The Line In the Sand (2/2)

[lls_mutant]

***

The sun was coming up when Sirius arrived home in his flat.

He hadn't told Remus, of course. There weren't many revelations that could shake him, but that was one of the exceptions. He hadn't even known how to react at first, because it was something he'd tried not to think of for years.

And he could have prevented it.

To his surprise, James was awake when he arrived in the fireplace, waiting impatiently. "It's Dumbledore," James said without preamble. "We need to go."

***

When they arrived in Dumbledore's office, Peter and Remus were already there. James wasn't surprised to see them, but this was the first time in a long time he'd seen them with clear eyes.

Remus was far too thin, he could see that now. His bones were threatening to poke through his skin, his clothing hung far too loosely on him. His eyes were rimmed red, like he'd been crying. Sirius took the seat next to him. He didn't look at Remus, but Remus stared at him for a moment like it was the most amazing gesture Sirius could have made.

Peter was pacing, rubbing at his forearm. He was wearing Death Eater robes, a sight which chilled James's heart. He kept glancing back at Dumbledore, who was sitting at his desk consulting several maps and pages of notes. Dumbledore looked up and nodded a greeting at James.

"The situation is dire," Dumbledore told them, without any other preamble. "Extremely dire. We have learned things that make immediate action essential."

"Aye, aye, sir," James said, copying a Muggle salute that Lily had told him about.

Dumbledore ignored him. "I am terribly sorry to have to tell you that Voldemort found the Longbottoms last night, and murdered them." The four of them stared at each other in shock. After a moment, Dumbledore continued, "I am not sure how he managed to find them, which only alarms me even more."

"Lily…" James whispered.

"Severus assures me that Lily and Harry are safe, James," Dumbledore said. "But he is afraid that Voldemort will soon realize his true loyalties. In order to keep them safe, we must act quickly."

James nodded.

"Peter," Dumbledore said, gesturing at Peter, who started, "has been able to glean a few tidbits from Voldemort. They may seem insignificant, but I do not believe they are. Of particular interest was that Voldemort has hidden something in a cave. Something of great importance to him."

"You want us to get it," Sirius said.

"Exactly."

"Why us?" Peter asked. "Not that I'm protesting, but none of the four of us have been doing that well recently. Surely you have people better suited?"

Dumbledore looked at each of them in turn, a penetrating blue gaze that went right through you and to the core of your soul, where there were no secrets. "I do have people who are better suited," he said. "But I've always been a believer in second chances."

***

"It's like that puzzle," Remus said, his teeth chattering as he shivered. "You have two nifflers and a dragon, and only one boat. How do you them across without the dragon flambéing the nifflers?"

"Just one of us could go across," James suggested, healing his hand with his wand. It stung. "Sirius, you get to do the blood sacrifice on the way back."

Sirius blanched, and Peter immediately intervened. "I'll do it. It's too bad we can't fly."

"Why don't we just enlarge the boat?"

"Good idea, but it's not happening."

Peter suddenly smacked his forehead. "Well, I can get rid of one of us," he said, and transformed into a rat.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Sirius demanded. A black dog wagged his tail and then jumped into the boat.

Remus and James looked at each other. "I don't think a stag is going to fit in the boat so well," James said.

"But it's a good idea. One of us could Transfigure the other."

"Want to flip for it?"

"No. Why don't you Transfigure me?" Remus smiled wistfully. "It would be nice to be an animal voluntarily, just once."

"Okay. But here's hoping you don't become an elephant."

James lifted his wand and closed his eyes. Remus disappeared, and then there was an indignant quack.

"Sorry," James said apologetically. "It was the first thing I could think of."

Remus ruffled his tail feathers, stuck his beak into the air, and marched into the boat with as much dignity as he could manage. James clambered in after him, and then clumsily cast them off.

The boat floated towards the little island in the center with no real guidance. The cavern was eerily quiet; Sirius's panting echoed. When they looked down into the murky water, they could see the outlines of faces staring back up at them. They were all relieved when they disembarked safely on the other side and human again, wands gripped tightly.

The fountain glowed with a sickly green light. "I don't like it," Sirius said.

"None of us do." Remus shivered and pulled his robe tighter around himself. "But what choice do we have?"

Peter conjured a cup and dipped it into the liquid. He poured it on the ground, but the level in the basin rose back to where it had been. "I didn't think it could be that easy," he sighed. "Given the rather ghoulish nature of everything else, I suspect we have to drink it."

"Ick," James said. The other three looked at him. "What?"

Peter shook his head. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not good. Should we draw straws?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "I could do it," he offered. "It… it wouldn't make much difference. Not in the long run."

Remus regarded him for a long time, and then shook his head. "I think that Dumbledore sent all four of us for a reason. Let's all do it." He conjured up three more cups. James and Sirius both took one, and they all filled them. The liquid in the basin was considerably lower.

"Well," Peter said, holding up his glass, "here's to fucking up."

"I'll drink to that," Sirius agreed mirthlessly, clinking his glass against Peter's.

Remus and James clinked their glasses in as well, and they all drank.

"Ugh," Remus said. "It's disgusting."

"Come on. Another glass, lads," James prompted. They all filled and drank again. This time the potion was even bitterer, like rancid slime sliding down their throats. And the waking nightmares began to take shape.

It was Sirius who reacted first, his knees giving out as he slumped to the ground. "I don't want to die," he whispered. "Not yet. Not like this."

Remus was turned away, gagging, trying not to bring up the potion he'd just swallowed. "I can still taste him," he managed through the coughing. "I never… I didn't want to…."

James and Peter looked at each other, their eyes meeting over the basin. James was shaking violently, covered in a cold sweat, and Peter had tears streaking down his face. "We can't ask them," Peter said. "We can't. There's not much left, and we can do it."

James held out his cup. "She'll kill me, but I have to do it again."

They downed the last two cups, and Peter spotted the locket gleaming at the bottom. "This has got to be it," he said, and grabbed it. "You take care of Sirius. I'll get Remus." James nodded acknowledgement and lurched over to help Sirius.

Peter dropped his cup and put a hand on Remus's back. "Breathe," he counseled. "Come on. You can do this."

"Why aren’t you sick?" Remus gasped, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. "Isn't it affecting you?"

"It is," Peter said. "It's like… it's like being around a Dementor. I keep seeing my worst memories in my head. I don't even want to move. But we have to, or it's all for nothing."

Remus nodded, and they both looked over to where James was helping Sirius to his feet. "We'd better go," he said, and they were both aware that they were deliberately not talking about what they were seeing. "Can you do the Transfiguration this time?"

Peter swallowed, wiping at his face again with his hand. "You trust me to do it?"

"Yeah." Remus closed his eyes. "Just something more dignified than a duck, okay?"

***

It was easier as an animal. The emotions were simpler, the mind was not as sharp. James piloted the boat to safety and did the blood sacrifice, and then they Apparated away. But for a while, a rat rode on a dog's furry back, and a wren clung to a stag's antlers.

They made their way slowly, exhausted by physical effort as well as emotional scars. They couldn't talk in this form, and they were all grateful. But there was a warmth at the back of the dog's neck, and an involuntary song soothed the stag's spirit.

***

"Well?" Sirius demanded, when Dumbledore took the locket. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't seem like the sort of thing that Voldemort would care to have. And it does not seem to be enchanted in any way." Dumbledore turned it over in his hand, and the gold caught the light. He popped the catch, and the locket opened to reveal a tightly-folded piece of paper. He read it, his face convulsed, and he spread it out on the desk for the others to see.

"To the Dark Lord,

I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more.

R. A. B."

The audible thud was Sirius collapsing into a chair.

Remus's brows knit together. "What's a Horcrux? I've heard the term once, but never found any description."

"It's a piece of a soul, put into an artifact." James picked up the locket. "Bathilda Bagshot told me once."

"In essence. It's a product of very Dark magic, and the subject is banned at Hogwarts with very good reason," Dumbledore said, pushing his glasses up his nose and studying the paper once again. "It should not surprise me that Voldemort would make use of them, but it still does." He smoothed the note under his fingers. "What intrigues me more is the author of this note. I suspect if we find him, we will find many more answers."

"But the note says he's dead," Remus pointed out. "How are we going to find him?"

"We won't find him," Sirius said, and everyone turned to face him. Sirius looked up. "We can't find him, but we can search for anything he might have left."

"You know who R.A.B. is, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked.

Sirius scowled. "Of course. It's Regulus."

***

"I never wanted to come back here," Sirius said, as they stood in front of the house that had appeared from nowhere. "But if Regulus had the guts to do what he did…" he trailed off, shaking his head in admiration.

"So we're really just going to waltz through the front door?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Can't see why not. My father has been in St. Mungo's for a few months, from what I've heard. I bribed a nurse enough for her to tell me when my mother," he spat out the word, "regularly visits. Regulus is dead. It is my house. Who's going to stop us?"

It was a good point. Sirius opened the door. "Come on," he said. "We'll go straight to Regulus's room."

They walked up the steps, trying to be quiet despite the fact that Sirius assured them there was no one home, except possibly a house elf. Peter looked around curiously. They'd all been here before, awkward visits that the three of them endured mainly because they knew that Sirius was waging a war against his parents. The house had not changed much, although Peter noticed that the smell was slightly different. The scent of a heavy, old-fashioned perfume was more predominant, and the more masculine smells were gone all together.

Regulus's room was across from Sirius's on the top floor, where obviously the boys would be out of hearing range. Sirius opened the door without even glancing at his own room.

"Any idea where to search?" Remus asked.

"Not a clue," Sirius admitted. "I'm not even sure what we're looking for."

They began to look through the room. Peter was rummaging through the closet when Remus said, "Hey Sirius, I think I found something." He was dusting off papers.

Sirius took them, and the others gathered around. Peter looked at it, but the writing was all gibberish to him. But when he looked at Sirius, his face was expressionless.

"Padfoot?" James said.

"This is it," Sirius whispered. "This code… Regulus and I made it up when we were younger. He must have… he must have hoped I would find them!" Sirius gathered the papers together, and Peter had to look away from the expression of hope on his face. "Come on. Let's see what else we can find."

An hour later they had found no locket.

"Would he have hidden it somewhere else in the house?" Remus suggested.

"Very possible. Let's start with the library." Sirius bounded to his feet. "Come on."

Peter had always theorized that Mrs. Black was part snake, a theory which Sirius gleefully supported. Perhaps that explained how she had managed to get into the house and up the stairs without any of them hearing her, although a more likely explanation was that their exuberance made them careless. But she appeared on the stairs in front of them, bringing Sirius up in a sudden, violent halt.

"Mother," he said, his voice low and angry. "So sorry to see you here. Get out of my way."

The anger that must have been on Sirius's face was intensified on his mother's. "What are you doing here?" she screeched. "Filth! Traitor! Abomination!"

Sirius waved his hand, composure regained. "Lovely to see you again, too, Mother. And how is Father? Extremely unwell, I hope?"

"If he is, it's your fault!" Mrs. Black declared. "You drove him there!"

"Oh, please. I left here five years ago, and-"

"Get out! I never want to see you again, vile scum!" Out of the corner of his eye, Peter saw James cringe in sympathy, although Sirius's shoulders were still straight. "What we've heard-"

"Filth, mudblood lover, blood traitor, disgrace, disappointment, abomination… I've heard them all, Mother."

Mrs. Black stopped. Her eyes narrowed shrewdly, and she began to cackle. It sent a chill down Peter's spine. "As if that wasn't bad enough," she said, drawing herself up. "But you… you're a miscreant. A sexual deviant. A-"

"A poof? A faggot?" The only reason Peter registered Sirius's surprise was that he knew him so well. "Well, I'm in good standing. Sirius two generations ago had several affairs, and I believe good old Aunt Elladora had a number of-"

"But they at least kept it secret! They were properly ashamed! They didn't go contracting filthy Muggle plagues that embarrass the family and make you a blemish on society!" She spat. "Of course, such a fate is too good for you."

Sirius flushed so red the back of his neck turned color. "How the HELL did you know?"

Mrs. Black smiled. "As you said, your father is very unwell."

It was at that point that Peter noticed her hand drift up to a heavy silver locket around her throat.

He looked at Remus and James, but both of them were standing in shock. The revelation had crippled them both, and neither of them were in a position to act. They'd have to trust him.

He took a deep breath and Apparated, appearing right in front of Mr.s. Black. Her eyes widened in surprise, but before she could react he grabbed the locket, yanked it hard enough to break the clasp, and Apparated away.

***

They found Peter at the Shrieking Shack, flushed with his success. "This has got to be it!" Peter said, brandishing the locket.

Sirius didn't even hear him. "How did she know? How the hell did she know?" he demanded. "There are laws. They couldn't have told her! There are LAWS! When I find out who did this, I'm going to…" and he trailed off, because he didn't know what he was going to do.

That was when he saw James and Remus.

"Oh," he said, remembering suddenly. "Oh. Shit."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Remus said. His face was stony. "I can't believe that we… that we were going to- and you didn't tell me."

"That might be why I stopped," Sirius said, stung.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," James said. "You used to tell me everything."

There was an expectant pause. Peter cleared his throat. "Actually, he did tell me," he said quietly. "I went with him for the test."

"You took Peter?" James demanded. "Why?"

"Because I didn't care what he thought," Sirius confessed.

Peter cringed. Even though he'd known it, it was not comfortable to hear Sirius say it so baldly.

"So, wait," James said. "You've known you've got… that thing-"

"AIDS," Remus interrupted. "Your euphemisms always did annoy me."

"HIV positive, if you really must get technical," Sirius corrected.

"And you've been around Harry? Sirius, are you out of your mind?"

"No!" Sirius shot back, pulling away. "Prongs, it's only transmissible a few ways. I don't do drugs, I'm not giving Harry a blood transfusion, and I'm sure as hell not having sex with him!"

"But you almost had sex with me," Remus pointed out.

"We kissed some, Remus. There's a lot more to sex than that."

"But you didn't tell me."

"Look," Peter broke in. "This is going nowhere. Horcrux, remember?" He dangled it in front of them. "Voldemort? Ending his reign of terror and genocide?"

"I'm still stuck on the Harry thing," James demanded. "How could you put him at risk?"

"How could I put him at risk? James, nothing would have happened. Nothing will EVER happen to Harry! At least, not from me. After all, I'm not the one whose wife had to kick him out because his little potions habit was endangering their son!"

James pressed his lips together. "That's low," he finally said. "Even for you."

"What? It's true! I haven't said anything before because you're my best friend, but maybe I should! Damn it, James! You're the only one of us who managed to have it all! A good job, a gorgeous wife, an amazing kid… and yeah. So Voldemort is after you. So things are hard. But you've been fucking throwing it all away!"

"I repeat," Peter said. "Horcrux. Instrument of truly Dark magic, so evil the subject is banned from Hogwarts. I'm holding it in my hand."

Remus jerked out of his own trance and stepped in between the two of them. "Peter's right," he said. "We need to find Dumbledore. And fast, because who knows how much time Harry and Lily might have?"

***

"Five horcruxes," Dumbledore said, leafing through the deciphered notes. "Slytherin's locket, Hufflepuff's cup, Ravenclaw's diadem, a diary, and a ring. And possible locations."

"We could split up," Sirius suggested. "Look. Regulus thought one of the Horcruxes was in Gringotts, and one was in Hogwarts."

"That's two of them," James said thoughtfully.

Dumbledore stroked his beard. "I have my suspicions about where the ring might be. But the diary… give me a day on that."

"Well, why not?" Sirius said. "Peter and James could go to Gringotts, Remus and I could search here, and you get the ring… sir?"

"In the interests of time, I suppose it would be best. We'll meet back here."

***

"So," Remus said, crossing his arms and glaring at Sirius when the others were alone. "That was convenient."

"Look, Remus, I really did want to say I'm sorry." Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets, but faced Remus squarely. "I did want to tell you. I was going to tell you, but it was that night you told me, and… well…."

Remus closed his eyes. "All right. You win. I forgive you."

When he opened them, Sirius was standing there, grinning helplessly. "Thanks."

"Come on. Let's search."

It wasn't that Remus didn't want to know more. But this was something that was so big, it could only be discussed in the most casual manner. "Well, where do we start?"

Sirius thought a moment. "I wonder…."

"What?"

"Do you remember the room the house elves called the Come and Go room? The one we found seventh year after Filch stole our map?"

"Yeah. Oh, you're kidding. You think we can just walk in there and have the Horcruxes show up?"

"Well, not all of them. Although that would… well, wait. Why not?"

"Why not? Because it doesn't work that way!" Remus sputtered.

"How does it work then?" Sirius asked. "It was never mentioned in Hogwarts: A History, and I've never seen any description of it. What would we hurt by trying it?"

Remus shrugged. "I can't believe we're doing this," he said.

"Come on, then."

They began walking up to the seventh floor. "So," Remus said, after the first staircase. "Are you… I mean, do you feel sick?"

"Some days," Sirius admitted. "I went through a nasty bout a while back that the healers said was the virus taking hold, but now I'm mostly fine. They give me potions to help keep the worst of it at bay."

"I know the Muggles don't have a cure," Remus said. "Do the Wizards?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"How long do they give you?"

Sirius shrugged again. "No one really knows. I could get worse tomorrow, I could go on for years."

"You seem to be handling it well," Remus ventured.

Sirius snorted. "Only because there's something more important than all our lives at stake right now. Come on. Here we are."

"So, what are we going to do?" Remus asked. "Just pace and think, Voldemort's Horcruxes?"

"Got any better ideas?"

"No."

Sirius began to pace, and the door to the Room of Requirement appeared.

Of course they didn't open the door to find the Horcruxes laid out like an Egyptian pharaoh's internal organs. In fact, when they opened the door it looked more like a grandmother's attic, filled to the brim with old junk, contraband, and another man's treasure. Remus sighed heavily.

"I don't suppose that the Horcruxes are hidden in all this, are they?"

"I doubt it." Sirius seemed deflated himself. "But this seems like as good a place as any to start looking. Any diaries, cups, rings, or diadems that you find, bring em on out."

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"What the fuck is a diadem?"

Sirius grinned. "It's a tiara, as all good poofs know. Now start looking."

***

James and Peter walked through the nearly empty darkened Diagon Alley.

"How the heck are we going to get into Gringotts?" Peter asked. "And once we're in, where are we going to look? Voldemort doesn't exactly have a vault."

James looked at him sharply. "You know that?"

"Well, I know that he's asked… James! Wait! He's asked several Death Eaters to hold on to things for him! If we can search those vaults, maybe we can find them!"

James considered that. "It's not a bad thought," he admitted. "But how are we going to guess which vaults? We can't search them all. Do you…" he cringed, and then asked in a rush, "do you have any idea which Death Eaters are closest to Voldemort?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange," Peter responded promptly. "And her lout of a husband, I guess, but I swear she never sees him if the Dark Lord is in the same room."

James stopped. "Wait a minute. You're trying to tell me that one of Voldemort's minions has a fan-girl crush on him?"

"I never thought of it quite that way, but yes. I guess you could say that."

James considered. "Any other candidates? Who else would he ask?" He considered. "What about the Malfoys?"

"Hmm. Very possible," Peter admitted. "I'm sure it isn't a shock to you that Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater. But… which would make more sense? Keeping the Horcruxes in different spots, so if someone got one they couldn't get the other, or keeping them both in Gringotts, assuming that if a person got one, the goblins would get them before they get the other?"

"I don't know," James admitted. He noticed with some detachment his hands were shaking again. "Hey, Peter?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Peter shrugged. "Sure."

"What Sirius said." It was a struggle to even think of it. "Do you agree?"

"Oh. Do you really want the answer to that?"

James sighed. "So you do."

Evasion was Peter's natural state. "What do you think?"

James didn't really want to answer that. "Come on. Let's go take Gringotts by storm."

***

"Sirius! Sirius, this has got to be it!" Remus was waving the diadem.

"What makes you so sure?" Sirius asked, making his way over.

"Well, how many tiaras are around?" Remus asked. "And besides, the inscription of Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure is a bit of a giveaway."

Sirius whooped. "Nice going, Moony!" he shouted.

He pounded Remus on the back. It was meant to be a celebratory, friendly gesture, not to turn into a hug. But Remus fell into him awkwardly, and before they knew it, they were standing amidst the clutter with their bodies pressed together, Sirius's arm around Remus's shoulders. Sirius took a deep breath and shifted slightly, and then he was standing with Remus in his arms.

Sirius Black liked to think that there wasn't anything he was truly afraid of, but at that moment, when Remus looked up at his face questioningly, searching his eyes, his soul trembled.

"We've made a right mess of everything, haven't we?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded, unable to speak.

Remus kissed him then, and this time, Sirius knew that it was real. There would be no interruptions, no more false starts. This time, no matter what happened next, it was for keeps.

***

They were running. James thought his heart was going to explode and that white hot stars had replaced his lungs. But they couldn't stop. Not with a dragon on their tails, a dead goblin in their wake, and several hexes and jinxs slapped on them by a wizard working in the bank.

"What are we going to do?" Peter asked. "We can't Apparate, we can't fly, and we can't fucking outrun a dragon much longer!"

James was trying to speak, but the Silencing Charm had hit him. Rather ingenious, really. He pointed furiously at a corner. They whipped around it. Predictably, the dragon followed.

"If we can just lose it," Peter gasped, "we can transform. I don't think it's smart enough-"

James waved him silent and nodded. Peter realized they'd have to lose the dragon soon, because the only thing saving them was the narrowness of the alley, which was slowing the dragon significantly. But soon enough, the dragon would think to go above the buildings.

Fortunately, Knockturn Alley served their purpose well. After a tense moment where the dragon looked like it might enjoy barbecued venison, it gave off and flew off to search elsewhere. A few moments later, they were human again, catching their breath and working through the counterjinxes.

"We should let the others know we got the cup," Peter said, mopping his face. "You want to tell them, or shall I?"

"You do it," James said, slumping down against a wall. "Merlin, am I out of shape."

He was vaguely aware of Peter casting a Patronus, and a large elephant trumpeting before it was spirited away.

He had finally caught his breath just as the Patronus returned, telling them to come back to Hogwarts. Remus and Sirius had found one of the Horcruxes, and Dumbledore had secured another. James sighed with relief. "That's four down," he said. "One to go." For the first time, he allowed himself hope. Not only that they might actually do this, but that once he was a hero, Lily would allow him home.

***

"Well. What do we do now?" Sirius asked, looking at the objects spread in front of them. "Destroy them?"

"Not quite yet," Dumbledore said. "We still must obtain the diary. But more than that, Voldemort may very well notice the Horcruxes are destroyed, and choose to act then. We must be ready to destroy Voldemort immediately after the Horcruxes."

"Won't he notice they're missing?" Remus wondered.

"Very possibly. That's why we must act on the diary immediately."

"We don't know where it is, do we?" Peter asked.

"We do. Severus was able to obtain the information for me. Not from Voldemort, but from Lucius Malfoy."

"Are we sure this information is accurate?" Sirius demanded suspiciously.

"I have full faith in Severus."

"I'm glad someone does," muttered Sirius. The rest of his comment was probably best left under his breath.

***

"I am going to kill you," Remus told James as they walked towards Malfoy Manor. Peter and Sirius walked behind them, under the Invisibility Cloak. "First, you turn me into a duck. Now you turn me into a woman. A woman!"

"I need your help. If it's just me, Malfoy will suspect something. And Morgane Yaxley was… well, you know."

"I know." Remus rolled his eyes. "If Lily ever catches wind of the idea you've hooked back up with an old girlfriend, she'll never take you back." Sirius stepped on Remus's heel. "Ouch! Well, it's true!"

"Well, hopefully, she won't hear. Now relax and enjoy it, because when this is over we all want to hear how it feels to have tits."

"Oh, you'll be finding out first hand," Remus growled. But he shut up, because they were here. He looked at James, and James grinned back at him, faking a cockiness he didn't feel.

"Let's do this."

Remus straightened his/her robes, and leaned over to ring the bell. James really hoped he could fake this.

A house elf answered the door. Remus gave Morgane's best smile. "Hello. Please tell your master that Morgane Yaxley is here to see him, and that I have a surprise for him that he'll find most welcome."

"Please come in, Mistress," the house elf said, ushering them in. Sirius and Peter were right on their heels, and made it in before the door closed. James looked over his shoulder, but naturally didn't see them. He'd just have to trust that they'd find the diary on their own. Now he had to keep Malfoy suitably occupied.

The home of the Malfoys was huge. James had grown up in an affluent family and was generally not impressed by wealth, but this house was designed to intimidate. He looked around the marble foyer with discomforted interest. But as he heard footsteps, the discomfort sharpened into the dominant emotion.

"Morgane!" Lucius Malfoy held his hands out. Without even a grimace, Remus took them and kissed him on both cheeks. "This is a pleasant surprise. Narcissa will be so sorry she missed you! She's out," he explained. "Draco had a check up. Won't you please…." He trailed off as he caught sight of James. "Well," he said, his tone much altered. "I'm not sure I qualify it as pleasant, but this is a surprise as well. Potter."

James took a deep breath and extended his hand. "Lucius. I'm grateful for your hospitality."

"Yes. Well."

Remus smiled. "You'll be even more grateful, Lucius, when you hear what he has to say. Believe me, I would never put you or your wonderful family at risk. Tell me, how is little Draco these days?" He took Lucius by the arm and essentially muscled him into guiding them into the sitting room.

However, Remus had asked exactly the right question. Lucius began to talk, bragging about all of the things his son had done. First words, funny things he was saying, expectations, hopes, and pride… as he tripped over a toy broom, James suddenly realized just how this was going to work.

"And it took the house elf three hours to get it off the wall," Lucius chuckled as they were seated. "But I'm sorry, I do ramble." He rang a bell, and the house elf appeared with a tea tray. He poured out a cup for Remus/Morgane, and then one for James. "Tell me, Potter. What brings you here?"

"We're both fathers," James said slowly. "And we both want the best for our sons."

"Yes?"

"My Harry. He's the same age as your Draco." As he was speaking, James had to push the thought of Harry to the back of his mind, because thinking about his little arms around his neck in a hug always brought a lump to his throat. "But I haven't seen him in two months, because my…" he hardened his heart… "my Mudblood of a wife won't let me."

"Mmm. Yes. I'd heard the rumors that you'd left her, but I didn't know what it was about."

James put his arm around Remus, who looked down demurely. "Well, I finally realized that what I felt wasn’t real. It couldn't be. We're too different. I needed to be with someone of my own kind. And Morgane, she's always been there for me."

"Very sweet," Lucius muttered noncommittally.

"But, like you, I want what's best for my son. I want him to have hopes and dreams and a place in the world." James had a hard time saying that, only because it was so true. "And I'm failing him." He stopped then, as the past few months flashed before his eyes.

"James?" Remus prompted softly.

"I'm failing him," he whispered. "Every moment he's not with me… I'm not getting it back. I can't let that happen, and I am letting it happen. I didn't think I ever would, but…." Remus squeezed his knee.

"That's all very well and good," Lucius said into the awkward silence that descended, "but what does that have to do with me?"

Remus's hand began firmer, bringing James back to the present. "It's Lily. She kicked me out before I could think, and she kept Harry. Now he's being raised by her, and I want to get him back. I need advice. Legal advice." And he was off into the spiel they'd worked out beforehand.

It was effective. Some part of James's mind registered that, especially as Lucius changed from skeptical to sympathetic and began to outline legal procedures. A few choice mentions from Remus about a potential Death Eater membership, and Malfoy softened even further, until he was flat-out gracious. But James didn't much register. His mind was too far away, and he couldn't force it away.

Funny how sometimes artifice uncovered truth.

***

"I can't believe we actually have to be grateful to Snape," Sirius groaned that night, when they were all in Sirius's flat.

"I can't believe you made me be a woman," Remus groused. He was sitting at Sirius's feet, Sirius's fingers drifting down to his shoulder. "I hate you all."

"I can't believe that tomorrow it could all be over," Peter said, shivering. "Tomorrow, we could be free."

James buried his face in his hands. "I can't believe that Lily was right."

***

Waiting was easily the hardest part. Peter paced, even as the others slept fitfully. Funny. In his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined it ending like this. He'd never imagined this forgiveness, even if it wasn't explicit, to be with friends, to be accepted as they knew the truth. He thought that if he survived tomorrow, he might have to become a priest or something, because surely this confirmed that there was some sort of God.

Remus and Sirius were both curled on the couch. They weren't cuddling, per se, but they were touching a hell of a lot more than friends should. Peter looked at them for a long time, and he realized he was glad. If there was anyone that would stick with Sirius until the end, it was Remus.

Of course, he and James would, too. He knew that now for certain.

"You should be sleeping."

Peter turned to see James huddled in a blanket, clammy and pale and watching him. "So should you."

"I can't."

"Nerves?"

"No. Withdrawal."

Peter chuckled and sat down next to him. "You never were one for half-measures."

"It will get better."

"Will she take you back, do you think?" Peter asked, even though he knew the answer. But James shook his head.

"I'm not going to ask her. Not yet." He took a deep breath. "She was right, you know. And until I have this beaten, I can't be around Harry. It's not safe, and I won't hurt him again."

It wasn't manly, but Peter fumbled for James's hand. "I'm glad," he said simply, because there weren't words to express what he was really feeling.

"Did you ever see it turning out like this?" James asked.

"Of course not. Did you?"

"That the four of us would band together to defeat Voldemort, and be friends forever?" James chuckled. "Of course."

Peter shook his head, laughing. "Of course."

Comments

[sunisshiningnow.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was just, wow.


Brilliant. *eyes are definitely not tearing up, nope* :D

Oh, boys. ♥

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) It is fun to make them tear themselves up, isn't it?

[starstealingirl.livejournal.com]

This is so heartbreaking, and so real. I love that you don't go for the easy ending, that finding out Peter is the traitor does not automatically make everything fit into place. I like that the end is hopeful, but doesn't neatly wrap everything up. I like that it's a difficult read, but never feels just like angst for angst's sake. And I definitely like that (unlike the way things are portrayed in the vast majority of fic) the characters don't live in a utopia where lots of unprotected sex doesn't have its consequences. Amazing job.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I agree- I really wish more fics addressed the consequences of sex, especially given the large teen audience. (Not just STDs, but any consequences.) Thanks again!

[tree_and_leaf]

This is a brilliant AU - sad and believable. Though I must admit I'd like to know how it all turned out in the end!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

The truth is I ran up against a deadline, which is why the Lady and the Tiger ending is there :) In my head, it was supposed to be a bit longer, with MWPP defeating Voldie, and Lily wanting James to come home, and James refusing until he was sure he'd broken his addiction. Plus a Sirius/Remus safe-sex scene. I don't remember what I'd decided for Peter, which might be part of why I ran up against the deadline anyway!

Thanks for reading :)

[alanachantelune.livejournal.com]

What wondeful story ! I love it, congratulations !
But I wish know if Lily will forgive James.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

She totally did :) The truth is I ran up against a deadline, which is why the Lady and the Tiger ending is there :) In my head, it was supposed to be a bit longer, with MWPP defeating Voldie, and Lily wanting James to come home, and James refusing until he was sure he'd broken his addiction. Plus a Sirius/Remus safe-sex scene. I don't remember what I'd decided for Peter, which might be part of why I ran up against the deadline anyway!

Thanks for reading :)

[plynn78.livejournal.com]

That was just beautiful. I loved it. You really made it believable and poignant. Thank you.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it- I was pretty fond of this one!

[snorkackcatcher]

Excellent and a version of the Marauders that drags you in, with them basically getting it even more horribly wrong and things being even more broken than they were in the books, but still coming back together somehow. You took them to some surprising places, but it actually sounded rather plausible. Character torture at its finest. :)

The idea of all four of them being able to cross the lake as animals and therefore not drinking enough potion to experience the full effects was brilliant.

The ending was rather abrupt -- I felt a bit like I'd missed the last episode of a series. (I was kind of expecting them to destroy all the Horcuxes only to find that Voldemort had gone to Lily and killed her, but this time when the spell on Harry rebounded it finished him off. :D)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks- character torture is FUN! :) Well, for me.

I have to admit, the idea of them being able to cross the lake as animals wasn't mine. In fact, I was having trouble with it and put the matter up to my teammates. One of them pointed out the Animagus thing, and my reaction was pretty much the same as Peter's and Sirius's. (::headsmack:: "Why didn't I think of that????")

I totally agree with you about the ending. The truth is I ran up against a deadline, which is why the Lady and the Tiger ending is there :) In my head, it was supposed to be a bit longer, with MWPP defeating Voldie, and Lily wanting James to come home, and James refusing until he was sure he'd broken his addiction. Plus a Sirius/Remus safe-sex scene. I don't remember what I'd decided for Peter, which might be part of why I ran up against the deadline anyway! I hadn't planned on killing Lily, which I know sounds really odd for one of my AUs, but it's a brilliant idea!

Thanks! :)

[inkvoices]

Here via omniocular and I have to tell you that I loved this, for so many reasons: that Sirius is the one demanding Peter is killed, but is the first to really be friends with him again; that James stops Sirius' tirade with a mere touch on the arm; that Remus says they're exactly where they were before, thinking that one of them is a traitor and that only now they know it. And all the rest.

The fact that Peter turned traitor always makes my heart ache, so a fic where he confesses makes me happy, but then I loved that you didn't make that a happily ever after. Remus with the 'group' that he can't call a pack, Sirius with HIV, James with drug issus, a stressed Lily and yet... "I repeat," Peter said. "Horcrux. Instrument of truly Dark magic, so evil the subject is banned from Hogwarts. I'm holding it in my hand." They're still who they are, both apart and together, and I can't help thinking that somehow everything will be okay. Because Dumbledore has them getting the Horcruxes, Snape is helping out, there's a big showdown on the horrizon and of course everything is going to be okay (even though Sirius has an uncurable disease and James and Lily are spilt up and the Longbottoms are dead and, really, everything isn't alright at all.)

Wonderful writing, and well done (with thanks) for the touches of humour, because what would those four be without that? :o)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much- I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Yeah, I'm not much on the happily ever afters :) Or at least not the easy ones. This one actually had a happier ending in mind than my other AUs- I was actually going to leave all four of them alive, or maybe kill Peter. (I ran into a deadline, thus the Lady or the Tiger ending.) One AU I wrote I killed everyone but Peter and Harry, and one I killed everyone but James and Neville. (And then the last one I didn't kill anyone but Cedric's mom, but I also didn't write the original, so I can't be accused of the happier ending :))

And yeah- they definitely need the humor! Especially the dorky type, because they are complete and utter dorks. Legends in their own minds, I suspect! >:)

Thanks for reading!

[mustntgetmy.livejournal.com]

Dayum was this incredible. One of the best AUs I've read in a really long time. And I can't believe that my favorite character ended up being Peter! Fantastic job on this.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it- and that you liked Peter. I enjoy playing around with him.

Thanks for reading! :)

[sorsatar.livejournal.com]

Hey, I haven't commented before, but I have read and enjoyed your fics for, oh, I think it's years now. My, how time flies.

I have to say, you are maybe the best fanfic author I've come across. (Not that I really read that much fanfic in general, but psshhh, it's still a valid compliment.) And while I adore AIL (and suffer for lack of updates, see?), your AUs just never fail to amaze me. There's so much thought and these bits you recognize from canon and go "Oh!" over when met in new context. Good stuff. Brilliant stuff.

As a reader I happen to really care about how text flows, how words and sentences fit together, and this is really pleasant and captivating to read. The writing compliments the story, drives it at apropriate speed at any given time, and that's actually something not many authors, fanfic or published, can manage.

Plot-wise I want to say I really love how all this angsty, dark, sad, go-away-world-and-take-your-shit-with-you stuff keeps piling up on the four of them (and everyone else, too), and it never seems like it's overdone, you just sigh and ask what more can possibly come, and find the answer to be "lots". And that the boys actually do figure it out, Horcruxes and relationships and life, yet it's not fluffy, it's not insta!cure, but there's light, some hope. Balances the angst very nicely. (Not to mention I like the fact suddenly you realize you're reading about eating disorder, drug abuse, severe sex issues/AIDS, going over to the dark side... and back, and it's not in your face. That these things are addressed, are central, are important to characters and plot, and you finish reading without the feeling of having simultaneously having the issues rubbed in your face while force-fed the moral lesson of the story.) It's really rather delicate, how you paint the picture of their lives and minds and souls for the reader to draw own conclusions about.

Oh, and your Peter? Simple, pure love. Absolutely.

Ah, that would be my neat and compact thoughts on the matter. So, first, I apologize for any possible trouble with my language, as I'm not native with English, and then

Thank you very much, for this wonderful story. I have really enjoyed it.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your lovely comment- it really made my day! I wish I could say something deeper back, but I just wanted to let you know it really made me smile. Thanks so much!!!

I'm especially glad you enjoyed Peter. I really felt like Peter got a bit robbed in the series- he had so much potential, and he ended up quite 2-D. He could have been so much more interesting... ::sigh::

Anyway, thanks again- I really appreciate it!

[sundappled.livejournal.com]

Oh that was just absolutely perfect; you've mamanged to make such a complex storyline so flowing and conceivable. Oh and it was just so painful.

I love your style of writing so much, and this hasn't let me down in the slightest ;) I'm so trying to imagine a happy ending for them all, but I can't quite do it; I'd love to see an epilogue to this story.

Wow

[feral-faerie.livejournal.com]

That is an amazing AU!
I love how you stay true to all of the horcruxes and other areas of cannon.
The way that you didn't demonise Peter and had Lily's and James marriage as far from perfiect really appealed to me.

I can see how James , a man of action, would end up the way he is in the fic.

Also the way you deal with the suspicion on Lupin and Sirius being HIV positive was heartbreaking.

Loved it!

Re: Wow

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I was very fond of this fic, so I'm glad people liked it :)

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

"I repeat," Peter said. "Horcrux. Instrument of truly Dark magic, so evil the subject is banned from Hogwarts. I'm holding it in my hand."

LOL. Oh, Peter, who ever expected YOU would be the voice of reason in a truly crappy situation?

This is a really great re-writing of the Marauder story. It's really raw and painful, and yet so hopeful there at the end. I think I want to cuddle each and every one of them.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Peter was SO much fun in this. You're really taking me down memory lane here!