DVD Commentary, DTF 2

[lls_mutant]

Believe it or not, I'm actually going to try to comment through the whole fic. It's fun. Plus, I need to unwind.

When they arrived at King’s Cross, they spotted Remus immediately. He wasn’t on the Hogwarts platform yet, and he was with his mother. She was handing him a book and they were talking in low, happy tones.

She looked perfectly healthy.

***

The room was tense, still echoing with the shouts of the confrontation. James was standing by the fireplace, forehead resting on the mantle and hands clasped behind him. Sirius was standing at the window, gazing up at the crescent moon that threw beams down over the nearly-bare trees. Peter was standing by the large table, arms crossed over his chest. And Remus was sitting in an armchair, staring at his folded hands in his lap.

Ah yes. The werewolf scene.

Everyone and their brother has done a version of WPP finding out that Remus is a werewolf, and I really, really didn't know how to handle this without being cliched. (Ditto the Animagus transformation.) That's one reason why this scene is so short, and we skip so much of Sirius, James, and Peter cottoning on. But the other reason is that this is not the story of Sirius and Remus, or even of their friendship in all it's parts. The main point of this story is how and why Sirius came to leave home. And for once, I actually cut stuff. (Well, no. I didn't even write it!)

It's a problem with posting a novel-length WIP, I think. It's certainly a problem for me. I get enamoured of a certain scene or aspect and keep it in, even if it doesn't actually add to the plot of the story. Sometimes I can get away with that. A good example is I have scenes inserted into Accidentally In Love that are lighter and fluffier, and don't have as much of a point. (The point there is much broader: how MWPP (and especially Remus and Sirius as a couple) could come to the end they did.) But there's a reason to insert them in that it gives the reader a break. I was a bit better at cutting in Deny Thy Father, but the focus was narrower, as well.

“Werewolf,” James said angrily.

“Werewolf,” Sirius echoed.


“Werewolf.” Peter’s voice was tinged with fear.

Remus said nothing.

It was Sirius who started to laugh, coming over to stand behind Remus. “Werewolf,” he said again, shaking his head.

“Werewolf,” James growled, his voice deep and warning.

Sirius snorted with amusement, and Remus buried his face in his hands. It was incredible and impossible. “Werewolf!” Sirius laughed.

Peter pointed to an open book, where a wolf mauled a human quite graphically. “Werewolf,” he instructed.

Sirius pointed to Remus, who was shaking and looked like he wanted nothing more to escape. “Werewolf,” he contradicted with exaggerated patience.

For some reason, this two-line exchange between Sirius and Peter was very vivid in my mind. I'm not sure why.

Their eyes clashed.

James broke it by laughing. It was sudden, as if he’d just seen the joke. He stepped behind Remus, standing next to Sirius, and clapped a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “Werewolf,” he said, wiping his eyes.

Peter began to grin then, slowly, as if he’d been given permission. “Werewolf,” he said, a small snicker escaping him.

Soon the three of them were laughing. It was so preposterous and yet…

“Werewolf,” Remus Lupin admitted, resigned and sad. “Werewolf.”

Sometimes, my brain is just really bizarre.

***

Sirius didn’t include this little tidbit of information in his letters home, but it wasn’t something that was easy to forget. He, James, and Peter had told Remus it didn’t make a difference, but to Sirius, it did.

The difference was so complex he couldn’t explain it, and knowing how good he was at botching explanations he didn’t even try. But the essence of it was that Remus gave Sirius hope.

And… insert emotional exposition here. I think this is one of my biggest downfalls as a writer- I often tell rather than show. Scientist, perhaps, or sometimes I just don't know how. But I'd say that and my prose are my two biggest weaknesses. (I mean, my prose is certainly passable. But I'm much more JKR than some literary dude whose stuff I never make it through anyway, like Melville or Hemingway. I've been compared to Shoebox once or twice, and that baffles me. If you're going to compare me to a BNF, which I don't like much anyway, the BNF I'm closest to is copperbadge. Similar strengths and weaknesses, I think.)

They’d read up on werewolves, trying to understand better. James and Peter had been fascinated with the physical aspects of the transformation. Sirius had been much more interested in the rules and regulations laid down by the Ministry. And there were a lot of them. Regulations on where they could go, what they could do, what kind of magic they could perform, who they had to report to, marriage, children, socialization with Muggles, employment… just about every aspect of life was regulated. Werewolves were treated horribly, if you really stopped to consider it- especially if you knew one and had reason to think about it. They were called Dark creatures, beasts, animals, evil… dangerous.

None of these words applied to Remus Lupin. Remus was a direct contradiction to everything the world said he was supposed to be.

Remus had been worried that his friends knew his secret, they’d hate him, or at best, drift away from him. On the contrary, Sirius felt like this only strengthened the bond between the two of them. Before, he’d certainly liked Remus, but James had unquestionably been his best friend. Now, Remus was a Dark creature, and Sirius was from a family of Dark wizards. It was a connection- something that only the two of them shared. And if Remus could be the person he was in defiance to what everyone expected him to be, it made Sirius believe for the first time that he could be, too.

It's expository, but I really, really, really like the last sentence of that first paragraph. And I think sometimes telling is good.

“You know,” James said, flopping down beside Sirius and putting his feet up on the table, “this really sucks.”

“What does?”

“Knowing that right now, Remus is out there in that shack all alone and hurting himself.”

Look! For once James was the first instigator. I like thinking of James as more compassionate than Sirius. There has to be a reason Lily fell for him, and I don't think it sprung up overnight. I do think Sirius is a compassionate person, but he's such a passionate person as well that I think compassion could be a little more difficult for him in certain cases. Am I making sense?

Peter, who had been sitting in an armchair and playing a game of solitaire with a deck of Exploding Snap cards, nodded.

“I know,” Sirius sighed. “I had an idea, but it would take a lot of work.”

“What’s that?” James asked.

“Well, a werewolf is only dangerous to humans.”

“Hate to remind you, Sirius, but we’re human.” James tilted his head and thought. “You aren’t suggesting we let Remus kill us and be ghosts, are you?”

I love writing teenagers thinking they're funny.

Sirius whacked him in the back of the head. “Don’t be stupid. No. We don’t have to be human.”

“Turn back time and convince our parents to sleep with horses and be centaurs?”

Peter threw a wad of parchment at James. It bounced off his nose. “Great reflexes, Mr. Chaser,” he smirked. “No, I think I get it. We become animals?”

See? Peter is not stupid.

Sirius nodded.

“Animagi?” James asked, impressed. The wheels began to turn- visibly. “It would be a lot of work, but man…”

Red neon flashing light shouting "AMERICAN WRITING HP FANFICTION!" Although not as bad as when I make them graduate. ::sigh::

“It would be worth it. I mean, we wouldn’t be able to do much, but we could at least keep him company. That’s got to be better than what’s going on now.”

“Wait a minute. Hold up. Animagi transformations are dangerous,” Peter said. “I mean, they can go seriously wrong. And it’s illegal.”

For some reason, this didn’t bother Sirius at all. In fact, the challenge of it made it even more appealing. “We’re good. My great-uncle Alphard said we’re way ahead of our year, magic wise. If we really worked at it, we could do it.”

I do think boys that age would totally have the hubris to try something like this. (I mean, they did, but still.)

“Yeah,” James agreed. “We could. I mean, not tomorrow, but…”

“And Remus is worth it,” Sirius heard himself saying. “He’s worth the risk.”

“He is,” the other two agreed. They shook on it.

***

Remus is worth it Sirius thought again later that night. It seemed such an odd thing to say. Remus was a half-blood, and a Black was willing to risk serious legal and physical risk to help him?

This Black was.

If it had been James or Peter that had been the werewolf, he’d do it for them in a second as well. Or, as the case was going to be, many thousands of seconds. But his great uncle Alphard had been right. Some things were more important than blood.

Friendship was one of them.

That line about James or Peter is important. That's me saying to Immeritus, "Yes, I am a R/S shipper. But I firmly believe that Sirius did this out of friendship for Remus. I might believe (or did then) that they were in love, but I really, really, REALLY don't think that's what motivated this." Oooh, now there would be a fun AU for the omniocular challenge. James Potter (or Peter Pettigrew) was the werewolf. Especially since, if you listen to Mr. Martyr, the world would have been different if he hadn't been bitten.

***

“I do not want to go to this wedding,” Sirius complained as the Hogwarts Express made its way back to London for the Christmas holidays. “I’ve been hearing about it for the past year, and I’m bloody sick of it.”

Reasons why Sirius Black does not want to go to the wedding of Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy:

1.) He is a teenaged boy.

2-10.) See reason #1.

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” James asked. “A long, boring ceremony, and then a good party afterwards with food and tons of liquor and lots of relatives getting drunk?”

“When you put it that way, it could be worse,” Sirius admitted grudgingly. “I just never liked Narcissa.”

“She’ll be so busy that she won’t even have time to notice you’re there,” Peter reassured him. “That’s how weddings are.”

“Hope so.”

The train pulled into the station, and the boys gathered their things. Peter and Remus both looked excited and eager, not that Sirius blamed them. They were going home to happy Christmases and parents that… he shook his head. Christmas. Wedding. Times of love and happiness.

“You okay?” James murmured as they got off the train.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” But Sirius shot his friend a desperate smile that clearly said otherwise.

***

The wedding was long, boring, and of absolutely no interest to a twelve year old boy. It was held in an old Gothic cathedral at night, lit only by candles. Sirius sat between his mother and his brother, uncomfortable in his new dress robes. He fidgeted once, but was quelled by such a look from his mother that he held himself still for the remainder of the ceremony, entertaining himself by reciting what they’d learned about the Animagus transformation in his head.

I would like to know how JKR envisions Wizarding weddings. Just because I'm curious.

Apparently the bride was beautiful. Sirius wouldn’t know. But she did look happy, he admitted, when he was shocked out of his trance by the recessional. Andromeda, stuck in a dark blue bridemaid’s dress and on the arm of Lucius’s brother, pulled a face at Sirius as she passed them. He smiled. Maybe the reception wouldn’t be so bad.

It wasn’t. Andromeda came over to him immediately, as did Great Uncle Alphard. His parents eyed them warily, but what could they say? Andromeda and Alphard were family.

“The outcasts’ table,” Alphard joked, as they sat down together to eat.

“Are we outcasts?” Sirius asked, interested.

Yes. You're all the people in the Black family in my world who not only aren't Slytherin, but aren't straight. That part wasn't really intentional. The funny thing is, I rarely put the connection between Alphard and Sirius on that front.

“If we’re not, we will be,” Andromeda winked. “They’re awfully young to get married, aren’t they?”

And so were James and Lily. That still rather surprises me.

Alphard snickered. “I thought the same thing.”

“Wonder if they –have- to get married?”

“Huh?”

Andromeda and Alphard grinned at each other.

“Your parents haven’t told you too much, have they Sirius?”

“About what?”

“About men and women?”

Can you imagine Sirius's parents explaining sex? I'd really love to see a fic where Sirius's mother's portrait explains it.

Sirius shook his head. He, James, Peter and Remus had pooled their knowledge, but there were still some holes.

I think Remus actually got The Talk over Christmas in this, according to Mentors. I can't remember for sure.

Andromeda and Alphard both grinned again. “Let’s go outside,” Andromeda suggested. “I have some cigarettes.”

“And I’ll get some whiskey.” Alphard clapped Sirius on the back. “It’s time you learned the facts of life.”

Want to bet they drew diagrams?

***

Sirius sat on the low wall of the courtyard, legs dangling off, smoking his third cigarette. The night was clear and cold, with the stars and the bulging moon bright overhead. His uncle had lit a little blue fire to give them warmth and light as they talked. From inside the hall, they could hear music faintly, but Sirius was now miles away.

“Are you okay?” Alphard asked.

“Yeah. Just… why didn’t anyone ever –tell- me all that?” he asked, overwhelmed. A lot of things that he’d been too embarrassed to ask the others about made a lot more sense now.

In some ways, I wish I'd written the scene that goes in between here. It was a good cut- it would have been too long for this fic and not accomplished anything. (Worse, it would have been a distraction.) But it would have been a funny scene if I'd written it right. Well, I got some of it out in Accio Bananas!, and I really, really want to write a fic with Ron asking Sirius for advice about Hermione and girls someday.

“Don’t know,” Alphard said, shrugging. “Some parents just get embarrassed.”

“My parents are never embarrassed.”

Obviously, he has not yet heard his mother shouting "shame of my flesh!"

“Parents that can talk about anything else sometimes just can’t talk about sex,” Alphard explained, and then poured himself another glass of whiskey. He looked up at the crescent moon in the sky. “It’s just one of those things. Your parents, well…”

“They aren’t the most relaxed of people,” Andromeda contributed. She was sitting on the other side of Sirius, straddling the wall. “And it’s really uncomfortable, talking with your parents about it. Maybe it worked out better this way.”

Sirius tried to imagine his stern, proud father or his practical, formal mother giving him this talk and failed miserably. “Yeah. I think it is.” He took a drink of the watered-down whiskey his uncle had poured him. “Can I ask you another question that’s been bugging me?”

“Sure.”

“Are we Dark wizards?”

Alphard took a long drag on his cigarette and exhaled very slowly. “The three of us sitting out here on the wall, or the rest of the crew inside?”

I REALLY wish I knew what constituted a Dark Art, and what made a Dark Wizard. It would have made this so much easier, and added more depth to Mentors.

“Both.”

“Well, the answer to the second part is yes. Many members of the House of Black do practice the Dark Arts. But not all of them.”

“Is it just the three of us?” Sirius asked miserably.

“You know, the sex talk was easier,” Andromeda muttered.

This is something I wonder if people picked up on. My version of Andromeda did dabble some in the Dark Arts. That's why she's uncomfortable here. She's not as at ease with it as Alphard.

“It’s not that simple, Sirius. I’ve done Dark Arts in my time. You may find it necessary one day, too. Doing Dark Arts doesn’t necessarily make you a Dark wizard. There are all sorts of shades of gray.”

This was far from the answer that Sirius wanted. “But what if I don’t want to? What happens then?”

Alphard shrugged. “Then you don’t. The Dark Arts did make the House of Black what it is today- rich, powerful, and influential. They’ll get you places.”

“Do you still use Dark Arts?”

Alphard shook his head. “No,” he said with a wry smile. He didn’t offer any further explanation.

Becoming a werewolf will change your life!

“It’s confusing,” Sirius sighed.

“It is.” Andromeda rubbed his shoulder blades. “My best advice, Sirius, is don’t worry about it. Just be who you want to be, and do what feels right to you. Things work themselves out.”

“Ugh. I-“

“SIRIUS BLACK!”

“Uh-oh.” Alphard put the bottle of firewhiskey on the other side of the wall as Elizabeth Black came storming towards them.

“What have you been doing?” she demanded. “You’ve missed the entire reception!”

“It’s okay, Elizabeth, he’s been with us,” Alphard said.

Elizabeth sniffed the air and scowled. “And it seems like that’s such a good idea. Have you lot been smoking?”

“I was,” Andromeda said smoothly. “And honestly, Aunt Elizabeth-“

“You keep your mouth shut, young lady. You’re in enough trouble with your own family as it is! Sirius, come on!”

She grabbed his arm and yanked fiercely, and the world spun as Sirius tried to follow her. He heard his uncle whisper something, felt a spectral hand run over him, and everything righted. He cast a quick smile to Alphard in thanks, and stumbled after his mother.

Sobering charm or something like that. Being a Wizard must be so cool.

“I’ve been so embarrassed,” his mother was saying, her voice sharp and angry. “People keep asking where you are, and I’ve had no answer to give them. And this entire time you’ve been out here, ignoring your duties-“

“What duties?”

This is one of the spots where I feel like I got Sirius's mom right. Go me.

“-And doing who knows what with those two.” They were inside the Hall now, and his mother whirled to face him, and as her eyes took him in gave an exasperated gurgle. “Your good dress robes, Sirius!”

Oops. There was a tear, and definitely some smudges of dirt.

“When your father gets a hold of you…” his mother muttered. She was brushing down his rumbled hair, repairing his robe, removing the dirt stains. Sirius wondered how many charms one person could absorb, but wisely said nothing. “Now come on,” she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the reception. “Act like a Black.”

***

“Arden.” Alphard had found Arden seated at a table. “May I have a word?”

“Of course.” His nephew maintained a polite façade, but Alphard sensed a new hostility there. “How can I be of service?”

“Well, I just wanted to warn you that Elizabeth’s on the warpath. I had Sirius and Andromeda outside, and she’s a bit on the furious side.”

Something about that phrasing is off. Hmmm. I think it's the repetition of "side".

Arden smiled. “So am I, but only because you grabbed my son and not me. I’ve never been fond of weddings.”

Honestly, how many men really are?

Alphard grinned. “Same here. Anyway, glad that’s settled, I suppose. But there was something else I wanted to mention as well.”

“Oh?”

“Well, Andromeda made a joke that Sirius didn’t get, and, well, we discovered he knows absolutely nothing about sex.”

“So? He’s twelve.”

“Yes, but…” Alphard picked up a little tulle packet of almonds and twirled it between his fingers. “He should know some of it. Haven’t you told him anything?”

“I tell him what he needs to know.”

"Men and women make babies. The end.

“But-“

“Alphard, I appreciate your concern for my son. I really do. But how I raise him is entirely left to my discretion. And given that you have never added to future generations yourself, I hardly think you are qualified to pass judgement.”

No, Arden doesn't know Alphard is gay. To be honest, the thought doesn't even enter his mind. A Black couldn't possibly be gay.

“No, but I care about Sirius.”

“Are you implying that I do not?”

It had occurred to Alphard, at least that Arden didn’t care quite properly, but he shook his head. A wedding was no place for this sort of argument. He clapped his nephew on the shoulder. “Never mind, then,” he said idly. “I think I’ll go congratulate the bride and groom and head home. I’m exhausted.”

***

It was the last day of holidays, and Sirius was intensely bored. The wedding had been much better than expected, and even Christmas itself had been tolerable. But now there was nothing to do, and Regulus constantly trailing after him. His mother’s anger over him sneaking off at the wedding had dissipated, but it wasn’t like she provided hours of amusement.

Sirius peered out the window. A thick, heavy snow had fallen yesterday, but it was already starting to melt. It was now the kind of wet snow that would form perfect snowballs. He sighed. And then he spotted them. Neil and the others were out in the street, wrapped in winter clothing, having a grand snowball fight. Without any thought except that today just got more interesting, Sirius ran up to his room, tossed on his castoffs, wrapped his scarf around his neck, and slithered out his window and down the apple tree to go play.

You know, boys are so much nicer sometimes than girls. Not that they're never mean, but I think that they can be more inclusive.

They were delighted to see him, and the raging war that resulted would satisfy any die-hard snowballer. They played until dark, when parents started calling from doorsteps and they reluctantly had to go in. Sirius went back to the still, quiet courtyard and climbed the apple tree, feeling much better.

His feelings of happiness evaporated immediately when he saw his parents in his room, waiting with the air of a long, angry vigil. He stopped immediately.

“A word to the wise, son,” his father began slowly. “When going outside to play with Muggles, it is not advisable to wear a Gryffindor scarf.” His voice was sarcastically pleasant, but there was no doubting his fury. Sirius unwound his scarf guiltily and let it fall to the floor.

“Father, I-“

His father jerked to his feet. “How many times, Sirius? How many times must we go through this? I consider myself a reasonable man. You get Sorted into Gryffindor, and I say nothing. You tolerate your Mudblood roommate, and I turn a blind eye.” Sirius barely contained a snort at that one. “You and James find yourselves spending more time in detention than not, and I say very little. But this… breaking rules that I expressly set down for your safety and to safeguard the reputation and standing of this family! And I can’t believe you disobeyed me again when I expressly forbid playing with those boys before!”

“Father-“

But Arden Black was beyond listening. His face was set and closed, in a fury that Sirius had never seen. His eyes shot to his mother, pleading for assistance, but she didn’t look at him. Her jaw was clenched in anger, not at her husband, but at her son.

“Take off that ridiculous top and turn around.”

Sirius’s stomach sunk, and plummeted as he saw his father taking picking up a belt. Shaking, he obeyed.

He’d only been thrashed like this three times before. Once for shouting at his mother, once for spilling ink over his father’s parchments, and once for locking Regulus in the basement. All well deserved, and the magnitude of this offense was greater than any of those. So was the beating. His father’s anger left streaks of fire down the skin of Sirius’s back, making his ears ring and his heart pound until he started growing dizzy and he heard his mother crying out for his father to stop.

I tried to convey that Sirius's parents were not psychotically abusive, but did believe in corporal punishment. It's interesting that I chose physical punishment, and not magical. I'm not sure why that is, aside from I'm not sure what magical curse you'd inflict on your child.

I do believe in a small degree of spanking, myself. A VERY small degree. A slap on the hand or the butt in a dangerous situation gets the point across quickly when it could be life or death. (Like when a kid is about to run out into a busy street or something.) Also, when reserved for the most serious offenses, a spanking takes on "BIG TIME PUNISHMENT." We were spanked when we were kids, but it was never that hard. It was that it was rare enough that when we were spanked, we knew we were in deep shit.

I'm not sure what point that comment had. But I will say that corporal punishment used to be far more acceptable. My mom remembers being hit with a belt, and she's far from the only one. Glad we've wised up as a society, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that Sirius's earlier punishments were not meant to be extraordinary, although this one was.

The instances I chose for Sirius's earlier physical punishments were meant to be deep shit things. Talking back to his mother (and Sirius was meant to have been EXTREMELY disprespectul) is a big one. Locking Regulus in the basement (based on when I locked my sister downstairs) was a matter of safety. And Sirius spilling ink was meant to be over some Heap Big Important papers after he'd been repeatedly told to leave the study. This is also something that's major in the Black family. It's just that the punishment is far more extreme.

It seemed to go on forever, fiery hot lashes that made him bite his lip to keep from crying out and hunch over the protect his head. Finally it ended, and a hand thrust him towards his bed. He didn’t look at his parents, but clutched the pillow to him.

I always try to leave out details of abuse, rape, or torture whenever I write them, because if I do work with them, it's the aftermath that interests me.

“Do not leave this room tonight, Sirius,” his father said, his voice taut with rage. The door shut.

He’d hoped his mother would stay. He’d heard her voice begging his father to stop- she’d never done that before. But when he managed to look up, no one was there.

He dragged himself over to the mirror, and twisted about to see his back. The mirror was unusually silent, and he was grateful. The welts crisscrossed his back, leaving very little skin unmarked. Several of the deeper ones were bleeding, and he could see a few starting to purple already. Nauseated both from the sight and the pain, he returned to his bed.

From his bed he could see the full moon, and he thought of Remus, out there and alone as he underwent a transformation that had to be more painful that even what Sirius had just experienced. He knew James and Peter would see the moon and think of Remus tonight as well. But no one would think about Sirius.

With a snort of disgust at such ridiculous self-pity, Sirius leaned over painfully and picked up his Transfiguration book. No one would be thinking of Sirius Black and what had happened in this room tonight.

No one.

***

The door opened earlier than Sirius expected, and wasn’t his mother to check on him or his brother to gloat, but his father, standing rigid and tall, not quite looking straight at his eldest son.

“Are you ready to go to Hogwarts?” he asked.

“I need to dress, sir.” Sirius refrained from pointing out that the bathroom had been a no-go area last night.

“All right. Come downstairs when you’re ready to go.”

Sirius obeyed, but slowly. The pain and stiffness in his back didn’t allow for abrupt movement, and it had taken all of his self-control to not cry out when he stepped into the hot water in the bathroom. He kept his eyes fixed on the tap as he bathed, reciting the ingredients lists for the potions he’d learnt over the last months. He told himself he was studying. He knew better.

His father was waiting for him when he made his way downstairs, carrying a bag and wearing an old, soft robe.

“I thought we’d leave early today,” Arden said. “We could have lunch in the Leaky Cauldron.”

“All right. Is Mother coming?”

“No. Just you and myself. Just us.”

“Yes, sir.”

To his surprise, his father took his bag. “Well then. Let’s go.”

I am really happy with this concept. I sort of wish I'd done more showing and less telling here, but I still really am fond of this scene.

It was awkward, at first, to sit across the table from the man who’d whipped your back bloody. It was hard not to feel anger and resentment. But as his father took the menu Sirius saw his hands were shaking and realized it must be hard to sit across from the child you’d hurt so badly, too.

They talked through the lunch, but it was stilted and awkward. Neither of them mentioned the night before, or the school life that Sirius was returning to. Instead they talked about Narcissa’s wedding, about the books on his father’s shelves, and the other patrons in the bar. There was no depth in their conversation, and a gap so wide that Sirius suspected it would never be mended.

The fact that their conversation was inconsequential was exactly why I resorted to telling. What I probably should have done was write part of it, and then let it be implied that the rest of the lunch continued that way. But hindsight is 20/20.

***

They arrived at the train station early, among the first of the families standing on the platform. They sat on a bench close together; Sirius could feel the warmth of his father’s arm through their sleeves. He leaned his head against his father’s shoulder. His father didn’t move away.

I love love LOVE this image.

The train pulled up, and more students and families began to arrive. “I need to get home,” his father said. “Will you be all right?”

“Of course.”

They both stood and looked at each other. Sirius did not apologize for disobeying. Arden did not apologize for the punishment. But it was Arden that extended his hand first.

“Have a good term, Sirius. We’ll see you at Easter.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Here’s your bag.” His father set it at his feet, and then turned and walked away.

Sirius watched him go, unable to articulate the twisting in his gut. And fortunately, he didn’t have the chance.

“Sirius!” James was pelting towards him. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Sirius pulled up a smile. “Hey James. Have a good Christmas?”

“I was worried you weren’t going to make it in time. How was the wedding?”

Not sure why. He was there early. That made no sense, Liss.

“Not too bad, but boring. Have you seen Remus or Peter yet?”

“Peter’s with his parents. I haven’t…” James trailed off. “There’s Remus’s dad.”

Sirius turned, a man walking towards them. This was the first time Sirius had gotten a good look at Mr. Lupin. He was a taller man, with long tawny hair that was already graying. Like his son, his robes were not fancy, and he wore wire-rimmed spectacles.

See Rufus Scrimgeour for a full description  He doesn't get the limp until well into AIL, but hey. And although Sirius doesn't say it, we gals know that Damien Lupin is HOT.

“You’re James Potter and Sirius Black, right?” he asked as he approached.

“Yes, sir.”

Mr. Lupin pulled them both away from the crowd. “Boys, I hate to ask this of you, but I need your help.” He was speaking to them both, but looking at James. “Remus told me you know about…” he glanced around again and then dropped his voice, “you know about his disappearances?”

“Yes, sir,” both boys assured him.

“Is he all right?” James asked.

“Well… not really. He hurt himself badly last night, and I don’t have the skill to mend the wound properly.”

“Is he coming back to school?” Sirius’s voice was anxious.

Mr. Lupin gazed at him for a long time. It wasn’t a particularly nice gaze- in fact, Sirius had the distinct impression Mr. Lupin didn’t much like him. “He is,” Mr. Lupin finally said. “Right now he’s outside the platform with his mother. Can I rely on the two of you to get him there safely and make sure he gets to the hospital wing immediately?”

He doesn't, as we all know. ::Hugs Damien, who can be such a jerk.::

“Why don’t you just apparate with him, sir?” James asked.

Apparate is capitalized, Liss….

Mr. Lupin shook his head. “I’m not allowed to do so with Remus. Will you boys get him there?”

Again, a pre-HBP thing, I guess.

“Of course,” James said, and Sirius nodded.

“Wait by the train,” Mr. Lupin ordered. “We’ll be there soon.”

With a worried look at each other, Sirius and James made their way down to the edge of the platform. When Mr. Lupin appeared with Remus, both of them gasped. Remus looked terrible- pale and ghostly, a brown-stained bandage wrapped around his forearm.

Mr. Lupin helped them settle into the compartment Peter had been saving, wrapping a thick cloak around Remus and placing a hand on his forehead. “You should be all right,” he said gently, not only to his son but the boys who would help him. “If it gets too bad, call the witch that pushes the food cart.” He leaned closer and murmured something to Remus; Remus’s eyes slitted open and he nodded.

“Thank you, boys,” Mr. Lupin said as he left.

Sirius hadn’t been sure if he’d tell his friends about the punishment his father inflicted last night, but as he looked at Remus he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to. Then the train lurched into a start, throwing him forward and back hard against the seat. Before he could stop himself, he cried out with pain.

Remus opened his eyes. “What’s wrong, Sirius?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“It can’t be nothing,” James insisted. “That sounded too… unfaked.”

“It’s nothing. Just…” Sirius bit his lip. “I hurt my back on the apple tree at home.”

“You should see Madame Pomfrey when we get to school as well,” Peter recommended.

“No, I won’t bother her.”

James opened his mouth to argue, and then shut it abruptly. “All right.”

Obviously, James has realized that arguing with Sirius is counterproductive and has already come up with a plan to trick him. Sometimes it sucks having a best friend who knows you so well.

It was a somber train ride. James and Peter passed the time playing gobstones on the floor, Remus slept fitfully, and Sirius stared out the window. He wished he could sleep as well, but his back was too sore to allow him to drift off. It was with real relief that he spotted Hogwarts coming into view.

“Peter and I can take your stuff in,” James suggested. “Why don’t you take Remus up to the hospital wing?”

Why argue? a little voice in Sirius’s head asked. He snaked an arm around Remus’s shoulders and agreed.

Madame Pomfrey was waiting for them. So, Sirius was surprised to see, was Mr. Lupin. “James took our things to the tower,” he said by way of explanation. “Remus is hurt.”

Thank you, Captain Obvious. Mr. Lupin obviously explained already. Of course, Sirius is 12. He can be stupid if he wants.

“So is Sirius,” Remus muttered. “His back.”

“Shh.” Madame Pomfrey was already fussing over her regular charge. “You said the left arm, Damien? Oh, yes, this is nasty. Very deep, and badly infected.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Sirius, sit down on that bed over there for right now, will you? I’ll see to your back when I’m done here.”

“It’s not that bad. I can go…”

“You can wait. Go. Sit.” She was rummaging through a shelf of potions.

Unable to escape- and not really wanting to, now that relief had been implied- Sirius settled on one of the beds. In some ways, he wished he hadn’t. He couldn’t see what Madame Pomfrey was doing to his friend, but he could hear hisses and cries of pain, and the low, worried voices of the adults. It didn’t sound good.

An hour later, Madame Pomfrey made her way over. “I’m sorry you had to wait, Sirius.”

“Is Remus okay?”

“He’s… fine.” But there was a hitch in her voice.

Like most of fandom, I can't resist torturing Remus every now and then.

“Can I see him?”

“After I see this back of yours, perhaps. His father’s with him right now.”

“It’s really nothing. I’d rather see Remus.”

“It’s obviously something, or you wouldn’t be arguing with me.”

“I’m not arguing with you. There are more important things right now and-“

“Sirius Black, take off that robe and turn around this minute!”

“But-“

“NOW!”

McG isn't the only female that's an asskicker. Madame Pomfrey does a pretty good job of it herself. There's a fic I really like that scribbulus_ink wrote where Remus has a schoolboy crush on Pomfrey. It's so sweet and believable.

Caught, he did so.

Behind him, he heard Mr. Lupin gasp, and the sound he wanted to hear least of all- a moan from Remus. He hung his head.

Madame Pomfrey, however, said nothing. But soon Sirius felt cool, gentle hands on his back dabbing a potion that stung at first, and then soothed away the pain like cool running water over his back. For the first time in hours, his body unclenched and a sob escaped his throat.

I strongly suspect this isn't the first time Pomfrey's seen something like this.

“I think it’s best you stay here tonight,” Madame Pomfrey said, handing Sirius some pajama bottoms. “You can take the bed next to Remus.”

“Thank you.”

“Your back will be fine in the morning, although it may sting some tonight.” She turned down the covers of the bed, and he climbed in gratefully. “Now, Damien, can I have a word with you outside please?”

The adults left, leaving himself and Remus in the quiet of the otherwise empty infirmary. He lay on his stomach, looking straight ahead.

“I thought you said it didn’t change anything.”

“Huh?” Remus’s voice had been so quiet Sirius wasn’t sure he’d spoken.

“I thought you said it didn’t change anything. Me being a werewolf.”

“What are you going on about?” He turned his head to look at Remus. His friend had managed to prop himself up on his side, facing Sirius.

“You could have told me,” Remus said.

“You had enough to deal with.”

I really like the distinction Remus is trying to draw here.

“Which is exactly what I mean. You said I was your friend.”

“You are.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it only happened last night, and when I saw you today you weren’t in good shape yourself.”

“But your father-“

“He doesn’t do it often. Only when I really get in trouble. Last night was the first time in three years.” He met Remus’s eyes. “I swear. I’m telling you the truth.”

Remus measured him for a few long seconds, and then fell back against the bed again. “Do James and Peter know?”

“No.”

“Will you tell them?”

“I don’t know. Can we not talk about it?”

Remus closed his eyes. “All right.”

Times when it's wonderful to write boys who don't want to discuss emotions. Heh.

***

He must have drifted off, although he didn’t realize it. But a few hours later Sirius woke up to the faint sound of a book closing, and footsteps as someone entered the infirmary.

“Is he asleep?” It was Professor Dumbledore, and when Sirius cracked his eyes open he could see Mr. Lupin sitting by Remus’s bedside. He shut them hurriedly so the others would think he was asleep.

“He is. Poppy said it was a close one. Another few hours and…”

Dumbledore laid a hand on Mr. Lupin’s shoulder. “It’s all right, Damien,” he soothed. “He’ll be fine.”

For the record, Damien was overreacting a little. He tends to when Remus is involved.

“I hope so.”

“He will be. He’s been doing much better this year.”

Mr. Lupin drew the long, shuddering breath of someone trying to control themselves. “Yes. Coming here has made a world of difference. And James and Peter… and Sirius Black…” Sirius’s ears perked up. There was a definite difference in tone when Mr. Lupin said his name.

“Yes, Sirius,” Dumbledore murmured softly.

I hate writing Dumbledore. I just can't get the cadence right on him.

“I’ve been worried, Albus. I know what sort of people he comes from.”

“Yes. His family is certainly well known.”

“What is Sirius like?”

“Intelligent, certainly. Mischievous, most definitely. He and James Potter are inseparable.”

“It seems an odd pairing.”

“They’re very much alike, to be honest. In fact, he’s far more like James than anyone in his own family. You couldn't tell him that though. It’s best to find the nature of things for oneself.”

Sirius cracked his eye open again. Mr. Lupin was looking quite chagrined. Good. He shut his eyes again.

“Yes. I suppose. I admit, tonight I found myself worrying about him, too. No matter what he’s done, a child should never be beaten like he was.”

“Especially for playing in the street with Muggle boys.”

Sirius’s eyes flared open, but neither man was looking at him to notice. “Is that what he was doing?” Mr. Lupin asked, looking up at Dumbledore. “That’s the last thing I would expect.”

“Damien, I’ve found that when dealing with young Mr. Black, the last thing should be the first thing you should expect. Make sure you get some sleep tonight. Remus will be fine.”

“I’ll try.”

There was a swishing of heavy fabric as Dumbledore left. The room was silent; only the sounds of breathing and the occasional page turning met Sirius’s ears. He drifted off to sleep again.

I'm fine with Damien up until this point. However….

Someone woke him a later, and the first thing he realized was his back was on fire again. A gentle hand smoothed water over his forehead, and a low voice murmured words of comfort. He began to calm, although the stinging did not subside. He opened his eyes fully expecting to see Madame Pomfrey, but instead finding Mr. Lupin.

Mr. Lupin helped him sit up with firm, tender hands. “Here,” he said, handing Sirius a cup. “Drink this. Poppy said it would help if you woke up.”

“What is it?”

“Something to help the pain. She needed to stave off the infection. Necessary, but unfortunately painful.”

Sirius nodded and then gulped the potion. It was slightly bitter, but immediately the warmth spread through him and the pain in his back began to fade. “How’s Remus?” he asked, now that he could think of other things.

“Better. His fever’s broken and the wound is healing.” The caution was returning to Mr. Lupin’s face, but it was tempered with something else. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

Sirius tried to shrug. “He’s one of my best friends.”

“I hope it stays that way.” Mr. Lupin stood up. “Lay back down and get some sleep, Sirius. Your body needs that as much as anything to heal.”

“All right.” Sirius squirmed back down under the covers and closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to stay awake and think, Mr. Lupin was right- his body did need the sleep.

The last thing he felt was a soft hand on his hair and a gentle kiss on his forehead before Mr. Lupin returned to his son’s bedside.

Okay, people, here is PROOF that an author can write her own characters out of character. For all that he's a character in the HP universe, Damien's personality is entirely my creation. And this scene- the tenderness and the kiss- are incredibly out of character for Damien. There is no way Damien would have done this at this point in his and Sirius's relationship. Everything before it points that way, everything after it points that way. The first fatherly kiss Damien gives Sirius should have been in Chapter 7 of AIL when he realizes that Remus and Sirius are a couple. There it is in character, because of how I did it. Here? It. Is. Not. :P

I have an excuse, of course. This was a WIP that I posted in parts, and Damien really evolved after. But this is one scene that haunts me.

***

Madame Pomfrey woke him the next morning. The pain in his back was gone, and when Sirius looked in the mirror, the welts were gone as well. Only two small scars would remain, but Madame Pomfrey assured him that in time they would fade as well.

Magic heals wounds well, y'know. At least up to a point, but what Sirius had? Definitely.

Remus was still asleep, and Mr. Lupin was still sitting over him, watching him with anxiety. For a wild moment Sirius tried to imagine his own father doing that, and came up completely blank. He angrily chided himself.

He wouldn’t tell James about it, he decided, or Peter. No one would quite understand the distinction, and everything would be confused again. Best to just forget it.

He gathered his things and stopped by Remus’s bedside once more. Mr. Lupin glanced at him, eyes shuttered and none of the warmth Sirius had seen last night.

“Can you tell Remus that I’ll come by later tonight if he’s not out yet?” Sirius asked him.

Mr. Lupin nodded. “I will. And Sirius… thank you.”

The thank you, albeit polite, is out of character, too. :P

“You’re welcome.”

***

Remus found Sirius the next day, sitting out by the lake and reading an advanced transfiguration book.

“There’s a sight I never thought I’d see,” Remus said as he sat down beside him. “Sirius Black studying.”

Not because Sirius hates it, but because he never needs to. Although I notice I did write him studying more in AIL.

“It’s just for an idea I had,” Sirius answered. “You look a lot better.”

“So do you.”

“Is your Dad gone?”

“Yeah, he left yesterday. Mum was probably going nuts waiting to hear from him.”

“He loves you very much.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably. “I know.” He didn’t look at Sirius.

“Look. I told you. It’s the first time in three years, and, well, I did know I was breaking his rules. It’s not like he got drunk or just decided to belt me. I’ve always known I wasn’t supposed to do what I was doing.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. And while we’re on the subject- which won’t be for long- I’m not telling James and Peter.”

“Then I’m not either.”

Sirius grinned. “Thanks.” He leaned back on his hands. “Your father doesn’t like me much, does he?”

“He doesn’t like most of the Black family, no.”

“The Dark wizard thing?”

“Yeah. He was an Auror, after all.”

“Why isn’t he anymore?”

“Why do you think?” Remus picked at the grass irritably. “He was demoted after I was bitten. Said they couldn’t trust an Auror with a Dark creature for a kid.”

That was another idea that I had that I really, really liked. I really like Mr. Lupin as an Auror, and the demotion bit.

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.”

“Still-“

“Why’d your dad clobber you again?”

Sirius winced. “That wasn’t nice. I just tell you to shut up.”

“Yeah, but I listen. You keep pressing.” Remus managed a wry grin. “My dad doesn’t hate you. He just doesn’t trust you.”

“Do you?”

“As long as you’re not offering me sweets, we’re not around Snape, and you aren’t saying ‘hey, I’ve got a great idea!’, yes, I do.”

A feeling of warmth and pride flooded Sirius. “Come on then,” he said, standing up and draping his arm around Remus’s shoulders companionably. “Let’s go find James and Peter then. I’ve got a great idea…”

***

After their dramatic arrival, the rest of the second year slipped into a comfortable pattern. Lessons, meals, homework, detentions and Quidditch games. Nights in the dorms where they joked and laughed, long hours of studying for the Animagus transformation. Letters from his mother, as regular as clockwork, and as impersonal as History of Magic lectures. The first one had surprised him. There was no mention of the punishment, no mention of Sirius’s crime. It was as if that day had never happened.

He pushed it into the back of his mind, content to forget it as best he could. He banished the memory of the whip and the pain, the pity in Mr. Lupin’s eyes and the anger in Remus’s. He remembered only three things: Remus’s promise not to tell, the feeling of his father’s warm arm beneath his cheek, and a gentle kiss on his forehead.

And I wrap it up quickly again. The truth is, I felt Sirius was too young to really be making some of the distinctions yet. I was trying to lay groundwork.

What I was trying to lay here most of all wasn’t that Sirius's parents were mean to him. It was that Sirius found more compassion in a man who professed to hate him for what he was than he did in his own parents, and that the relationship between Damien and Remus was how a proper family relationship should be. I can say a lot of negative things about Damien, but his defining trait is his love for Marilyn and Remus, and Sirius sees that. The rest of the year probably didn't really do much to advance Sirius's views in a dramatic sort of way, I guess.

Comments

[marilla82.livejournal.com]

I've always loved Damien as a character. I picture him as a gruff, tough, man's man. He reminds me so much of several friends who work in law enforcement.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

He would be played by Chris Cooper in the movie :) Gruff, tough, man's man is exactly what I'm thinking, with a side of paranoid and overreacting thrown in :) Psychotically protective is the term I'm looking for, I think :)

Thanks!

[brieza.livejournal.com]

I really like your commentaries.

Thanks for your discussion on Damien being out of character. Rereading this after reading AIL and its outtakes, Damien's behaviour really jumps out at me here as wrong (which tells me I think I understand how you want him).

In the same scene, however, I was hoping that you would explain how Dumbledore figured out what Sirius did.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks- I'm glad you're enjoying them.

I'm also glad you agree that Damien's behavior isn't in character for him here, because it does tell me you're understanding him the way I want you to. It's funny, because Damien does have a good heart, so the emotion isn't out of character necessarily (at least buried under a lot of other stuff), and certainly not the bit about no child should ever be treated that way. But the expression....

As for DD, I guess he used legilmens or something :) (I tend to be very vague with DD because I don't understand him sometimes!)

[snorkackcatcher]

Interesting again, and yes I think you're right about Damien being OOC. A bit like Hermione suddenly turning up as a goth. :) (But long graying hair, tatty clothes and wire-rimmed spectacles are hot? Um, OK. One more thing to add to the list of things not to be understood by mere males, perhaps. :D)

As for style, 'show don't tell' is a good principle if not made into a shibboleth. When it is, it's extremely silly, because it's often the case that you can tell something in about a tenth of the words it takes to show it. Unless you get enough added forcefulness by showing, it's not a problem except for people who insist on stylistic rules without considering the meta-reasons for those rules.

I actually prefer your stuff to that of copperbadge -- I find his characterisations rather 'flat'. Not enough emotion in them, perhaps. (Plus, to be fair, other pet peeves.)

That line about becoming Animagi if James or Peter were werewolves is indeed important, even if you assume Sirius and Remus were in love later. They're bloody second years. It's like making the Chamber scene a big romantic moment for Harry and Ginny -- it just feels out of place.

I presume we're going to find out in Book 7 how JKR envisions a wizarding wedding, unless some disaster gets in the way first of course. ;) I'm not sure that 19-20 is unusually young to get married -- significantly younger than average maybe, but not weirdly so.

I really, really want to write a fic with Ron asking Sirius for advice about Hermione and girls someday

Heh. That would explain what a mess he made of things then. (Even if you don't assume Sirius was gay, he doesn't seem to have ever really fallen for any girl the way Ron has and I wouldn't imagine his advice would be all that reliable. And I rather doubt that his secret lover and their Harry's-age daughter Mary Sue are going to appear in Book 7.)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks- I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm having fun writing it.

(But long graying hair, tatty clothes and wire-rimmed spectacles are hot? Um, OK. One more thing to add to the list of things not to be understood by mere males, perhaps. :D)

Yes, long graying hair is hot. ;) Which so explains why I use the color, but hey. But Damien is cut under the tatty clothes. (And I do rather like wire-rimmed glasses, actually, but maybe I've just been conditioned to them?)

It's like making the Chamber scene a big romantic moment for Harry and Ginny -- it just feels out of place.

YES. Exactly. I am a big fan of the concept that love develops. I firmly don't believe in love at first sight, and I've always been the type to fall for friends, well after I know them. But more than that... as we both say, they're twelve. Twelve year old boys are just starting to catch on that girls don't have cooties, for the most part. (And it's definitely too early for a sexual identity crisis in my head.)

I presume we're going to find out in Book 7 how JKR envisions a wizarding wedding, unless some disaster gets in the way first of course. ;) I'm not sure that 19-20 is unusually young to get married -- significantly younger than average maybe, but not weirdly so.

I'm hoping! I really like Bill/Fleur, even if Bill is TOTALLY whipped. (Seriously- letting her feed him in front of his family? Yuck.)

You know, you're right, too about the 19-20 bit. I guess because I got married older (27), and so many people I know got married older (every woman in my generation of my family was 27 except my sister, who was 28), I just sort of automatically think most people do. The funny thing was I should have learned- I used to assume everyone got married out of college because that's what my parents did.

Even if you don't assume Sirius was gay, he doesn't seem to have ever really fallen for any girl the way Ron has and I wouldn't imagine his advice would be all that reliable.

Agree totally. Actually, the way it's working out, I was going to leave Sirius's romantic history completely out of it as best I could. I just really would like to see more Sirius-Ron fic, and I think that would be a fun, cute story.

And I rather doubt that his secret lover and their Harry's-age daughter Mary Sue are going to appear in Book 7.

My in-canon theory as to why JKR kept repeating Sirius never had a girlfriend is his Issues with Women. My writer's theory is JKR didn't need another character. My out-of-canon theory as to whay she kept repeating that he didn't have a girlfriend was so that people knew that Sirius didn't have a kid more than that Sirius didn't have a girlfriend. (And that Harry doesn't have a godmother, I guess.)

[shaggydogstail.livejournal.com]

My out-of-canon theory as to whay she kept repeating that he didn't have a girlfriend was so that people knew that Sirius didn't have a kid more than that Sirius didn't have a girlfriend. (And that Harry doesn't have a godmother, I guess.)

She only ever mentions it when she's asked about whether or not Harry has a godmother, which isn't immediately relevent. (Sirius could have been married but Harry still wouldn't have had a godmother unless Lily and James picked one.) I'm not-so quietly confident it's to establish that Sirius doesn't have any kids. Mostly because this could actually have plot reference, whereas a dead character's romances twenty years ago don't. (Mind you, the last time I had a confident canon theory it was that Amelia Bones would be MoM, so what do I know?)

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Ohh yes, wire-rimmed glasses are sexy. Just trust us on this one :)

Another fascinating read. I'm glad I waited to read this until you started the DVD commentary, because it's always so interesting to hear why people made the choices they made.

I like thinking of James as more compassionate than Sirius. There has to be a reason Lily fell for him, and I don't think it sprung up overnight.

Indeed. I picture James as having a very strong sense of chivalry and, well, noblesse oblige, for lack of a better term (his treatment of Snape notwithstanding -- I think he genuinely imagines himself to be protecting Lily and others from this guy who was steeped in the Dark Arts, no matter how awful it looks from an outsider's perspective). Whereas compassion for those who are weaker is not Sirius' strong point. (I'd be curious to see how his relationship with Harry would have developed if Harry were more of a Peter type or even a Neville type -- maybe that should be an idea for the AU challenge at Omniocular?)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

See? Very sexy. And another point... I'm getting to the age where I'd darn well better find graying men sexy. (Although I have a heck of a lot more gray then he does.)

And thanks :) I get a kick out of these commentaries, too, and I'm having a lot of fun writing this one. Or I would be if Word hadn't suddenly decided to show the correction copy.

I picture James as having a very strong sense of chivalry and, well, noblesse oblige, for lack of a better term.... Whereas compassion for those who are weaker is not Sirius' strong point.

That's it- that's EXACTLY it. Sirius has all the compassion in the world for those he respects. But if it's someone he didn't...

I'd actually be curious to see how he and Harry would have done in general if Sirius had been around long enough to really get to know Harry. I think they would have done all right, but I think there would have been some friction there, too. But that would be a REALLY interesting challenge for an AU!

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I'm getting to the age where I'd darn well better find graying men sexy.

Er'm ... I'm pretty sure you're only a year or two older than I am. Oh dear. :: frets ::

I'd actually be curious to see how he and Harry would have done in general if Sirius had been around long enough to really get to know Harry.

I'm giving serious thought to grabbing the "Tonks killed Bellatrix" challenge, which certainly could go in that direction, among many others. Not that I need another writing deadline at the moment...

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's much difference... I'm 31, almost 32. But my husband just turned 38, so... (although I am far, far, FAR greyer than he is.)

That would be an interesting challenge! I haven't even looked at the prompts, because I so don't need another challenge (I still need to do my squid one. I mean, Moody, the squid, and Bobba Fett? That was too good a crossover not to do.), and I just did an AU and I find that they take a lot of effort. But it would be really, really, interesting!

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I don't need another challenge either, but I was silly enough to grab it anyway. Oh no...

[shaggydogstail.livejournal.com]

I'm so enjoying this! I like the 'excessive corporal punishment' angle you've taken with the Blacks--I tend to see them more as borderline abusive than out-and-out abusive. (If Sirius were a Muggle he might have been placed on the Child Protection Register, but not taken into care.) I like his Dad showing signs of feeling guilty about what he's done as well.

I do think Sirius is a compassionate person, but he's such a passionate person as well that I think compassion could be a little more difficult for him in certain cases.

As I see it, Sirius is caring but not very empathetic--he isn't terribly good at understanding people. He doesn't quite 'get' how people think, feel and react differently to him.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm really enjoying doing it. I suspect I'll have to take a break for the weekend, but I think I'm going to finish, because I love this fic.

I agree on that's exactly how I feel about Sirius's family's abuse. Borderline. Poor Sirius. And people get all mushy about Remus? :)

Yeah, I'd agree that Sirius just doesn't really understand other people. I think that's so clearly shown even in just the Pensieve scene, where he doesn't feel like helping Remus study. People go on about how Sirius was a bad friend, and I think Sirius just didn't get that that was how Remus was coping with exam stress. (I never found that last minute cramming actually helped me remember anything, but it did make me deal with the time.) I like to believe that James was far more empathetic- he just didn't act it at 15 because he was being stupid.

[lupinspatronus.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'm enjoying this commentary-thing very much. I always found Deny Thy Father a tight and extremely well-paced way of telling Sirius's story.

Damien Lupin is one of my absolute favourite characters from both DTF and AIL. Starting from his name! (I dunno.. it just fits so well?) Haha.. his relationship with Sirius is a very interesting one and I loved reading about how it progressed, with all the tension and complex mixed feelings of distrust yet respect.. and how they eventually fought next to each other. It's lovely.

Btw, I found your 'werewolf scene' intriguing. It was quite original, really, letting primarily the lack of words take us through the scene. My favourite part is where Remus finally speaks, heh.

And just to let you know - I found you were very successful in bringing the focus to Sirius's story in DTF. Being the incurable RS shipper I subconsciously look out for, you know, hints and such (haha) but I found this nicely balanced, within the limits of deep friendship.

And lastly - Poppy rocks! =P

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

Damien is one of my favorite characters, too, and I'm really looking forward to writing more of him in AIL. He's just so much fun to write because he's anything but perfect.

And thanks about the focus! When I was writing this, I was writing in a fairly anti-R/S environment, and trying to convince people that a.) I could write gen and b.) not all R/S-ers wrote soppy, Remy/Siri fic. It was definitely a fun fic to write! :)

[lupinspatronus.livejournal.com]

Yes I have respect for R/S writers who manage to write Remus and Sirius as a pair of very close friends. I enjoyed the later bit about how Remus confided in Sirius, that was sweet.. slightly pre-slashy if you want to look at it that way, but entirely plausible as a platonic relationship. I wish I had a friend like that too =)

Remy and Siri??? *cringe*

[lupinspatronus.livejournal.com]

By the way, do you mind if I friend you? =P forgot to add that..

[mitzy7.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have to agree with that one- Remy/Siri is far too sickly-sweet and completely OOC.

In some ways, I wish I'd written the scene that goes in between here. It was a good cut- it would have been too long for this fic and not accomplished anything. (Worse, it would have been a distraction.) But it would have been a funny scene if I'd written it right.
You still could *hopeful look* :D

I really, really want to write a fic with Ron asking Sirius for advice about Hermione and girls someday
Hahahahahaha. One of the best evil fandom plans I’ve heard. And can I just say how much I adore Andromeda. I don’t think we’ll ever meet her in the books (I got the impression she had died. I can’t remember if that was just an impression I got or if it did actually say somewhere that she had died.) which is a shame, because I’m quite curious to see what kind of character JKR had her pinned as. But at the same time, I like your version too much too let her go, heh.

Thanks for the commentary, it’s really interesting (which sounds unbelievably mundane, but I’m tired :P)- I’m one of those strange people who actually does watch DVDs with the commentary several times, haha!

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I like the werewolf scene--it seems like the kind of thing that young boys would do. And yes, I caught the implication that Peter, to some degree, thinks of werewolves as something that eats people, whereas Sirius says "werewolf" and thinks "Remus." You just know that their emotional responses are going to color future behavior. (And Peter turning into an animal that forms 70% of a regular wolf's diet isn't going to help at ALL.)

And I like the fact that while James and Peter are focusing on the physical and magical difficulties of becoming Animagi, Sirius is more interested in the rules and regulations they'll be breaking. I could see Sirius finding the rule-breaking as exciting as the idea of becoming an Animagus.

I love Alphard and Andromeda at the wedding. I have to say, though, that I didn't pick up any clues up to this point about Alphard being a werewolf. I read this story before I read Mentors, you see. I did think that he was gay, though...and that Arden knew it, and disapproved thoroughly.

I wasn't particularly perturbed by Sirius being hit with a belt, as that's what my mother used to do. She had a huge leather belt that she'd cut into strips, and she called it her cat-o'-nine-tails. Sirius's response was very much what mine was--he hated being beaten, but he saw it as normal, and accepted it.

However, I found the actions of Sirius's father the day after the beating to be quite jarring, even OOC. I couldn't see a strict disciplinarian behaving in a way that amounted to a tacit apology. A disciplinarian wouldn't even think of trying to talk to the boy, or of expressing sorrow at having to use corporeal punishment. He'd feel that what he was doing was for Sirius's own good, so that Sirius would grow up to be the kind of man that he, and the family, could be proud of. Sirius would understand when he was older.

It's hard to get across that this wouldn't have been abusive by the standards of the 1970s. Beatings with a belt that left welts would have been considered strict punishment, but well within the range of normalcy. I suspect that you included the café scene not so much because it was in character for Arden--it wasn't--but because you had to find a way to tell the audience that even though he might have done something they would consider horrible, he still loved his son. So your choice was either writing Arden IC and having most of the readers misperceive him, or writing him a bit OOC to make it clearer to the readers that he did love his son, even if he didn't understand him. It's an awful problem for a writer. I've had to deal with much the same thing with Peter's mother, so I sympathize.

Well done I'll enjoy reading the rest of this commentary!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

It's funny you picked up about him being gay and not the werewolf, although I think if people read this earlier, it wasn't as widely-known that that's my characterization. Arden actually doesn't know that Alphard is gay- Alphard's just sort of the black sheep that still speaks to the family for a lot of reasons. Arden doesn't approve of his job or the fact he's still a bachelor.

Your comments about the discipline vs. abuse are really interesting, and I wish I had something more intelligent to say about them. I think what was going through my head was that Arden felt no guilt about actually punishing Sirius (and we see no guilt whatsoever from him later), but in this particular instance he realized he stepped over the line from punishment to abuse, and on that front he felt guilty. I remember thinking about the characteristic behavior of an abusive spouse, who after an incident like this will try to "make it up."

But yeah, one of the things I wanted to be clear on was that Sirius's life was no picnic, but he did not run away from home because he was abused. I think Sirius comes across as someone who did suffer some abuse in his childhood, but he's very clear about his reasons for running away from home. And it is hard, isn't it? :)