(no subject)

[lls_mutant]

***

The snow that covered Hogwarts on Christmas Eve was a miserable gray rain this far south, freezing cold and peppered with slush. Remus had been in a terrible mood all day, and not in the mood to speak to anyone. Right now he sat on the window sill in his small bedroom, leaning against the glass and clutching a letter in his hand.

"Remus?" His father was standing at the door. "Remus, your mother's been calling for you."

"Sorry. Didn't hear her."

"Are you all right?"

Remus shrugged, and Damien came in and sat down on the chair at Remus's desk. "What's wrong?"

Remus unfolded the parchment he was holding. "I wrote a letter," he admitted, his voice cracking. "A letter to Alphard. And just when I finished it I remembered I can't send it because he's dead."

"Oh." Damien shifted uncomfortably. "Well, Remus, I know you were close to him, but what he did was wrong. Beyond wrong. He cost a man his life and the Ministry-"

Damien's never been comfortable with Remus's friendship with Alphard, but he allowed it, even though he knew about it. Damien's never been comfortable with a lot of things. What's interesting to me about Damien is sometimes he actually remembers he and Remus are not the same person. When Damien is an asshole (like he is here), it's not because he hates Remus or anything. It's because he has a desperate, almost obsessive desire to protect him. What he doesn't always understand is that sometimes, things he doesn't approve of are good for Remus. Like Alphard.

"Dad-"

"-Was quite clear on the consequences."

"Dad."

"It's something you'll always have to be careful of, Remus, and-"

"Dad! Enough! I know all that, all right? For crying out loud, I needed a friend, not a werewolf responsibility lecture!"

Damien pressed his lips together. "Your mother wants you to make a salad," he said coldly.

"Fine." Remus crumpled the letter and tossed it into the wastebasket.

"And I sure hope you're more civil to her than you are to me."

"Yeah."

"Watch your tone, young man."

"I'm watching it," Remus muttered sulkily as he stomped downstairs to where his mother was finishing dinner in the kitchen.

Hee. One of my favorite Remus lines. Like I said, I love making Remus be sulky and bratty every now and then, especially with his parents. Who among us was never a brat to their parents? It's amazing some days my mother didn't kill me, and I was a pretty good kid.

"I heard you and your father having a go at it," she said with a sigh as he dug out the salad bowl and the lettuce.

"We were not having a go," Remus contradicted, ripping the lettuce with a little more force than necessary.

Marilyn fixed him with a level stare. "Mmmhmm."

"We weren't. He just doesn't listen."

"Neither do you. Honestly Remus, you're so moody these days."

Incidentally, Marilyn is RIGHT. Remus is so wrapped up in his own problems he doesn't listen to anything his father really says. I suspect that's a trait that gained some canon support in HBP

"Moody!?"

"Moody. Sulking, stomping, grumbling... all last summer you did nothing but snap at everyone. And you've barely smiled since you came home on holiday."

"I'm smiling." Remus forced a fake smile. "See? Smile."

"Keep it up and you aren't getting dinner tonight."

"Sorry." Remus turned his attention to the tomatoes.

"I know your father is difficult these days himself, but he's very worried about work," his mother continued as she pulled the roast from the oven.

"Why?

"There's talk that they might promote him back to Auror now that you're seventeen."

"Really?"

"Really. Dad says it's partly desperation on their part, but you know he's hoping anyway."

"Yeah." Remus stared at the salad. "I know."

"Hurry up with that. Everything else is ready."

Remus tossed the salad and carried it out to the small dining room, where his father was waiting at the table. "What's all this?" Damien asked as he surveyed the food. "Is someone coming?"

"No. It's just the three of us."

"But there's enough food for an army!"

Heh. The food bit was based on my brother when he was a teenager. I remember when we'd go to McDonald's and he'd order 12 hamburgers. And he'd eat every last one, too. And he wasn't a big boy- he was maybe 5'10" to 6'0", and for a while was a scrawny thing.

"That or the two of us and one seventeen year old boy." Marilyn sat down and unfolded her napkin. "So any news at work Damien?"

"No," he said shortly.

"No news or no promotion?" Marilyn prodded.

"No promotion. Not until Remus graduates and is no longer dependant on us."

"'At's no' 'air!"

"Remus, don't talk with your mouth full, please."

Remus swallowed hastily. "That's not fair," he said more clearly. "You've waited this long and I'm legally an adult and the Ministry is NEVER-"

"It's not fair," Damien interrupted. "But that's the Ministry, and the Ministry often does know what's best." Remus deflated, well aware that this line of logic was his father's avoidance tactic. "Now. How was school this term? We haven't heard much from you in the past month."

It's interesting that Damien's willing to take this tack, because at other times he's furious with the Ministry. But Damien is someone who follows the letter of the law and comments on the spirit, as we'll see eventually. I also think it should be more complicated than "he's for the Ministry" or "he's against the Ministry". There's some things Damien approves of, and there's some he doesn't.

"It was okay."

"Just okay?" Damien pressed.

Remus shrugged. "Yeah. Just okay."

"What were you writing to Alphard about?"

"Not much. Just stuff."

Thank you, Mr. Teenager.

"Stuff."

"Yeah. Stuff." For a moment the only sound in the room was the clink of forks on plates, and Remus hoped his father would just drop it. No such luck.

"You know, Remus," Damien began awkwardly, "I know Alphard meant a lot to you, but if there's anything you want to talk about, your mother and I are here to listen."

"There's nothing," Remus said, eyes fixed on his plate.

"Is it a girl?" his mother asked hopefully.

Remus's cheeks flared red, as did his temper. "No!" His parents exchanged significant looks at his outburst. "Look, it's not a girl, all right? There's never going to be a girl." Oh shit. Now he had to. He took a deep breath, but it didn't help at all.

This is Remus-equivalent of standing up and shouting "I'm gay!"

"Oh, come on Remus, I'm sure there will be," Damien insisted.

"No. There won't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm..." he couldn't force the word.

Poor boy. I'm not sure I could say it to Damien, either.

"Remus, did something happen this semester?" Damien demanded.

"Sure! James is dating Lily Evans, Peter is going out with Emily Fairchild, Sirius was going with Alex Sellers, and the one person I could talk to about my lack of a love life got himself killed for killing someone! See? Lots of stuff happened."

"You don't have to tell some older werewolf about it, Remus," Damien insisted in a tight voice. "You could tell us."

"I just did, or I tried to, anyway!" Remus pushed his plate away. "Didn't you listen?"

"I did!" Damien pushed his hair behind his ears angrily. "And if you would talk about it calmly and civilly and like a human-"

"But I'm not a human, am I, Dad? And that's where all the trouble is. I am a pathetic freak of a beast that causes more trouble than I'm worth, and then to top it off now I know I'm-"

"One more step out of line, young man, and you're going to be-"

"ENOUGH! Remus, go to your room. Damien, go to your garage. Both of you calm down and when you are done behaving like children we will discuss this as adults!" Marilyn stood angrily and began gathering plates.

Thank you, Marilyn. Good God, she is RIGHT. The two of them are both acting like little kids, and neither of them are listening to the other. It's really amazing that she didn't just knock their heads together. It's amazing that mothers don't do that more often in general.

"Marilyn-"

"Damien, just go."

"Mum-"

"Remus, room. Now."

Remus cast one final glare at both his parents and stomped up the stairs. As he reached the top he heard the door slam and felt some small measure of satisfaction that his father was pissed off as well. Good.

Come on. He might be calm and controlled in canon, but I can't believe he was born that way. What teenager anywhere hasn't stomped to their room and slammed the door? He probably sat and imagined they weren't his real parents and he was adopted at the same time.

The satisfaction didn't last long once he entered his room. The familiar sight of the books surrounding him and his childhood bed calmed him slightly. He sat down on the bed, gloomily hugging an old teddy bear to his chest.

Alphard's passing was still a raw, red wound that hadn't healed. Remus hugged the bear to him tightly, burying his face in the matted fur and wishing he could slip out and meet Alphard somewhere and just talk himself hoarse about school, about his parents, about what had happened with Alex. But that wasn't going to happen. Ever again.

"Remus?"

With a start he looked up to see his mother standing in the door. He was surprised at how much time had passed, and how tired and worn she looked. "Mum."

"May I come in?"

He shrugged, but he scooted over to make room for her on the bed. She gave a small laugh as she saw the bear in his arms. "You still have Jam?"

"Yeah. Hey, whatever happened to Peanutbutter, anyway?"

It just seems like such a little kid thing to do, to name the bears Peantbutter and Jam. Remus must have been such a cute little kid in some ways.

Marilyn's face clouded. "You don't remember?"

"No."

"We put him in the shed with you once, when you were six. We thought it might calm you down some, that it might help. It didn't work."

"I destroyed Peanutbutter?" Remus asked, clutching Jam a little tighter.

"There wasn't a shred of that poor bear left," Marilyn admitted.

::sniffle:: Look, I have a major attachment to my own teddy bear, okay? It's the one my husband gave me for Christmas our first year together- his name is Tanenbaum (or however you spell it. I've never bothered to learn). I'm taking him with me when I go to the hospital, okay? Stop laughing at me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, throat clogging. "I'm sorry." He squeezed his eyes shut and a tear leaked out; he wiped it away impatiently. They both knew he wasn't just apologizing for Peanutbutter.

His mother put her arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, baby," she whispered. She rubbed his back gently, and Remus leaned against her shoulder, breathing in her familiar perfume and relaxing against her. "So," she said conversationally, "You're gay then?"

Remus jerked away from her. "How did you know?"

"You just told us. Despite what you might think, I do listen."

Mothers usually do. Way too well. She had some clue before this, too. She's psychic. It goes with the maternal territory. I can't wait to get my psychic powers- as well as my Superguilt ability and my eyes in the back of my head.

"But... but...." She couldn't know. Not really. She wouldn't be this calm if she knew.

Marilyn took his hand. "Remus, it's all right. Relax." She gently pulled him back. "It's all right," she repeated. "Did something happen with Alex?"

"How do you know about Alex?" he asked, eyes wide and clinging to Jam for dear life. "I never said-"

"No, but all of a sudden the name popped up more and more in your letters. I wondered. I've wondered before this, too."

Remus deflated. "Oh."

"You must have wanted to tell us very badly to let it slip tonight. That's not like you."

Remus nodded. "I hate lying to you and Dad," he said miserably.

The "to you and Dad" part is important, because we all know Remus isn't much above lying at any other point in time.

"Was this what was bothering you last summer?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Well, you were impossible," Marilyn said with a grin, nudging him with her shoulder. Remus gave her a weak smile back. She sighed and resumed rubbing his back.

"Do you love me anyway?" he asked, a small child terrified of losing his parents.

"No. I would love you anyway if you robbed a bank or you killed someone. I just simply love you, Remus. Nothing's changed."

Remus's mother is remarkably accepting, especially for the 1970's. Even Damien is remarkably accepting- I mean, sure, he's pissed, but the root of his anger is fear and protectiveness and love. There was a deleted scene where Marilyn and Damien were discussing it, and you really saw just how much Marilyn was acting in front of Remus and how upset she really was. It got cut because it didn't really accomplish much, and there was no way to do it in front of Remus and not let him know just how upset Marilyn was.

The reason I made Remus's parents so accepting is that Remus has enough shit and angst in his life that he doesn't need any more. I did actually have to ramp up Damien's reaction, which I'll discuss more when we get to it. But Remus has enough problems- he didn't need his parents disowning him on top of it.

Remus shook his head, still not releasing the bear. "This wasn't how this was supposed to go," he said quietly. "I wasn't expecting this."

"I understand why you don't, but sometimes you need to have a little more faith in people, Remus. They don't always act like you expect." A muted shout and subsequent crash punctuated her sentence. "Then again," Marilyn sighed, "some people are completely predictable. I think your father just worked it out." Another crash followed. "Do you want me to talk to him first?"

"Would you?"

She nodded and stroked his hair back. "I'll go."

"Mum?"

"Yes Remus?"

"I'm scared."

She kissed him on the forehead. "I know. But baby, you're the strongest person I know, and that includes your father. It will be all right." She kissed him once more and left.

It was several minutes before Remus could move again, and when he did, he automatically reached for his parchment and quill. Alphard might not be alive, but there was one person who would understand.

Dear Sirius-

I told my parents tonight. Mum's been great- Dad's not too pleased. Hope he calms down.

Hope you and Prongs aren't driving the Potters to St. Mungo's.

-Remus

It was short and Remus thought it was stupid, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. He rolled it up and crept out of his room. At least the shouting had stopped.

The house was silent once he sent the owl on his way. Remus wandered outside into the cold and opened the shed. The small structure stank of blood and stale air, but for some reason it seemed the right place to be. The anticipation of his father's tirade was killing him. He settled down in a corner, wrapping his arms around his legs and burying his face in the hollow between his knees, thoroughly miserable.

"This is the last place I'd expect you to be."

Shit. His father had found him.

It probably didn't take that much thought, either. Damien doesn't always understand Remus, but he's not that dumb.

"Yeah, well it fits," Remus muttered.

"Come inside. You're going to freeze."

"No. Say it out here." He looked up and realized with a sinking heart that he was right, his father was furious. He huddled in on himself tighter.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say." Damien's voice was tight and strained.

"I do. You're angry."

"You're bloody right I'm bloody angry! I'm infuriated! What are you thinking, Remus? What in Merlin's name are you thinking?"

"It's not something I'm thinking. It's-"

"It's bad enough you're already a werewolf! Do you have to ruin your life even further by being a flaming faggot as well?"

His language isn't great, but it's the "ruin your life" bit that Damien is really upset about. This is NOT what he wants for Remus, and given how homosexuals were treated then and are still treated now, can you blame him? I mean, there's a difference between accepting your child is gay (which Damien eventually does) and hoping that they will be. He so desperately wants Remus to have a good life, and he's seen him struggle for so long… it's gotta hurt.

"Dad..." Remus protested, pressing his forehead to his knees, "it's not like that."

"That's exactly what it's like! How can you do this, Remus? How can you do this?"

Of course, Damien also just doesn't know much about sexual orientation, either. He's not only scared for Remus, he's ignorant. Marilyn's done a little more research, but she also hasn't really shared.

Remus shrugged.

"I don't even know what to say. This is simply unbelievable. Have you even thought- just for a minute- about what this is going to do to your life? How people are going to look at you? Not just in our world, but in the Muggle world as well!"

"Why do you think I haven't thought about it? That's all I thought about for six months when I first realized it!" Remus looked up, his anger rising. "I know this is a bit hard, Dad-"

"A bit hard?"

"But have you considered for one moment that I don't want it either?"

"Then change it!" Damien demanded. "Forget it and be normal like the rest of us!"

"I want to! Believe me, I want to, but I can't! Okay?"

"So you're all right with this?"

"What other choice to I have?" Remus shot back. "Just shut myself off forever? Jump off a cliff?" His father winced at that one. "It's there, okay? And at least nobody gets killed with this one. If you can accept me being a werewolf-"

"I DON'T accept you being a werewolf, Remus! Every week I search the journals for a cure! Every night I go down on my knees and pray to the God your mother believes in that we can end this somehow for you! I want you to have a normal life, and if I could give mine to change yours I would! I do not accept that, and I will not accept this!"

Man, they're splitting hairs. Typical communication problems. Damien can totally accept Remus still as his son, but like any parent of a child afflicted with a disease, he hopes Remus will one day get better. Even harder when Damien doesn't have to believe in magic- it already exists. Of course, Remus is deliberately not seeing the distinctions, and Damien isn't doing a good job of drawing them.

"I DO!"

Damien stared at him. "You just said you'd change it if you could."

"I would. Dad, I want a normal life, too. But I was never going to have one anyway. I was never going to have kids-"

"You could have had children-"

"No Dad. I couldn't have. The Ministry forbids it, and anyway, I wouldn't try. I wasn't ever going to get married either-"

"You could have. The Ministry doesn't prohibit that!"

"Maybe not. But I wouldn't have done it. It's the way it is, Dad, and that's all there is to it."

My Remus still won't get married. Even if JKR insists he does. So nyeh.

"It is not." Damien shook his head. "You do not need to be any more of a freak-"

"Of a pathetic freak of a beast-" Remus inserted quickly, with nothing but bitterness.

"-Than you already are!

"Go away."

Damien's lips moved silently as he retraced his last words. The dawning recognition was visible. "Remus...."

You know, it's funny. People have commented on this scene and how nasty Damien is, but it's really Remus who says the insult. Remus is the one who's said it through the whole chapter. Damien says freak, which is frankly pretty light in this case, but Remus is the one who hammers home the abuse. Damien just isn't in time to correct him. It's totally a case of Remus being passive-aggressive here.

"Go away!"

"Come inside. It's Christmas Eve and-"

"GO AWAY!" The door flung itself open, even though Remus hadn't removed his wand from his pocket. With a harried, angry look, Damien left. The door slammed closed behind him.

Remus took several deep, shaking breaths and wrapped around himself again. Pride was going to keep him out here, and he'd be shocked if he slept. It was going to be a long, cold night.

Originally, this scene wasn't so angry and the reconciliation came a lot sooner. I knew something was off, evidenced by the fact I got not one, but TWO betas for this scene. I rarely ask for betas, but generally if I do, I know there's something wrong. Both my betas (Solitaire from Immeritus and emeraldgreen from FAP) said that they thought that Damien would react much stronger than I initially had him react. They were right. While I didn't want Damien to disown Remus, or even to have a terrible relationship with him, I did want him to eventually accept it. Problem was, I'd gone too far the other way for the character I'd created.

It's one of the reasons that it pisses me off when people say an author can't write her own characters out of character. Yes she can, and I did, and both my betas (correctly) called me on it. With what we the reader have seen of Damien Lupin, there is no way he'd react so calmly as how I'd first had him written. (There's also no way he'd act like he did in Chapter 2 of Deny Thy Father, when he kisses Sirius's forehead, but at least there I have the excuse that the character wasn't fully developed.) They couldn't believe it as Damien, and obviously, neither could I or I wouldn't have asked for a beta on that scene specifically. This worked much better. And despite the fact he is in the HP universe, Damien Lupin is definitely my character, not JKR's. So see? Author writing her own character out of character. It CAN be done.


***

Christmas Day dawned bright and cold, although Sirius wasn't in any position to notice the second. He was in sitting in front of a dancing fire, wearing warm flannel pajamas that the Potters had given him two months ago and had a cup of hot coffee in his hands. There was a tree covered in silver and gold ornaments, stockings on the mantle (including one with his name), and Mrs. Potter was in the kitchen cooking pancakes. There were carols playing on the WWN, and Mr. Potter had even emerged from his study.

It was nothing like any Christmas Sirius had ever known.

James had woken him up with a badly sung rendition of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer", a pillow bashed over his head, and the last glazed donut, which he knew was Sirius's favorite. Mrs. Potter had hugged him good morning, and Mr. Potter had clapped his shoulder almost as affectionately as he had James's. Nothing like the staid and silent and dignified Christmases at the House of Black.

I know "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" wasn't actually released until the 80s, and I'm not even sure how popular it is in England. (Or glazed donuts, for that matter.) But James singing it is too funny and not to be passed up. Sadly, James was dead by the time the song was released. How's that for a downer?

Sirius didn't mention the owl he'd received from Remus last night, and in the warmth and happiness of the morning, told himself that hopefully Mr. Lupin had calmed down. Regardless, he'd know soon. And right now Mrs. Potter was putting his pancakes in front of him and James was talking about Lily coming over that evening and bringing her family, so Sirius returned to the immediate present and joined in the celebration.

He knew it was coming, but he was still surprised later when Mrs. Potter put a present in his lap, wrapped in bright red paper with a big gold bow.

He knew a present was coming, anyway. He didn't know what it would be. Sloppy writing on my part.

"You can't," he insisted. "This is too much...."

"Nonsense," Mrs. Potter insisted. "Open it."

Sirius opened it with trembling fingers to find the black leather jacket he'd been admiring.

"Is that the right one?" Mrs. Potter asked anxiously. "Will it fit?"

"It's too much," Sirius insisted, his hands lingering on the leather. "Thank you." He pulled it on over his pajamas. "It fits perfectly," he said, turning around ostensibly to show off the back but really to hide the sudden sheen in his eyes.

This is probably the first time an adult has given Sirius a gift he's truly wanted. Well, except Alphard, but even then, they weren't nearly as close as Alphard and Remus were.

"Here. Open mine," James insisted, shoving a green box at him. "They kind of go together." Inside was a pair of Muggle jeans. "Levi's 501 blues," James said. "They go with the jacket. Mum charmed them, so they should fit. I know you really like the Muggle clothes, and I kind of thought...."

"Thanks," Sirius said, grinning.

"Your parents do too much for me," Sirius told James later. He was wearing the t-shirt that had been in a final package, along with the jeans and the boots he'd bought when he and James and gone to Diagon Alley. "They shouldn't have spent that much. And you shouldn't have, either."

"You got me those Quidditch pads, and they weren't cheap either. Hey, here come the Moonies."

It makes the Lupins sound like a cult, but I thought it was funny.

Sirius looked out the window in time to see the Mustang pulling in. "Yes! They brought the car. Come on. Let's go see it."

"You're obsessed," James sang out as Sirius grabbed his new leather jacket and sprinted out the door.

"Sirius, Happy Christmas!" Marilyn Lupin was the first out of the car, balancing a casserole dish. "That outfit... you look good in normal clothes. Where's- oh, hello there James. Happy Christmas." She kissed Sirius and then James on the cheek as Damien climbed out of the car. He nodded at James, grunted at Sirius, and looked thoroughly in a foul mood. "We'll go inside and find your mother, all right?" Marilyn suggested, gesturing firmly to Damien with her head.

It's kind of nice when Damien gets into his pouting mode. He's very easy to write that way, because he simply doesn't speak much. Ha!

"I'll take you," James promptly volunteered, leading them inside.

"Hey Moony," Sirius began as Remus climbed out of the car, but the words died in his throat.

Somewhere in his head, Sirius was aware that this was a time when Remus desperately needed a friend, not someone ogling him. But Remus's presence hit Sirius like a stunning charm straight to the chest.

He didn't look any different, Sirius told himself. He still had the same sharply cut face, same skinny shoulders, same pale skin, same light brown hair. Same eyes, same lips, same throat, same- same. He was wearing a white button down shirt and a pair of khaki pants that were a little too loose, and probably nine out of ten girls would walk by him without giving him a second glance. But in the wake of his personal revelation, Remus was now getting third, fourth, and fifth looks from Sirius.

I can understand why people want Sirius to think Remus is beautiful and all that, but I can never bring myself for Sirius to go on and on in his mind about Remus's looks. I just don't think Remus is all that attractive. Or unattractive. I think he's a nice enough looking boy/man that most of us wouldn't really notice at first. Which is fine with me. My own husband is pretty much the same. He's not someone that's going to turn every head. I find him attractive, but believe me- I don't rhapsodize over it in my mind. (And probably the same vice versa.)

Heh. I was reading a fic today where Snape went on and on about how perfect Remus looked. I lost count of the number of times the word "angel" was used. (This was an R/S fic, too.) It was pretty scary- I nearly lost it several times.

"What?" Remus asked, puzzled.

Sirius snapped his mouth shut. "Frog in my throat," he croaked. "Sorry. Happy Christmas."

"Thanks," Remus said with a small smile. "Did you get my owl?"

The question returned the blood to his brain where it belonged. "Yeah, I did. What happened?" Sirius asked, relieved as the attraction ebbed back into friendship.

"Let's just say Dad's not thrilled with me at the moment," Remus said with a grimace.

"Is he still speaking to you?"

"That would be a very loud and emphatic 'no'."

For some reason I always have trouble spelling the word emphatic. Thank God for spell checker. Even if it doesn't help me with dwarves.

"Oh shit." Sirius reached out to put his arm around Remus's shoulders, but Remus stiffened and shrugged it off, nodding towards the house. Sirius understood, but... but.

"Like the jacket," Remus said in an obviously faked casual voice as he dug through the back seat of the car and surfaced with a carrier bag of gifts. "Come on. Let's get inside before we freeze."

"I won't freeze," Sirius insisted. "Can't we stay out here?" He meant to talk about Remus's father, but his eyes lingered on the car.

"No." Remus's teeth were chattering. "But if you're really nice to me, I'll see if my parents will let us take the car out after dinner."

"You can DRIVE?"

Remus smiled smugly. "Come on," he repeated, heading for the house. "I'm cold, and Peter should be here any minute. I want to give you guys your presents before Lily gets here."

"Good call," Sirius agreed, still in shock as he followed Remus up the path and into the house. "You can drive..."

Good call. That's SO American, and so not 1970's.

"Wipe the drool off your chin, Pads. Hey Pete! Happy Christmas!"

Peter was standing in the foyer, wiping a smudge of Floo powder from his nose. "You too. James off with Lady Lily?"

"Have some faith," James protested, appearing and draping one arm around Peter and one around Sirius. "Lily's not coming for an hour yet. Just us for a while. Come on. Let's go up to my room."

As they climbed the stairs, Sirius heard Remus say, "Wormtail, you look exhausted."

Peter sighed. "I had to stay up late last night playing Father Christmas. Mam and Dad always told us that he decorates the tree after we've gone to sleep, right? Well, Mam can't really do it alone anymore, she says it's too sad. So she wanted me to do it with her after my sisters went to sleep. We didn't finish until three in the morning."

"Why didn't you just use magic?" James flashed his wand and a small tree appeared in the corner of his bedroom.

"Mam insists on doing it by hand."

Actually, it was because I'd forgotten that Peter was seventeen and could use magic legally, so I needed another reason. Oops.

"Oh."

It went without saying that the presents between the four of them had to be opened away from prying eyes. Otherwise it became too hard to explain why Peter gave James a book on hunting, Sirius gave Peter a mousetrap and cheese, James gave Remus an Emily Post book, and Remus and Sirius exchanged dog collars.

"Well, a wolf's a canine," Sirius defended his selection. "And it was that or a book, and-"

I have the hardest time coming up with Christmas presents. But hey- I can't shop for guys in real life, either. But I still love the idea of Remus wearing a collar as well. And come on- of all the fandom cliches, the best (by far) is Sirius in a dog collar. This is also the scene that is my icon- jlarinda drew it for me :)

"Actually, I like it." Remus was laughing as he fastened the brown leather collar around his neck. "This is going to drive my father absolutely insane." There was a hard, defiant edge to his voice that Sirius rarely heard. He and James exchanged glances, and James shrugged.

"You do have an excellent point, Moony," Sirius said, ignoring what Remus wanted ignored and putting on the studded black leather collar Remus had given him.

"You two are actually wearing dog collars," Peter said disbelievingly. "Dog collars."

"Why not?" Sirius said with a conspiratorial grin at Remus. "We'll start a new trend."

Mrs. Potter echoed Peter's sentiment when they trouped down the stairs and into the drawing room. "Dog collars?" she asked when she saw them. "Never mind. Don't tell me. I really don't want to know. Just no barking at the dinner table, all right?"

After their barnyard sounds in Deny Thy Father, she has good reason to worry.

"We won't, Mrs. Potter," Remus assured her.

"I think they look good," Marilyn said defensively. "Very dangerous."

Damien snorted. "Remus, you really don't need to advertise," was his only comment before returning to his conversation with Timothy Potter. Remus's cheeks flushed red with anger.

"I like it on you," Sirius whispered to Remus as the doorbell rang. "And it doesn't look like your father says it does."

Yes it does, Sirius. That's why you like it.

"Thanks." Remus's eyes drifted down from Sirius's face to the collar at his throat and lingered for a few seconds too long. Sirius swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. "Yours looks good, too." He was about to say something else when they were interrupted by James.

"Can I ask you guys a huge favor?" James begged. Before Remus or Sirius could answer, James plunged ahead. "Lily's sister Petunia is coming with the Evans. She's a Muggle, and she's not very comfortable with magic. Can you guys be nice?"

"Ask Peter, he's the lady-killer," Remus retorted.

James chuckled. "Believe me, I've got the same idea. Wormtail already said he'd be the patsy. But I need you guys to play nice too."

"All right," Sirius agreed.

"Remus?"

Remus was saved from answering by the appearance of Lily and Petunia. Petunia was a thin, bony girl that looked like she'd swallowed a bushel of lemons whole, Sirius thought. "This is Sirius Black," Lily was saying, "and Remus Lupin. And this," the pride in her voice was undeniable, "is James Potter."

"Very nice to meet you," James said to Petunia.

"Lily's told us about you," Sirius recited, even though she'd never had (that he listened to anyway).

Sirius is still sort of treating Lily as some annoying or amusing diversion that just won't go away yet, but will eventually. He's pretty convinced she's going to break James's heart, but he doesn't really admit that.

"Hi," Remus said, as graciously as if Petunia were a cockroach.

"Nice to meet you," Sirius prompted when the silence grew too long.

"You're wearing a dog collar," Petunia observed.

Sirius grinned at her. "Yes I am. Like it?"

"No." She turned her gaze to Remus, who met it evenly. "God, what a bunch of pathetic freaks."

That sounds WAY too American for my tastes in this case, which is funny because it didn't earlier. I think it sounds more slangy here, whereas when Remus and Damien were using it, they meant it in the literal sense. But I wanted Petunia to really tick of Remus right from the beginning, because the poor boy so needed an outlet.

Remus's face drained of color, although Sirius wasn't sure why. But behind Remus he saw Damien Lupin standing in the doorway, bright patches of color standing out on his cheeks. Sirius would bet every galleon that Alphard had left him the phrase "pathetic freak" had come up last night.

Remus opened his mouth to retort, but Petunia was saved by Peter walking by. He appeared nonchalant, but suddenly his head whipped back and he stared at her.

"Excuse me," he said, right as Remus was about to say something far ruder. "I know this is forward of me, but are you Lily's sister?"

"Yes," Petunia muttered.

"Truly beauty does run in the Evans family," Peter said, eyes wide. "I'm Peter- Peter Pettigrew." He extended a hand. When Petunia grudgingly offered hers, he turned it over and kissed it. "Enchanté, ma cherie," he murmured.

I LOVE lady-killer Peter. Realistically, I do think he was the most likely to have a girlfriend. Sirius would be too intimidating, and judging by Snape's Worst Memory, he didn't seem to notice how interested girls were in him. Remus was too shut off. James might have dated some, but I'll bet the girls got frustrated because James was clearly besotted with Lily from at LEAST fifth year. Peter… in canon, who knows, but he was probably the most approachable of the group. Also, in my canon, he's the best adjusted. True, he lost his father, but he's always had a pretty normal, loving family. And they're all women, so Peter understands women pretty well.

If you want JKR canon, I suspect the MWPP crowd didn't date much. And I can actually see why. The four of them were so tight that I can see it being hard for anyone else to break into that circle. Lily must have really been pretty special to do so.

Sirius had to turn away before he started laughing.

Petunia took her hand back, but her expression was slightly softer as she faced Peter. "At least someone has some manners here." She shot a glare at Remus. "It's nice you aren't all animals."

James snorted down a laugh, but Sirius thought that Petunia had just sealed her own doom.

"Of course not. Allow me to get you a drink?" Peter suggested.

Peter didn't let up on Petunia throughout dinner. He plied her with extravagant compliments, interesting small-talk, and the worst pickup lines Sirius had ever heard. (His current favorite was "are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all afternoon.") The courtship was delivered with perfect sincerity, and once or twice Sirius even wondered if Peter was getting interested. It was only after Petunia excused herself and Peter winked at him that Sirius realized no, Peter was just having far too much fun with the assignment James had given him.

I've always been proud of this little bit. It's sort of one of my foreshadowing things, explaining why they never suspected. It started back in Chapter 4 of Deny Thy Father, when Sirius found out that Peter was a really effective storyteller. My Peter is an outstanding actor, but has no interest in theater so his talent goes completely unnoticed. But it's there, and it's definitely an important one for what happens later.

And it was just as well. Peter was distracted entertaining Petunia, Lily and James were distracted by each other, Peter's younger sisters Penny and Patricia were distracted by their own whispered commentary, and the adults were distracted by boring adult-like conversation. Which all meant that no one but Sirius really noticed that Remus was only picking at his food and sending dagger-eyed glares in Petunia's direction. Whatever had been said in the Lupin household, it was bad enough that Remus was on the warpath.

However, Remus wasn't too upset to ask for the car keys after dinner, and obviously his mother wasn't upset enough not to give them to him, and Mrs. Potter seemed perfectly content to shoo them all off for a an hour. They squeezed into the car; Sirius, Peter, Penny, Patricia, and Petunia crammed into the back seat, with Penny on Sirius's lap and Patricia on Peter's, Petunia in between, while Lily and James were scrunched in the front with Remus.

"Who likes Queen?" Lily asked Remus has he brushed the eight-tracts to the floor.

Because there were other bands and acts in the 70s besides the glitter crew and the Beatles.

"Believe it or not, my parents," Remus answered, turning the key and pulling out onto the road. Sirius tensed in excitement. "You can put them in," Remus was saying, "but don't play 'I'm In Love with My Car' or 'From Father to Son'. If I hear either of them again, I will crash this car into a tree."

From Father to Son would be particularly painful for Remus right then and there. Granted, so would crashing the car into the tree.

Next to Sirius Petunia squawked, and in the rear view mirror Sirius saw the corner of Remus's mouth twitch upwards. Remus was in rare form, and this was going to be great. "'I'm in Love with My Car'?" he asked, shifting Penny on his lap. "Someone actually wrote a song called that?"

"Yeah, and my father sings it constantly. I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile. Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar, such a thrill when your radials squeal," Remus sang, very badly. Petunia visibly winced, and Sirius grinned.

I just like the idea of Remus being a terrible singer. A good singing voice is such a common Mary Sue trait, especially in my original fandom, which was Pern. I tend to make a lot of my characters tone deaf as a result.

Plus, I couldn't carry a tune if it had handles on it. Although I wish I could.

"We could change the lyrics up a bit for James," Remus suggested. "I'm In Love With My Broomstick."

Penny sniggered and clamped her hands over her mouth. "No comment," she giggled.

"I'm in love with my broomstick, gotta feel it all the time. Get a grip on my smooth hard-" Sirius began.

"Oi! Little sisters in the car!" Peter said, clapping his hands over Patricia's ears. "Virgin ears and all that!"

"At least something in this car is virgin, eh Peter?" James looked back over his shoulder, waggling his eyebrows.

Hehehe. At this point dear, all of you are.

"Wormtail! Have you been getting action and not telling us?" Sirius asked, laughing.

"The giant squid," Peter leered, and made a loud, wet sucking sound.

Lily, Penny and Patricia were giggling, but Petunia had turned rather green. "Giant squid?" she asked feebly.

"Oh yes," Remus said, eyes lighting up with an unholy joy. "There's a giant man-eating squid at Hogwarts. It's over sixty feet long and if you get too close it will suck your brains out-"

"Moony," James cautioned, glancing back at Petunia.

"And then devour you alive, bit by gory bit as you scream and writhe in agony!"

"Moony!"

"Remus, how do you turn this on?" Lily asked, studying the player that Damien had installed specially and successfully distracting Remus from torturing her sister.

"Like this." Remus tapped it twice with his wand and loud music filled the car.

Sirius had never had much experience with Muggle music, but obviously both Lily and Remus had as they began singing (for lack of a better word) along. Petunia, Sirius noted, obviously did not care for it. Her entire body was tense and brittle as she sat stiffly between Peter and Sirius.

"Do you like music?" Peter shouted to her.

"This isn't music!" Petunia replied primly.

A little part of Sirius could see what she meant. The music had now swelled into something hard and driving. Remus and Lily weren't so much singing now as shouting, and no one could help but notice the car wasn't going so perfectly straight any more. Petunia leaned forward.

It's supposed to be Bohemian Rhapsody, but unfortunately, all the details that made it recognizable in the text were cut. But I loved the idea of Remus and Lily headbanging to it a la Garth and Wayne. Come on. You KNOW that's a funny image!

"You're speeding!" she shouted. "You're doing 100 in a 55 zone! You're going to get us all arrested!"

Remembering it's km/hr, not mph….

"Ooh, maybe you should slow down, Moony," Sirius said, wanting Remus to do nothing of the sort. The song ended and at least the car straightened out, but Remus hadn't lifted his foot off the gas yet. "Don't want to get us all tossed into Azkaban."

"Azkaban?" Petunia asked.

"Oh yes. That's our prison. The wizarding prison."

"It's guarded by dementors," Remus contributed, not slowing down at all. "They're these huge faceless things that clamp their lips over yours and suck out your soul."

"Your description of the giant squid was better," James opined.

"Yeah, well, I'm getting tired."

So was I. I struggled with that for ages, and then had to give up. But I loved the idea of turning fandom cliches on their ear and making "that awful boy" be Remus instead of James or Snape. Not that this has a huge chance of being canon (unless Kloves has his say), but if Caradoc Dearborn was a research wizard that was inadvertently based on one of my bosses, I'll be shocked at that, too.

"We should head back," James admitted. Remus muttered something that was most likely rude, but soon the car was pulling up in front of the Potters' house again. Petunia immediately climbed over Sirius and Penny and stomped inside.

"That was great," Lily said as they all climbed out. She smoothed her hair. "Remus, you're full of surprises. You're a deadly beater, you listen to Queen, you know how to drive, and that dog collar you're wearing..." Sirius's heart lurched into his throat as he noticed the look Lily had fastened on it.

"Excuse me, boyfriend standing next to you," James growled.

"Come on," Remus said to Lily. "Let's go inside and I'll show you another surprise." He waggled his eyebrows. "James gave me this gift..." The pair of them set off inside.

"He's not after her, Prongs," Sirius said quietly.

But I do love the idea of Lily and Remus harmlessly flirting. I hate the Lily/Remus ship, and I don't even like Remus having a crush on Lily. But I like the idea that they respect and like each other, and flirt with each other just for the ego boost and because frankly, it's fun.

"What is with him today?"

"He and his father had some sort of fight. They aren't speaking to each other."

"Oh man."

"Yeah. Let him flirt with Lily a little. He doesn't mean it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. You know Moony wouldn't do that to you. Come on. Let's go inside."

The adults were in a tense conversation when they entered, and it took Sirius a moment to realize what was wrong. "Where are Mr. Lupin and Mr. Potter?" he asked.

"The Death Eaters attacked today," Mrs. Potter explained.

"Attacked?!" James, Sirius, and Peter stared at her in shock and anger.

"When?" Peter asked.

"Where?" James pressed.

"A Muggle house in Cambridge. There was a party there," Mrs. Potter said. "They're calling it a gas explosion or some such nonsense, but.... They have all the Aurors out as well as half the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. There's never been an attack of this size."

There had to be an escalation at some point.

"Why'd Dad go?" James asked.

"Why do you think?"

Story, story, story. One of the things that never came out well about Timothy Potter was that he is very dedicated to his work, and sometimes James felt neglected because of that. Of course, we now know that's not canon anyway, but hey- I doubt it's canon that James's father was a columnist for the Daily Prophet, either.

James sighed heavily.

"What I don't understand," Peter said as they went into the kitchen to find Remus and Lily, "is why they call themselves 'Death Eaters'. I mean, why don't they just say, 'hello, we're evil. Would you like a pamphlet on our programme?' It would be much easier."

No kidding, Peter. He's so right. Of course, that's really me speaking, but still.

"Got me," Sirius said, not really paying attention.

"Do you really think they blew up a house?"

"Sure sounds like it," James said grimly. "Wonder why."

"Because they were Muggles. Parties on Christmas Day means large groups Muggles and maybe even some wizards." Sirius's voice was hollow as he thought about his parents. "It's the way they think."

Peter shook himself. "It's Christmas," he said. "We shouldn't worry about it today."

Sirius and James looked at each other. Maybe not today. But they both thought they would have to worry about it sooner rather than later.

It kind of amuses me as I read this how the little bits of darkness get in here, but it's nothing compared to where AIL has really gone.

***

"I'm sure your father will be fine," Marilyn said as she and Remus drove home.

"I know," Remus said, looking out the window.

"Dad can take care of himself."

"I know."

"And he'll come to his senses."

Remus didn't answer.

They drove in silence for several minutes.

"So," Marilyn said, breaking the overpowering silence. "Sirius, huh?"

Remus blushed. "I try not to think about it, Mum."

"Why not?"

"He's not interested."

"I don't know about that. He was staring at you all day."

"No he wasn't." He glared out the window.

"Yes he was. He couldn't keep his eyes off you."

"Mum!"

"Just telling you what I saw, Remus."

"Whatever." He looked out the window again, but in the darkness he imagined a pair of grey eyes staring back at him.

No real comment except I really like that scene. And we all know that Marilyn is right.

On to Part 3

Comments

[cloudlessnights.livejournal.com]

I am a very horrible person when it comes to commenting, both because I still haven't managed to catch up with all the chapters of AIL and I'm usually can't think of anything meaningful to say, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love this story. I found the part about the teddy bears; and the idea of little Remus in the shed with his teddy just breaks my heart ... which is why I've made that icon; even though it's quite bad quality - I hope that's okay?

Best of luck for tomorrow! ♥

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Eee Little Remus with his teddy bear! I have to draw that! *o*

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And I adore that icon- it's definitely fine with me :) So cute!