Accidentally In Love, Part VIII

[lls_mutant]

***

“All right Black. You’ve been asleep long enough. It’s time to wake up.”

This time when Sirius opened his eyes, the hammering house-elves were gone and the light didn’t hurt. He was in a bed, with a ceiling of wooden beams above him. His leg was numb, and one eye was covered. “What happened?”

“That’s what I want you to tell me.” Sirius turned his head to see Alastor Moody sitting in an armchair, arms crossed, face impassive. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Sirius struggled to sit up. “I don’t remember clearly,” he said, thinking back on those confused minutes in the alleyway. “I remember that one woman getting me in the leg, and you telling Frank and I to Apparate back to the alley. We knew what you meant. I took one side and he took the other. I was sitting against a dustbin trying to get my leg to stop bleeding, I looked over at Frank, and he was waiting too. Then…” Sirius’s face contorted with concentration as he thought. “That’s where it gets strange. There was this voice in my head telling me to cross the alley, and I couldn’t stop… oh shit. Oh SHIT!”

“Keep going,” Moody said.

Sirius’s eyes widened (which was rather painful, especially as they pulled on the bandage) as the pieces clicked into place in his mind. “I stepped out, even though I knew that wasn’t the plan, something came at me and I jumped back, and then that same voice was telling me to kill Longbottom.”

“What were the exact words?”

Sirius tried to remember. “Kill him, I think.”

“Him? Not Longbottom by name?”

“I think so.”

“Shit,” Moody growled.

Sirius stared down at his lap. His robe was somewhere else, and his trousers that he’d had on beneath it had been slit all the way up to the hip. His wounded leg was wrapped neatly in heavy gauze.

“Did they get the Death Eaters in?” he asked, his voice sounding very far away.

“Yeah, although only two are confirmed Death Eaters.” Moody was getting to his feet. “I’m going to the Ministry for the day. Stay here until the Order meeting tonight. Find your way around, and Sommers is still here if you need company.” He jabbed a finger at Sirius’s leg. “Said he’d finish fixing you up anyway.”

“All right.” Sirius felt oddly meek and ashamed as he watched Moody leave the room. He settled back against the pillows, turning the events over in his mind.

***

“So Moody thinks it was Imperius?” James asked.

James and Sirius were settled at a corner table, talking in hushed voices. The meeting was over and members of the Order were departing, or mingling and talking. Remus, Lily, Peter, and Emmeline Vance were involved in some sort of intense conversation. Moody and Caradoc were bent over a piece of parchment, with Caradoc sketching rapidly. Dumbledore had already returned to Hogwarts. No one else paid attention to two old friends having what appeared to be a personal conversation.

“He’s pretty sure. It was the strangest feeling, Prongs.” Sirius was still feeling shaken. “They could have told me to do anything, and I would have done it.”

“But you didn’t,” James pointed out. “You didn’t kill Frank. You didn’t even try, from the sounds of it.”

“But there was so much else going on,” Sirius pointed out. “What if he’d tried to get me to do it one night late at the Ministry, when Frank wasn’t expecting it? What if he tried to get me to do it to you?”

“You wouldn’t have,” James insisted loyally. “You would have fought it.”

Sirius frowned, looking over to where Remus was now standing against a wall, listening as Emmeline explained something, waving her wand demonstratively. “You know,” he said slowly, tearing at the damp napkin that had been under his drink, “I’m not so sure. You remember… you remember when I sent Snape to the Willow?”

James’s face was blank. “Yes.”

“I thought Remus wouldn’t kill him. I really did. Because Remus wouldn’t kill anyone, right?”

“Right. Look, Sirius, I see where you’re going with this. But there’s a huge difference between Remus turning into a bloodthirsty creature once a month and you fighting off an Imperius Curse!”

“Is there?” Sirius wondered. “Remus can keep his sanity a bit if we’re there.”

“Yes. But it’s still… what’s the expression? Comparing apples and oranges? Or in this case, more like bezoars and bludgers. The Imperius Curse can be fought, Sirius. It just takes strength and being ready and-“

“Constant vigilance!” Sirius chorused along with him. “Believe me, I got quite the lecture on it from Moody already. But what if I fail?”

“Don’t fail,” was James’s simple solution. He took a deep sip of his beer. “I’m more interested in the fact that you know where Moody was, you were going to kill Frank, but none of you have said anything about where Mulciber was. Do you think Mulciber’s the one?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I certainly do. But Mulciber says he was in the next alley over, and Doge even suggested that there was another Death Eater who’d been in the alley with me. He says the fact that the order was to kill ‘him’ and not ‘Longbottom’, and the fact I can remember it and wasn’t obliviated afterwards means that we don’t have conclusive proof against Mulciber.”

James snorted. “Since when is the Ministry requiring conclusive proof? Dad said that at least three people that have been turned in recently had plausible alibis, but the Ministry isn’t examining their cases closely.”

Sirius frowned. “But what bothers me is that lives are at stake here. Hell, four Aurors have already been killed because of this bastard, and if that blast hadn’t come right when it had, Longbottom might have been dead too.”

“And if he’s using Imperius…” James mused. “I guess you’d want to be sure before sending a man to Azkaban for life.”

“Don’t know. Crouch is talking about authorizing the use of Unforgivables against Death Eaters.”

“No!”

“It’s that serious, he says, especially when Aurors are being taken down.” The napkin was now confetti. “Why can’t I draw the line between them? Why isn’t either answer right?”

James sighed. “That’s war, I expect. Nothing’s ever truly right.”

***

Sirius didn’t tell Remus about the Imperius Curse that night. The parallels he’d drawn in his mind were too uncomfortable, and he didn’t think that Remus would appreciate them. He also didn’t think Remus would appreciate knowing one of his best friends had nearly been killed today by his lover. So he told Remus about the raid in vague detail, and Remus didn’t press. Better to leave it at the door, leave it outside, and not let his worries and fears intrude on what they had here.

Better to relax, to lie on the couch and read with his head in Remus’s lap as Remus stroked his hair and read his own book and silence wrapped around them in warm comfort. Better to make late-night sandwiches and listen to Remus talk about stories of the lab, Caradoc’s antics, and new ways to kill Poky. Better to make their way to bed late that night, laughing under the covers and playing until their amusement turned to sensuality, and pleasure was granted and received through tender hands and willing mouths and a pair of lovers oblivious to the world. And far, far better to fall asleep with Remus in his arms, spooned against his front like they frequently slept.

All these things were better than remembering that Remus was a spy whose life was at risk every day, that Sirius was in the line of fire constantly, that they’d already lost and would lose far more, that their friends, their family, and their world was in a very real danger, and that yes, James was right, and they were at war.

***

“Where were you last night?” Frank asked Remus a week later.

“Dumbledore had something for me to do,” Remus said, grimacing.

“Again?” Frank’s thick eyebrows shot up. “He’s really keeping you busy, isn’t he? What did he want?”

“Not allowed to say.”

“Oh. One of those.” Frank seemed unconcerned. “Ready to get this translation going?”

“Let’s see it,” Remus agreed, pulling the parchment to him.

It disturbed him slightly how easily the lie tripped off his tongue. But then, years of practice made almost perfect. And was he really lying? The reason he was working for the Death Eaters was because Dumbledore wanted him to.

Dumbledore had merely been amused when Remus told him about the raid on Westminster Abbey, and had only been slightly more concerned when last night Remus and Regulus had been sent to steal a book from an old library. Of course, it was always hard to tell what Dumbledore was thinking. He’d been able to pry two possible names from Regulus (neither of which were given voluntarily), but Remus was realizing that the disadvantage to Regulus’s plan was that he would never be in to deeper Death Eater circles.

“It’s not a matter for worry, my boy,” Dumbledore had assured him. “What you tell me is certainly valuable, and even if young Mr. Black had a better plan, you would not be permitted in the inner circles of Death Eaters, given your heritage. That’s not what I’m expecting of you.”

“Then what are you expecting?” Remus asked.

“Any information you can give me,” Dumbledore answered, unusually humbly. “I must confess, Mr. Lupin, that we are in a very grave position.”

It had been most depressing, but at the same time comforting to know that he wasn’t expected to penetrate the innermost circles and practice Legilimancy on Voldemort. (Particularly good given that while sometimes he could get useful information out of Regulus, more often he got impressions of wanting a ham sandwich or memories of the Slytherin common room and a girl named Leah who never really seemed all that interested anyway.) Remus shook his head.

“Does it all ever seem pointless to you?” he asked Frank. “I mean, does it feel like no matter what we do, they’ll win in the end?”

“Every single day,” Frank admitted. “But if I die fighting, at least I can die knowing I did what I could. If I live a long life without doing anything… well then, how could I live with myself?”

“Thanks,” Remus said, smiling.

“For what?”

“For reminding me of what I was thinking. Come on. Let’s get this done.”

***

“How’d the site look?” Alice asked Sirius as he staggered in in the first week of December, covered in soot, sweat, and grime.

“Terrible,” Sirius said shortly, collapsing into his chair. “I don’t think there were two cinder blocks left together. Any luck on interrogating the suspects?”

Alice’s face darkened. “No. Both of them claim to know nothing. Crouch wants to use Crucio.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Why doesn’t he try Veratiserum?” Sirius wondered.

“He doesn’t trust it,’ Alice explained. “He says it can be resisted too easily.”

Sirius made a profane gesture in the general direction of Crouch’s office.

“Damien go with you?” Alice asked.

“Yeah.”

“How’d he take it?”

“Better than I thought he would, actually. Hey, are you all right? You look really tired.”

“I am. I fell asleep twice at my desk today,” Alice admitted.

“Listen. I’ll be here for an hour yet with that report. Go home and get some rest. I’ll cover for you,” Sirius offered. She truly did look terrible, with dark circles marring the skin under her eyes, and her freckles standing out too sharply against her pale complexion.

“You don’t have to.”

“No, but I will. Go.” He gestured her out the door.

“Thanks, Sex God,” Alice said with a grateful smile. She ruffled his hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. No wild acrobatics with Frank tonight,” Sirius warned.

Alice put out her tongue and left.

Sirius settled down at his desk and tried to write the report. But after fifteen minutes, all he had managed was three sentences. The image of the charred ruins of a family home kept coming back to him. Fortunately, his mind blocked out the twisted and blackened bodies that had been among the rubble.

“Good Merlin, Padfoot. Don’t you ever bathe?”

Sirius jumped, but met his visitor with a smile. “Wormtail! I’ve never been so glad to see you in my life! What are you doing here? And so spiffed up?”

Peter grinned and smoothed his dark green dress robes. “I dropped by to pick up Tina. One of her friends had a baby and the christening is tonight.”

“Who had the baby?” Sirius asked. He’d never been able to keep track of Tina’s many friends, all a blur of faces and names and vague personalities.

“I don’t think you know them. Tom and Beth Edgecombe. They had a little girl.”

“You do realize that a christening will start Tina on her commitment kick again, right?” Sirius asked.

Peter shrugged. “I don’t mind so much anymore. In fact-“

“Sirius,” Damien Lupin had approached quietly. “Excuse me,” he said politely to Peter. “I just wanted to let you know I’ll be turning in my report tomorrow instead of tonight, if you want to wait to finish yours.”

“No, I’ll finish before I go home,” Sirius said. “Are you leaving?”

“I think so. I’m tired.”

“Need anything?”

“No. I’m fine. Are you boys sure about tomorrow night?”

“Of course. Dinner’s at seven.”

“All right. I’ll see you then.” Damien’s gaze widened to include Peter again. “Have a good night.”

“What’s tomorrow night?” Peter asked, watching Damien limp away.

“Remus invited him over for dinner,” Sirius said with a shrug. “So we’re cooking.” He smiled softly as Damien turned the corner. “He and Remus both are looking forward to it, I think. I hope.” He looked up to see the strangest expression on Peter’s face; at any other time, Sirius might have called it jealousy. But what would Peter possibly be jealous about? “Why don’t you and Tina stop by tomorrow night?” he suggested. “I’ll owl Prongs and Lily, too.”

“We wouldn’t want to be in the way….”

“Come after dinner.”

“All right.” The strange look was gone- Sirius decided he had imagined it. Peter was rearranging his cloak. “I should go get my lady fair,” he said. “Speaking of dinner, by the way, my considerable divination prowess tells me that Moony won’t have cooked tonight. You’d be smart to pick up take-away, but not Chinese.”

“Why not Chinese? Moony likes it.”

“Just trust me.”

Sirius waved him off.

It took another hour to finish the report, and because darkness was well past and it was lat, Sirius took Peter’s advice and stopped for take away. He even gave in and chose Thai over Chinese. He rose back to the flat, cursing as he realized it was well past eight, and that it was raining.

The flat was dark when he arrived, could and wet and the take-away saved only by a few well-chosen charms. Sirius unlocked the wards they’d set and shivered his way inside.

“Moony?”

No answer.

He shucked off his boots and hung his coat and proceeded into the living room, bringing up the lights along the way. He drew back in surprise when he saw Remus on the sofa, staring out the window.

“Moony?” he asked again. “I’m home.”

Remus ducked his head, and Sirius thought he saw him take a few furtive swipes at his face with the sleeve of his robe. “Hi Pads,” Remus finally said, turning back to face him. He had a smile, a calm voice, and yes… red eyes. But if Sirius didn’t know Remus, he might have easily been fooled into believing nothing was wrong.

But Sirius knew Remus better than anyone else alive, with the exception of James.

He sat down on the sofa, dropping the food on the table and propping up his feet. “What are you doing sitting all alone in the dark?”

“Was it dark?” Remus asked, blinking his eyes at the lights.

“Yeah. You all right?” he asked. “No. That’s stupid. Remus, what’s wrong?”

Remus shook his head wordlessly.

“Come here,” Sirius said, wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulders and pulling him close until Remus’s head was resting against his chest. Remus curled into the embrace, nestling against Sirius. There was a subtle difference there, Sirius realized. Remus had always accepted physical affection from Sirius before, but now he seemed to crave it, responding hungrily to every touch. It was one of the few changes Sirius had noticed since the attack.

“I’m sorry I was late,” he said, stroking Remus’s hair. Remus’s thin body was still in his arms, but Sirius had the suspicion Remus was trying not to cry. He kept stroking his hair hypnotically. “I had a report to finish. Wormtail stopped by the office, too. Told me his divination powers said I should get takeaway. So I did. But he said no Chinese. Any idea why the fates have such an interest in our dinner?”

Sirius bent his head down to catch the broken whispers. “Mum… and I… we used to eat Chinese together when Dad was out.”

“Ah. I see.” Sirius wasn’t sure what else to say.

He didn’t need to say anything. Remus took two deep, shuddering breaths and sat up and opened the cartons. “Looks good, Pads. You up for a game of Scrabble while we eat?”

Instinctively Sirius knew that the thing to do was to smile, to agree, and to pretend that he’d come home to find Remus like normal. And he was rewarded with Remus’s smile increasing in frequency and his shoulders relaxing through the night.

But it was really eerie that Peter had been right.

***


Sirius had been asleep, warm and comfortable in his bed, for maybe an hour when a warm hand gripped his bare shoulder.

“Don’t attack!” the intruder hissed. “It’s just me!”

“Merlin, Prongs!” Sirius said, his heartbeat attempting to return to normal. Next to him, Remus stirred. “What is it?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Need Moony too?”

“No. Let him sleep.”

“Prongs?” Remus’s eyes slitted open. “What are you doing here?”

Sirius jerked his head at the door. “Prongs, go make hot chocolate, and I’ll get dressed.” He waited until James was out of the room before he eased out of bed. James didn’t need to be traumatized by his naked gay best friends tonight, from the looks of it. “Stay in bed, Moony,” he said, dropping a kiss on Remus’s head as he pulled boxers and a dressing gown on. “I think it’s personal.”

“All right.” Remus burrowed deeper into the mattress, and Sirius grinned wryly as he noticed a larger-than-fifty-percent-share of the covers disappearing around the slender body. “I’ll want those back,” he warned and went out into the kitchen.

In the full light of the kitchen he was shocked at James’s face. James had dark, heavy circles under reddened, bloodshot eyes, and his hair was lank and greasy. “What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, suddenly very worried. “Is Lily okay?”

“She’s all right,” James said, but he didn’t meet Sirius’s eyes. He settled down at the table with the two mugs of hot chocolate. Sirius considered, took a bottle of bourbon of the shelf, and added a generous dose to each mug. “I’m sorry I woke you guys up.”

“I wasn’t really sleeping,” Sirius said. “And Remus falls back asleep in an instant; you know that.”

James shrugged. “You know, that’s the first time I’ve really seen you together. As a couple.”

“You’ve seen us.”

“Yeah, but you act like you always do. Tonight you looked like…”

Sirius waved his hand. “James, you didn’t come over here at two in the morning to tell me we look cute together or some shit like that. What’s wrong?”

“Lily’s pregnant.”

“Oh God.”

James dropped his head into his hands. “She’s pregnant. She’s going to have a baby. We’re going to have a baby.”

Sirius ignored the hot chocolate and took a swallow of brandy straight from the bottle. He offered it to James who waved it away and sat silently, staring at something Sirius couldn’t see and didn’t want to imagine. Sirius was honestly lost as what to say. The seconds ticking on the clock were audible in the silence that stretched between them.

“I’m not ready for this,” James finally said, his voice hoarse.

“Me neither. A baby.” Sirius was still overcome with it. A miniature James or Lily.

“I mean,” James said, taking off his glasses, “babies are… they’re babies.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed.

“They need you. Every minute of the day. Diapers and feedings and crying all night and school and looking at you like you know everything and asking questions… Padfoot, I don’t know why the sky is blue! How am I supposed to raise a baby?”

Sirius took another deep swig of liquor. “I guess you make it up as you go along?” he suggested.

James’s snort of disgust was more eloquent than any words he could have chosen.

“How’s Lily taking it?” Sirius ventured.

“She’s… I don’t know. Happy, I think. I think she’s excited. But she’s scared too. She says it’s normal to be scared.”

Sirius considered this. “I suppose,” he said doubtfully.

James shrugged, staring at the table.

“Listen,” Sirius said, after the silence had stretched too long for him. “Stay on our sofa tonight. I’ll just tell Moony you had a fight with Lily, and I’ll get you some sleeping draught- we’ve got some on hand. Sleep, we’ll make you breakfast in the morning, and then go back home to Lily tomorrow and work it out.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Sirius said, completely sincere.

“I’m not interrupting or intruding?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m going to go back into the bedroom and fall asleep. How can you intrude on that?”

James smiled gratefully. “Thanks Padfoot.”

“No problem. I’ll get you a blanket and the draught. Make yourself comfortable.”

He settled James on the couch, and then returned to bed. Remus woke up as he slipped in. “Prongs okay?” he asked groggily.

“Yeah, he will be. Just a marriage spat.”

“Surprised they haven’t had one before this,” Remus said around a huge yawn.

“He’s here for the night.”

Remus nodded and nestled back into the pillows. Sirius draped an arm around his waist and pulled him close, spooning Remus’s body against his. But despite the warmth and comfort, Sirius lay awake until dawn.

***

"You look exhausted," Remus commented as Frank stretched back, cracking his knuckles above his head.

"I am," Frank agreed, now popping his back. "Haven't slept much in the past two nights. We got some news."

"Oh?"

"Alice is pregnant."

Remus stared at him in shock. "You're kidding."

"No. I mean, it's not really the end of the world, but now we have to get married."

"But you're engaged," Remus pointed out.

Frank shook his head, grinning. "It's not that. I love Alice. Alice isn't the problem. The problem is my mother. And her father. And her siblings. And my sisters. And our grandmothers."

"What possible problem could there be?" Remus asked, confused. "You're pureblood, she's pureblood…."

"My mother has a million and one problems with Alice. She's too devoted to a dangerous career. She won't make a good mother because of that. She won't make a good wife because of that. She's not pretty enough. Her family is snobbish. Her brother actually works for a bunch of flopheaded idiots who don't know their asses from their elbows. What it all boils down to is I'm her only son and therefore no woman is good enough for me." Remus snickered, and Frank kicked him under the table. "Laugh it up, fuzzball, just because you're never going to have to deal with this."

"You're wrong. My father still watches Sirius like he's about to become the Big Bad Wolf and carry me off into the forest or something."

"Oh, come off it. Your father loves Sirius. Anyway, her family's never really liked me, either, especially since we started living together. And my father got drunk in front of them, and okay, so did I. Twice. And I don’t make enough money. But even once they get over those tirades, both our families want this huge, elaborate, expensive wedding with white frills and flowers and ten courses and dancing."

Remus shuddered. "And you don't."

"No. We want to get married in the Registry office and have six people for pints and sandwiches at a pub someplace, and then maybe have a really nice honeymoon and get on with our lives."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you about that." Frank scratched his chin with his quill. “Alice and I are just going to elope. We're not going to Rome or anything, although we thought about that. We just want to have a quick ceremony in the Ministry. Benjy said he'd cover for us, and my sister Liz said she'd help us too. But Alice and I were wondering if you and Sirius would be our witnesses."

"Us?" Remus said, nearly falling off his chair.

Frank shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, you know how Alice and Sirius have been ever since they started at the Ministry, and I kind of thought you and I have been-"

Remus flushed with pleasure. "Frank, I know I'd be honored. The only thing is I have to talk to the Registry."

"Why?" Frank asked.

"It's a legal issue. I have to get special permission to act in any sort of legal capacity. They might not let me, but I'll ask. I'll go tomorrow."

Frank nodded. "All right."

***

The Werewolf Registry Office looked the same as it always had. Remus sat on one of the old chairs, elbows resting on his knees as he twisted his fingers together. Funny that he should be nervous over something like this, something that didn't really affect his own life. But his stomach was twisting with nerves and his palms were sweating.

"Mr. Lupin?" the secretary finally said. "Mr. Macnair will see you now."

Shit. He'd been hoping for Diggory. Diggory would have been more understanding, more likely to grant permission. He almost gave up and left the room. "Thank you," he said, following the secretary back to Macnair's office.

Remus had never liked Alvin Macnair, and certainly the feeling had been mutual. But today Macnair stood up as Remus entered the room. "Lupin," he said courteously, almost jovially. "This is unexpected. What can I do for you today?"

Remus took a deep breath. "I've been asked to serve as a witness for a wedding," he explained. "I've come to apply for permission to do so."

"Well." Macnair flipped open the file on his desk. "A wedding, you say?"

"Yes. Frank Longbottom and Alice Fenwick."

A form appeared. And a quill. Remus's breath caught in his throat. "When would this wedding be?"

"Thursday afternoon."

"Place?"

"Here at the Ministry."

"Other witnesses?"

"Sirius Black."

"Others attending?"

"Just whoever is officiating."

"Small affair, I see." The quill was scratching over the paper. "Well, Lupin, we've had our differences, but I see from your file that there is absolutely no reason to deny you your right. In fact," he said, looking up from his work with what could almost be termed a leer, "there's every reason to grant it to you. Glad you wised up, boy."

Startled, Remus grunted noncommittally.

Macnair handed over a copy of the form. "Give this to the officiating witch or wizard, and make sure a copy of it is attached to their records. And if you need anything else Lupin, come to me and not Diggory. We repay those who serve us," he added with a wink.

Remus couldn't escape the office fast enough.

***

"You're kidding!" Sirius said that night, eyes wide. "They're letting you do it?"

"Macnair put it through," Remus explained. "It makes me sick, but it doesn't hurt anyone, and…."

"And you should be allowed to do it anyway." Sirius grumbled. "Of course, this means you have proof positive that Macnair is a Death Eater."

"I know. I told Dumbledore already. He's not ready to act on it. He wants me to work with it, see if I can't get more out of Macnair."

"Makes sense." Sirius sighed heavily. "I just wish that the first time you've been shown any fairness hadn't been the enemy's doing."

"It wasn't," Remus said.

Sirius looked up, startled.

"The first person to show me any fairness was Dumbledore. And he did it for nothing. And then there were these three blokes that call themselves Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail. And oh yes, don't forget my parents."

"Six people, Moony."

"Yes. The six most important people in the world."

***

Two days later Remus and Sirius stood in a small office in the Ministry, wearing their nicest non-dress robes. The bride and groom were even more relaxed, both wearing everyday clothing. Alice had told them that both she and Frank felt too much pageantry was attached to weddings, and that a lifelong commitment could be made in tattered robes and patches just as well as in dress robes made of fine material and heavily jeweled. (Although she confessed that she had chosen robes that were much more flattering than some others in her closet.) The couple stood before an official they’d never met, and exchanged plain silver bands that would never attract the oohs and ahhs of admiring friends. And yet, their faces glowed with such happiness that Remus couldn’t help but agree with them, and next to him, he saw Sirius swipe at his eyes with the hem of his sleeve.

He couldn’t deny a sense of pride when he signed his name to the marriage certificate. Sirius smiled at him, squeezing his shoulder, and for once Remus felt like a full-fledged human, even if the official did stand a little too far away for what would be natural.

They went to a small Muggle pub afterwards, a nice place that was nearly deserted thanks to the fact it was three thirty on a weekday afternoon. Frank and Alice were both flushed with success, and for all their lack of trappings and trimmings were as giggling and nauseating as any newly married couple. And after sandwiches and pints, they waved the happy couple off to a short honeymoon in what Sirius thought might be Spain and Remus was guessing Greece, but no one would ever know for sure.

“Come on,” Sirius said, taking Remus’s hand for a moment to pull him. “Let’s go for a walk before we go home.”

They walked through the street companionably, shoulder brushing against shoulder. The wind was rather mild for late December, and the snow was fresh enough to be white. They stopped by the river, and Sirius sat down on a park bench after spelling it to be warm. He patted the spot beside him, and Remus joined him.

The sun was setting, the shades of red and purple reflecting off the surface of the water. “It’s pretty,” Remus said idly. “Funny how we never take the time to do this. Just to look.”

“We don’t take the time to do a lot of things,” Sirius said. He was fidgeting, threading his fingers together. “We should.”

“Mmm.” Remus’s eyes were fixed on the scene before them.

“Remus, I’m not sure quite how to say this.” Sirius’s hand was suddenly warm over his. “It was never part of any plan, but if I don’t say it, I might never get to, and then I’d regret it.”

He turned to face Sirius. “What is it?” he asked.

Sirius’s eyes met his. “I love you.”

Remus’s lips parted in a silent exclamation that got snagged somewhere in his throat.

“I know this isn’t what we wanted, or what we planned on, or anything like that,” Sirius rushed on. “And it doesn’t change anything, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t want it to change anything. But I wanted to say it, because I can’t take another few months like the last ones and not let you know.”

The world blurred. “Sirius…” His fingers tightened over Sirius’s as if he could meld their hands into one. “Sirius… I…”

“Shhh.” Sirius laid a finger over his lips. “You don’t have to say it. Don’t say it unless you’re sure you mean it. I said it. That’s enough for me.” He wrapped his arm around Remus’s shoulders, pulling him close. Remus buried his face in the crook of Sirius’s neck, breathing deeply as the whirlpool of emotions began to calm. Finally they pulled apart.

“I’m getting cold,” Sirius said, laughing as he shivered. “Shall we go home?”

“All right.”

Sirius stood up, extending his hand to help Remus. Remus took it, but sat for a moment.

“Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“You do know… I mean, just because I can’t say it yet, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, right?”

Sirius smiled at him, and the smile lit his eyes in a way that made Remus’s breath catch in his throat again. “I kind of thought so,” he said. He pulled hard enough to bring Remus to his feet and overbalance into his arms. His lips closed over Remus’s, and Remus responded eagerly, putting everything into that kiss that he wasn’t able to say.

“Come on,” Sirius said breathlessly as they broke apart. “It’s getting dark.”

Together, they walked home.

Comments

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Heh. Yeah, I'm 30 myself, so I have a bit of cynicism of love at a young age. I'm really not fond of them being hopelessly devoted to each other from 15- there's so much emotional baggage between the two of them! Just with the homosexuality issue alone; I think that in the 70s, that was a hard conclusion to come to. I smoothed Remus's way a LOT because I think he's got enough angst, and I let Sirius be kind of okay with himself about it because he's Sirius, but I don't see either of them being thrilled about the fact they're gay. Accepting, yeah. But happy? Nope. The post-PoA works okay for me, given how young they were when they were seperated. But yeah, I like the not-so-easy to answer in the middle! :)

Thanks :)