FIC: A Lot to Live Up To (Part 6)
Jun. 5th, 2009 07:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantTitle: A Lot to Live Up To, Part 6
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and Hoshi
Pairings: Dee/Lee, eventual Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho in the background.
Summary: Dee's got a secret, and she's not the only one.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Measure of Salvation
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome betatrovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Blood. Dee sighed, staring at it, and then hitched her pants up. Great. She grabbed her cup out of the pocket of her BDUs and was out of the head in minutes, swearing to herself. She rejoined Noel where he was sitting in a corner of the hangar bay, playing with a few pieces of metal.
"I know I've said it a million times in the past month," Noel sighed, "but I really miss my motorcycle."
"I know," Dee said mournfully. "I do, too." Which was only a fraction of the truth. What she really missed was this time with Noel, sitting and talking and creating something, just the two of them. But she was seeing less of Noel these days, with the full roster of pilots training and the Cylons an immediate threat again, and her own duties and husband keeping her busy.
Noel sifted through the broken metal pieces and selected one. "You sound like you're in a good mood."
"My period just started," she admitted. Noel winced. "What was that about?" Dee demanded.
Noel considered her, and then shrugged. "I'm going to go with the safe answer and say 'periods are gross, eww, girl stuff.'" Dee glared at him and he sighed. "I still think you're nuts. Have you thought about the fact that it's not like New Caprica, and we're on the run again?"
"Yeah. I'm not stupid." Dee drew her knees up and rested her cheek on them, watching Noel play with the metal. "What are you making, anyway?" she asked.
"You'll see," Noel said with a glint in his eye. "Although I won't finish it tonight. You know," he continued, concentrating very hard on the screwdriver he was using, "if you're worried that he's going to cheat on you with… someone, a baby probably won't stop him. He knows cheating is wrong already. It doesn't work like that."
"I know," Dee said, thinking of Billy and trying not to throw up. "Believe me, I know."
Noel put down his work and met her eyes. "Yeah," he sighed, "I do, too."
***
"Dee, are you going on duty now?" Felix asked.
"No, Sian's on. Why?"
"Good. We need a fourth for triad. Come on."
"All right. Who else is playing?"
"Hoshi and Helo."
Dee decided she could put up with Hoshi for the tradeoff of Helo and Felix, and nodded. "Sure, I'll join in."
"Great."
Helo and Hoshi were sitting at a table in the corner of the rec room, a bottle of clear liquid between them, Hoshi laughing at something Helo was saying. They looked up as she and Felix joined them, Helo brightening and Hoshi becoming a little more guarded.
"Hey, Dee," Helo said. "Can I pour you a drink?"
The one advantage of not being pregnant was that Dee could say, "Sure," without any guilt. She sat down and Felix shuffled and began dealing. "Where's Sharon?"
"She's on shuttle duty," Helo said proudly. "By the way, you might want to be gentle with that husband of yours tonight. I beat him into submission pretty good."
"You're doing a good job of it," Felix commented. "When you're done with Lee, you could always move on. Start a business. Get a few more guys ripped."
"In the interest of the Fleet, of course," Hoshi agreed innocently.
"Right," Felix said, nodding. "Better fitness means better response times and better readiness for Cylon attacks."
Helo stared at them. "You two think you're being subtle, but you're not."
"Not at all," Hoshi said, taking a sip of whatever was in that bottle. "But we live in the CIC. Sorry, I know you guys respect them, but Tigh and Adama just don't figure in as eye candy."
Dee couldn't help giggling at that, until Felix grinned wryly. "Especially with Tigh drunk off his ass most of the time," he said bitterly. He and Hoshi exchanged meaningful glances, and Hoshi touched his arm. Dee wondered what exactly Hoshi knew about the Circle. The thought that he might know something made her unexpectedly angry, because although Felix knew she was aware of it, he'd never actually told her about it.
Helo cleared his throat. "Are we going to play or what?" he asked.
"You're right," Dee said, with an element of forced cheerfulness. "Let's play."
On the surface, the game seemed completely ordinary. But Dee couldn't help noticing that Felix directed a lot of his remarks to Hoshi, and Hoshi seemed to find the majority of them funny. And that his laughter bolstered Felix, putting confidence in his eyes that Dee hadn't seen since New Caprica. She also noticed that they left together when they were done playing, although it was only to discuss the jump protocol in greater depth.
"Ten cubits says that they're together in a month," Helo offered as he and Dee sat alone at the table.
"No way," Dee said, even though she suspected he was right. "Hoshi's not Felix's type."
"No," Helo agreed, "he's actually a decent guy. Gods, do you remember that Viper pilot Felix had a thing for… what was his name? Gunner?"
Dee looked at Helo. "Hoshi's a bastard, too" she pointed out.
"I keep forgetting that you two don't get along," Helo said. "He's really a good guy, Dee."
"It sounds like you know him well," Dee said suspiciously.
Helo shrugged. "I've seen him around the card tables and the CIC. And he and Felix have been becoming close fast."
"So I gathered," Dee said sourly.
"It's good for Felix," Helo reminded her. "He doesn't exactly have many friends aboard the Galactica since New Caprica."
"I know," Dee said. Helo had a way of looking at her that made her feel guilty for even thinking like this. "I just don't want to see Felix get hurt. Not so soon after the Cir… after everything he's been through."
Helo shrugged. "I'm not saying it's all going to be hearts and flowers and love forever between them," he said, "but I'm betting if they get together and it doesn't work out, it will be for normal reasons. Not because Felix has yet again managed to find some frak who will completely wring him dry."
Dee decided that Helo wasn't seeing her point, and arguing it any more would make her look like a petulant child. "You're right," she agreed, "I do have a blind spot where Hoshi's concerned." She bit her lip. "Hey, can I ask you a personal question?"
Helo shrugged. "Sure."
"Have you and Sharon thought about trying for another child?"
If it wasn't Helo, Dee never would have had the guts to ask- not after what he and Sharon had been through already. But Helo studied her carefully before answering, and she suspected he guessed her true motive in asking. "We've been trying," he finally confessed. "It just hasn't happened yet."
"What about the fact it is so dangerous now?" Dee asked.
Helo shrugged. "The way I look at it, that's all the more reason to have a child. If something happens to her, I want to be able to have something of her to hold on to forever. It's hard, yeah, but it's… it's hope, too. And everyone needs that."
"But life in the Fleet-"
"It's not easy," Helo agreed. "But even back on Caprica… there are always risks. I read somewhere that deciding to have kids is like walking forever with your heart outside your body. Having lost a child, I'd say yeah, that's true. But even in the little time I had her…" Helo smiled sadly. "I'd risk all this just to have that happiness again. And so would Sharon."
Dee nodded and stared hard at the table. "Thanks," she said, blinking her eyes rapidly. She got her face composed and then looked up at him. "Shall we play another hand?"
Helo smiled at her. "Sure," he said, sliding the cards to her, "but you deal. I can't shuffle for shit."
***
"You look tired," Dee said when Lee came in that night.
"I'm always tired these days," Lee admitted. He smiled at her, that careless smile that she'd fallen head over heels for. "Helo wears me out."
"You look good," Dee admitted, sitting up on the bed.
Lee gave a small chuckle. "I wasn't sure if you noticed."
"Of course I noticed," Dee said, standing up and coming over to put her arms around his neck. "But I love you no matter what you look like."
"Mmm, is that so?" Lee asked. He picked her up and set her on the table, wrapping her legs around his waist. He smiled again. "We fit together better."
"Doesn't matter," Dee insisted. The truth was she did notice, but the timing was right and she was determined, and the last thing she wanted to do was put Lee off. "You always fit with me."
They eventually found their way to the bed, and afterwards Dee lay in the circle of Lee's arms, buoyed and happy. "I feel like everything's settling down," Dee said cheerfully. "The CIC's almost back to normal."
"Come whip the Air Group into shape then," Lee groaned. He propped up on an elbow. "After what you did to the Pegasus crew, I'll bet that you could. Do you know that between you and Major Shaw, there are hulking men from the Pegasus that now cry when a small, dark-haired woman speaks sharply to them?"
"Stop," Dee said, picking up a pillow and hitting Lee with it.
"It's true," Lee insisted, even if his voice was muffled by the pillow. "You've struck fear into their hearts." He pushed the pillow aside and grabbed Dee's arms, pulling her on top of him. "You," he said, and punctuated his words with kisses, "did great. You do great."
She'd completely understood Helo's words earlier, but as she looked into Lee's smiling face, they came back to her with a power that made her soul tremble. This was why she wanted a baby… so she could feel this happiness forever.
She kissed him again.
***
Dee wasn't joking when she'd said the CIC was almost back to normal, and life on Galactica fell into a sort of daily rhythm, interrupted by the occasional Cylon skirmish or jump. There was a small sensation when the Outlander developed FTL trouble and a nasty training accident that left two Raptor pilots wounded, but those were balanced out by one of the chemists figuring out a new process for an artificial sweetener and the birth of a set of twins. And two weeks after he'd begun it, Noel finished his invention.
"So, what exactly is this little project of yours?" Dee asked.
"Come on," Noel said. "We need a hallway."
"This isn't going to get me in trouble, is it?" Dee asked suspiciously.
"Nah. If it blows up, it will only be a small explosion," Noel said. He opened his bag and pulled out a little metal… car, Dee guessed, made out of scrap metal and bits of rubber. Noel had painted it red, and although it resembled no vehicle she'd ever seen, it did have four wheels, and a remote control.
"Watch," Noel said gleefully, pushing a button on the control.
The little car-thing began to zoom down the hall.
"No way!" Dee laughed. "How did you get Chief to give you parts for this?"
"Well," Noel sighed, "I have to hand it over to his kid afterwards."
"You're kidding."
"Not really. I told him what I wanted to do, and that if he'd let me just have the stuff to work with, just to keep my hands in until we find Earth, then I'd give anything I made to the kids. Do you have any idea how much life sucks if you're a kid in this Fleet?"
"This isn't starting with the baby thing again, is it?" Dee began.
"Didn't say that, but if you want to draw your own inferences, be my guest," Noel said. He zoomed the car further down the hall. "Look at the range I've got on this thing!"
Dee was about to answer when they heard laughter from behind them. She turned, smiling automatically. Felix and Hoshi were walking down the hall together. They were very close, the backs of their hands brushing against each other, and when they got closer, Dee noticed that Hoshi's lips were very red and Felix's cheeks had the telltale glow of a person who had been kissing someone with stubble. They saw Dee and stopped, Hoshi cutting off mid-laugh.
"Hey, Dee," Felix greeted her, but he didn't seem like he wanted to pause. The little red car came zooming up, circling around Felix's feet and then around Hoshi's. Hoshi looked down.
"You're kidding," he said, looking at Noel. Noel was standing, watching, an unreadable expression on his face as he worked the remote control. "Do you mind?" Hoshi asked, looking back at Felix. "I'll only be a minute."
"Go ahead," Felix said, pulling Dee over out of the hall.
"You look happy," Dee commented.
Felix flushed, but the expression on his face was entirely too smug. "Yeah, well," he said, and then winked. "I haven't had fun having sex since Skulls, and that ended before Founder's Day." He leered at her. "And believe me, I think this is going to be fun."
"Ew. I don't need to know that," Dee said, shoving him. "You haven't had sex since Skulls?"
"No, I said I haven't had fun having sex." But Felix's smile cooled a notch. Dee suddenly realized just how rare Felix's smiles had been since New Caprica, and backtracked.
"Think you can get him away from Noel's new toy?"
"Sure. Believe me, there are any number of suggestions I can give him that will pry him away immediately." The light returned to Felix's smile, and his eyes lingered on Hoshi. "In fact, I think I'll go do so." He winked at her, and then walked over and whispered something in Hoshi's ear. Hoshi's eyes widened, and he smiled that smile that lit up his entire face and transformed him completely.
"Here," he told Noel, handing him the remote. "I'll see you later."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Noel shouted after them. "Not that that limits you much."
Dee looked at Noel curiously as he watched them go, especially as Hoshi's fingers threaded through Felix's. "You okay?" she asked him.
"What? Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure," he said, and then narrowed his eyes. "I don't know much about Gaeta," he said, "except for what I've heard around the ship. Not much on him. Is he a good guy?"
"Yes," Dee said emphatically. She watched them go. "And he's had enough to deal with. Hoshi'd better not hurt him."
Noel snorted. "Like I have any control over that?"
"He hurt you," Dee ventured.
"No," Noel said, "he threw me out on my ass after I hurt him. Come on, Dee, don't you know me well enough by now to figure out I was the asshole in that relationship?"
Dee shrugged, but she had to admit she wasn't shocked. "What did you do?"
"Cheated," Noel said briefly, and then picked up his car. "Come on. Let's give this little baby a full test run."
Dee looked down the hallway where Felix and Hoshi had disappeared one more time, and then put on a bright smile and nodded.
***
Dee wiped her face on her towel and then stepped into the officer's lockers. The hot steam of showers felt good on her sore muscles, even before she got in. She was absolutely exhausted, despite the fact she'd only run half as far as she normally did. She stepped into the shower and let the water run over her. She was almost done when she heard it.
Someone was humming.
It wasn't extremely tuneful, but it was someone being happy. Ever since the Exodus two months ago, that wasn't a sound that Dee heard often. She smiled and turned off the water.
When she stepped out, she saw the culprit; Hoshi was standing at the sinks in his tanks and his duty blues pants, hair still wet from the shower, shaving.
"You're in a good mood," Dee said, pulling on her clothing.
Hoshi smiled evilly. "Well, I have reason to be."
"Yeah, I know. Have you and Felix gotten out of bed for the past two days?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Not really." Dee began to pull a comb through her wet hair.
Hoshi smirked, and then recoiled. "Frak!" He glared down at his razor, and then at the place where blood was welling on his chin. "Frakking piece of… wish we could get some new razors." He wiped at the cut. "By the way," he said after Dee had finished combing out her hair, "you left the scrambler on when you left yesterday."
"I did not," Dee said. "I didn't even send a scrambled call."
"It was on."
"It was not!"
"Frak it!" Hoshi shouted, and Dee jumped back in surprise. He glared into the mirror, still applying pressure to his chin. "Would you admit for two seconds I actually know my job?"
"Only if you admit that I know mine!"
"I never said you didn't!"
"Oh, sleeping her way into the XO position doesn't ring a bell?"
Hoshi glared at her. "I just said you left the scrambler on. That's all."
The door banged open, and a pair of pilots entered the room. Dee pulled her hair into a ponytail and buttoned her jacket. "Whatever," she said crossly. "Don't be late this time relieving me. The only reason I covered for you yesterday was because Felix was late, too."
"Whatever," Hoshi mimicked.
Dee glared at him one more time, and then stomped out the hatch. She had duty. The last thing she saw was Hoshi leaning over the mirror, still trying to get his chin to stop bleeding.
***
Six hours later, Dee stared at the calendar, her heart pounding as she tapped a pen against the tactical manual that Hoshi had left at their station. She couldn't remember the date her last period had started, and her current one was either due in two days or two days late, or somewhere in between. She chewed her lip, desperately trying to remember.
"Dee."
Dee looked up from her station, eyes wide with surprise. Hoshi almost always called her Dualla or Lieutenant. "What?" she asked.
"I have a favor to ask." Hoshi shifted uncomfortably. "Will you cover my shift tomorrow?"
"Why?"
Hoshi glanced down towards the CIC floor. "I'd rather not say."
Dee sighed. "I'm not working a double just so you can get back on the same schedule as Felix."
She expected a retort. She didn't get one. Hoshi just looked at her, his eyes wide. "Please," was all he said. "I've got a bottle of wine that I've been saving that-"
"All right," Dee sighed. "If it means that much, I'll do it for nothing. But only because it will make Felix happy."
"Thanks," he said, and leaned over to pick up the manual he'd left.
"There's something on your collar," Dee said, only noticing it because of the proximity and the light.
"Yeah, I know," Hoshi said. "It's blood. Thanks again, Dee. I'll see you later."
Dee watched him go. Then she turned back to her station and her calendar. This was driving her crazy, and she really wanted to know if she was pregnant or not. She'd better call Cottle, just in case.
***
She couldn't call Cottle right away, because there was the matter of the Cylon prisoners and the virus that offered hope for all of humanity. Her period still didn't appear, but Dee couldn't be sure if it was due to a baby or to the crushing disappointment that so many of them felt at losing this chance to be free of the Cylon threat once and for all.
Keeping a secret was pure torture, but given the situation Dee wanted to wait and be sure before she told anyone, and then Lee deserved to be the first to know. Aside from the he's-the-father part of it all, Dee didn't trust news like that not to circulate the battlestar in seconds flat. And once she was able to call him, Cottle said that given her uncertainty about her start dates, she had to wait three more days in order to ensure an accurate test.
But there was one person she felt comfortable telling, and he was sitting in the mess hall alone when Dee entered. Felix still ate alone a lot, although Dee noticed that Helo and Sharon, newly christened Athena, would occasionally sit with him, and so would Hot Dog and even more occasionally Racetrack. She grabbed her food and made her way over to join him.
And as soon as she did and he looked up at her, Dee knew she wasn't going to mention it.
"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down beside him.
Felix shrugged. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"
"Just… you look… is it Hoshi?"
Felix looked down at his plate and toyed with the food. "Yes and no," he admitted, and then sighed. "Yeah, that's not happening right now."
"What? You two have both been walking around with stupid dopey grins the past few days…" she trailed off, because that had been a few days ago. "What happened?"
"Nothing like you think," Felix said.
"Are you still interested?"
"Yeah, I am. And so's he. But some stuff came up, and… well, we've both got some things to work out."
"Like what?"
Felix looked around, and then leaned in. "Look, Lee might have already told you this, or you might have heard, but I don't think the Admiral wants the whole Fleet to know, okay? Baltar's still alive."
"Oh. Oh. Is he-"
"He's on the Cylon baseship, which, good riddance. I hope they get bored with him and flush him out an airlock or something." Felix's face was extremely hard. "But even just hearing that, just knowing that he's out there…" He trailed off and shrugged.
"Felix," Dee said, taking a deep breath because this was the question she'd wanted to ask for the past two months but didn't have the guts to ask, "what happened between you and Gaius Baltar on New Caprica?"
Felix laughed hollowly. "Got a couple hours?" he said.
"Yeah, I do." He looked at her, and saw that she was serious. "Come on," Dee suggested. "Let's eat in my quarters."
Felix hesitated, and then picked up his plate. "All right," he said. "But you asked for it."
***
Three hours later, their food was cold and untouched on their plates, and they'd made it through almost an entire bottle of whiskey. Well, Felix had- Dee had only had one drink. But she wished she could drink more.
"Would you change it?" Dee asked. "If you could?"
"Of course," Felix said scornfully. "Gods, if I could go back and never report that Roslin rigged that frakking election…" he stared mournfully at his drink.
"That's not what I mean, and you know it."
"I know. I don't know, Dee. I've always known it was a bad idea." Felix sighed. "I didn't think I'd care what it cost."
"Well, what about Hoshi?" Dee asked.
Felix looked at the table, tracing a ring of condensation with his fingers. "If it was just sex, I'd go for it and let it run its course," he admitted. "But the thing is, Dee, I really like him. I don't want to frak this up by rushing into it." He smiled helplessly. "And he-"
The door opened, and both Felix and Dee turned to see Lee coming in.
"Hey, Dee," he said, dropping a quick kiss on her forehead. "Hey Gaeta. Are you getting my wife drunk and making advances at her?"
"No, sir, but I can if you order me to." Felix lurched to his feet, swayed for a moment, and then steadied. Lee watched him in fascination.
"I'm almost tempted to, just to see what you'd do," he said. "But I think better orders would be sober up before you go on duty."
"Yes, sir," Felix said. He saluted, and then patted Dee on the head. "See you later," he said, stumbling out of the room.
Lee watched him go. "I have never, ever seen him get that drunk," he told Dee. "What happened?"
Dee sighed. "I hear Baltar is playing house with the Cylons, rather than being dead like he should be."
"Don't change the subject."
"I'm not."
Lee's brow furrowed, and then the light came on. "Oh. Oh!" He exhaled, looking back at where Felix had left. "Something tells me I really don't want to know."
"Probably not."
"Are you as drunk as he is?"
"Not at all. I only had one." Dee cocked her head. She was about to tell him that she was going for the test tomorrow, but Lee rubbed his face. "Something the matter?" she asked instead.
"If you're counseling people through whatever the frak is going on in their heads, would you mind taking a shot at Narcho?"
"Noel? What happened?"
"Botched three landings today and tangled with Hot Dog. I've never seen him fly so badly, and Gods forbid that the Cylons attack before he pulls it together. He'd be dead in minutes. What's going on with him?"
"I don't know," Dee admitted. "But everyone's upset about the whole thing with the Cylon virus falling through. It might be that. Listen, there's something-" she began, but Lee overrode her.
"I finally get Kara sorted out and she's back to herself… it's like I've got a quota," Lee complained. "Maybe it's in the job description somewhere. Must have one half-crazy, suicidal pilot at all times. Talk to him, will you, Dee?"
"I can try," Dee said. "But I won't guarantee he's going to tell me what's going on."
"I don't care what's going on. Just help him get his head back in the game, will you?"
Dee felt a small smile creep towards her lips. "You sound like your father."
"Oh, frak! That reminds me…" He glanced at his watch. "I'm late. Don't finish that without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Dee said as the door shut behind him. She poured herself a glass of water and sipped it. So much for telling Lee tonight.
***
She found Noel in the weight room the next day, pounding into the heavy bag. But as soon as he saw her come in, he shook his head.
"Don't even try it, Dee."
"Don't even try what?"
"I'm not going to talk." The ferocity of his punches increased. "Tell Apollo that I just need a day or two to get my head out of my ass, and then I'll be flying fine again."
"And if the Cylons attack in that day or two?"
"That's my problem, not his."
"It's his if we lose your Viper."
"Well, then he'd better hope the Cylons don't attack in the next day or two."
Dee nodded and lay down on the mat. She hooked her feet under the bar and began to do some sit-ups. She waited until she was at fifty before she said, "I hear Felix and Hoshi aren't…" she hesitated, because she didn't know the word. She was certain a few sexual encounters didn't qualify as together.
"Louis," Noel said.
"What?"
"For frak's sake, Dee, his name is Louis. If you're going to call Gaeta Felix, you could call Hoshi Louis in the same sentence."
"You're arguing semantics with me?" Dee asked, pausing in her exercise.
"I'm just saying. Gods, do you have any idea how frakking annoying it is to listen to you two snipe at each other all the time?"
"Wow, you really are in a good mood, aren't you?"
Narcho hit the bag particularly hard. "No. I'm in a lousy mood. But that doesn't change what I'm saying."
"Fine. But that doesn't answer the question." Dee started her sit-ups back up.
"Wasn't aware there was a question to be answered."
"I said that Felix and Louis aren't, well, they aren't…"
"Yeah, I know that." He stopped and stilled the bag, studying her. "What, you thought that was what was bothering me? Dee, how many times do I have to tell you it's over with me and Louis?"
"I didn't say that was what was bothering you!" Dee protested, although it was exactly what she meant to imply. "I was just making conversation."
"Well, make it about something else."
"I think I'm pregnant," Dee said, the words rushing out of her before she could stop them.
Noel froze. "Great," he said sarcastically. "That's just great, Dee. Great timing. We just lose any chance we've got of wiping out the Cylon threat forever, humanity is still on the run from genocidal robots, you're vital to the ship's operation, and you think now is the time to get yourself knocked up?"
"You've known I was trying," Dee shot back, "not that it's your business."
"And you've known I think it's a stupid idea," Noel snapped, "and you made it my business when you told me. Frak, Dee! And with everything else that's going on-"
"What everything else that's going on?" Dee demanded, sitting up.
Noel blanched. "Nothing," he said. "Just you can't be taking days off and running to the head puking while you've got such huge responsibilities."
"You don't have a high estimation of pregnant women, do you?" Dee flared. "Hasn't it occurred to you that I can have a baby and do my job? I'm not the only Communications Officer on this ship. And as everyone insists on reminding me, Hoshi's incredibly good at his job."
"Yeah, well, Hoshi's occupied," Noel said.
"A relationship doesn't mean a damn thing. If frakking someone means that a person can't do their job, this Fleet is in serious trouble."
Noel punched the bag. "Damn it, Dee, it's just not a good idea! Especially when we both know that half the reason you want this is because you're afraid he's going to run off with that Starbuck bitch all of Galactica seems to worship, and damn it, that's the worst reason for wanting a baby that I ever heard!"
"That is not it!" Dee yelled. "Lee and I are married, Noel. That's what married people do- they have babies!"
"Then why doesn't Lee know you're trying? Huh? If this was some frakking normal thing, like you're calling it, Lee would know about it, too. But you don't want to tell him because you're afraid that he won't be into it and then he'll go off and leave you and you won't have any frakking way to stop him, even though if he does that you should just push him out the airlock and be glad to be see the backside of him."
"Harsh words from someone who admitted he cheated on his own lover," Dee said.
Noel thrust his chin out. "Doesn’t mean they're not true." He wiped his forehead on his arm and took a drink from his water bottle. "I'm going to hit the showers before I say something I really regret. See you later," he said, and stomped off.
Dee sighed, and then checked her watch. She had ten minutes before she had her appointment down on medical bay.
***
"Well," Ishay said, smiling widely, "congratulations, Lieutenant Dualla. You're pregnant."
Dee almost jumped off the table and hugged her with delight. "Thank you," she said. "Any idea how far along?"
"About six weeks," Ishay said. "We usually recommend that you don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know before twelve weeks. The chance of miscarriage drops significantly after the first trimester." She hesitated. "I see from your file that you're Sagittaron…"
"That won't be a problem," Dee assured her. "That's where I'm from, not what I believe. This baby's getting exactly what it needs."
"Okay, then." Ishay's smile widened. "You know, I assume, to avoid alcohol in excess, although a drink every now and then is fine. Keep hydrated, clear any medications through us first, and watch the caffeine. No stims, no matter what. You might want to let Adama know just in case…" her smile widened, "but I assume he was on your list of people to tell anyway, with this being his grandchild."
The image of handing Adama his first grandchild hit her hard, and Dee found herself tearing up. She imagined him holding the baby, and as the baby got older, carrying it around Galactica, chest out and a smile across his face. She wiped at her eyes and laughed. "Sorry," she told Ishay. "Pregnancy hormones."
Ishay joined her laughter, and then reached out and hugged her. "It's not often we get to give such good news," she said happily as Dee slid off the examination table. "As long as everything proceeds as it should, come back in three weeks for an ultrasound. But if you have any questions at all, please stop in." She patted Dee on the belly. "We want to take extra good care of this little guy or girl." They both giggled again, and Dee nearly floated out of the infirmary.
"Can you hold the hatch?" someone asked, and Dee turned around to see Hoshi. He looked tired and drawn, and when he saw her, his expression only soured. "You look way too happy." He cocked his head and studied her. "Congratulations," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You know?" Dee asked.
"There's only one reason a woman glows on the way out of the sick bay," Hoshi said crossly. "It's not rocket science."
Dee bit her lip. "Don't tell anyone yet," she said. "It's still early."
"Like anyone would care," Hoshi said. He tried to pick up his pace, but Dee noticed that something stopped him, and judging by the look on his face he was in pain.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"Fine. I was just visiting a friend."
"A friend."
"A friend. Have you seen the duty roster yet?"
"Yeah. I'm on next shift. You're on the one after that."
"Good. I'm going to get some rack time." He stumbled off.
"Good riddance," Dee said quietly as he retreated. She had better things to think about, like how she was going to tell Lee.
For the first time, she wondered what Lee's reaction would be. Before this, she had always just assumed it would be happiness. Now that it was real and she was really pregnant, she wondered if that would truly be the case. But even if it wasn't initially, she told herself, he'd come around to it quickly enough.
But how to tell him? And when? Dee bit her lip, trying to imagine scenarios. Like Ishay said, it wasn't often anyone on this ship got to deliver good news, and Dee wanted to be sure it was exactly right.
***
She was waiting with dinner on the table when Lee came in. There were linens and candles on the table, and Dee was wearing one of her nicest dresses. He stopped and took in the scene, raising his eyebrows. "Wow. What's all this?"
"I just thought it would be nice to have a nice dinner," Dee said. "There's not much I can do about the food, but the ambience can be adjusted."
"I'll say." Lee smiled, but it had an obedient, expected air to it. He sat down, and Dee decided that she wasn't going to jump off into the baby conversation immediately. "It smells good."
Dee smiled, and for a while they just ate in silence. She wondered why it was so hard to say anything, much less give him this news.
"Did you talk to Narcho?" Lee asked her.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Dee shook her head. "He wouldn't say what's going on. But it might have to do with the virus failing."
"I still can't believe it," Lee said, warming up to the conversation. "We finally have a chance to wipe out the Cylon threat, and then it's snatched from us like that." He snapped. "I wish Dad would order an investigation, but…"
"You know why he won't," Dee sighed. "If he officially found out who did this…."
"Yeah. Exactly." Lee sighed. "I know Helo called it genocide, but is genocide warranted when it's to prevent another genocide?"
It was a good question, and one that Dee knew would lead to a night-long debate. And while she cherished the closeness and the equality in their conversation, a debate on the merits of genocide was not a time to tell him about a new baby.
She'd wait for a better time and a better place.
***
Dee sat at her console, installing a patch that Felix had written to help keep the wireless traffic organized. Tonight. She'd arranged another dinner. After all, it wasn't that the setting was problematic; this time she'd just tell him before genocide could come up as a conversational topic. She was imagining Lee's reaction when a voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Lieutenant."
Dee looked up from the comm with one finger up to indicate she was in the middle of something, and nearly spit out what she wasn't drinking. She finished typing in a flurry, and then it burst out of her. "What's with the buzz cut? This isn't basic training."
Hoshi self-consciously ran a hand over his newly cropped hair. "I wanted a change," he said.
"What's scary is it's an improvement," Dee said. Hoshi's haircut had been horrible at best, so pretty much anything was an improvement, even the inch or so of hair he'd left. And with his bluntly cut bangs gone, Dee suddenly noticed that he had very large eyes with extremely long, thick lashes. "By the way, Zarek's been calling. Adama wants him held off as long as possible."
"Aye, sir," Hoshi said automatically.
"I just installed that patch that Lieutenant Gaeta wrote. Let him know if there are any problems."
"Aye, sir."
"Are you okay?" She realized something. "You haven't been on shift in a few days, have you?"
"I'm fine. Did the gain dial get fixed?"
"Yes."
"Good. You're relieved, Lieutenant."
Dee looked at him one more time, shook her head, and then headed out of the CIC.
"Dee." Lee was waiting for her, and he caught her by the arm. "I'm really sorry," he began, "but I'm going to have to back out of dinner tonight."
"What? Why?"
"We got some recon about a tylium supply in an asteroid field nearby. They need a military escort. It will take a few days."
"Can't someone else do it?" Dee asked.
Lee shrugged. "I told Helo I'd give them a hand. I am CAG, after all. I can't ask my guys to do anything I wouldn't do myself."
"No." Dee nodded. "No, that makes sense." She brushed at the shoulder of his uniform. "Go ahead, Major Adama," she said, standing on her toes and giving him a kiss.
"You sure I'm not in trouble?" Lee asked.
"Orders are orders," Dee said lightly, despite the fact he'd given himself this set. But after all, she told herself, there was no way he could know what she'd meant to tell him that night. "Go. You're not in trouble."
"Thanks." Lee kissed her again, and smiled before he left.
Dee sighed, watching him go. This was getting ridiculous. She was seven weeks pregnant, and he still didn't have a clue.
***
The nice thing about Lee being gone was that Dee had the bed to herself. She took full advantage of the fact, but she must have slept on her shoulder wrong, because the next day it ached all through her shift.
"Dee."
Dee rubbed her shoulder looked up to see Petty Officer Sian standing in front of her. "Hey Amy. What's up?"
"I'm relieving you," Sian said.
"I thought Hoshi was on after me."
Sian shrugged. "Adama told me to take this shift."
Dee rotated her shoulder again, trying to get rid of the nagging pain. "Okay, thanks," she said. "It's all yours." She stood up and made her way out of the CIC.
To her surprise, Noel was waiting outside the CIC. "Lieutenant," he said stiffly. "May I talk to you?" Dee nodded. "I was wondering," Noel continued, "if you'd have dinner with me. I really wanted to talk about some of the things I said, many of which were uncalled for."
Dee felt like hugging him, and smiled widely. "Of course, Lieutenant," she said, and she took the arm that Noel held out. "I'd be delighted to join you. But if you could just wait a minute, I just came off duty.'
"Say no more," Noel said, stepping aside.
Dee ducked into the nearest head. One of the problems of pregnancy, she'd discovered, aside from nausea and exhaustion, was the fact that she constantly had to pee. Making it through a shift was torture.
But when she sat down and saw the drops of blood on her underwear, constant urination didn't seem like torture at all.
For a long moment, all she could do was stare. She didn't remember finishing up or washing or hands or leaving the head, just drifting down the hall, only two words ringing through her head.
My baby…
"Dee?" Noel said, and judging by the alarm in his voice she must look terrible, "what's wrong?"
Dee took a deep breath. "I am pregnant," she admitted, "and there's blood."
Noel's face went completely serious. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her into the nearest set of racks. "Call sickbay," he said, shoving the phone at her. "Call them right now." He punched the numbers in for her.
He stood by her side as she explained the symptoms to Cottle, half wanting to downplay the situation so he'd tell her nothing was wrong, and at the same time wanting to bring out the worst so he'd take it seriously.
"It could be nothing, it could be something," Cottle finally said. "The symptoms you're describing are pretty common in perfectly healthy pregnancies. And if it's not a healthy pregnancy… well, there won't be much we can do at this stage. But if you start seeing bright red blood or having a lot of pain, get down here right away."
"Yes, sir. Thank you." She listened to a few more instructions, and then hung up.
"Well?" Noel said.
"He's not sure of anything," Dee said. "It could be nothing, it could be something."
"Wow. Um."
"You don't have to say it," Dee said, rolling her eyes. "I know you're not exactly approving of this whole idea." Noel went silent, and Dee realized she'd offended him. "What?" she asked.
"If you think I'd wish a miscarriage on you, you don't know me very well at all," he said stiffly.
Dee rubbed her face. "I'm sorry."
"Does Lee know yet?"
"No. It hasn't been the right moment to tell him. And he's still out on that tylium mining mission doing guard duty."
Noel was biting his tongue. "Well, like Cottle said, it might be nothing. Don't worry too much yet, okay? I'm sure it will be fine."
She nodded, and he gently pushed her out of the room. "Come on," he said. "I still owe you that dinner. It will be fine, Dee. Don't worry about it until you know."
Right, Dee thought. Absolutely fine.
***
She didn't sleep well that night, convinced every time she felt any sort of twinge that it meant she was losing the baby. She kept getting up to check just how much blood she was passing, and she couldn't get comfortable on her shoulder. And when she did finally drift off, she fell into a deep enough sleep that she was almost late for her shift.
She had two hours left in her shift when she ducked out to use the head. The blood was heavier now, but still brown, and although her back ached, she'd been sitting for six hours. She firmly told herself she was okay, but as she walked back into the CIC, she began to feel a sharp pain. For a moment she thought it was a stitch, but the pain intensified to the point where she had to double over, clutching at her abdomen.
"Dee," she heard a voice from far away. "Are you okay?"
She looked up to see Felix standing over her. "I'm… not okay," she gasped, trying to stand up and not quite managing.
"Okay. Let's get you to sickbay," Felix said. "Can you walk?" The spasm was easing, and Dee nodded. "Come on," Felix said, looping his arm around her waist. "We'd better go."
Their progress was long and slow, with Dee having to stop twice because of intense cramps. And the entire time, Felix was staring at her, bewildered, not quite sure what was happening. She noticed he didn't ask, and she was grateful.
"What's going on?" Cottle demanded as soon as they entered.
"She's got some sort of abdominal pain," Felix explained. Dee looked up at Cottle, who immediately beckoned for a nurse.
"Is Major Adama around?" he asked.
"He's still on a mission, sir," Felix answered.
"You might want to get him back and get him in here."
"No," Dee said, because she couldn't face Lee right now. "Not until we… no. Felix, can you stay?"
"I'm on duty, Dee. Let me go and I'll get through to Lee and-"
"No!" Dee doubled over again and Cottle began manhandling her onto the bed. "Please, Felix, you stay. At least until I know-"
"You're going to be fine, Dee," Felix said, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Doc Cottle will take good care of you, and I'll come check on you when I'm off." The bed was moving now, and Felix wasn't.
"I'll stay with her," Dee heard someone volunteer.
"You should be-"
"I can hold her hand, Felix. Go. Get back to the CIC. I'll stay with her."
"Okay."
There was a hand then, warm and steady on hers, with long fingers closing around. "Hang on to me," a voice said in her ear. "I'm here."
In the time that had taken, Dee found her uniform off and her tanks pushed up, and Cottle was running something smooth and cold over her abdomen. "Frak. It's ectopic." The hand tightened on hers, and Dee squeezed back. Cottle's face appeared over her. "I'm sorry, Dee." He studied the ultrasound screen again. "Ishay, zoom in on that right there. That mass."
The picture was grainy and blobby; it made no sense at all to Dee. But all she could think was that was the baby who would never be, and she looked away.
A curtain was pulled around her bed, with a strange dotted pattern. She studied it for a moment, Cottle and Ishay arguing in low tones in the background. It had an air of unreality to it, and she closed her eyes. The hand on hers tightened again, and it dawned on her that she had no idea who it belonged to.
When she looked up, she was surprised to see Hoshi sitting by her. He smiled grimly, and squeezed her hand again. "Just hang on," he whispered.
Cottle's face appeared in her vision again. "Dee," he said gruffly, and she faced him as bravely as she could, "the pregnancy is ectopic. You know what that means, right?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"That in itself would be reason enough to consider surgery. But we're also seeing a large mass on your fallopian tube that is very likely a paraovarian cyst. Most of the time these are benign, but coupled with the ectopic pregnancy, I think it's best if we go in there and resolve both problems at once. Understand?"
Dee nodded.
"We're going to get you prepped. You're far enough along and experiencing bleeding already; I don't want to take the chance that you'll hemorrhage."
Dee nodded again. Cottle glanced at Ishay, and Ishay injected something into Dee's arm. A warm, heavy feeling spread over her almost immediately.
"Do you want me to stay?" Hoshi asked her softly.
She looked up at him. He was wearing tanks and sweats, and had a tube hooked to his arm. "Do I need a blood transfusion?" she asked him.
"What?"
"Your arm. Are you giving me blood?"
"We gave her a sedative already," Cottle explained, far above her. "It will only be fifteen minutes before she's ready, and then I want your ass back in your bed, Lieutenant."
"Aye, sir."
"Don't 'aye, sir' me. Just do it."
"Hoshi," Dee was floating, clinging only to the solidity that was Hoshi's hand as people moved over her. "You don't even like me. Why are you here?"
"Because I know what it's like to fight something alone." His other hand covered their joined hands. "I know you can handle it. But you don't have to."
"I'm not alone," she began to say, but her mouth felt heavy. Whatever Cottle had given her was working fast. Instead, she just kept her hand in his and closed her eyes.
On to Part 7
Author:
lls_mutantRating: PG-13
Characters: Dee and Hoshi
Pairings: Dee/Lee, eventual Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho in the background.
Summary: Dee's got a secret, and she's not the only one.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part just through Measure of Salvation
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta
trovia!Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Blood. Dee sighed, staring at it, and then hitched her pants up. Great. She grabbed her cup out of the pocket of her BDUs and was out of the head in minutes, swearing to herself. She rejoined Noel where he was sitting in a corner of the hangar bay, playing with a few pieces of metal.
"I know I've said it a million times in the past month," Noel sighed, "but I really miss my motorcycle."
"I know," Dee said mournfully. "I do, too." Which was only a fraction of the truth. What she really missed was this time with Noel, sitting and talking and creating something, just the two of them. But she was seeing less of Noel these days, with the full roster of pilots training and the Cylons an immediate threat again, and her own duties and husband keeping her busy.
Noel sifted through the broken metal pieces and selected one. "You sound like you're in a good mood."
"My period just started," she admitted. Noel winced. "What was that about?" Dee demanded.
Noel considered her, and then shrugged. "I'm going to go with the safe answer and say 'periods are gross, eww, girl stuff.'" Dee glared at him and he sighed. "I still think you're nuts. Have you thought about the fact that it's not like New Caprica, and we're on the run again?"
"Yeah. I'm not stupid." Dee drew her knees up and rested her cheek on them, watching Noel play with the metal. "What are you making, anyway?" she asked.
"You'll see," Noel said with a glint in his eye. "Although I won't finish it tonight. You know," he continued, concentrating very hard on the screwdriver he was using, "if you're worried that he's going to cheat on you with… someone, a baby probably won't stop him. He knows cheating is wrong already. It doesn't work like that."
"I know," Dee said, thinking of Billy and trying not to throw up. "Believe me, I know."
Noel put down his work and met her eyes. "Yeah," he sighed, "I do, too."
***
"Dee, are you going on duty now?" Felix asked.
"No, Sian's on. Why?"
"Good. We need a fourth for triad. Come on."
"All right. Who else is playing?"
"Hoshi and Helo."
Dee decided she could put up with Hoshi for the tradeoff of Helo and Felix, and nodded. "Sure, I'll join in."
"Great."
Helo and Hoshi were sitting at a table in the corner of the rec room, a bottle of clear liquid between them, Hoshi laughing at something Helo was saying. They looked up as she and Felix joined them, Helo brightening and Hoshi becoming a little more guarded.
"Hey, Dee," Helo said. "Can I pour you a drink?"
The one advantage of not being pregnant was that Dee could say, "Sure," without any guilt. She sat down and Felix shuffled and began dealing. "Where's Sharon?"
"She's on shuttle duty," Helo said proudly. "By the way, you might want to be gentle with that husband of yours tonight. I beat him into submission pretty good."
"You're doing a good job of it," Felix commented. "When you're done with Lee, you could always move on. Start a business. Get a few more guys ripped."
"In the interest of the Fleet, of course," Hoshi agreed innocently.
"Right," Felix said, nodding. "Better fitness means better response times and better readiness for Cylon attacks."
Helo stared at them. "You two think you're being subtle, but you're not."
"Not at all," Hoshi said, taking a sip of whatever was in that bottle. "But we live in the CIC. Sorry, I know you guys respect them, but Tigh and Adama just don't figure in as eye candy."
Dee couldn't help giggling at that, until Felix grinned wryly. "Especially with Tigh drunk off his ass most of the time," he said bitterly. He and Hoshi exchanged meaningful glances, and Hoshi touched his arm. Dee wondered what exactly Hoshi knew about the Circle. The thought that he might know something made her unexpectedly angry, because although Felix knew she was aware of it, he'd never actually told her about it.
Helo cleared his throat. "Are we going to play or what?" he asked.
"You're right," Dee said, with an element of forced cheerfulness. "Let's play."
On the surface, the game seemed completely ordinary. But Dee couldn't help noticing that Felix directed a lot of his remarks to Hoshi, and Hoshi seemed to find the majority of them funny. And that his laughter bolstered Felix, putting confidence in his eyes that Dee hadn't seen since New Caprica. She also noticed that they left together when they were done playing, although it was only to discuss the jump protocol in greater depth.
"Ten cubits says that they're together in a month," Helo offered as he and Dee sat alone at the table.
"No way," Dee said, even though she suspected he was right. "Hoshi's not Felix's type."
"No," Helo agreed, "he's actually a decent guy. Gods, do you remember that Viper pilot Felix had a thing for… what was his name? Gunner?"
Dee looked at Helo. "Hoshi's a bastard, too" she pointed out.
"I keep forgetting that you two don't get along," Helo said. "He's really a good guy, Dee."
"It sounds like you know him well," Dee said suspiciously.
Helo shrugged. "I've seen him around the card tables and the CIC. And he and Felix have been becoming close fast."
"So I gathered," Dee said sourly.
"It's good for Felix," Helo reminded her. "He doesn't exactly have many friends aboard the Galactica since New Caprica."
"I know," Dee said. Helo had a way of looking at her that made her feel guilty for even thinking like this. "I just don't want to see Felix get hurt. Not so soon after the Cir… after everything he's been through."
Helo shrugged. "I'm not saying it's all going to be hearts and flowers and love forever between them," he said, "but I'm betting if they get together and it doesn't work out, it will be for normal reasons. Not because Felix has yet again managed to find some frak who will completely wring him dry."
Dee decided that Helo wasn't seeing her point, and arguing it any more would make her look like a petulant child. "You're right," she agreed, "I do have a blind spot where Hoshi's concerned." She bit her lip. "Hey, can I ask you a personal question?"
Helo shrugged. "Sure."
"Have you and Sharon thought about trying for another child?"
If it wasn't Helo, Dee never would have had the guts to ask- not after what he and Sharon had been through already. But Helo studied her carefully before answering, and she suspected he guessed her true motive in asking. "We've been trying," he finally confessed. "It just hasn't happened yet."
"What about the fact it is so dangerous now?" Dee asked.
Helo shrugged. "The way I look at it, that's all the more reason to have a child. If something happens to her, I want to be able to have something of her to hold on to forever. It's hard, yeah, but it's… it's hope, too. And everyone needs that."
"But life in the Fleet-"
"It's not easy," Helo agreed. "But even back on Caprica… there are always risks. I read somewhere that deciding to have kids is like walking forever with your heart outside your body. Having lost a child, I'd say yeah, that's true. But even in the little time I had her…" Helo smiled sadly. "I'd risk all this just to have that happiness again. And so would Sharon."
Dee nodded and stared hard at the table. "Thanks," she said, blinking her eyes rapidly. She got her face composed and then looked up at him. "Shall we play another hand?"
Helo smiled at her. "Sure," he said, sliding the cards to her, "but you deal. I can't shuffle for shit."
***
"You look tired," Dee said when Lee came in that night.
"I'm always tired these days," Lee admitted. He smiled at her, that careless smile that she'd fallen head over heels for. "Helo wears me out."
"You look good," Dee admitted, sitting up on the bed.
Lee gave a small chuckle. "I wasn't sure if you noticed."
"Of course I noticed," Dee said, standing up and coming over to put her arms around his neck. "But I love you no matter what you look like."
"Mmm, is that so?" Lee asked. He picked her up and set her on the table, wrapping her legs around his waist. He smiled again. "We fit together better."
"Doesn't matter," Dee insisted. The truth was she did notice, but the timing was right and she was determined, and the last thing she wanted to do was put Lee off. "You always fit with me."
They eventually found their way to the bed, and afterwards Dee lay in the circle of Lee's arms, buoyed and happy. "I feel like everything's settling down," Dee said cheerfully. "The CIC's almost back to normal."
"Come whip the Air Group into shape then," Lee groaned. He propped up on an elbow. "After what you did to the Pegasus crew, I'll bet that you could. Do you know that between you and Major Shaw, there are hulking men from the Pegasus that now cry when a small, dark-haired woman speaks sharply to them?"
"Stop," Dee said, picking up a pillow and hitting Lee with it.
"It's true," Lee insisted, even if his voice was muffled by the pillow. "You've struck fear into their hearts." He pushed the pillow aside and grabbed Dee's arms, pulling her on top of him. "You," he said, and punctuated his words with kisses, "did great. You do great."
She'd completely understood Helo's words earlier, but as she looked into Lee's smiling face, they came back to her with a power that made her soul tremble. This was why she wanted a baby… so she could feel this happiness forever.
She kissed him again.
***
Dee wasn't joking when she'd said the CIC was almost back to normal, and life on Galactica fell into a sort of daily rhythm, interrupted by the occasional Cylon skirmish or jump. There was a small sensation when the Outlander developed FTL trouble and a nasty training accident that left two Raptor pilots wounded, but those were balanced out by one of the chemists figuring out a new process for an artificial sweetener and the birth of a set of twins. And two weeks after he'd begun it, Noel finished his invention.
"So, what exactly is this little project of yours?" Dee asked.
"Come on," Noel said. "We need a hallway."
"This isn't going to get me in trouble, is it?" Dee asked suspiciously.
"Nah. If it blows up, it will only be a small explosion," Noel said. He opened his bag and pulled out a little metal… car, Dee guessed, made out of scrap metal and bits of rubber. Noel had painted it red, and although it resembled no vehicle she'd ever seen, it did have four wheels, and a remote control.
"Watch," Noel said gleefully, pushing a button on the control.
The little car-thing began to zoom down the hall.
"No way!" Dee laughed. "How did you get Chief to give you parts for this?"
"Well," Noel sighed, "I have to hand it over to his kid afterwards."
"You're kidding."
"Not really. I told him what I wanted to do, and that if he'd let me just have the stuff to work with, just to keep my hands in until we find Earth, then I'd give anything I made to the kids. Do you have any idea how much life sucks if you're a kid in this Fleet?"
"This isn't starting with the baby thing again, is it?" Dee began.
"Didn't say that, but if you want to draw your own inferences, be my guest," Noel said. He zoomed the car further down the hall. "Look at the range I've got on this thing!"
Dee was about to answer when they heard laughter from behind them. She turned, smiling automatically. Felix and Hoshi were walking down the hall together. They were very close, the backs of their hands brushing against each other, and when they got closer, Dee noticed that Hoshi's lips were very red and Felix's cheeks had the telltale glow of a person who had been kissing someone with stubble. They saw Dee and stopped, Hoshi cutting off mid-laugh.
"Hey, Dee," Felix greeted her, but he didn't seem like he wanted to pause. The little red car came zooming up, circling around Felix's feet and then around Hoshi's. Hoshi looked down.
"You're kidding," he said, looking at Noel. Noel was standing, watching, an unreadable expression on his face as he worked the remote control. "Do you mind?" Hoshi asked, looking back at Felix. "I'll only be a minute."
"Go ahead," Felix said, pulling Dee over out of the hall.
"You look happy," Dee commented.
Felix flushed, but the expression on his face was entirely too smug. "Yeah, well," he said, and then winked. "I haven't had fun having sex since Skulls, and that ended before Founder's Day." He leered at her. "And believe me, I think this is going to be fun."
"Ew. I don't need to know that," Dee said, shoving him. "You haven't had sex since Skulls?"
"No, I said I haven't had fun having sex." But Felix's smile cooled a notch. Dee suddenly realized just how rare Felix's smiles had been since New Caprica, and backtracked.
"Think you can get him away from Noel's new toy?"
"Sure. Believe me, there are any number of suggestions I can give him that will pry him away immediately." The light returned to Felix's smile, and his eyes lingered on Hoshi. "In fact, I think I'll go do so." He winked at her, and then walked over and whispered something in Hoshi's ear. Hoshi's eyes widened, and he smiled that smile that lit up his entire face and transformed him completely.
"Here," he told Noel, handing him the remote. "I'll see you later."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Noel shouted after them. "Not that that limits you much."
Dee looked at Noel curiously as he watched them go, especially as Hoshi's fingers threaded through Felix's. "You okay?" she asked him.
"What? Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure," he said, and then narrowed his eyes. "I don't know much about Gaeta," he said, "except for what I've heard around the ship. Not much on him. Is he a good guy?"
"Yes," Dee said emphatically. She watched them go. "And he's had enough to deal with. Hoshi'd better not hurt him."
Noel snorted. "Like I have any control over that?"
"He hurt you," Dee ventured.
"No," Noel said, "he threw me out on my ass after I hurt him. Come on, Dee, don't you know me well enough by now to figure out I was the asshole in that relationship?"
Dee shrugged, but she had to admit she wasn't shocked. "What did you do?"
"Cheated," Noel said briefly, and then picked up his car. "Come on. Let's give this little baby a full test run."
Dee looked down the hallway where Felix and Hoshi had disappeared one more time, and then put on a bright smile and nodded.
***
Dee wiped her face on her towel and then stepped into the officer's lockers. The hot steam of showers felt good on her sore muscles, even before she got in. She was absolutely exhausted, despite the fact she'd only run half as far as she normally did. She stepped into the shower and let the water run over her. She was almost done when she heard it.
Someone was humming.
It wasn't extremely tuneful, but it was someone being happy. Ever since the Exodus two months ago, that wasn't a sound that Dee heard often. She smiled and turned off the water.
When she stepped out, she saw the culprit; Hoshi was standing at the sinks in his tanks and his duty blues pants, hair still wet from the shower, shaving.
"You're in a good mood," Dee said, pulling on her clothing.
Hoshi smiled evilly. "Well, I have reason to be."
"Yeah, I know. Have you and Felix gotten out of bed for the past two days?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Not really." Dee began to pull a comb through her wet hair.
Hoshi smirked, and then recoiled. "Frak!" He glared down at his razor, and then at the place where blood was welling on his chin. "Frakking piece of… wish we could get some new razors." He wiped at the cut. "By the way," he said after Dee had finished combing out her hair, "you left the scrambler on when you left yesterday."
"I did not," Dee said. "I didn't even send a scrambled call."
"It was on."
"It was not!"
"Frak it!" Hoshi shouted, and Dee jumped back in surprise. He glared into the mirror, still applying pressure to his chin. "Would you admit for two seconds I actually know my job?"
"Only if you admit that I know mine!"
"I never said you didn't!"
"Oh, sleeping her way into the XO position doesn't ring a bell?"
Hoshi glared at her. "I just said you left the scrambler on. That's all."
The door banged open, and a pair of pilots entered the room. Dee pulled her hair into a ponytail and buttoned her jacket. "Whatever," she said crossly. "Don't be late this time relieving me. The only reason I covered for you yesterday was because Felix was late, too."
"Whatever," Hoshi mimicked.
Dee glared at him one more time, and then stomped out the hatch. She had duty. The last thing she saw was Hoshi leaning over the mirror, still trying to get his chin to stop bleeding.
***
Six hours later, Dee stared at the calendar, her heart pounding as she tapped a pen against the tactical manual that Hoshi had left at their station. She couldn't remember the date her last period had started, and her current one was either due in two days or two days late, or somewhere in between. She chewed her lip, desperately trying to remember.
"Dee."
Dee looked up from her station, eyes wide with surprise. Hoshi almost always called her Dualla or Lieutenant. "What?" she asked.
"I have a favor to ask." Hoshi shifted uncomfortably. "Will you cover my shift tomorrow?"
"Why?"
Hoshi glanced down towards the CIC floor. "I'd rather not say."
Dee sighed. "I'm not working a double just so you can get back on the same schedule as Felix."
She expected a retort. She didn't get one. Hoshi just looked at her, his eyes wide. "Please," was all he said. "I've got a bottle of wine that I've been saving that-"
"All right," Dee sighed. "If it means that much, I'll do it for nothing. But only because it will make Felix happy."
"Thanks," he said, and leaned over to pick up the manual he'd left.
"There's something on your collar," Dee said, only noticing it because of the proximity and the light.
"Yeah, I know," Hoshi said. "It's blood. Thanks again, Dee. I'll see you later."
Dee watched him go. Then she turned back to her station and her calendar. This was driving her crazy, and she really wanted to know if she was pregnant or not. She'd better call Cottle, just in case.
***
She couldn't call Cottle right away, because there was the matter of the Cylon prisoners and the virus that offered hope for all of humanity. Her period still didn't appear, but Dee couldn't be sure if it was due to a baby or to the crushing disappointment that so many of them felt at losing this chance to be free of the Cylon threat once and for all.
Keeping a secret was pure torture, but given the situation Dee wanted to wait and be sure before she told anyone, and then Lee deserved to be the first to know. Aside from the he's-the-father part of it all, Dee didn't trust news like that not to circulate the battlestar in seconds flat. And once she was able to call him, Cottle said that given her uncertainty about her start dates, she had to wait three more days in order to ensure an accurate test.
But there was one person she felt comfortable telling, and he was sitting in the mess hall alone when Dee entered. Felix still ate alone a lot, although Dee noticed that Helo and Sharon, newly christened Athena, would occasionally sit with him, and so would Hot Dog and even more occasionally Racetrack. She grabbed her food and made her way over to join him.
And as soon as she did and he looked up at her, Dee knew she wasn't going to mention it.
"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down beside him.
Felix shrugged. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"
"Just… you look… is it Hoshi?"
Felix looked down at his plate and toyed with the food. "Yes and no," he admitted, and then sighed. "Yeah, that's not happening right now."
"What? You two have both been walking around with stupid dopey grins the past few days…" she trailed off, because that had been a few days ago. "What happened?"
"Nothing like you think," Felix said.
"Are you still interested?"
"Yeah, I am. And so's he. But some stuff came up, and… well, we've both got some things to work out."
"Like what?"
Felix looked around, and then leaned in. "Look, Lee might have already told you this, or you might have heard, but I don't think the Admiral wants the whole Fleet to know, okay? Baltar's still alive."
"Oh. Oh. Is he-"
"He's on the Cylon baseship, which, good riddance. I hope they get bored with him and flush him out an airlock or something." Felix's face was extremely hard. "But even just hearing that, just knowing that he's out there…" He trailed off and shrugged.
"Felix," Dee said, taking a deep breath because this was the question she'd wanted to ask for the past two months but didn't have the guts to ask, "what happened between you and Gaius Baltar on New Caprica?"
Felix laughed hollowly. "Got a couple hours?" he said.
"Yeah, I do." He looked at her, and saw that she was serious. "Come on," Dee suggested. "Let's eat in my quarters."
Felix hesitated, and then picked up his plate. "All right," he said. "But you asked for it."
***
Three hours later, their food was cold and untouched on their plates, and they'd made it through almost an entire bottle of whiskey. Well, Felix had- Dee had only had one drink. But she wished she could drink more.
"Would you change it?" Dee asked. "If you could?"
"Of course," Felix said scornfully. "Gods, if I could go back and never report that Roslin rigged that frakking election…" he stared mournfully at his drink.
"That's not what I mean, and you know it."
"I know. I don't know, Dee. I've always known it was a bad idea." Felix sighed. "I didn't think I'd care what it cost."
"Well, what about Hoshi?" Dee asked.
Felix looked at the table, tracing a ring of condensation with his fingers. "If it was just sex, I'd go for it and let it run its course," he admitted. "But the thing is, Dee, I really like him. I don't want to frak this up by rushing into it." He smiled helplessly. "And he-"
The door opened, and both Felix and Dee turned to see Lee coming in.
"Hey, Dee," he said, dropping a quick kiss on her forehead. "Hey Gaeta. Are you getting my wife drunk and making advances at her?"
"No, sir, but I can if you order me to." Felix lurched to his feet, swayed for a moment, and then steadied. Lee watched him in fascination.
"I'm almost tempted to, just to see what you'd do," he said. "But I think better orders would be sober up before you go on duty."
"Yes, sir," Felix said. He saluted, and then patted Dee on the head. "See you later," he said, stumbling out of the room.
Lee watched him go. "I have never, ever seen him get that drunk," he told Dee. "What happened?"
Dee sighed. "I hear Baltar is playing house with the Cylons, rather than being dead like he should be."
"Don't change the subject."
"I'm not."
Lee's brow furrowed, and then the light came on. "Oh. Oh!" He exhaled, looking back at where Felix had left. "Something tells me I really don't want to know."
"Probably not."
"Are you as drunk as he is?"
"Not at all. I only had one." Dee cocked her head. She was about to tell him that she was going for the test tomorrow, but Lee rubbed his face. "Something the matter?" she asked instead.
"If you're counseling people through whatever the frak is going on in their heads, would you mind taking a shot at Narcho?"
"Noel? What happened?"
"Botched three landings today and tangled with Hot Dog. I've never seen him fly so badly, and Gods forbid that the Cylons attack before he pulls it together. He'd be dead in minutes. What's going on with him?"
"I don't know," Dee admitted. "But everyone's upset about the whole thing with the Cylon virus falling through. It might be that. Listen, there's something-" she began, but Lee overrode her.
"I finally get Kara sorted out and she's back to herself… it's like I've got a quota," Lee complained. "Maybe it's in the job description somewhere. Must have one half-crazy, suicidal pilot at all times. Talk to him, will you, Dee?"
"I can try," Dee said. "But I won't guarantee he's going to tell me what's going on."
"I don't care what's going on. Just help him get his head back in the game, will you?"
Dee felt a small smile creep towards her lips. "You sound like your father."
"Oh, frak! That reminds me…" He glanced at his watch. "I'm late. Don't finish that without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Dee said as the door shut behind him. She poured herself a glass of water and sipped it. So much for telling Lee tonight.
***
She found Noel in the weight room the next day, pounding into the heavy bag. But as soon as he saw her come in, he shook his head.
"Don't even try it, Dee."
"Don't even try what?"
"I'm not going to talk." The ferocity of his punches increased. "Tell Apollo that I just need a day or two to get my head out of my ass, and then I'll be flying fine again."
"And if the Cylons attack in that day or two?"
"That's my problem, not his."
"It's his if we lose your Viper."
"Well, then he'd better hope the Cylons don't attack in the next day or two."
Dee nodded and lay down on the mat. She hooked her feet under the bar and began to do some sit-ups. She waited until she was at fifty before she said, "I hear Felix and Hoshi aren't…" she hesitated, because she didn't know the word. She was certain a few sexual encounters didn't qualify as together.
"Louis," Noel said.
"What?"
"For frak's sake, Dee, his name is Louis. If you're going to call Gaeta Felix, you could call Hoshi Louis in the same sentence."
"You're arguing semantics with me?" Dee asked, pausing in her exercise.
"I'm just saying. Gods, do you have any idea how frakking annoying it is to listen to you two snipe at each other all the time?"
"Wow, you really are in a good mood, aren't you?"
Narcho hit the bag particularly hard. "No. I'm in a lousy mood. But that doesn't change what I'm saying."
"Fine. But that doesn't answer the question." Dee started her sit-ups back up.
"Wasn't aware there was a question to be answered."
"I said that Felix and Louis aren't, well, they aren't…"
"Yeah, I know that." He stopped and stilled the bag, studying her. "What, you thought that was what was bothering me? Dee, how many times do I have to tell you it's over with me and Louis?"
"I didn't say that was what was bothering you!" Dee protested, although it was exactly what she meant to imply. "I was just making conversation."
"Well, make it about something else."
"I think I'm pregnant," Dee said, the words rushing out of her before she could stop them.
Noel froze. "Great," he said sarcastically. "That's just great, Dee. Great timing. We just lose any chance we've got of wiping out the Cylon threat forever, humanity is still on the run from genocidal robots, you're vital to the ship's operation, and you think now is the time to get yourself knocked up?"
"You've known I was trying," Dee shot back, "not that it's your business."
"And you've known I think it's a stupid idea," Noel snapped, "and you made it my business when you told me. Frak, Dee! And with everything else that's going on-"
"What everything else that's going on?" Dee demanded, sitting up.
Noel blanched. "Nothing," he said. "Just you can't be taking days off and running to the head puking while you've got such huge responsibilities."
"You don't have a high estimation of pregnant women, do you?" Dee flared. "Hasn't it occurred to you that I can have a baby and do my job? I'm not the only Communications Officer on this ship. And as everyone insists on reminding me, Hoshi's incredibly good at his job."
"Yeah, well, Hoshi's occupied," Noel said.
"A relationship doesn't mean a damn thing. If frakking someone means that a person can't do their job, this Fleet is in serious trouble."
Noel punched the bag. "Damn it, Dee, it's just not a good idea! Especially when we both know that half the reason you want this is because you're afraid he's going to run off with that Starbuck bitch all of Galactica seems to worship, and damn it, that's the worst reason for wanting a baby that I ever heard!"
"That is not it!" Dee yelled. "Lee and I are married, Noel. That's what married people do- they have babies!"
"Then why doesn't Lee know you're trying? Huh? If this was some frakking normal thing, like you're calling it, Lee would know about it, too. But you don't want to tell him because you're afraid that he won't be into it and then he'll go off and leave you and you won't have any frakking way to stop him, even though if he does that you should just push him out the airlock and be glad to be see the backside of him."
"Harsh words from someone who admitted he cheated on his own lover," Dee said.
Noel thrust his chin out. "Doesn’t mean they're not true." He wiped his forehead on his arm and took a drink from his water bottle. "I'm going to hit the showers before I say something I really regret. See you later," he said, and stomped off.
Dee sighed, and then checked her watch. She had ten minutes before she had her appointment down on medical bay.
***
"Well," Ishay said, smiling widely, "congratulations, Lieutenant Dualla. You're pregnant."
Dee almost jumped off the table and hugged her with delight. "Thank you," she said. "Any idea how far along?"
"About six weeks," Ishay said. "We usually recommend that you don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know before twelve weeks. The chance of miscarriage drops significantly after the first trimester." She hesitated. "I see from your file that you're Sagittaron…"
"That won't be a problem," Dee assured her. "That's where I'm from, not what I believe. This baby's getting exactly what it needs."
"Okay, then." Ishay's smile widened. "You know, I assume, to avoid alcohol in excess, although a drink every now and then is fine. Keep hydrated, clear any medications through us first, and watch the caffeine. No stims, no matter what. You might want to let Adama know just in case…" her smile widened, "but I assume he was on your list of people to tell anyway, with this being his grandchild."
The image of handing Adama his first grandchild hit her hard, and Dee found herself tearing up. She imagined him holding the baby, and as the baby got older, carrying it around Galactica, chest out and a smile across his face. She wiped at her eyes and laughed. "Sorry," she told Ishay. "Pregnancy hormones."
Ishay joined her laughter, and then reached out and hugged her. "It's not often we get to give such good news," she said happily as Dee slid off the examination table. "As long as everything proceeds as it should, come back in three weeks for an ultrasound. But if you have any questions at all, please stop in." She patted Dee on the belly. "We want to take extra good care of this little guy or girl." They both giggled again, and Dee nearly floated out of the infirmary.
"Can you hold the hatch?" someone asked, and Dee turned around to see Hoshi. He looked tired and drawn, and when he saw her, his expression only soured. "You look way too happy." He cocked his head and studied her. "Congratulations," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You know?" Dee asked.
"There's only one reason a woman glows on the way out of the sick bay," Hoshi said crossly. "It's not rocket science."
Dee bit her lip. "Don't tell anyone yet," she said. "It's still early."
"Like anyone would care," Hoshi said. He tried to pick up his pace, but Dee noticed that something stopped him, and judging by the look on his face he was in pain.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"Fine. I was just visiting a friend."
"A friend."
"A friend. Have you seen the duty roster yet?"
"Yeah. I'm on next shift. You're on the one after that."
"Good. I'm going to get some rack time." He stumbled off.
"Good riddance," Dee said quietly as he retreated. She had better things to think about, like how she was going to tell Lee.
For the first time, she wondered what Lee's reaction would be. Before this, she had always just assumed it would be happiness. Now that it was real and she was really pregnant, she wondered if that would truly be the case. But even if it wasn't initially, she told herself, he'd come around to it quickly enough.
But how to tell him? And when? Dee bit her lip, trying to imagine scenarios. Like Ishay said, it wasn't often anyone on this ship got to deliver good news, and Dee wanted to be sure it was exactly right.
***
She was waiting with dinner on the table when Lee came in. There were linens and candles on the table, and Dee was wearing one of her nicest dresses. He stopped and took in the scene, raising his eyebrows. "Wow. What's all this?"
"I just thought it would be nice to have a nice dinner," Dee said. "There's not much I can do about the food, but the ambience can be adjusted."
"I'll say." Lee smiled, but it had an obedient, expected air to it. He sat down, and Dee decided that she wasn't going to jump off into the baby conversation immediately. "It smells good."
Dee smiled, and for a while they just ate in silence. She wondered why it was so hard to say anything, much less give him this news.
"Did you talk to Narcho?" Lee asked her.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Dee shook her head. "He wouldn't say what's going on. But it might have to do with the virus failing."
"I still can't believe it," Lee said, warming up to the conversation. "We finally have a chance to wipe out the Cylon threat, and then it's snatched from us like that." He snapped. "I wish Dad would order an investigation, but…"
"You know why he won't," Dee sighed. "If he officially found out who did this…."
"Yeah. Exactly." Lee sighed. "I know Helo called it genocide, but is genocide warranted when it's to prevent another genocide?"
It was a good question, and one that Dee knew would lead to a night-long debate. And while she cherished the closeness and the equality in their conversation, a debate on the merits of genocide was not a time to tell him about a new baby.
She'd wait for a better time and a better place.
***
Dee sat at her console, installing a patch that Felix had written to help keep the wireless traffic organized. Tonight. She'd arranged another dinner. After all, it wasn't that the setting was problematic; this time she'd just tell him before genocide could come up as a conversational topic. She was imagining Lee's reaction when a voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Lieutenant."
Dee looked up from the comm with one finger up to indicate she was in the middle of something, and nearly spit out what she wasn't drinking. She finished typing in a flurry, and then it burst out of her. "What's with the buzz cut? This isn't basic training."
Hoshi self-consciously ran a hand over his newly cropped hair. "I wanted a change," he said.
"What's scary is it's an improvement," Dee said. Hoshi's haircut had been horrible at best, so pretty much anything was an improvement, even the inch or so of hair he'd left. And with his bluntly cut bangs gone, Dee suddenly noticed that he had very large eyes with extremely long, thick lashes. "By the way, Zarek's been calling. Adama wants him held off as long as possible."
"Aye, sir," Hoshi said automatically.
"I just installed that patch that Lieutenant Gaeta wrote. Let him know if there are any problems."
"Aye, sir."
"Are you okay?" She realized something. "You haven't been on shift in a few days, have you?"
"I'm fine. Did the gain dial get fixed?"
"Yes."
"Good. You're relieved, Lieutenant."
Dee looked at him one more time, shook her head, and then headed out of the CIC.
"Dee." Lee was waiting for her, and he caught her by the arm. "I'm really sorry," he began, "but I'm going to have to back out of dinner tonight."
"What? Why?"
"We got some recon about a tylium supply in an asteroid field nearby. They need a military escort. It will take a few days."
"Can't someone else do it?" Dee asked.
Lee shrugged. "I told Helo I'd give them a hand. I am CAG, after all. I can't ask my guys to do anything I wouldn't do myself."
"No." Dee nodded. "No, that makes sense." She brushed at the shoulder of his uniform. "Go ahead, Major Adama," she said, standing on her toes and giving him a kiss.
"You sure I'm not in trouble?" Lee asked.
"Orders are orders," Dee said lightly, despite the fact he'd given himself this set. But after all, she told herself, there was no way he could know what she'd meant to tell him that night. "Go. You're not in trouble."
"Thanks." Lee kissed her again, and smiled before he left.
Dee sighed, watching him go. This was getting ridiculous. She was seven weeks pregnant, and he still didn't have a clue.
***
The nice thing about Lee being gone was that Dee had the bed to herself. She took full advantage of the fact, but she must have slept on her shoulder wrong, because the next day it ached all through her shift.
"Dee."
Dee rubbed her shoulder looked up to see Petty Officer Sian standing in front of her. "Hey Amy. What's up?"
"I'm relieving you," Sian said.
"I thought Hoshi was on after me."
Sian shrugged. "Adama told me to take this shift."
Dee rotated her shoulder again, trying to get rid of the nagging pain. "Okay, thanks," she said. "It's all yours." She stood up and made her way out of the CIC.
To her surprise, Noel was waiting outside the CIC. "Lieutenant," he said stiffly. "May I talk to you?" Dee nodded. "I was wondering," Noel continued, "if you'd have dinner with me. I really wanted to talk about some of the things I said, many of which were uncalled for."
Dee felt like hugging him, and smiled widely. "Of course, Lieutenant," she said, and she took the arm that Noel held out. "I'd be delighted to join you. But if you could just wait a minute, I just came off duty.'
"Say no more," Noel said, stepping aside.
Dee ducked into the nearest head. One of the problems of pregnancy, she'd discovered, aside from nausea and exhaustion, was the fact that she constantly had to pee. Making it through a shift was torture.
But when she sat down and saw the drops of blood on her underwear, constant urination didn't seem like torture at all.
For a long moment, all she could do was stare. She didn't remember finishing up or washing or hands or leaving the head, just drifting down the hall, only two words ringing through her head.
My baby…
"Dee?" Noel said, and judging by the alarm in his voice she must look terrible, "what's wrong?"
Dee took a deep breath. "I am pregnant," she admitted, "and there's blood."
Noel's face went completely serious. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her into the nearest set of racks. "Call sickbay," he said, shoving the phone at her. "Call them right now." He punched the numbers in for her.
He stood by her side as she explained the symptoms to Cottle, half wanting to downplay the situation so he'd tell her nothing was wrong, and at the same time wanting to bring out the worst so he'd take it seriously.
"It could be nothing, it could be something," Cottle finally said. "The symptoms you're describing are pretty common in perfectly healthy pregnancies. And if it's not a healthy pregnancy… well, there won't be much we can do at this stage. But if you start seeing bright red blood or having a lot of pain, get down here right away."
"Yes, sir. Thank you." She listened to a few more instructions, and then hung up.
"Well?" Noel said.
"He's not sure of anything," Dee said. "It could be nothing, it could be something."
"Wow. Um."
"You don't have to say it," Dee said, rolling her eyes. "I know you're not exactly approving of this whole idea." Noel went silent, and Dee realized she'd offended him. "What?" she asked.
"If you think I'd wish a miscarriage on you, you don't know me very well at all," he said stiffly.
Dee rubbed her face. "I'm sorry."
"Does Lee know yet?"
"No. It hasn't been the right moment to tell him. And he's still out on that tylium mining mission doing guard duty."
Noel was biting his tongue. "Well, like Cottle said, it might be nothing. Don't worry too much yet, okay? I'm sure it will be fine."
She nodded, and he gently pushed her out of the room. "Come on," he said. "I still owe you that dinner. It will be fine, Dee. Don't worry about it until you know."
Right, Dee thought. Absolutely fine.
***
She didn't sleep well that night, convinced every time she felt any sort of twinge that it meant she was losing the baby. She kept getting up to check just how much blood she was passing, and she couldn't get comfortable on her shoulder. And when she did finally drift off, she fell into a deep enough sleep that she was almost late for her shift.
She had two hours left in her shift when she ducked out to use the head. The blood was heavier now, but still brown, and although her back ached, she'd been sitting for six hours. She firmly told herself she was okay, but as she walked back into the CIC, she began to feel a sharp pain. For a moment she thought it was a stitch, but the pain intensified to the point where she had to double over, clutching at her abdomen.
"Dee," she heard a voice from far away. "Are you okay?"
She looked up to see Felix standing over her. "I'm… not okay," she gasped, trying to stand up and not quite managing.
"Okay. Let's get you to sickbay," Felix said. "Can you walk?" The spasm was easing, and Dee nodded. "Come on," Felix said, looping his arm around her waist. "We'd better go."
Their progress was long and slow, with Dee having to stop twice because of intense cramps. And the entire time, Felix was staring at her, bewildered, not quite sure what was happening. She noticed he didn't ask, and she was grateful.
"What's going on?" Cottle demanded as soon as they entered.
"She's got some sort of abdominal pain," Felix explained. Dee looked up at Cottle, who immediately beckoned for a nurse.
"Is Major Adama around?" he asked.
"He's still on a mission, sir," Felix answered.
"You might want to get him back and get him in here."
"No," Dee said, because she couldn't face Lee right now. "Not until we… no. Felix, can you stay?"
"I'm on duty, Dee. Let me go and I'll get through to Lee and-"
"No!" Dee doubled over again and Cottle began manhandling her onto the bed. "Please, Felix, you stay. At least until I know-"
"You're going to be fine, Dee," Felix said, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Doc Cottle will take good care of you, and I'll come check on you when I'm off." The bed was moving now, and Felix wasn't.
"I'll stay with her," Dee heard someone volunteer.
"You should be-"
"I can hold her hand, Felix. Go. Get back to the CIC. I'll stay with her."
"Okay."
There was a hand then, warm and steady on hers, with long fingers closing around. "Hang on to me," a voice said in her ear. "I'm here."
In the time that had taken, Dee found her uniform off and her tanks pushed up, and Cottle was running something smooth and cold over her abdomen. "Frak. It's ectopic." The hand tightened on hers, and Dee squeezed back. Cottle's face appeared over her. "I'm sorry, Dee." He studied the ultrasound screen again. "Ishay, zoom in on that right there. That mass."
The picture was grainy and blobby; it made no sense at all to Dee. But all she could think was that was the baby who would never be, and she looked away.
A curtain was pulled around her bed, with a strange dotted pattern. She studied it for a moment, Cottle and Ishay arguing in low tones in the background. It had an air of unreality to it, and she closed her eyes. The hand on hers tightened again, and it dawned on her that she had no idea who it belonged to.
When she looked up, she was surprised to see Hoshi sitting by her. He smiled grimly, and squeezed her hand again. "Just hang on," he whispered.
Cottle's face appeared in her vision again. "Dee," he said gruffly, and she faced him as bravely as she could, "the pregnancy is ectopic. You know what that means, right?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"That in itself would be reason enough to consider surgery. But we're also seeing a large mass on your fallopian tube that is very likely a paraovarian cyst. Most of the time these are benign, but coupled with the ectopic pregnancy, I think it's best if we go in there and resolve both problems at once. Understand?"
Dee nodded.
"We're going to get you prepped. You're far enough along and experiencing bleeding already; I don't want to take the chance that you'll hemorrhage."
Dee nodded again. Cottle glanced at Ishay, and Ishay injected something into Dee's arm. A warm, heavy feeling spread over her almost immediately.
"Do you want me to stay?" Hoshi asked her softly.
She looked up at him. He was wearing tanks and sweats, and had a tube hooked to his arm. "Do I need a blood transfusion?" she asked him.
"What?"
"Your arm. Are you giving me blood?"
"We gave her a sedative already," Cottle explained, far above her. "It will only be fifteen minutes before she's ready, and then I want your ass back in your bed, Lieutenant."
"Aye, sir."
"Don't 'aye, sir' me. Just do it."
"Hoshi," Dee was floating, clinging only to the solidity that was Hoshi's hand as people moved over her. "You don't even like me. Why are you here?"
"Because I know what it's like to fight something alone." His other hand covered their joined hands. "I know you can handle it. But you don't have to."
"I'm not alone," she began to say, but her mouth felt heavy. Whatever Cottle had given her was working fast. Instead, she just kept her hand in his and closed her eyes.
On to Part 7
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-06-05 12:04 pm (UTC)And thanks!
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Date: 2009-06-06 12:30 am (UTC)All the different feelings and opinions about having kids in the Fleet are really fascinating, because Narcho and Helo, at opposite ends of the spectrum, both have valid points. It's interesting how much Narcho is juxtaposed with kids in this chapter, not only with Dee's pregnancy but with making toys for the Fleet kids.
It's also so interesting to see Gaeta/Hoshi through the lens of Dee's perspective. Even though she doesn't like Hoshi, I'm so glad that even Dee recognizes that being around Hoshi is helping Felix regain some of his lost confidence and spark.
I love the little Lee-Gaeta-Dee scene with Gaeta drunk (I really like Gaeta drunk or high, if you hadn't noticed ;).) It's friendly and nice, and Lee's just a little clueless, like always, but he has a sense of humor, too.
And then there's that last scene. I was wondering how you were going to pull off another big breakthrough between Dee and Hoshi, and this is shaping up so well. But I also really appreciate all the ground work you've done already, so this one act of compassion doesn't have to bear more weight than it should; Dee and Hoshi have already gotten over a lot of their overt animosity, and what they've got left is more the habit of not liking each other than any specific new beefs. On top of all that, Hoshi knowing about the pregnancy and being able to understand what Dee was going through when Felix didn't know and couldn't figure it out was a really nice parallel to when Hoshi was able to apologize to Felix about the collaborator prejudice when Dee couldn't.
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Date: 2009-06-06 12:41 am (UTC)1) Felix's history of bad taste in men, and everybody knows it. I totally see Felix as having great taste in friends and completely self-destructive taste in lovers, until Hoshi.
2) That detail of how Helo is proud that Sharon is on shuttle duty. Such a perfect little touch!
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Date: 2009-06-06 12:42 am (UTC)Man, when you guessed what was going on, I was half laughing, half crying. I figured someone would pick it up because I WAS laying hints and because of the ending of Softly Tread..., but... yeah. I SO wanted to tell you that you were right. (And certain other times you felt smug- you had the right to, then, too :) )
Dee and Hoshi have already gotten over a lot of their overt animosity, and what they've got left is more the habit of not liking each other than any specific new beefs.
This. Yay! This is exactly what I was going for. One of the things I've been triyng to show too is that Dee's realizing that everyone else sees a very different Hoshi than she does. Lee's respected him for most of the fic, minus that moment in CIC when Hoshi called him out. There are two reasons he never called Hoshi on his shit- partly because he realized it would only give credence to what Hoshi was saying, and partly because he genuinely understood that Hoshi was a damn good officer. She's always seen that Noel has a lot of respect for Hoshi, but she's chalked that up to everyone's got to have friends. But then Felix liked him right off the bat, Helo likes him, she found out about Cain and Belzen (or bits of the story, anyway), there's a section early in the next chapter where it's clear that Ishay really likes him (not a big spoiler, given that he's able to get the morpha off her in the webisodes)... Dee's starting to realize that she's really seen a very specific facet of him, and she doesn't know him at all. And I think he's making a similar revelation, we just aren't seeing it as much yet.
But yeah, it's going to still be a struggle for them. :)
I'm really glad you're enjoying this, and I'm very glad the revelation worked for you, especially since you did guess. Thank you!!!! :)