(no subject)

[lls_mutant]

Well, I survived my parents' visit. Actually, I'm very grateful they came, because we're having some trouble getting Trevor to sleep during the night, and my mom helped me a LOT and let me get some sleep. Once Trevor starts sleeping through the night I'll be fine with hubby traveling, but until then it's something to dread.

We had Trevor's 1 month well-check this week. Everything's fine- he's gaining weight well and everything looks healthy. Actually, I ended up spending more of the appointment talking about Toby. The doctor asked how Toby is adjusting, and I said he's doing okay except he's regressing in his eating. This is alarming because there was no room to regress. We had a very long talk about his eating, where I think I finally got the doctor to understand exactly what's going on. He called the Children's Hospital for us, and apparently there is a feeding team there that he can refer us to. I'm calling them today to set up an appointment. I think they also want to do bloodwork for allergies. Both the doctor and I (and hubby) think that there are no food allergies (we've never seen any sort of reaction), but hey- I'm willing to have the work done to discount it.

I called my mom and told her, because after the rants about the Evil Family Practitioner and the struggles last month, I thought they'd want to know. It was frustrating, in a way. Talking about Toby's eating can be so hard, because I feel like a failure as a parent because I can't get my kid to eat. I can get him to sleep, to behave, to come when he's called, to help around the house, to behave in public... but one area and it just completely makes me question my abilities. Food and feeding have GOT to be the most stressful subjects in raising a child who doesn't have other health issues. The world just seems so judgmental if you can't get your kid to eat, and you worry so much about it.

Well, we'll see what this feeding team has to say!

Comments

[inksheddings.livejournal.com]

Good luck with Toby, I think I can commiserate a little bit. It will be okay, though I know it seems so hard right now, especially having Trevor too. I'm glad everyone is healthy, and I hope you'll be able to get more sleep soon.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Yeah, sleep would be gooooood :)

[mysid.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the doctors; I hope they can help.

One of my neighbors had a similar problem when her son was a toddler. He just had no interest in food whatsoever. They finally diagnosed that in his case, he had some sort of "disconnect" between his taste buds and his brain. All food tasted bland and boring to him, so he had no incentive to eat it.

They dealt with it through a combination of finding foods that he liked the texture of (couldn't taste, but he could feel), using more of seasonings that he could sort of taste, and using a feeding tube to supplement his diet.

He's now in middle school. He's still skinny as a stick, but he eats enough that he's grown normally.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

We're really hoping it's just toddler imperialism and can be modified by behavior. He does definitely like sweet things, though :) (Doesn't matter what flavor a cookie is! HEY! I ought to try those breakfast cookies with him!) Crossing my fingers!

[werewolf-lib.livejournal.com]

I hope this new approach of the 'feeding team' (go Team Toby Eating!) can provide help for you. I do hope you know that you aren't a failure as a parent -- a failed parent wouldn't be doing anything or would be trying things that would probably put the kid off of food for life.

My aunt struggled with my youngest cousin and food for some time. He never liked to eat anything when he was little, but he eventually came around. Now he's seventeen and anything edible that isn't nailed down or already on someone else's fork is fair game!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

Yeah, that's what Howard and I keep telling ourselves... "In fifteen years he'll be eating us out of house and home!" And I keep reminding myself it's NOT all parental influence- I am moderately picky, and most of what I don't like my mom never served (eggplant, fish, etc.). My sister lived on mac and cheese and hot dogs- or would have, if she could. And my brother would eat anything that didn't eat him first. (And even then, I'm not sure that would stop him.)

Thanks again :)

[werewolf-lib.livejournal.com]

I would wager there's nothing you've thought would work that you haven't tried -- kids can be stubborn! One way my aunt would try to handle the worst days was try to imagine how she'd turn that incident into an embarrassing story to share with his future dates. ;)

I fully believe that everything will work out before long.

[misscake]

I wanted to say something similar after your last post, but it kept coming out wrong, and that was basically how frustrating it is when you feel like you've failed as a parent. And you really haven't, because he's obviously happy and healthy enough. But yes, the second-guessing is never ending and the pressure to be perfect at this is intense. Just know that no one ever really is, and that you aren't alone in feeling that way.

That said, I'm glad the doctor gave you that referral. If nothing else, it will give you some peace of mind.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks. The pressure really amazes me- I had no idea that would be so pervasive!

I'm hoping it's going to be an "easy fix" compared to what they normally see, meaning that it's mainly behavioral and we can work on it. Even if we could get him to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a fruit or veggie of his choice (and maybe hot dogs or chicken nuggets) it would be a HUGE improvement, just because his diet is so limited right now.

Thanks! :)

[sambethe.livejournal.com]

It is funny, I was thinking about you and Toby today as I was cleaning up some data that came to me from the feeding team where I work. Some of the things the data seemed to be about reminded me of your talking about him. Anyway, good luck with that. I hope it might help for the both of you.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

eh. Sounds like you're doing well with Toby (and I think the world is more judgemental of parents who feed their kids too much crap to make them eat, personally). My brother was an underweight little shrimp and the only way my parents count make him eat was to douse all his food in ketchup and call every kind of meat "lamb".

he got over it, gained a bunch of weight (to the other unhealthy extreme) then finally sorted himself out and now he's a) really fit and b) a really good cook.

So it all works out in the end. You've just got a lot of years to go :P

[junebug59.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about it so much. I had a friend who's son as a toddler would eat NOTHING but peanut butter sandwiches, scrambled eggs and McDonald's hamburgers. And I do mean NOTHING else. He is now 13 and eats almost everything.

[onehundredmoons.livejournal.com]

Hey L- good luck with the feeding team. There is a FANTASTIC book that I cannot recommend enough, called My Child Won't Eat (http://www.amazon.com/MY-CHILD-WONT-EAT-International/dp/0912500999/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1200971407&sr=8-1) by Spanish pediatrician Dr. Carlos Gonzales. It's pubished by LLLI, so it is strongly nursing-friendly, though much of the book deals with issues in the non-nursing child (up to adolescence). I am so passionate about this book that I facilitated a discussion on it last year at the La Leche League Area Conference. So many parents are so stressed out about their children's eating habits... you are so not a failure as a parent!

I for one have a mostly-healthy (save for asthma) but quite petite 4.5 year old who won't touch fresh fruit or veg with a ten-foot pole (though still quite enjoys pureed pears or squash in a jar. I have gotten over caring if people are wondering why these items are in my cart when I obviously *don't* have an infant!). Tilapia is her favorite food for dinner, but ask her to try a strawberry? Fuggetaboutit. *gives up*

Anyway, I'm happy to hear that Trevor's doing so well! I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I'm expecting #2 in the spring... a boy. :)