find someone. But apparently- and this I believe- it is very hard to actually meet someone suitable. Where do you go? (And once you've hit the places where you might find nice men, like joining a church or taking a class, what do you do when you don't meet the right man?) My brother-in-law actually had the same problem. No girls the right age at our church. Meeting women at the gym was harder than he thought. And when you go out to bars, you're more likely to meet the right person for the night than the right person for a lifetime, although you never know. (It's that gambling thing that makes the bar scene attractive. I know of two couples that got married that DID meet at a bar. It's not unheard of.) But even beyond the better-off single and how do you meet someone issues, it seems very rude to pressure a friend to find something that she might want to find already, and just hasn't had great luck in finding the right person. Or maybe she just doesn't want that. Maybe she's happy not being married.

So why is marriage still the default? I'm not suggesting that people shouldn't get married. Not at all. I'm also much more prone to monogomy, myself. But I look at some of my friends who are still single and what they've accomplished in their own lives, and how some people think they've yet to become a true adult or settle down or whatever because they don't have that ring on their finger. It's that unspoken assumption that society has that "if you have not married by X age, you are a FAILURE" that bugs me.

I think that's the reason the pairing frenzy in HBP bugged me, too. Not among the kids, because the kids weren't talking lifetimes. The kids were talking for now, and that's how teenaged relationships should be. And actually, I suppose there weren't THAT many adult pairings- Tonks/Remus and Pince/Filch, who, I totally admit it, I kind of giggled over a bit and thought it was cute. But I'd like to see more adult characters standing single in literature, and not upset over the fact. And I'd really like to see it in kids' literature, because I think it's something our society needs to change.

Marriage IS wonderful... but only if it's what you want and you have the right partner.




In other news, I think I'm not going to be able to wait for Christmas to get myself paid time :) My birthday is soon, and I looked at the cost and it was a lot lower than I thought, and someone actually made me Accio Banana icons that I want to use, and I'm cranky because I just feel big and miserable and icky, and screw it, I'm not waiting! :) So don't be surprised if this journal changes appearance a bit in the next 48 hours! Wheee!

Okay. Must stop procrastinating and write my paper!

Comments

[persephone56.livejournal.com]

*little wave*
Hi there--I wanted you to know I friended you. ;) And that I have started the Accio Brain icons I promised! So, you'll have even more soon. ;)

(About the married thing... as another married woman here: I don't get why people assume single people are missing out on something. Well, they are, but in the same way, so are married people. Each lifestyle has both its perks and drawbacks, but no one ever considers the perks of being single, of which there are plenty.)

[jazzypom.livejournal.com]

And actually, I suppose there weren't THAT many adult pairings- Tonks/Remus and Pince/Filch, who, I totally admit it, I kind of giggled over a bit and thought it was cute.

Eeewww *giggles*

But I'd like to see more adult characters standing single in literature, and not upset over the fact.

Oh yeah. Marriage isn't all that, and there's nothing wrong with being alone, honestly. I wouldn't get married again, that's for sure.

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (All of the coolest people are Scorpios. When is your birthday, anyway? For some reason I have it in my mind that it's tomorrow...is it? It's not listed in your LJ info...)

I'm glad that you posted this thing about single/married, because I was going to write something similar, but it sounds better coming from a married person. The problem with a single woman wondering, "Why is everybody so obsessed with marriage?" is that a whole host of well-meaning but utterly, completely, ridiculously insulting "friends" suddenly pipe up and say, "Oh, you're just saying that because you haven't met the right person yet." GRRRRR.

Where the hell did anybody get the idea that that was a good thing to say to somebody? Because they weren't happy single, they assume nobody else possibly could be, either? Well, that's kind of pathetic. I don't get it. You'd think that the 50+% divorce rate would be a clue that maybe a lot of people are getting married who really shouldn't be.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

::squees:: Thank you :) I had way too much fun with that fic, and for some reason, it seems to be the one everyone knows.

Each lifestyle has both its perks and drawbacks, but no one ever considers the perks of being single, of which there are plenty.

That's exactly how I feel about it. I love being married, but there is something to be said for being able to go out to any movie you chose, to be able to cook with any ingredient you like, or not to have to consult anyone when you're ready to make a decision. There are NICE things about being single, just like there's nice things about being married. It's not all Chef Lonelyheart's soup for one!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Heh. One of the things that Pince/Filch reminds me of is when I was discussing homosexuality with my youth group kids. One of the boys said he didn't have a problem with gay people, but he thought gay sex was gross. The other kids immediately jumped on him for being homophobic, which wasn't the poor kid's point. So I asked them "Think about your grandparents. Now think about them having sex. Is that gross?" (The answer was, obviously, a unanimous YES.) "Just because you think it's gross, do you think it's wrong?" Again, a very unanimous answer of NO. I think they got the point, but it amused me :)

And yeah. I'm very happy married, but I'd be pretty happy single, too. Life's largely what you make of it, and I think if you (Generic you) determine you will be happy single, then you will be happy single. (Marriage can be trickier, but still.)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

You're right it's tomorrow. Thanks for giving me the heads up that it wasn't listed- I thought it was! And hope yours is great! :)

The problem with a single woman wondering, "Why is everybody so obsessed with marriage?" is that a whole host of well-meaning but utterly, completely, ridiculously insulting "friends" suddenly pipe up and say, "Oh, you're just saying that because you haven't met the right person yet."

I've seen that happen to my single friends, and I just. don't. get. it. It's such a patronizing response. I wonder if it's because they feel threatened?

One of the things I really resent about the Cult of the Married is the perception that marriage is not only the default state, but the perfect state, because when I was a kid I bought into it. It took me a while to learn that the fairy-tale relationship just doesn't exist. I didn't settle when I got together with Howard, but I had to re-evaluate my standards because they just weren't realistic. I was expecting him to be a mind-reader, and that for a "perfect" relationship you had to be in sync for everything. That's just not the way it works, and I found myself at first very frustrated with some aspects of our relationship. (It didn't help that I'm 6 years younger, which isn't a big deal now, but was when I was 23 and he was 29.) Fortunately we both had the patience to work through it, but I think I could have thrown away what ended up being an excellent relationship because it didn't meet the fantasy that society imposes on us. We both still struggle with those expectations at times, and it's usually a good thing when we can kick what society thinks to the wind and go by what we need.

I also don't see where people assume that being single means being unhappy and alone. Do these people not have families, friends, and pets? (Because anyone who truly believes that a pet isn't a good friend and companion has never had a worthy pet. We don't have a pet now, but I'd love to get a dog at some point.) My one friend who is single goes out to restaurants that I would love to go to, has an active social circle, has parties, goes on dates sometimes, is active in the church, led a Brownie troop until she decided she was doing too much, and just got back from a 3-day Bahama cruise with some friends. I went down to visit her, and we did a heck of a lot more than just sit around eating Haagan-Daaz and watching videos. (Heh. Amusingly, I went down WITHOUT Howard. He was invited, but opted to decline because a weekend involving shopping and girl talk just didn't really interest him.) But to be honest, her life was more exciting than mine is :) Can't really argue with that!

I'm not at all anti-marriage. In fact, I've been happier the last three years than I've ever been. But I'm definitely anti-pressure to be married! Because if I'd married the first guy who wanted to marry me, things would be very, very, very different now. And not in a good way. :P

[persephone56.livejournal.com]

Well, it's a fun fic to read! shaggydogstail recommended it to me ages ago, and it went straight onto my all-time favorites. Now I've found you, I'll have to read some of your other stuff.

There are NICE things about being single,

Exactly. And it's not just being able to do things the way you like on a day-to-day basis, but being free to explore broader aspects of yourself, to pick up and move to a new town and take a new job, to socialise with many different types of people, etc. etc. etc. There's a lot of personal fulfillment to be had on one's own that's easier to find when single; and there's a lot of constant love and support and security when you're married.

You know, (and though I'd never trade my married life for anything--it suits me very well) I wonder how many married people really do envy their single friends but don't feel as free to say it like single people can say how they envy their married friends. Perhaps the push to get single people married off is more about a married person's jealousy of another person's 'freedom' than about societal norms.

(That said, while I like the R/S ship better, I'd actually live the R/T ship, provided they were my only two choices.)

[sasha-davidovna.livejournal.com]

A big WORD to your Married rant. My mom and I got married at 20 and 21 respectively, which is freakishly young by our family's standards, but we've both been happy so far with our decisions. However, I never, ever felt pressure to get married or have a boyfriend or try to make myself "desirable" and I was utterly appalled when I got to college and heard so many of my friends talking about feeling pushed towards marriage and couplehood, even if they didn't feel ready, and describing their moms nagging them about their clothes or their weight or their "difficult" personality. It was all the more shocking because I went to Grinnell, which is about as radical and liberal a place as you can get and just goes to show how far we as a society still have to go.

Interestingly, as a rule, the more "pushed" a girl seemed to feel, the more likely she was to end up in a terribly unhealthy relationship, just because she felt she had to be in a relationship, any relationship. It makes me ill even now to think about it. :-P

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

ALLIGATOR!?!
WTF? People EAT alligators?!
*is horrified* Aren't those endangered?!

Cool meme, by the way, I'll do it too. >P

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, all the coolest people are Scorpio >P
Eeek your birthday's tomorrow? Awesome! (I've been wondering when it was for a while, since it's not listed...)
I'll draw something! *ignores the list of drawings she has to do already*
:D Do you want anything in particular? If not, I'll draw something maraudery or with baby!Harry which you seem to like :D

excellent rant

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

what a PERFECT way of explaining that to kids!

I think we must be around the same age (met my spouse in 1997, got married 2001). I never remember having pressure to meet someone. I DO remember being lonely enough to be desperate.

However, you aren't in the right mindset to meet someone good for you when one is desperate for company. I really believe that one has to be okay with oneself and one's situation in order to run into someone that is nicely compatable. There's so many other people looking for love that it's THERE, you just have to find the right crowd.

College or grad school is a great place to meet like minded intelligent people.

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

ah, but coming from the "smug marrieds" it's hard for me to say, oh, being single is great! you don't have to put up with someone else's mess and all that stuff, without sounding, well, smug.

that 50% divorce rate was due to the CLUELESS child rearing advice of the 1950's and the whole "sex is forbidden before marriage" thinking -- duh, the South has the highest divorce rate in the States, because people get married too soon and too young. /sticking my foot in my mouth

[gunderpants.livejournal.com]

Crocodile is a delicacy in Australia, but I digress.


I most likely will be getting married in a couple of years time, once Mr Gun finishes his degree. I'm happier with him than I was single, if only because he's someone who gave me a lot of insight and support, but it doesn't necessarily mean I think single people have it any worse off than me. So long as you complain about neither around me, I'll be sweet.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Okay, I just have SO MUCH to say about this topic. I come up against it all the time, too.

When I was a very young child, I had no intention of getting married. I planned a career in theatre, and I had already observed that long-term, monogamous relationships in show business just Never Work Out. (Plus I had my parents' disastrous example of what marriage shouldn't be, and decided to Just Say No.) I think I also came into my sexual identity and my polyamorous inclination fairly young.

So I was convinced early that the probability of meeting someone who a. understood theatre; b. didn't mind me being bisexual; and c. wanted an open marriage, who was also attractive, intelligent, interesting, etc., was pretty unlikely.

I met someone in my first year of college. We got married 4 years later.

Big mistake. Big, big, big mistake. Fifteen months later we broke up, thank the gods. From the moment I decided that divorce was my only real option, it was like a light went on in my brain. "Well, hey!" said the little voice. "You never wanted this *anyway*. What the hell are you doing? Go back to Plan A."

Well, I went back to Plan A, but then I fell into the same damn trap *again*, four years later, once again thinking that I was with someone who could handle the ground rules.

Big mistake. Big, big mistake. Not big, big, big, because I was smart enough this time not to entertain marriage. (He was dumb enough to marry the slut he left me for, which serves them both right, IMO. At least it removes them from the dating pool for the rest of us.)

Anyway, the point is that even if you're committed to an "alternative" lifestyle, the societal pressure to conform is huge. Currently, I'm dating a man who lives 10 hours away from me. We have a basically open relationship, because what else can you do when you're 10 hours apart and neither of you wants a serious commitment? But the problem is that most of the other people in our mutual lives subscribe to the monogamous-and-forever paradigm, so no amount of "No, it's okay. Really," convinces them that they wouldn't be driving a wedge into our relationship by dating whichever of us is concerned. To the rest of the world, to our friends and everyone who knows us as a couple, we are "together." Nothing is supposed to disturb that.

That's not quite the same as "When are you going to get married?" and "Isn't it ever going to get serious?" which are also questions we hear *a lot* - and get tired of deflecting - but it's closely related in my book. Periodically we need to remind each other that we don't have to feel guilty because we're *not* serious. And periodically we have to remind each other that we're *not* serious, and therefore we *shouldn't* make long-term plans together. But that's hard. I think it's a natural state of most people to want stability, and regardless of how easily people move from marriage to divorce, the *ideal* of marriage is still one of stability. This is the person you will be able to count on, forever. You will not have to worry about finding the right person ever again. You will have someone else who has your back, usually, who can function as your partner, who will let the dog out if you're held up at work or who will remember to turn off the TV if you forget.

Even though we know it rarely works that well, there's a tremendous tendency to look for that promise of comfort. And getting comfortable is very dangerous, because it can keep us in relationships that shouldn't continue, and it can point us toward people who probably aren't good for us in the first place, merely because we're searching.

Back when I was getting over my divorce, but before I started dating whats-his-name, Shithead #2, he and I had a quippy exchange at a fencing practice. Someone was seeking advice on dating, and I don't remember what I said, but my not-yet-at-that-time-but-now-ex-boyfriend said, "Yeah, Gwen. Because men really go for that desperate look in a woman."

In one of those moments of perfect bardic clarity (they rarely happen!), I replied: "I'm not desperate; I'm horny. If I were desperate, I wouldn't be horny."

The syllogism works because it's *so* true: the more desperate you get, the lower your standards.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

Ran out of space in the last comment....

The other thing I wanted to say was a huge "WORD" to the whole idea that couples should be free to try one another on for size, as it were, before committing to marriage. I think our whole western attitude toward sex and sex education is just completely backward. I'd love to see us get to the point where there friggin' classes in lovemaking the way there are classes in massage. Think how much healthier we'd all be if we could demystify the whole "getting laid" question, build up our confidence in the bedroom department, and so on, without the risk of getting our hearts ripped out in the process.

Okay, maybe that's a bit too radical. But seriously? The other rule on my list now is "No Virgins." Just Say No.

And someone has to teach the poor woobies how to do it. They don't all come pre-debauched like Snape Harry and Draco.

Re: excellent rant

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

Heh. See my comment below. Gwen's syllogism:

"I'm not desperate; I'm horny. If I were desperate, I wouldn't be horny!"

And yes, I've always firmly believed that dating services, bars, etc., are horrible places to meet people. You've got to do what you like to do and enjoy doing it, and if you meet someone through a common interest, you've got a much better shot.

[thistlerose.livejournal.com]

As a single woman (and happily so) the amount of pressure I get seems to depend on where I happen to be. I got very little when I was in New York, more now that I'm living in a Minnesotan suburb. I know a few girls who are younger than I am, who are married and who have kids already. When I tell them that I'm 25 and single they give me weird looks. Some have asked me when I plan on settling down. "When I feel like it," I tell them.

Oddly, I got the most pressure when I was in Japan. The women with whom I interacted warned me away from Japanese men (interesting!) but urged me to get married after returning to the States. This came up kind of a lot. Japanese women tend to get married fairly young, but... It felt kind of weird.

At this point in my life, I don't want to get married. I don't want children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but there is societal pressure. How many movies end with the heroine happily single? How many love songs are played on the radio? How many times do we hear the phrases "soulmates" and "other half" and "completion"?

I see how many marriages end in divorce. My mother's been married three times, and each time she ended up unhappy. She's going to be 55 this month and she's finally found a guy who seems perfect for her. I approve of him wholeheartedly. He's been married and divorced twice and he's a few months younger than she is. So, there's no such thing as "too late."

I see how many couples stay together even when they're miserable. I see how much money the wedding industry rakes in, convincing young people that they need this, that, and the other thing.

I think it comes down to society's belief that a woman can't or shouldn't function on her own, without a man, that she's got to be someone's daughter, then someone's wife, then someone's mother.

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

The concept of marriage being the ideal comes mostly from religious attitudes. After all, accoring to the Catholic Church, pre-marital sex is a sin, masturbation is a sin, birth control is a sin... Then again, you're only supposed to have sex for the purpose of procreation...

Granted, different religions have different beliefs about sex, but even Orthodox Jewish women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding day or else it's grounds for annulment.

As archaic as many of us feel these attitudes are, marriage is still predominantly seen as a religious institution. Despite the number of non-religious civil unions entered into by heterosexual couples, the arguments against gay marriage always fall back to it being against religious tenets and the religious definition and institution of marriage. Funny that, no?

Being single means rejecting religious convictions on some level, especially when it comes to sex. Not to mention that women who weren't married by a certain age were seen as 'defective' in some way by society - The concept of the 'old maid', the 'wallflower', etc.

On an evolutionary scale, being single and not having children means an end to genetic lines. So from both religious and Darwinian standpoints, being single is not practical, you know? It's also why homosexuality isn't 'practical' either.

And it's always the women who get the most flak for "still being single". It's more socially acceptable for a man to 'not want to settle down', but for a woman, it means that there's something wrong with us - we're defective in some way.

But we've idealized marriage, and much of modern society has made a mockery of it - with the 50% divorce rate despite the religious pressures against divorce (although I find it amusing that you can pay the Church for an annulment - money talks, yeah? Buying off sin. Heh.) Marriage is holy and sacred until we get bored? Divorced people used to be ostracized. Now it's so commonplace we hardly even blink, but it also depends on where you are - Hollywood or some small town within the 'bible belt', you know?

But I do believe that the condescending attitudes towards being single are a direct product of religious beliefs and traditions.

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* I don't think it sounds smug. I'd much rather had somebody at least make an effort to understand why a single young woman really can be perfectly happy, rather than assume outright that she must be putting on a brave face because she hasn't found 'the one.'

And besides, it's true. I don't have to put up with anybody else, and I love it. ;)

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

My cousin just got engaged to this guy that she's known for less than a year, and both my mother and I think it's because she spent the last few years in a relationship that broke up and now she's in her thirties and feeling like she has to get married. Our theory got more weight to it when everyone in our family was all like, "Oh, I'm so glad she's finally found someone, she's getting older, you know..."

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

I think it's a natural state of most people to want stability, and regardless of how easily people move from marriage to divorce, the *ideal* of marriage is still one of stability. This is the person you will be able to count on, forever. You will not have to worry about finding the right person ever again. You will have someone else who has your back, usually, who can function as your partner, who will let the dog out if you're held up at work or who will remember to turn off the TV if you forget.

Even though we know it rarely works that well...

I don't think you can say that marriage on a whole rarely works that well. My life is full of happily married couples who have been together for decades, and though there are definitely people with disasterous marriages, I don't think the idea of happy marriage is an unrealistic one.

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

After all, accoring to the Catholic Church, pre-marital sex is a sin, masturbation is a sin, birth control is a sin... Then again, you're only supposed to have sex for the purpose of procreation...

Actually, that's not technically true. According to the Catholic Church, you're supposed to be open to the possibility of children in your marriage (hence no birth control), but seeing as they condone the rhythym method, they do know that married couples have sex because of reasons other than children.

[gwendolyngrace.livejournal.com]

I think you're misunderstanding me. I know plenty of happily married couples too, and I'm not saying that it's an impossible dream.

But I do think that people who are lucky enough to find that mate are just that: lucky. Most successful marriages take quite a bit of luck and not a little work over the long haul, and yes, I think that they are few compared to the number of unsatisfactory relationships out there, that may be only slightly dysfunctional, but are still less than optimal.

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

Okay, glad I misunderstood you.

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

Forgot the smiley. :D

[aome.livejournal.com]

Various random thoughts, raised by your points above:

1) One of my good friends is a single woman with zero interest in children and a low interest in marriage. I suspect if she found 'the right man' she'd consider it, but it's not a high priority for her. She likes being with someone if they're right for her, yes, but she also values her space. She broke up a few months back with a man she'd been with for about 2.5 years, and in all that time I know she still found it both enjoyable and hard to spend an entire weekend with him, and was always glad to have a bit of time to herself after that. She's just that kind of person. I don't have any problem with her choices and would never dream of pressuring her to marry or have kids since she doesn't want them. It's ridiculous the pressure society puts on people.

2) My uncle married for the first time when he was just short of 50. But he found the RIGHT woman - they'll celebrate 20 years next year, and they're very very well suited for each other. A friend of my husband's is pushing 40 and is still single. He's kind of eccentric, so I'm not entirely surprised he's single, but I know it's bothered him; I don't know if it's societal pressure or just his own desire to hook up. I try to remind him about my uncle.

3) I hate HP fics that have the kids hooking up for life by 18. I'm sure they're written by 14-year-olds, for whom "18" is ancient and all grown up, but I think even if R/Hr (or WHOEVER - pick your ship) fall in deep everlasting love as teens, they probably have a lot of emotional growing up to do before they settle down. Not to mention the war and all. :-P

4) Good point about there not being more fics with adults being contentedly single. The teachers are more likely to be presented in that state, especially the older teachers, but even so. You're right that even I wonder sometimes about the romantic histories of Dumbledore or McG or whomever - not that I think they have to be hooked up with anyone, but I just wonder - did they ever have someone? What happened? Are they with anyone now? Contentedly single? Unwillingly single?

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I wonder how many married people really do envy their single friends but don't feel as free to say it like single people can say how they envy their married friends. Perhaps the push to get single people married off is more about a married person's jealousy of another person's 'freedom' than about societal norms.

Totally agree, actually. Even as I'm really excited about having this baby, a part of me is kind of mourning the life I know now. Every life has its sacrifices and decisions, and when you're married, you're almost expected to think that those sacrifices are totally worth it and have no regrets. That's not even quite right- I don't have regrets. I just want two things that are contradictory, and have to chose which is moer important to me. And that doesn't mean I don't wish I could have the other at the same time!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I wonder how many married people really do envy their single friends but don't feel as free to say it like single people can say how they envy their married friends. Perhaps the push to get single people married off is more about a married person's jealousy of another person's 'freedom' than about societal norms.

Totally agree, actually. Even as I'm really excited about having this baby, a part of me is kind of mourning the life I know now. Every life has its sacrifices and decisions, and when you're married, you're almost expected to think that those sacrifices are totally worth it and have no regrets. That's not even quite right- I don't have regrets. I just want two things that are contradictory, and have to chose which is moer important to me. And that doesn't mean I don't wish I could have the other at the same time!

Re: excellent rant

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Yeah- common interest is MUCH better.

I found that every time I said "Okay, screw love, I'm focusing on something else", that's when the right person for the time came along.

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. And we all know the term for people who rely solely on the rhythm method for birth control... parents. (Well, unless there are medical fertility factors to contend with) But the rhythm method is a very unreliable means of birth control, and the church isn't the one who has to financially support the children born to couples who don't use birth control at their order. So what's the other choice? Abstinence in marriage? They certainly don't approve of oral sex or sodomy as alternatives.

One of the things that irks me about the anti-condom stance that the church takes is that if a man (or a woman) has an affair, (s)he will be forgiven after confession. However, if said person doesn't use a condom (for religious reasons) and contracts AIDS from said affair, what consolation is absolution when the disease is passed to the spouse? Yes, that's a hypothetical situation, but they don't take any of these kinds of things into account in their stance. And it's kind of hypocritical for a group of celibate old men to make and enforce sexual practice and safety policy, you know?

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the birthday wishes! (((hugs))) I had a fantastic day. Lots of chocolate and cake.

Word on your rant re marriage. Nothing about it is simple, and pressuring anyone into it for whatever reason, is wrong.

And good on you for becoming a paid member! I thought the same thing as you did initially, then decided screw it, it's not that expensive. Just the extra icon space is nice.

[persephone56.livejournal.com]

Congrats, BTW. ;) (How exciting!) And yes, that feeling of 'OMG my life isn't going to be my own anymore' when youre expecting/thinking about kids (or marriage, really)... well, I think it's very prevalent and completely natural, even if people don't own up to it. But since people don't talk about those thoughts much, it makes you feel guilty for having them. :/

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with the last comment, which is why I believe society shouldn't push. If people took the time and waited until they were ready and until they found the right person without feeling pressure, I think the divorce rate would be much, much lower. And there's no set time. Some people are ready at a young age, and have met the right person. Others might not meet the right person or feel ready until they're in their 50s.

Stupid society.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't know if they are or not. I doubt it. But I hate alligators, so I'm not nearly as nice and sympathetic as you are! :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

It's been interesting to hear different people's perspectives on this. It's a fun thing about the LJ community- very different life experiences.

It's funny you mention the premarital sex thing, because actually, I think people would be better off the other way around! :) I do think that education should be a huge thing, and I don't like the hang-ups that people can have. But I wish I'd waited more than I did for sex, because I found that it bugs me some in my marriage. Odd, isn't it? Doesn't really bug my husband, and nothing about his past bugs me in a way it shouldn't, but I get bothered about mine.

On the other hand, there's things I either wish I'd done that I will never do now (like I had such a chance to do them before), and I don't know that I would have wanted to be a virgin on my wedding night.

Sex has got to be one of the most confusing things on the face of the planet. :P

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

How many movies end with the heroine happily single? How many love songs are played on the radio? How many times do we hear the phrases "soulmates" and "other half" and "completion"?

This is what bugs me more than anything. Everything pushed the concept of marriage as the Ultimate State.

It's funny, too. I hate hearing soulmate (and it's one of the things that make me cringe about R/S), because while I do believe you can have that kind of bond with someone, I believe it's made, not born. And I think my view is more a tribute to a relationship and more flattering to the participants, as it acknowledges what a commitment a relationship is, and how much work it can be.

My mom's also on her second marriage, but as I mentioned, it's widowhood, not divorce. And watching her find love again is largely what makes me believe that this completion and soulmate stuff is crap to an extent. That, and being in my relationship with my husband. I'm very, very aware that we have what would be considered an excellent relationship, but some days we're just so off sync with each other...

It's interesting that men never get quite the pressure that women do. and I feel like I should have more that's intelligent to say there, but apparently, I don't. Sleep is calling.

[thistlerose.livejournal.com]

We've got this family friend who decided that she had to be married and pregnant before she was 30. Neither of these things had happened by the time she turned 29, so she enlisted the help of this rather expensive Internet match up thing. She met a guy and about four months later they were married. He has a low sperm count, so she got pregnant by artificial insemination. She's going to have twins very soon, and he's too busy playing computer games to visit her in the hospital. She bought him a car. SHE paid for the house they now live in. He quit his job and says he's going to start his own business but that hasn't happened yet. She bought him all his computer equipment. Honestly. Granted, this particular friend is a bit nutty (she alphabetizes the soup cans in her cupboard) but still. She's not happy. Considering the way things have gone, the manner in which she got pregnant, the fact that she's got a successful career (she's a nurse)... Why on earth did she get married?

Why did she think she needed this? It's so sad.

Anyway. Hmm. I've got to write this Remus-and-Tonks-break-up fic for a challenge. I wasn't sure what to do with Tonks after she and Remus call it quits, but perhaps she'll decide to stand on her own for a while?

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

It's ok. But I can't stand the thought of endangered species getting killed to feed people when there are, dunno, cows, rabbits and other stuff which can be easily bred to feed people. :S
Even if alligators are feared by most people. (I find them fascinating, but I wouldn't want to be near one, I'm too much of a coward)