DVD Commentary- DTF 6 part 2
Sep. 20th, 2006 04:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutant***
He didn’t sleep well that night. James might have- he wasn’t sure since James had pulled the bed curtains closed. Peter never returned to the dorm. Sirius tossed fitfully until the morning, when he was woken up by James shaking him.
“What?” he grumbled. “I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“I don’t. Not right now. But I wanted to wake you up for breakfast.”
“Why do you care?”
James looked at him like he was an idiot, but when he spoke Sirius knew the words were a product of two nights of thinking. “I’m furious with you, Sirius. And I don’t like you very much right now. But you’re still my best friend. Go eat breakfast. I’m going to see Remus.”
I really, really love my James.
When Sirius arrived at breakfast, Peter was already there, stirring brown sugar into his oatmeal. Sirius veered away, but Peter pointed to the seat across from him in invitation and expectation. Dutifully, Sirius sat.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said into the strained silence.
Peter shrugged. “I’m not the one that needs an apology.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“That’s obvious.”
“Peter-“
“Sirius, you blew it. It was stupid and things like that happen. But it’s between you and Remus. And Snape, I guess, but who really cares about him? Would you pass the cream?”
Peter's behavior is based on a pair of guys I knew in grad school. One of them made a MAJOR mess of things with his girlfriend. The other- the guy I was good friends with- listened to the whole story patiently and at the end, instead of trying to twist things around, just said, "buddy, you blew it. Your shot." (They were playing pool.) It seemed like a good reaction for Peter.
Peter doesn't want to have a reaction. If Peter is outraged on Remus's behalf, then he must align against Sirius. If Peter doesn't get angry at Sirius, he's going against James and Remus. Therefore, Peter is casting himself as Switzerland. He's going to stay neutral and stay friends with everyone, because he doesn't want to pick the losing side. All Peter wants is for everything to go back to normal.
Although he does have a point.
Sirius gaped at him.
“Please?” Peter tried.
“Peter-“
“Sirius, shut up about it. Please. Have you started your Charms essay?” There was a determined look on Peter’s face that Sirius had only seen twice before: when Peter turned into a rat for the first time, and when Peter had told them he was getting a summer job to help support his family. Peter had lost enough, Sirius realized, and he let him change the subject.
***
He wasn’t allowed in the infirmary that afternoon. And he wasn’t surprised.
***
Peter and James took shifts all day sitting with Remus. They did tell Sirius he was improving rapidly under Madame Pomfrey’s care, and that both his parents were there. Other than that they told him nothing, although Peter asked him some questions about the Charms essay and James managed a stilted conversation about the Quidditch Cup that evening. It would take time for them to forgive him, he knew.
It would take longer for him to forgive himself.
***
He wasn’t surprised when Madame Pomfrey met him at the door of the hospital wing the next day. He was very surprised when he was told that Remus had gone outside with his father. He was pleased, both that Remus was healing and that he’d been given the information.
He was leaving the hospital wing when he smelled it- cigarette smoke. It put him in mind of the night of Narcissa’s wedding, when he’d sat with Andromeda and Alphard, and instinctively he followed the smell.
Marilyn Lupin was sitting on a window ledge, smoking a cigarette and looking out at the grounds.
I really was such a bitch to Marilyn. I love her.
“Sirius,” she said as she caught sight of him. She moved her feet so he could sit and he did so hesitantly. “I wondered when I’d see you here.”
“I’m sorry,” he began. “If you want me to leave, I’ll understand.”
She shook her head and offered him a cigarette, which he took. “I’ve been cutting back,” she said. “But between the full moon and being here… I’m afraid to go anywhere without Damien because I know I’ll get lost. I’m not really in the mood to explore, anyway.”
Bear in mind the generation that Marilyn is from. Plus, it was supposed to be an Alphard-like gesture.
Sirius took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “About what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt Remus.”
“I know,” she said. “Dumbledore talked to us last night.”
“You’re not… mad?”
She shrugged. “I’m not overjoyed.” She looked out the window, and Sirius followed her gaze. Remus and Damien were slowly walking across the courtyard, Remus leaning heavily on a cane and dragging the mangled leg. Damien was hovering over him. “Madame Pomfrey says his leg will be good as new in ten days,” Marilyn said. They watched the pair in silence.
See? No scars, but torturing Sirius. Almost all of Remus's scars in my universe come from non-Hogwarts days, when either he or his father healed the damage. They were good at it, but not nearly as neat as Madame Pomfrey.
“Damien wants you never to speak to Remus again,” Marilyn said after they’d disappeared. She leaned her head back against the stone of the wall, and Sirius shut his eyes, willing the tears not to fall. “Don’t listen to him.”
“What?”
“I love Damien, Sirius, but he has been completely unreasonable towards you and your family for years now.”
One of the things I love about Marilyn is she sees all of Damien's flaws, but she loves him regardless. She might want to (attempt to) strangle him at times, but she still sees them and loves him. Damien was so freaking lucky, but at least he had the good sense to appreciate what he had in Marilyn!
“He’s been right!”
“Not according to Dumbledore. You made a mistake, Sirius. A bad one, but a mistake.”
“But Remus was hurt!”
She took a long drag on her cigarette. “You know,” she said carefully, “Remus has hurt himself like this before. And yes, this badly, when he was younger. But he’s never had friends. We’ve had to keep him away from other children and from other families. Once, when he was five, someone figured out what he was and told the children. They chased him into a forest, throwing rocks at him. We didn’t find him for three days. Damien had a heart attack from the stress of it. A small one, but a heart attack nonetheless.”
I SO need to write that story. I really do. I know Moody ends up finding Remus while Damien is in the hospital. I have so much of the story of Remus's bite written from Damien's POV already… I should finish it, polish it, and post it.
Sirius stared at her, open mouthed.
“After Damien recovered, we moved. We moved around a lot, until I received my appointment when Remus was seven. It wasn’t an opportunity I could refuse. So we settled in the country, away from people, and rarely let Remus out of the house and never out of the yard. We’ve been so afraid the same thing would happen again.
“Damien’s parents said Remus should be put down. Mine don’t even know him- my mother died years ago and my father is so senile he doesn’t remember me, much less Remus. He’s never met his cousins- Damien’s relations won’t speak to us. Outside of Damien and myself, the only people he used to see were the workers at the Registry Office, where he goes every two months. They treat him like a leper. I’ve heard my son called terrible names that I won’t even repeat, and the manner in which they speak to him…. They treat him like an animal, and he knows it.
“Then he started Hogwarts. I was terrified to let him come. But ever since his first letter home, it’s been nothing but Sirius, James, and Peter, Sirius, James, and Peter. I feel like I know you as well as he does. I’ve heard all your exploits- even the ones you haven’t been caught at. Since he’s started Hogwarts, he’s changed entirely, and it’s because of the three of you. He’s been happy.
“Don’t take that away from him, Sirius. It will seem like the easy way out, to let him stop talking to you and not to talk to him. Don’t do it.”
“I don’t want to,” Sirius whispered. “But I don’t know how to fix it!”
“It will take time.” Marilyn stamped out her cigarette. “When I was eight, my mother caught me lying to her. She was so angry; I didn’t think she could ever love me again. But then she told me that love is not a smooth piece of cloth, but a quilt. You tear it and mend it over and over, until the patterns form a beauty of their own. No friendship is ever perfect, Sirius.”
A lot of this comes from my own psyche, and Sirius's behavior here has a lot of a basis in me. I judge myself very harshly, and expect others to do the same, even though I don't judge them nearly as harshly as I judge myself. Sirius seems to have a lot of that as well, although he generally has more of a reason to be concerned that he screwed up! But Marilyn is the voice of reason- Sirius is just the voice of me.
***
It wasn’t. He remembered being angry with Remus. Not this anger that stemmed from his family, but times before this, when Remus really deserved it. Nothing ever this big and nothing that merited this in retaliation. Nothing that justified this. But comments that had hurt, times Remus had forgotten something he said he would do, exclusions and lies and little barbs that he didn’t mean that way.
“Don’t put him on a pedestal,” Marilyn had told him as he left. She’d smiled sadly. “Damien and I do that enough.”
It didn’t make things better or right. But Sirius was able to sleep that night.
***
“Remus, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I never thought about the consequences.”
It was Sunday night. The Lupins had left and Sirius was sitting beside Remus’s bed, finally being allowed to see him. The gashes on Remus’s face had faded to small white scars, but his eyes still showed the raw pain of the wounds Sirius had inflicted.
Tiny scars, which will probably continue to fade.
“There’s nothing I can do to make up for it. You shouldn’t forgive me. But… Remus… I’m sorry.”
Tears were hanging in Remus’s eyes, shining and unshed. Sirius didn’t know how to take them away.
But he's not going to cry, damn it.
He wanted to beg, to plead, to prostrate himself on the ground. But a voice inside him told him that would be for him. What did Remus need? Sirius didn’t know.
He realized that just as this was unfamiliar territory to him, it was unfamiliar to Remus as well. No friends, Marilyn had said. No one had ever begged Remus for forgiveness. Like an animal. His affection had never mattered to anyone. Maybe Remus didn’t know where to go from here either.
An interesting thought, no? That no one has ever apologized to Remus beyond "oops, sorry"? That no one has ever been close enough to him to care when they hurt him? (Parents are a different class, in my mind.) I suspect this idea might be canon, given Mr. Martyr's "I must be grateful" approach.
He longed to transform, to curl against Remus and let him bury his face in the thick black fur of his muzzle and find solace there like he did… Sirius realized then that he had not offered that all term. And he couldn’t now, here in the infirmary.
He reached out and took Remus’s hand between his. It felt silly, but somehow he knew it was right. Remus didn’t pull his hand away.
They sat in silence. Eventually the silent tears began to fall. They both sniffled, both wiped their faces with their free hands. Neither moved away, and yet neither moved closer. They were together in their sadness, and right now that was all either could offer the other.
In other words, I couldn't think of a way for them to have a conversation that didn't see overly feminine and out of character. So they just didn't talk :)
Behind Sirius, someone cleared his throat. Sirius turned to see that James was standing there. Over an hour had passed.
Remus pulled his hand away. “I’m tired, Sirius.”
“All right.” He stood, opened his mouth and then knew there was nothing to say.
But as he left, he felt James’s warm, comforting clasp on his shoulder.
***
Remus returned to classes on Monday, but did not come back to the dorm until Wednesday night. They sat on their respective beds, working on homework and speaking only about their essays.
“You know what bothers me the most?”
Remus’s voice was clear and deceptively casual, and the abruptness of his question made Sirius drop his quill. James set aside his potions text and Peter lowered his wand, and they both looked at Sirius expectantly.
“Um,” Sirius felt wrong-footed with their eyes on him. Particularly Remus. “That I nearly killed you?”
“No. Someone could have gotten in there by accident. If it had all been an accident and James had pulled Snape away, I would have done the same thing. And if I ever kill, they’ll come for me. I’ve known that since I was four.”
“Oh.” Sirius swallowed hard, wishing Remus would look away. But Remus kept those amber eyes- so like his father’s and just as intense- fixed on Sirius. “That you didn’t deserve it, and you’ve been nothing but a good friend?” he asked.
Remus winced at that, and so did James and Peter. Too late Sirius realized how sarcastic that had sounded. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said lamely. “I was telling the truth.”
Remus recovered and waved a hand, physically dismissing it. “What bothered me the most,” he said, his voice now hard and brittle, “was that you really didn’t think I’d attack Snape.”
“Oh.” A glance at James and Peter told Sirius that this surprised them, too. “I guess I thought I would have stopped you. Or just that… that…” Remus was drumming his fingers on this book. “Damn it, Remus! You know why! You would never attack anyone!”
Remus slammed his book shut. “Just what I thought,” he said, angrily picking up his pillow. “This IS all just a game to you. You don’t understand it at all.”
I truly believe this is the case, too. Sirius just doesn't totally get it. See also Alphard's letters about the subject in Mentors.
“I- hey, Moony, wait!” But Remus was now walking out of the room.
Sirius turned to James and Peter. Peter shrugged, but James was staring at the door, looking thoughtful.
***
Remus didn’t mention his stilted exit from the room at breakfast the next morning, and Sirius took his cue and didn’t say anything either. He was still annoyed about the whole thing. Of course he understood- why else would he spend three bloody years becoming an Animagus? He was still muttering to himself when they entered Charms.
“Well, let’s see what we can make of it today!” Professor Flitwick was undeterred by the fact that none of them had managed to produce any sort of Patronus. It was advanced magic, he kept reminding them, and he’d be amazed if any of them managed to accomplish the feat.
It seemed simple to Sirius, but he just could not get in the mood, or at least he thought. He wondered what would happen if you met a dementor on any day but the best day of your life.
“Expecto Patronum!” he tried, thinking of drinking butterbeer and firewhiskey with James. “Expecto Patronum!”
Nothing.
From across the room there was an excited squeal. Lily Evans, the wench, had managed to produce wisps of silvery smoke.
“Goodie for her,” James muttered and Sirius smiled.
“Expacto Patronum!”
This time he had something, but nothing substantial.
James muttered something enviously, and Sirius privately bet that James would produce something in the next two attempts. Peter was trying frantically, but nothing was emerging from his wand. Next to him, Remus was sitting serenely, eyes closed and his arms crossed over his chest. Sirius was about to ask if he’d fallen asleep when Remus’s eyes flared open as he rose to his feet and pointed his wand.
“Expecto Patronum!”
A large, hairy silver form shot out of the wand, and Professor Flitwick squeaked in delight.
“Oh, very good Mr. Lupin!” he shouted above the din. The other students turned, expressions of surprise and delight as they saw Remus’s Patronus. “A wolf?” Professor Flitwick muttered, studying it. “Very appropriate, given your family name, but… wait. No. Not a wolf. It’s a dog.”
A huge, shaggy dog that if it were black, it would have been a dead ringer for Sirius’s Animagus form.
I know it's a cliché. Shut up. I like it this way. I really think Remus's Patronus should be one of four things: a rat, a dog, a stag, or a phoenix (to represent Dumbledore). (We'll ignore the whole Patronus-changing phenomenon, shall we?) For the record, other Patroni I know in my universe:
Sirius: dove (as mentioned)
James: duck (because it's funny, and his memory that he used was going to the park with his parents and feeding the ducks.)
Peter: elephant (for the sole reason that I want Peter to complain that his Patronus is afraid of his Animagus form)
Lily: If anyone's would have changed, it would be Lily's after Chapter 5 of Accidentally In Love, and it would change to a wolf. Not because she loves Remus, but there were Issues there. But that still doesn't work, because I don't like using a wolf in the case of a werewolf, Remus DIDN'T protect Lily, although he tried, and James would be asking questions way too early. So Lily's Patronus is a tiger, just because I think it's funny to give her a more "manly" Patronus than any of the guys have.
Frank: This time it is a wolf. It has no significance, except I like wolves and there's that sexual tension (very low simmering) between Frank and Remus that one day I might write an AU of, except my Frank is so far in the closet he's in Narnia, and neither of them would ever cheat.
Alice: A flamingo. Just because.
Damien: A panther.
Regulus: a Pegasus, although he never found that out. Regulus couldn't cast a corporeal Patronus.
Kingsley Shacklebolt: a bear, just because it fits
The dog scampered back to Remus, jumping up and putting its front paws on his shoulders before disappearing. Professor Flitwick burst into applause.
“What memory were you using?” Flitwick asked Remus.
“My fifteenth birthday,” Remus said, still dazedly staring at where the dog had been. “It’s the happiest memory I have.”
***
I’m in the happiest memory you have, my animagus form is your Patronus, you know it was all my idea, and you still say I don’t understand? I understand, Moony! I get it! We did it because you needed us there! I KNOW the transformations are terrible. I did it because you’ve been alone all your life and I know exactly how that feels! So don’t say I don’t understand, you sanctimonious, stupid little git. I. DO.
But he couldn’t say it.
***
Time does heal. Sirius’s parents had taught him that. Time eases the pain of lashes and the throbbing of bruises, the cuts and bites and the mangled legs of friends. It covers the slights and bitter words until you can pretend that they’re forgotten and act like nothing’s happened and nothing’s changed. With each day, Remus healed.
Five days after he’d left the hospital wing, Remus no longer needed the cane. Two more days passed and he started a conversation with Sirius about their Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Three days after that he didn’t even walk with a limp. Another three days and the four of them were crammed under James’s invisibility cloak, a filched pie in hand (not for eating). Two days later Sirius and Remus were working on the map together.
And seventeen days after he left the hospital wing, with nine days before the next full moon, a dark brown owl landed in front of Remus bearing a letter.
Remus had mentioned once or twice that he had a pen friend. Sirius hadn’t given it much thought, because it seemed like such a Remus thing to do. But today, Remus opened the letter with shaking fingers, and as he read it his lips pressed together until the skin around them grew white.
As of right now in AIL, I don't think Remus has told Sirius just how close he and Alphard will. Not sure he ever will.
“Bad news, Moony?” James asked.
“No,” Remus said shortly, gathering his books and leaving his breakfast untouched. “I’ll see you in Herbology.”
“Bet he told his friend about being a werewolf,” Peter guessed, watching Remus go.
“If he did, I’d say it didn’t go over well,” James agreed.
Somehow, Sirius didn’t think that was it at all.
***
“Sirius.”
Sirius looked up from his potions book to see Remus standing over his bed. “Yes?”
“Tomorrow night is the full moon.”
“Yes.” A lump formed in his throat and he couldn’t quite breathe right.
Remus took a deep breath. “Tomorrow night you are going to understand.”
“What?”
Remus drew his shoulders back. Sirius noticed the letter he’d gotten from his pen friend crumpled in his hand, and Remus was clinging to it like… like a source of strength. Whatever was in that letter had to do with him. “You are going to understand,” Remus repeated, with a new authority in his voice. “Tomorrow night, you will go into the Shrieking Shack before sunset. You will transform, but you will hide under the bed. You will stay there all night, but you will stay hidden, no matter what.”
“But what if you-“
“No matter what!” Remus snapped, and Sirius drew back, startled by this very different version of Remus.
“All right.”
“You will wait there until I’ve left. And then you will go back to classes like usual. I will find you when I’m ready. Do you understand?”
“James and Peter?”
“Will be up here tomorrow night. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” Remus exhaled heavily, and Sirius noticed that the parchment was damp where Remus had clutched it. “Tomorrow night then.” Remus turned and walked out of the room.
This was his punishment. Sirius knew that. But he couldn’t help the small ball of excitement in his stomach. He had always wanted to see the actual transformation, and Remus had never let him. Was it penance and forgiveness in one?
Sirius thought it might be.
I am a firm believer that The Prank was actually good for Sirius and Remus. In OotP, we see two men who are equals. In fact, Remus is the only one Sirius will listen to without complaint or argument, and Sirius is the only one we see Remus open up to. There is obviously a deep level of trust. Yes, there was obviously mistrust there during 1981, but read AIL and you'll see how I think that could come about. But here's the bottom line for me: Sirius and Remus had to have been close during 1981. The logic? It had to be someone close to James leaking the information, and Sirius and James seem to be generally of one mind about things. Remus could not have been estranged if they thought he was a plausible suspect for the spy.
Anyway, to me that speaks of a more equal dynamic than what we see in SWM, where Remus won't stand up to Sirius and Sirius is somewhat thoughtless about Remus (although not THAT thoughtless, really). I think the Prank began to shift that, and made Remus realize he had to stand up to his friends sometimes- especially Sirius, and Sirius began to respect Remus all the more for that.
***
The next night he hid himself carefully, as per Remus’s instructions. It was hard to remain still, his stomach was a knot of nerves and anticipation. He heard a strange thumping sound, and it took a minute to register that it was his tail wagging against the floor. If he’d been human, he would have laughed.
The light outside faded, and soon he heard the sound off footsteps on the stairs and two voices. Remus and Madame Pomfrey. He wormed further back under the bed, obscuring himself in the darkness.
“I’m worried, dear,” Madame Pomfrey was saying. “You were doing so much better and then last month-“
“It won’t be as bad as last month,” Remus reassured her. “That won’t happen again. You’d better go.”
“All right. I’ll be back at daybreak.”
Sirius heard her leave, and Remus shut the bedroom door and magically locked it. He waited for Remus to look under the bed to see if Sirius had obeyed, but he didn’t. Instead, he slowly undressed.
Sirius had seen Remus in various states of undress before, but he’d never seen him fully naked. Consequently, he’d never realized just how many scars Remus had. Most of them were thin and white and faded with age, but here and there were red, puckered, angry scars, reminders of wounds that had been beyond his father’s skill to heal properly. The leg, Sirius noticed, looked far better than the bite wound on the opposite calf, or the scar that Remus had received on his forearm their second year.
I can't totally escape fandom, can I? :)
Remus was shaking, his face white and his lips trembling. He was terrified. Sirius wanted to go to him, to reassure him and nuzzle against him, but he remembered his promise to stay hidden. So he watched as Remus sat on the floor, naked and scared, his knees drawn up against his chest and his arms wrapped around as he rocked back and forth singing a song under his breath.
Then he froze. It was a sudden, lurching stop of muscles, a seizure that was visible in every way. His eyes widened and then there was an uneven shriek of pain. Sirius cringed back under the bed, suddenly desperate to close his eyes and yet realizing that requirement was to watch.
Hair began to sprout and nails and ears grew. Teeth sharpened and the nose lengthened. Another horrible, guttural scream rent the air, and Sirius could not even begin to imagine what sort of pain would force that noise from Remus. But worse was the cracking, like bones breaking. It was bones breaking, Sirius realized. A wolf did not have the same skeleton as a human, not even close. And each bone had to break and reform.
It didn’t hurt, he told himself silently, like his own transformations didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt or Remus would scream again. But then Remus’s head twisted in Sirius’s direction and Sirius saw his eyes. It didn’t just hurt- it went beyond pain into something unspeakable, and Remus didn’t scream because he couldn’t.
At some point I read a physiological description of the werewolf transformation. I wish I could remember where.
Oh good God.
A whimper escaped him, and then the… the thing that was half Remus and half wolf was released and could move, could breathe, could let out something that was caught between a howl and a human cry and that raised every hair on Sirius’s body. Then Remus was gone, all traces with him, and there was only the wolf that Sirius knew.
The wolf was not happy about the confinement. Remus must have known he couldn’t be when he locked the door. Sirius remembered the small shed at the Lupins’ house. Yes. Remus knew. Sirius almost crawled out from his spot to comfort and protect, to distract, before he remembered his promise. The wolf growled, not at him but at the realization he was inside, and Sirius suddenly knew exactly what Remus intended. Remus wanted him to see what it was really like- what the presence of dog, stag, and rat changed and prevented. Remus wanted Sirius to understand what it was to be a werewolf.
And through the night, Sirius learned.
And I loved this idea. I really did. ::pats self on back::
He learned that the wolf was violent. He hadn’t really known that before, because under their influence, Remus could maintain some control.
He learned that the wolf was brutal. He hadn’t known that before either, because Remus had never let them see the wounds.
He learned that the wolf did not forgive. The wolf had to know that a human was trapped inside his body, because he preyed upon himself with an unrepentant ferocity that Sirius had never seen.
He learned that the wolf was desperate as it threw itself at the doors and tore at the furniture in frustration and clawed the wood of the walls. He’d never known that because they’d roamed the Forbidden Forest with Sirius and James there to keep Remus in check.
Blood. Pain. Red, raw malevolence and bloodlust and a wild feral anger that couldn’t be contained. A Dark Creature, and a designation well deserved. There was no trace of Remus, and yes, now Sirius understood.
The wolf would have attacked Snape. Attacked, killed, and devoured. And if he was human now, the wolf would do the same to him. It didn’t matter that he was one of Remus’s best friends, that Remus could talk and laugh and study with him , because Remus was not in control. Remus wasn’t even here, because there was no one to aid him in the fight for his sanity.
The night dragged on, and Sirius closed his eyes and prayed it all would end.
Finally, an hour before sunrise, the transformation occurred again. Sirius had harbored the hope that it would be gentle, but it was just as violent, just as intense, as if the wolf did not want to relinquish its hold on Remus. It left Remus in the middle of the floor, bleeding and crying like a child, naked and shaking and too weak to stand. Once again Sirius wanted nothing more than to go and help, but this was indeed his punishment and he complied with Remus’s terms.
Dude, here he's allowed to cry. That's gotta HURT.
He was grateful when Remus collapsed, grateful because he hoped the unconscious state would bring relief from the pain. The sky grew steadily lighter and eventually, after so long- too long- a wait there were footsteps on the stairs and the door opened.
“Well, dear, it’s not as bad as I was afraid,” Madame Pomfrey murmured as she tended to Remus.
Not as bad?
And then Sirius realized that the wolf had sensed him there, and yes, that this was still better than an unaided transformation, and his heart broke completely.
***
He was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees and his face buried in the hollow between them, as he had been since his last class ended. He felt Remus standing over him, but couldn’t bear to face him. Not now. Not now that he truly understood what he himself had done- what he had exploited.
A hand was on his head, applying gentle pressure to force him to look up. He obeyed, and his eyes met Remus’s and he saw the sadness. Without a word, he opened his arms and pulled Remus in.
Remus clung to him, his face buried in Sirius’s shoulder and body shaking with the sobs he hadn’t let loose until now. Sirius closed his eyes, laying his cheek against Remus’s hair and holding on to him tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as the deluge lessened. “I’m so sorry…”
The apology is fine. The hug… well, come on. They hug in PoA!!!!
“I know. I forgive you.”
With those words, Sirius’s heart was mended. And so, he suspected, was Remus’s.
They pulled away from each other, awkward now as Remus wiped at his face. He looked at Sirius hopefully. “Padfoot?” he began.
He didn’t need to finish, and Remus spent the night with a big black dog curled on the foot of his bed.
***
Now I let you up for air for a bit before I plunge you back down into angst with the runaway bit.
The days before Christmas holidays were heady and happy for all four of them. The darkness and pain and awkwardness of the last month were regulated to the past, hopefully never to be spoken of again. Relief sharpened holiday spirits, and Lily Evans was heard to shout that they’d been much more tolerable sulking last month, when they’d been doing the doom and gloom thing and not insisting on throwing snowballs at people just trying to go about their business.
“You know, Prongs,” Remus said that day, “I’m not sure Lily finds a snowball in the face the epitome of romantic courtship.”
“Said Casanova,” James shot back. “Haven’t seen you pulling any girls, Moony.”
“That’s because I’m gay,” Remus said dryly. “At least according to the Slytherin Household.”
Sirius and Peter both smirked at the phrase, but James pulled a face.
“Disgusting, they are.”
“True. But what if they were right?” Remus mused. “What if I said to you, ‘oi, Prongs, I fancy blokes’?”
“I’d smack you upside the head to bring you back to your senses,” James said, and this time the disgust was real. “That’s not funny, Moony. Don’t even joke about it.”
“Okay, okay. Sheesh Prongs, back off.”
“You’re not gay, right?”
“Right. It was a joke. J-O-K-E.” Remus picked up his book and flipped it open to a random page.
No, I'm not setting up Accidentally In Love. Not at all.
Sirius decided to help him out. “According to my brother, not only is Moony queer, but you and I are shagging, Prongs.”
“Really?”
“All the time, dah-ling,” Sirius lisped.
“Please tell me I’m straight. Please tell me I’m straight,” Peter prated outloud.
“Thy probably have you paired up with the giant squid, Wormtail,” Remus said from behind his book.
“The squid? Ooh, suction!!!”
Peter is such a perve :)
The four of them dissolved into laughter, and by the next day the conversation had been forgotten entirely, except for the squid.
***
Sirius honestly didn’t know what to expect from his parents. In fact, he’d almost forgotten they would be informed during the aftermath of his actions. But he remembered as he rode on the train home, and he knew his friends did too from their apprehensive silence. Odds were high that it wouldn’t be good.
Both his mother and his father were there, waiting for him and Regulus with angry eyes and dark scowls. Sirius swallowed hard as he climbed off the train, and James squeezed his shoulder in silent support. He looked back at his friends beseechingly, and then made his way over to his parents.
Regulus had already arrived, and was talking a mile a minute, apparently oblivious to their silent fury. There was absolutely no doubt in Sirius’s mind that they were indeed furious: very little would ever serve to distract them from Regulus’s ramblings.
Actually, Regulus is very much aware and doesn't want to be around when the storm breaks. He doesn't know what it's about, but he knows that Sirius is in deep shit.
The house seemed dark and threatening as Sirius walked in, clutching his bag tightly to him. It closed around him, and for the first time Sirius realized just how much he hated the house. He remembered James standing here in the foyer, eyes wide as he looked around at what today seemed to be a mansion of horrors. It was dark and musty and it sucked the life from him, and he wondered how he never could have noticed that before.
“Sirius.”
He turned at his father’s low, controlled voice. “Yes sir?”
“Go to your room. Now. Do not leave it until we come up to talk to you.”
“Yes sir.”
Sirius trudged up the stairs, heart heavy. But for once, he did not regret or bristle at his father’s fury. This time he knew he deserved everything he’d get.
He expected that the next few days would be out of a horror tale. He’d be locked in his room, denied food or water, perhaps with the occasional beating. He snorted to himself. No. That was too melodramatic. For the most part. Although he wouldn’t put aspects of that scenario past his father. But he was surprised when two hours later, his door opened and the houself appeared.
“Master and Mistress want you in the drawing room,” Kreacher told him.
Sirius was surprised- usually Regulus was their chosen emissary. He straightened his robes and ran his hand through his hair, and then made his way to the drawing room.
His parents were sitting in chairs, stiff and regal. The fire cast long shadows, making them seem even more imposing.
“Sirius,” his father said, gesturing. “Sit.”
“Yes sir.”
He sat and they stared at each other, and Sirius didn’t quite know what to say. His father finally broke the silence.
“We received an owl today from Professor Dumbledore.”
“Um…”
“Apparently, you put the life of another student- Severus Snape, I understand- in danger?”
“Yes sir.”
Arden sighed. “I’m not sure what you were thinking, Sirius.”
Sirius hung his head. “I wasn’t, sir.”
“The Snapes, although not well off, are a perfectly fine family. Purebloods that go back generations. How you could put him at risk….”
Heh. Um, obviously this was written before Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (or "Harry Potter and the Dumbest Nickname Ever") was released. Oops :)
Sirius muttered something about greasy gits. His mother raised her eyebrows, but fortunately his father didn’t seem to hear.
“It ended well, so I will ask you simply to be more cautious when dealing with members of such families.”
Sirius gaped at him.
“Yes?” His father asked, eyebrows raised.
“But… but I almost KILLED him!” Sirius protested. “I mean…”
“Are you complaining about my decision, Sirius?”
“Yes!”
All three of them were surprised at that answer.
“And why?” Arden asked. “Sirius, I know I’ve been much harder on you before and-“
Sirius's parents are only concerned about the impression this gives on the family. You know, honestly, I'm not sure how much more I have to say from here to the end, because this is another section I was ON. Not to be modest, or anything. But I'm really happy with this part.
“This time I deserve it!” Sirius said. “I mean, I almost killed not one but two fellow students! If James hadn’t pulled Sniv- Snape back then he would have been eaten alive. Literally! This isn’t like playing with Muggles or arguing with you or making a spectacle or whatever- this is… it’s serious! They both could have been killed!”
“If Severus Snape had been killed, we would be having a very different conversation right now,” his mother put in.
“But if it were up to me, he would have been! Remus is a werewolf-“
“Yes. The werewolf.” His father’s hands tightened around his chair, and Sirius nearly sagged with relief. “I must admit that I am shocked you are friends with someone who is not only a half-blood, but a werewolf.”
“Well….”
“And my one disappointment is you couldn’t have finished the job properly.”
“What?”
“Dumbledore mentioned the boy nearly lost his life.”
“Yes!” Sirius was desperate.
“It’s too bad he didn’t.”
The blood drained from Sirius’s face, coalescing in a hot pool somewhere around his stomach and making him want to vomit. “What?”
“A half-breed like that… they’re despicable, Sirius. Damien should have had the boy killed when the bite first happened.”
“What?” he had to force the syllable between numb lips.
“Sirius, dear,” his mother broke in, “it’s not like they’re really people. It’s cruel to leave them alive, thinking and hoping they can fit into society like the rest of us. It would have been a mercy to both the boy and his father if Damien had put him down when he had the chance.”
“He’s my friend,” Sirius said in a nearly inaudible whisper.
“He’s an abomination, a pathetic waste of flesh,” Arden insisted.
“Think about it Sirius,” Elizabeth said, leaning forward, “how much of a life can it be? Dumbledore said he nearly chewed his own leg off.” Unable to speak, Sirius nodded. “What kind of freak does that?”
Okay, so "freak" is a bit out of character…
“He… But…”
“Sirius, surely you must see that life for everyone would have been better off if he were just… gone.” His mother waved her hands. “Half-blood, half-breed… of what possible worth could he be?”
Sirius finally found his voice. “Don’t you understand? He’s my friend!”
“What kind of friend is he now, Sirius?” Elizabeth asked. “I’m sure he can’t be too pleased with you.” Her voice was thick with satisfaction.
Images of the last few weeks flooded Sirius’s mind, until he felt he’d break open with the pain of it. “He forgave me,” he told his mother. “He gave me a second chance.”
She snorted, the expression as eloquent as if she’d used a thesaurus. He stared at her, disbelieving.
You knew this, a voice in his head insisted. You’ve always known this. You’ve always known they don’t consider Remus worthy of you.
But to want him dead… or to have never existed….
A hole opened in Sirius’s chest.
He could understand mistrust, prejudice, hate. He thought he could, anyway. But he couldn’t understand this cold dismissal of a life.
And what a life. This wasn’t some random Muggle person in the street or a werewolf that was huddled in a shack in Scotland, not that that would be any better. This was their son’s best friend. The friend they had never even bothered to speak to, to get to know. One of the three boys that made Sirius happy, normal, and complete.
“It never mattered to you, did it?” Sirius heard himself asking. “That we were friends?”
“We’ve told you to leave him alone, Sirius,” his mother said.
“He’s never been any good. Mangy, filthy, untrust-“
“Stop it.”
“-worthy, piece of shit.”
“STOP IT!”
“He’ll betray you!”
“I BETRAYED HIM!” Sirius shouted. “Don’t you get that? Don’t you understand? I almost MURDERED my best friend!”
That should read one of my best friends, but I wanted to dramatic here. And Sirius is a teenager. He's allowed.
“Oh, Sirius, don’t be so melodramatic!” his mother snapped. “Murder, honestly!”
“That’s what it almost was.”
“It was not. Is the farmer that kills the cow for your steak a murderer? Or the exterminator who rids a house of doxies? It’s the same sort of thing.”
Sirius stared at them, shocked to the core of his being. This was not his mother. This could not be his mother. Or his father. No.
Moments flashed before his eyes, shining like shards of broken glass. His father holding him up to see Regulus. His mother cuddling him to her when he was a child. His father explaining, pointing, proud of his name and himself. His mother touching his hair, his cheek, kissing his forehead; his father’s strong arm beneath his face. The moments of warmth and love that right now seemed as cold and broken as the icicles outside.
One moment can change a lifetime. Standing there in front of his parents, shaking with fury, Sirius thought that this was that moment.
He thought of James's parents, always proud of him, and always open. Always willing to accept Sirius into their home, no questions asked, because James loved him. He thought of Remus's parents, willing to die, willing to kill, willing to forgive, all to protect their son. The thought of Peter's parents, laughing and loving and sharing.
His own parents sat there, angry and cold. His friends didn't matter. The fact that these people meant something to Sirius didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was blood and perception and social status. Sirius's opinions didn't matter. Sirius's thoughts didn't count. Sirius was the one who was wrong, and they weren't even willing to listen to his reasoning.
He thought of James, always eager to take on a challenge. From his reckless flying on the Quidditch pitch to his willingness to attempt the Animagus transformation, James had never let fear stand in his way, if he even knew it. He thought of Peter, chin set and determined to take his father's place in the household; comforting his mother and sisters, earning money for their keep, doing repairs and chores that were beyond his years. He thought of Remus, who on first impression Sirius had thought was a coward. Remus, who had to face pain and suffering and prejudice wherever he went, had more courage than any of
them.
Now it was Sirius’s turn to face what would come.
“I’m the pureblood,” he said, “and I’m the one that acted despicably.”
"No.”
“Yes! And it means nothing to you, because only blood matters. Blood and rank and social position and wizarding honor.”
“Of course those things matter!” Arden shouted. “They’ve never mattered enough to you!”
“And they’ve mattered too much to you. So much that I don’t matter anymore.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Elizabeth said, but Arden said nothing.
“Nothing matters.” Sirius said it slowly, deliberately. “Not me, not what I think, not the fact that Remus is alive and my friend. Not the fact that there are nice Muggles like Neil and Sid down the street, and people that are Muggleborn and really talented wizards, and people who are half bloods. We can rule over them all because everyone in our line was a wizard.”
Again, Remus is the vehicle for Sirius to see what his parents are. He does not leave because of their attitude about Remus, but their disregard for life in general.
“Wizarding pride-“ Arden began.
“Means nothing to me,” Sirius said coldly. “It never has.”
“Then you might say that we mean nothing to you,” Arden said coldly.
“I never said that.”
“You say you mean nothing to us because we do not see eye to eye on what is important. You do not agree with our views. Therefore we mean nothing to you.”
This was important to me, too. That the Blacks continue to think that they are right.
“My views don’t kill someone.”
“Your views will be the end of our way of life.”
We should be shouting, Sirius thought. This isn’t how this is supposed to go. We should be shouting. We should be angry. We should be…
“I’m leaving,” he heard his own voice say.
“You walk out that door tonight and you never walk back in.”
“Fine.”
“You will no longer be a member of this House, this family, or a part of my life.”
“Fine.”
“As far as I am concerned, you will no longer be a Black.”
“Fine.”
“Then go. Get out of my sight.”
Sirius turned to look at his mother.
She was standing in between them, her eyes darting back and forth between husband and son. For a moment, Sirius felt bad for her. This was hard for him; he couldn’t imagine what it would be for her. And yet, she was the one who said… who said.
And she was the one who took a step to stand next to his father, raised her chin, looked him straight in the eye and said, “Get out.”
He walked as in a dream, expecting his father to explode and chase him to his room, fists at the ready, or his mother to come and cry and tell him it would be all right. But the house was silent and no one came for him.
He didn’t have much to pack. Everything he owned was at school, except the small bag he’d brought home, and some pictures and letters he wanted to keep. He was running away. Leaving. For good. So why was he packing as if he was leaving for Hogwarts?
He slung the bag over his shoulder and looked around the room. It would be the last time he saw it. He knew that.
He didn’t care.
He walked through the hallway, back to the drawing room. He saw Regulus peeping out his door, and ignored him. DT would hear. He’d hear everything. Knowing Regulus, he’d heard it all already.
They were still standing in the drawing room. They weren’t holding on to each other like grief-stricken parents, or yelling that this was the other’s fault. Just standing there, clinging to pride and ritual and formality to ease emotion out of existence.
“Well, goodbye then,” Sirius said.
His father turned away. His mother’s eyes met his, and Sirius saw she was crying.
He took a step forward. And then another. He wanted to put his arms around her, to tell her he’d loved her once, to wish her luck. But she raised her arm and without looking, a thin stream of red light blasted his name from the family tapestry. And inside he felt the cord cut, and without another word he spun on his heel and left the room.
***
It was raining, cold and sleeting and wet. Sirius stepped off the Knight Bus into the freedom of it, and told himself that it was only the rain that wet his cheeks.
Only the rain.
***
James opened the door. Sirius couldn’t speak, he could only look at his best friend, helpless.
“Come in,” James said, putting an arm around Sirius’s wet shoulder. “Come home.”
***
Yeah, there just wasn't much to say. Aside from a word here or there, there's nothing I'd change about the scene with Sirius and his parents and Sirius running away.
His clothes were warm and dry. Mrs. Potter had put a bowl of homemade potato soup in front of him, and Mr. Potter was changing the sheets in the guest room, which would be his as long as he wanted. James was sitting with him, not saying anything but a solid, firm presence that Sirius was grateful for. The kitchen was close and warm, and the rain against the windows had a cozy sound from in here.
Eventually James spoke. “Do you want the others?”
“I suppose they should know.”
“I’ll see if they can come.” James went over to the fireplace.
The conversation with Peter was quick and hurried, and within seconds Peter himself was standing in the room, brushing the ash from his robes. He sat down beside Sirius as James poked his head in to talk to Remus.
The conversation was much longer, and seemed far tenser, from the little Sirius could hear. James pulled back out finally, his face pale and looking worried. “I’m not sure Remus will be here,” he said.
Sirius wasn’t surprised.
“So what happened?” Peter asked.
Sirius began to tell them, his voice hollow and dead and still so calm. He wanted to be angry, to be hurt… and he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. It had been building for so long that the actual event seemed anticlimactic. But how had he not seen it?
There was a large spinning shape in the fireplace, and Remus stumbled out in front of them. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, trying to catch his bearings. “I would have been here sooner, but my father… he didn’t want me to come.”
“And he does now?” Peter asked perceptively.
Remus bit his lip. “Well….”
“Moony the prefect breaking rules?” James teased, although his voice lacked the heart it normally had.
Remus waved him off. “Sirius, what happened?”
And that’s when it broke.
His own parents didn’t care. But James opened his home without questions, Peter left his family obligations without thought, and Remus defied his father to be here. For him. For the person who’d caused all the trouble this year, for the person who’d nearly killed Remus, for… for him.
He buried his head in his arms on the table and cried.
The bit that started it all!
Dumbledore was right, he told himself. This is home. This is family. They are my family. But...
But.
It’s not easy or right to walk away from family, because that’s not what family is. Family doesn’t give up like that, and they don’t give up each other. Family comes first and sticks together and defends each other and it should be unbreakable. You love them no matter what. That’s family.
But sometimes families break. Sometimes they do give up, and sometimes they turn away from each other. Sometimes it doesn’t come first and there are more important things, sometimes they let each other down, and sometimes you can’t love them anymore, no matter what. And that’s family too.
And sometimes family isn’t blood. Sometimes you meet them when you’re already eleven, and together you make your own decisions. You share a room, share your classes, share your meals, share your secrets, share your lives. And sometimes you get angry, and sometimes you get hurt. But they love you, not because they have to, but just because they do. And sometimes it’s unbreakable.
And sometimes, when you have to walk away from one family and the wounds cut so deep that you can’t even speak of them, you walk into the arms of another one.
On a rainy cold night in December, Sirius Black lost one family. But as James, Remus and Peter gathered around him, he knew he was part of another one.
Best ending I've written, ever.
Well, that's Deny Thy Father! Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:17 pm (UTC)And it is because of how much thought you have put into the characters and because of the little things that you have borrowed from real people (for example from you) that your fics seem so real and that your characters are so genuine. Not to say that the characters are very true to themselves and the arc of the characters is wonderful and totally adapted to canon.
I must say something, which is not related at all with your fic or your comments. it is just a general observation.
It happens in real life, of course, and it is totally normal, but loving Lupin very much, it is sad to see that he doesn't come first in anything.
he is not the smartest.
he is not James' best friend, nor is he Sirius' best friend. he is not the most loved by any of his friends;
he is not popular. he is not popular in canon, and he is not more popular than the other marauders not even in fandom (well, except for Peter). At least my impression is that everybody, or almost everybody in fandom, including R/S shippers like Sirius, and even James, more.
he is not the closest adult to harry and he never will be.
What else? There is a large list of things.
I don't know, I have a habit of not going in the same direction as everybody else. I always pick the losing side in sports and the Not-Number 1 characters in literature.
But it is interesting to see the place everybody places Remus and the explanations they give about his character. And even when I consider them accurate, like yours, it is somehow sad to see. I think this is pretty childish, of course, but I cannot help it.
There was a fic I liked very much, very good fic, very well written, from popy's perspective. But I had to put some distance to that fic at some point because her perspective over remus sadened me enormously. In her view Remus was less intelligent than J and S, but somehow even less than your Peter. And he had reasonably good marks, but not excellent because he missed classes a lot (with the full moon) and being less-gifted than the others he couldn't recop very well. It is logic, I must admit, but it still makes me sad.
Oh well, and he didn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or whatever, and he wouldn't have one because he was a werewolf and he didn't want to get close to people etc.
It was silly of me, but I really couldn't get past this characterization.
Anyway, i don't have a point exactly, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.
It's not that i don't like Sirius, I do, and I would have probably had a crush on him in highschool, but I like Remus so much better. It is because of how kind he is, and because of how well he treats people and how well he handles situation; and it is because of his sense of humour and his intelligenc etc.
I seem to be one of the very few. For the others he is just ok and he is nice only as companion for Sirius.
Oh, and I love James, as well. Your James who is exactly, in my opinion, the James JKR created or at least the James JKR had in her mind. James is just wonderfu, pranks and all.
What do you mean by "Martyr?"
And you definitely must write that fic you mentioned. I hope you will have time to write it and share it with us!
How's Toby?
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:26 pm (UTC)I think you've also hit the nail on the head as to why so many fans adore Remus- he's NOT exceptionally gifted, and he always seems to get the short end of the stick. It really inspires sympathy, because he's such a nice guy. Although I'd disagree that he's not popular in fandom- most people I know are Remus fangirls :)
I do think sometimes people go the opposite way in making Remus too normal. I think there's every indication that he's very bright- just not disgustingly so like Sirius and James. Sirius talks about how Remus was someone big and strong to Peter, so that tells me Remus could hold his own against Sirius and James. But yeah, his lot has sort of sucked, hasn't it?
A martyr (in this case) is someone who suffers unfairly for others- and in the slang like I'm using it, more just someone who is happy to suffer. Remus's whole "I must be grateful to Snape" speech in HBP really ticked me off, because darn it, I'd like him to show SOME sign of being human!!!
Toby's doing great, thanks for asking :) He's got a little cold, but nothing serious, and he is SO determined to walk. No crawling for him, if he can help it!
Thanks for your comments, and have a good one!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 11:06 am (UTC)You know, at first I thought Remus was perhaps your favorite character because of your name; then I found out it was because of the grey in your hair :)
Anyway, you write a very good Remus even if, judging by your comments, you like him less than Sirius and James.
I know what a martyr is. But I thought you were using the word in an ironic way and I didn't understand why you were making fun.
But I think you may be wrong. The reason I love Remus is because he is not a saint and he is not a martyr.
His comment about Snape was because: 1. he had to set an example for Harry and help him push the hatred out of his life. Hatred is not good and it doesn't help a person at all, more likely it destroys his/her heart. Remus knows it, having to deal with hatred all his life. And he wants to teach Harry that. To see the good part of things and not to waste time and energy hating people 2) Remus believes in Snape because Dumbledore does, and Remus trusts Dumbledore and his judgment 100%. it is pretty clear that Remus does not trust Snape per se, but trusts Dumbledore so much, that if Dumbledore says Snape is ok, then Remus must believe Snape is ok, as well 3) Remus is grateful for the potion because it helps his life. Again, he tries to see the good part of things. Not Snape's nastiness, but the fact that he brewed the potion for him.
It seems to me that Lupin doesn't like Snape very much, but he tries to get along with him. Because he is mature, and because he can control his emotions and because he is a marauder.
And this is the other thing I love about him. He may seem all gentleman-like, and proper and nice, but behind all that, a lot of times, there is mischief.
he answers nicely to Peeves, but it is only a facade, because after that he throws the gum into Peeves' nose.
He looks like an angel when he tells Neville to imagine Snape in the cloth of N4eville's grandmother, but I am sure that he enjoyed himself greatly during that time.
He answers properly to Snape when Snape catches Harry and he is nice to Snape, but he is lying to Snape. It seems to me that yes, Remus is mature enough to behave well even against Snape, but it is also a touch of mischief there, because obviously Remus's proper behavior annoys Snape and makes Snape feel powerless a hell lot more than Sirius and Harry' angry behavior.
And this is why I love Remus. By being nice to Snape and by not getting upset because of Snape and not losing control, Remus is the one that has the control in their relationship. He is the upper hand. Something that Sirius never learnt. And something that I do not manage either, although I would love to.
Which are your thoughts on the matter?
You know, one of my colleagues has a one month and a half old baby. And he is gorgeous. I imagine how wonderful-although demanding- must be to have a
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 02:40 pm (UTC)I actually love Sirius and Remus equally, I think. I find that Sirius gets a little less love in fandom- I see a lot of versions where he cheats on poor, innocent Remus, or he suspects Remus for no good reason, or he is cruel in some way, shape, or form to his friends in a very deliberate manner. I lot of my commentary is a backlash against that. But also, this fic IS so centered on Sirius that Sirius (and James because they're so joined at the hip) got more love in my comments. I tend to write Sirius more than Remus, for some reason. Maybe I just find him easier!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 07:13 pm (UTC)between the marauders, i mean.
Yes, there is a lot of bad characterization of Sirius our there, isn't it? And a lot of bad characterization of remus, as well.
Sirius is fun to write, i imagine. Remus is more restrained. And young Sirius is a sweetheart. It is adult Sirius that I didn't like that much, especially in OOTp. Mainly because I love Harry very much, and I would have liked to see Sirius more supportive and cool in OOTP. And poor Sirius was having serious issues and was getting overwhelmed by them.
Personally I am frustrated with JKR, for not giving us more of Remus in HBP. Poor Remus had no fault! That "evil" woman didn't include him in HBP!
And I do not have hopes for the last book, either. I foresee a Snape the martyr and Snape the greatest, which annoys me so deeply, that I feel i may sufocate of fury. Cause I cannot stand Snape. And the idea of him becoming this important character when Remus is barely seen and Sirius is dead and James is dead etc. annoys me.
I wish harry WAS RIGHT and Snape was just a traitor.
Anyway, this is beside the point.
Sirius' jorney from a loving son to leaving home in Deny the father is very believable and, as I said, I like that your marauders are just normal people, with faults and qualities as everybody else.
It is a pity that you have covered almost all the missing years. After AIL there is not a lot more to write about.
I will shut up now, I promise. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 11:15 pm (UTC)So, all around an enjoyable read! :)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 02:41 pm (UTC)Looking forward to fic!