FIC: A Lot to Live Up To (Part 15)
Aug. 14th, 2009 07:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantTitle: A Lot to Live Up To, Part 15
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dee, Hoshi, Gaeta, and Narcho
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: When everything comes crashing down, there's always some way to find hope.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part through Guess What's Coming to Dinner
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome betatrovia!
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14
"This is not happening," Dee repeated. "I don't understand any of this. This is not happening." She listened to the even beat of her own footsteps, wondering if it was possible to lose her mind and yet say perfectly sane at the same time.
It must be, because that's what was happening to the whole frakking Fleet.
She was almost halfway down the corridor when she realized she was going the wrong way for the officer's racks. Even telling herself she'd been headed for the gym couldn't cover the fact she'd been heading for the quarters that she had shared with Lee. She stopped sharply and reversed, glaring around as if daring anyone to notice.
Given that most people were still winding down from the Fleet's near-escape from the Cylon attack, no one noticed Dee doing something as ordinary as turning around.
She let herself into the officer's racks just as Felix was stepping out. He was still in his uniform, but the fact he was buttoning the jacket and the bite-shaped bruise where neck met shoulder indicated he'd most definitely been out of it. He nodded to her, his face an odd combination of stricken and happy, and then hurried off without a word.
"I had a feeling you'd be in bed," Dee laughed when she saw Louis reclining on his own bunk and wearing only his tanks and shorts and reading a book. When he glanced up from the pages, his smile was serene. Dee cocked her head. "What are you so happy about?" she asked, opening her own, still-unorganized locker. "That's the first real smile I've seen all day."
"I have reason to smile," Louis said enigmatically.
"Really," Dee said wryly.
"We did just inexplicably survive a Cylon attack," Louis pointed out, licking his thumb and turning a page. "That's reason to be happy."
"Despite Starbuck's mysterious reappearance?"
Louis shrugged. "Doesn't mean much to me. Aside from the very strong possibility she's a Cylon and the very weak possibility she actually knows the way to Earth, I couldn't care less. I'd rather read my book."
Dee shook her head, and then did a double take. "Where'd you get a book, anyway?"
"Racetrack finally finished it. There's a waiting list- I've been on it for months."
Dee tried to catch the title, and her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. The paper cover was worn and wrinkled, but she could still make out the scantily clad woman swooning in a muscle-bound Adonis's arms, their hair blowing in the wind.
"You're kidding. That's the copy of The Innocent Governess that's been floating around, isn't it?" Louis nodded, eyes still fixed on the pages. "You're reading a bodice ripper?"
"No. I'm reading high brow literature dealing with moral dilemmas and complicated choices. Yes, Dee, I'm reading a bodice ripper."
Dee goggled at that. "Well, where the hell is Felix?"
"Drinking with Zarek. Would you please shut up and leave me alone? I'm at a good part."
"Baltar's been acquitted, we lost power when we hit the Ionian Nebula, the Cylons attacked and went away again for no good reason, Starbuck came back from the dead, Felix is drinking with Zarek, and you want me to shut up because you're at the good part of a heterosexual bodice ripper novel?"
"YES!"
Dee considered it. "Can I read it when you're done?"
***
Did you see them? When she got out of the Viper? He was the first one to hug her… I heard his wife left him, you know. It must have been over that, everyone knew they were frakking…. He loves her. I've always known he loves her…. The Admiral must be thrilled….
Everywhere Dee went, she heard the whispers about Starbuck.
They weren't whispers for Noel, or for Louis, or even for Felix. They all told her they heard the conversations at normal level, if not shouted. But when Dee was in the room, they dropped to whispers.
It shouldn't hurt her, but it did.
***
"I'm not giving up my squadron," was the first thing Noel said when Dee found him. He clapped his hand over the patch on his uniform. "I worked too frakking hard for this. I am not handing it over to some Cylon bitch!"
"Has anyone asked you to?" Dee said, surprised.
"No," Noel admitted. "But they will. You watch. They will."
"I doubt it, Noel," Dee said. They were sitting in the ready room, Noel chewing on the end of a pen as he went over his lists. "Lee wouldn't do that."
"Lee?"
"I assume… now that he's done Baltar's trial and everything…" Dee faltered.
Noel looked sad. "Dee, haven't you heard? Lee's leaving Galactica."
"What?"
"It was on the wireless, and Helo announced it to the pilots at the last briefing. Lee's going to be the Caprican representative to the Quorum of Twelve."
"What?" Dee was glad she was sitting. "Noel, what the… he never… I never… What the frak?"
Noel raised his eyebrows at her and went back to writing. Dee tried to absorb it. Lee. Lee Adama. In civilian politics.
But the thing was, aside from the fact he knew nothing about it, she could see it. As her brain adjusted to the idea, it made sense.
"I'm surprised that President Roslin put him up for it," she mused.
Noel looked up from his papers again. "She didn't," he said shortly. "Vice President Zarek did." He sighed as Dee's expression started turning to a glare. "Come on," he said. "When are you and Louis both going to accept that the man is no longer a terrorist? He's done a lot of good for the Fleet. I know you aren't big on vigilante justice, but be honest. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Felix that was almost killed, you'd never even know about the Circle, and you might have even supported it." Noel looked her straight in the eyes as he said that, and Dee flushed uncomfortably. "People do change."
"I still can't help thinking he'd blow us all to hell if he thought it was the only way he'd get power."
"He's not after power," Noel denied. "He's after a vision. And yeah," he admitted, "he'd probably blow us all up if he thought it would accomplish that. But I somehow think he's not going to have to. President Roslin's sick, and when she passes away…" Noel shrugged.
"You're awfully quick to give up on cancer patients," Dee said sourly.
Noel shrugged. "It's a knee-jerk reaction. But in Roslin's case, from what they were saying on the wireless, it might be an accurate one." He shrugged again. "You know, if I was her, I'm not sure how hard I'd fight it anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, look at the hell cancer patients go through. You saw what Louis was going through first hand, and from what he's told me and what I…" Noel looked down at his reports again and took a deep breath, "from what I saw on Gemenon, this was an easy round for him. But if Roslin's cancer is as bad as they were implying the other night, she very well might not make it. Why put yourself through all of that, when all we have to live for is day after day of this?" He gestured around.
"Why are you flying?" Dee asked. "Why are you fighting, instead of just leaving the military?"
Noel's face darkened. "Because that's what's right," he said. "The frakkers took everything we had. Why wouldn't I fight them? It's not so much that I've got something to fight for as I've got something to fight about."
"You have things to fight for," Dee said, a little stung. "You have friends."
"I do," Noel agreed, and his face softened as their eyes met. He smiled at her. "Don't mind me, Dee," he said, and she realized his smile was sad. "I lost two pilots in the Cylon attack."
"I'm sorry," Dee said. She hesitated. "First ones?" Noel nodded, his face closed. "Should I let you finish your work?"
"Yeah, if you don't mind." Noel looked back down at his papers. "I've got to sort this mess out."
"All right. I'll see you around." Dee stood up and left. But before she exited the ready room, she turned back around. Noel's head was cradled in his hands, and Dee had the feeling it had nothing to do with pilots. She also knew he wasn't going to talk to her about it.
She quietly let herself out.
***
Dee had been avoiding the Admiral ever since she left Lee, and she'd had the sense he'd been avoiding her, as well. But the news of Lee's new position sent her straight to the hatch of his quarters. At the sight of the familiar door, her nerve failed her and she stood still, taking a deep breath and trying to gather it up again. The door opened.
"Lieutenant Dualla," President Roslin said, pulling back in shock. She recovered and gave Dee a smile. "It's a pleasure to see you."
"And you, Madame President." The President looked pale and nervous, even under the composure she was mustering up for Dee. Thinking of the chamalla and the courtroom, Dee felt an overwhelming surge of sympathy. "I hope you're doing well."
President Roslin drew in a deep breath and winked. "I'll be better in a day or two," she said, sounding almost sassy. Dee smiled.
"I'm sure you will be, ma'am."
The Admiral stepped out of the cabin. "I looked over that roster, Laura, and I think we can spare-" he stopped as he saw Dee. "Lieutenant."
Dee saluted. "Admiral."
"Did you need me?"
"I can come back another time, sir," she said.
Adama looked at Roslin, and then back over his shoulder. "Wait in my study," he said. "I'll be with you in a few minutes. I just want to walk the President to her destination."
"Of course, sir." Dee stepped aside. "Madame President."
Adama offered Roslin his arm, and then gave Dee a small grin as they left. Dee obediently went through the hatch and into the study. It didn't take a genius to figure out where they were going. Dee remembered Felix telling her he'd walked Louis to his first treatment, and kissed him goodbye at the door to sickbay. She shook her head, because the image of the Admiral and the President kissing wasn't one she wanted. But she had to admit that she was starting to believe it was possible.
She wandered around Adama's office, peering at the pictures. She knew them, of course, and he'd told her the stories behind them all, except one. He'd never had to explain the one of her and Lee, standing and laughing with drinks in their hands, their arms wrapped around each other. And it was still there, in its usual spot.
She turned away and sat down on the sofa, looking instead at a picture of Roslin and Adama smiling together. Technically, it was probably in some official capacity, but yeah. Felix was right.
The hatch opened, and Adama came in and sat down across from her.
"It's a good picture," Dee said, pointing to it. "You and the President."
"I like it," he agreed.
"You know," Dee said slowly, "someone was wondering why she does it. Why she's going to fight the cancer when there's so little left to live for. It's because she's living for us, isn't it? Because she wants the people to find a home? To find justice, to find civilization? She's fighting for what she believes in, no matter what it costs her?"
"Yes," Adama confirmed. "Sometimes the greatest sacrifices aren't in death, but in life. She doesn't have to die to save her people… she needs to live to do it."
Dee nodded, still staring at the picture. To her surprise, her eyes were tearing up, and the picture blurred in front of her into a mass of grays and blacks and flesh tones. "I'm sorry, sir," she heard herself saying. "I shouldn't be commenting on the personal affairs of the President."
Adama sighed deeply. "As I understand it," he said slowly, "you're not really commenting on the personal affairs of the President."
Dee sniffled. "I'm trying to be subtle, sir," she said, with a bitter half-laugh.
He smiled sadly. "I know. But I think we'd both benefit if you didn't. You've never been overly subtle, Dee. You're direct. You're honest. Don't change that." He sighed. "You heard Lee's leaving."
"Yes."
"If you wanted, you could go with him, with my blessing," Adama said. He studied her. "But you don't want to, do you?" Dee shook her head, and Adama gave a small smile. "I don't blame you."
"I just…."
Adama stood up, and automatically, Dee did, too. What she didn't expect was the fatherly hug he gave her, holding her tight. She stood frozen for a moment, and then buried her face in his shoulder, tears streaking her face. "It's all right," Adama said, stroking her hair. "No one's mad at you, Dee. I understand."
He probably did. Lee and his father had always been at odds, and she'd seen Adama's face after Lee had exposed Roslin's cancer. And yet, they were still father and son, and she was still just Dee. The ex-wife, now. She pulled away and wiped her cheeks, and then gave Adama her best professional smile.
"I'm not quite sure what I dropped by to say, sir. I just felt like I needed to."
He nodded. "Maybe, when this is all over and we find Earth…."
"Maybe," Dee agreed. "Then again, he might not want to."
"He will," Adama denied.
"Kara," Dee pointed out. The word had never been spoken between them before, not in this context, but there was no surprise on Adama's face.
"I told you before, Dee," Adama said quietly, "no one can replace you."
"I know, sir. Thank you." She saluted once more, and let herself out.
***
Dee looked down at the plaque one more time, and then resolved not to look at it again. She glanced to her side, and Felix winked at her, and Noel stuck his tongue out. She couldn't help a little smile, but it faded fast. Once this was done… once this was over….
"Attention to order!" Helo shouted, and Dee snapped to attention with everyone else.
Lee entered the hangar deck, bags in hand. He looked around, shocked. Well, he would be, Dee realized. Lee was never presumptuous enough to assume this kind of honor. Not half the crew, standing in their dress grays. She snapped her eyes back to Colonel Tigh.
"In recognition of honorable, loyal, and faithful service, Madam President, Admiral of the Colonial Fleet, ladies and gentlemen: Major Lee Adama. Salute!" he ordered.
The entire contingent snapped to a salute. Dee clutched the plaque harder, holding her posture ramrod straight until Lee saluted back at them all. He was about to cry- she could see that so clearly. And she couldn't blame him.
Helo started the applause, and Dee was grateful. It broke that awful moment of realization that Major Lee Adama didn't exist anymore, that it was only Representative Adama, civilian and servant to the people. And like the politician he was becoming, Lee began to shake hands, starting with Helo. He moved down the line, smiling and hugging.
"Good luck," she heard him say to Felix, shaking his hand.
"You, too, sir," Felix answered, because habits weren't easily broken for him.
Lee smiled at him, but the smile nearly faded as he came face to face with Dee. Dee lifted her chin and gave him the plaque. His face melted as he looked at it and said goodbye to a part of himself.
"Thank you," he said. He hugged her tightly, and Dee hugged him back. "Well, it looks like you got the house," he said wryly. "I'll miss you."
Funny. It had hurt all the way up to that moment. But when she looked at Lee, ready to go out and fight for the people, open and honest before her, it hurt a little less.
She finally smiled at him. "Goodbye, Lee."
"Look after yourself," he said.
Don't go a little part of her wanted to yell. Maybe you're right. Maybe we should talk this over… But he turned to face his father, and even as they hugged, she knew they shouldn't. This was the right decision, the right choice.
They watched as Lee climbed into his Raptor. Noel was still waving and applauding, but his eyes were on Dee, and Felix reached out and squeezed her hand.
***
"Dee." Helo caught her by the arm the next day. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure, Helo." Dee fell into step beside him. "What's up?"
Helo looked around, sighed, and then gestured for Dee to follow him back to his family quarters. Dee didn't mind at all. The Agathon quarters, while a bit messy and tight, had bright colors, scattered crayons, and signs of family and life. It hurt to look at what could have been, and yet it was an enormous comfort to know that some people still had it.
Helo poured her a glass of water and gestured to the chair. Dee took both curiously, the warmth fleeing as he sat down across from her, looking worried.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing's wrong, per se," Helo said. "Has the Admiral told you about a mission?"
"No, nothing. Why?"
"Well, then, I'm not telling you either," Helo said significantly. Dee nodded understanding, and Helo took a long drink. "He's decided to follow up on Starbuck telling him she knows where Earth is," he said finally. "He's sending an exploratory mission."
"Oh."
"Right. We'll be gone two months. The thing is, he's sending me and Sharon."
"Both of you?" Dee asked, surprised.
"He's got no choice," Helo sighed. "If we run into Cylons, Sharon's the best person to be there. And I'm Kara's XO. There's no one else with the experience that he can trust with that job."
"What about Hera?" Dee asked.
"Well, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about. I'm hoping we won't be gone for the whole two months, but we very likely will. Sharon and I have discussed it, and we would be very grateful if you would take Hera for us."
Dee stared at Helo in astonishment.
"I know I'm springing this on you in the last minute," Helo said, "but we only just found out that we're going, and the family that's supposed to get Hera if something happens to us just had a new baby. If we don't come back, they'll still take her, but since this is a temporary arrangement…."
He looked so worried, so scared of what might happen to his little family. Dee's heart broke for him. She reached out and touched his hand.
"Of course I will, Helo. Just tell me what to do."
***
It was late when she finally made it back to the racks, and when she did, she entered to find one of the mattresses dragged to the floor, courtesy of Felix, Louis, and Noel.
"Why did you put the mattress on the floor?" Dee asked, staring down at where Felix and Louis were sitting. Felix was leaning against a locker and Louis was half-reclining between Felix's legs, laying against his chest. She looked away hurriedly, feeling almost like she'd walked in on them having sex.
"It's more comfortable than the rack," Felix said. "Less crowded."
"It's also a pain to walk around."
"So don't walk around it." Noel was sitting at the other end. "Join us."
"There's not much room."
"Sure there is," Noel said. He leaned against the opposite locker and spread his legs open. "Come on. We don't have much time."
"Duty calls," Dee said dryly. After her conversation with Helo, she understood exactly why the Admiral had put her on the graveyard shift tonight. She stripped off her jacket and kicked off her boots like the others, and then settled down between Noel's legs. Louis pulled his feet up further to make room for her, but after she sat he extended his legs again.
"Hey," Dee said, nudging his calf with her toe.
"I was here first," Louis said smugly. His smugness only increased as Felix casually kissed his neck. Dee glanced back at Noel, and for some reason he looked angry.
"Anyway, Dee," Noel said, "the topic of discussion is Earth. Or more accurately, Kara Thrace: zombie, Cylon, or big fat liar?"
"She's not a Cylon," Dee sighed. "There's no frakking way I'd be that lucky."
Felix snorted appreciatively, and his hand traced over Louis's arm and down to his hand and fingers. "So you think she's right about Earth?" Felix asked her.
"I'd be more convinced it if was Racetrack saying she'd found Earth," Dee said, and they all laughed at that. "It would be nice if she had, though." She sighed. "I love Galactica, but Gods, can you imagine what Earth must be like?"
Louis shrugged. "Actually, no," he admitted. "I don't have the first clue."
"Fresh air, sunsets, and an ocean," Felix said wistfully. "I really want to see an ocean again." He slipped his arms down around Louis, and Dee wondered if he'd been drinking. "And houses, instead of racks. Private houses."
Louis blinked, and then looked back at him with an expression Dee almost categorized as incredulous.
"Other people," Noel said. "I wonder what the people on Earth are like."
Dee twisted around. "What would you like it to be like?"
"I don't know," Noel admitted. "Lots of open space. You know what I'd like? I'd like to find a small town, and just move there with a few people from the Fleet."
"A small town?" Felix asked.
"Sure." Noel began warming to the idea. "A small town on a plain. Something with high grass waving in the wind and farms nearby, and maybe near a desert."
"Um, Noel?" Louis said, "you realize you just put a farm in a desert?"
"Shut up, this is my fantasy. Ranches, then. Is that better?"
"Much. Continue."
"I'd leave the military and open my garage, and not tell anyone in the town where I was really from."
"Anyone?" Felix asked. "You said a few other people from the Fleet."
"Yeah, well, you three would move there and… and start your own ranch."
Louis stared at him, and Dee began to giggle. "Our own ranch?" she said.
"Sure. You and Louis are both Sagittarons."
"My parents weren't farmers," Dee said.
"Sure they were. So you two would tame the wild horses that we'd find running in the desert."
"Noel-"
"Shut up, Felix. I'm creating here, respect my artistic integrity. We'd find wild horses in the desert, and Dee and Louis could break them because Gods know that if the two of you can break each other, a horse should be no problem. And Felix can do the books for the ranch and my garage, and we'll all live on the edge of town."
"On the same ranch?" Louis said.
"On the same ranch."
Dee considered this. "Okay, and what about you and me? These two are off in their own little world together, but do we get sex and love?"
"Nah," Noel said. "No one from Earth is ever going to understand and we're all frakked up, so let's not bring complications into this."
"All right," Dee said agreeably. She thought of Hera. "But I'd still like a baby at some point."
"Well, that's no problem," Noel said, draping his arms around her. "We'll knock you up."
"We?" Felix and Louis both asked together.
"Sure, why not? I mean, you guys want kids eventually, right?"
"Uh-"
"Well, you do, in my world. So the four of us live together in one house. And we have sex with Dee- I really think we can all manage that, at least once a month- and eventually she gets pregnant. And then we have a beautiful baby for the four of us to raise, and we never know who the kid's father really is because it's not important. Unless his ears stick out, and then we can all assume it's Louis's."
"Funny," Louis said, kicking Noel.
"I thought so."
"So the four of us live together. Won't that be kind of weird?"
"Nope."
"No?"
"Because every now and then we'd have a foursome."
They all exploded into laughter, Felix laughing into Louis's shoulder, Dee leaning back against Noel, Noel slipping his arms around her waist as they laughed together. Every time the laughter began to peter out, one of them would look at another, try to imagine a foursome, and the laughter would begin again. Dee didn't surrender until her sides hurt so badly that she had to stop.
"Gods," Felix said, wiping at his eyes, "I needed that."
"You and me both, baby," Louis agreed. He twisted around, eyes fixed on Felix's face, and Felix leaned down to kiss him again. Louis sighed. "I'm not looking forward to this."
Suddenly, Dee realized what was happening. "You're going away for two months," she said to Louis.
Louis shook his head. "Felix is."
"You know about the mission?" Felix asked.
"Helo told me."
They were all serious now, but the echo of their laughter lingered, keeping them wrapped in a warmth that permeated the small room. Louis sighed and nestled back tighter into the circle of Felix's arms, and Dee realized that Noel still had his arms around her. She wished she could fall asleep here, her head against the warm solidity of his chest, and keep this fleeting happiness held tight.
They all must have felt the same way, because no one spoke. No one wanted to break the mood until they had to.
The alarm Felix had set went off.
***
"Demetrius, this is Galactica. Do you read me?" Dee said, adjusting her headset.
The line crackled, and then Felix's voice was in Dee's ear. "Copy that, Galactica. Everything looks good from here."
"You all set?"
"I think so. Mag locks secure, Raptors locked down… we're spooling up the FTL drive."
Dee looked across the CIC, and Louis turned in his seat and met her eyes. "Copy that, Demetrius." She glanced at the Admiral, who gave her a thumbs up. "You're good to go."
"Board is green. Tactical on?"
"I'm here," Louis said.
Dee could imagine Felix looking around on the bridge of the Demetrius, making sure no one was paying attention. "We'll be back," he promised, his voice low and rough.
"I know," Louis said. "We'll be waiting. Good hunting."
Dee glanced at Adama and Tigh who were also listening in, but neither of them seemed to pick up on anything personal in the communication. Louis's face was set into a hard expression, professional and focused.
"Counting down," Felix said. "Jumping in five… four… three… two… one."
Dee craned her neck, and could just barely see the Demetrius flick off the DRADIS screen. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them and got back to work.
Across the CIC, she saw Louis do the same.
***
It wasn't just that the Demetrius mission was an exploratory one that kept Dee from dwelling on Felix's absence, it was that she had responsibilities of her own. At the end of her shift, she made her way down to the daycare to pick up Hera Agathon.
"Hi, kiddo," Dee said as Hera came running to her. "How was your day?"
"Good. Are Mommy and Daddy coming home today?"
"Not today," Dee said. "It's just you and me." She cringed, anticipating a tantrum, but Hera just shrugged and took her hand.
"All right."
As they walked back to the Agathon quarters, Hera told Dee all about the inner workings of Raptors, how Miss Krista told her she was naughty for pushing Nicky, and how Timmy got an eraser stuck up his nose. She held Dee's hand and brandished a picture of a pair of stick figures, both in blue, one with long black hair and one with short spikes- obviously meant to be Helo and Athena. Dee praised her to the skies.
She opened the hatch and let them in. "Are you staying here tonight?" Hera asked her.
"Yes," Dee said. "I'm staying here until your mommy and daddy come home."
"That sounds good. Let's color," Hera suggested.
The evening passed easily. Hera was cooperative, playing nicely, eating her dinner, using the potty. She even went to bed easily, leaving Dee to sit in the silence of the quarters.
For the first time since she'd left Lee, Dee had time to just sit and think, with no one interrupting her or trying to cheer her up, with no trials or attacks or farewells.
There was a picture of Helo and Athena on the nightstand. Dee picked it up and studied it. The picture looked professional; she wondered who had taken it and what Helo and Athena had had to trade for it. It was something she and Lee had never had done. They both looked happy. She wondered if this was taken before or after they'd gotten Hera back.
Had she and Lee been this happy? It was hard to say. Right now, Dee was still so furious with him that she could barely see straight. And it was so easy to remember Kara, to remember all those frustrations of New Caprica, and to remember everything else that went wrong.
"Caprican representative," she said softly, and then glanced at Hera. Hera didn't even stir. Dee shook her head, and then put her feet up and her head back, closing her eyes.
Before she knew it, she was asleep.
***
A week later, the game had changed.
"No!" Hera screamed. "I don't want to go pee! I don't like this place! I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!"
Dee took a deep breath, and then another. "You will pee," she informed the little girl. "It is your bedtime, and you will pee."
Hera looked at her for a moment with baleful red eyes, and then launched into the loudest scream Dee had ever heard, kicking her feet.
"Fine!" Dee shouted. "Don't pee! See if I care!" She started to pick Hera up.
"No!" Hera wailed. "No, no, no! I need to pee!"
"THEN PEE!!!!"
Hera was not impressed by Dee's volume. But Noel, who had entered the head, was. "Whoa," he said. "What's going on?"
Hera snuffled at him, wiping her nose on her arm.
Dee glared back over her shoulder. "Not now, Noel," she ground out.
Noel ignored her. "Hey, Hera," he said. "You peeing?"
Hera looked at Dee and then nodded.
"How about I pee with you? Does that sound good?"
Hera nodded again.
Noel went over to the urinal and undid his pants. "Ready, poptart?" he asked. "On the count of three. One, two… three."
To Dee's utter relief, she heard the telltale sound of urine hitting water. She sat back on her heels, sighing and collecting herself. "Good girl, Hera," she said.
"I did a great job peeing," Hera informed her and Noel.
Noel zipped himself back up. "You did," he said. "High five." He came over and held up his hand, and Hera slapped it. Dee helped her off the toilet and to pull up her underwear.
"What are you guys doing in here?" Noel asked as Dee led Hera over to the sink to wash her hands. "I thought the Agathons' quarters had a head."
"It does," Dee replied tiredly. "But let's just say that after a week, the honeymoon's over."
"The novelty has worn off, huh? For you or for her?"
"It was never a novelty for me," Dee said sternly.
"Sorry."
"What's novelty?" Hera asked.
"Don't worry about it. Come on. It's time for bed."
Hera looked at Noel. "Will you come tuck me in, Narcho?" she asked.
Noel looked at Dee, and Dee shrugged. She knew she probably shouldn't, but the truth was it got lonely in the Agathon quarters after Hera fell asleep, and Dee wouldn't mind at all if Noel kept her company. "Sure," Noel said, a little apprehensively. "I can do that."
"Good." Hera took his hand, and then took Dee's as well. "Let's go."
Dee was not at all surprised when Hera wrangled another story out of Noel, and two songs. But Hera eventually settled down, a battered doll tucked by her side as she curled up under her blankets. Dee gestured to the chair across from her, and Noel pulled the curtain around Hera's bed.
"She's got you wrapped around her finger," Dee teased, all too aware that Hera had had her wrapped around that same little finger until a few days ago.
Noel sighed and flopped into the chair. "She's a cute little snot," he said. "Do all three year olds talk like that?"
Dee shrugged. "I think she's advanced," she admitted.
"Because she's half-Cylon?"
"Don't know. She's advanced, but Helo said she's not abnormal for a three-year-old girl. She could just be smart."
"Mmm." Noel leaned his chin on his hand. "Or she could be half-Cylon."
"She is half-Cylon."
"You know what I mean." Noel glanced at the curtain. "Suppose we should stop talking about it, huh? Want to play a game?"
"Not really," Dee sighed. "But it's not like I've got any better ideas."
Noel got up and rummaged around and came up with two packs of cards. "War," he declared. "No thought required."
"Sounds good."
They played for a while, and Dee had to admit it was nice to have the company. Noel must have been thinking along the same lines. "You know," he said as he was preparing to leave for the night, "I know Helo and Athena didn't ask me, but if you need help over the next few weeks, I'll be glad to help you."
Dee hesitated for a moment, because it wasn't really in her nature to out-and-out admit she needed help, but as a chasm of seven more weeks of this opened up in front of her, she nodded. "Thank you. I'll take you up on it."
Noel smiled, hugged her, and gave a little salute as he walked out the door. Hera whimpered as the hatch shut, but she didn't wake up. Dee sighed in relief and went to get ready for bed.
***
"MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!! I want you, mommy!"
Dee was out of bed as soon as she could get untangled from the covers and beside Hera, who was shrieking and batting at the wall. "Hera! Hera, I'm here, sweetie!"
Hera saw her, her eyes widened, and she latched onto Dee with a vice-like grip. "Where's my mommy?" she begged.
"Mommy's away on a mission. But I'm here, Hera," Dee reassured her. She hugged Hera tight and rubbed her back. "I'm here."
Hera sobbed into Dee's breast. After a long time, she began to calm down.
"Was it a bad dream, Hera?" Dee asked softly. Hera nodded. "What about?"
Hera shook her head mutely, and Dee realized she didn't have the first idea how to really handle this. Helo had mentioned that Hera had bad dreams, and Dee had dutifully been taking her to her psychologist appointments on the Rising Star, but actually being here and having the little girl shivering in her arms….
"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" she asked.
"Mommy and Daddy say I can't sleep in their bed," Hera said.
"Oh." Dee looked around. "What does your mommy do when you have a bad dream?"
"Sometimes she sleeps with me."
Dee nodded. "All right. I can sleep with you. Would you like that?"
"Yes."
Dee got up and retrieved a blanket from Helo and Athena's bed, and then returned and lay down next to Hera. Hera cuddled into her arms. "Dee? When will Mommy be home?"
"In a few weeks, sweetie."
"I want her home now."
"I know." Dee yawned. She was tired, and with Hera nestled against her chest it was warm and comfortable.
"Dee? Where's your mommy? Is she on Galactica?"
"No."
"Did she die like Daddy's mommy?"
"Yes," Dee said shortly.
"Why?"
"Let's not talk about that right now, Hera," Dee said, hoping like crazy Hera would forget it by the morning.
"But will she come back?"
"My mommy won't. Your mommy will."
"Okay." Hera settled against her again. Eventually she fell asleep, but Dee lay awake, staring at the wall for a long time.
***
Life with a toddler was more complicated, but like anything else it had a rhythm to it, and Dee fell into it quickly. Hera settled back down, neither angel nor demon but a fairly typical three year old, with good days and bad days. Dee worked her shifts and spent the rest of her time with Hera, although occasionally she managed to get away long enough to see adults. And Noel helped her, eating dinner with them whenever he could, keeping them company, playing with Hera.
Louis was working double shifts, so he didn't come by often. Dee also had the sense he was avoiding them, although she couldn't figure out why. After a lot of badgering on her part and some bribery on Noel's, he did join them one evening for dinner. Hera regarded him suspiciously for a long time, and then ignored him as she sat down to play with the approximation of play-dough that someone had made on the hangar deck.
"I don't even want to know what's in this stuff," Noel said, as Hera carefully crafted a blobby person made from balls of dough. He was rolling it between his fingers, ostensibly making a Raptor.
"Me neither."
"You look tired, Louis," Noel observed, studying him closely. "Are you sleeping?"
"When the Admiral lets me. I've been working a lot of doubles." Louis yawned and stretched. "Plus, with Felix gone, I get stuck with the navigation."
"Is Felix on the mission with Mommy and Daddy?" Hera asked.
"Yes," Dee answered. "He's helping them find the way."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because that's what he was ordered to do," Noel muttered.
"Because they're trying to find Earth," Dee corrected Noel firmly.
"Oh. Why are they trying to find Earth?"
"So we have a place to live."
"Oh. Why?"
Louis's head hit the table.
***
"The thing is," Noel sighed when Hera was safely in bed, "she's always like that."
"I know," Louis said shortly. He shuffled the pack of cards, glaring at it.
"She didn't hit home too hard when she asked about Felix, did she?" Dee asked sympathetically. "She asked about my parents a few weeks ago, and it…" she shrugged.
But Louis just shook his head. "I'm not that worried about Felix yet," he insisted. "He's fine."
"I have to say," Noel said, looking at the curtain, "it's hard, but I'm getting why people want kids. One minute she's driving me insane, and the next she's so frakking adorable I just want to hug her and never let her go."
Dee smiled. "Are you telling me you might actually want children some day?"
Noel shrugged. "Depends on what Earth is like."
"What about you, Louis?" Dee asked curiously.
Louis closed his eyes. "No. I don't think so."
"Don't you like kids?"
"I do. But I've also had recurring AML since I was seventeen. It's hit me four times now, and I'm under no illusions it won't hit me again. Unless the Cylons catch us, it will be what kills me in the end. It's just a matter of when."
"Wow," Dee said, staring at him. "Someone's fatalistic tonight."
Louis shrugged. "Look. If we find Earth and it's unpopulated, or if we don't find Earth and we settle on New Gemenon or something, I'll give genetic material if that's what's required of me. But I can't promise that I'll be around to care for a child.
"No one can," Dee said stiffly, thinking of the baby that had never come to be.
Louis sighed heavily. "Come on, Dee," he said. "Concede this one, will you? I'm a frakking cancer survivor. I think it's safe to say my odds are worse than most people's."
"What if Felix wants kids?" Noel asked.
"Would you two get off the subject?" Louis snapped. "I really don't feel like talking about this!"
"All right," Dee said. "Then deal."
Louis dealt the cards, and they lapsed into awkward silence. It made her feel guilty to think it, but Dee had to admit that she was almost glad to see Louis leave.
"Well," Dee said, clearing off the table, "that was not one of our better evenings."
Noel shrugged. "Dee?" he said, picking up a deck of cards and shuffling them from hand to hand. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You've said it before that you still want a baby. Do you really?"
"Of course," Dee laughed. "Some day. I realize it won't be until we get to Earth, and it won't be with Lee…" she trailed off, feeling that familiar pain when she said that. She pushed it aside. "Why?"
"Just… I never thought I'd want one. I mean, even when Louis and I were together, we planned on being in the military for a long time, and then when we were done we were going to open that garage together. I knew he didn't want kids, and I always just assumed I was going to be the cool uncle that spoiled my nieces and nephews rotten. But spending the past few weeks with you and Hera… I don't know." Noel smiled. It was an open, simple smile, untinged with bitterness and grief. "I feel like I'm waking up. I've felt a lot of things since the attacks on the Colonies. I mean, I've been angry and I've felt grief. I miss my family so much it still hurts every night and I want to throw up every time I think of them. But I've had some happiness, I've got my squad and my friends, and it's not like my life has been all bad. But for some reason, these past few weeks… this is the first time I've felt alive. This is the first time I've had a glimpse of a future."
"And your future includes a baby?" Dee asked skeptically.
"I don't know," Noel admitted. "But I like not knowing." He stood up and stretched. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."
He ducked behind the curtain, kissing Hera goodnight. Dee watched his silhouette thoughtfully. A glimpse of a future, he'd said.
It was hard to picture a future, but Dee was sure there was one. Someday, when they found Earth.
***
The last place that Dee expected to run into Louis was the Memorial Hallway, but she found him there the next day, staring at the wall.
"Louis?"
He started out of his reverie, surprised to see her. "Dee." His eyes were wet, and Dee backed away.
"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "I interrupted. I'll go."
"No. It's all right." He wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry about last night," he said. "I shouldn't have come."
"Why not?"
Louis turned back to the wall, and Dee followed his gaze. She recognized the portrait of Jurgen Belzen with his family. "Oh," she said softly, although she didn't quite understand.
"This was Rika," Louis said, pointing to the wife. "And the older daughter's name was Annie. But this," his finger rested gently on the younger girl, "was Molly. She was my goddaughter."
Dee's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Mine and Helena's." Louis laughed. "Helena would take the girls to play paintball and to Pyramid games, and I was the one who took Molly to the princess movies and did tea parties with her. Although I have to say, there are few things in this universe that are funnier than watching Helena suffer through a tea party." Dee finally realized that he was talking about Admiral Cain, and goggled at him. Louis didn't notice. "She was a bit of a princess, I think. She wanted to be a nurse like her mother, though. I wonder if she would have been."
Dee didn't know what to say. She finally managed, "Were you close to Annie, too?"
Louis nodded. "Yes. Annie's godparents were Jurgen's brother and his wife, but she called me Uncle Lou. She and Molly were the only two people I know who have ever been allowed to get away with calling me Lou." His fingers drifted over the picture. "Gods, I miss them."
"And Hera brings it all back," Dee said dully. "I'm sorry we pressed the issue."
Louis shrugged, finally dropping his hand. "It's all right," he said eventually. "One day, I'll have to face it. One day I'll have to face a lot of things. But I can't right now, not if I want to keep going." He sighed. "Do you have any idea how frakked up the human race is going to be for a long time? Everyone's lost so much, and when we can stop running and have time to really think… it's going to be ugly," Louis predicted.
"It might not be," Dee said hopefully.
"New Caprica was. Even before the Cylons invaded."
"New Caprica was a struggle for survival. Earth is supposed to be inhabited. It must be different."
Louis shrugged. "It might be. But it's going to be a mess," he said.
Dee shook her head, but held her tongue. Louis sighed and turned away from the wall.
"I have duty," he said. "I'll see you later."
***
"'When will Mommy and Daddy be home? When will Mommy and Daddy be home?' I swear if I hear it again, I'm going to scream," Dee said over the line to Louis.
"It's not long now," Louis said. "Just a few more days."
"Mmm."
"Three days, five hours, and twenty seven minutes at the most," Louis said.
"But who's counting?" Dee laughed. She sighed. "They must not have found it yet."
"That's what I keep telling myself," Louis said. He turned and checked the DRADIS screen like any other man would check a clock. "It's better than the alternative, at any rate."
"True. Do you think they'll find it?"
She could see Louis shrug. "Don't know."
"You don't really think Earth is real, do you?" Dee realized.
"Don't know if Earth is," Louis admitted. "But Felix is, and as long as he comes back to me, I'm happy." He glanced over at the Admiral and the Colonel, but neither of them was listening. "Three days, five hours, and twenty six minutes."
***
"WEAPONS HOLD!" Colonel Tigh's voice rang through the CIC, and everything froze for what felt like a long moment.
The console beeped insistently at her.
"DRADIS contact," Dee informed them, picking up the headset.
"Galactica, Demetrius," Helo's voice was informing her. "Do not fire. Baseship is disarmed and under Colonial command. Officers aboard."
"Demetrius, Galactica. Authenticate," Dee ordered.
"Galactica, Demetrius. I authenticate, bravo tango 8," Dee exhaled in relief. "Do not fire. Starbuck and Athena have control of the baseship."
"Good to hear your voice, Helo," Dee said. "Give us a sitrep."
"Baseship is disarmed and under Colonial command. Starbuck, Longshot, Athena, and Barolay are on board. The communication is shaky at best- I think the jump might have fried the wireless."
"Copy that. Are there Cylons aboard the Demetrius?"
"That's a negative. But you'd better get a Raptor over here as soon as possible, with a medical team on board." Helo paused. "Gaeta's down."
Dee's throat closed. "How bad is it?"
"Bad. Leg wound, but… Dee, just get someone over here immediately."
"Copy that." Adama looked up at her and gave her a signal. "Transferring you to the Admiral," she said. She clicked the line off and immediately dialed down to sickbay, ordering a team of medics up as fast as they could go.
For a long moment after that, she sat, uncertain of what to do. The Vipers were all flying out, swarming the basestar, keeping an eye out for any more. She looked down at Louis, who had finished coordinating the Fleet's jump. She wondered if she should go down and tell him about Felix.
She didn't have to. Tigh was on the line with Helo, and she heard his side of the conversation from her station. "What the frak?" he was shouting. "Gaeta's been shot? What the frak is going on over there?"
Louis went stark white and twirled a dial on his console, and Dee could see from his face he was listening in. If possible, his face turned even paler. He turned, looked at the DRADIS, and then turned back to Adama. "Sir, I-"
"Incoming?" Adama demanded tensely.
"No, sir."
"Keep an eye on it, Mr. Hoshi," Adama said firmly. "It may very well be a trap."
"Yes, sir." Dee saw the realization that duty must come first right now sink through Louis. In fact, she noticed that Adama was avoiding her eye as well.
"Take a contingent of Marines over to the baseship," Adama ordered Tigh. "I want to know exactly what is going on."
"Yes, sir." Tigh looked a little spooked, but he saluted and left the CIC.
Dee snapped back to her own job, but her mouth was dry and her heart kept pounding oddly.
Two hours later, Helo entered the CIC. He came straight for Dee. "How's Hera?" he asked, leaning down towards her. He smelled strongly of sewage, and Dee covered her nose as discreetly as she could.
"She's fine," she said. "Shower before you see her, though. How's Gaeta?"
"Doc says he's going to make it, most likely," Helo said. "He's got to amputate, though."
"Amputate?" Dee asked, appalled.
Helo didn't physically squirm, but it was obvious he wanted to. "Yeah. Listen, would you mind picking up Hera from daycare again tonight? I'm going to be tied up in the debriefing and everything that's going on." Dee nodded. "Great. Thanks Dee." He sucked in a breath and looked down at the tactical station. "I'd better go tell Hoshi."
Dee would never forget the look on Louis's face when Helo gave him the news. She'd never forget the way his hands shook as he turned back to the tactical station, realizing he wasn't going to be able to go down to sickbay because Adama was putting him on a double shift, given the precariousness of the situation. She would try, but she would never be able to erase it. Or her own sick feeling as she tried not to imagine what was happening to Felix at this very minute.
She looked up at the clock, and then turned back and did her job.
***
It was late when Dee made it back to the officer's racks, finally leaving Hera with her parents. She stared for a long moment at Felix and Louis's empty bunks, and she tried to make herself sit in her own. But she just couldn't do it.
There was no reason to feel like there were ghosts- Felix wasn't dead. But as she stood in the room, Dee looked at where they'd placed the mattress two months ago, and she imagined she could hear the memories talking… laughing. She wiped a hand across her eyes.
Felix would live. He had to.
She was just moving towards the hatch when it opened, and Noel came in. He had showered, but he still looked tired and worn and haggard. When he saw her, he closed the space between them in two swift steps and pulled Dee close.
Noel's chest was warm and solid under Dee's shoulder. "I went down to sickbay," Noel told her, and she could feel his voice under her cheek. "Doc took his leg."
"Gods." Dee shuddered. "Is he going to-"
"Yeah. He's going to live."
"Gods, I really thought-"
"I know. We all did." His arms tightened around her protectively. Dee knew exactly how he felt, and she squeezed his waist.
They stood together for a long time, taking comfort in each others' presence. But it wasn't enough. Dee hadn't been down to sickbay, but it was all too easy to envision Felix lying in bed, Louis sitting worriedly beside him. She looked up at Noel, only to find him looking down at her. And without thinking about what she was doing, she pulled herself up on to her tiptoes and kissed him. Noel started in surprise, but then his hand was smoothing her hair, and he was kissing her back.
Dee was honest enough to admit that she'd always wondered what Noel was like in bed, just like she'd always had her speculations about Felix, and even occasionally about Louis. And she'd always been able to picture him picking her up and moving them to the privacy of her rack, pulling the curtain. And she'd always known he'd be a good kisser.
It didn't start as passionate, but they let it spiral there, because then it was easier not to think and that was the whole point. It was so much easier to drown in this comfort, in this warmth, in his lips and his touch and his scent, and when her eyes met his, she could tell he felt the same way. He wasn't necessarily the best lover she'd ever had- there were moments he was even more awkward than Billy had been- but it was what she needed.
They moved together, Noel's forearms tight against her shoulders, her legs against his waist. She gripped his back, her head falling back as she came. Easy, her mind whispered. This is easy, but it's not real…. She firmly told herself to shut up and moved with Noel, finding his rhythm again.
It took a while, which shouldn't have surprised her. Dee wondered what he was thinking about when he came, gasping into her shoulder and clinging tight to her body. He stilled, and she reached up and brushed his hair aside.
"Are you all right?" she asked him softly.
Noel nodded. He stayed there for a long moment and then pulled out, lying beside her. She was afraid he'd pull away, but he reached for her and pulled her close, lacing the fingers of his free hand through hers. He opened his mouth to say something, reconsidered, and shut it, pulling her close and gently kissing her forehead.
"Noel," Dee began.
Noel shook his head. "Don't say anything," he said. "Just let yourself sleep. We'll deal with everything tomorrow. But right now, let's both sleep."
Dee nodded silently and arranged herself more comfortably against him, her back against his side. Noel turned over and draped his arm around her waist, spooning her against him comfortably, and they both drifted off to sleep.
***
When Dee woke up to an insistent alarm, Noel greeted her with a friendly kiss and slid out of the rack. "I don't have a briefing for another hour," he told her, hitching his pants up over his bare bottom. He looked around the locker, and made a face. "Louis never came back last night, either. I'll stop by the infirmary and see how Felix is doing and report back. Sound good?"
Dee nodded. She sat up, keeping the blanket around her, rubbing at her eyes. "Thanks, Noel."
"Hey, no problem," Noel said. He smiled at her, pulled on his tanks, and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you later, right?" Dee nodded.
There was no feeling of slinking out, no feeling of shame. Noel left quickly, but it was with his head high and a confident step, and Dee could only smile as the hatch closed behind him. He hadn't tried to talk about this, he hadn't tried to make it into something more than it was with a morning-after analysis. He just left it what it was, leaving Dee to do the same.
And that, Dee thought, as she slid out of the rack, was the most comforting thing of all.
On to Part 16
Author:
lls_mutantRating: PG-13
Characters: Dee, Hoshi, Gaeta, and Narcho
Pairings: Dee/Lee, Hoshi/Gaeta, and past Hoshi/Narcho.
Summary: When everything comes crashing down, there's always some way to find hope.
Spoilers: Eventually through the end, but this part through Guess What's Coming to Dinner
Author's Note: Thanks to my awesome beta
trovia!Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Pain and Heaven | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14
"This is not happening," Dee repeated. "I don't understand any of this. This is not happening." She listened to the even beat of her own footsteps, wondering if it was possible to lose her mind and yet say perfectly sane at the same time.
It must be, because that's what was happening to the whole frakking Fleet.
She was almost halfway down the corridor when she realized she was going the wrong way for the officer's racks. Even telling herself she'd been headed for the gym couldn't cover the fact she'd been heading for the quarters that she had shared with Lee. She stopped sharply and reversed, glaring around as if daring anyone to notice.
Given that most people were still winding down from the Fleet's near-escape from the Cylon attack, no one noticed Dee doing something as ordinary as turning around.
She let herself into the officer's racks just as Felix was stepping out. He was still in his uniform, but the fact he was buttoning the jacket and the bite-shaped bruise where neck met shoulder indicated he'd most definitely been out of it. He nodded to her, his face an odd combination of stricken and happy, and then hurried off without a word.
"I had a feeling you'd be in bed," Dee laughed when she saw Louis reclining on his own bunk and wearing only his tanks and shorts and reading a book. When he glanced up from the pages, his smile was serene. Dee cocked her head. "What are you so happy about?" she asked, opening her own, still-unorganized locker. "That's the first real smile I've seen all day."
"I have reason to smile," Louis said enigmatically.
"Really," Dee said wryly.
"We did just inexplicably survive a Cylon attack," Louis pointed out, licking his thumb and turning a page. "That's reason to be happy."
"Despite Starbuck's mysterious reappearance?"
Louis shrugged. "Doesn't mean much to me. Aside from the very strong possibility she's a Cylon and the very weak possibility she actually knows the way to Earth, I couldn't care less. I'd rather read my book."
Dee shook her head, and then did a double take. "Where'd you get a book, anyway?"
"Racetrack finally finished it. There's a waiting list- I've been on it for months."
Dee tried to catch the title, and her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. The paper cover was worn and wrinkled, but she could still make out the scantily clad woman swooning in a muscle-bound Adonis's arms, their hair blowing in the wind.
"You're kidding. That's the copy of The Innocent Governess that's been floating around, isn't it?" Louis nodded, eyes still fixed on the pages. "You're reading a bodice ripper?"
"No. I'm reading high brow literature dealing with moral dilemmas and complicated choices. Yes, Dee, I'm reading a bodice ripper."
Dee goggled at that. "Well, where the hell is Felix?"
"Drinking with Zarek. Would you please shut up and leave me alone? I'm at a good part."
"Baltar's been acquitted, we lost power when we hit the Ionian Nebula, the Cylons attacked and went away again for no good reason, Starbuck came back from the dead, Felix is drinking with Zarek, and you want me to shut up because you're at the good part of a heterosexual bodice ripper novel?"
"YES!"
Dee considered it. "Can I read it when you're done?"
***
Did you see them? When she got out of the Viper? He was the first one to hug her… I heard his wife left him, you know. It must have been over that, everyone knew they were frakking…. He loves her. I've always known he loves her…. The Admiral must be thrilled….
Everywhere Dee went, she heard the whispers about Starbuck.
They weren't whispers for Noel, or for Louis, or even for Felix. They all told her they heard the conversations at normal level, if not shouted. But when Dee was in the room, they dropped to whispers.
It shouldn't hurt her, but it did.
***
"I'm not giving up my squadron," was the first thing Noel said when Dee found him. He clapped his hand over the patch on his uniform. "I worked too frakking hard for this. I am not handing it over to some Cylon bitch!"
"Has anyone asked you to?" Dee said, surprised.
"No," Noel admitted. "But they will. You watch. They will."
"I doubt it, Noel," Dee said. They were sitting in the ready room, Noel chewing on the end of a pen as he went over his lists. "Lee wouldn't do that."
"Lee?"
"I assume… now that he's done Baltar's trial and everything…" Dee faltered.
Noel looked sad. "Dee, haven't you heard? Lee's leaving Galactica."
"What?"
"It was on the wireless, and Helo announced it to the pilots at the last briefing. Lee's going to be the Caprican representative to the Quorum of Twelve."
"What?" Dee was glad she was sitting. "Noel, what the… he never… I never… What the frak?"
Noel raised his eyebrows at her and went back to writing. Dee tried to absorb it. Lee. Lee Adama. In civilian politics.
But the thing was, aside from the fact he knew nothing about it, she could see it. As her brain adjusted to the idea, it made sense.
"I'm surprised that President Roslin put him up for it," she mused.
Noel looked up from his papers again. "She didn't," he said shortly. "Vice President Zarek did." He sighed as Dee's expression started turning to a glare. "Come on," he said. "When are you and Louis both going to accept that the man is no longer a terrorist? He's done a lot of good for the Fleet. I know you aren't big on vigilante justice, but be honest. If it wasn't for the fact that it was Felix that was almost killed, you'd never even know about the Circle, and you might have even supported it." Noel looked her straight in the eyes as he said that, and Dee flushed uncomfortably. "People do change."
"I still can't help thinking he'd blow us all to hell if he thought it was the only way he'd get power."
"He's not after power," Noel denied. "He's after a vision. And yeah," he admitted, "he'd probably blow us all up if he thought it would accomplish that. But I somehow think he's not going to have to. President Roslin's sick, and when she passes away…" Noel shrugged.
"You're awfully quick to give up on cancer patients," Dee said sourly.
Noel shrugged. "It's a knee-jerk reaction. But in Roslin's case, from what they were saying on the wireless, it might be an accurate one." He shrugged again. "You know, if I was her, I'm not sure how hard I'd fight it anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, look at the hell cancer patients go through. You saw what Louis was going through first hand, and from what he's told me and what I…" Noel looked down at his reports again and took a deep breath, "from what I saw on Gemenon, this was an easy round for him. But if Roslin's cancer is as bad as they were implying the other night, she very well might not make it. Why put yourself through all of that, when all we have to live for is day after day of this?" He gestured around.
"Why are you flying?" Dee asked. "Why are you fighting, instead of just leaving the military?"
Noel's face darkened. "Because that's what's right," he said. "The frakkers took everything we had. Why wouldn't I fight them? It's not so much that I've got something to fight for as I've got something to fight about."
"You have things to fight for," Dee said, a little stung. "You have friends."
"I do," Noel agreed, and his face softened as their eyes met. He smiled at her. "Don't mind me, Dee," he said, and she realized his smile was sad. "I lost two pilots in the Cylon attack."
"I'm sorry," Dee said. She hesitated. "First ones?" Noel nodded, his face closed. "Should I let you finish your work?"
"Yeah, if you don't mind." Noel looked back down at his papers. "I've got to sort this mess out."
"All right. I'll see you around." Dee stood up and left. But before she exited the ready room, she turned back around. Noel's head was cradled in his hands, and Dee had the feeling it had nothing to do with pilots. She also knew he wasn't going to talk to her about it.
She quietly let herself out.
***
Dee had been avoiding the Admiral ever since she left Lee, and she'd had the sense he'd been avoiding her, as well. But the news of Lee's new position sent her straight to the hatch of his quarters. At the sight of the familiar door, her nerve failed her and she stood still, taking a deep breath and trying to gather it up again. The door opened.
"Lieutenant Dualla," President Roslin said, pulling back in shock. She recovered and gave Dee a smile. "It's a pleasure to see you."
"And you, Madame President." The President looked pale and nervous, even under the composure she was mustering up for Dee. Thinking of the chamalla and the courtroom, Dee felt an overwhelming surge of sympathy. "I hope you're doing well."
President Roslin drew in a deep breath and winked. "I'll be better in a day or two," she said, sounding almost sassy. Dee smiled.
"I'm sure you will be, ma'am."
The Admiral stepped out of the cabin. "I looked over that roster, Laura, and I think we can spare-" he stopped as he saw Dee. "Lieutenant."
Dee saluted. "Admiral."
"Did you need me?"
"I can come back another time, sir," she said.
Adama looked at Roslin, and then back over his shoulder. "Wait in my study," he said. "I'll be with you in a few minutes. I just want to walk the President to her destination."
"Of course, sir." Dee stepped aside. "Madame President."
Adama offered Roslin his arm, and then gave Dee a small grin as they left. Dee obediently went through the hatch and into the study. It didn't take a genius to figure out where they were going. Dee remembered Felix telling her he'd walked Louis to his first treatment, and kissed him goodbye at the door to sickbay. She shook her head, because the image of the Admiral and the President kissing wasn't one she wanted. But she had to admit that she was starting to believe it was possible.
She wandered around Adama's office, peering at the pictures. She knew them, of course, and he'd told her the stories behind them all, except one. He'd never had to explain the one of her and Lee, standing and laughing with drinks in their hands, their arms wrapped around each other. And it was still there, in its usual spot.
She turned away and sat down on the sofa, looking instead at a picture of Roslin and Adama smiling together. Technically, it was probably in some official capacity, but yeah. Felix was right.
The hatch opened, and Adama came in and sat down across from her.
"It's a good picture," Dee said, pointing to it. "You and the President."
"I like it," he agreed.
"You know," Dee said slowly, "someone was wondering why she does it. Why she's going to fight the cancer when there's so little left to live for. It's because she's living for us, isn't it? Because she wants the people to find a home? To find justice, to find civilization? She's fighting for what she believes in, no matter what it costs her?"
"Yes," Adama confirmed. "Sometimes the greatest sacrifices aren't in death, but in life. She doesn't have to die to save her people… she needs to live to do it."
Dee nodded, still staring at the picture. To her surprise, her eyes were tearing up, and the picture blurred in front of her into a mass of grays and blacks and flesh tones. "I'm sorry, sir," she heard herself saying. "I shouldn't be commenting on the personal affairs of the President."
Adama sighed deeply. "As I understand it," he said slowly, "you're not really commenting on the personal affairs of the President."
Dee sniffled. "I'm trying to be subtle, sir," she said, with a bitter half-laugh.
He smiled sadly. "I know. But I think we'd both benefit if you didn't. You've never been overly subtle, Dee. You're direct. You're honest. Don't change that." He sighed. "You heard Lee's leaving."
"Yes."
"If you wanted, you could go with him, with my blessing," Adama said. He studied her. "But you don't want to, do you?" Dee shook her head, and Adama gave a small smile. "I don't blame you."
"I just…."
Adama stood up, and automatically, Dee did, too. What she didn't expect was the fatherly hug he gave her, holding her tight. She stood frozen for a moment, and then buried her face in his shoulder, tears streaking her face. "It's all right," Adama said, stroking her hair. "No one's mad at you, Dee. I understand."
He probably did. Lee and his father had always been at odds, and she'd seen Adama's face after Lee had exposed Roslin's cancer. And yet, they were still father and son, and she was still just Dee. The ex-wife, now. She pulled away and wiped her cheeks, and then gave Adama her best professional smile.
"I'm not quite sure what I dropped by to say, sir. I just felt like I needed to."
He nodded. "Maybe, when this is all over and we find Earth…."
"Maybe," Dee agreed. "Then again, he might not want to."
"He will," Adama denied.
"Kara," Dee pointed out. The word had never been spoken between them before, not in this context, but there was no surprise on Adama's face.
"I told you before, Dee," Adama said quietly, "no one can replace you."
"I know, sir. Thank you." She saluted once more, and let herself out.
***
Dee looked down at the plaque one more time, and then resolved not to look at it again. She glanced to her side, and Felix winked at her, and Noel stuck his tongue out. She couldn't help a little smile, but it faded fast. Once this was done… once this was over….
"Attention to order!" Helo shouted, and Dee snapped to attention with everyone else.
Lee entered the hangar deck, bags in hand. He looked around, shocked. Well, he would be, Dee realized. Lee was never presumptuous enough to assume this kind of honor. Not half the crew, standing in their dress grays. She snapped her eyes back to Colonel Tigh.
"In recognition of honorable, loyal, and faithful service, Madam President, Admiral of the Colonial Fleet, ladies and gentlemen: Major Lee Adama. Salute!" he ordered.
The entire contingent snapped to a salute. Dee clutched the plaque harder, holding her posture ramrod straight until Lee saluted back at them all. He was about to cry- she could see that so clearly. And she couldn't blame him.
Helo started the applause, and Dee was grateful. It broke that awful moment of realization that Major Lee Adama didn't exist anymore, that it was only Representative Adama, civilian and servant to the people. And like the politician he was becoming, Lee began to shake hands, starting with Helo. He moved down the line, smiling and hugging.
"Good luck," she heard him say to Felix, shaking his hand.
"You, too, sir," Felix answered, because habits weren't easily broken for him.
Lee smiled at him, but the smile nearly faded as he came face to face with Dee. Dee lifted her chin and gave him the plaque. His face melted as he looked at it and said goodbye to a part of himself.
"Thank you," he said. He hugged her tightly, and Dee hugged him back. "Well, it looks like you got the house," he said wryly. "I'll miss you."
Funny. It had hurt all the way up to that moment. But when she looked at Lee, ready to go out and fight for the people, open and honest before her, it hurt a little less.
She finally smiled at him. "Goodbye, Lee."
"Look after yourself," he said.
Don't go a little part of her wanted to yell. Maybe you're right. Maybe we should talk this over… But he turned to face his father, and even as they hugged, she knew they shouldn't. This was the right decision, the right choice.
They watched as Lee climbed into his Raptor. Noel was still waving and applauding, but his eyes were on Dee, and Felix reached out and squeezed her hand.
***
"Dee." Helo caught her by the arm the next day. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure, Helo." Dee fell into step beside him. "What's up?"
Helo looked around, sighed, and then gestured for Dee to follow him back to his family quarters. Dee didn't mind at all. The Agathon quarters, while a bit messy and tight, had bright colors, scattered crayons, and signs of family and life. It hurt to look at what could have been, and yet it was an enormous comfort to know that some people still had it.
Helo poured her a glass of water and gestured to the chair. Dee took both curiously, the warmth fleeing as he sat down across from her, looking worried.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing's wrong, per se," Helo said. "Has the Admiral told you about a mission?"
"No, nothing. Why?"
"Well, then, I'm not telling you either," Helo said significantly. Dee nodded understanding, and Helo took a long drink. "He's decided to follow up on Starbuck telling him she knows where Earth is," he said finally. "He's sending an exploratory mission."
"Oh."
"Right. We'll be gone two months. The thing is, he's sending me and Sharon."
"Both of you?" Dee asked, surprised.
"He's got no choice," Helo sighed. "If we run into Cylons, Sharon's the best person to be there. And I'm Kara's XO. There's no one else with the experience that he can trust with that job."
"What about Hera?" Dee asked.
"Well, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about. I'm hoping we won't be gone for the whole two months, but we very likely will. Sharon and I have discussed it, and we would be very grateful if you would take Hera for us."
Dee stared at Helo in astonishment.
"I know I'm springing this on you in the last minute," Helo said, "but we only just found out that we're going, and the family that's supposed to get Hera if something happens to us just had a new baby. If we don't come back, they'll still take her, but since this is a temporary arrangement…."
He looked so worried, so scared of what might happen to his little family. Dee's heart broke for him. She reached out and touched his hand.
"Of course I will, Helo. Just tell me what to do."
***
It was late when she finally made it back to the racks, and when she did, she entered to find one of the mattresses dragged to the floor, courtesy of Felix, Louis, and Noel.
"Why did you put the mattress on the floor?" Dee asked, staring down at where Felix and Louis were sitting. Felix was leaning against a locker and Louis was half-reclining between Felix's legs, laying against his chest. She looked away hurriedly, feeling almost like she'd walked in on them having sex.
"It's more comfortable than the rack," Felix said. "Less crowded."
"It's also a pain to walk around."
"So don't walk around it." Noel was sitting at the other end. "Join us."
"There's not much room."
"Sure there is," Noel said. He leaned against the opposite locker and spread his legs open. "Come on. We don't have much time."
"Duty calls," Dee said dryly. After her conversation with Helo, she understood exactly why the Admiral had put her on the graveyard shift tonight. She stripped off her jacket and kicked off her boots like the others, and then settled down between Noel's legs. Louis pulled his feet up further to make room for her, but after she sat he extended his legs again.
"Hey," Dee said, nudging his calf with her toe.
"I was here first," Louis said smugly. His smugness only increased as Felix casually kissed his neck. Dee glanced back at Noel, and for some reason he looked angry.
"Anyway, Dee," Noel said, "the topic of discussion is Earth. Or more accurately, Kara Thrace: zombie, Cylon, or big fat liar?"
"She's not a Cylon," Dee sighed. "There's no frakking way I'd be that lucky."
Felix snorted appreciatively, and his hand traced over Louis's arm and down to his hand and fingers. "So you think she's right about Earth?" Felix asked her.
"I'd be more convinced it if was Racetrack saying she'd found Earth," Dee said, and they all laughed at that. "It would be nice if she had, though." She sighed. "I love Galactica, but Gods, can you imagine what Earth must be like?"
Louis shrugged. "Actually, no," he admitted. "I don't have the first clue."
"Fresh air, sunsets, and an ocean," Felix said wistfully. "I really want to see an ocean again." He slipped his arms down around Louis, and Dee wondered if he'd been drinking. "And houses, instead of racks. Private houses."
Louis blinked, and then looked back at him with an expression Dee almost categorized as incredulous.
"Other people," Noel said. "I wonder what the people on Earth are like."
Dee twisted around. "What would you like it to be like?"
"I don't know," Noel admitted. "Lots of open space. You know what I'd like? I'd like to find a small town, and just move there with a few people from the Fleet."
"A small town?" Felix asked.
"Sure." Noel began warming to the idea. "A small town on a plain. Something with high grass waving in the wind and farms nearby, and maybe near a desert."
"Um, Noel?" Louis said, "you realize you just put a farm in a desert?"
"Shut up, this is my fantasy. Ranches, then. Is that better?"
"Much. Continue."
"I'd leave the military and open my garage, and not tell anyone in the town where I was really from."
"Anyone?" Felix asked. "You said a few other people from the Fleet."
"Yeah, well, you three would move there and… and start your own ranch."
Louis stared at him, and Dee began to giggle. "Our own ranch?" she said.
"Sure. You and Louis are both Sagittarons."
"My parents weren't farmers," Dee said.
"Sure they were. So you two would tame the wild horses that we'd find running in the desert."
"Noel-"
"Shut up, Felix. I'm creating here, respect my artistic integrity. We'd find wild horses in the desert, and Dee and Louis could break them because Gods know that if the two of you can break each other, a horse should be no problem. And Felix can do the books for the ranch and my garage, and we'll all live on the edge of town."
"On the same ranch?" Louis said.
"On the same ranch."
Dee considered this. "Okay, and what about you and me? These two are off in their own little world together, but do we get sex and love?"
"Nah," Noel said. "No one from Earth is ever going to understand and we're all frakked up, so let's not bring complications into this."
"All right," Dee said agreeably. She thought of Hera. "But I'd still like a baby at some point."
"Well, that's no problem," Noel said, draping his arms around her. "We'll knock you up."
"We?" Felix and Louis both asked together.
"Sure, why not? I mean, you guys want kids eventually, right?"
"Uh-"
"Well, you do, in my world. So the four of us live together in one house. And we have sex with Dee- I really think we can all manage that, at least once a month- and eventually she gets pregnant. And then we have a beautiful baby for the four of us to raise, and we never know who the kid's father really is because it's not important. Unless his ears stick out, and then we can all assume it's Louis's."
"Funny," Louis said, kicking Noel.
"I thought so."
"So the four of us live together. Won't that be kind of weird?"
"Nope."
"No?"
"Because every now and then we'd have a foursome."
They all exploded into laughter, Felix laughing into Louis's shoulder, Dee leaning back against Noel, Noel slipping his arms around her waist as they laughed together. Every time the laughter began to peter out, one of them would look at another, try to imagine a foursome, and the laughter would begin again. Dee didn't surrender until her sides hurt so badly that she had to stop.
"Gods," Felix said, wiping at his eyes, "I needed that."
"You and me both, baby," Louis agreed. He twisted around, eyes fixed on Felix's face, and Felix leaned down to kiss him again. Louis sighed. "I'm not looking forward to this."
Suddenly, Dee realized what was happening. "You're going away for two months," she said to Louis.
Louis shook his head. "Felix is."
"You know about the mission?" Felix asked.
"Helo told me."
They were all serious now, but the echo of their laughter lingered, keeping them wrapped in a warmth that permeated the small room. Louis sighed and nestled back tighter into the circle of Felix's arms, and Dee realized that Noel still had his arms around her. She wished she could fall asleep here, her head against the warm solidity of his chest, and keep this fleeting happiness held tight.
They all must have felt the same way, because no one spoke. No one wanted to break the mood until they had to.
The alarm Felix had set went off.
***
"Demetrius, this is Galactica. Do you read me?" Dee said, adjusting her headset.
The line crackled, and then Felix's voice was in Dee's ear. "Copy that, Galactica. Everything looks good from here."
"You all set?"
"I think so. Mag locks secure, Raptors locked down… we're spooling up the FTL drive."
Dee looked across the CIC, and Louis turned in his seat and met her eyes. "Copy that, Demetrius." She glanced at the Admiral, who gave her a thumbs up. "You're good to go."
"Board is green. Tactical on?"
"I'm here," Louis said.
Dee could imagine Felix looking around on the bridge of the Demetrius, making sure no one was paying attention. "We'll be back," he promised, his voice low and rough.
"I know," Louis said. "We'll be waiting. Good hunting."
Dee glanced at Adama and Tigh who were also listening in, but neither of them seemed to pick up on anything personal in the communication. Louis's face was set into a hard expression, professional and focused.
"Counting down," Felix said. "Jumping in five… four… three… two… one."
Dee craned her neck, and could just barely see the Demetrius flick off the DRADIS screen. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them and got back to work.
Across the CIC, she saw Louis do the same.
***
It wasn't just that the Demetrius mission was an exploratory one that kept Dee from dwelling on Felix's absence, it was that she had responsibilities of her own. At the end of her shift, she made her way down to the daycare to pick up Hera Agathon.
"Hi, kiddo," Dee said as Hera came running to her. "How was your day?"
"Good. Are Mommy and Daddy coming home today?"
"Not today," Dee said. "It's just you and me." She cringed, anticipating a tantrum, but Hera just shrugged and took her hand.
"All right."
As they walked back to the Agathon quarters, Hera told Dee all about the inner workings of Raptors, how Miss Krista told her she was naughty for pushing Nicky, and how Timmy got an eraser stuck up his nose. She held Dee's hand and brandished a picture of a pair of stick figures, both in blue, one with long black hair and one with short spikes- obviously meant to be Helo and Athena. Dee praised her to the skies.
She opened the hatch and let them in. "Are you staying here tonight?" Hera asked her.
"Yes," Dee said. "I'm staying here until your mommy and daddy come home."
"That sounds good. Let's color," Hera suggested.
The evening passed easily. Hera was cooperative, playing nicely, eating her dinner, using the potty. She even went to bed easily, leaving Dee to sit in the silence of the quarters.
For the first time since she'd left Lee, Dee had time to just sit and think, with no one interrupting her or trying to cheer her up, with no trials or attacks or farewells.
There was a picture of Helo and Athena on the nightstand. Dee picked it up and studied it. The picture looked professional; she wondered who had taken it and what Helo and Athena had had to trade for it. It was something she and Lee had never had done. They both looked happy. She wondered if this was taken before or after they'd gotten Hera back.
Had she and Lee been this happy? It was hard to say. Right now, Dee was still so furious with him that she could barely see straight. And it was so easy to remember Kara, to remember all those frustrations of New Caprica, and to remember everything else that went wrong.
"Caprican representative," she said softly, and then glanced at Hera. Hera didn't even stir. Dee shook her head, and then put her feet up and her head back, closing her eyes.
Before she knew it, she was asleep.
***
A week later, the game had changed.
"No!" Hera screamed. "I don't want to go pee! I don't like this place! I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!"
Dee took a deep breath, and then another. "You will pee," she informed the little girl. "It is your bedtime, and you will pee."
Hera looked at her for a moment with baleful red eyes, and then launched into the loudest scream Dee had ever heard, kicking her feet.
"Fine!" Dee shouted. "Don't pee! See if I care!" She started to pick Hera up.
"No!" Hera wailed. "No, no, no! I need to pee!"
"THEN PEE!!!!"
Hera was not impressed by Dee's volume. But Noel, who had entered the head, was. "Whoa," he said. "What's going on?"
Hera snuffled at him, wiping her nose on her arm.
Dee glared back over her shoulder. "Not now, Noel," she ground out.
Noel ignored her. "Hey, Hera," he said. "You peeing?"
Hera looked at Dee and then nodded.
"How about I pee with you? Does that sound good?"
Hera nodded again.
Noel went over to the urinal and undid his pants. "Ready, poptart?" he asked. "On the count of three. One, two… three."
To Dee's utter relief, she heard the telltale sound of urine hitting water. She sat back on her heels, sighing and collecting herself. "Good girl, Hera," she said.
"I did a great job peeing," Hera informed her and Noel.
Noel zipped himself back up. "You did," he said. "High five." He came over and held up his hand, and Hera slapped it. Dee helped her off the toilet and to pull up her underwear.
"What are you guys doing in here?" Noel asked as Dee led Hera over to the sink to wash her hands. "I thought the Agathons' quarters had a head."
"It does," Dee replied tiredly. "But let's just say that after a week, the honeymoon's over."
"The novelty has worn off, huh? For you or for her?"
"It was never a novelty for me," Dee said sternly.
"Sorry."
"What's novelty?" Hera asked.
"Don't worry about it. Come on. It's time for bed."
Hera looked at Noel. "Will you come tuck me in, Narcho?" she asked.
Noel looked at Dee, and Dee shrugged. She knew she probably shouldn't, but the truth was it got lonely in the Agathon quarters after Hera fell asleep, and Dee wouldn't mind at all if Noel kept her company. "Sure," Noel said, a little apprehensively. "I can do that."
"Good." Hera took his hand, and then took Dee's as well. "Let's go."
Dee was not at all surprised when Hera wrangled another story out of Noel, and two songs. But Hera eventually settled down, a battered doll tucked by her side as she curled up under her blankets. Dee gestured to the chair across from her, and Noel pulled the curtain around Hera's bed.
"She's got you wrapped around her finger," Dee teased, all too aware that Hera had had her wrapped around that same little finger until a few days ago.
Noel sighed and flopped into the chair. "She's a cute little snot," he said. "Do all three year olds talk like that?"
Dee shrugged. "I think she's advanced," she admitted.
"Because she's half-Cylon?"
"Don't know. She's advanced, but Helo said she's not abnormal for a three-year-old girl. She could just be smart."
"Mmm." Noel leaned his chin on his hand. "Or she could be half-Cylon."
"She is half-Cylon."
"You know what I mean." Noel glanced at the curtain. "Suppose we should stop talking about it, huh? Want to play a game?"
"Not really," Dee sighed. "But it's not like I've got any better ideas."
Noel got up and rummaged around and came up with two packs of cards. "War," he declared. "No thought required."
"Sounds good."
They played for a while, and Dee had to admit it was nice to have the company. Noel must have been thinking along the same lines. "You know," he said as he was preparing to leave for the night, "I know Helo and Athena didn't ask me, but if you need help over the next few weeks, I'll be glad to help you."
Dee hesitated for a moment, because it wasn't really in her nature to out-and-out admit she needed help, but as a chasm of seven more weeks of this opened up in front of her, she nodded. "Thank you. I'll take you up on it."
Noel smiled, hugged her, and gave a little salute as he walked out the door. Hera whimpered as the hatch shut, but she didn't wake up. Dee sighed in relief and went to get ready for bed.
***
"MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!! I want you, mommy!"
Dee was out of bed as soon as she could get untangled from the covers and beside Hera, who was shrieking and batting at the wall. "Hera! Hera, I'm here, sweetie!"
Hera saw her, her eyes widened, and she latched onto Dee with a vice-like grip. "Where's my mommy?" she begged.
"Mommy's away on a mission. But I'm here, Hera," Dee reassured her. She hugged Hera tight and rubbed her back. "I'm here."
Hera sobbed into Dee's breast. After a long time, she began to calm down.
"Was it a bad dream, Hera?" Dee asked softly. Hera nodded. "What about?"
Hera shook her head mutely, and Dee realized she didn't have the first idea how to really handle this. Helo had mentioned that Hera had bad dreams, and Dee had dutifully been taking her to her psychologist appointments on the Rising Star, but actually being here and having the little girl shivering in her arms….
"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" she asked.
"Mommy and Daddy say I can't sleep in their bed," Hera said.
"Oh." Dee looked around. "What does your mommy do when you have a bad dream?"
"Sometimes she sleeps with me."
Dee nodded. "All right. I can sleep with you. Would you like that?"
"Yes."
Dee got up and retrieved a blanket from Helo and Athena's bed, and then returned and lay down next to Hera. Hera cuddled into her arms. "Dee? When will Mommy be home?"
"In a few weeks, sweetie."
"I want her home now."
"I know." Dee yawned. She was tired, and with Hera nestled against her chest it was warm and comfortable.
"Dee? Where's your mommy? Is she on Galactica?"
"No."
"Did she die like Daddy's mommy?"
"Yes," Dee said shortly.
"Why?"
"Let's not talk about that right now, Hera," Dee said, hoping like crazy Hera would forget it by the morning.
"But will she come back?"
"My mommy won't. Your mommy will."
"Okay." Hera settled against her again. Eventually she fell asleep, but Dee lay awake, staring at the wall for a long time.
***
Life with a toddler was more complicated, but like anything else it had a rhythm to it, and Dee fell into it quickly. Hera settled back down, neither angel nor demon but a fairly typical three year old, with good days and bad days. Dee worked her shifts and spent the rest of her time with Hera, although occasionally she managed to get away long enough to see adults. And Noel helped her, eating dinner with them whenever he could, keeping them company, playing with Hera.
Louis was working double shifts, so he didn't come by often. Dee also had the sense he was avoiding them, although she couldn't figure out why. After a lot of badgering on her part and some bribery on Noel's, he did join them one evening for dinner. Hera regarded him suspiciously for a long time, and then ignored him as she sat down to play with the approximation of play-dough that someone had made on the hangar deck.
"I don't even want to know what's in this stuff," Noel said, as Hera carefully crafted a blobby person made from balls of dough. He was rolling it between his fingers, ostensibly making a Raptor.
"Me neither."
"You look tired, Louis," Noel observed, studying him closely. "Are you sleeping?"
"When the Admiral lets me. I've been working a lot of doubles." Louis yawned and stretched. "Plus, with Felix gone, I get stuck with the navigation."
"Is Felix on the mission with Mommy and Daddy?" Hera asked.
"Yes," Dee answered. "He's helping them find the way."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because that's what he was ordered to do," Noel muttered.
"Because they're trying to find Earth," Dee corrected Noel firmly.
"Oh. Why are they trying to find Earth?"
"So we have a place to live."
"Oh. Why?"
Louis's head hit the table.
***
"The thing is," Noel sighed when Hera was safely in bed, "she's always like that."
"I know," Louis said shortly. He shuffled the pack of cards, glaring at it.
"She didn't hit home too hard when she asked about Felix, did she?" Dee asked sympathetically. "She asked about my parents a few weeks ago, and it…" she shrugged.
But Louis just shook his head. "I'm not that worried about Felix yet," he insisted. "He's fine."
"I have to say," Noel said, looking at the curtain, "it's hard, but I'm getting why people want kids. One minute she's driving me insane, and the next she's so frakking adorable I just want to hug her and never let her go."
Dee smiled. "Are you telling me you might actually want children some day?"
Noel shrugged. "Depends on what Earth is like."
"What about you, Louis?" Dee asked curiously.
Louis closed his eyes. "No. I don't think so."
"Don't you like kids?"
"I do. But I've also had recurring AML since I was seventeen. It's hit me four times now, and I'm under no illusions it won't hit me again. Unless the Cylons catch us, it will be what kills me in the end. It's just a matter of when."
"Wow," Dee said, staring at him. "Someone's fatalistic tonight."
Louis shrugged. "Look. If we find Earth and it's unpopulated, or if we don't find Earth and we settle on New Gemenon or something, I'll give genetic material if that's what's required of me. But I can't promise that I'll be around to care for a child.
"No one can," Dee said stiffly, thinking of the baby that had never come to be.
Louis sighed heavily. "Come on, Dee," he said. "Concede this one, will you? I'm a frakking cancer survivor. I think it's safe to say my odds are worse than most people's."
"What if Felix wants kids?" Noel asked.
"Would you two get off the subject?" Louis snapped. "I really don't feel like talking about this!"
"All right," Dee said. "Then deal."
Louis dealt the cards, and they lapsed into awkward silence. It made her feel guilty to think it, but Dee had to admit that she was almost glad to see Louis leave.
"Well," Dee said, clearing off the table, "that was not one of our better evenings."
Noel shrugged. "Dee?" he said, picking up a deck of cards and shuffling them from hand to hand. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You've said it before that you still want a baby. Do you really?"
"Of course," Dee laughed. "Some day. I realize it won't be until we get to Earth, and it won't be with Lee…" she trailed off, feeling that familiar pain when she said that. She pushed it aside. "Why?"
"Just… I never thought I'd want one. I mean, even when Louis and I were together, we planned on being in the military for a long time, and then when we were done we were going to open that garage together. I knew he didn't want kids, and I always just assumed I was going to be the cool uncle that spoiled my nieces and nephews rotten. But spending the past few weeks with you and Hera… I don't know." Noel smiled. It was an open, simple smile, untinged with bitterness and grief. "I feel like I'm waking up. I've felt a lot of things since the attacks on the Colonies. I mean, I've been angry and I've felt grief. I miss my family so much it still hurts every night and I want to throw up every time I think of them. But I've had some happiness, I've got my squad and my friends, and it's not like my life has been all bad. But for some reason, these past few weeks… this is the first time I've felt alive. This is the first time I've had a glimpse of a future."
"And your future includes a baby?" Dee asked skeptically.
"I don't know," Noel admitted. "But I like not knowing." He stood up and stretched. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."
He ducked behind the curtain, kissing Hera goodnight. Dee watched his silhouette thoughtfully. A glimpse of a future, he'd said.
It was hard to picture a future, but Dee was sure there was one. Someday, when they found Earth.
***
The last place that Dee expected to run into Louis was the Memorial Hallway, but she found him there the next day, staring at the wall.
"Louis?"
He started out of his reverie, surprised to see her. "Dee." His eyes were wet, and Dee backed away.
"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "I interrupted. I'll go."
"No. It's all right." He wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry about last night," he said. "I shouldn't have come."
"Why not?"
Louis turned back to the wall, and Dee followed his gaze. She recognized the portrait of Jurgen Belzen with his family. "Oh," she said softly, although she didn't quite understand.
"This was Rika," Louis said, pointing to the wife. "And the older daughter's name was Annie. But this," his finger rested gently on the younger girl, "was Molly. She was my goddaughter."
Dee's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Mine and Helena's." Louis laughed. "Helena would take the girls to play paintball and to Pyramid games, and I was the one who took Molly to the princess movies and did tea parties with her. Although I have to say, there are few things in this universe that are funnier than watching Helena suffer through a tea party." Dee finally realized that he was talking about Admiral Cain, and goggled at him. Louis didn't notice. "She was a bit of a princess, I think. She wanted to be a nurse like her mother, though. I wonder if she would have been."
Dee didn't know what to say. She finally managed, "Were you close to Annie, too?"
Louis nodded. "Yes. Annie's godparents were Jurgen's brother and his wife, but she called me Uncle Lou. She and Molly were the only two people I know who have ever been allowed to get away with calling me Lou." His fingers drifted over the picture. "Gods, I miss them."
"And Hera brings it all back," Dee said dully. "I'm sorry we pressed the issue."
Louis shrugged, finally dropping his hand. "It's all right," he said eventually. "One day, I'll have to face it. One day I'll have to face a lot of things. But I can't right now, not if I want to keep going." He sighed. "Do you have any idea how frakked up the human race is going to be for a long time? Everyone's lost so much, and when we can stop running and have time to really think… it's going to be ugly," Louis predicted.
"It might not be," Dee said hopefully.
"New Caprica was. Even before the Cylons invaded."
"New Caprica was a struggle for survival. Earth is supposed to be inhabited. It must be different."
Louis shrugged. "It might be. But it's going to be a mess," he said.
Dee shook her head, but held her tongue. Louis sighed and turned away from the wall.
"I have duty," he said. "I'll see you later."
***
"'When will Mommy and Daddy be home? When will Mommy and Daddy be home?' I swear if I hear it again, I'm going to scream," Dee said over the line to Louis.
"It's not long now," Louis said. "Just a few more days."
"Mmm."
"Three days, five hours, and twenty seven minutes at the most," Louis said.
"But who's counting?" Dee laughed. She sighed. "They must not have found it yet."
"That's what I keep telling myself," Louis said. He turned and checked the DRADIS screen like any other man would check a clock. "It's better than the alternative, at any rate."
"True. Do you think they'll find it?"
She could see Louis shrug. "Don't know."
"You don't really think Earth is real, do you?" Dee realized.
"Don't know if Earth is," Louis admitted. "But Felix is, and as long as he comes back to me, I'm happy." He glanced over at the Admiral and the Colonel, but neither of them was listening. "Three days, five hours, and twenty six minutes."
***
"WEAPONS HOLD!" Colonel Tigh's voice rang through the CIC, and everything froze for what felt like a long moment.
The console beeped insistently at her.
"DRADIS contact," Dee informed them, picking up the headset.
"Galactica, Demetrius," Helo's voice was informing her. "Do not fire. Baseship is disarmed and under Colonial command. Officers aboard."
"Demetrius, Galactica. Authenticate," Dee ordered.
"Galactica, Demetrius. I authenticate, bravo tango 8," Dee exhaled in relief. "Do not fire. Starbuck and Athena have control of the baseship."
"Good to hear your voice, Helo," Dee said. "Give us a sitrep."
"Baseship is disarmed and under Colonial command. Starbuck, Longshot, Athena, and Barolay are on board. The communication is shaky at best- I think the jump might have fried the wireless."
"Copy that. Are there Cylons aboard the Demetrius?"
"That's a negative. But you'd better get a Raptor over here as soon as possible, with a medical team on board." Helo paused. "Gaeta's down."
Dee's throat closed. "How bad is it?"
"Bad. Leg wound, but… Dee, just get someone over here immediately."
"Copy that." Adama looked up at her and gave her a signal. "Transferring you to the Admiral," she said. She clicked the line off and immediately dialed down to sickbay, ordering a team of medics up as fast as they could go.
For a long moment after that, she sat, uncertain of what to do. The Vipers were all flying out, swarming the basestar, keeping an eye out for any more. She looked down at Louis, who had finished coordinating the Fleet's jump. She wondered if she should go down and tell him about Felix.
She didn't have to. Tigh was on the line with Helo, and she heard his side of the conversation from her station. "What the frak?" he was shouting. "Gaeta's been shot? What the frak is going on over there?"
Louis went stark white and twirled a dial on his console, and Dee could see from his face he was listening in. If possible, his face turned even paler. He turned, looked at the DRADIS, and then turned back to Adama. "Sir, I-"
"Incoming?" Adama demanded tensely.
"No, sir."
"Keep an eye on it, Mr. Hoshi," Adama said firmly. "It may very well be a trap."
"Yes, sir." Dee saw the realization that duty must come first right now sink through Louis. In fact, she noticed that Adama was avoiding her eye as well.
"Take a contingent of Marines over to the baseship," Adama ordered Tigh. "I want to know exactly what is going on."
"Yes, sir." Tigh looked a little spooked, but he saluted and left the CIC.
Dee snapped back to her own job, but her mouth was dry and her heart kept pounding oddly.
Two hours later, Helo entered the CIC. He came straight for Dee. "How's Hera?" he asked, leaning down towards her. He smelled strongly of sewage, and Dee covered her nose as discreetly as she could.
"She's fine," she said. "Shower before you see her, though. How's Gaeta?"
"Doc says he's going to make it, most likely," Helo said. "He's got to amputate, though."
"Amputate?" Dee asked, appalled.
Helo didn't physically squirm, but it was obvious he wanted to. "Yeah. Listen, would you mind picking up Hera from daycare again tonight? I'm going to be tied up in the debriefing and everything that's going on." Dee nodded. "Great. Thanks Dee." He sucked in a breath and looked down at the tactical station. "I'd better go tell Hoshi."
Dee would never forget the look on Louis's face when Helo gave him the news. She'd never forget the way his hands shook as he turned back to the tactical station, realizing he wasn't going to be able to go down to sickbay because Adama was putting him on a double shift, given the precariousness of the situation. She would try, but she would never be able to erase it. Or her own sick feeling as she tried not to imagine what was happening to Felix at this very minute.
She looked up at the clock, and then turned back and did her job.
***
It was late when Dee made it back to the officer's racks, finally leaving Hera with her parents. She stared for a long moment at Felix and Louis's empty bunks, and she tried to make herself sit in her own. But she just couldn't do it.
There was no reason to feel like there were ghosts- Felix wasn't dead. But as she stood in the room, Dee looked at where they'd placed the mattress two months ago, and she imagined she could hear the memories talking… laughing. She wiped a hand across her eyes.
Felix would live. He had to.
She was just moving towards the hatch when it opened, and Noel came in. He had showered, but he still looked tired and worn and haggard. When he saw her, he closed the space between them in two swift steps and pulled Dee close.
Noel's chest was warm and solid under Dee's shoulder. "I went down to sickbay," Noel told her, and she could feel his voice under her cheek. "Doc took his leg."
"Gods." Dee shuddered. "Is he going to-"
"Yeah. He's going to live."
"Gods, I really thought-"
"I know. We all did." His arms tightened around her protectively. Dee knew exactly how he felt, and she squeezed his waist.
They stood together for a long time, taking comfort in each others' presence. But it wasn't enough. Dee hadn't been down to sickbay, but it was all too easy to envision Felix lying in bed, Louis sitting worriedly beside him. She looked up at Noel, only to find him looking down at her. And without thinking about what she was doing, she pulled herself up on to her tiptoes and kissed him. Noel started in surprise, but then his hand was smoothing her hair, and he was kissing her back.
Dee was honest enough to admit that she'd always wondered what Noel was like in bed, just like she'd always had her speculations about Felix, and even occasionally about Louis. And she'd always been able to picture him picking her up and moving them to the privacy of her rack, pulling the curtain. And she'd always known he'd be a good kisser.
It didn't start as passionate, but they let it spiral there, because then it was easier not to think and that was the whole point. It was so much easier to drown in this comfort, in this warmth, in his lips and his touch and his scent, and when her eyes met his, she could tell he felt the same way. He wasn't necessarily the best lover she'd ever had- there were moments he was even more awkward than Billy had been- but it was what she needed.
They moved together, Noel's forearms tight against her shoulders, her legs against his waist. She gripped his back, her head falling back as she came. Easy, her mind whispered. This is easy, but it's not real…. She firmly told herself to shut up and moved with Noel, finding his rhythm again.
It took a while, which shouldn't have surprised her. Dee wondered what he was thinking about when he came, gasping into her shoulder and clinging tight to her body. He stilled, and she reached up and brushed his hair aside.
"Are you all right?" she asked him softly.
Noel nodded. He stayed there for a long moment and then pulled out, lying beside her. She was afraid he'd pull away, but he reached for her and pulled her close, lacing the fingers of his free hand through hers. He opened his mouth to say something, reconsidered, and shut it, pulling her close and gently kissing her forehead.
"Noel," Dee began.
Noel shook his head. "Don't say anything," he said. "Just let yourself sleep. We'll deal with everything tomorrow. But right now, let's both sleep."
Dee nodded silently and arranged herself more comfortably against him, her back against his side. Noel turned over and draped his arm around her waist, spooning her against him comfortably, and they both drifted off to sleep.
***
When Dee woke up to an insistent alarm, Noel greeted her with a friendly kiss and slid out of the rack. "I don't have a briefing for another hour," he told her, hitching his pants up over his bare bottom. He looked around the locker, and made a face. "Louis never came back last night, either. I'll stop by the infirmary and see how Felix is doing and report back. Sound good?"
Dee nodded. She sat up, keeping the blanket around her, rubbing at her eyes. "Thanks, Noel."
"Hey, no problem," Noel said. He smiled at her, pulled on his tanks, and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you later, right?" Dee nodded.
There was no feeling of slinking out, no feeling of shame. Noel left quickly, but it was with his head high and a confident step, and Dee could only smile as the hatch closed behind him. He hadn't tried to talk about this, he hadn't tried to make it into something more than it was with a morning-after analysis. He just left it what it was, leaving Dee to do the same.
And that, Dee thought, as she slid out of the rack, was the most comforting thing of all.
On to Part 16
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 12:02 pm (UTC)I was just thinking I wish someone would hook up and mourning the loss of the Pain and Heaven foursome (I love Pain and Heaven and still read it lots, just so you know) but I was still surprised at the Dee/Narcho hookup. I have this vague sense that Narcho is going to get hurt and badly. Dee might not even hurt him on purpose just she's on a certain path that will affect all of her boys.
I think my favorite part of this chapter was Hera insisting she would not pee. That was cute but I have to admit it was weird to me that Narcho would actually urinate in front of the little girl? Or did I read that right? Maybe if he was her father . . . I don't know. Anyway, I liked her tantrums and asking why all the time. As a little child I asked, "Why?" all the time. Still do. :-)
I am looking forward to the next chapter, though, oh, Felix. :-( But at least his friends will visit him, right? I'm glad that you gave him such good friends in this story.
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Date: 2009-08-14 01:29 pm (UTC)I have this vague sense that Narcho is going to get hurt and badly.
You think? :) It's kind of a bummer in a way, but we won't see Narcho's path play all the way out here. I'm TOTALLY setting him up for the mutiny. I'm looking forward to doing "Teacher's Pet" with Noel talking to Roslin, because I'm going to need Narcho closure after all this.
That was cute but I have to admit it was weird to me that Narcho would actually urinate in front of the little girl?
Hmmm. One of my problems is that I don't always do my settings so well. :P The way I envision it, Hera's in a stall with the door open so Dee's got room to kneel, and the urinals are across from her. So when Noel pees, he's got his back to her. And apparently (okay, so I knew this), men only need to unzip their fly to pee.
(Funny side story- my husband took Toby into a crowded public restroom at an aquarium to use the bathroom. Toby can pee while standing, but needs his pants all the way down. Howard, being more advanced in the art of peeing, just undid his fly. Toby was extremely impressed and shouted "Wow! I can't do that! Is your penis different from mine?!" Howard hustled him out of the crowded restroom, told me the story, and I laughed my ass off. :) )
But anyway, I also figure that nudity doesn't seem to be as big a deal on the Colonies. Noel would consider it reprehensible to ever undress in front of a child in a sexual way, but some sort of mundane thing like this? It might not bother him so much.
Anyway, I liked her tantrums and asking why all the time.
Thanks :) Whenever I write Hera, I totally base her on Toby. I don't think they're all that much alike, but it makes her easier to write. As you can tell, that scene just might be lifted from real life. :)
But at least his friends will visit him, right? I'm glad that you gave him such good friends in this story.
YES. I don't know if we'll see it much on screen, but they will visit him when they can. Unfortunately, with the attack on the Hub and everything, Dee and Hoshi are desperately needed in the CIC and Noel's wrapped up with the Vipers. But they all visit, and so does Zarek.
Thanks for reading and commenting! :)
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Date: 2009-08-14 02:11 pm (UTC)It's interesting. If Hera had been a boy, it wouldn't have seemed weird to me. It's my own thing. I'm sure nudity on the Galactica isn't a big deal. And I wasn't even thinking he was even nude. It's just like Kara on the toilet with the door open. People let it all kinda hang out, I suppose but it seems . . . I can't find a word for it, but something!
Ah, poor Narcho. Poor all of them, really. I do like that you weave in how close Dee is to the Agathons. You are good at tying such loose ends together!
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Date: 2009-08-14 01:13 pm (UTC)I don't think Gaeta is going to be very happy that Dee hasn't shown up. Now I'm bracing myself for the tension thats going to take place between them, and between Felix and Louis.
You're going to break my heart all over again. But I can't wait for the next chapter.
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Date: 2009-08-14 01:34 pm (UTC)I don't think you need to brace too hard for those tensions. I usually don't put awful tension between Felix and Louis until after Dee's suicide, and it hasn't been that long that Felix has been out of surgery. Realistically, he's going to be allowed only a few visitors at a time- probably one- and Dee and Noel would definitely give Louis that slot. Felix is also going to be sleeping a lot, and as much as I hate to say it, he understands that he's a soldier and his friends are soldiers. He gets that they have duty.
Although GWCTD was a very lonely episode for Felix, I can't believe that people like Dee and Hoshi and Noel didn't visit him. I can also understand why they didn't necessarily show it, because it just isn't that interesting compared to Natalie setting up the alliance and the destruction of the Hub. I can see why he wouldn't have constant company (the whole soldier point), but yeah. Dee and Noel will make it down there :)
Thanks so much! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 03:54 pm (UTC)I totally see why you needed to keep the dialogue from "Pain and Heaven" now--excellent call. Not only the Earth foreshadowing, but the Earth=Dee (and Narcho) can have a family foreshadowing worked perfectly. You did a great job of upping the ante on why Earth is so important to Dee in this chapter by showing how, specifically, her future depends on Earth. And kudos for finding such a great, believable, and inevitably-it's-going-to-break-them way to get Narcho and Dee in bed together. I was so happy to hear him talking about feeling like he had a life and a future for the first time, and then when it clicked as to why he feels that way...no wonder things completely fell apart after Dee died. I cannot *wait* to read "Teacher's Pet," because I'm really, really curious about what all is going on in Noel's head.
Two little points: loved your description of Louis hearing what had happened to Felix and not being able to do anything about it because duty comes first, and loved the image of Cain suffering through a tea party.
Excellent chapter!
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Date: 2009-08-14 07:42 pm (UTC)I so, so, SO wish they'd put a Dee-Adama scene in after Dee and Lee separated as well. To me, the most interesting aspect of Dee's character was her father-daughter like relationship with Adama, and how she was one of the few people who could tell Adama what he needed to hear and actually have him listen. If they had kept that relationship after Dee married Lee, I wouldn't have disliked Dee/Lee nearly so much. That's a really interesting point though, that Dee was what adama was looking for in Lee. I like that.
I'm glad reusing the dialogue from Pain and Heaven worked, too. I love that section so much for the dialogue, far more than the sex, and I really didn't want to lose that moment. I'm excited to write Teacher's Pet, but I'm nervous, too- I hope it lives up to expectations!
he image of Cain suffering through a tea party.
I don't know about you, but I really, really want art :)
Thanks so much!!! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 04:52 pm (UTC)But at the same time, how much do I love this? The scene with Adama, especially. I really wish the show had given us that. (I also rather wish the show had acknowledged that Sam basically became his son-in-law when he married Kara, but that's a complaint for a whole other post) Especially how he kept the picture of Lee and Dee on his desk... that made me want to cry.
Dee taking care of Hera during Demetrius... well, it certainly explains a lot. And in that context, it makes that last night she babysits Hera even more heartbreaking.
The scene from Pain and Heaven worked really well. I'm glad you kept it, now that I see the exact context you used. :) I don't know if I ever mentioned before, but I like how it's Felix and Louis, rather than Dee, who seem skeptical of the idea of all three men being her collective babydaddy. I don't know why, but Dee just accepting that and letting Noel keep talking makes me smile.
And you let Noel sleep with Dee after all! Heh. All his pestering finally paid off, I see. I can't help thinking that they would make very pretty babies. :( You are about to break my heart with Dee, and then you are going to break my heart with Noel. And yet, I sit transfixed, waiting to see how.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 08:07 pm (UTC)I had never realized that Sam essentially becomes Adama's son-in-law, but OMG, you're right. I now want Sam-Adama fic. ::Plots how maybe I can work that into my AU, since Sam doesn't get shot and is a major player in the fic.::
I don't know why, but Dee just accepting that and letting Noel keep talking makes me smile.
Heh- thanks :) That amuses me, too. It's interesting- I never really thought about it, but it fits.
And yeah, I HAD to let Noel sleep with Dee. He wouldn't shut up, and he convinced me it would really break him. Plus, he also reminded me that the Galactica seems to have a more casual attitude towards sex than I do, and Dee is certainly a sexual person. ::sigh:: He was right. :P :) But there are a few conditions I inflicted on him.... >:)
Thanks again! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 08:23 pm (UTC)I had never realized that Sam essentially becomes Adama's son-in-law, but OMG, you're right. I now want Sam-Adama fic..
I just thought about that yesterday, to be honest. I started writing something with Sam, and I remembered that moment when Kara introduces him to Adama which felt so much like "Hey Dad, meet my new boyfriend!" and it seemed... very odd to me that there wouldn't be a relationship between those two, especially since Sam does become a pilot after Kara's death.
You are going to break Noel into itty bitty sad broken pieces. I know you. I look forward to it. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 11:18 pm (UTC)The foursome and Dee's babydaddy scene made me smile. I always had the feeling that Dee's issue with Lee and Kara wasn't monogomy as much as it was honesty. I wonder if they'd gone to her and Sam and been upfront would the four of them have set up housekeeping together. I can envision either a yes or no, but it would mean that Lee and Kara had to admit their own feelings for each other first.
The scene when Dee hears that Felix's leg had to be amputated just about killed me. There was so much pain for all four of them. It's odd I really never liked Felix with Louis on the show (of course it was a retcon after thought for the webisodes so it's not like they really did much with it). You make me like them as a couple, a lot and it just hurts what this is going to do to Louis.
I have four nieces Hera reminds me of them all!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 11:06 am (UTC)I agree that the biggest issue with infidelity in general is the honesty. I'm not in any way into polygamy, but I can understand it on an intellectual level. But knowing that someone is lying to your face... that was what hurt Dee so badly, especially because she never thought Lee would do that.
I'm glad that you like Felix and Louis here. Louis IS such a blank slate on the show, and their relationship is so barely glanced on and not very well thought out... I think the two main reasons I'm actually a shipper are because I desperately want Felix to have had some happiness, and I can't resist Brad Dryborough's smile.
And I'm glad you like my Hera! Whenever I write her, I totally base her on my son.
Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-15 01:11 am (UTC)I had this supreme reaction of "NO FELIX! DON'T GO ON THE MISSION! BADNESS WILL HAPPEN!"
I was amused by the ranch conversation... just thinking "This seems familiar."
And this:
Helena would take the girls to play paintball and to Pyramid games, and I was the one who took Molly to the princess movies and did tea parties with her
May be the most beautiful image NEVER
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 11:08 am (UTC)I now want to write Cain fluff where she plays with Jurgen's little girls. (Actually, as I got thinking about it, she might have done well with tea parties. Gina complimented her on what a lovely table she set, so Cain obviously enjoyed entertaining. Oh well.)
Thanks again! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-15 01:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 11:10 am (UTC)this last chapter is going to hurt so badly. I was just thinking this morning I wish I could go AU and have Hoshi kill himself after Earth and Dee be Admiral. But with the background I've given Hoshi, I can't believe he'd ever kill himself. (Erm, the time he does in Softly Tread nonwithstanding, but he'd consider that the cancer and not suicide.) He's fought too hard for his life.
Thanks so much!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-16 12:38 am (UTC)Tonya
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 11:11 am (UTC)Thanks again! :)
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Date: 2009-08-16 03:35 pm (UTC)Oh, Noel. So smart in figuring that Starbuck will probably get the squadron back, and yet so silly in thinking Zarek will actually get the position after Roslin dies. *pets*
Yay, the banter! \o/ I love Felix and Louis cuddling. Aw. *squishes them* And their little exhange as he leaves! I have officially melted into a wibbly puddle.
Wow, I think this chapter was written by a mom. ;-)
Noel wants to be your babydaddy, Dee!
"Uncle Lou"?! *giggles like a madwoman*
*whimper* Oh, Felix. Oh, Louis. Dee, go visit him, damnit.
Dee/Noel worked well there. Though like daybreak, I'm worried for Noel...
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 11:19 am (UTC)I had fun with this chapter, if nothing else because I got to write Noel. (And Hera. What, did it totally give it away that I have a three year old?)
Don't worry- Dee will visit Felix. Despite the loneliness that we saw in the actual canon, I can't believe that Dee NEVER went down there. Not after Felix's reaction to her suicide. I can believe she wasn't down there much- she and Hoshi were probably both constantly working given the attack on the Hub and all that. But I'm sure she must have visited.
And yeah, I'm worried for Noel, to.
Thanks so much!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 04:38 pm (UTC)(And hence the "visit Felix" challenge. Fanfic was invented for this sort of thing!)
Either you have one yourself or you spent a lot of time babysitting one. Or you're just good at writing kids, because what do I know about three year olds, really? I just happen to know the truth re: you and 3yo's. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 09:38 pm (UTC)I'd say more, but it'd just be a lot of squee, really. It's sad knowing how close this is to the end, but I like that there's a bit of contentment for Dee in this time period.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-08 12:49 am (UTC)Thanks! :)