Fic: Accidentally In Love Part 6
Apr. 4th, 2005 04:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantFinally! Whoohoo!
Here it is in all it's glory, Part 6. Good news- it's actually pretty happy. I wouldn't go so far to say fluffy, but happy.
It's rated PG-13, for some talk of sex and swearing and stuff like that.
And an apology is necessary.
Somewhere along the line in my hours of R/S fic reading, I came across the name "Wandwaver's" for a gay club. I used it as a joke in Part 4. Well, Wandwaver's decided to make an appearance again. I couldn't come up with another name because I figured there probably are not that many gay wizarding clubs in London, and it HAD to be a Wizarding club. So I had to use Wandwaver's. So whoever came up with the name, I deeply apologize for swiping it. I really didn't think it was going to make an appearance again like this. ::Sigh::
Anyway. Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aome and cloudlessnights and anyone else I'm forgetting for the beta-ing!
Part VI- Eye of the Storm
There was nothing- absolutely nothing- better than this, Sirius decided. Not Quidditch, not shepherd’s pie, not running through autumn leaves or full moon adventures or- oh who cared? Nothing was better than Remus’s warm weight against his legs, his mouth moving slowly on him as awareness dawned with the cold winter morning. Sirius gave up thinking and surrendered to the slow lazy pleasure of the attentions, tangling his fingers in Remus’s hair.
“Merry Christmas!” a familiar voice called from the living room.
They both froze, Remus’s eyes comically wide as he looked up at Sirius in shock, his lips still halfway down Sirius’s cock. “Shit!” Sirius whispered, and then they were both flying out of bed, dashing around the bedroom, pulling on t-shirts and shorts and pulling the covers up on the bed in haste.
“Padfoot, you lazy prat, are you still in bed?” James demanded. The bedroom door was flung open and James and Lily stood on the threshold.
“My goodness,” Lily said, looking around the room and wrinkling her nose, “you’re an absolute slob, Black.”
“Yes. Yes I am,” Sirius said proudly, leaning against the chest of drawers that he’d salvaged from a second-hand shop.
“Moony,” James said, brow furrowed. “I didn’t know you were here. Aren’t you supposed to be at your parents’ today?”
“I’m headed over there soon,” Remus said, running a hand through his hair and trying to neaten it. He glanced at Sirius, and the look in his eyes was one Sirius knew well. We need to talk our way out of deep shit.
“We were drinking last night,” Sirius offered, not technically lying. His heartbeat was slowing back down to normal and he thought he might be able to breathe properly now. “It was easier for Moony to stay here than try to Apparate back.”
“You two are turning into drunks,” James decided, and the crisis was averted. “We brought you Christmas breakfast before we go over to my parents’ place. There should be enough for you, too, Remus.”
“Thanks.” Remus was gathering up rumpled clothing. “Sirius, do you mind if I use your shower before I go?” And just like that, Remus had slipped out of the room, clothes clutched in front of him, leaving Sirius to deal with James, Lily, and the dull ache of sexual frustration.
“I can’t believe this place,” Lily was saying. “I mean, I’m not the neatest person, but this is bloody unbelievable. Did you know you have two pairs of pants out in the living room?”
Oops. Sirius scowled at her, hoping that James wasn’t well-versed enough in what Remus’s pants looked like as opposed to Sirius’s. “Prongs, can you shut your future wife up for a moment? I’m a man dealing with a hangover and kicked out of his own shower, so I would appreciate a little silence for a moment.”
“A little whiny today, Sirius?” James taunted, but grabbed Lily by the arm and pulled her out. “We’ll get breakfast on the table.”
Sirius dressed hurriedly and organized his hair into something resembling neatness, and finally let out a sigh of relief. That had been close. Too close. And as much as a part of him longed to tell James about himself and Remus, he wasn’t remotely delusional enough to think that the best way for James to find out would be to catch him in the middle of receiving a blow job. (And damn Prongs for interrupting that!)
“That smells good,” he said as he wandered out to the kitchen, where James and Lily were unpacking a hot breakfast. “Really good.”
“Thanks,” James said, properly pleased. “I think I’ve finally got the hang of bacon.”
Sirius picked up a piece and bitinto it. “Almost as good as a house-elf’s,” he said, plopping himself down in a chair. “So Evans. Did he do this himself or did you have mercy on him?”
“He did it himself!” Lily insisted. “We left as soon as I came over.”
“I still don’t understand why you don’t live there,” Sirius muttered. “You’re getting married and everything.”
“It’s a matter of principle,” Lily said primly.
“And parents,” James added.
The plumbing shuddered as Remus shut the shower off, and Sirius willed him to hurry because his stomach was now growling. Lily also brightened.
“I’ll be back. I want to talk to Remus alone for a minute.”
Sirius looked at James, eyebrows raised inquisitively as she hustled off. “What’s that all about?”
“She’s got something for him, I think. She says it’s a joke gift. I told her we wouldn’t see him today, but she brought it along anyway.” James thumped down into the seat across from Sirius, and up close Sirius could see dark circles under his eyes.
“Are you all right?” he asked, concerned. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping much.”
“Yeah. It’s just… well, Benjy Fenwick sent out a distress signal last night.”
“I didn’t get it.”
“No. I think you were out of range. He was down near the Evans’s. Lily and I both responded.”
“How’d it go?”
“By the time we got there it was almost over. He’s in St. Mungo’s for the holiday. I’m not sure what curse they used on him, but it was nasty.” James’s fingers tapped a complicated, nervous rhythm on the table. “And so’s Alice.”
A cold chill settled uncomfortably in the pit of Sirius’s stomach. “Is she all right?”
“Yeah, she was in better shape than Benjy. Man, you should have seen her though. There were about ten of them, and I think she must have taken out about six of them herself. Two of them with her bare hands - you could see the bruises.”
Sirius grinned. “Don’t cross Alice,” he said. “Where were they?”
“Down in Southampton. They were visiting some friends of their parents.” James picked up a salt shaker, fiddling with it. “The friends were Muggles.”
Sirius rubbed his temples. “Something tells me I don’t want to hear this on Christmas morning.”
“You don’t,” James said. “But I’m going to tell you anyway.”
***
Lily had given Remus enough time to dress before she opened the door hesitantly.
“Remus?”
“I’m hurrying,” Remus insisted, his voice muffled by the towel he was using to dry his hair. “Tell Sirius the shower’s free.”
“Sirius is talking to James.”
“Oh.” Remus pushed the towel back, leaving his hair sticking straight up. “What do you think? All I need is goggles and I could be Prongs.”
Lily giggled. “The resemblance is striking,” she agreed, even though they both knew it was anything but. Remus began combing his hair down, watching Lily who seemed a bit uncomfortable now that the giggles had faded.
“What is it?”
“I have something for you,” she said, pulling a small box from her pocket. “A Christmas present.”
“Oh.” Remus put the comb down and rooted through his bag. “I have something for you, too.” He came up with a box wrapped in red paper. “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you today or not, so I brought it just in case.”
Lily took the box and at his gesture opened it, then pulled out a pair of barrettes. They were silver, with flowers etched into them. “It’s not much,” Remus admitted. “But I kind of thought, well, with everything in November and you knowing about me and all… it kind of makes you…” he trailed off, completely unable to say what he wanted to say.
Lily smiled. “Thank you. Here.” She handed him her own box and he took it, surprisingly nervous.
Inside was a small ring, just big enough to fit around his pinky. It was gold, and imbedded with a black stone he didn’t recognize. It was nothing like he’d ever worn, but he put it on anyway.
“I wanted to say thank you, too,” Lily said quietly. “For everything in November.” She reached out and linked his pinky with hers.
“I didn’t do anything,” Remus said, the words forming a hard lump in his throat and choking him. “Lily….”
Lily shook her head, and Remus could see tears hanging in her green eyes. And he had absolutely no idea of what to say.
Lily stepped closer and put her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. Automatically his arms went up around her, his hand soothing her gently as his mind frantically cast around for some intelligent remark. Something deep, meaningful, and healing.
But there was no remark, and the feeling of that pulled his feet out from under him and dragged him away, swirling in a current he couldn’t fight. He was aware that Lily was crying softly, looking to him for comfort and help and a million other things he hadn’t the first idea of how to provide. And he’d had no idea they would be expected, not on Christmas morning when he was due to arrive at his parents’ in an hour. It was as out of the blue and unexpected as the original attack, and a tiny unworthy but still present voice in his head cried that it was just as unfair.
“Come on, Lily,” he murmured softly, patting her hair. “It’s going to be all right. It’s Christmas. Put your smile back on.”
Lily’s soft sobs ebbed to snuffles, and as she pulled away she wiped her cheeks on her hands and smiled. There was something about that smile… Remus couldn’t put his finger on it, but he instinctively knew he’d said the wrong thing. But nothing else came to him and the opportunity was slipping through his grasp as Lily’s smile became more genuine.
“Right,” she said. “It is Christmas. And thank you so much for the barrettes. They’re lovely. Shall we go make sure that James and Sirius haven’t burnt the place down?”
He kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her shoulder, but he tucked the ring she had given him into his pocket.
***
Sirius’s fingers were threaded through his own hair as he cradled his head in his hands. “That’s horrible,” he said, his voice hoarse. And yet, what was most horrible was that the reports of slaughtered Muggles and injured wizards were exactly what he was coming to expect.
“Are you all right?” James asked worriedly.
Sirius pulled himself together. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. It’s just….”
“I know.”
“But on the other hand, it happens so often these days, if you let it bother you every time you’d just fall apart, y’know?”
“I definitely know.”
Sirius shook his head, and then brightened considerably as Remus and Lily emerged from the bedroom.
“Shower’s all yours, Pads,” Remus said casually, already poking his nose into a covered dish. “I’m not sure how much longer I should stay. My parents are expecting me.”
A sudden coldness swept over Sirius as he realized that Remus was going home. Well, not home, as Remus now defined home as that poky little flat that he was so proud of, but to his parents’ house. But the result was the same- he wouldn’t be with Remus for Christmas Day. And for just a moment he hated James and his smug, perfect, perky, and ever-nauseating relationship with Evans.
“I’ll be back,” he muttered at the other three and stomped off to the shower.
Showers were wonderful things. As the warm water ran over his skin, he felt his anger washing away with it. Stupid to be so sentimental. He and Remus had never really spent a Christmas together before, and after Remus’s disastrous Christmas last year… he wasn’t sure how to finish that thought, but he decided it didn’t matter. And with what James had told him about the Muggle friends of the Fenwicks'… he shivered and decided that Christmas at the Potters was not what complaints were made of these days.
Really, everything was a matter of perspective.
***
For all the worry Sirius felt that morning, Christmas Day was as wonderful as the two before it, with the warmth and happiness that enveloped the Potter household. Stockings, carols, presents, and a Christmas dinner with goose and sugared cranberries sent the shadows of the morning fleeing, and he was left with the peace of the season.
The glitter and tinsel of the Christmas holiday eventually faded, but one moment remained with Sirius for months afterwards. It wasn’t James nearly catching them, or the terrible news about the Fenwick’s friends. It wasn’t the Potters’ tree or Mrs. Potter’s laughing hug or Mr. Potter ruffling his hair. It wasn’t James and Lily’s gift of pots and pans for his flat or Peter and Tina’s of pint glasses (which he had to admit was a much more fun idea than pots and pans. Honestly. Who gave pots and pans?).
It was when he’d settled in for the night, alone in a warm, snug flat that felt lonely as the Potters and the Pettigrews and the Lupins all curled up together, and Remus appeared suddenly, spinning in the fireplace as it glowed green.
He didn’t say anything emotional. No “I thought you might be lonely” or “I wanted to spend Christmas with you.” He just smiled and looked at the piece of Christmas cake in Sirius’s hand and said “That looks really good. Any chance you’ve got another piece?” And while Sirius didn’t, he did have a second fork and a spot beside him under the blanket and before the fire.
It was enough. For both of them.
***
March was positively miserable. Remus had always thought so, but March in London put spring in Scotland to shame for sheer amounts of wind, rain, and gray skies. Despite the fact it was ten in the morning, the lab was dim and gloomy because of the lack of sunlight from the outside. Remus was perched on a high stool, carefully dissecting the foot of the quintaped when an owl flew in.
“Post’s here,” he called out.
Caradoc emerged from his office, taking the post and tipping the owl. “Junk,” he sighed. “Just a lot of junk. Requests for money, a catalogue from Potent Potions company - like they’re reputable - oh, no. Not another paper by that nutter Briggs to review.” He sighed heavily. “And an official note from the Ministry. Why don’t I ever get any mail saying I’ve won a thousand Galleons in the Daily Prophet drawing or that I’m being awarded the Order of Merlin for my breakthrough research?” he groused.
Remus grinned and half-tuned out Caradoc’s monologue, turning his attention to the delicate work at hand. His ears only perked up when the prattle was cut off with silence.
“What is it?” he asked, pushing the tray away and turning to face Caradoc.
Caradoc was staring at the letter that had come from the Ministry; Remus could see the official seal on the edges that hung low.
“Caradoc?”
Caradoc shook his head and crumpled the paper. “Nothing. Nothing to worry about at all, lad. Just a little… nothing.” He tossed the paper into the fire where it shriveled and flared. “How’s that dissection coming?” He peered over Remus’s shoulder, prodding the foot on the dissecting tray and then examining the sketch at Remus’s elbow. “Good. Good. Now, listen. I want you to finish this this morning, and then this afternoon I want you to begin writing up what we’ve discovered.”
Remus drew back, blinking in surprise. “This afternoon? Don’t we still have more to do?”
“Yes, yes. But I think we have enough observations on the skeletal and muscular structure to publish a paper, and I think… yes, I think we should do that as soon as possible. Use the articles in Beasts Bimonthly as a guide, and take a look at their guidelines of submission that authors must follow. And don’t worry too much, because I’ll go over it all with you and make sure everything is accurate and formatted correctly. I think we should try to have this done by the end of the week.”
“All right,” Remus agreed, noting with annoyance that it would probably mean some extremely long days. “I’ll get right on it.”
“Good. Good,” Caradoc repeated, clapping his hands together. “And now I’ll… I have some business to attend to in my office. Let me know if you have any questions.”
“All right.”
Caradoc walked back to his office, and Remus’s gaze deliberately avoided the fireplace, where the letter from the Ministry was now nothing more than a pile of ash.
***
“I can’t believe you’re dragging me here,” Remus said, standing in front of the building that had just appeared between a dry cleaners and a shoe shop. “Wandwaver’s. Really, Sirius, it’s not very subtle.”
“I know. But the Lobalugs are playing here tonight. Besides I needed to get out of the flat for a while.”
Remus nodded, pulling his coat tighter around him to fend off the rain. “I still can’t believe they’re playing in a place like this.”
“Who am I to complain?” Sirius asked. “You ready?”
“Yeah. I’m ready.”
Together they walked into the club.
Remus’s first impression was that they were in the wrong place. The club looked exactly like the one they’d been to the night the Death Eaters attacked, and the one near Diagon Alley that Peter and Tina had dragged them all to, and the one that the Wimborne Wasps frequented after a home victory. All the elements were there: a bar, small tables crowded together, smoke, and a band on the stage. There were couples dancing and people talking and laughing and just relaxing on a cold rainy March night. It wasn’t a gay bar, it was just a bar populated mainly by men, Remus decided. The tension ebbed from his shoulders a little bit. Sirius seemed relaxed and at ease, although there was an edge to his laughter and his shoulders were thrown back defiantly, daring anyone to recognize him as the eldest son of the Black family and a current Ministry employee. Remus would have been perfectly happy to slink to a corner table and be an anonymous face, but Sirius managed to commander one right beside the dance floor.
“Better view of the stage,” he shouted to Remus over the noise.
Perhaps, but it put them right in everyone’s view as well. Wandwaver’s did not attract as large a crowd as other places, and Remus hadn’t really expected it to. But he kept his eyes fixed on the table and the beer bottle in his hands or on Sirius himself.
“This group is awful,” Sirius opined suddenly as he gestured to the opening act that was performing. "The Weird Sisters. What kind of a name is that?”
“Better than the Lobalugs,” Remus shot back, affecting a shudder.
“You only say that because you don’t like Poky.”
“Too right! That little bugger bit me again today!”
“Again? That’s what? The twenty-first time?”
“Twenty-second. I swear, if Caradoc doesn’t get rid of that thing soon, he’s going to come in and find bagels with lobalug and cream cheese.”
Sirius snorted. “A new delicacy, to be sure. Although I think I’d stick with lobalug and chips.”
“Or maybe a nice cream sauce, although that’s too good a fate for Poky,” Remus laughed. “Needless to say, I had a trip to St. Mungo’s. Lily says hello.”
Sirius groaned. “She didn’t say anything about the color of my robe for the wedding, did she?”
“No. Why would she?”
“Daft bloody woman is crazy,” Sirius said, taking a deep sip from his beer bottle. “She changes her mind every four hours. If she keeps it up I’m just going to go starkers.”
Remus considered this. “While I would appreciate that greatly, maybe you shouldn’t traumatize the bridesmaids,” he conceded glumly.
“Or McGonagall,” Sirius agreed with a wicked grin. “Oh good. These bints are finishing.”
Remus nodded and relaxed, leaning back in his chair. The truth was that no one particularly seemed to care about the two young men sitting together in the front, except a few glances that were undisguised in their sexual intent. No one was whispering behind their hands or pointing, and probably no one was speculating. It was all Remus’s imagination. By the time the Lobalugs took the stage, he felt right at home.
The Lobalugs were a band Sirius had been fond of since his fourth year at Hogwarts, and James, Peter, and Remus were at least fluent in their music by default. They played forceful, exciting music that reminded Remus of Queen. He’d quite liked them before, but listening to them on the Wizarding Wireless Network was nothing like seeing them play live.
Or trying to see them live. As the band started playing, the crowd moved to the dance floor, blocking Sirius and Remus’s view.
“Come on, Moony,” Sirius insisted, standing up and holding out his hand. “Let’s get closer.”
Remus eyed the dance floor dubiously. “Sirius, I can’t dance.”
Sirius snorted. “Neither can I. But it can’t be that hard. Come on. Grab your beer and let’s go!”
With an unsure smile and a shrug, Remus put his hand in Sirius’s and obeyed.
It was hot and sweaty on the dance floor, and Remus found it disorienting. The smoke in the air was starting to hang thick, and the smell of cigarettes, liquor, and human bodies was suffocating. Remus moved closer to Sirius, who was moving in time with the music. He looked around him nervously, but like before he noticed no one on the floor was watching him. Their attention was fixed on the band. He also now noticed that many of the other men weren’t exactly the greatest dancers either, with stiff jerky motions and uncoordinated, silly-looking moves. Next to him Sirius smiled down at him, and this time Remus returned the smile fully.
Sirius had a natural knack for dancing, Remus decided as he watched his hips move as the band played. He wished he was as graceful, but when the music slowed and Sirius pulled him into his body, holding him flush against him, envy faded and everything felt right.
They didn’t speak as they danced close to each other, but Remus could feel Sirius’s heart beating against his, slow and strong. Wandwaver’s suddenly seemed different than any place Remus had ever been to; the people around them had no expectations, and the pair of them dancing so closely didn’t raise any eyebrows. He rested his head against Sirius’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
***
The show was to last for over two hours, and with the amount of beer both of them were drinking trips to the bog were inevitable. Sirius watched Remus move away, blending into the crowd as an anonymous form before he turned back to the band on stage. The music was loud and pulsing and had a magic all its own.
Sirius was suddenly aware of a pair of blue eyes looking directly into his. The eyes belonged to a slender blond man with an amazing smile and a toned body that was clearly shown off by Muggle clothing, despite the wand in his back pocket. It took Sirius a moment to realize that the warmth he felt was attraction.
Something in Sirius’s body language must have betrayed his thoughts, because before he knew it the blond was beside him, brushing against him as they danced. Conversation was unnecessary (and impossible given their proximity to the stage). He could see Remus over the blond’s shoulder as they danced, looking admittedly plain and ordinary as he chatted rather animatedly with a bloke standing at the bar. Remus lifted his chin and smiled at him, laughing with his eyes. Sirius wasn’t quite sure why.
He wasn’t sure through four songs where he danced with the blond and laughed and flirted, and Remus did the same over by the bar. But when the music slowed again, his eyes were inexorably drawn from the gorgeous man in front of him to the plain one standing twenty feet away. Remus crooked one finger at him, and that was enough for Sirius to excuse himself to his disappointed partner. As he crossed the floor, he knew exactly why Remus was amused.
“You knew I’d come running, didn’t you?” he said as he and Remus tangled together. “Honestly, Moony. You could have put a little effort into it.”
“Didn’t need to,” Remus shot back, his eyes sparkling in the dim light. “Not after the fuss you put up over Frank Longbottom a few months back. Besides, at least I didn’t slap my legs and whistle for Padfoot.”
Sirius ducked his head into Remus’s shoulder to hide the laughter. “It would have worked.”
“I know it,” Remus said, smug and assured now. It was the voice Sirius was only used to hearing Remus use after sex. He liked hearing it here and now, in his ear on a dance floor. He liked having that blond bloke watch them, confusion and jealousy and eventually resignation on his face. He liked being able to hold Remus like this, not caring about who was watching. He liked the way Remus fit neatly into his arms, his head nestled against his shoulder so Sirius could rest his cheek against his hair. He liked Remus’s arms around him, holding him close so casually, as if them dancing together was an everyday experience. More than anything, he liked the feeling that the two of them were the only ones in the world that mattered.
Then it all shattered with the appearance of a holographic silver phoenix.
***
They had Apparated instantaneously, and yet it seemed like it was almost over when they got there. There could only have been minutes- seconds, really, Remus thought- of wands flashing and hexes flying, shouts and groans and blood. He couldn’t remember it at all and he didn’t want to, because those harsh voices and the scream of a woman and the scent of blood and charred hair in his nostrils sent him back to a November pavement and pain shooting down every nerve. So it was only when Moody and Gideon Prewett were shouting back and forth about needing to get people to St. Mungo’s and pressure and tourniquets and healing spells that they were standing in an alley with char marks marring the buildings and it was March again, and real.
Four people attacked, all Order Members. Dedalus Diggle was panting and mopping his forehead with a handkerchief. Emmeline Vance was crumpled on the ground, her blonde hair covering her face and matted with blood; Dorcas Meadows was kneeling beside her, staunching the flow of blood from a wound and ignoring a freely bleeding cut on her own forehead. And George Hipworth, lying on his back with his eyes wide open, staring at nothing.
Remus turned away and vomited quietly into a corner.
When he became aware of his surroundings again, a warm, soothing hand was on his back, helping him stand, handing him a conjured glass of water. He leaned back into the solid warmth of the body, only to find it slighter than he expected.
“You okay?” James asked.
Remus wanted to nod, to laugh, to reassure him, to be casual and brisk and flip and confident like they had once been, but he could only shake his head.
“Come on.” James led him away from the alley, and helped him to sit on the ground, settling down beside him.
“Where’s Lily?” Remus finally managed to ask.
“On shift at St. Mungo’s. Probably best that way, all things considered.”
“Yes.” Remus fumbled for the ring Lily had given him, which he wore on a chain around his neck. “How many were there?” he asked, as feeling came back into his limbs.
“Ten. They actually killed two of them.”
“Really? I didn’t see that.”
“Your dad and Christine Kinns were here. They got the bodies out of here as quick as they could.”
“Oh.”
“They figure they should be able to identify the bodies, and if they’re lucky there might be some indication of who they were with.”
Remus nodded.
“Remus, I never said it, but thank you. Thank you for being there the night you and Lily were attacked.” James’s arm around his shoulders was steady. Too steady, Remus thought. James had no idea of the horror of that night, of… of.
“Can we not talk about it?” he asked, his voice strained and taut.
“All right.” And the arm fell away as James realized he’d crossed a boundary Remus didn’t want crossed. They sat in silence, listening to the low, urgent voices in the alley. “Lily won’t talk about it either,” James said finally, after so long a silence Remus had nearly forgotten.
“It’s not something you talk about, I guess.”
“Yeah. I just wish she would.”
Here was where he was meant to say something reassuring. Perhaps he should tell James about his own experience, and how he couldn’t even say anything to Sirius. How Peter’s eyes looked when he’d seen them afterwards, how Tina hadn’t known what to say. Maybe he should tell James about the all consuming guilt that he should have known better, should have listened more to Moody, should have been able to get them away quicker, should have been able to dodge the Crucio, should have been able to get to Lily first. Now was the time to tell James just how bad it had been, so James could be gentle and insistent and understanding when Lily finally broke down and told him. This was the opportunity, and he couldn’t say a thing.
James sighed and stood up, and then offered a hand down to Remus. “Shall we go see what Padfoot is up to?”
Remus took the hand, letting James pull him to his feet. “He’s probably charging them all down, roaring at the top of his lungs. Wormtail make it here?”
“I heard him right as you went off. I didn’t hear why he was late.” James put his hand between Remus’s shoulder blades and guided him back. “I think he’s scared.”
Remus snorted. “Do you blame him?”
“Yes.” Remus looked at James, startled. “Well, not how you think. Look, Moony. I know you won’t say it, but I know you were terrified tonight.”
“Prongs-“ Remus interrupted, not convinced his stomach wasn’t going to rebel again.
“And you should be,” James rushed on. “But you came as soon as you were called and you fought. You did what you had to do, even though you were scared.” Remus bowed his head. “Peter still needs to learn to do that.”
“Come on,” Remus chided. “Be nice.”
“There’s a difference between nice and truthful. I don’t blame Peter. But…” James trailed off, shrugging. “That’s the way it is.”
“I guess.” Remus looked up as Sirius and Peter both headed for them. “What’s happening now?”
“Dumbledore said you and James can take off, but come round to the Dragon Rider tomorrow,” Sirius said. “Wormtail and I are going to stick around and help out here. He’s got some stuff he wants us to do.”
“All right. Moony, do you need help getting home?” James asked.
Pride drew Remus’s spine up straight. “Not at all. I’ll be fine, Prongs.” Both James and Sirius smiled at him with approval. He was able to grin as he Apparated home, changed out of his smoky clothes, and climb into the small bed that squeaked when he moved too much. And the next morning, he refused to remember Lily’s screams.
***
“So where were you two last night, anyway?” James asked the next day. Seven of them- James and Lily, Frank and Alice, Peter, and Remus and Sirius- had decided to stay at the Dragon Rider Pub for lunch after the meeting. “We tried to owl you, but neither of you were home.”
“We just went out,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand.
“Drinking again?” Lily snorted.
“Yeah. Went to the Leaky Cauldron.”
There was a silence over the table, and Frank subtly shook his head at Remus.
“No you weren’t,” James said. “That’s where we all went. You weren’t there.”
“Oh.” Sirius looked at Remus, panicking, and Remus sighed.
“Fine. We went to Wandwaver’s.”
James and Peter both exploded into laughter, and Lily and Alice giggled. Frank was watching them with concerned, wide eyes.
“Why,” James sputtered, when he could speak, “would you ever go in there?”
“The Lobalugs were playing,” Remus said defensively. “We wanted to hear them.”
“Yeah, but at a hangout for queers?” James asked incredulously.
“I wish you’d told us,” Lily groused. “I would have liked to have gone.”
“Lily,” Peter explained patiently. “It’s a gay club. For gay wizards.”
“So? Remus and Sirius went.”
Sirius kicked Alice under the table before the others noticed her smirk. She schooled her features back into… well, it was still a smirk, but it wasn’t an obvious one.
“Besides,” Lily continued, “I’ll bet there’s no line for the ladies’.”
Remus shrugged. “Didn’t notice.”
“So what was it like?” James asked. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and shrugged. “No, really. Tell me. Was everyone naked?”
“Um, no.”
“I’ve heard that at clubs like that it’s like an orgy,” Peter contributed. “With all kinds of sex toys and whips and chains.”
Sirius goggled at him. “Where did you hear that?”
Peter shrugged. “Everybody says it.”
“Did a lot of guys try to hit on you?” James asked. “I mean, did they come up and start groping you?”
“One guy asked me if I wanted to go home with him,” Remus said, and Sirius controlled his choke, “but I said I was there with a friend and he left the subject. He was sure a lot less annoying than you when you were stalking Evans here.”
“It worked,” James pointed out.
Remus’s head thudded gently against the table.
“Would you two grow up?” Sirius finally snapped. “It was a club. There was a band playing and booze for sale and a lot of guys dancing and talking. Everyone was wearing clothing and maybe people were kissing-“
“Oh gross,” Peter said.
“I’ll bet they were doing more than kissing, but you just won’t tell us,” James taunted.
“No, we’ve been there,” Alice finally spoke up. “You two must have a really distorted view of reality if you think people have orgies in a place where anyone could walk in.”
“But people like that have different morals than we do,” James insisted.
“Potter, shut up before I smack you in the head,” Frank drawled. “You sound like an idiot.”
James looked at Sirius and must have seen something of the anger in Sirius’s eyes, because he subsided for a few minutes, focusing on the remains of his sandwich. But his silence didn’t last for long.
“So are you two ever going to move in together or what?”
Remus choked on the chip he was chewing and Sirius snarfed beer out his nose as Lily pounded Remus on the back. “Oh, that HURT, you prat!” Sirius said. “What did you say?”
“You laugh at us for going to Wandwaver’s, and then in the next breath ask us if we’re going to shack up?” Remus demanded.
“Sheesh, no. I was trying to change the subject,” James said, hands raised defensively. “I mean, you two go out all the time and when you get pissed Remus always spends the night and Padfoot’s flat is big enough for the both of you… why not just be roommates and save money?”
Sirius’s pulse slowed. For one heart-stopping, terrifying minute he’d thought….
“Sorry, Prongs,” Remus said. “Just touchy. But I already have a place.”
“It’s a rathole,” Peter muttered.
“And you should know,” Remus retorted. “It’s not that bad. Honestly, Mum says it’s like what she had when she started school.”
“It would be easy to get out of your lease,” James said. “Just tell your landlord you’re a werewolf.”
“True,” Remus grudgingly admitted.
“And Sirius wouldn’t mind,” Peter volunteered.
“I’d be annoyed, but you’re right,” Sirius grumbled.
“So why not?” James asked.
Neither of them had an answer to that.
***
"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked later that night as they lay on the floor of his flat and played a game of Scrabble.
"Mmm?" Remus's eyes were fixed on his tiles, as they had been for the past five minutes.
"What did you think of James's suggestion?"
"Which one? He had several, and most of them were stupid." He moved as if to actually take his turn, and then stopped.
"Would you go already?" Sirius demanded. Remus heaved a sigh and began to put his tiles down. "Absolve?" Sirius asked incredulously. "You made me wait ten-"
"Five."
"Minutes for a seven letter word? Why didn't you put it down earlier?"
"It only gets me sixteen points," Remus groused, drawing six new tiles. "So which suggestion?"
"That we move in together to save money."
"Oh. Hmmm. I don't know. What do you think?"
"I asked you first."
"It was typical James, I suppose," Remus said, evading the question in a manner that was typically Remus.
"It was better than some of his other ideas," Sirius admitted.
"Yeah. Are you going?"
"After all the time you spent last turn? Even if I had a word, I wouldn't put it down for another three minutes at least. Just out of principle." He fidgeted with a tile. "It would save money," he eventually said.
Remus looked up in surprise. "Do you need to?"
"Who doesn't? I mean, I have the inheritance Uncle Alphard left me, but it's not that much."
Remus chewed his bottom lip. "I am here three nights a week."
"At least." Sirius's eyes wandered to the carpet. "I wouldn't mind if you were here more." When he looked back up at Remus, Remus was also focused on the floor, but the tops of his ears and his cheeks were red, like always when he was extremely pleased and embarrassed. Sirius allowed himself a small smile and began putting down his own word.
A few turns passed in silence. Then Remus said, "You know, if we weren't…" he fumbled for the words that normally would come easily.
"Sleeping together," Sirius filled in.
"Yeah. Anyway, if we weren't, and the idea of being roommates came up, I'd jump at it in a second. I mean, you're my best friend and I've survived living with you for seven years before this. So why am I even debating it now?"
"Because we are sleeping together, and it feels like taking the next step and living together, I guess," Sirius said glumly. "I see what you mean. Domestic-y and picking out sheets and towels."
Remus wrinkled his nose. "Commitment and marriage talk and arguing over who takes out the trash and who left his socks on the floor again."
"We'd have to sit around in front of the fire and stare into each other's eyes," Sirius said, warming to the theme. Remus made a gagging noise. "And roses and calling if we're going to be late."
"I mean, I'm not shagging anyone else," Remus said, sitting up in his earnestness. "I don't want to."
"Me either."
"But I like the way things are now. I like that I have my own life and my own space and all that. I like us being friends. I like not being SiriusandRemus all in one word. I like being on my own."
"Exactly!" Sirius exclaimed, punching his fist in the air to emphasize the point. "I don't want to be accountable to you."
"I don't want to be dependent on you."
"I don't want to be tied down."
"I don't want to be propped up."
They grinned at each other. "So we'll keep going as we are?" Sirius asked.
"I think so. Don't you?"
"Yes. Now go again. Honestly, you take longer at this game than anyone I know."
They both settled back down to the Scrabble board, telling themselves they were relieved and congratulating each other on being clear headed and thinking the same way. It was wonderful how great minds thought alike.
Both of them ignored the nagging disappointment until it was buried under everything else.
Part 2 of Part 6
Here it is in all it's glory, Part 6. Good news- it's actually pretty happy. I wouldn't go so far to say fluffy, but happy.
It's rated PG-13, for some talk of sex and swearing and stuff like that.
And an apology is necessary.
Somewhere along the line in my hours of R/S fic reading, I came across the name "Wandwaver's" for a gay club. I used it as a joke in Part 4. Well, Wandwaver's decided to make an appearance again. I couldn't come up with another name because I figured there probably are not that many gay wizarding clubs in London, and it HAD to be a Wizarding club. So I had to use Wandwaver's. So whoever came up with the name, I deeply apologize for swiping it. I really didn't think it was going to make an appearance again like this. ::Sigh::
Anyway. Thanks to
aome and cloudlessnights and anyone else I'm forgetting for the beta-ing!Part VI- Eye of the Storm
There was nothing- absolutely nothing- better than this, Sirius decided. Not Quidditch, not shepherd’s pie, not running through autumn leaves or full moon adventures or- oh who cared? Nothing was better than Remus’s warm weight against his legs, his mouth moving slowly on him as awareness dawned with the cold winter morning. Sirius gave up thinking and surrendered to the slow lazy pleasure of the attentions, tangling his fingers in Remus’s hair.
“Merry Christmas!” a familiar voice called from the living room.
They both froze, Remus’s eyes comically wide as he looked up at Sirius in shock, his lips still halfway down Sirius’s cock. “Shit!” Sirius whispered, and then they were both flying out of bed, dashing around the bedroom, pulling on t-shirts and shorts and pulling the covers up on the bed in haste.
“Padfoot, you lazy prat, are you still in bed?” James demanded. The bedroom door was flung open and James and Lily stood on the threshold.
“My goodness,” Lily said, looking around the room and wrinkling her nose, “you’re an absolute slob, Black.”
“Yes. Yes I am,” Sirius said proudly, leaning against the chest of drawers that he’d salvaged from a second-hand shop.
“Moony,” James said, brow furrowed. “I didn’t know you were here. Aren’t you supposed to be at your parents’ today?”
“I’m headed over there soon,” Remus said, running a hand through his hair and trying to neaten it. He glanced at Sirius, and the look in his eyes was one Sirius knew well. We need to talk our way out of deep shit.
“We were drinking last night,” Sirius offered, not technically lying. His heartbeat was slowing back down to normal and he thought he might be able to breathe properly now. “It was easier for Moony to stay here than try to Apparate back.”
“You two are turning into drunks,” James decided, and the crisis was averted. “We brought you Christmas breakfast before we go over to my parents’ place. There should be enough for you, too, Remus.”
“Thanks.” Remus was gathering up rumpled clothing. “Sirius, do you mind if I use your shower before I go?” And just like that, Remus had slipped out of the room, clothes clutched in front of him, leaving Sirius to deal with James, Lily, and the dull ache of sexual frustration.
“I can’t believe this place,” Lily was saying. “I mean, I’m not the neatest person, but this is bloody unbelievable. Did you know you have two pairs of pants out in the living room?”
Oops. Sirius scowled at her, hoping that James wasn’t well-versed enough in what Remus’s pants looked like as opposed to Sirius’s. “Prongs, can you shut your future wife up for a moment? I’m a man dealing with a hangover and kicked out of his own shower, so I would appreciate a little silence for a moment.”
“A little whiny today, Sirius?” James taunted, but grabbed Lily by the arm and pulled her out. “We’ll get breakfast on the table.”
Sirius dressed hurriedly and organized his hair into something resembling neatness, and finally let out a sigh of relief. That had been close. Too close. And as much as a part of him longed to tell James about himself and Remus, he wasn’t remotely delusional enough to think that the best way for James to find out would be to catch him in the middle of receiving a blow job. (And damn Prongs for interrupting that!)
“That smells good,” he said as he wandered out to the kitchen, where James and Lily were unpacking a hot breakfast. “Really good.”
“Thanks,” James said, properly pleased. “I think I’ve finally got the hang of bacon.”
Sirius picked up a piece and bitinto it. “Almost as good as a house-elf’s,” he said, plopping himself down in a chair. “So Evans. Did he do this himself or did you have mercy on him?”
“He did it himself!” Lily insisted. “We left as soon as I came over.”
“I still don’t understand why you don’t live there,” Sirius muttered. “You’re getting married and everything.”
“It’s a matter of principle,” Lily said primly.
“And parents,” James added.
The plumbing shuddered as Remus shut the shower off, and Sirius willed him to hurry because his stomach was now growling. Lily also brightened.
“I’ll be back. I want to talk to Remus alone for a minute.”
Sirius looked at James, eyebrows raised inquisitively as she hustled off. “What’s that all about?”
“She’s got something for him, I think. She says it’s a joke gift. I told her we wouldn’t see him today, but she brought it along anyway.” James thumped down into the seat across from Sirius, and up close Sirius could see dark circles under his eyes.
“Are you all right?” he asked, concerned. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping much.”
“Yeah. It’s just… well, Benjy Fenwick sent out a distress signal last night.”
“I didn’t get it.”
“No. I think you were out of range. He was down near the Evans’s. Lily and I both responded.”
“How’d it go?”
“By the time we got there it was almost over. He’s in St. Mungo’s for the holiday. I’m not sure what curse they used on him, but it was nasty.” James’s fingers tapped a complicated, nervous rhythm on the table. “And so’s Alice.”
A cold chill settled uncomfortably in the pit of Sirius’s stomach. “Is she all right?”
“Yeah, she was in better shape than Benjy. Man, you should have seen her though. There were about ten of them, and I think she must have taken out about six of them herself. Two of them with her bare hands - you could see the bruises.”
Sirius grinned. “Don’t cross Alice,” he said. “Where were they?”
“Down in Southampton. They were visiting some friends of their parents.” James picked up a salt shaker, fiddling with it. “The friends were Muggles.”
Sirius rubbed his temples. “Something tells me I don’t want to hear this on Christmas morning.”
“You don’t,” James said. “But I’m going to tell you anyway.”
***
Lily had given Remus enough time to dress before she opened the door hesitantly.
“Remus?”
“I’m hurrying,” Remus insisted, his voice muffled by the towel he was using to dry his hair. “Tell Sirius the shower’s free.”
“Sirius is talking to James.”
“Oh.” Remus pushed the towel back, leaving his hair sticking straight up. “What do you think? All I need is goggles and I could be Prongs.”
Lily giggled. “The resemblance is striking,” she agreed, even though they both knew it was anything but. Remus began combing his hair down, watching Lily who seemed a bit uncomfortable now that the giggles had faded.
“What is it?”
“I have something for you,” she said, pulling a small box from her pocket. “A Christmas present.”
“Oh.” Remus put the comb down and rooted through his bag. “I have something for you, too.” He came up with a box wrapped in red paper. “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you today or not, so I brought it just in case.”
Lily took the box and at his gesture opened it, then pulled out a pair of barrettes. They were silver, with flowers etched into them. “It’s not much,” Remus admitted. “But I kind of thought, well, with everything in November and you knowing about me and all… it kind of makes you…” he trailed off, completely unable to say what he wanted to say.
Lily smiled. “Thank you. Here.” She handed him her own box and he took it, surprisingly nervous.
Inside was a small ring, just big enough to fit around his pinky. It was gold, and imbedded with a black stone he didn’t recognize. It was nothing like he’d ever worn, but he put it on anyway.
“I wanted to say thank you, too,” Lily said quietly. “For everything in November.” She reached out and linked his pinky with hers.
“I didn’t do anything,” Remus said, the words forming a hard lump in his throat and choking him. “Lily….”
Lily shook her head, and Remus could see tears hanging in her green eyes. And he had absolutely no idea of what to say.
Lily stepped closer and put her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. Automatically his arms went up around her, his hand soothing her gently as his mind frantically cast around for some intelligent remark. Something deep, meaningful, and healing.
But there was no remark, and the feeling of that pulled his feet out from under him and dragged him away, swirling in a current he couldn’t fight. He was aware that Lily was crying softly, looking to him for comfort and help and a million other things he hadn’t the first idea of how to provide. And he’d had no idea they would be expected, not on Christmas morning when he was due to arrive at his parents’ in an hour. It was as out of the blue and unexpected as the original attack, and a tiny unworthy but still present voice in his head cried that it was just as unfair.
“Come on, Lily,” he murmured softly, patting her hair. “It’s going to be all right. It’s Christmas. Put your smile back on.”
Lily’s soft sobs ebbed to snuffles, and as she pulled away she wiped her cheeks on her hands and smiled. There was something about that smile… Remus couldn’t put his finger on it, but he instinctively knew he’d said the wrong thing. But nothing else came to him and the opportunity was slipping through his grasp as Lily’s smile became more genuine.
“Right,” she said. “It is Christmas. And thank you so much for the barrettes. They’re lovely. Shall we go make sure that James and Sirius haven’t burnt the place down?”
He kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her shoulder, but he tucked the ring she had given him into his pocket.
***
Sirius’s fingers were threaded through his own hair as he cradled his head in his hands. “That’s horrible,” he said, his voice hoarse. And yet, what was most horrible was that the reports of slaughtered Muggles and injured wizards were exactly what he was coming to expect.
“Are you all right?” James asked worriedly.
Sirius pulled himself together. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. It’s just….”
“I know.”
“But on the other hand, it happens so often these days, if you let it bother you every time you’d just fall apart, y’know?”
“I definitely know.”
Sirius shook his head, and then brightened considerably as Remus and Lily emerged from the bedroom.
“Shower’s all yours, Pads,” Remus said casually, already poking his nose into a covered dish. “I’m not sure how much longer I should stay. My parents are expecting me.”
A sudden coldness swept over Sirius as he realized that Remus was going home. Well, not home, as Remus now defined home as that poky little flat that he was so proud of, but to his parents’ house. But the result was the same- he wouldn’t be with Remus for Christmas Day. And for just a moment he hated James and his smug, perfect, perky, and ever-nauseating relationship with Evans.
“I’ll be back,” he muttered at the other three and stomped off to the shower.
Showers were wonderful things. As the warm water ran over his skin, he felt his anger washing away with it. Stupid to be so sentimental. He and Remus had never really spent a Christmas together before, and after Remus’s disastrous Christmas last year… he wasn’t sure how to finish that thought, but he decided it didn’t matter. And with what James had told him about the Muggle friends of the Fenwicks'… he shivered and decided that Christmas at the Potters was not what complaints were made of these days.
Really, everything was a matter of perspective.
***
For all the worry Sirius felt that morning, Christmas Day was as wonderful as the two before it, with the warmth and happiness that enveloped the Potter household. Stockings, carols, presents, and a Christmas dinner with goose and sugared cranberries sent the shadows of the morning fleeing, and he was left with the peace of the season.
The glitter and tinsel of the Christmas holiday eventually faded, but one moment remained with Sirius for months afterwards. It wasn’t James nearly catching them, or the terrible news about the Fenwick’s friends. It wasn’t the Potters’ tree or Mrs. Potter’s laughing hug or Mr. Potter ruffling his hair. It wasn’t James and Lily’s gift of pots and pans for his flat or Peter and Tina’s of pint glasses (which he had to admit was a much more fun idea than pots and pans. Honestly. Who gave pots and pans?).
It was when he’d settled in for the night, alone in a warm, snug flat that felt lonely as the Potters and the Pettigrews and the Lupins all curled up together, and Remus appeared suddenly, spinning in the fireplace as it glowed green.
He didn’t say anything emotional. No “I thought you might be lonely” or “I wanted to spend Christmas with you.” He just smiled and looked at the piece of Christmas cake in Sirius’s hand and said “That looks really good. Any chance you’ve got another piece?” And while Sirius didn’t, he did have a second fork and a spot beside him under the blanket and before the fire.
It was enough. For both of them.
***
March was positively miserable. Remus had always thought so, but March in London put spring in Scotland to shame for sheer amounts of wind, rain, and gray skies. Despite the fact it was ten in the morning, the lab was dim and gloomy because of the lack of sunlight from the outside. Remus was perched on a high stool, carefully dissecting the foot of the quintaped when an owl flew in.
“Post’s here,” he called out.
Caradoc emerged from his office, taking the post and tipping the owl. “Junk,” he sighed. “Just a lot of junk. Requests for money, a catalogue from Potent Potions company - like they’re reputable - oh, no. Not another paper by that nutter Briggs to review.” He sighed heavily. “And an official note from the Ministry. Why don’t I ever get any mail saying I’ve won a thousand Galleons in the Daily Prophet drawing or that I’m being awarded the Order of Merlin for my breakthrough research?” he groused.
Remus grinned and half-tuned out Caradoc’s monologue, turning his attention to the delicate work at hand. His ears only perked up when the prattle was cut off with silence.
“What is it?” he asked, pushing the tray away and turning to face Caradoc.
Caradoc was staring at the letter that had come from the Ministry; Remus could see the official seal on the edges that hung low.
“Caradoc?”
Caradoc shook his head and crumpled the paper. “Nothing. Nothing to worry about at all, lad. Just a little… nothing.” He tossed the paper into the fire where it shriveled and flared. “How’s that dissection coming?” He peered over Remus’s shoulder, prodding the foot on the dissecting tray and then examining the sketch at Remus’s elbow. “Good. Good. Now, listen. I want you to finish this this morning, and then this afternoon I want you to begin writing up what we’ve discovered.”
Remus drew back, blinking in surprise. “This afternoon? Don’t we still have more to do?”
“Yes, yes. But I think we have enough observations on the skeletal and muscular structure to publish a paper, and I think… yes, I think we should do that as soon as possible. Use the articles in Beasts Bimonthly as a guide, and take a look at their guidelines of submission that authors must follow. And don’t worry too much, because I’ll go over it all with you and make sure everything is accurate and formatted correctly. I think we should try to have this done by the end of the week.”
“All right,” Remus agreed, noting with annoyance that it would probably mean some extremely long days. “I’ll get right on it.”
“Good. Good,” Caradoc repeated, clapping his hands together. “And now I’ll… I have some business to attend to in my office. Let me know if you have any questions.”
“All right.”
Caradoc walked back to his office, and Remus’s gaze deliberately avoided the fireplace, where the letter from the Ministry was now nothing more than a pile of ash.
***
“I can’t believe you’re dragging me here,” Remus said, standing in front of the building that had just appeared between a dry cleaners and a shoe shop. “Wandwaver’s. Really, Sirius, it’s not very subtle.”
“I know. But the Lobalugs are playing here tonight. Besides I needed to get out of the flat for a while.”
Remus nodded, pulling his coat tighter around him to fend off the rain. “I still can’t believe they’re playing in a place like this.”
“Who am I to complain?” Sirius asked. “You ready?”
“Yeah. I’m ready.”
Together they walked into the club.
Remus’s first impression was that they were in the wrong place. The club looked exactly like the one they’d been to the night the Death Eaters attacked, and the one near Diagon Alley that Peter and Tina had dragged them all to, and the one that the Wimborne Wasps frequented after a home victory. All the elements were there: a bar, small tables crowded together, smoke, and a band on the stage. There were couples dancing and people talking and laughing and just relaxing on a cold rainy March night. It wasn’t a gay bar, it was just a bar populated mainly by men, Remus decided. The tension ebbed from his shoulders a little bit. Sirius seemed relaxed and at ease, although there was an edge to his laughter and his shoulders were thrown back defiantly, daring anyone to recognize him as the eldest son of the Black family and a current Ministry employee. Remus would have been perfectly happy to slink to a corner table and be an anonymous face, but Sirius managed to commander one right beside the dance floor.
“Better view of the stage,” he shouted to Remus over the noise.
Perhaps, but it put them right in everyone’s view as well. Wandwaver’s did not attract as large a crowd as other places, and Remus hadn’t really expected it to. But he kept his eyes fixed on the table and the beer bottle in his hands or on Sirius himself.
“This group is awful,” Sirius opined suddenly as he gestured to the opening act that was performing. "The Weird Sisters. What kind of a name is that?”
“Better than the Lobalugs,” Remus shot back, affecting a shudder.
“You only say that because you don’t like Poky.”
“Too right! That little bugger bit me again today!”
“Again? That’s what? The twenty-first time?”
“Twenty-second. I swear, if Caradoc doesn’t get rid of that thing soon, he’s going to come in and find bagels with lobalug and cream cheese.”
Sirius snorted. “A new delicacy, to be sure. Although I think I’d stick with lobalug and chips.”
“Or maybe a nice cream sauce, although that’s too good a fate for Poky,” Remus laughed. “Needless to say, I had a trip to St. Mungo’s. Lily says hello.”
Sirius groaned. “She didn’t say anything about the color of my robe for the wedding, did she?”
“No. Why would she?”
“Daft bloody woman is crazy,” Sirius said, taking a deep sip from his beer bottle. “She changes her mind every four hours. If she keeps it up I’m just going to go starkers.”
Remus considered this. “While I would appreciate that greatly, maybe you shouldn’t traumatize the bridesmaids,” he conceded glumly.
“Or McGonagall,” Sirius agreed with a wicked grin. “Oh good. These bints are finishing.”
Remus nodded and relaxed, leaning back in his chair. The truth was that no one particularly seemed to care about the two young men sitting together in the front, except a few glances that were undisguised in their sexual intent. No one was whispering behind their hands or pointing, and probably no one was speculating. It was all Remus’s imagination. By the time the Lobalugs took the stage, he felt right at home.
The Lobalugs were a band Sirius had been fond of since his fourth year at Hogwarts, and James, Peter, and Remus were at least fluent in their music by default. They played forceful, exciting music that reminded Remus of Queen. He’d quite liked them before, but listening to them on the Wizarding Wireless Network was nothing like seeing them play live.
Or trying to see them live. As the band started playing, the crowd moved to the dance floor, blocking Sirius and Remus’s view.
“Come on, Moony,” Sirius insisted, standing up and holding out his hand. “Let’s get closer.”
Remus eyed the dance floor dubiously. “Sirius, I can’t dance.”
Sirius snorted. “Neither can I. But it can’t be that hard. Come on. Grab your beer and let’s go!”
With an unsure smile and a shrug, Remus put his hand in Sirius’s and obeyed.
It was hot and sweaty on the dance floor, and Remus found it disorienting. The smoke in the air was starting to hang thick, and the smell of cigarettes, liquor, and human bodies was suffocating. Remus moved closer to Sirius, who was moving in time with the music. He looked around him nervously, but like before he noticed no one on the floor was watching him. Their attention was fixed on the band. He also now noticed that many of the other men weren’t exactly the greatest dancers either, with stiff jerky motions and uncoordinated, silly-looking moves. Next to him Sirius smiled down at him, and this time Remus returned the smile fully.
Sirius had a natural knack for dancing, Remus decided as he watched his hips move as the band played. He wished he was as graceful, but when the music slowed and Sirius pulled him into his body, holding him flush against him, envy faded and everything felt right.
They didn’t speak as they danced close to each other, but Remus could feel Sirius’s heart beating against his, slow and strong. Wandwaver’s suddenly seemed different than any place Remus had ever been to; the people around them had no expectations, and the pair of them dancing so closely didn’t raise any eyebrows. He rested his head against Sirius’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
***
The show was to last for over two hours, and with the amount of beer both of them were drinking trips to the bog were inevitable. Sirius watched Remus move away, blending into the crowd as an anonymous form before he turned back to the band on stage. The music was loud and pulsing and had a magic all its own.
Sirius was suddenly aware of a pair of blue eyes looking directly into his. The eyes belonged to a slender blond man with an amazing smile and a toned body that was clearly shown off by Muggle clothing, despite the wand in his back pocket. It took Sirius a moment to realize that the warmth he felt was attraction.
Something in Sirius’s body language must have betrayed his thoughts, because before he knew it the blond was beside him, brushing against him as they danced. Conversation was unnecessary (and impossible given their proximity to the stage). He could see Remus over the blond’s shoulder as they danced, looking admittedly plain and ordinary as he chatted rather animatedly with a bloke standing at the bar. Remus lifted his chin and smiled at him, laughing with his eyes. Sirius wasn’t quite sure why.
He wasn’t sure through four songs where he danced with the blond and laughed and flirted, and Remus did the same over by the bar. But when the music slowed again, his eyes were inexorably drawn from the gorgeous man in front of him to the plain one standing twenty feet away. Remus crooked one finger at him, and that was enough for Sirius to excuse himself to his disappointed partner. As he crossed the floor, he knew exactly why Remus was amused.
“You knew I’d come running, didn’t you?” he said as he and Remus tangled together. “Honestly, Moony. You could have put a little effort into it.”
“Didn’t need to,” Remus shot back, his eyes sparkling in the dim light. “Not after the fuss you put up over Frank Longbottom a few months back. Besides, at least I didn’t slap my legs and whistle for Padfoot.”
Sirius ducked his head into Remus’s shoulder to hide the laughter. “It would have worked.”
“I know it,” Remus said, smug and assured now. It was the voice Sirius was only used to hearing Remus use after sex. He liked hearing it here and now, in his ear on a dance floor. He liked having that blond bloke watch them, confusion and jealousy and eventually resignation on his face. He liked being able to hold Remus like this, not caring about who was watching. He liked the way Remus fit neatly into his arms, his head nestled against his shoulder so Sirius could rest his cheek against his hair. He liked Remus’s arms around him, holding him close so casually, as if them dancing together was an everyday experience. More than anything, he liked the feeling that the two of them were the only ones in the world that mattered.
Then it all shattered with the appearance of a holographic silver phoenix.
***
They had Apparated instantaneously, and yet it seemed like it was almost over when they got there. There could only have been minutes- seconds, really, Remus thought- of wands flashing and hexes flying, shouts and groans and blood. He couldn’t remember it at all and he didn’t want to, because those harsh voices and the scream of a woman and the scent of blood and charred hair in his nostrils sent him back to a November pavement and pain shooting down every nerve. So it was only when Moody and Gideon Prewett were shouting back and forth about needing to get people to St. Mungo’s and pressure and tourniquets and healing spells that they were standing in an alley with char marks marring the buildings and it was March again, and real.
Four people attacked, all Order Members. Dedalus Diggle was panting and mopping his forehead with a handkerchief. Emmeline Vance was crumpled on the ground, her blonde hair covering her face and matted with blood; Dorcas Meadows was kneeling beside her, staunching the flow of blood from a wound and ignoring a freely bleeding cut on her own forehead. And George Hipworth, lying on his back with his eyes wide open, staring at nothing.
Remus turned away and vomited quietly into a corner.
When he became aware of his surroundings again, a warm, soothing hand was on his back, helping him stand, handing him a conjured glass of water. He leaned back into the solid warmth of the body, only to find it slighter than he expected.
“You okay?” James asked.
Remus wanted to nod, to laugh, to reassure him, to be casual and brisk and flip and confident like they had once been, but he could only shake his head.
“Come on.” James led him away from the alley, and helped him to sit on the ground, settling down beside him.
“Where’s Lily?” Remus finally managed to ask.
“On shift at St. Mungo’s. Probably best that way, all things considered.”
“Yes.” Remus fumbled for the ring Lily had given him, which he wore on a chain around his neck. “How many were there?” he asked, as feeling came back into his limbs.
“Ten. They actually killed two of them.”
“Really? I didn’t see that.”
“Your dad and Christine Kinns were here. They got the bodies out of here as quick as they could.”
“Oh.”
“They figure they should be able to identify the bodies, and if they’re lucky there might be some indication of who they were with.”
Remus nodded.
“Remus, I never said it, but thank you. Thank you for being there the night you and Lily were attacked.” James’s arm around his shoulders was steady. Too steady, Remus thought. James had no idea of the horror of that night, of… of.
“Can we not talk about it?” he asked, his voice strained and taut.
“All right.” And the arm fell away as James realized he’d crossed a boundary Remus didn’t want crossed. They sat in silence, listening to the low, urgent voices in the alley. “Lily won’t talk about it either,” James said finally, after so long a silence Remus had nearly forgotten.
“It’s not something you talk about, I guess.”
“Yeah. I just wish she would.”
Here was where he was meant to say something reassuring. Perhaps he should tell James about his own experience, and how he couldn’t even say anything to Sirius. How Peter’s eyes looked when he’d seen them afterwards, how Tina hadn’t known what to say. Maybe he should tell James about the all consuming guilt that he should have known better, should have listened more to Moody, should have been able to get them away quicker, should have been able to dodge the Crucio, should have been able to get to Lily first. Now was the time to tell James just how bad it had been, so James could be gentle and insistent and understanding when Lily finally broke down and told him. This was the opportunity, and he couldn’t say a thing.
James sighed and stood up, and then offered a hand down to Remus. “Shall we go see what Padfoot is up to?”
Remus took the hand, letting James pull him to his feet. “He’s probably charging them all down, roaring at the top of his lungs. Wormtail make it here?”
“I heard him right as you went off. I didn’t hear why he was late.” James put his hand between Remus’s shoulder blades and guided him back. “I think he’s scared.”
Remus snorted. “Do you blame him?”
“Yes.” Remus looked at James, startled. “Well, not how you think. Look, Moony. I know you won’t say it, but I know you were terrified tonight.”
“Prongs-“ Remus interrupted, not convinced his stomach wasn’t going to rebel again.
“And you should be,” James rushed on. “But you came as soon as you were called and you fought. You did what you had to do, even though you were scared.” Remus bowed his head. “Peter still needs to learn to do that.”
“Come on,” Remus chided. “Be nice.”
“There’s a difference between nice and truthful. I don’t blame Peter. But…” James trailed off, shrugging. “That’s the way it is.”
“I guess.” Remus looked up as Sirius and Peter both headed for them. “What’s happening now?”
“Dumbledore said you and James can take off, but come round to the Dragon Rider tomorrow,” Sirius said. “Wormtail and I are going to stick around and help out here. He’s got some stuff he wants us to do.”
“All right. Moony, do you need help getting home?” James asked.
Pride drew Remus’s spine up straight. “Not at all. I’ll be fine, Prongs.” Both James and Sirius smiled at him with approval. He was able to grin as he Apparated home, changed out of his smoky clothes, and climb into the small bed that squeaked when he moved too much. And the next morning, he refused to remember Lily’s screams.
***
“So where were you two last night, anyway?” James asked the next day. Seven of them- James and Lily, Frank and Alice, Peter, and Remus and Sirius- had decided to stay at the Dragon Rider Pub for lunch after the meeting. “We tried to owl you, but neither of you were home.”
“We just went out,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand.
“Drinking again?” Lily snorted.
“Yeah. Went to the Leaky Cauldron.”
There was a silence over the table, and Frank subtly shook his head at Remus.
“No you weren’t,” James said. “That’s where we all went. You weren’t there.”
“Oh.” Sirius looked at Remus, panicking, and Remus sighed.
“Fine. We went to Wandwaver’s.”
James and Peter both exploded into laughter, and Lily and Alice giggled. Frank was watching them with concerned, wide eyes.
“Why,” James sputtered, when he could speak, “would you ever go in there?”
“The Lobalugs were playing,” Remus said defensively. “We wanted to hear them.”
“Yeah, but at a hangout for queers?” James asked incredulously.
“I wish you’d told us,” Lily groused. “I would have liked to have gone.”
“Lily,” Peter explained patiently. “It’s a gay club. For gay wizards.”
“So? Remus and Sirius went.”
Sirius kicked Alice under the table before the others noticed her smirk. She schooled her features back into… well, it was still a smirk, but it wasn’t an obvious one.
“Besides,” Lily continued, “I’ll bet there’s no line for the ladies’.”
Remus shrugged. “Didn’t notice.”
“So what was it like?” James asked. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and shrugged. “No, really. Tell me. Was everyone naked?”
“Um, no.”
“I’ve heard that at clubs like that it’s like an orgy,” Peter contributed. “With all kinds of sex toys and whips and chains.”
Sirius goggled at him. “Where did you hear that?”
Peter shrugged. “Everybody says it.”
“Did a lot of guys try to hit on you?” James asked. “I mean, did they come up and start groping you?”
“One guy asked me if I wanted to go home with him,” Remus said, and Sirius controlled his choke, “but I said I was there with a friend and he left the subject. He was sure a lot less annoying than you when you were stalking Evans here.”
“It worked,” James pointed out.
Remus’s head thudded gently against the table.
“Would you two grow up?” Sirius finally snapped. “It was a club. There was a band playing and booze for sale and a lot of guys dancing and talking. Everyone was wearing clothing and maybe people were kissing-“
“Oh gross,” Peter said.
“I’ll bet they were doing more than kissing, but you just won’t tell us,” James taunted.
“No, we’ve been there,” Alice finally spoke up. “You two must have a really distorted view of reality if you think people have orgies in a place where anyone could walk in.”
“But people like that have different morals than we do,” James insisted.
“Potter, shut up before I smack you in the head,” Frank drawled. “You sound like an idiot.”
James looked at Sirius and must have seen something of the anger in Sirius’s eyes, because he subsided for a few minutes, focusing on the remains of his sandwich. But his silence didn’t last for long.
“So are you two ever going to move in together or what?”
Remus choked on the chip he was chewing and Sirius snarfed beer out his nose as Lily pounded Remus on the back. “Oh, that HURT, you prat!” Sirius said. “What did you say?”
“You laugh at us for going to Wandwaver’s, and then in the next breath ask us if we’re going to shack up?” Remus demanded.
“Sheesh, no. I was trying to change the subject,” James said, hands raised defensively. “I mean, you two go out all the time and when you get pissed Remus always spends the night and Padfoot’s flat is big enough for the both of you… why not just be roommates and save money?”
Sirius’s pulse slowed. For one heart-stopping, terrifying minute he’d thought….
“Sorry, Prongs,” Remus said. “Just touchy. But I already have a place.”
“It’s a rathole,” Peter muttered.
“And you should know,” Remus retorted. “It’s not that bad. Honestly, Mum says it’s like what she had when she started school.”
“It would be easy to get out of your lease,” James said. “Just tell your landlord you’re a werewolf.”
“True,” Remus grudgingly admitted.
“And Sirius wouldn’t mind,” Peter volunteered.
“I’d be annoyed, but you’re right,” Sirius grumbled.
“So why not?” James asked.
Neither of them had an answer to that.
***
"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked later that night as they lay on the floor of his flat and played a game of Scrabble.
"Mmm?" Remus's eyes were fixed on his tiles, as they had been for the past five minutes.
"What did you think of James's suggestion?"
"Which one? He had several, and most of them were stupid." He moved as if to actually take his turn, and then stopped.
"Would you go already?" Sirius demanded. Remus heaved a sigh and began to put his tiles down. "Absolve?" Sirius asked incredulously. "You made me wait ten-"
"Five."
"Minutes for a seven letter word? Why didn't you put it down earlier?"
"It only gets me sixteen points," Remus groused, drawing six new tiles. "So which suggestion?"
"That we move in together to save money."
"Oh. Hmmm. I don't know. What do you think?"
"I asked you first."
"It was typical James, I suppose," Remus said, evading the question in a manner that was typically Remus.
"It was better than some of his other ideas," Sirius admitted.
"Yeah. Are you going?"
"After all the time you spent last turn? Even if I had a word, I wouldn't put it down for another three minutes at least. Just out of principle." He fidgeted with a tile. "It would save money," he eventually said.
Remus looked up in surprise. "Do you need to?"
"Who doesn't? I mean, I have the inheritance Uncle Alphard left me, but it's not that much."
Remus chewed his bottom lip. "I am here three nights a week."
"At least." Sirius's eyes wandered to the carpet. "I wouldn't mind if you were here more." When he looked back up at Remus, Remus was also focused on the floor, but the tops of his ears and his cheeks were red, like always when he was extremely pleased and embarrassed. Sirius allowed himself a small smile and began putting down his own word.
A few turns passed in silence. Then Remus said, "You know, if we weren't…" he fumbled for the words that normally would come easily.
"Sleeping together," Sirius filled in.
"Yeah. Anyway, if we weren't, and the idea of being roommates came up, I'd jump at it in a second. I mean, you're my best friend and I've survived living with you for seven years before this. So why am I even debating it now?"
"Because we are sleeping together, and it feels like taking the next step and living together, I guess," Sirius said glumly. "I see what you mean. Domestic-y and picking out sheets and towels."
Remus wrinkled his nose. "Commitment and marriage talk and arguing over who takes out the trash and who left his socks on the floor again."
"We'd have to sit around in front of the fire and stare into each other's eyes," Sirius said, warming to the theme. Remus made a gagging noise. "And roses and calling if we're going to be late."
"I mean, I'm not shagging anyone else," Remus said, sitting up in his earnestness. "I don't want to."
"Me either."
"But I like the way things are now. I like that I have my own life and my own space and all that. I like us being friends. I like not being SiriusandRemus all in one word. I like being on my own."
"Exactly!" Sirius exclaimed, punching his fist in the air to emphasize the point. "I don't want to be accountable to you."
"I don't want to be dependent on you."
"I don't want to be tied down."
"I don't want to be propped up."
They grinned at each other. "So we'll keep going as we are?" Sirius asked.
"I think so. Don't you?"
"Yes. Now go again. Honestly, you take longer at this game than anyone I know."
They both settled back down to the Scrabble board, telling themselves they were relieved and congratulating each other on being clear headed and thinking the same way. It was wonderful how great minds thought alike.
Both of them ignored the nagging disappointment until it was buried under everything else.
Part 2 of Part 6
