I Was THAT Mother

[lls_mutant]

::Sigh::

So, continuing on from yesterday's spider bite adventure....

When we got up this morning, Toby's bite looked a LOT better. As in, so much better that if I hadn't gone to the urgent care clinic last night, I would have totally canceled the doctor's appointment. But I did go to the urgent care clinic, and they prescribed antibiotics. And when I posted, krisomniac gave me some very helpful advice as to why that might not be so beneficial.

So, I went to my doctor, because when it's your own practitioner, they're more concerned with giving you accurate medical information than covering their own ass against litigation. (Which says something to me about the litigation in this country.) The doctor examined Toby, took him off the antibiotics, and gave me a lecture about why it's a really bad idea to visit a clinic that's located in a store that sells drugs. Conflict of interest, much? Which, y'know, frustrates me because normally I would have thought of that.

I have to be honest, a part of me is left really angry. I mean, at first, I was content to wait until I went to the doctor's. But lymes disease- especially around where I live- is pretty publicized. One of the reasons I usually DON'T watch the news is because news shows make it sound like every park is harboring millions of disease-bearing ticks. What I really wanted to know was if Toby had a tick bite. I wasn't super worried until I went to the minute clinic, and then she told me that even though I had a doctor's appointment in the morning, she'd have it looked at tonight. And if a nurse tells you that, wouldn't it be irresponsible to do anything else?

You know what it is? I feel like my trust has been a bit abused. Because I'm NOT that kind of doctor. I'm fine if something's been dead for millions of years, but my living kid? No, I'm not a doctor. And that's why I pay doctors, because they are experts on kids health. Or they're meant to be.

It's not that this nurse told me that she didn't know what the bite was, or that she was uncomfortable treating a three year old (which I totally get). It's that she stressed that I should have him seen that night. THAT'S when I really got scared. I was nervous but okay before that.

So, I felt like a total idiot, and apologized to my doctor for wasting his time. He told me not to apologize (especially since he gets paid anyway, I'm sure ;) ), and he sat me down and we talked a little bit about urgent care and the role of a practitioner and why the only two places I should be were his office or the emergency room. Basically, if I don't think I need to go to the emergency room for it, it can wait until the next day. Which, you know, is something I'd never need to be told for myself, but when you have a kid...

There's that quote about how having a child is like deciding to walk around with your heart outside of your body forever. I totally understand that now. If that bite had been on me? I would have done nothing. But it was on my child, and that scared me, I think because I felt like I had no control. If it was me, I'd know exactly how I was feeling, and if something started bothering me in the middle of the night, I'd know I know it. But I don't trust my three year old to be accurate yet. I don't know.

Of course, none of this is helped by the fact my period is due. Apparently, instead of turning into a psychobitch this time, I'm going for the emotional oversensitivity. I've been on the verge of tears several times today, and normally, I wouldn't be. Also, when I went to the grocery store, I noticed I had a stack that had 1.) double dutch chocolate muffins, 2.) double dutch chocolate cookies, and 3.) Midol.

The cashier might have laughed when she saw that part of my order.

In good news, I got Chapter 7 back from my beta. I was a little worried about this one, and while trovia had some comments, they were not unexpected or difficult to work into the chapter. The problem with this chapter is that there's very little action and it's a lot of more subtle stuff, although it's important to the story. I am glad I finally got the final scene done though (it did have to be split in two.)

So, yeah. I was That Mother. I'm ready to crawl in my hole and die now :)

Comments

[cariadusclan.livejournal.com]

Oh, i can so relate to that whole kid health drama. *hugs* It's waaaay different when it's your kid.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

thanks! It is. It sucks.

Thanks for the hugs! :)

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely justified. You can use judgement and experience when it's you; when it's a child, everything is more serious because they can't do that yet and you can't do it for them. *hugs* I'd have done exactly the same for my cat which might make you smile!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It does make me smile, and makes me realize either a.) I'm normal, or b.) everyone else is as crazy as me! :)

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

*hugs* you aren't THAT mother, you're just A mother trying to navigate the (very) muddy waters of medical advice.

I feel like my trust has been a bit abused.

Because it has, a bit. And, short of spending seven years in medical school, unfortunately you need that trust. The other side of this coin is that there is a lot of art in the science of medicine as well, so one doctor's YES is another one's NO, and all you can do is get as much information as you can.

I mean, hell, I do this for a living and I still agonize over when to bring Henry to the emergency room versus when to wait out the most recent trouble that he's gotten into. :)

Hang in there. You're doing good.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. And thanks again for the great advice- I really do appreciate it! I know nothing about biology. If it hasn't been dead for millions of years, I ain't interested :)

[magnetic-pole.livejournal.com]

Don't feel badly about it, sweetie--most of us would have done the exact same thing (and the rest have a doctor in the family they would have consulted). Sorry you had such a stressful evening-- M.

[rinelk.livejournal.com]

This is the sort of thing which makes me very happy with my wife. Knowing there's an in-house pediatrician makes me much more comfortable allowing Sage to take risks, and chills me out when something unexpected happens. But for her, I've no idea how hard it would be to navigate these issues.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Heh. Cheater!!! :) That does make it easier, doesn't it? On the other hand, I've heard it can be harder because as a doctor, you know what the worst case scenario also is. Although it doesn't sound like that's the case.

[rinelk.livejournal.com]

Well, that does happen, too. When I was freaking out about the possibility of autism a while back, the biggest cause was that Sage wasn't doing any pointing. Without Beth's advice, I wouldn't have cared about that at all, and probably wouldn't have gotten stressed out about Sage's development before she caught up enough that there was no reason to. It still seems to me like a clear net positive to have a doctor in the family, but I was emotionally in a really bad way for a few days because of it.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! It's nice to know I'm either normal or not the only crazy one ;)

[trovia.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't worry. Even I am That Mother. I might not have children. But I'm That Daughter or That Room Mate instead. I'm That Woman in general whenever I'm responsible for something that could harm somebody else, whenever that person can't take care of it themselves...

I should really be glad that I don't plan on having any children, huh? ;)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

LOL! It does make you freak out incredibly. It's nice to know I'm either normal, or not the only crazy one! :)

Thanks!

[frolicndetour.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Really, you shouldn't beat yourself up. I mean, given the choice (which you were), any caring parent would err on the side of caution when it comes to their child's health.

And speaking of getting taken for a ride, um, someday I'll tell you how much money I spent on what turned out to be my cat's bladder infection. The e-vet just kept recommending more tests and scaring me with more dire possibilities and bye-bye, checking account. So, I understand. :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. It's nice to hear that other people do the same thing. ::sigh:: I hope your cat feels better! :)

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

There are far worse things than being that mother. Looking forward to that chapter

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

And hope you enjoy it! (I'm gonna tell Hoshi to shut his frakking mouth and get to your Chief/Kaylee fic tomorrow.)

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

Yay! Something to look forward to to get me through my 7 hour shift.

[prophetkristy.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! Glad everything turned out okay. I personally don't think you can be too careful. As long as you're not taking antibiotics here there and everywhere (I also have a high horse about contributing to antibiotic resistance). I'm not sure your trust was necessarily abused. I think rather those types of doctors, because they're not your primary care providers and don't know the history, have to go with the quick and most likely prognosis to cover bases. This can be annoying, though, like when they don't listen to your symptoms and just conclude you have what everyone else currently has (I had a doctor like this at the student health clinic in college, which we lovingly called Student Death to remind ourselves that the doctors who worked there couldn't get a job in a real hospital }:> ).

If I ever have kids, I will totally be That Mother (I better hope I have good insurance). Knowing microbiology can make you extra paranoid ;-)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I believe it!

Yeah, one thing I really like about my doctor is he doesn't overmedicate. The other is that even when he doesn't really believe me (like with Toby's eating), he'll send us to the right specialist anyway. I think he still believes Toby's eating issues were behavioral, but I don't care. He's gotten treated and he's getting better.

Thanks so much!

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

Don't feel too bad Honestly, he's your kid. He had a giant bite, the nurse made you worried... I don't think you did anything wrong. You're a parent, and while I am not a parent myself, I happen to have parents, and they inform me constantly that that's what parents do. ♥

But, you know, failing being cheered by my pep-talk, go straight for the chocolate. It works wonders. :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! And your pep talk was good.

So was the chocolate ;)

[tin-o-biscuits.livejournal.com]

*hugs, offers Ghiradelli double fudge brownies* There's nothing wrong with that. You're so not THAT Mother. THOSE Mothers nest around here, the ones that don't even let their kids outside and keep the houses all museum-like. Sometimes I become THAT Mother (sort of) by going to WebMD for what is usually just a bug going around and fifteen minutes later I'm sure I have scurvy, hyperglycemia, a tumor, and hysteric blindness. *hug again* You're totally awesome and I wish you were my mum sometimes.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reality check! (Especially that I'm almost old enough to be your mother. Eek! :) ) And yeah, my kids' favorite thing to do is go throw rocks in the creek and come home dripping wet and muddy, so yeah.

Thanks :)

[tin-o-biscuits.livejournal.com]

omg no you're not. Stop that. Maybe i should revise- I wish you were my awesome nighbour I could hang out with all the time. &hearts

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

Don't beat yourself up. First of all, it was important to find out if it was a tick or not. Especially as it was near his ear, you know? Lyme's is a serious problem, and you were absolutely right to have the bite looked at as soon as possible to ascertain that much at least. Your description of the bite sounded pretty ick, you know? I mean, it wasn't your typical mosquito or horsefly bite.

(And insects DO carry disease. I know this personally because I had West Nile a few years ago. I was attacked by mosquitoes on a trip to St. Louis of all places, and a couple days later came down with fever and a rash. Initially, I treated the bites with the typical topical creams. When the other symptoms appeared, I went to the doc.)

That said, now you know about why antibiotics randomly prescribed are bad and what to do in the future. Really, Lissa, this is how we learn. Trial and error. Not to mention it's always better to err on the side of caution. Don't beat yourself up, and you're not a bad parent! It was an unusual bite and you were right to have it looked at. It's not like you take them to the doctor for every single sniffle. *HUGS*

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Reality checks are good. West Nile? Ick- I'm glad you got that one checked out!

Thanks so much :)

[aome.livejournal.com]

Don't beat yourself up too badly. I think sometimes the peace of mind is worth an occasional, "I'm probably being stupid, but..." trip to the medical community. As you've pointed out, little kids are not always good indicators of their actual well-being, and, being small, they can be more easily affected by stuff that rolls right off us. I don't want to be That Mother, either, but sometimes I think a little bit of paranoia is worth not lying awake and wibbling over "What if it's serious??"

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Reality checks are good. :) Yeah, my mom said, "so, what you really did was pay 25 bucks for a good night's sleep. How much would you have paid when Trevor was still getting up?" The answer was definitely a lot more than 25 bucks :)

Thanks! :)

[kappamaki33.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear everything turned out all right. You're *not* That Mother, though--if you were, you'd either 1) not be self-aware enough on this point to even be questioning whether or not he needed the urgent care visit last night, or 2) not care about what your family practitioner said at all, and you very obviously don't fall into either of those categories. Don't sweat it--you did the best you could with what you knew, and that's all anybody can do. ;) Looking forward to Chapter 7 as well!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for the reality check! It's always good to get them.

Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

[daybreak777.livejournal.com]

From everything you've written in your journal, I think you are a good mother. Everything turned out okay. I think that the nurse asked you to come in for the same reason you came in, it's hard to diagnose someone over the phone. If it had been serious, they would have sent you to the emergency room, I suppose.

At night when no one's available everything seems worse. And no one is more vulnerable than a mother with a sick child. I think you did the right thing. We can only trust those who went to school for these things. As much as you can trust anyone, I guess.

Your boys are going to grow up all right. As for you, dutch chocolate can help a lot! :-)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Reality checks are good, and chocolate is even better! :)

[krabapple.livejournal.com]

Awww! I agree with everyone -- don't be too hard on yourself!

Also, and it could be *my* hormones talking, but I think you definitely did the best you could at the time, and following up with your doctor was a good choice. Toby was not on the antibiotics for long, and while you had a good chat with your doctor, I hope that it was not as "lecture-y" as it sounds -- I hope your doctor did not add to your feelings of inadequacy and anxiety!

[bmars.livejournal.com]

There's a time and a place for urgent care. While I probably wouldn't have advised it myself under those circumstances, it's not at all unreasonable. Did you call the pediatrician's office before going in to urgent care? That's about my only advice -- especially if he's going to lecture you for using other services, he darned well should be willing to give you phone advice!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I did and I didn't. I was supposed to see him the next morning. I was fine with that until the nurse told me that she would have it seen THAT NIGHT, even knowing that I had an appointment the next morning. That was where I kind of lost it.

::Sigh:: Oh well. All's well that ends well, right? :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

It probably wasn't. I get so defensive in certain situations because I AM a smart woman, and when I feel dumb, I really feel dumb :) Thanks so much! :)

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

The nurse's job is to examine and refer - and a doctor who doesn't know your child and already have a rapport with you is more likely to err on the side of caution. And yeah, your doctor shouldn't be lecturing about only going to see him/her if they're not available 24/7! You have to care for your children 24/7, so don't beat yourself up about it and second guess yourself. You got medical advice and followed it - and you know how you'd feel if you hadn't gone to emergency care and it HAD been serious.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Reality checks are definitely good things :)

[busaikko]

Worrying about your children's health is not a bad thing. It's not an embarrassing thing. Taking care of your child is not a sign of neurosis. No worries. You are your child's advocate, and it's a job that needs being taken seriously.

I've been to the doctors bazillions of times, and often get the 'it's just a cold/flu eyeroll', but sometimes? It's broken bones or pneumonia or hideous infections or caterpillar-hair rashes or lord knows what. Better safe than sorry. (And when I'm in the US, urgent care is what I use, mainly cause they take VISA....)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I was in need of a good reality check, I think, and I appreciate it :)