A thought

[lls_mutant]

For the most part, I am willfully ignoring what's happening in the world right now. My husband is traveling, and that's how I cope with it. I mean, I know the odds of something happening to him are extremely slim. But still. With the panicmongering in the media, it's hard not to get scared.

There are, however, two types of liquids they are allowing on planes: prescription meds and baby formula. But to prove that the formula really is formula, guess who gets to drink it? The mother.

Have you smelled baby formula? I've not had the guts to taste it, but it's pretty gross.

I'm SO glad we're not flying any time soon.



On a similar subject, I've been walking with a girl in our neighborhood whom I like very much. She has a three month old son. She tried nursing, but in the end she had to give it up because she was having such intense pain. Reasonable, right?

Well, she was talking to a girl at work, and the girl actually told her that she'd rather drop dead than feed her baby formula. I have a little problem with that thought in general- I mean, some women can't produce enough milk and it truly is in the baby's best interest nutritionally to supplement. But I do understand that women feel strongly about breastfeeding- heck, I feel somewhat strongly about breastfeeding. But to say that to a woman you know is bottlefeeding her kid... I just think that's rude. And when my friend reminded her of just why she doesn't nurse, the girl said "I'll bet if you work really hard, you could relactate." Um, hello? Did you not listen to what she said?

It bugs me, because like me, my friend had a LOT of guilt when she quit nursing. There's so much talk about how much better the breast is than the bottle that it's sometimes hard to remember that while formula IS a second best choice, it's not poison. It's also hard to remember sometimes that there are real benefits to bottle feeding that go beyond convenience or fashion. In my ever-so-scientific study, it seems like the fathers of bottlefed babies bond easier and earlier with their babies. I'm not remotely saying that fathers of breastfed babies don't, but I know Howard really enjoyed bottle feeding Toby when he was younger (he's generally at work nowadays when Toby gets his bottles, except for the bedtime one which I always do anyway), and I do think that contributed some to how close they are now. (I also think Howard would have bonded quickly with Toby anyway, because he really makes a huge effort.) But still, it took me several months to let go of my guilt, and I finally did when Toby started laughing, and it was obvious he was happy. My friend hasn't quite hit that stage, and it makes me sad to see people try to guilt her for doing that. I mean, she was dreading feeding her son because it hurt so much, and hated him waking up. She was doing more for him by giving up the nursing and bottlefeeding so she didn't resent him than she was by continuing to try.

Argh.

Oh well. And it sounds like my little bottlefeeder is up from his nap, and oops, I didn't get any housework done.

Oh well :)

Comments

[sambethe.livejournal.com]

I am constantly amazed about the amount of crap women toss at other women. I don't have children myself but have watched as a number of my friends have in the past few years and have struggled with making these sorts of decisions. They get flack if they choose not to breastfeed and they get flack if they do - usually around where they choose to do it or how long they do it for. Same thing around what foods they choose to feed them and when. Heck, some of them even get flack for choosing to have a baby in the first place.

I just boggle and get frustrated because it feels like they have so much pressure coming from the outside - jobs, etc that you think other women would be more sympathetic and respectful because they know how difficult those choices can be.

[adrenya.livejournal.com]

Nursing guilt is kind of like cesarean guilt. Everyone has ideas of how things should go and if it's not perfect something must be wrong with the mother. In a "perfect" world all women would have "normal" vaginal deliveries, on their due dates, with no drugs whatsoever, and then breastfeed until the child goes off to college.

People ask me when my baby is due and I tell them the date (early October) but tell them the baby will actually be here late September and I get condescending little, "Well you hope you will just have the baby whenever you want" comments. So I have to explain to them I have a cesarean scheduled for the 30th and they give me pitying looks of, "Oh what did you do wrong". If it's none of the persons business that because I have cervical pre-cancer I could tear my cervix and bleed to death if I didn't have one I just give them my pitying look of, "Too bad you don't live in the real world where mothers just do what is best for the baby and not what you think they should do"

I am planning on breastfeeding as I did with my other kids, but only for the first 6 months or so then switching to formula. Anyone gives me shit about it I will offer to let them breastfeed her if it's that big of a deal to them.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you send that bitchy woman over to me, and I'll hold up my two happy, healthy kids who never saw a breast (or, at most, just for a day or two), and let her say that she'd rather have let them drop dead, rather than feed them perfectly adequate formula. Like you said, sure, breast is best, but wow, some people need an attitude check, geez. And like Howard, my husband loved feeding MiniPlu - we had to wean HIM off the bottle, not her. :P (He wasn't so attached to bottle-feeding Two, because she didn't snuggle during feedings like MiniPlu did, and she wasn't a very good eater at the time, so it was more of a frustrating experience than anything.)

As for flight restrictions - I pity those parents who are traveling on the no-carryons-at-all flights: can you imagine a trans-Atlantic trip with children and no crayons, toys, books, blankies etc? Ack!

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

I don't understand why people care how you feed your baby, as long as you ARE feeding your baby. Like we don't have enough worries and guilt as mothers. Inconsiderate idiots. Grrrrrr.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

And don't forget women who get flack for chosing not to have a baby!

I know. We women are so often our own worst enemies. It's very sad, really, because it's hard enough without making each other feel worse. Sad, and scary.

Sometime the world kind of sucks :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I didn't know you were expecting! Congrats!

I know what you mean about the cesarean guilt. I definitely felt a bit of that after, not so much from myself but from various people's reactions. It took me a long time to come to terms with the epidural, too, until my one gynecologist said "would you go to the dentist and have them drill without novacaine?" (Turns out since my C-section was emergency, I'm REALLY glad I had the epidural, because all they had to do was swap what was going in!)

And I like you reply to people who might give you shit. Hehehe.

But like k_marauders said, it's really sad the shit women give other women!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Heck, most of our entire generation grew up formula fed, and we're all fine. If a kid doesn't nurse, it's not the end of the world.

Not like if they're stuck on a plane with no diversions ;)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Exactly. As long as the baby is happy and healthy, whose business is it???

::sigh::

[sambethe.livejournal.com]

And don't forget women who get flack for chosing not to have a baby!

D'oh. Funny how it is that I manage to forget to mention my own choice.

Sometime the world kind of sucks :)

Ain't that the truth. Though some days people leave little pressies on your doorstep to remind you that they all aren't bad. :)

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

I used to hang out on a number of Usenet boards and maillists where only God could help you if you didn't toe the anti-Caesarean/pro-extended-breastfeeding line. What your friend experienced from her colleague is pretty mild compared to what some of the zealots spout. As much as I agree with the "breast is best" stance, sometimes it can't happen for any number of reasons. Yet the zealots lump in the women who tried really, really hard, with those who don't try at all. They haven't figured out yet that alienating those women who did try their best, isn't in their best option. Trust me, you don't want to wander over to some of those boards. :-)

[onehundredmoons.livejournal.com]

Hiya! I wandered over here in the nosy way that LJ is so good at fostering...

Anyway, just wanted to add as a point of interest that women are being asked to taste their own expressed milk as well, which is also squicking the heck out of some traveling moms. Seems the only way you can get around the taste-test is to nurse your baby directly, and then you had better hope that Barbara Walters isn't sitting nearby to throw you a dirty look. Sigh.

Housework while the babe naps vs. going online... I think you've made the right choice! ;)

L

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Heh, actually, we did when we were quitting. We found that reading some of what the zealots had to say made us feel better. There was one woman who was still nursing her toddler, and had had a second baby, so her milk changed. The toddler actually told her "I don't like it", and she wanted him to keep nursing! If your kid can communicate it so clearly and doesn't want to do it... man.

People are really scary sometimes!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

That doesn't surprise me much. Scary world, these days!!

Public nursing is one of those things that doesn't bother me when other women do it discreetly, but would have made me uncomfortable to do. Don't know why, especially since Toby pulls at my tops when he's eating his bottle and shows off my bra anyway!!! :)

Is that your daughter in your icon? It's a darling picture!

[onehundredmoons.livejournal.com]

Heh, I didn't have a big problem with nursing in public, but my daughter was too distractable to ever do it. Crazy kid! That's her, though the icon pic is about a year old now! I love the photos (like yours) that are screaming for captions! :) How old is Toby?