AIL14 Part 2

[lls_mutant]

Ripspot didn't have much that needed done today, and there was nowhere to go. There was, however, a flat that was a mess outside the kitchen and a partner that was deserved some groveling. Remus decided to go home and clean, because there was nothing else he could think to do.

He supposed he wasn't surprised to get a visitor that afternoon. He was rather surprised at the identity. Moody came in through the Floo and sat down before Remus could say a word. "I want to talk to you. Sit down," he ordered.

There were people in this world you just didn't disobey, and Moody was one of them. Remus sat.

"I talked to your father today."

"Oh." And with those six words, Remus was shot from being a twenty-one-year-old man to a six-year-old child in trouble again. He squirmed in his seat. "He told you."

"He told me what?" Moody growled. "About Greyback? I've known that. Known it since you were bitten."

"I don't believe that."

"Sure you do. I was with your father when he offended Greyback. Know what he did?" Moody didn't wait for an answer. "Tried to bring Greyback in for using Imperius. Well, trying to use Imperius. Greyback's never been that good with a wand. Just tried to do what an Auror does. Made himself an enemy, then you got bitten because Greyback got someone else to do the Imperius curse to get your father to let you outside, and then the Aurors kicked him out for what amounts to doing his job. Never been very fair, the Ministry."

"No," Remus said, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Look. I'm not here to play games with you, Lupin. I'm here to tell you that we're in the middle of a war, boy, and you're not going to be treating your father like this."

"Since when did you become a family psychologist?"

"Don't give me that crap. I've known your father for longer than you've been alive. Sure, he's a bastard. But he's a bastard that's always done right by you. Took a lot of grief for your sake."

"I know," Remus muttered. "His family disowned him because of me. I got chased into the woods and he had a heart attack because of me. He moved around a lot because of me. He was demoted because of me. He had to deal with a lot of wizards not speaking to him because of me. He was an outcast because of me. I get it, okay? His life was ruined because of me."

"You idiot," Moody hissed, moving in closer. "You've been in Greyback's camp. Yeah, I know. Dumbledore told me. You've seen it. Haven't you figured it out yet?"

"Figured out what?"

"Those kids. All those kids that Greyback bites. He bites them on purpose-"

"Yes. What-"

"And the parents give them to him. Sure, sometimes he has to steal them, but usually the parents give them up. They let Greyback take them. They let them be raised as werewolves, because they don't want them anymore. And you? Not only did your parents keep you, but they cast their lot in with yours."

Remus managed to get his lips to move. "What do you mean?" he whispered.

Moody pressed a crumpled piece of paper into Remus's hand. Automatically, Remus smoothed it out. It was a birth certificate, for a John Lestrange, born the same date as one Remus Lupin.

***

Sirius knew enough about the Werewolf Registry from Remus to know to avoid Macnair. Fortunately, Andrew Diggory was in his office, and was more than willing to help out an Auror investigating the case of Fenrir Greyback.

"He's a tough one," Diggory admitted, digging through his files and surfacing with a particularly thick folder. "We've had werewolves that are wizards before, of course. Many are. But most comply with our rules, or at least make a show of it. And most aren't trying to use Unforgivable Curses at the same time. I'm glad they're finally listening to us and putting an Auror on the case."

"Sounds like a real fun one." There were a lot of reports on top of everything, from missing Registry appointments to accusations of Death Eater-like activity, although it was noted that Greyback was most certainly not a Death Eater. Not that that surprised Sirius, although he looked like he was nasty enough to be one. "I take it he's been a problem."

"Understatement. Greyback takes a special delight in actually making people into werewolves."

Sirius's brow furrowed. "He didn't bite an Alphard Black, did he?"

An unreadable expression crossed Diggory's face. "No. That was a werewolf in Korea, of all places, when your uncle was on business."

Sirius looked up at the familiar tone. "Did you know him?"

"Alphard? Quite well, although our… acquaintance… had ended long before he was bitten."

Sirius blinked and then began to laugh. "You were lovers!" he said, and it was confirmed when Diggory actually blushed. "He never told me that!"

"Why should he?"

"Well, he could have… never mind. That's neither here nor there, is it?" Sirius chuckled again. "That sly old dog. Wish I'd known."

Diggory relaxed. "I see. I take it you knew he was a werewolf, though."

"Well, yes. He told me a long time ago. One of my… well, my partner," Sirius said, with a blush that outdid Diggory's own, "he's a werewolf as well. Remus Lupin." Diggory's face froze. "What?"

"Are you sure you want to be looking at that file?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Then the pieces fell together. "You said he delights in turning people. He turned Remus."

"I believe so." Diggory flipped to the back, where there was a form with a long list of names. And near the top of the list, next to a date in 1964, there was a faded entry. "Remus Lupin, nee John Lestrange."

***

Remus stared numbly at the copy of the birth certificate. "I don't get it."

Moody huffed an impatient sigh. "Are you always this dumb, boy? Werewolves are required to change their names, for easier identification."

"Yes, but my father told me that ruling wasn't passed until 1975."

"Your father lied. And because you seem barely capable of not drooling on yourself today, your father and your mother changed their names, too. They voluntarily branded themselves, so it wouldn't be so obvious what you were."

"Why don't I remember this?"

"Memory charm. You've had a couple on you in your time."

"But I remember being bitten," Remus argued. "I remember a lot of things."

"Of course you do. But your father didn't want you to remember you had another name, because you'd tell people and then it would be obvious. Remus Lupin can sound like your parents had a sick sense of humor and bad taste in nomenclature. A little kid telling them that his name used to be John Lestrange shouts 'werewolf.'" Moody took the certificate back.

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because your father's always been a good man, and he's taken enough for what he's been through. He shouldn't be getting it from you, too."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Remus demanded. "Grovel at his feet for forgiveness?"

"You figure it out," Moody said, adjusting his cloak and heading for the fireplace. "You'll do what you want, anyway." And with that he was gone.

***

Sirius felt like he was trying to work a particularly complicated Arithmancy problem as he left the Werewolf Registry. Diggory had given him all of the pieces, but he couldn't quite make them fit. Parts were very clear, and he could almost see how everything linked together, but he was missing one or two pieces of crucial information. Lost in thought, he left the Ministry and found his bike, and then flew to James's place.

Lily answered the door, and when she saw him, Sirius realized her smile was forced. "Hi, Lily," he said. "Is James home?"

"As long as you're not here to yell at me, too," Lily said, and stomped off. From inside, Sirius could hear Harry crying and the muffled, tense sound of voices. Finally, James came to the door.

"Come on in, Padfoot," he said, looking tired and drawn.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, alarmed.

"You don't know?" James led him into the sitting room. He shoveled a pile of laundry into a corner and kicked at a blanket spread on the floor, and swept a few books off the couch so Sirius could sit. "Remus didn't tell you?"

"I know he was at his father's yesterday," Sirius said. "Apparently he had some falling out with him."

"Yeah. He came over here afterwards."

"Really?"

James nodded, pushing his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose. "Yeah. He and Lily apparently had a fight. Lily told me a bit of it."

"What did she say?"

"Just that I guess that Fenrir Greyback character told Remus that he bit him deliberately, and even told him he remembered how he tasted."

"Ugh." But that explained a lot.

James shook his head. "Remus was really upset, from what I gather. Lily said he was taking it out on her."

"She okay?"

"She will be, especially if he apologizes." There was something of a threat in James's voice, which Sirius could understand. But at the same time, there was something more.

"What is it?"

"Sirius, we should talk to Dumbledore about this."

"Dumbledore?"

"This isn't fair to Remus."

Sirius sighed. "I can't say I don't agree with you, Prongs, but what about any of this is fair? How is it fair that you and Lily are living in fear for your lives? How is it fair Voldemort wants to kill people with Muggle blood? How is it fair that people are being forced into doing things they would never do otherwise, just because some Death Eater decides the laws don't apply to him and he uses Imperius? It's not fair for any of us."

"Yes, but all those things you mentioned are because of the other side. But Dumbledore is the one making Remus spy on the werewolves. And you can't tell me Dumbledore doesn't know who bit Remus. He had to have known this was going to happen. It doesn't take any weird Divination skills- just common sense."

"But Dumbledore isn't forcing Remus," Sirius said. "It's the Death Eaters. If Remus just drifts away, or somehow quits, they'll kill him. Voldemort doesn't let people walk out of his service. Remember what happened to Regulus?"

"But if Dumbledore wanted to, he could help Remus."

"No, he couldn't. Look, Prongs. I hate this is happening. You know I do. You know how much I love him. And if I could change it, I would. But he's trapped in this and he can't get out, not until we get rid of Voldemort. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and I'll do anything he wants to help him through it, but even Dumbledore can't make this go away." Sirius picked up a plush toy and turned it over in his hands. "I'm only saying this because I've thought the same thing a lot of times, but I can't come up with any way out."

"I guess," James agreed, but he didn't look convinced.

"So he upset Lily?" Sirius asked.

James nodded. "I'm surprised Remus didn't mention it."

"I'm not. I'll talk to him though."

"Thanks. I'd appreciate it. I mean, I know this is hard for him, but…."

"That doesn't give him the right," Sirius finished.

James massaged his temples with his hands. "No," he said, a lot slower than Sirius would have ever expected. "It doesn't."

***

A week passed, with agonizing slowness. Remus felt like his stomach was constantly twisting and sick whenever he thought of what had happened. And worse, when he thought of how he reacted.

He had apologized to Lily. It wasn't easy, of course, especially since he could see how he was so in the wrong. But if he didn't do it, he'd lose Lily's friendship, and then James and then Peter and then Sirius, and that was the last thing on Earth that Remus wanted. He didn't know what he'd do without them. Lily had accepted stiffly, but James had reassured him that she'd come around.

His father was a different story. Remus put off going to see him, and his father did not try to contact him, either. It was that fact that made Remus nervous and made him feel sick whenever he thought of his father. Had he botched things up so badly that his own father wanted nothing to do with him anymore?

He could ask Sirius, but he was afraid to. The whole subject stood between them, and they were all right if they avoided it, but Remus didn't really want to know what would happen if he confronted it. James had told him that Sirius found out about Greyback, but Remus still couldn't bring it up. And Sirius didn't volunteer anything.

Finally, Remus knew he had to do something. He couldn't write, because that would involve waiting. He couldn't go to his father's house, because his father might refuse to admit him. So he swallowed his pride and did one of the things he'd never wanted to do.

"Sirius?" he said cautiously over dinner one night.

"Mmm?" Sirius looked up from his spaghetti.

"Could I… could I borrow a few Galleons?"

"Sure," Sirius agreed, digging in his pocket. "What for?"

"I want to take my father out to lunch and talk to him. But Ripspot won't pay me until the end of next week, and I don't have enough to take us anywhere."

Sirius's face lit up as he handed over the money. "Sure thing, Moony. Here." He pressed the coins into Remus's hand, holding on far longer than he needed to.

"You think he'll see me?" Remus whispered.

"I think you're an idiot for even asking." Sirius twirled his fork on his plate. "Come on. Let's finish dinner and then I can kick your arse at Scrabble." He smiled, and Remus managed to smile back. It was like something awkward and rusty had broken free and was able to move again.

It was the memory of that conversation that gave him the courage to take the lift to the second floor and find his father's cubicle. His father was away from his desk, but Remus sat down anyway. He was vastly reassured to see his own picture still in its frame in the back corner.

"Lupin!" Remus jumped, and turned to see Gideon Prewett. "What are you doing here?" Gideon demanded.

It finally dawned on Remus that he might not be welcome to waltz in and sit down at an Auror's desk, and for good reason. He flushed, feeling like a first year caught by McGonagall again. "I came to see my father."

Gideon blinked. "That's right," he said. "I mean, I know you have the same last name and all, but I sometimes forget that you're Lupin's kid. He's in a meeting with Doge and Moody and Crouch. He should be out soon."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Say, are you going to be seeing your friend Pettigrew any time soon?"

"Tonight, I think. Why?"

Gideon held out a letter. "I was going to send him this by owl, but it's of a rather confidential nature, if you know what I mean, and I'm starting to even worry about owl mail. Can you give this to him?"

Remus shrugged and took the letter. "Sure. Everything all right?"

"As well as it can be these days." Gideon shrugged. "He's just been helping me with a project."

"Ah." Remus picked up a quill off his father's desk. He felt like the polite, normal thing to do would be to ask after Gideon's brother, but he just couldn't manage it without snarling. An awkward silence descended between them, and Remus wondered why Gideon didn't just go away. Of course, the answer was obvious. Relative or no, no outsider- and certainly no werewolf- should be allowed to be at an Auror's desk unaccompanied.

"So. Are you and Pettigrew going out anyplace?" Gideon asked, finally.

Remus seized on the new topic eagerly. "No. Just going over to the Potters. James can't get out like he used to since the baby came and, besides, there really isn't anyplace that's safe to go to anymore."

"Well, there are places," Gideon pointed out. "You're taking your father out."

"In full daylight," Remus reminded him. "And this is different."

Fortunately, before Gideon could ask how so, they heard Moody and Damien approaching, talking in low voices. Remus hadn't imagined there would be a situation where he'd be relieved to see his father, but was surprised to find there indeed was one. Gideon waited until they rounded the corner and then excused himself.

Remus rose as the two men approached. Damien had raised his eyebrows slightly, but that was the only real acknowledgement either of them gave until they were at the desk.

"Remus," Damien said. Moody didn't say anything; he just stood there like a constantly vigilant guard dog.

"Dad." Remus's mouth suddenly went very dry. "I was in the- well, no. I wasn't anywhere near here. But I wondered if you might- if you're not doing anything, that is- but I'd like it if maybe you'd want to go to lunch? My treat?"

Moody nodded briefly and stepped away. "Just remembered I need to talk to Shacklebolt before lunch," he said, touching Damien's arm. "See you at the two o'clock." He walked away.

Remus held his breath.

Damien didn't smile, but the corners of his eyes crinkled just a little. "I think I have time for lunch," he said. "Let's go."

***

They went to a Muggle café. It was a little run down, and the most exotic fare it served were sausages, which might be vaguely considered German. They sat in rather awkward silence until the laconic waiter took their orders, and then Remus felt like he had to say something, or this whole thing would be a waste.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, playing with the slightly greasy fork the waiter had left. "For the other day, I mean. I was out of line." His father nodded, and Remus waited for him to say something. He should say something like, I understand or I'm sorry you found out about it that way. But his father said nothing, he only looked at the table. Remus couldn't even see how he was responding to the apology. "I should have known better," Remus said lamely. "That it wasn't your fault, I mean."

His father leaned his chin on his hand. "If you ever have kids, Remus, you'll learn that everything feels like your fault. You didn't need to say it. I've thought it for years."

"I'll take your word for it," Remus said, wisely biting down on his impulse to remind his father that children were very unlikely and, actually, not something he wanted. "But Moody told me what happened." His father opened his mouth, and Remus rushed on. "I know I should have asked instead of just assuming."

"Moody visited you?"

"Yes." Remus suddenly felt guilty that it had taken the interference of someone who normally couldn't be bothered with personal dramas to bring him to his senses.

Damien snorted, but didn't delve into it. "How much did he tell you?"

"That your last name was Lestrange. He didn't tell me so much as spell it out what that meant."

"And yours was, too."

"Yes." Remus wondered if he should ask why his parents changed their names, too, but the truth was he knew the answer already. He vaguely knew his grandparents had not been happy with his father's marriage, but had not disowned him until the bite, but had deliberately never thought about it. He'd known- he'd always known, on some level- the sacrifice his parents had made. He just never put words to how deeply it had gone.

"We let you choose Remus, you know. The Registry had a list of approved names."

"And I chose Remus?"

"It was better than a lot of them." His father gave him a crooked smile.

At that moment, the waiter put their food down in front of them. Remus didn't really feel like eating it- not in the middle of this conversation- but he picked up his fork up anyway. "I guess what I really want to know is, why did you keep it all secret?"

"All what secret?"

"The name. What happened. Who bit me. All that."

"We didn't." His father speared a bite.

"You did. Moody mentioned Memory Charms."

"A few, especially about the name," his father admitted. "But there's a difference between keeping a secret and simply not talking about something. We wanted you to ask about what happened, not force it on you."

Remus tried to picture asking his stern, taciturn father about that sort of thing, or his Muggle mother, and came up blank. "Oh," was as much as he could think to say. In some ways, it felt like there was nothing more to say. It all made so much sense.

The conversation lurched forward at first, with awkward attempts at casualness and acting like nothing was wrong – attempts that softened into the real thing. Remus felt himself relaxing as they talked about their jobs and the current political situation and his father's travel. His father relaxed, too, and by the end of the lunch, it seemed normal enough. And when they left, his father hugged him and went back to work with a smile.

Remus easily could have Apparated back to Ripspot's garden. In fact, there was no way he could walk the whole way. But he found himself walking, lost in thought, remembering a childhood that alternately seemed complicated and idyllic. He was more confused than he could ever remember being.

What was frustrating was there were no conclusions to be reached. By the time he heard the church bells chiming two o'clock and realized he should be back at work, his mind was even more of a muddle than it had been this morning. He cursed, Apparated back to the goblin's house, and attacked the earth with a shovel and a ferocity that he hoped would wear him out and save him from having to think about it tonight.

***

"So," Sirius said, pouring a glass of wine for them each that night, "all's well that ends well, right?"

Remus smiled back. "Almost," he admitted.

Sirius sat down on the couch next to him. "What's left? Your dad is back to normal, you made right with Lily and she'll come around, and the full moon isn't for over two weeks yet."

"Nothing's over."

"I know that," Sirius scoffed. "But this. This is over."

It would never be over, Remus realized. It would always be there, always lurking and always in his mind. But that wasn't something you could tell Sirius Black, who was convinced he'd walked away from his family without a second glance. But there was still one thing.

"Next time," he said slowly, twirling the wine glass stem between his fingers. "Next time, you and James can't come."

"What?"

"You were seen. I know you know it. James hasn't shut up about Stefan seeing him."

Sirius scowled. "So? No one knows it's us, Moony."

"But someone might figure it out. It was odd enough that some people were talking about it. They remembered you, Sirius. You and James."

Sirius's scowl deepened. "So what are we supposed to do? Just leave you alone out there?"

"Let Peter come with me. A rat's small enough that no one will notice. You and James are just too large."

"James is a stag," Sirius pointed out. "Who's going to notice another deer in the woods?"

"But if someone figures it out," Remus said slowly, because he really didn't want to say this at all, "you know what it could mean."

"We've been avoiding certain death for quite some time now," Sirius said archly.

"But James has responsibilities. I know he's willing to risk his life to fight Voldemort," Remus rushed on before Sirius could interrupt, "but that's different. That's almost unavoidable. But what you do for me… it's not a lot of lives hanging in the balance, Sirius."

"Only yours."

"Peter will be there," Remus pleaded, and silently begged Sirius to drop it. One more argument and he'd give in, because he didn't want to be asking this any more than Sirius wanted to be granting it.

Sirius sighed. "All right," he said, and although it was what was best, Remus felt the world fall out from under him.

"It's only until this is all over," Remus said lamely. "And I'll have Peter."

"Right," Sirius said. He moved closer and draped his arm around Remus's shoulders. "And we'll be here afterwards."

Remus sipped his wine and pasted a smile on his face. They were sitting close together, in a warm and cozy room. So why did he feel like Sirius was so far away? And why was he being asked to give so much to a world that wanted nothing to do with him?

Somehow, Remus didn't think there were answers.

Comments

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Oh god the scene with Remus finding out was so powerful. And Fenrir creeped me out so much, talking so normally and casually about liking to feed on little kids DX;;

I LOVE THE NAME CHANGE. It's so deliciously ironic for Remus to be a Lestrange, and god, srsly, the werewolves' names are ridiculous.

I'm so happy that you updated, afskjfjkakld I missed this fic so much. It always makes me squee when I see there's a new chapter X3

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I had a lot of fun with the whole Fenrir monologue, even if I can't nail down his accent.

Glad you liked the name change! I actually wrote it for last year's remix here (http://community.livejournal.com/remix_redux/83616.html#cutid1). It's from the worker's POV, but it was fun :) And yeah, Remus Lupin was bad enough, but Fenrir Greyback, too? Come on, JKR!

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

I was so happy to see an update for this. :) I've been reccing this story all over the place since I first found it, and I love the way you deal with the whole werewolf issue.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and thanks for the recs! I have WAY too much fun with the werewolf issue. Being mean is a joy somedays :)

[hikari-datenshi.livejournal.com]

Omigosh, UPDATE! I nearly died of excitement when I saw it on my f-list, and promptly went and gibbered at my housemates, who looked at me all confused-like, heh.

Fenrir is one hell of a creepy guy! And I always feel so... frustrated when Remus and Sirius don't talk about things, but I think it's MORE frustrating cos that's what actually happens! It's so realistic. :D

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Fenrir does creep me out. I sort of wish we saw more of him in canon, just because he's so much creepier to me than Voldemort, who's a little too Evil Overlord for my taste.

Glad you enjoyed it!

[brighty18.livejournal.com]

Oh, this just gets better and better. I love the fact that your plot and your characters are so complex. Far more complex, in fact, that Rowling's view.

Everyone is so very sympathetic, too. Damn, but I feel sorry for everyone.

And this was so telling about poor Remus: The bitterness in his voice when he spoke of the years post-Hogwarts was not entirely faked, and he hated himself for that, just a little.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I have a lot of fun torturing characters :)

Everyone is so very sympathetic, too. Damn, but I feel sorry for everyone. This is actually exactly what I'm going for. So often that's how it works out.

[sleeper6.livejournal.com]

Jeez, this was definitely worth waiting for. My heart ached for Remus--how horrible to have to learn so much that he didn't know from a man (a monster) who started it all. I liked the Remus/Lily confrontation although I have to admit I thought Lily was too harsh (she might have to talk about her own shame, too, it seems). Anyway, I do like angry!Remus butting heads with everyone; he is human too and needed to lash out (quite different from the Remus we see in all books pre-DH), which makes his pain and fears all the more realistic. Oh, and any scene with Damien and Sirius, I have to say, is so interesting (the "Yes, sir" thing was a nice bit). Great update and thank you for not quitting on us!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Lily's whole plotline is going to come full circle- I don't think in the next part but the part after. I did it for a reason... a very nefarious reason!

I've always thought Remus developed his restraint, especially post 1981 when he lost everything pretty much. I have to admit I'm kind of ignoring HBP and DH as much as I can, because I'm too lazy (and too time limited!) to reread them.

Thanks again!

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

Oohh, totally gripping and interesting. Remus is a Lestrange?!? The emotions here were so intense.

fantastic line:
although it was what was best, Remus felt the world fall out from under him.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I actually wrote the whole name change in a Remix story. I'll have to dig up the link.

Glad you enjoyed it!

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I love the series. I would also love to read the remix story.

[aura218.livejournal.com]

Hah! "get it done." PR.

Am enjoying The New AIL as a war story moreso than a drama or love story. It's good writing, whatever it is.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think I'm enjoying writing it more as a war story, to be honest! Glad you liked it!

[crownroyal-51.livejournal.com]

This was simply amazing! I loved how you dealt with the werewolf things. Greyback's explanation was sinister and chilling...just what you'd expect from him.

I can't wait to see how the rest of the story will unfold.

[sundappled.livejournal.com]

Ah, I've been away from your characters for so long and I still adore them just as much! The Fenrir-Remus scene was excellent - I found your characterisation of Greyback interesting, I completely understand why you found him such a hard character to write: a situation in which you had to have him explaining his motivations and talking (vaguely!) normally rather than just acting like a werewolf psycho would have been hard no matter what, but it worked! I like the 'Lestrange' feature and have to wonder whether this will be making another appearance...?
Another excellent chapter :)

[jackielupin.livejournal.com]

Oh, Remus. Your story is amazing, but it makes me break just a little. :)

[misscake]

Oh, there are so many things to possibly say here but I keep coming back to, "Oh, Remus!" What a gut-wrenching chapter; I can see why it took a while to write. And I think you got Fenrir's voice just right.

[baba-o-reily.livejournal.com]

Is there more? I've been following this story, so it would be really fantastic if the answer was yes! :)

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

Oh my god Fenrir is so... I don't know. He's like... extra creepy for how completely normal he sounded talking about turning Remus.

I enjoy your explanation for the painfully obvious werewolf names. I love that Remus's parents threw in their lot with him. It also adds a healthy dose of creepy that's he's a Lestrange.

His conversation with Lily was such a trainwreck. I winced when I realized where it was going, and didn't fault Lily's reaction at all.

And god, they only have a year left. :( (Of course, in my mind it goes, 'And then Peter decided to be AWESOME and stood up to Voldy and they totes had his back and they kicked his ass and they lived happily ever after THE END.' ... ok not really, I'm too much of a canon whore. *sigh*)

And this is the part where I stare at you demanding answers. If you can't be pestered (and prodded and pleaded and ployed) into finishing, I must absolutely find out where you were going. What is the nefarious reason for Lily's rape? What makes Sirius vaguely suspect Remus? Why doesn't Damien give Sirius the benefit of a trial? What, in this verse, is the thing that pushes Peter into betraying his best friends? Inquiring minds must know!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I really, really, really wish I could finish this. I still want to, but with BSG in my head... and I feel like if I ever got back into writing something else, it should be original. But who knows? You've got me rereading this again, and maybe....

But here's what I was definitely going to do:

1.) Why Lily was raped. The big plot point to this was James was eventually going to find out that Remus knew about it, and has known about it from the beginning. And while intellectually, James can understand that Remus didn't tell him because that's what Lily wanted, emotionally he feels incredibly betrayed. Remus couldn't protect Lily. And then he let Lily go through all the aftermath alone before she told James. And Remus is like James's brother. James is the one that became an animagus for Remus, not Lily. He's hurt. And Remus feels guilty himself, because he knows he's never known how to handle what happened to Lily. (To be fair to Remus, there never was a right answer.) But James's anger and Remus's guilt put a wall between them. What else aren't you telling me?

And naturally, James confides in Sirius.

Which leads to:

2.) Why does Sirius suspect Remus? A ton of reasons. Remus is secretive. Remus is working as a spy. Remus has been being treated like shit by the wizarding world, and Sirius sees it first hand. Remus HAS been lying to them about things. And Remus is in that werewolf camp a lot.

Sirius doesn't ever believe that Remus is a full-fledged Death Eater. He can't. But it was going to get narrowed down to where it HAD to be Peter or Remus telling the Death Eaters. Sirius can't bear to believe it about either one of them. What Sirius does think is that Remus is around the Death Eaters a lot, and they could easily be casting spells/forcing him in some magical way that Remus can't even remember to give up information. (For the record, he would think the same about Peter.)

I honestly think one of the reasons I couldn't bring myself to finish it was it was getting even darker than BSG. I mean, there is just NO hope left, and we all know how it ends. But there was never one big reason that pushed Sirius into believing it was Remus- it was simply the most logical conclusion, and he didn't believe that Remus was necessarily doing it voluntarily. That's why he tried the Secret Keeper trick. Why else wouldn't Sirius Black actually come out and say what he was thinking, right? It's because he wasn't sure, and he thought this way, if Remus wasn't the spy or if they could prove he wasn't doing it voluntarily, there was no harm done.

AND given that Peter knew he was the spy, he kept doing his best to cast suspicion on Remus.

Remus, however, suspected Peter. But he couldn't say anything because he didn't want to believe it either, he knew that the others were all looking at him, and he needed proof before he could make that claim. And he didn't want to find proof.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

3.) Damien played into this perfectly. One thing I could never understand about canon is why everyone was okay with Sirius not getting a trial. It just doesn't make sense. But it makes a lot more sense with Damien involved. Damien is SUCH a passionate person, and he goes to extremes. When he loves someone, he will defend them with his life, but when someone betrays him... watch out.

All the evidence- however shaky it was- pointed to Sirius. And Damien believed it, especially if Sirius was in his "I DID kill them- I handed them to Peter!" guilt phase. And Damien's characterization- righteous, vengeful, and fiercely, horribly protective of Remus (whom he thought Sirius was going to kill- after all, Sirius had killed Lily, James, and Peter) - means that it would be perfectly in character for Damien to insist that Sirius is guilty.

Once Damien believes it- and everyone knows that Damien loved Sirius like a second son and that he would have found evidence if he believed otherwise- everyone else just topples. There's no noble reason for what happens, everyone just wants to believe it. And Damien is so hurt, he has to get Sirius out of his sight and locked up as soon as possible.

4.) Peter was just scared for his own life by the end, I think. I'm not sure I ever knew the answer to the last one.

Thanks so much for reading all this and commenting! I know that it's frustrating that I never finished it- it drives me crazy as well. I almost feel like I should reread the whole damn thing and finish, and not post any parts until I'm done. ::whimpers:: But thanks!