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lls_mutantMy post was too large. So...
***
“That’s the Potters’ owl, isn’t it?” Damien asked curiously at breakfast on Sunday morning.
“Yeah.” Sirius took the letter and gave the owl some crumbs from his bread. “It’s not like James to write, especially since I’ve only been gone for two…” His heart leapt up to his throat and his voice dried up.
“Sirius?”
Padfoot-
Whatever you do, do NOT let Mr. Lupin see this letter. He’ll find out about it when he gets back.
I wasn’t sure whether to write you or not. Moony said not to, but Wormtail and I both think you should know. Moony and Lily were attacked by Death Eaters the other night. They’re okay- they got away and everything- but Wormtail says they used Crucio on Moony and maybe on Lily, too. Sounds like they were young or weak- Moony says they tried to AK him but it didn’t work. They were both pretty healed up by the time I got there.
I know there’s nothing you can do, but Wormtail and I both thought that if we were the ones away, we’d want you to tell us, so… so yeah. They’re okay, and we hope you are too.
Take care, Padfoot.
-Prongs
Sirius folded the letter hastily, shoving it in his pocket. They were all right. Remus was all right, James had said so. And yet… he wouldn’t feel right until he saw Remus face to face.
***
That night Sirius finally inked a number on his forearm. He knew instinctively what number to use: 110974. Remus’s number. Damien had made a face when he saw it.
“At least we know it’s a number in use,” Sirius had pointed out. “No one will recognize it as being false.”
“I suppose I should just be grateful you didn’t use 24601 or something like that.”
“Very funny.” Sirius sorted through his clothing and pulled on an old pair of jeans, using a controlled severing charm to rip a few strategic holes in the knees and then to fray his shirt cuffs. “Kimberton has never seen you or Remus before, right?”
“Right,” Damien confirmed, pulling the hood of his cloak up. “Alice, Christine, Lichtenstein, and Stern have got us covered from the outside. Are you ready?”
“’Course.” Sirius checked again for his wand and then snickered. “Bet you’d never thought your kid would look anything like me.”
Damien snorted and to Sirius’s complete surprise, reached out and ruffled his hair. “Come on, then,” he said. “Let’s go.”
***
They stepped into the Night Creatures' Den. It was exactly what one would think: a smoke-clogged bar with dim lights, dingy corners and surly service. Sirius tried to think how Remus would enter a place like that and finally decided to enter it like he would any other bar. Beside him, huddled in his cloak, Damien hunched his shoulders and adopted an "I don't have a right to exist" look that Sirius recognized from the same source of inspiration. He pursed his lips and pushed that thought from his mind.
"He's not here," Sirius murmured to Damien as they found a corner table and sat down.
"Check the back room. Get up and get us a drink," Damien ordered.
The clientele of the Night Creatures' Den was rather monochromatic, Sirius noticed. A lot of browns and shabby faded blues, but gray dominated. Gray in clothing, in robes, in faces, in eyes. Signs of poverty and destitution were clear. Clothing had been patched, stained, recovered. The liquor was cheap, and the food that went by was greasy enough to turn even Sirius's stomach.
He scanned the faces quickly. Kimberton, a blonde bloke with a pale face and eyes, should stand out easily in Turkey. It wasn’t quite as easy as he would have imagined, but Sirius didn’t see anyone that looked like the pictures he’d seen.
He didn’t want to admit it, but being in the bar sent shivers down his spine. There was a low-key malevolence in the air that was almost tangible. Bitterness, hatred, bloodlust, and anger swirled red on the edges of vision. Sirius shivered and made his way back to Damien, carrying two glasses of cheap nettle wine. Damien was huddled over the table, shivering in his cloak.
“Are you all right?” Sirius asked.
Damien’s eyes reminded Sirius too much of Remus when he looked up. “Yes. I think so.” He sipped the wine that Sirius held out for him. Sirius settled down and waited, shifting uncomfortably, but Damien didn’t seem inclined to speak. He leaned back and watched the doorway.
“Damien,” he hissed, fifteen minutes later. “He’s here.”
For a fugitive from British magical law, Kimberton entered the pub with a surprising amount of nonchalance and confidence. “Give him a minute,” Damien said. “Or see if he notices us first.”
Kimberton stopped at the bar and exchanged a few words with the bartender. The bartender pointed to their table, and Kimberton turned to look. Sirius felt his stomach knot in anticipation, and it was all he could do to appear calm and uninterested in the pair at the bar. He took a drink of the wine and an intense, relaxing sensation swept through him. Good stuff, this Turkish wine. It had a very different taste than what he was used to.
The bartender slid a drink across the counter. Kimberton took it and laughed at whatever the man said, and then walked straight over to their table.
“May I join you?”
Sirius glanced at Damien, who shrugged. “All right,” Damien said in a hoarse, harsh whisper that Sirius had never heard him use.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you gents here before.” Kimberton accioed a chair to him and sat down. “You don’t look like you’re from around here.”
“We’re not,” Sirius, master of excuses and fake alibis agreed. “Came out this way on business.”
“What sort of business do you have?” Kimberton asked interestedly.
“A few knick-knacks that we want to be selling. Preferably far away from England and somewhere there’s a market for them.”
“Ah. I see.” Kimberton leaned back, watching them with interest. Sirius smirked to himself smugly. Hook, line, and sinker. “Found buyers yet?”
“A few, yeah.” Sirius grinned, playing the innocent black market profiteer for all he was worth, the words coming easily. “Might be nice to get a higher price than Alphard and Arden’s is offering, but we gotta take what we can get.”
“Alphard and Arden’s? I’m not familiar with that particular store.”
Damien shot Sirius a look of annoyance. “Alphard Anardan. He’s a dealer in Ahlat.”
“Oh.” Kimberton seemed to accept this. “I’m Tom, by the way. Tom Kimberton.” He reached forward, and Sirius took his hand, deliberately letting his robe fall away to reveal a part of the number.
“Romulus,” he said.
Damien kicked him under the table, but accepted Kimberton’s hand in turn. “Colin. What do you do, Tom?”
“I’m something of a salesman myself,” Kimberton answered pleasantly. “I like to think of myself as a salesman of opportunity.”
“Opportunity?” Damien asked.
“Well, yes. You see, in this bar all around you are people- yes, I did say people- who are disenfranchised by the society they should belong to. They’re stuck in between worlds. They’re magical, so they can’t fit in the Muggle world,” Kimberton spat on the floor, as if the word ‘Muggle’ was a curse, “and yet they’re all people who are ostracized from wizarding society in some way. They’re forbidden contact with the world that might accept them by the world that rules them. Very frustrating.”
“You’re preaching to the choir,” Sirius said, leaning in with interest.
“I know. And that’s why I’m interested in talking to you. You see, it’s very frustrating for people like this… people like you. People who have been cast out from the society that should not only protect them, but damn it, should respect them for all that they’ve done and endured. It’s not easy to endure a transformation or to be compelled to drink blood for sustenance.”
“No,” Sirius agreed, warming up to the topic. Under the table, Damien kicked him again, and Sirius drew back.
“Right.” Kimberton gestured vaguely with his glass. “So that’s why I have a proposition for you.”
“A proposition?” Sirius asked. The alarm bells started ringing. Too easy. This had been way too easy. But the warning was buried under a stronger sense of lassitude.
“Of course.” Kimberton tilted his chair back. “You, the scorned, the hated, the despised, can be far more than that. I know people, you know.”
“People,” Damien said dryly. “What people do you know?”
“People who know people,” Kimberton said with a sly smile. “People that the disinherited, disowned son of a pureblood family and the father of a werewolf might be very interested in knowing, if they wanted to change things.”
Sirius froze. Or rather, he wanted to freeze, but he found himself picking up his glass of wine again. “What makes you think I’m the father of a werewolf?” he said glibly. “I’m a little young for that.”
Kimberton laughed, but Damien put a hand on Sirius’s arm. “You’ve had enough tonight, I think,” he said.
“What? This is only my first-“
“You’ve had enough.”
“Let the boy drink,” Kimberton said as he gestured grandly, but his eyes were hard and cold. “You never know what tomorrow will bring. So tell me, Sirius,” he said, stressing the name. “Haven’t you felt it was unfair, the way you were disinherited?”
“Well-“
“Don’t you wish there was a way you could show them, a way you could get revenge? A way that…” he trailed off, staring down Damien’s wand. “What? I was just talking.”
“Just talking my ass,” Damien said. Sirius noticed he was slurring his words, and struggled to get a grip on himself. Everything was too lucid. Too easy. Too… too. He fumbled for his wand, and then looked up to find himself staring down an ebony length.
“I wouldn’t, if I were you, Black,” Kimberton said. “There’s about ten patrons in this bar who are quite loyal to me and my cause.”
Sirius swayed, blinked, and pulled out his wand. “Incarcerous,” he said, ropes shooting out of his wand. Kimberton dodged easily, and the pub burst in a frenzy of hexes. The door blew open, and Alice, Christine, Lichtenstein and Stern rushed in as well.
It was a haze; nothing like that first time when everything was clear and sharp and simple. Sirius struggled against the murky fuzziness that threatened to cloud him and pull him under. But he must be doing something right. He saw his own wand flashing, bright red lights hitting opponents that rose up and came into view.
Something hit him, something sharp and painful that felt like shards of glass shooting up his arm. It shocked him out of that glib lethargy, bringing back his full awareness with a burning shock. He had a moment to be grateful and then he was wrapped up in the battle, Damien against his shoulder as they both fired hexes and curses at the onslaught.
He began to realize he was moving; running and dodging. Not all of the bar’s patrons were involved; some had fled and others had moved back along the walls, watching and weighing the outcome. Across the room he was aware of Alice shouting, her wand flashing bright with hexes fired off even faster than his own.
Kimberton. They had to get to Kimberton.
He heard a woman scream and spun around just in time to see Christine slump to the ground. “Stern!” Sirius shouted, spotting the werewolf near her. “Help her!”
Stern didn’t appear to have heard him. Instead, he came running towards Sirius, wand drawn.
There was no maniacal smile on his face, no evil laughter. In fact, later Sirius registered that his eyes had seemed conflicted. But his wand was drawn and the intent was clear, and it was only because Sirius had had Snivellus and years of feuding between them that he was quick enough to fire off the Impedimenta jinx. Across the room Damien shouted his name, and Sirius jumped over the body and rounded a table.
“Quick,” Damien panted, and Sirius noted that Kimberton was lying on the floor in front of him. “Go get Christine.”
“Mobilicorpus,” Sirius muttered, and Christine came floating towards them. Eerie to see that. Damien was working with something small, whispering some sort of enchantment, and then grabbed Kimberton’s hand..
“We got everyone? Alice? Good. Shit. Stupefy! Hands on- Sirius, make sure you’ve got Christine’s hand on as well, and three, two, one-“
Sirius touched the quill Damien was holding out, and felt the familiar jerking sensation of a portkey pulling him back to England.
***
Remus sat with James, Peter, Lily and Frank in the Dragon Rider pub, uncomfortable and on edge. Two nights to full moon, and to his surprise it still hung heavy in his mind. He’d thought it might not. What was a transformation after surviving the Cruciatus curse? But then, it had never really been about the pain.
“Remus?” Lily said, startling him out of his own dark thoughts. “Want a round of snooker?”
“Sounds good,” he said, joining her. As they walked back to the snooker room, he was acutely aware of Lily’s arm against his. “How are you holding up?” he asked, as she waved her wand and the balls flew into formation.
“All right,” Lily answered. “You?”
“Been worse, I suppose. Looks like you got healed up pretty well.”
“Yeah, you too.”
He felt like he was back in seventh year, right when Lily had finally agreed to date James and he, Sirius, and Peter had been threatened with a variety of hexes normally reserved for Slytherins in order to ensure good behavior. Nothing in common then, too much in common now. He gestured for her to break.
“Nice shot.”
“Thanks.” She missed the next one, and scratched her nose against the cue. “Full moon in a few days.”
“I know. I’m hoping Sirius will be back then.”
“If he’s not?”
“I’m thinking I might go to my parents’ place. I’m a little worried this time.”
Lily nodded. Unlike the others, she didn’t try to talk him out of it. She just accepted he knew what was best. He focused on the game.
“Sorry I’m not myself,” Lily said abruptly, after three rounds passed in near-silence. “I just started on the rag.”
Remus felt himself collapsing against the cue as he absorbed the meaning of Lily’s words- and their significance. Her green eyes flashed at him, and he knew it was part of his promise not to acknowledge that there was any reason to be worried. "That time of the month, hey?” he asked, forcing a smile into his voice. “Didn’t some Muggle scientist do some study where girls get into sync or something?”
“The McClintlock effect. Yeah. Are you saying you’re pulling me in line?”
“Something like that,” Remus teased.
Lily snickered. “Right then.” She shot the last ball in. “Two out of three, loser buys drinks?”
“You’re on.”
They kept up a steady stream of banter through the games, the levity hiding that broken fibers within them that would need help to heal, but not from each other. Through the entrance to the next room, Remus could see James sitting with Peter and Frank, laughing at something Frank was saying. He envied Lily, being able to go home tonight with someone who didn’t have to listen to understand and want to protect her. He envied her, too, to have James’s attention so focused on her. He snorted to himself. Being jealous of a friend’s fiancée was a low he didn’t want to sink to.
“You owe me a drink,” he told Lily shamelessly as he made his final shot. It was the least she could do.
Then he saw Frank jump up, and all his bitterness drained away as he saw Alice and Sirius enter the pub. Frank scooped Alice up in his arms, spinning her around and kissing her soundly in a show of affection that was almost embarrassing.
By comparison, Sirius’s entrance was quiet. He went over to James and Peter, exchanging clasped hands and brief hugs. Remus waited in the snooker room as Lily went out to greet him, just watching him.
Sirius looked tired. His clothes were rumpled and travel-stained, and his hair was lank. There were deep circles under his eyes, and a mostly-healed cut on his temple. But when he crossed the pub his steps were quick, and his eyes were bright as he enveloped Remus in an embrace tight enough to crack his ribs.
“You’re all right, then?” Sirius asked anxiously as he released him. “You don’t look any different.”
“I’m fine, Sirius,” Remus said, his smile not quite genuine and for once relieved that someone would see straight through it. “Come on. Let’s go bug the others and hear all your adventures in Turkey.”
“I brought you back something,” Sirius sing-songed as they made their way back over to where the others were sitting. “I’ll give it to you when you come over tonight.”
“You think I’m coming over tonight?” Remus asked, feeling like everything in the world had suddenly righted just because the four of them were back together again and Sirius was at his side.
“I know you are.”
“Smug egotist.”
“You’d better believe it.”
They smiled at each other like nothing had happened at all.
***
They laid in bed later that night, wrapped around each other with the echoes of the evening still lingering in their ears. Sirius’s hand traced slowly down Remus’s spine. When he’d gotten James’s owl about the attack, he’d envisioned Remus much as he was after transformations; bleeding and physically weak. It had been a shock to see Remus at the Dragon Rider Pub, on his feet and casually playing snooker with Lily, even if it had made sense.
The sex tonight had surprised him too. Sirius had rather thought tonight would be gentle and hesitant, like the first time, but as soon as the door had closed behind them they were on each other, hot and hard and absolutely desperate. There had been a moment when he’d pulled back, worried that this was too much, but Remus had tugged him back in, demanding and consuming. A trail of clothing marked their progress across the flat, and they’d never had a chance of making it to the bed. Not until they collapsed into it, spent and gasping and laughing at their own intensity.
“Well, we did make it to the bedroom,” Remus pointed out, his words muffled against Sirius’s shoulder. “Barely, if against the doorjamb counts.”
“And whose fault is that?” Sirius demanded. “Honestly, Moony. Ever heard of the Pushy Bottom Society?”
“Our motto is ‘Fuck me hard, fuck me now’,” Remus quipped.
“I’m thinking you’re a card carrying member.”
“Don’t have a card.”
“You will.” Sirius resolved to write one out the next morning. “Are you okay though?”
Remus nestled down, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders. “Fine, Pads. We’ve got the hang of it now, I think.”
Sirius snorted. “That’s not what I meant. I meant… the Crucio and everything.”
“Yeah,” Remus said softly. “Tell me more about Turkey,” he insisted when the silence grew to heavy.
Sirius told him about the mission, about how they’d left Lichtenstein dead on the floor of a pub and Stern had gotten away, and Christine Kinns would be in St. Mungo’s for two weeks at least. He told him about the snippets of information they’d picked up, and stories of things that had happened along the way. He didn’t tell Remus about the fact that Stern was a werewolf, or that Alice and Christine hadn’t trusted him.
“That’s not what I wanted to hear about,” Remus said when Sirius had finished. “Tell me about Turkey. What was it like?”
“Oh!” Sirius sat up, remembering. “I did get you something.”
Remus laughed as Sirius scurried out of bed and rooted through his bag. “You didn’t have to.”
“I know. But this was perfect,” Sirius said, holding the small package out to Remus.
“What is it?” Remus asked, unwrapping it as eagerly as a child. It was a small dome made of Muggle plastic, with a badly sculpted mosque inside, under water. When Remus shook it, glitter swarmed around the mosque. “A Muggle snow globe?” he laughed. “Sirius, this is priceless. Really.”
“No. Look closer,” Sirius insisted.
Remus did, bending over until his forehead nearly touched the globe. Without warning he felt that sucking sensation one felt when being pulled into a Pensieve, and there in front of him was the Blue Mosque of Istanbul, in all its glory.
“See?” Sirius was beside him. “Come on, Moony. I’ll show you around.”
For the next hour they walked through the mosque, Remus’s eyes wide with fascination as he took in the details, the sculpture, the exotic plants and the surroundings of a place he had never been. He pretended not to notice where corridors died off, where the magic ended and they couldn’t go. He knew it was only an illusion, but it was a beautiful one.
When Remus had seen enough they came out of the globe and back into the everdayness of Sirius’s flat. They sat for long moments, Remus’s head on Sirius’s shoulder and his hand twined with Sirius’s. “Thank you,” he said simply, overwhelmed.
Sirius took the globe, turning it over in his hands. “I know the Ministry won’t let you out of England any time soon,” he said gruffly. “And so I figured if I you can’t go to see the world, I’ll bring the world to you.”
Remus’s vision blurred. “Thank you, Padfoot.”
Sirius wrapped his arm around him. “You’re welcome. I missed you, Moony.”
Remus smiled into his shoulder. “I missed you too. Welcome home.”
***
“That’s the Potters’ owl, isn’t it?” Damien asked curiously at breakfast on Sunday morning.
“Yeah.” Sirius took the letter and gave the owl some crumbs from his bread. “It’s not like James to write, especially since I’ve only been gone for two…” His heart leapt up to his throat and his voice dried up.
“Sirius?”
Padfoot-
Whatever you do, do NOT let Mr. Lupin see this letter. He’ll find out about it when he gets back.
I wasn’t sure whether to write you or not. Moony said not to, but Wormtail and I both think you should know. Moony and Lily were attacked by Death Eaters the other night. They’re okay- they got away and everything- but Wormtail says they used Crucio on Moony and maybe on Lily, too. Sounds like they were young or weak- Moony says they tried to AK him but it didn’t work. They were both pretty healed up by the time I got there.
I know there’s nothing you can do, but Wormtail and I both thought that if we were the ones away, we’d want you to tell us, so… so yeah. They’re okay, and we hope you are too.
Take care, Padfoot.
-Prongs
Sirius folded the letter hastily, shoving it in his pocket. They were all right. Remus was all right, James had said so. And yet… he wouldn’t feel right until he saw Remus face to face.
***
That night Sirius finally inked a number on his forearm. He knew instinctively what number to use: 110974. Remus’s number. Damien had made a face when he saw it.
“At least we know it’s a number in use,” Sirius had pointed out. “No one will recognize it as being false.”
“I suppose I should just be grateful you didn’t use 24601 or something like that.”
“Very funny.” Sirius sorted through his clothing and pulled on an old pair of jeans, using a controlled severing charm to rip a few strategic holes in the knees and then to fray his shirt cuffs. “Kimberton has never seen you or Remus before, right?”
“Right,” Damien confirmed, pulling the hood of his cloak up. “Alice, Christine, Lichtenstein, and Stern have got us covered from the outside. Are you ready?”
“’Course.” Sirius checked again for his wand and then snickered. “Bet you’d never thought your kid would look anything like me.”
Damien snorted and to Sirius’s complete surprise, reached out and ruffled his hair. “Come on, then,” he said. “Let’s go.”
***
They stepped into the Night Creatures' Den. It was exactly what one would think: a smoke-clogged bar with dim lights, dingy corners and surly service. Sirius tried to think how Remus would enter a place like that and finally decided to enter it like he would any other bar. Beside him, huddled in his cloak, Damien hunched his shoulders and adopted an "I don't have a right to exist" look that Sirius recognized from the same source of inspiration. He pursed his lips and pushed that thought from his mind.
"He's not here," Sirius murmured to Damien as they found a corner table and sat down.
"Check the back room. Get up and get us a drink," Damien ordered.
The clientele of the Night Creatures' Den was rather monochromatic, Sirius noticed. A lot of browns and shabby faded blues, but gray dominated. Gray in clothing, in robes, in faces, in eyes. Signs of poverty and destitution were clear. Clothing had been patched, stained, recovered. The liquor was cheap, and the food that went by was greasy enough to turn even Sirius's stomach.
He scanned the faces quickly. Kimberton, a blonde bloke with a pale face and eyes, should stand out easily in Turkey. It wasn’t quite as easy as he would have imagined, but Sirius didn’t see anyone that looked like the pictures he’d seen.
He didn’t want to admit it, but being in the bar sent shivers down his spine. There was a low-key malevolence in the air that was almost tangible. Bitterness, hatred, bloodlust, and anger swirled red on the edges of vision. Sirius shivered and made his way back to Damien, carrying two glasses of cheap nettle wine. Damien was huddled over the table, shivering in his cloak.
“Are you all right?” Sirius asked.
Damien’s eyes reminded Sirius too much of Remus when he looked up. “Yes. I think so.” He sipped the wine that Sirius held out for him. Sirius settled down and waited, shifting uncomfortably, but Damien didn’t seem inclined to speak. He leaned back and watched the doorway.
“Damien,” he hissed, fifteen minutes later. “He’s here.”
For a fugitive from British magical law, Kimberton entered the pub with a surprising amount of nonchalance and confidence. “Give him a minute,” Damien said. “Or see if he notices us first.”
Kimberton stopped at the bar and exchanged a few words with the bartender. The bartender pointed to their table, and Kimberton turned to look. Sirius felt his stomach knot in anticipation, and it was all he could do to appear calm and uninterested in the pair at the bar. He took a drink of the wine and an intense, relaxing sensation swept through him. Good stuff, this Turkish wine. It had a very different taste than what he was used to.
The bartender slid a drink across the counter. Kimberton took it and laughed at whatever the man said, and then walked straight over to their table.
“May I join you?”
Sirius glanced at Damien, who shrugged. “All right,” Damien said in a hoarse, harsh whisper that Sirius had never heard him use.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you gents here before.” Kimberton accioed a chair to him and sat down. “You don’t look like you’re from around here.”
“We’re not,” Sirius, master of excuses and fake alibis agreed. “Came out this way on business.”
“What sort of business do you have?” Kimberton asked interestedly.
“A few knick-knacks that we want to be selling. Preferably far away from England and somewhere there’s a market for them.”
“Ah. I see.” Kimberton leaned back, watching them with interest. Sirius smirked to himself smugly. Hook, line, and sinker. “Found buyers yet?”
“A few, yeah.” Sirius grinned, playing the innocent black market profiteer for all he was worth, the words coming easily. “Might be nice to get a higher price than Alphard and Arden’s is offering, but we gotta take what we can get.”
“Alphard and Arden’s? I’m not familiar with that particular store.”
Damien shot Sirius a look of annoyance. “Alphard Anardan. He’s a dealer in Ahlat.”
“Oh.” Kimberton seemed to accept this. “I’m Tom, by the way. Tom Kimberton.” He reached forward, and Sirius took his hand, deliberately letting his robe fall away to reveal a part of the number.
“Romulus,” he said.
Damien kicked him under the table, but accepted Kimberton’s hand in turn. “Colin. What do you do, Tom?”
“I’m something of a salesman myself,” Kimberton answered pleasantly. “I like to think of myself as a salesman of opportunity.”
“Opportunity?” Damien asked.
“Well, yes. You see, in this bar all around you are people- yes, I did say people- who are disenfranchised by the society they should belong to. They’re stuck in between worlds. They’re magical, so they can’t fit in the Muggle world,” Kimberton spat on the floor, as if the word ‘Muggle’ was a curse, “and yet they’re all people who are ostracized from wizarding society in some way. They’re forbidden contact with the world that might accept them by the world that rules them. Very frustrating.”
“You’re preaching to the choir,” Sirius said, leaning in with interest.
“I know. And that’s why I’m interested in talking to you. You see, it’s very frustrating for people like this… people like you. People who have been cast out from the society that should not only protect them, but damn it, should respect them for all that they’ve done and endured. It’s not easy to endure a transformation or to be compelled to drink blood for sustenance.”
“No,” Sirius agreed, warming up to the topic. Under the table, Damien kicked him again, and Sirius drew back.
“Right.” Kimberton gestured vaguely with his glass. “So that’s why I have a proposition for you.”
“A proposition?” Sirius asked. The alarm bells started ringing. Too easy. This had been way too easy. But the warning was buried under a stronger sense of lassitude.
“Of course.” Kimberton tilted his chair back. “You, the scorned, the hated, the despised, can be far more than that. I know people, you know.”
“People,” Damien said dryly. “What people do you know?”
“People who know people,” Kimberton said with a sly smile. “People that the disinherited, disowned son of a pureblood family and the father of a werewolf might be very interested in knowing, if they wanted to change things.”
Sirius froze. Or rather, he wanted to freeze, but he found himself picking up his glass of wine again. “What makes you think I’m the father of a werewolf?” he said glibly. “I’m a little young for that.”
Kimberton laughed, but Damien put a hand on Sirius’s arm. “You’ve had enough tonight, I think,” he said.
“What? This is only my first-“
“You’ve had enough.”
“Let the boy drink,” Kimberton said as he gestured grandly, but his eyes were hard and cold. “You never know what tomorrow will bring. So tell me, Sirius,” he said, stressing the name. “Haven’t you felt it was unfair, the way you were disinherited?”
“Well-“
“Don’t you wish there was a way you could show them, a way you could get revenge? A way that…” he trailed off, staring down Damien’s wand. “What? I was just talking.”
“Just talking my ass,” Damien said. Sirius noticed he was slurring his words, and struggled to get a grip on himself. Everything was too lucid. Too easy. Too… too. He fumbled for his wand, and then looked up to find himself staring down an ebony length.
“I wouldn’t, if I were you, Black,” Kimberton said. “There’s about ten patrons in this bar who are quite loyal to me and my cause.”
Sirius swayed, blinked, and pulled out his wand. “Incarcerous,” he said, ropes shooting out of his wand. Kimberton dodged easily, and the pub burst in a frenzy of hexes. The door blew open, and Alice, Christine, Lichtenstein and Stern rushed in as well.
It was a haze; nothing like that first time when everything was clear and sharp and simple. Sirius struggled against the murky fuzziness that threatened to cloud him and pull him under. But he must be doing something right. He saw his own wand flashing, bright red lights hitting opponents that rose up and came into view.
Something hit him, something sharp and painful that felt like shards of glass shooting up his arm. It shocked him out of that glib lethargy, bringing back his full awareness with a burning shock. He had a moment to be grateful and then he was wrapped up in the battle, Damien against his shoulder as they both fired hexes and curses at the onslaught.
He began to realize he was moving; running and dodging. Not all of the bar’s patrons were involved; some had fled and others had moved back along the walls, watching and weighing the outcome. Across the room he was aware of Alice shouting, her wand flashing bright with hexes fired off even faster than his own.
Kimberton. They had to get to Kimberton.
He heard a woman scream and spun around just in time to see Christine slump to the ground. “Stern!” Sirius shouted, spotting the werewolf near her. “Help her!”
Stern didn’t appear to have heard him. Instead, he came running towards Sirius, wand drawn.
There was no maniacal smile on his face, no evil laughter. In fact, later Sirius registered that his eyes had seemed conflicted. But his wand was drawn and the intent was clear, and it was only because Sirius had had Snivellus and years of feuding between them that he was quick enough to fire off the Impedimenta jinx. Across the room Damien shouted his name, and Sirius jumped over the body and rounded a table.
“Quick,” Damien panted, and Sirius noted that Kimberton was lying on the floor in front of him. “Go get Christine.”
“Mobilicorpus,” Sirius muttered, and Christine came floating towards them. Eerie to see that. Damien was working with something small, whispering some sort of enchantment, and then grabbed Kimberton’s hand..
“We got everyone? Alice? Good. Shit. Stupefy! Hands on- Sirius, make sure you’ve got Christine’s hand on as well, and three, two, one-“
Sirius touched the quill Damien was holding out, and felt the familiar jerking sensation of a portkey pulling him back to England.
***
Remus sat with James, Peter, Lily and Frank in the Dragon Rider pub, uncomfortable and on edge. Two nights to full moon, and to his surprise it still hung heavy in his mind. He’d thought it might not. What was a transformation after surviving the Cruciatus curse? But then, it had never really been about the pain.
“Remus?” Lily said, startling him out of his own dark thoughts. “Want a round of snooker?”
“Sounds good,” he said, joining her. As they walked back to the snooker room, he was acutely aware of Lily’s arm against his. “How are you holding up?” he asked, as she waved her wand and the balls flew into formation.
“All right,” Lily answered. “You?”
“Been worse, I suppose. Looks like you got healed up pretty well.”
“Yeah, you too.”
He felt like he was back in seventh year, right when Lily had finally agreed to date James and he, Sirius, and Peter had been threatened with a variety of hexes normally reserved for Slytherins in order to ensure good behavior. Nothing in common then, too much in common now. He gestured for her to break.
“Nice shot.”
“Thanks.” She missed the next one, and scratched her nose against the cue. “Full moon in a few days.”
“I know. I’m hoping Sirius will be back then.”
“If he’s not?”
“I’m thinking I might go to my parents’ place. I’m a little worried this time.”
Lily nodded. Unlike the others, she didn’t try to talk him out of it. She just accepted he knew what was best. He focused on the game.
“Sorry I’m not myself,” Lily said abruptly, after three rounds passed in near-silence. “I just started on the rag.”
Remus felt himself collapsing against the cue as he absorbed the meaning of Lily’s words- and their significance. Her green eyes flashed at him, and he knew it was part of his promise not to acknowledge that there was any reason to be worried. "That time of the month, hey?” he asked, forcing a smile into his voice. “Didn’t some Muggle scientist do some study where girls get into sync or something?”
“The McClintlock effect. Yeah. Are you saying you’re pulling me in line?”
“Something like that,” Remus teased.
Lily snickered. “Right then.” She shot the last ball in. “Two out of three, loser buys drinks?”
“You’re on.”
They kept up a steady stream of banter through the games, the levity hiding that broken fibers within them that would need help to heal, but not from each other. Through the entrance to the next room, Remus could see James sitting with Peter and Frank, laughing at something Frank was saying. He envied Lily, being able to go home tonight with someone who didn’t have to listen to understand and want to protect her. He envied her, too, to have James’s attention so focused on her. He snorted to himself. Being jealous of a friend’s fiancée was a low he didn’t want to sink to.
“You owe me a drink,” he told Lily shamelessly as he made his final shot. It was the least she could do.
Then he saw Frank jump up, and all his bitterness drained away as he saw Alice and Sirius enter the pub. Frank scooped Alice up in his arms, spinning her around and kissing her soundly in a show of affection that was almost embarrassing.
By comparison, Sirius’s entrance was quiet. He went over to James and Peter, exchanging clasped hands and brief hugs. Remus waited in the snooker room as Lily went out to greet him, just watching him.
Sirius looked tired. His clothes were rumpled and travel-stained, and his hair was lank. There were deep circles under his eyes, and a mostly-healed cut on his temple. But when he crossed the pub his steps were quick, and his eyes were bright as he enveloped Remus in an embrace tight enough to crack his ribs.
“You’re all right, then?” Sirius asked anxiously as he released him. “You don’t look any different.”
“I’m fine, Sirius,” Remus said, his smile not quite genuine and for once relieved that someone would see straight through it. “Come on. Let’s go bug the others and hear all your adventures in Turkey.”
“I brought you back something,” Sirius sing-songed as they made their way back over to where the others were sitting. “I’ll give it to you when you come over tonight.”
“You think I’m coming over tonight?” Remus asked, feeling like everything in the world had suddenly righted just because the four of them were back together again and Sirius was at his side.
“I know you are.”
“Smug egotist.”
“You’d better believe it.”
They smiled at each other like nothing had happened at all.
***
They laid in bed later that night, wrapped around each other with the echoes of the evening still lingering in their ears. Sirius’s hand traced slowly down Remus’s spine. When he’d gotten James’s owl about the attack, he’d envisioned Remus much as he was after transformations; bleeding and physically weak. It had been a shock to see Remus at the Dragon Rider Pub, on his feet and casually playing snooker with Lily, even if it had made sense.
The sex tonight had surprised him too. Sirius had rather thought tonight would be gentle and hesitant, like the first time, but as soon as the door had closed behind them they were on each other, hot and hard and absolutely desperate. There had been a moment when he’d pulled back, worried that this was too much, but Remus had tugged him back in, demanding and consuming. A trail of clothing marked their progress across the flat, and they’d never had a chance of making it to the bed. Not until they collapsed into it, spent and gasping and laughing at their own intensity.
“Well, we did make it to the bedroom,” Remus pointed out, his words muffled against Sirius’s shoulder. “Barely, if against the doorjamb counts.”
“And whose fault is that?” Sirius demanded. “Honestly, Moony. Ever heard of the Pushy Bottom Society?”
“Our motto is ‘Fuck me hard, fuck me now’,” Remus quipped.
“I’m thinking you’re a card carrying member.”
“Don’t have a card.”
“You will.” Sirius resolved to write one out the next morning. “Are you okay though?”
Remus nestled down, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders. “Fine, Pads. We’ve got the hang of it now, I think.”
Sirius snorted. “That’s not what I meant. I meant… the Crucio and everything.”
“Yeah,” Remus said softly. “Tell me more about Turkey,” he insisted when the silence grew to heavy.
Sirius told him about the mission, about how they’d left Lichtenstein dead on the floor of a pub and Stern had gotten away, and Christine Kinns would be in St. Mungo’s for two weeks at least. He told him about the snippets of information they’d picked up, and stories of things that had happened along the way. He didn’t tell Remus about the fact that Stern was a werewolf, or that Alice and Christine hadn’t trusted him.
“That’s not what I wanted to hear about,” Remus said when Sirius had finished. “Tell me about Turkey. What was it like?”
“Oh!” Sirius sat up, remembering. “I did get you something.”
Remus laughed as Sirius scurried out of bed and rooted through his bag. “You didn’t have to.”
“I know. But this was perfect,” Sirius said, holding the small package out to Remus.
“What is it?” Remus asked, unwrapping it as eagerly as a child. It was a small dome made of Muggle plastic, with a badly sculpted mosque inside, under water. When Remus shook it, glitter swarmed around the mosque. “A Muggle snow globe?” he laughed. “Sirius, this is priceless. Really.”
“No. Look closer,” Sirius insisted.
Remus did, bending over until his forehead nearly touched the globe. Without warning he felt that sucking sensation one felt when being pulled into a Pensieve, and there in front of him was the Blue Mosque of Istanbul, in all its glory.
“See?” Sirius was beside him. “Come on, Moony. I’ll show you around.”
For the next hour they walked through the mosque, Remus’s eyes wide with fascination as he took in the details, the sculpture, the exotic plants and the surroundings of a place he had never been. He pretended not to notice where corridors died off, where the magic ended and they couldn’t go. He knew it was only an illusion, but it was a beautiful one.
When Remus had seen enough they came out of the globe and back into the everdayness of Sirius’s flat. They sat for long moments, Remus’s head on Sirius’s shoulder and his hand twined with Sirius’s. “Thank you,” he said simply, overwhelmed.
Sirius took the globe, turning it over in his hands. “I know the Ministry won’t let you out of England any time soon,” he said gruffly. “And so I figured if I you can’t go to see the world, I’ll bring the world to you.”
Remus’s vision blurred. “Thank you, Padfoot.”
Sirius wrapped his arm around him. “You’re welcome. I missed you, Moony.”
Remus smiled into his shoulder. “I missed you too. Welcome home.”
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Date: 2005-03-03 09:17 am (UTC)I love this series, so well-written and realistic. I was just thinking I wanted something long to read and then I find the lastest chapter of this!
How far are you planning on taking it? Halloween 1981, or earlier?
Woo! Sorry, crap at reviews, but I like this a lot.
kxx
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Date: 2005-03-03 06:14 pm (UTC)I'm planning on taking this up to Halloween 1981, but I'm also planning on putting on an epilogue where they see each other again. I've been given a post-Azkaban assignment for a one-shot exchange. If I can make it stand-alone enough, I might use that. But I want it to end on a somewhat happy note, because that's what I love about their relationship- it OVERCOMES.
Plus, 1981 is just too depressing a place to stop!
Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2005-03-03 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-03 12:24 pm (UTC)I think I must friend you so that I will know as soon as the next chapter is up.
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Date: 2005-03-03 06:18 pm (UTC)If you're still looking for more reading, I have two prequels to it as well. One is called Deny Thy Father, and is the story of Sirius running away from home. Six chapters, no slash (obviously, since it's the prequel to this). The other is called Mentors, and is a long one-shot about the relationship between Remus and Alphard. There's slash-related issues in that they both talk about being gay, but there's no sex at all- it's exactly what the title says. They can both be found here (http://www.thedarkarts.org/authorLinks/LupinsLittleSister/). They explain a lot more about Damien and Marilyn, and about Alphard. (Sirius running away from home is exactly what JKR said- he got fed up with his family's attitude and left.)
Thanks again!
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Date: 2005-03-04 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-03 02:44 pm (UTC)And then I couldn't wait and I'm glad of it! I can feel the very tiny elements that are going to make it fester. Sirius discovering that werewolves can be traitors. Tina not joining the order and Peter dating only purebloods. Death Eaters knowing everything about Lily and about Remus. And Dumbledore considering it a good thing that there wasn't anymore loss. But all of this sounds true to what few Rowling hinted at... And strangely, it makes it easier for me to accept (and read!) the unavoidable...
And I loved this part. The end is gorgeous. What a great present Sirius gave to Remus! And I love how you manage to make of Remus a strong character without taking any strength off Sirius.
I can't wait for the next part, whatever hard it's going to be!
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Date: 2005-03-03 06:23 pm (UTC)Heh. I know the feeling. Sometimes it really, really hurts to look at my icon, especially as I get closer to the end. If it helps, I don't plan to have either of them cheat (if James and Lily had to hide from their best friends, they weren't going out for casual sex!), and they'll never hit anything really really bad.
But it's still gonna hurt. But blame JKR for that! :) (And I do plan to put on an epligoue where they see each other again, because I totally agree with you.)
And I loved this part. The end is gorgeous. What a great present Sirius gave to Remus! And I love how you manage to make of Remus a strong character without taking any strength off Sirius.
Thank you VERY much for that comment! One of the traps I have to watch myself to make sure I don't fall into is Remus being "protected" by Sirius. Sirius IS a very protective person, I think, but as we see in the books, Remus does pretty darn well for himself when it comes to taking care of himself. That's one of the things that's really important to me as far as Remus, is that he comes acorss as a very strong person- even if he's not as controlled and emotionally closed off as he is as a professor.
Thanks!
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Date: 2005-03-03 06:11 pm (UTC)I do have to admit that the rape left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because I can't handle it, rape is an unfortunate fact of life, but I don't know, I've seen/read it all before (sorry, it's just me). It was nice (oh, god, wrong word I know) that their attack wasn't played out in an over the top way, you kept it rooted in reality, they weren't dragged to some Dark Revel and tortured for LV's pleasure, or something goofy. It was scary in a way that something like this can happen to anyone, yet reading the fic, we know that their attack was only a minor compared to what else is in store for the wizarding world.
Despite my misgivings about Lily's rape, I'm anticipating to see how Remus deals with everything in upcoming chapters.
Sorry for the rambling; I'm not sure if any of that made sense. I can't wait to read more of this.
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Date: 2005-03-03 06:41 pm (UTC)I was debating about the rape too, but the truth is well, two truths:
1.) There's now a very complicated dynamic of protectiveness and awkwardness between Lily and Remus, and an invisible wall from Remus's side between him and James. I needed that. It also touches Remus very deeply on a personal level, and for what he has coming he needs that. Of the Marauders, I really am amazed at Remus's ability not to turn to Lord Voldemort if the whole werewolf-rights thing is accurate (and I think that's a fanon assumption with a solid foundation in truth). When the world he's fighting to protect treats him worse than the world he's fighting against does... it makes you wonder just what keeps him on this side. I think he had to have seen a lot of the horrors that Voldemort's followers were capable of.
2.) Sadly, I think that's exactly what would have happened in this situation.
I know what you mean about the seen/read it all before, because rape IS a common theme in the HP fanfiction, and so often it's written as you said- some Dark Revel and torture for Voldie's pleasure or whatever. Or even worse, it happens and the survivor falls in love with a.) their rapist or b.) the person who rescues them. Ugh.
The other thing is that I've written a LOT of fiction from the survivor's point of view. I did a HUGE cowrite with a friend in Pern fandom, and then we tried to adapt that story for Earth, which ended up being an entirely different project. It's a theme I've thought a lot about and am very comfortable writing about, and I kind of wanted to explore a different angle this time: the friend of a survivor who doesn't know what to do. And that had to be Remus, because Sirius is too direct of a character to make the mistakes I want Remus to make.
Anyway, that's what's going through my head :)
Thanks- and I'm glad you're enjoying it! (Which is a really wierd sentence to type right there, but....)
And now, I suppose I should stop procrastinating...
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Date: 2005-03-03 07:46 pm (UTC)Oh, and I saw your explanation for breaking a church. Sorry I didn't read all the comments first. *thwaps*
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Date: 2005-03-03 08:21 pm (UTC)Wow. What a phenomenally intense chapter. I knew what was coming because of your owl (and it was totally within acceptable bounds, not an issue in the slightest), although I didn't know who it would happen to or when, but ... God. I was tense the whole time, and the aftermath scene was incredibly done. What Lily did, what she said and her promise with Remus... this touches on one of my absolute worst fears EVER, and how she handled it both broke my heart and strengthened it.
Thanks :) I was worried about this scene a bit.
I've been thinking that Lily has got to be one of the biggest heroes of the HP novels. From the little we know of her, she seems like she's an incredibly strong woman.
One thing confused me. When Remus and Sirius have their argument, Remus throws out:
"Oh yes. An exciting, thrilling excitement translating a bunch of musty old scrolls Dumbledore's dug up from some pit while you, Frank's fiancée, my father, and some other bint go gallivanting off across Turkey."
But then, in the next scene, Sirius reveals:
"I'm leaving tomorrow to go after him. I'll be gone for at least two weeks, maybe more." Remus was silent, waiting. "Your dad, Alice, Christine Kinns and me. We're going to Turkey."
Why is Sirius treating this like new information (and Remus is reacting that way as well) when Remus obviously already knew this, as indicated above? And how did Remus already know, since the person Sirius told was James?
Because Lissa doesn't use a beta like she should, and the first one got missed ;)
I know I should use a beta, but
1.) I write hellishly long pieces.
2.) I'm lazy like that. I write for the pleasure of writing, and admittedly don't put enough effort into my editing for fanfic.
But I really, really appreciate it when people do point out the inconsistencies! Thanks!
Oh, one other question. Damien tells Sirius:
"I suppose I should just be grateful you didn't use 24601 or something like that."
Is there some significance to the number? Or is he only referring to the fact that Sirius didn't make up a number that could be traced as fake?
That's me being silly. 24601 is Jean Valjean's number in Les Mis. But he's also referring to the fact Sirius didn't make up a number that was obviously fake, as 110974 is a 6-digit number, like all the i.d. numbers in my world.
Okay, enough with the questions.
How are the Death Eaters finding them and identifying them? I also liked the points being made about werewolves, how just because Remus is a good person doesn't mean they all are, and the difficulties in balancing unfair prejudice and blanket acceptance where it might not be prudent. I also like the complicated dance between Sirius and Damien, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens if/when S/R tell James (and Peter).
Hehe. I know how they knew. Do you want to know? (I'm not sure it's a point that will make it into the story for sure, but it's very plausible regardless. It also has to do with why the AK didn't work.)
I wonder why Peter only dates pureblood girls? I'm still very interested in watching how you convey him, and his future slide.
Is this rhetorical? :) I know the answer, but... ;)
Btw, I thought Turkey was one of the most progressive Middle Eastern nations, in its attitude about women. Is that just a relative thing (compared to other Islamic nations)? Or a recent thing?
Turkey IS more progressive, from what I understand, although it's still not quite where England is- especially back in the 70's. I had a Turkish professor in grad school, and found that he was mildly sexist- very much what Alice is seeing, where they don't REALLY listen to her, but it's not oppressive. But the WW doesn't seem all that sexist overall, and Alice is also a pureblood. This is her first experience with any sort of real restraint or discrimination, and she's not reacting well to it. Hehheh.
Ok, enough rambling. Fabulous chapter, totally engrossing, and completely addictive, as always. Not to be greedy, but "Please, sir, may I have some more?"
Thanks! :)
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Date: 2005-03-03 09:05 pm (UTC)1.) I write hellishly long pieces.
2.) I'm lazy like that. I write for the pleasure of writing, and admittedly don't put enough effort into my editing for fanfic.
Not that I want to take away your pleasure in writing, but if you ever want someone to look your stuff over, I volunteer. Your writing is solid enough, it wouldn't actually be much work. I usually only spot a handful of small typos (which I notice because I'm picky like that, but are obviously well within FA's 'it doesn't have to be perfect' policy). And, you know, the Turkey thing. *g*
Re: Death Eaters. If it's not something that will be otherwise revealed in your story, yes, I want to know how Death Eaters are identifying them (and failing to AK them). Incidentally - as part of the Prophecy in OotP, it was mentioned that James and Lily escaped three times. Are you counting this as Escape #1?
Re: Peter dating purebloods. I'm assuming this *is* going to come out, eventually?
I tend to ask lots of questions when I review, as things come to mind, but I'm okay with not having them all answered if they're spoilerish, if you want to keep secrets, or if they will be revealed later. So feel free to dangle things in front of my nose and go "Wouldn't you like to know?" if it suits you. ;)
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Date: 2005-03-03 09:41 pm (UTC)assbases, because your work really is fab, all by itself.*slinks off*
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Date: 2005-03-03 10:44 pm (UTC)Re: Death Eaters. If it's not something that will be otherwise revealed in your story, yes, I want to know how Death Eaters are identifying them (and failing to AK them). Incidentally - as part of the Prophecy in OotP, it was mentioned that James and Lily escaped three times. Are you counting this as Escape #1?
The Death Eaters here were people that MWPP went to school with. They were recently graduated, knew about Lily being Muggle-born and engaged to James, and have been told about Remus by a few of the older members... and Snape, who may or may not have been with them. They're basically Death Eater punks at the moment; out for a "good time", but not out to kill. (So I'm not counting it as escape #1) They're people who didn't like MWPP in school (Snape was probably not the only one they tormented!), and out to bring them down a peg.
The Death Eater that tried to AK Remus was very young. If I hadn't made Regulus as young as I did, it would have been Regulus. In GoF, the fake Moody tells us that AK is something that requires a powerful bit of magic behind it. This DE can't get quite enough magic; partly because of his inexperience, and partly because this is his "first time out" so to speak, and he is feeling not-so-sure about what he's doing. Pangs of conscience probably interfere pretty badly with AK! However, if Snape WAS with them for this, it was not Snape. Remus would not have made it out alive if that was Snape!
Peter dating purebloods is going to come out- next part, actually. It's actually an attitude we've seen before in my world and isn't that dramatic, but I think it makes sense.
So feel free to dangle things in front of my nose and go "Wouldn't you like to know?" if it suits you. ;)
Heheh. 9 times out of 10, I do know the answer to your questions, and it's coming. But I also appreciate that 1 time out of 10 that I don't, because maybe I should!!!!
BTW- do you mind if I friend you? :)
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Date: 2005-03-03 11:30 pm (UTC)And thanks for the various answers!
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Date: 2005-03-03 09:01 pm (UTC)Lily could have got injured without being raped. I don't understand why you've chosen to make Lily pass through such a horrible experience. It was her first time! She was saving herself for James. Have you had a bad day or something?
What about " rag" I don't know the word. What does it mean? The rest was wonderful, as always. I liked the interaction between Frank and Remus. I am not so fond of Alice after this chapter. I think she is slowly turning Sirius against Remus.
This chapter was sad also because I felt that Sirius is moving without Remus somehow. Remus is denied so many things, that you can just imagine a time when Sirius will have to move forward and leave Remus behind.
I have only a request: Please take your time and not rush things up! I don't want to get too quickly at the part where the pups starts suspecting each other. There can be a few other chapters where they make love and have fun, and fight together against the darkness.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-03 10:54 pm (UTC)Lily could have got injured without being raped. I don't understand why you've chosen to make Lily pass through such a horrible experience. It was her first time! She was saving herself for James. Have you had a bad day or something?
You are right that the DE raped Lily. Could she have gotten injured instead? Sure. Was it cruel? Yup. Am I sorry? Mostly.
So why did I do it?
I explained a lot of it in my comment to
Lily isn't human to these guys. They simply don't see her that way. She is far less than them, and not someone- or even something- worthy of respect. If you read Holocaust history (I'm basing a lot of my DE behavior on SS behavior), rape was something very common. So, I made it common here.
It IS necessary to the story I'm telling. How this incident affects Remus- and this is something very powerful in his life- makes a difference in some of the decisions he makes later in the story.
So, not nice, no. But it was where I decided to go.
What about " rag" I don't know the word. What does it mean?
"On the rag" is a (probably American- bad me) idiom for having your period. Basically, Lily was telling Remus that she hadn't gotten pregnant from the rape, which was why Remus was so relieved.
I am not so fond of Alice after this chapter. I think she is slowly turning Sirius against Remus.
She is and she isn't. She's not doing it intentionally. As Remus observed, Alice at least TRIES, which is more than most of the wizarding world can say. But she's got points, and Stern proved it. Just because Remus is trustworthy doesn't mean all werewolves are- especially when they're fighting against a world that scorns them.
This chapter was sad also because I felt that Sirius is moving without Remus somehow. Remus is denied so many things, that you can just imagine a time when Sirius will have to move forward and leave Remus behind.
Sadly, I totally agree with you :)
have only a request: Please take your time and not rush things up!
Heh. Well, it took me a month to write this chapter, although I'm hoping this one will have taken the longest. I THINK it was the hardest, but I'm not sure. But the story goes the way the story goes! :)
Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2005-03-03 11:56 pm (UTC)*bittersweet*
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Date: 2005-03-04 02:54 am (UTC)I will openly admit to the fact that I've spent the past few days compulsively checking on my favorite storylines to see if they've updated in the ten minutes since I last checked. You officially made my day.
Now for much belated praise which I owe you. I was pointed in the direction of your writing a few months back, just before you wrote 'Mentors,' I think. I've been hooked since. You have a writing style that I find appealing and rather riveting, and you flesh out the characters wonderfully. I have lots more to say, but somehow, whenever I try and write praises for people I feel like I never do them proper justice. Looking forward to the next chapter! ^_^
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Date: 2005-03-04 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 03:56 am (UTC)One of my favorite parts was the action scenes-- you write the fights very well and realistically. And the end, when Sirius tells Remus he'll bring the world to him, and Remus's vision blurs-- my heart swelled a bit and I can't wait for when they both realize how madly in love with each other they are. And Sirius's hesitancy over telling James the truth about his sexuality, and about his relationship with Remus-- I'm in a state of perpetual suspense! *g*
Having said how much I adore this, I must also confess that I really hated how you handled Lily being raped. But let me explain-- you see, a few years ago my very best friend was raped. I was the first person she told, and I helped her with the healing process. I know you want Lily to overcome and not let the evil DEs ruin her life, but her reaction is not necessarily one of strength. Yes, she cried, and yes, Remus knows about it, but I can tell you right now that it is not healthy to keep information like that from a partner. She and James are going to get married, and rape will have very serious repercussions-- for both of them, but Lily especially. Women who are raped-- perhaps especially women who were virgins, as my friend and Lily had been-- experience psychological (and sometimes physical) distress over sex in the future. Lily would need to tell James so he could help her overcome that. I understand you want Lily to be a strong character (I think we know enough about her in canon to venture that she is one of the strongest) but needing to talk about rape and needing others' help in the healing process isn't a sign of weakness. I think it's important that people understand that, and here you have portrayed the rape as something Lily is keeping quiet because she is putting up a brave front. But I think every doctor/psychologist/victim familiar with rape would know that this isn't healthy and would almost certainly cause the victim further distress. I hope you show Lily telling James what really happened in a future chapter.
See here, where the frontal love is fused to the rest of the brain?
I just thought I'd point out that this shold be lobe.
I hope you haven't taken offense to any of my comments; believe me, I understand why rape is such a very sensitive issue, having been a witness to the pain it causes. I'm glad you had Lily raped (cruel, I know) because it needed to be done to show how brutal this war is. Having studied the Holocaust extensively myself (have you been to the museums in Florida and D.C.? They're very intense and definitely deserve a visit) I understand the parallels you're drawing and I think it's very realistic. My only issue is how you had Lily respond to it, as I feel it shows a false perception of "strength." But this is my opinion, and I obviously have a lot of respect for your writing, so please don't be offended!
Looking forward to the next chapter, as always.
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Date: 2005-03-04 04:26 am (UTC)Having said how much I adore this, I must also confess that I really hated how you handled Lily being raped. But let me explain-- you see, a few years ago my very best friend was raped. I was the first person she told, and I helped her with the healing process. I know you want Lily to overcome and not let the evil DEs ruin her life, but her reaction is not necessarily one of strength.
First, I do agree with your point fully. Rape isn't something people get over easily and it's something that SHOULD be handled between her and James. I agree... the question is, does Remus?
Throughout the canon version of the books, I always have the impression that Remus's version of strength is being able to get by on your own, without anyone. Not being percieved as a burden. Not needing anyone. Being able to deal with your problems by yourself. It's certainly the code he seems to hold himself to. But it's a flaw with him, and it leads to him closing himself off to those who might love him, like Harry and the Weasleys.
Lily is doing exactly what Remus would like to think he would do. She's taking a deep breath and saying she's putting it behind her, and practically denying it would happen. Very characteristic behavior for our favorite closet-case werewolf. Remus respects Lily for bottling it up, for ignoring it, and for pretending it didn't happen. But it's going to come back and bite him hard, especially in his relationship with James.
There's another thing I'm trying to do with this scenario isn't obvious now, but will be (I hope!). I want to show that Remus DOESN'T know how to handle it, because I think that's how most people who have a friend who is a rape survivor feel. Lord knows that's how I feel- two of the most important people in my life are rape survivors, and although I've known it for years I still don't always know how to cope. So many of us find ourselves in Remus's position. We find ourselves being the one who knows and not knowing what to say. "Being strong and overcoming" is a common misconception, and was even moreso then. And given that it was the 70s and wartime, and this is Remus we're talking about, it was the reaction that made sense.
I also think that the survivors do often keep quiet and put up a brave front, because of the shame that they feel from what has happened, etc. Lily's reaction is realistic, I think, even though it is not healthy.
The one thing that bothered me about doing this is that I won't be able to (in this fic, anyway) really address much of Lily's recovery. AIL is centered around Sirius and Remus, and bringing that aspect in too much throws off where I'm going, because neither of them have that insight into Lily's mind or life. That was actually why I offered up the plot bunny for someone to take it and run with it. I KNOW I can't do it justice in this fic, but I'm hoping someone else will. Someone's already volunteered, but I don't even care if more than one person does it.
I've done the rape plot before- twice. Once in Pern fanfiction and once in regular fiction. It's a bit of a cheat because I can't show that plotline; if you don't read Pern, that one is very hard to follow, and the original one I won't show because we're hoping to eventually publish. This is a different take on a subject I've worked pretty extensively on.
So hopefully that puts your mind at ease a little! Like I said, I'm not at all offended and it isn't even I disagree with you... it's just that this event is crucial because of the mistakes Remus will make, not necessarily the things he will do right!
And I've been to the DC museum- it's amazing. Very, very pwerful!
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Date: 2005-03-04 04:38 am (UTC)Thank you so much for responding to my comment as fully as you did; I do feel much better about this now. I now understand where you're taking this-- your characterization of Remus does make sense, and I'm relieved that you understand all too well that Lily's "brave front" isn't healthy and can't last as it will ultimately undermine her strength. I'm also very interested to see how this will affect Remus and James's relationship-- I have a feeling this is going to be very explosive/intense when it comes out.
Thanks again for giving me more insight into why you handled this the way you did. I really appreciate it.
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Date: 2005-03-04 02:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-04 07:16 am (UTC)Moreover, I'm now quite intrigued by all the conversations you have sparked with the rape in this chapter (which I personally think you handled quite well). I'm working on an article for a conference and potential publication (*rolls eyes at publication frustrations*) on the way internet communties, particularly LJ, effect the format and development of (fan)fiction, particularly Remus/Sirius works. And, I think this entry is a key example of how the writing process is so unique. I'm not doing a good job explaining myself at the moment (blame it on the late hour). But, to make a long story longer, I would like to reference this in my paper (full credits given, naturally) and potentially contact you for additional information. Only if you are willing of course! I wouldn't want to be a pest. *smiles*
To return this to your work, I can't wait for more. I am left with an incredible sense of awe, sadness, and bittersweet joy from this. You have a power to your writing and give it full, glorious voice! (I adore long chapters!) Thank you so very much for sharing!
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Date: 2005-03-04 02:04 pm (UTC)I would definitely be willing to have you reference this (I'd also LOVE to read the paper!), and am certainly willing to be contacted. I think my email is in my user information, but if it's not, let me know. Is the paper for the Witching Hour, or something else?
Anyway, thanks for finding your way here!
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Date: 2005-03-06 04:51 pm (UTC)They’re okay- they got away and everything- but Wormtail says they used Crucio on Moony and maybe on Lily, too.
eep. Lily was raped, wasn't she, or am i getting entirely the wrong impression here?-- and she doesn't want Remus to tell James?
the action scene was great, not in the least cheap or unrealistic. it certainly didn't go as smoothly as Sirius' first 'battle' had gone, and i enjoyed it all the more for that. was the nettle wine poisoned/spiked with something, or was Sirius simply disoriented until he nearly got hexed?
“Sorry I’m not myself,” Lily said abruptly, after three rounds passed in near-silence. “I just started on the rag.”
if my impression was right, then Remus has... great reason to be relieved. would've been rather troublesome (not to mention traumatic) if Lily'd gotten pregnant. if both Remus and Lily are going to keep this from James in the future... it'll be interesting to see how things evolve from this.
looking forward to your next update =)
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Date: 2005-03-07 01:29 pm (UTC)Sadly, you are absolutely correct. Peter wasn't sure what had happened, and he told James that they definitely used Crucio on Remus, and Lily was really upset so maybe they used Crucio on her, too.
was the nettle wine poisoned/spiked with something, or was Sirius simply disoriented until he nearly got hexed?
Spiked. It wasn't a poison- it was sort of a relaxant. The basic idea was that Stern clued Kimberton into the fact that Damien and Sirius were after him. Kimberton was on his guard, but realized that there were things about both of them that could be exploited and used as temptation to get them to join Voldemort's side. Plus, both of them are very intense and have their dark sides, so it's not entirely implausible that someone would think that the son of the Black house (even if he is disowned) and a father that's sacrificed so much for his werewolf child would be good candidates for turning. So he drugged them. That way they stayed still long enough to listen, but their reflexes were dulled enough that if the conversation went bad, Kimberton wasn't necessarily doomed.
if my impression was right, then Remus has... great reason to be relieved. would've been rather troublesome (not to mention traumatic) if Lily'd gotten pregnant. if both Remus and Lily are going to keep this from James in the future... it'll be interesting to see how things evolve from this.
Heh. Yeah, I'm cruel, but not cruel enough to make Lily go through an abortion (because obviously Harry is James's!). No STDs for Lily, either.
I'll be interested to see how a lot of it plays out as well. One thing that I really regretted about this was that I can't show Lily's recovery and reactions. The story is focused on Sirius and Remus, and they just don't have that kind of insight into Lily's life or mind. But someone has picked up the story from Lily's pov, and I'm dying to know what all she's going to do with it! But it will definitely affect James and Remus's relationship in AIL.
Thanks for reviewing! :)
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Date: 2010-05-19 08:08 pm (UTC)I actually love Lily here, absolutely to pieces. I never gave her a ton of thought, since the focus was usually on the Marauders whenever I gave this generation much thought, but I love how you flesh her out and make her so strong. I love that she's not the damsel in distress, as Remus says.
I'm also digging the Longbottoms. They're way fun. And different than I pictured them, in a really delightful way.
Pushy Bottom Society? ;) That cracks me up, for all sorts of reasons.
It is really freaking me out how much the Death Eaters know about the Order members- Remus and Lily, AND Damien and Sirius. It gives me chills wondering how they know all that- are there spies besides Peter, since Peter hasn't switched sides yet?
Oh- I just skimmed the comments and saw you answered the Remus-Lily question, but that still leaves me freaking out how that guy knew our resident werewolf fans.
Also- it's a bit astonishing to me that anyone thinks it's unrealistic for Lily to have been raped. I can think of four women off the top of my head who are very close to me (or have been close to me at some point) who were raped, and it had nothing to do with war. This is a plot development that I believe completely, even as it breaks my heart.
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Date: 2010-05-19 08:45 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you loved Lily. I had a lot of fun with her in this, and I think this is one of those plot threads that I knew EXACTLY where it was going, but never made it there. (I can tell you at the end of what I've written if you want- just remind me.)
Pushy Bottom Society? ;) That cracks me up, for all sorts of reasons.
Hee. Now I want to write fic where Sirius and Louis commiserate about Remus and Felix. Because rereading the end of chapter 8, where Sirius tells Remus he loves him? I'm pretty sure Louis and Felix would have a similar conversation.
I'm trying to remember exactly what I had in mind. Oh! Tina knew a lot from listening to Peter, and she was a Death Eater. Regulus filled in more blanks. And I think there was something with the Werewolf Registry. I'll have to think on that.
And yeah, that was a fun anon ;)
Thanks so much!