FIC: Youth's Final Luxury Part 9

[lls_mutant]

Felix could hear Romo and Adama talking, although he couldn't hear the words. He looked helplessly around the Admiral's study. He'd been in here plenty of times before, but oddly, he couldn't manage to sit. He told himself it was because he was due to head down to Colonial One in a matter of minutes; if he sat right now, he wouldn't want to get back up.
Rat. He closed his eyes. Anger. Hate. Disgust. He could still hear the voices, and he realized this was doing nothing to further what he needed to do. He turned his back on the room and began the journey to the hangar bay.

The halls of the Galactica looked different to him. They seemed red, tinged with drying blood. Down the corridor, he could hear the echoes of gunshots. I hope you know this will have consequences. Deadly consequences. He shook his head and continued, beginning to rehearse what he was going to say to the Quorum in his head.

Um, hi was not an acceptable beginning. Nor was Kneel before your new lord and master, peons. Admiral Adama would say Men and women of the Quorum, yes? Maybe. Or he'd just ignore salutations all together and- frak, why was he even thinking of what Adama would do? He pushed it away angrily.

Thank you, Mr. President. There it was, right there. I know that this is an uncertain time for all of you. I know that what has happened upsets the status quo that we have all grown comfortable with, and I regret that certain actions had to be taken. He stopped, looking distastefully at the stairs. The Galactica was not designed for a crippled man. He looked around, saw no one of consequence, and tossed his crutches over the edge, where they clattered to the floor. Then he sat down on the stairs and began to scoot down, like a child still uncertain of his steps.

I regret that certain actions had to be taken, but if our Fleet- if humanity- wants to survive, these things had to be done. We can not tolerate an alliance with the very people who destroyed everything we hold dear. But you know that, I know you do, because you voted not to allow Cylons on civilian ships. You have guarded democracy. You have confirmed Tom Zarek as your President. Our people will survive because of what you have done, because you have listened to them, because you have acted in their best interests.

"Commander Gaeta."

Felix looked up, startled, to see a Marine extending his crutch and a hand. For a moment he was utterly humiliated, sitting on the bottom step, looking up at this man. But the man's eyes showed nothing but respect and sadness. "Thank you," he said, taking the proffered crutch and gripping his hand. The Marine pulled him to standing.

"Zarek is ready for you."

"I was heading there now. Thank you."

The Marine saluted, and fell into step behind him. Felix struggled towards Colonial One. The people's best interests. That is what we are defending, that is what we fight for. That is what we have always fought for – the people. When I put on my uniform, I swore a solemn oath, that I would defend the people of the Colonies, the Articles, and the freedoms we enjoy. That is what I have done today, even though it has cost me much.

And when he opened the door of Colonial One and entered the room where the Quorum met, Felix saw just how much this had cost. He stared at the bodies, biting back on the bile that choked him.

"What is this?" he demanded when he could speak again.

Tom stepped out of the corner, like a ghost. His face was pale and his mouth was tight. "This, Mr. Gaeta, is revolution."

"I never agreed to this!"

"Yes, you did," Zarek said calmly.

Felix looked at the corpses of people who had likely never raised guns, and then grabbed Zarek by the collar. "No, this is murder!"

"This is a coup," Zarek was firm. "That you began. To take command and destroy our enemies, before they destroy us." He put a hand on Felix's shoulder. The hand was firm but gentle, completely at odds with the grim determination on his face.

Enemies. Since when were the Quorum enemies? Tom had assured him, had been so sure… and yet, here they were, dead because… well, he didn't even know why. He looked back.

"What have you done?"

"This is what happens."

"No... no, it's a lie. This is all based on lies. Don't you get it? We... we had the truth on our side, now... now..."

"The truth is told by whoever is left standing. Adama has to go. There's no turning back now."

The hand was still on his shoulder, still gentle, still firm. Felix looked down at it, remembering a night on New Caprica of cold and smoke when Tom had ruffled his hair and they'd laughed together. That was the Tom Zarek he knew, that he respected. The man standing in front of him with an emotionless face and bloodstained hands was the Tom Zarek that Dee had warned him about, that Louis hated. The one that Felix had closed his eyes to, had refused to see.

Three times he'd put his faith in men to lead. He'd thought Gaius Baltar could build them a new home, and he'd failed. He'd thought William Adama could find them one, and he'd failed. And he'd thought Tom Zarek could change the world, that he could make everything right, put it back the way it was meant to be.

He stepped away, his leg throbbing in agony. He reached down, clawing at the stump, trying to find some relief, and nothing came.

You gave me the names, Felix!

Out of nowhere, the whisper shot through him, freezing him solid, and he remembered. He could smell the blood and the metallic scent of fear, hear her voice in her ears, see her face shift from the one he knew to the one of nightmares. There was blood on his hands. There always had been.

He looked over his shoulder at the dead Quorum again. "This," he said slowly. "These are the consequences."

"Yes. Don't let their deaths be in vain, Felix. If we stop now, they will be. But if we finish what we started, those that die today will save the entire Fleet."

Felix nodded, feeling a part of his soul die as he spoke. "All right," he said. "Let's go finish with Adama."

***

"You deserted us on New Caprica. You let us twist in the wind!"

Tom desperately wanted to just bury his head in his hands. New Caprica? Felix was really bringing that up? For crying out loud, even Tom didn't hold Adama responsible for that one. And he'd never thought that Felix had, either. Everything with the Quorum, and they were right back here.

"I saved your frakking ass."

"Why can't you just admit that you've been derelict in your duties as an officer?" The argument continued, but the phone rang. Tom gratefully moved to it to take the call.

"This is Kelly. Is Commander Gaeta there?"

Tom looked over to the table. "He's busy," he snapped curtly. "This is Zarek."

"Sir, Tigh and the skinjobs escaped. We did everything we could, but…"

"Casualties?"

"Human only. We're not sure yet-"

"That's fine. Thank you." The idea sprang into his head immediately, and he knew how this could work to his advantage.

He hung up and turned back to the table. "We just got word that Tigh and the skinjobs escaped."

"Don't worry, sir," a Marine said, "We're on it." He gestured to another guard and left immediately.

Tom looked directly at Felix. "Saul Tigh was killed trying to escape."

And he saw it. Adama broke right then and there. He withdrew into himself. He would give no more arguments, no more resistance. Not right now. And this trial could come to an end.

"I'm sorry," Felix said, and it was an expression of sympathy. Tom closed his eyes for a moment. "But you did give aid and comfort to the enemy. Saul Tigh was a Cylon. And even when you discovered that he was, you let him remain the XO, didn't you?"

"I'm not answering any more questions for you, Mr. Gaeta." Adama said.

Thank Gods. Tom jumped in. "The prisoner is guilty as charged," he said. But he didn't look at Adama; he looked at Felix. I gave you what I could, he told him silently. But now it's time. We can't indulge this any more, or we'll lose everything. And he saw the acknowledgement in Felix's eyes.

"This isn't a trial," Lampkin opined. "This is an asylum."

Tom shoved him against the wall. He wanted to yell, to rage, to make this man see what this was costing, what they were fighting for… all those things Felix wanted to say to Adama. All those things he wanted to say to Felix. But before he could, Laura Roslin's voice cackled over the wireless.

"This is President Laura Roslin speaking from the Cylon Baseship. Felix Gaeta has seized Galactica by force. The Cylons were defending themselves. They will not harm you. I repeat, the Cylons will not harm you. Shut down your FTL drives..."

"Frak!"

Tom shoved Lampkin away from him, and headed for the CIC. The signal needed to be stopped immediately, and there was no way Felix was going to get there quickly enough. He burst into the CIC, which was a flurry of inefficient activity.

"Why, by the frak, is she still broadcasting?" he demanded of the man sitting at Gaeta's station. "Where's Hoshi? Get that little frak back into CIC!"

"Shut down your FTL drives..." Laura was hypnotically insisting.

"Frak."

A hand was on his arm, and he turned to see Felix, pale but composed. His face was purposeful, even as he leaned heavily on his cane. "I'll take it from here, Tom," he said, and as he did, Tom suddenly realized that they'd slipped back into first names. "You go clean up your mess on Colonial One."

Tom backed off, retreating to the door. But he wasn't ready to go down to Colonial One just yet. Not until he was sure Felix had done what he needed to do. Because right now, Tom wasn't sure he'd do it at all.

***

"Ten ships shut down their FTL drives after Roslin's transmission."

"Ten ships out of thirty five," Noel said. "Frakking Roslin."

"No, she did us a favor," Felix said, silently impressed that it was that few. "Now we're clear who's with us and who's trouble." He turned to his old station. "Gage, give the jump coordinates only to those ships that kept their FTLs online. Order them to jump immediately."

"Yes, sir."

His hands were illuminated by the light of the table, making them look darker than usual. Felix stared at them for a split second, and then drew a deep breath and turned to Noel.

"I need you to assemble an execution detail," he told him. "Only men you can trust. Secure the main hangar deck launch tube. Take Adama down there and wait for me." He measured him with his eyes. "Can I count on you, Noel?"

It was a terrible thing to ask, and he knew it. Noel didn't like the orders, that much was obvious. But then, neither did Felix. And they'd both known that this was coming. After a moment, Noel nodded. "All down the line, sir."

Felix watched him walk away, and then caught sight of Tom standing in the CIC.

"Spying on me, Tom?" he asked as he approached.

"Let's just get through this and move on, all right, Felix?" Tom sounded tired, but it was more of an order than anything else.

The gulf stretched between them for a long moment, forged and widened by the blood on their hands. Once this was over, Felix told himself, once this was over then they could mend this, they could get back to what they had to do.

"I'm going to the Admiral's study," he informed Tom. He glanced at Racetrack, who was still standing at the table. "Captain Edmondson," he said deliberately, and saw her eyes widen, "you have the deck."

"Yes, sir."

He limped up the stairs, detachedly wondering if there was an easy way he could put some sort of ramp in place to make it easier to get down to the center of the CIC. If he was going to continue to command… the rest of the journey loomed in front of him, and once more that he was responsible for the safety of this Fleet hit him hard. He was their protector now, and he would not forget that. Not now, not ever.

And yet, eleven corpses lay in Colonial One. And Noel was waiting for him down in the launch tube. And so far there were thirty eight deaths reported to him on the Galactica.

He opened the door to the Admiral's study, and stared around it. Adama wasn't dead, but this was still his room. And not just the associations. The art, the pictures, the personal items…. Adama was all around him, and Felix wasn't sure that would ever go away.

He pulled out the Admiral's pins, holding them in a shaking hand. He could see them so clearly on Adama's collar. They would look ludicrous on him. He dropped them heavily onto the desk.

His leg was hurting so badly that shafts of pain were shooting up his side and into his head, and he could barely stand. The pips were on the desk, where they belonged. And yet, this is what made a sacrifice a sacrifice. When you gave up something you truly loved, when you tossed it into the fire and watch it burn in the desperate hope that it would make the world a better place… that was what he had to do. It wouldn't be a sacrifice if it was easy.

Tom had made this same sacrifice on the altar of freedom and democracy and humanity. And now Felix couldn't avoid it any longer.

He picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Lieutenant Allison. Carry out the execution."

"Yes, sir."

He hung up, knowing he should be down there. The blood should be on his hands, not Noel's. But when he took a step forward, the pain in his leg brought tears to his eyes. He had to stand still for a long moment, and in his head he heard the words, ready, aim, fire. He looked at the chair, and realized that Adama was probably dead already.

Adama was dead.

He sat down, slowly, and removed the prosthetic, and the pain eased. The sight of the ravaged stump sickened him, but not nearly as much as the ravages of his own soul.

But what was done was done, and this was not the time for regrets. He had to move forward now, because there was no other option. Adama was dead, and the Fleet needed someone to protect them. He glanced at the prosthetic, decided he couldn't bear putting it back on, and picked up his crutches. It was a long walk to the CIC, and he needed to get started.

It was cold. Freezing cold as he hobbled through the halls, and he couldn't stop shivering. The sound of the crutches and his one remaining foot barely registered in his ears. The Marine who had helped him onto Colonial One was here and moved aside, saluting. Felix barely noticed him. He moved into the CIC. Tom was standing in his spot, barking at Gage.

"Put me on speaker," Tom was ordering. "This is Tom Zarek. President of the Twelve Colonies. It's over, Laura. Saul Tigh was killed attempting to escape. Bill Adama was tried and found guilty of his crimes. Firing squad executed him this morning. It's done, Laura. You need to think about the people of this fleet now and surrender."

Roslin's voice came over the wireless, a rage of fury and hate. "No. Not now, not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eye teeth to end you. I swear it! I'm coming for all of you!"

It should have terrified him. It took Tom aback, Felix could see that. But all Felix felt was tired. Bone tired. He made his way down to the center of the CIC.

"So now we have a military leader and a President all in one," he told Tom wryly

Tom's face was hard, but his eye flitted down to the empty place where Felix's prosthetic should have been. "And how would you have answered her if you would have been here?"

"Baseship's arming itself, sir," Gage informed him before Felix could answer.

"Are we jump ready?" Felix asked.

"Affirmative."

"Set the rendezvous jump coordinates. Set your board to green. There's been enough killing. I'm leaving them behind. Unless you object."

Tom looked furious, but he held his words in. So there were small miracles after all. Roslin was still screaming over the wireless, and they were counting down the jump. The cold was invading his bones, but Felix steadfastly ignored it, listening to Gage reeling off the numbers. In seconds, they would be away and then…. Then the worst would be over, even as the work began. "Ten… nine… eight…" It would be over. Felix closed his hands into fists, counting silently with Gage.

"Five… four... three… FTL just went offline," Gage said. The unexpected words jerked Felix out of his pain-filled haze. The FTL was offline. The Galactica had failed him.

"Get a crew!" Tom ordered. "Get someone down to the engine room, right now. Come on, move it! Gaeta... Gaeta, launch your birds. Gaeta, wake up. What the frak are you doing? Launch your birds! Gaeta, Gaeta, we have to defend, do you understand that? Do you understand? Gaeta, we need to defend!

Wake up. Wake up. From far away, he heard a voice saying that, gentle and sure. Wake up. It was Dee, it was his mother, it was the Eight, it was Gaius, it was Louis…. Wake up.

"One day soon, there's gonna be a reckoning," he whispered.

No, not one day soon. Today.

He couldn't jump. He couldn't get his people to safety. He couldn't help, he couldn't break free, he couldn't do anything that would build them cities or keep them sheltered or free them or keep them safe. He couldn't protect them by fighting. If he fired on the basestar, he'd be destroying a barrier of his own people in the process, and that was exactly what he couldn't do.

Now there was only one option, only one way this could end.

"Weapons hold!"

For the first time since he'd taken command, he recognized his own voice. In those two words he'd sealed his own death, and Tom's as well. He could see that Tom knew it as well, and when he heard the boot steps, he knew that it would be sooner rather than later. The door to the CIC exploded open, and a voice that should have come from beyond the grave shouted, "Put your weapons down. Drop your weapons!"

Adama was alive. And although it meant he would die, although it meant that he had failed, Felix couldn't deny that he was relieved. Guns trained on both himself and Tom, and neither of them fought it. It was over. They led Tom away.

Adama grabbed the communicator. "Connect me with the President. Madam President, this is the Admiral. Stand down. I repeat, Galactica's secured. Stand down."

He turned to face Felix. Felix stared him down, exhausted and sick. There were bitterness, thunderous anger, and brutal disappointment there, but there was resolution as well. It was that resolution that made Felix go quietly, without any resistance.

Wake up they'd said, and Felix realized he finally had.

The Marines led him to a holding cell. Slowly, because without his prosthetic walking took forever. He was trembling and sweaty when they arrived.


He'd been expecting Tom. But he hadn't thought that Louis would be there as well, being freed of where Felix had locked him away, safe from the violence and making a decision he could regret. He froze, and one of the Marines nudged him with a gun.

"This," Louis said in a choked voice, as a greeting. "This was your plan. This was what you were going to do."

"Yes." Felix found himself looking longingly at the bed in the cell. He desperately needed to sit. "I know you don't understand-"

"No," Louis said bitterly. "I don't." And there was nothing Felix could say to that. He tried to move past Louis and into the cell.

"Where's your prosthetic?"

Felix turned. Louis was still standing there, shaken and angry and so, so disappointed and hurt, and yet, there was still something in his face, something strong and loving and good. "It's in Adama's study," Felix told him quietly. "I just… I just couldn't do it any more. It hurt too much."

Louis nodded. "They're going to kill you, aren't they?"

Felix shrugged. "I assume so." What he meant was I hope so. Louis saw it too. He stepped closer, but didn't reach out.

"You said goodbye earlier," Louis realized. "That was what you were really telling me. Not that it was over between us, but… but a final goodbye." Felix nodded. Behind Louis, the hatch opened to admit Adama and Tigh.

Louis glared at the guards, at Tom who was watching silently, at Adama and Tigh, and then entered the cell. He pulled Felix against him roughly, holding him tight, cheek against cheek. "I didn't get to say my goodbye," he whispered. Felix held on for just a brief moment, not believing his luck and wishing he could stay here.

"Don't come to the execution," he begged, Louis's arms still tight around him. "Please don't watch. Just remember… remember us."

Louis nodded, and then kissed him. Felix tasted salt, and he knew the tears were not his own. Like Louis said, he'd already said goodbye.

Louis pulled away, and took in Felix's face one last time. Then he turned and stiffly saluted the Admiral and the Colonel. "What are your orders, sir?"

Adama measured him. "Get to CIC," he said roughly. "Communications still have some hiccups."

"Yes, sir."

"And Lieutenant Hoshi?"

"Yes, sir?"

"We're going to be having a very long talk later."

Louis flushed, biting back anger. "Yes, sir." He turned and left.

Adama looked at Tigh. "Laura's waiting in my study. Take Zarek there. I'll be there soon."

"Yes, sir. Come on." Tigh grabbed Tom by the arm roughly. Felix met his eyes as he went, and Tom gave him a small half-smile.

And then it was just him and the Admiral.

The anger radiating off the man was palpable, but Felix found miserably that he just didn't care. He loved Adama, he couldn't kill the man… but his opinion meant nothing to him anymore. Some things were broken and couldn't be fixed.

Exhausted, he finally sat down on the bed.

"Do you have anything you'd like to say?" Adama demanded.

Felix looked up at him and shrugged. "Loui- Lieutenant Hoshi- he had absolutely no idea. He wasn't in on this at all. You can still trust him."

"I'll judge that for myself. And that's not what I meant."

Felix shrugged. "No. I said it all already. If you didn't listen then, you won't listen now."

"Tigh told me that you didn't beg in the airlock, back after New Caprica. You're not going to beg now." It was hard to tell if it was an order or a question, but it didn't matter.

"No," Felix agreed. "I'm not."

Adama wiped his face. "There won't be a trial," he said, and for the first time Felix thought he saw a flicker of pain. "If you'd like one, I can be the lawyer and Roslin can be the judge and jury."

Felix looked away. "No."

"What gods do you worship?"

That question was completely unexpected. "Excuse me?" Felix asked, furrowing his brow.

"What gods do you worship?" Adama repeated. "What priest do you want to see?"

For a moment, thought he might laugh. But then the thought burst through him, and as soon as it did he knew it had to be done. "Which priest? Gaius Baltar."

"No."

"Why not? He says he's a priest. There are people on this ship who revere him."

"And you're not one of them."

Felix snorted. "And yet, the funny thing is, everyone knows I once was," he said honestly. "But you didn't know that, did you?" he said, surprised. "You really didn't see it."

"I saw it." And maybe he did, but there was a small twitch of his hands that indicated uncertainty. "But you've never ascribed to his religion."

Felix smiled bitterly. "Call it a death bed conversion, then. But I want to see Gaius Baltar."

"All right. Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

Adama looked at him evenly. "I need the space in the holding cell for your friends," he said. "The ones I'm not sure I'm going to execute."

Felix struggled off the bed, grabbed his crutches, and followed the Admiral out of the cell. They walked in silence, and Felix noticed that it took Adama a lot longer than it should have to remember to adjust his pace. But the Admiral did slow.

He opened the door to a vacant officer's quarters. Felix looked around, unsure of who lived here. Funny, because he thought he knew Galactica backwards and forwards. Adama stepped aside and let Felix in.

"I'm posting Marines outside the door," he said. "It will take a couple hours to sort things out and to put the orders through. You have until then."

Felix nodded. He automatically opened his mouth to thank Adama, and then closed it again. Why should he thank the Admiral for a few hours before his execution?

Adama waited until Felix was inside and settled at a table, and then turned and headed for the door. On the threshold, he stopped, turned around, and fixed his steely gaze on Felix.

"You were wrong," he said. "That I don't care about my crew. I care more than you could ever know."

Felix sighed. "That wasn't what I said, and I'm not wrong. But there's no point in arguing it. It all ends the same way regardless."

"You're right about that," Adama said, and then left the room. The door clanged shut.

He was surprised when it opened fifteen minutes later to admit Colonel Tigh, who was carrying a tray with spiked coffee and cigarettes. The Colonel didn't say anything, and Felix just sat quietly, arms crossed, watching warily. There was nothing left to say there, either.

But when the door opened five minutes later and Gaius Baltar came in, he leaned forward with a smile, because this was the one loose end left to tie up. And when he saw the look on Gaius's face, his smile widened. This… this look from Gaius was what he'd wanted for Gods only knew how long, and for once… for once Felix Gaeta was finally going to get what he wanted.

***

Tom half-expected that Laura would come in to gloat, but instead, it was Adama. He entered bearing two documents, the ink barely dried, Lee Adama in tow. Tom put his feet up on Adama's sofa. Hey, if the man was going to kill him anyway, he might as well.

"What, no President?" Tom asked. "I would have thought Laura would be salivating at the thought of pushing the airlock button."

"The President is not a particularly good shot," Adama said sourly, putting the documents in front of Tom. Tom idly pulled them forward, seeing that they were execution orders for himself and Felix. Firing squad. He also noted that the date, time, and place listed were the same, and that made him breathe a little easier.

"Well, that all appears to be in order," Tom said. He would not show fear or regret to this asshole in front of him. "You do realize, only ten ships were willing to follow her. Ten out of thirty five. The rest were coming with us. You've got your work cut out for you."

"Shut up."

Tom shrugged, and then glanced at the clock. "So I've got an hour or so to kill, I see?"

"Funny," Adama said. "Do you want a priest?"

Tom shook his head. "Not at all."

Adama nodded, and stood up to leave. "There are guards posted outside, but I assume you knew that." He glared at Tom. "And I hope you know that I am holding you responsible for the fact that I have to execute my Senior Officer of the Watch."

Tom sat back up, putting his feet on the floor. "You think that I recruited him," he said slowly. Adama nodded, just a little, and Tom let out a little chuckle. "No. No, Admiral, Felix Gaeta came to me.

"You think they're all your kids. Your family. That they all look to you as a father, as a surrogate parent. But they aren’t, and they don't. Felix Gaeta wasn't your son… he was mine. And I couldn't be prouder of him, and of the sacrifices he made for what he believed in, if he was my own child by flesh and blood."

Adama stared at him, and then made a disgusted noise and turned away and left the room. But Lee lingered. "Do you want me to stay?"

"If you want," Tom said, shrugging. "It's your decision."

Lee settled across from him. "My father would have executed Gaeta no matter what you said," he told Tom. "He was just hoping to get under your skin."

"I know," Tom said, but he couldn't deny a shiver of relief that passed through him at Lee's words.

Lee gave a wry smile. "You know, there are ways I almost wish you had won. You're right about a lot of things."

"Well, bear that in mind when you assume the throne."

"Can I ask you something?" Lee said, and Tom spread his hands in a go ahead gesture. "Why did you give my father a trial? That's the one thing I don't understand. If you hadn't, if you had just shot him… you might have won."

"I know. That's what I wanted to do," Tom admitted. Lee cringed, but Tom didn't care. Let him be squeamish. That was the thing about Lee. Lee was full of grand rhetoric and pretty phrases, but when it came down to it, Lee never would have done what was necessary. Too messy. Lee would sacrifice his life, but he wouldn't sacrifice his soul. "I didn't want the trial. Felix did."

"But why let him?" Lee asked. "Tactically, it was a mistake, and you knew it. And it couldn't have just been the support. You could have easily made it look like the Admiral was killed trying to escape. Why?"

Tom looked at his hands, and then looked up at Lee. "Your father is not the only one with his children," he said. "We all have our favorites. We all coddle them, give them special treatment, make exceptions that we wouldn't make for anyone else. Adama loves Starbuck, so he gives her second chances, he gives her ships, he gives her command. Laura loves you, so she gives you training, gives you her sanction, gives you her Presidency. Adama loves Helo so he turns a blind eye, he loves Sharon so he gives her a position in the Fleet, he loves you so he gives you a battlestar.

"I wasn't lying when I said Felix is mine. My weakness, my favorite. I didn't want it to be personal, but it has been, for a long time. But I have no power, no gifts to hand out. I love Felix, and all I had to give him was a slim chance for a new world and a mockery of a trial."

Lee nodded and looked away. Tom wondered what was percolating through his brain. If Lee had only joined them… he wondered if Adama would have executed his own son.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture. He'd taken it off the board in his office just in case, and right now, he was glad he did. He looked at it, smoothing the fraying edges and the creases, and saw himself and Felix, smiling in the New Caprican sun. He handed it to Lee, who took it with surprise.

"The time won't be right immediately," Tom said. "But when it is, use that picture, will you?"

Lee nodded. "I will."

***

The hour passed, and Adama and Tigh and the Marines came. They began the walk down to the launch tube. As they passed an officer's quarters, they stopped long enough to add Felix and Baltar to their procession. The procession slowed considerably.

They passed a row of Marines guarding prisoners in flexcuffs. Tom spotted Racetrack. Her chin was thrust out defiantly, and as he passed, she reached out and touched his hand. A small touch of comfort, and that was all. He took her hand and squeezed it, and smiled at her. He wondered how many of these mutineers Adama planned to execute as well. He got his answer when he saw Noel Allison and two Marines salute Felix. They were pulled out of the line, and Tom realized those were three more for the firing squads.

They had started with Lee walking beside him and Baltar walking beside Felix, but as they neared the launch tube and the corridor narrowed, walking four abreast became too difficult. Lee silently dropped back, and Tom, Felix and Baltar walked together, none of them saying a word. Their steps were slow and measured to keep pace with Felix's agonized progress, but slow and measured was right for a funeral procession, anyway.

And then they were there.

Tom looked at Felix, and at Baltar, who looked at them both. And for a moment, the three of them stood in the cold sunshine of New Caprica, champagne in hand. Tom could feel the breeze again, and he smiled at Felix. This was the second time they'd tried to build something wonderful, and it had worked out no better than the first.

The Marines pulled him and Felix away, and tied them to the chairs. Adama looked like he expected a struggle, but they'd both been ready to die for their beliefs from the beginning. Actually having it put to the test was a small matter, it seemed.

Tom had always known he'd die like this. Die by a gunshot, for whatever were considered his crimes. He was at peace with this, and as he looked over, he saw that Felix was, too. He smiled, one last time, and Felix smiled back. Then together, they turned to face the guns proudly.

The guns rang out, and neither of them knew anything more.


***

There was a breeze. A warm breeze and the feeling of waking up from a long sleep. He heard water lapping against a boat, smelled the sea. The darkness lightened, and green filled his vision.

Two figures stood on the bank; a beautiful girl in a black dress and a young man in a suit. They were smiling, waiting, and the girl held flowers.

Next to him, Tom heard laughter.

He turned his head and saw Felix, his uniform jacket crisp with sharp creases, standing on two legs. He waved, and then turned and smiled at Tom with happiness in his eyes.

The girl was Anastasia Dualla, the man was Billy Keikeya. They were young and happy in the sunlight.

"Felix!" Dee called, waving her flowers. "Come home!"

And then Felix was off the boat, Dee in his arms as he swung her around. Tom watched them, and for a moment, he felt envious. But then his own feet were on the grass, and Billy Keikeya was smiling at him, hand extended.

"It's an honor," he said proudly, "to see you again, Mr. Zarek." And Tom knew it was Tom Zarek, freedom fighter, that was being welcomed.

The bank was suddenly filled with people. The first few he looked at he didn't recognize, but Felix obviously did. But then he turned, and he saw faces he knew but hadn't seen in over twenty five years.

His parents. His siblings. Friends. People who had died on Sagittaron, long before the Cylons had a chance to kill them. The sunshine warmed his shoulders and these faces warmed his heart, and he felt himself melting into the heart of a family again.

They melted away, and he went with them. He felt it, he knew he was still with them, and they were near to him and they'd never be separated again. And yet, once again, he stood on that bank, alone with Felix Gaeta. Felix smiled at him with nothing but joy, and Tom reached out and ruffled his curls.

"We're home. We finally made it home."

Comments

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

I'm reading this through my fingers...

Felix's realization over the Quorum massacre. SPOT. ON. Oh, Felix.

I really liked the "wake up" moment. I wondered what Felix was thining right then. This gave me chills. He may have died on the Raptor, but that's when he truly loosed the silver thread.

*wail!* Louis saying goodbye...I'm broken.

awww, reunited with Dee...*sniffle* thank you for giving us that moment!!

I've been simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this...and just as I got to their last walk to the airlock, my CD player got to "The Shape of Things to Come." What synchronicity! I think you might finally have given me closure.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I hope you enjoyed it- I was really glad to put this one to bed. I know exactly how you feel... this was a hard chapter to write (although I think more because I HAD to deal with so much canon.)

::hugs Felix, because the end of his life sucked.::

And yeah, I HAD to do the afterlife epilogue. Hey- the afterlife is canon, baby. CANON! :)

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

I think you need to write some CIC geek humour to cleanse your palate!

*hugs Felix too, because he breaks my heart*

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Heh. I should! Actually, Dee and Hoshi are telling me they've waited long enough, thank you, and they want their story NOW. (I have this one idea for a scene that comes much later that won't leave me alone, where they're both post-sickbay and supposed to be "slowly ambling" around the Galactica, but end up chasing each other through the halls until one of them hides behind Felix and he yells at both of them because he KNOWS they're not supposed to be acting like that.)

::must make a Dee-Hoshi icon::

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

Listen to Hoshi and Dee, for lo, they are wise. :-D

[tin-o-biscuits.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I was on the verge of tears through the whole thing, but the very end completely broke me. When they remake BSG again, you HAVE to write for it. I have spoken.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[falafel-musings.livejournal.com]

Congratz for finishing this! It really has been epic. I can see why you struggled to write this last part since you were having to weave it around established canon scenes, but there were so many cool clever details you added.

I loved the 'lose end' riff. How if Adama was Gaetas lose end then Roslin was Zareks, even though it would have been easier for them to switch. Great observation that Zarek had admired Roslin as a leader as much as Gaeta admired Adama. And I loved that in the end Baltar was really the only lose end that Felix wanted to tie up before his life was ended.

I always felt like I understood Gaeta's feelings and doubts at every stage of the mutiny. Zarek is more difficult for me to fathom, but I think you did a brilliant job of justifying his decisions, without seeming defensive or apologist about this character. I think Zarek is absolutely right that if they had succeed their fight would have been called a revolution, much like the rebels on New Caprica were called 'the resistance' even as they violently tore down an oppressive human/cylon government too (which back then was termed as 'collaboration' not 'alliance') Zarek is so right that history is written by the winners and it is horrifying in BSG how characters can get away with such hypocrisy with this kind of spin. I like that Zarek saw through it all. I also loved Zarek's cutting insightful line to Lee about him "assuming the throne".

With all the revenge, anger, corruption and chaos I still love Felix's moment of calm surrender, as he finds peace in losing, peace in death, letting go of all the rage he held against himself and others. The fact that he almost says 'thank you' to Adama is heartbreaking. So in character.

*raises champagne glass* To 'Youths Final Luxury'!! I'm so pleased you continued this and finished your Felix/Tom fanon. You've done yourself proud.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm so glad this chapter is done. I admit I'm not super crazy about all of it, because I HATE working with the canon scenes, but I'm just glad it's done.

And I loved that in the end Baltar was really the only lose end that Felix wanted to tie up before his life was ended.

Yeah. That scene in canon was SO powerful, and so perfect... I wanted to make sure nothing in this stepped on that. (It's also why I didn't even try to play with it. I didn't think I could work it in seemlessly and well or do it justice.) I was so glad when I realized Hoshi would be in the brig when Felix got there. I wanted to give Hoshi a little tiny bit of closure because I love the guy, glorified extra that he is :) But at the same time, I didn't want to change the fact that Gaeta's real last words were to Baltar. That was right, and I admit it's one of the reasons I sort of wish they'd never given Gaeta anyone at all.

I always felt like I understood Gaeta's feelings and doubts at every stage of the mutiny. Zarek is more difficult for me to fathom, but I think you did a brilliant job of justifying his decisions, without seeming defensive or apologist about this character.

Thank you! That was actually the other problem I had with this chapter. I think that the show actually covered Gaeta's thoughts and feelings pretty well. We saw a lot of his process, and the mutiny was really The Gaeta Story. But like you've said before, Tom kind of got short shifted, especially with the difference between the Hatch and the Moore characterizations. My Tom muse- much like Tom himself- Would. Not. Shut. Up. My Gaeta muse kept telling me "I already said that. Remember?" Which is fine, but it's been a balanced perspective for the whole story, so the last chapter... sigh.

*raises champagne glass* To 'Youths Final Luxury'!! I'm so pleased you continued this and finished your Felix/Tom fanon. You've done yourself proud.

Thank you! Now on to Dee and Hoshi! (Right now they're a lot less angsty anyway! :) ) And thanks for reading- I'm so glad you've enjoyed this.

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

When I saw this was posted, I couldn't bring myself to read it at first, because then it would be over. I also didn't know if I could handle reading it at that exact moment, so I went back and reread the whole series, trying to put it off.

You did a nice job of playing that obnoxious game with navigating canon, but my favorite parts were the ones you wrote all on your own. Pretty much everything past the weapons hold had me sick and shaky. The last moment with Louis was killer. "Remember us," I swear I nearly cried. If I weren't in the middle of the computer lab, I may have given myself a moment to do so.

There was something ridiculously delightful about Tom at the end. Like, he had me smiling through my heartbreak at his utter refusal to play nice with Adama. And giving him a final moment with Lee was great, an awesome parallel between Lee and Tom and Lee and Laura looking around the Quorum room in the aftermath.

And the very last moment, the one with Baltar and Gaeta and Zarek all recalling New Caprica, that was such a punch in the gut. Those three men went through so much together, and then there at the end, they let whatever animosity and grudges had built up go- loved that you let Tom in on that as well.

The afterlife epilogue was sweet, and yet it somehow managed to depress me ever further. This is probably issue and not yours, really, but the last line broke me into tiny little pieces.

Ok. Shaking myself off now. I loved it a lot, and god, right now I am trying to recover from the sudden angst shower of the Gaeta community. I'm such an emotional masochist on this subject.

ANWYAY. Well done, and now it can be Hoshi/Dee times please? I need something fun to cheer me up now. :)?

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)

You did a nice job of playing that obnoxious game with navigating canon, but my favorite parts were the ones you wrote all on your own.

Those were my favorite parts, too. :) I HATE dealing with canon- I like writing the scenes that canon didn't show. But canon gave me SO much for these two... I really couldn't believe it. I went back and reread the first part, which I wrote before seeing any of the mutiny arc, and was REALLY amused at some of the speeches Zarek had there. :)

ANWYAY. Well done, and now it can be Hoshi/Dee times please? I need something fun to cheer me up now. :)?

If I don't let it be Dee-Hoshi time, they will toss me out the window. Since I made you cry, have a peace offering??? :) (Although it's Dee and Tigh.)

"Lieutenant Dualla," a familiar voice said.

She wiped her face and turned around. "Colonel."

Tigh took her in, and then cracked a rare smile. He actually smiled. "Come have a drink, Lieutenant," he said, in a tone that Dee had rarely heard from him.

"Yes, sir," she said, falling in behind him.

He led her into his quarters and gestured to a chair and settled down across from her. There was no desk between them, and Dee felt like a child being given her first glass of wine as Tigh handed her the glass of whiskey. He took a sip, and then glanced at her and she did the same. She managed not to make a face at the bitter taste, and he smiled in approval.

"So," he said, "which one's giving you the trouble?"

"Sir?" she asked, surprised.

"Mine was Hershem," Tigh said, a little grin playing around the corners of his mouth. "He was the tactical officer when I was promoted. Found a way to deliberately misinterpret everything I'd say. Caused no small amount of trouble, I can tell you that. So which one is it?"

"Lieutenant Hoshi," Dee admitted.

"Hoshi, huh?" Tigh grunted. "Doesn't really seem the type. Wouldn't think he had it in him."

Dee shook her head once. "Frankly, sir? He's a complete bitch."

Tigh chuckled. "Well then, that should be easy enough. Just deal with him like you'd deal with Gaeta."

Dee snickered and took another sip of her drink. "Believe me, sir, he's worse than Gaeta. Gaeta at least tries- tried-" she amended, "to be professional. Hoshi doesn't even make a pretense at it."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know," Dee admitted. "He's got this trick of being insubordinate but rarely doing anything provable or punishable. I can't toss him in the brig, I don't have the authority to demote him, and I certainly know better than to mention it to Lee."

"Good girl," Tigh said with a nod. He took another swallow of his drink thoughtfully. "Most people in the CIC worked pretty hard to get there," he said. "You can't demote him, but you can make his life miserable."

"I've been trying," she said. "Kitchen duty and-"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, no, no. Get creative. Kitchen duty is expected. You've got to find something that really takes him off guard. Something that's really… painful. Find out more about him, what makes him tick." His eyes twinkled over his glass. "Believe me, I have a punishment in mind for every one of the crew, and most of 'em are different."

They smiled at each other, and Dee wondered if she'd joined the dark side. But she saw exactly what Tigh meant, and exactly why kitchen duty wouldn't get her very far. "Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome."

She knocked back the rest of her whiskey with a smoothness that made him smile wider. "Sir?" she asked finally. "What happened to Hershem?"

"They still haven't found the body," Tigh said seriously, and then flashed a smile. "Nah, he was eventually promoted on a different battlestar. It all worked out in the end."

That actually made her feel much better. Dee stood up. "Thank you for the drink, Colonel," she said, and he patted her shoulder.

"You're welcome," he said. "We XOs have to stick together. It's a lonely position, Dee, but you're the right one for it. You'll show him, and when yow show him, you'll show them all."

***

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

I read this fic for the first time I think just a couple of weeks post-mutiny, so reading your Zarek while the wounds were still fresh was painful and made me smile all at once, because it was kind of creepy how well it worked, even though I knew you'd written it before.

This made me giggle aloud! I never would have thought of Tigh giving Dee advice on being XO, but it's wonderful. The dark side indeed, Dee my girl! And there is the little tease you put in, leaving me wondering what sort of awesome, creative punishment she is going to dish out to dear Louis.

This little preview of things to come has me all stoked to see some Underhanded!Dee and Bitch!Hoshi facing it off, and then forming an insane, unholy alliance with Snarky!Felix. Galactica won't know what hit them. :)

Thank you for this. It was much needed. ♥

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEE.

You may send your boys out here and I'll watch them for you so you have more writing time. :o) You don't mind if they play with Bunsen burners and bacteria, do you?

[mylla.livejournal.com]

Just thought now was a good time to let you know that I've been reading this and really looking forward to this final chapter! I really like all your stories, and if I was better at leaving feedback I'd have already said that (sorry).

I have to say, I particularly love your characterisation of Zarek, since I happen to really love him and not too many people seem to write him. Your characterisation is just spot-on with how I see him.

Anyway, thanks for such a great story, and I'll be looking forward to more (even if I'm terrible at leaving comments!)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Wow, cool! Thank you so much- I alway forget that not everyone reading comments, so it's always a huge lift when someone says "hey, by the way..." I'm really glad you've read it and enjoyed it.

And VERY glad to meet another Zarek fan as well. He's such a fascinating character... I really wish he'd gotten a bit more time in the series. Did you read the manga that came out- the Echoes of New Caprica one?

Thanks so much! :)

[mylla.livejournal.com]

No, I haven't - I came across some descriptions of some of those on the Battlestar Wiki (I think) but wasn't even sure where to look to find them. (I'm a pretty new BSG fan, as in I only started at the beginning a few months ago.)

Yeah, I don't do much writing myself but I've been (privately) playing around with a scene or two that required me to get into Zarek's head, and I was completely surprised at how much I enjoyed it, since I'd originally thought I didn't like him. Heh. And I really wished he'd had more screentime too, but I am convinced he did an awful lot of string-pulling off camera. This is why we need more fic about him!

Also, you're totally welcome!

[lobselvith8.livejournal.com]

I was still hoping that they weren't going to die when it came to part 2, but I loved that Felix and Tom had a place to belong in the end. They tried to turn fix a broken world, and I still see them as misunderstood heroes. Great story.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I know, I so didn't want to kill them- it still hurt. ::Sigh:: They really did try, they just went about it so wrong. Of course, I'm not sure how they could have done it right, either, given how well those in power were listening.

Thanks for reading! :)

[kappamaki33.livejournal.com]

A great ending to a great epic. Of course there was much lower-lip wibbling at Hoshi's good-bye, but I really loved Zarek and Lee's last scene, too. Without ever coming out and saying it, you brought in all the tension of Zarek's almost-but-not-quite mentor-mentee relationship with Lee back in the early seasons as a foil for the Zarek-Gaeta relationship, which I really like; Lee has to have left that room wondering at least a little about his own choices. And Narcho and Racetrack--guh, broke my heart, too, as did Tom, Felix, and Gaius all standing together one last time and recalling New Caprica. Thank goodness the afterlife is canon, or I would've been a weepy mess at the end of this!

Congratulations!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I was really glad to put this one to bed :)

It's interesting, with Zarek and Lee. I really wonder if there was a time Lee was meant to play the part Gaeta did, and Gaeta was meant to be the Admiral on Earth. Everything fits just right that it could have been. I'd firmly believe that that's how it was supposed to go, but RDM couldn't bring himself to kill Lee (or have Adama have to kill his own son or be that big a hypocrite), so they did it to Gaeta instead. (Although I think it would have been fascinating if it had been Gaeta and Lee leading it together.)

I was glad the afterlife was canon, too. It hurt a lot less to kill them, then :)

Thanks! :)

[millari.livejournal.com]

Wow, this last bit was so lovely, I'm sorry I took so long to get to it.

You know, reading this last chapter, and seeing the bits where Baltar, Gaeta and Zarek are together again in the shadow of New Caprica made me realize anew how much ground you have covered in this fic. It's kind of astounding when I think about it. What an accomplishment!

I loved the Hoshi good bye scene (especially when Hoshi saluted Adama and asked for his orders just after he'd kissed Felix so passionately in front of them all), the argument between Felix and Adama about why he should/shouldn't be allowed to see Baltar. It was oddly a bit like the kind of argument a teenager would have with his father, actually, in the way that kids sometimes insist on the truth of something that both parent and child know the parent isn't buying. Except that here, the child wins and gets what he wants, not the parent. It really sort of fit then, that you portrayed Felix immediately afterwards, when Gaius arrives, as practically giddy like a kid when he sees Baltar's expression. He's like that kid who for once, has won the day and gotten exactly his way.

I really liked the idea that Zarek had a long time ago come to terms with his own violent death, and so had no fear and/or groveling when the time came. The bit where he put his feet on Adama's furniture stayed with me, because it was such a perfect little symbol of that attitude of his.

Also, the moment where Racetrack touch Zarek's hand was touching too. A tiny little beat, but very memorable.

And awww, the epilogue! There is no other word for it. Nearly broke me.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much- I'm so glad you enjoyed this!

I was thinking about how far this fic came the other day. And I think about it every now and then whenever I look at A Lot to Live Up To, which is set in the same universe (not that it really ends up mattering much so far). Just the length of these things... wow, I'm wordy ;) 20,000 for big bang? HA!! :)

I'm glad you liked the Hoshi scene as well. I was really pleased with it- I desperately wanted to give them a chance to say goodbye, but I didn't want to change the fact that Felix's last real words were to Gaius. That scene with Gaius in canon is so beautiful and so powerful... it's actually one of the reasons I wish they hadn't given Felix Hoshi. Obviously they were supposed to be pretty serious, but the fact it's never addressed in the actual series... it just doesn't fit right together. (Plus, I still think it would have been... interesting, anyway, if they'd tried to plug Tom into that slot in the webisodes. But it wouldn't have quite worked, and given their age difference I think it would have made Tom look sleazy. Which means RDM is probably kicking himself for not having thought of it.)

I'm so pleased any time I see someone hit the finish line here; thanks so much for reading my baby! I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)

Thanks so much!