Toddler Headbanging

[lls_mutant]

Parenting question:

Toby has very recently started a rather disturbing new... thing. When he's having a tantrum, he deliberately bangs his head on the floor or something else (although I did notice he only pretended on the table). Obviously, this is something we want him to stop immediately.

Anyone else have to deal with this? Is it better to ignore him when he does it or tell him no? We REALLY don't want him hurting himself, and while I suspect he won't, it's still pretty scary to watch.

Thanks!

Comments

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

I never had this particular behavior happen with my kids, but I did find a couple of articles that address it.

http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&ref=1104&action=detail
http://www.babyzone.com/toddler_preschooler_development/whining_tantrums/a1771

Both seem to indicate that it's an attention device, not truly harmful, and that if you don't acknowledge it too much it'll fade. Also that boys do it more than girls, surprise surprise. *g*

I'd be scared too, but the worst I ever had was my oldest would bang his head rhythmically against the back of his chair/pillow/whatever when he was tired. He never hurt himself, though he got a tiny bald spot from all the friction. :P

Good luck!

[aome.livejournal.com]

Ignore him. The more attention you give it, the more he'll do it. If you really are worried about it, move him to somewhere where he can't do any serious damage, like his crib.

[skylark74.livejournal.com]

Both my son & nephew did this. Best thing to do is walk away & ignore him when he throws a tantrum. The minute you give is the minute he knows he can control you. He won't hurt himself too bad. Kids generally stop when they start feeling the pain of the banging.

[dsneyvoice]

It's mainly an attention-getting thing, so it's best to just ignore it if you can. I know it's hard - believe me, I KNOW - it's something we're still working on with my 3 1/2 year old because it's so...well, loud (he doesn't try and hurt himself, fortunately). Calling attention to the behaviour will only encourage it.

[rissabby.livejournal.com]

My son didn't do the this. But, I worked in a daycare center/pre-school for a while. When kids threw tantrums we often came up behind them and hugged them firmly around the chest, while trapping their arms at their sides and manuvering them so they didn't bang around. I think that if the child is sitting, and you sit behind, you might want to just stay there. I got some amazing results when a child was standing- I could grab the same way, pick up him or her, and just waddle us both to the next room. The surprise of suddenly being someplace else can distract from the tantrum. (wish that worked all the time)

I like this way of dealing with tantrums, especially if the child tends to get a bit hysterical. S/he is safe, and the embrace reminds them to feel safe. You get the satisfaction of doing something. You might get kicked, but that's the price of motherhood.

I notice that everyone else said to ignore the behavior. Personally, that tends to drive me into a tantrum, so I like this more active approach.

Philosophically, I adhere to the premise laid out in "The Drama of the Gifted Child". Formerly, but not too long ago, one of our main underlying tasks in childrearing was to create members of society who could fit in and conform to the group. Now, technology has expanded our information and choices so much that our primary goal should be nurturing self-confidence in children. Self-confidence is the background from which we can choose from the myriad of options, those things that best fit our actual selves.

Gee, now that I've written this it sounds sorta maybe too individualistic. The book is Much better. And short too. The early editions are the best by far IMO.

Gah! I've got my first grandchild coming this month so maybe I am obsessing.
Mainly I say Good Luck. And, Love helps a lot.

[krabapple.livejournal.com]

For all the advice I give, you'd think I actually had a child. :)

Most people have said ignore it, and if you're comfortable with that and at home, I say go for it. It's hard for me to take instictively since as a teacher, I can't ignore it in a school/childcare setting. There's just too much liability going on and risk of injury.

So if you want to take a shot at an approach that isn't ignoring it, I second the notion that holding him is the way to go. I know it's hard -- he's strong, and you're pregnant, both things not helpful in the situation. I had a student last year who would bang his head against the wall in carpool, just out of boredom, really. He was calm enough that I could say something like, "Don't do that. It hurts you." I'd place my hand between the surface and the back of his head to cushion the blow. If he did it again and hit my hand, I'd put him in my lap and wrap my arms around his arms and torso.

So I'd second holding him from behind, if you can, and also removing him from the area. I sit children in chairs or our beanbags to give them some structure. You can do the same or put him in his crib or bed.

But, I know from experience how hard it can be to physically restrain a child, so if you feel comfortable ignoring it, I think you should feel free to do so -- I doubt he'll do anything hard enough to really hurt himself.

[bird-mom.livejournal.com]

Maxwell used to do this as well. As a matter of fact, we were calling him "Mad Max" throughout his toddler-hood because his face would go all red right before the head banging started.

Yep, ignore and it too passes. I think he scared himself out of it when he banged his forehead a little too hard on the kitchen floor one day - most of his previous tantrums had been in the living room or bedroom. As out of control as he seemed to be then, he's turned into a very deliberate, methodical boy.