Accidentally In Love 10, part 2

[lls_mutant]

***

The pub was a far cry from the Leaky Cauldron or the Dragon Rider. It was a mangy, grimy place with clouded glasses and cheap booze. Sirius huddled in a corner, a bottle of whiskey in front of him.

"You won't find answers at the bottom of the glass, lad," he heard Moody say, as the older Auror slid in across from him.

"Not looking for answers," Sirius said sulkily. "Trying to forget the questions. How did you find me, anyway?"

Moody signaled to the waiter for another glass, and then took the bottle from Sirius. "Tracking charm," he said casually. "You'll want to be much more careful about that. No telling who could follow you."

Sirius shrugged.

"It's been a rough week for you, hasn't it lad?"

Sirius looked up, startled. Sympathy from Moody was not something he was accustomed to. "I suppose," he admitted. "Alice…."

"She's fine," Moody said, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm more worried about you."

"The leg is fine," Sirius said. "They didn't just let me go from St. Mungo's; they all but kicked me out. I'll be back at work tomorrow."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Sirius sighed heavily. "This isn't one of those 'let's sit down and discuss feelings' type things, is it?"

Moody pinned him with blue gimlet eyes and a scowl. "Have I ever been the type to discuss feelings, Black?"

"No," Sirius admitted.

"Good. Now that we've got that codswallop out of the way, you need to be more careful. Not just of watching for tracking charms and keeping your eyes open, although you could stand to do better at that. But getting attached. Getting emotional."

"I thought you said this wasn't about feelings."

"It's not. It's about not letting yourself have feelings. That's different."

"So different," Sirius said sarcastically.

Moody rubbed his chin. "You almost weren't accepted to the Aurors, you know."

Sirius stared at him. "No," he finally said. "I didn't know."

"Mmm. Your magic is first rate, no doubt, and you're one of the more intelligent applicants we've ever had. But this," Moody tapped the table, "is why. Too emotional. Too unstable."

Sirius drew a breath in with a hiss. "I am not unstable!'

"Unpredictable, then," Moody said, unperturbed. "Sometimes I still wonder if it wasn't a mistake, but this is war, and we need every man we've got. But it was a mistake to pair you with Lupin. Told Doge that."

"Piss off," Sirius said tiredly. "I'm handling it."

"That's just it, Black, you're not. But you'd better start."

"Look, one flashback-"

"You think I'm going to believe that?" Moody said, setting his glass down. "You think I didn't see your face today when you saw that Death Eater dead?"

"Because she was killed with an Unforgivable!"

"You've seen people killed by Unforgivables before."

"Not by Aurors."

"Yeah." Moody picked the glass back up, filled it, and downed the contents in one gulp. "Well," he said, pushing his chair away from the table. "You'd better get used to it."

***

They began planning the next morning, and the first step in their plans was to tour the Imperial Palace.

For months- no, years, truly- Remus and Regulus had hated each other. Sometimes outright, sometimes cordially, but the fact was Remus thought of Regulus as Sirius's snobbish, spoiled, selfish little brother and Regulus thought of Remus as the epitome of everything his line had stood against. They'd worked together, yes, but that was out of necessity, not out of desire.

Now, here they were in the Imperial Palace, thousands of miles from Hogwarts or London, and they'd finally found common ground.

"This is the Portrait Hall," Regulus whispered reverently when they entered. Both of them stared around at the paintings, the mammoth portrait of Nicholas I, the huge chandeliers, the gilded furniture. "It's nothing like what we've seen outside, is it?" Regulus murmured.

"It's nothing like I've ever seen before." Remus gravitated over to a table holding ornate antiques. "Look at these. These must be worth a fortune."

Regulus looked over his shoulder. "At least."

"You actually sound impressed. I thought your family was rich."

Regulus snorted. "There is a difference between rich and aristocracy," he said. "Despite what my parents would have us believe. We're the first, and perhaps figuratively the second, but nothing like what the Romanovs were." He turned and inhaled deeply. "The columns," was all he said.

Remus could see why he appreciated them: giant pillars of marble framing a row of ornate crystal chandeliers.

They both knew that no reliquary of Rasputin's would be on the paths or in the rooms marked out for tourists. But they wandered through every last room regardless, taking their time to dawdle over what fascinated them most.

"It astounds me, in a way, that a tsar would create something like the Mountain Room," Remus said that afternoon, when they stopped at a restaurant for a late lunch.

"Why?" Regulus asked around a mouthful of dried herring. "Tsars have children as well. Well, had."

Remus shrugged. "You just never think of people in history having lives, you know? They're names and dates and figures and deeds, but not really people."

"On the contrary," Regulus said, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin. "That's exactly what makes history interesting. It's that these people who did these great things had lives. They had wives that they fought with over money and children who they yelled at to go to bed and they had pets and they liked Quidditch or Gobstones or art or whatever, and they went to school. When you remember that history was real people, it becomes far more attainable and incidentally far more fascinating."

"I always fell asleep in History of Magic," Remus confessed.

"It was my favorite class," Regulus said. "I was going to do the N.E.W.T. level, but…" he shrugged, but Remus saw regret etched on his face.

"Why didn't you?"

Regulus stared at him for a long moment as if he were an idiot, and suddenly Remus remembered that Regulus had started Hogwarts when they'd been in their fourth year. He'd been in the service of the Death Eaters for two years, which meant….

"Oh."

Something hard and cold in Regulus's expression thawed slightly. He propped his chin on his hand. "I got twelve O.W.L.s," he said. "That’s even more than Sirius. I was a Prefect my fifth year, and I probably would have been a candidate for Head Boy. But my father told me I'd go further in Voldemort's service."

"And here you are."

"Here I am," Regulus agreed. The words hung thick in the air between them, until finally Regulus sighed. "A glorified delivery boy and petty thief," he sighed.

Remus felt like he was walking on a tightrope, not quite sure what the right thing to say next would be. He watched, mute, as the emotions flickered across Regulus's face, bringing the resemblance between him and Sirius to the forefront. Then suddenly, he snapped out of it and balled up his paper.

"We'll have to go back to the Palace tomorrow," he said. "We never did find anything related to Rasputin."

Remus almost smacked himself in the forehead. "I totally forgot. I was just enjoying it too much."

Regulus sighed. "So was I."

***

The flat that Damien Lupin now occupied was in a building run by a wizarding landlord. Sirius had been there before. The building itself was in good condition, but the flat was extremely austere. The Lupins had been on the lower end of the middle class to begin with, and most of their possessions had been destroyed in the attack on their home. Remus had helped his father get a couch, a table and chairs, two armchairs, a bed, and a chest of drawers from used furniture dealers. Damien had had little to no interest, and had not added much to the flat in the time since. A few necessities and two shelves of books, but not much else.

The one thing Damien had managed to save and display from his former home were photographs that Peter had found in the ruins. They were set on every available surface, some in their original frames, some in new, cheap frames. There was a ragged book on the table next to the armchair that Damien obviously favored, and a worn afghan that Sirius had seen James rescue puddled on the floor.

For all that it was the saddest flat Sirius felt he'd ever seen, Damien greeted him rather cheerfully, asking him to join him in the kitchen for dinner. The kitchen didn't reflect the austerity of the rest of the place. The pots and pans were new, and the shelves were well-stocked. Damien pulled down a few tins of soup and opened them, heating them with quick, efficient taps of his wand and making hot chocolate with a few more. "Have a seat," he offered, and Sirius sat at one of the kitchen chairs.

In the light of the kitchen, he could see the dark shadows under Damien's eyes as the older man served him, and a few new lines. He wondered if they'd been there for a while and he was just noticing them, or if he noticed them because he expected Damien to look different after the events of yesterday.

"Did you see the new model that BMW put out?" Damien was asking, a shiny Muggle motorbike magazine on the top of the neat pile of papers on the table. "I'm thinking of going to test drive one this weekend."

"I didn't know you were thinking of buying a bike."

"I'm not," Damien admitted. "And I certainly can't afford a new BMW. But I don't intend on telling them that."

Sirius laughed, but his laugh was half-hearted. Just yesterday Damien had killed a woman using a curse that by all rights should have landed him in Azkaban for life, and here he was eating soup and talking about test driving motorbikes.

Damien didn't seem to notice his pensiveness, however. He chatted amicably about the motorbike and cars, and about a Ferrari that he wanted to try out and a Mustang that he wanted to buy used and recondition. If Remus was here, Sirius knew he'd be pleased to see the old passions surging again, but tonight, Sirius couldn't stand it.

Couldn't stand it until they'd finished their soup and went into the living room, where Damien poured a glass of whiskey for them both as they settled into armchairs. Out of habit, Sirius picked up the frame nearest to him and studied it. It was a picture of Marilyn and a four-year-old Remus sitting on the couch in their pajamas, torn wrapping paper scattered around their feet. Marilyn had a cup of coffee and was smiling tiredly, and Remus was leaning against her shoulder and holding a stuffed bear with a ribbon around his neck. Sirius recognized it as the one he'd pulled from the wreckage.

"That's Peanutbutter," Damien said, glancing over at the picture. "Ask Remus about him sometime."

The words were light, but now the mask had dropped and Sirius could see the grief etched on the man's face. Damien leaned forward and took the picture from Sirius, touching it gently. "That was Remus's fourth Christmas. It was the last one before he was bitten. The next Christmas was…" Damien shook his head and fell silent.

"She looks so young to me here," he said finally, touching the picture again. "It's funny. All those years we were married and I never really saw the changes in her. She complained about her thighs getting larger or gray in her hair, but I never really saw it. I only saw her."

Sirius nodded, and he suddenly realized that Remus now had threads of gray in his own hair. He'd noticed, yes. But it hadn't sunk in.

Damien put the picture down reverently, and toyed with the gold band he still wore. "I miss her, Sirius," he confessed, his voice cracking. "Every day, I miss her. I can't believe she's gone. Not always. Not forever."

"Um." Sirius desperately wanted to say something, but for once in his life was at a complete loss. Everything would be wrong. But Damien was still staring at his ring, lost in the past and in pain.

"I know it should be getting better, but it doesn't. Every day I wake up and I think she should be there beside me, and we're home, and any minute Remus will come in and bounce on our bed to wake us up and I should sleep while I can. And every time I reach for her she's not there, and then the reality that she never will be again comes crashing down on me. I could kill them for that."

"You did kill one for that," Sirius said softly.

Damien looked up, eyes blazing. Sirius certainly never considered himself a coward, but he hadn't felt this scared in Damien's presence in years. "You would, too," he said. "Tell me, if someone killed someone you loved- if someone killed Peter, or James, or… or Remus… tell me you wouldn't kill them."

Sirius opened his mouth to deny it. But the words stuck in his throat.

***

It took them a week and a half to plan a strategy, and even then, both Regulus and Remus knew it was a paper thin one. The whole escapade was preposterous. Artifacts that had belonged to Rasputin were not prominently on display in the former Romanov home, and both of them were pretty sure that the reliquary would be under some sort of protection by wizards.

There were anti-Apparation wards on the entire palace, which shocked neither of them. Portkeys were not effective either. And the place was guarded not only by Muggles, but also by wizards. However, they'd done this before.

They finally discovered a weakness. "Ventilation shafts," Remus muttered. "Why is it always ventilation shafts?"

"It's a chimney," Regulus said.

"Same thing, in function."

"I guess." Regulus pulled on black trous and a black shirt. "I know the cat burglar outfits we're wearing fall into that description, but ventilation shafts?"

"In cinema, anyway," Remus said.

"Wouldn't know. Never been. Are you ready?"

Remus picked up his wand. "I'm ready."

It was easy to get in. Too easy, Remus thought as he followed Regulus through the chimney. It dumped them in a room that wasn't on the tour path, empty and dusty and dark.

"Lumos" Regulus muttered, and a faint light illuminated the tip of his wand. Remus stayed close, reluctant to light his own for fear of attracting more attention.

They crept through the rooms, searching. They'd come to the conclusion that anything belonging to Rasputin would be in the bowels of the palace, so they made their way down to the cellars.

"How do we even know it's still here?" Remus whispered. "What's to say that no one else ever stole it? Or looted it? For all we know, a Muggle could have it."

"The Dark Lord did a Locator Charm on it," Regulus confessed.

There was something wrong with that, and as they entered yet another room of the cellar, Remus realized what it was. "With all the secrecy that the Soviet Union hides behind, how could he do a Locator Charm?"

"He's powerful," was the best explanation that Regulus offered. He pulled out a sketch of the cellars of the palace that he and Remus had constructed from information that they could find in a Soviet library. "Look. If we're right, we might have some luck in the next room."

"No," Remus said suddenly as they stopped and another door appeared. "This is it."

The room they entered was dark, with thick layers of dust and heavy cobwebs on the surfaces and in the corners. It was a study, with a carved desk piled high with old papers and walls lined with books. Regulus moaned as he saw them, pulling one down and opening it with reverent fingers.

"Don't even think about it," Remus said, not able to hide his grin.

"But these are… they're… I mean, look at them! They're all books of magic!"

"They're also probably books of Dark Magic," Remus reminded him.

Regulus gave him a withering glare. "In case you've forgotten, Lupin, we are on a mission for the Death Eaters."

Remus pursed his lips and looked around again.

There were scrolls, sealed with black wax and piled half-hazardly. There were old, dusty quills, and dried up pots of ink. There was a shelf of trinkets and artifacts: chalices, jeweled boxes, bowls and pieces of jewelry. There was a Pensieve that Remus itched to look in, and a cabinet that, when opened, revealed shelves of potions ingredients.

"I wonder where his wand is," Remus whispered to Regulus.

"They probably broke it," Regulus decided. "See anything that looks like the reliquary?"

"I'll check the desk drawers."

"I'll take the cabinet," Regulus said.

As Remus pawed through the desk, he had a glimmer of what Regulus was saying earlier. There wasn't really much interesting in the desk; there was parchment, more ink, bits of twine and blobs of wax. In fact, it looked like the contents of pretty much any desk anywhere in the world, Remus supposed. It did give the Mad Monk a certain humanity.

He was musing about that when Regulus hissed at him. "I've found it," he said, brandishing a large crystal topped with a tarnished bronze piece.

"Great. Let's get out of here."

"But the books-"

"No. Let's just get-"

There was no warning; only a flash of light and then a deep voice booming, "Put your wands on the floor and put your hands behind your head."

They both froze.

There was an exchange in Russian, harsh voices and clear anger. Regulus sucked in his breath, and nudged Remus. When Remus turned, he saw Regulus's eyes wide open, and suddenly knew what he wanted.

Because Regulus wanted him to see it, it was right there on the surface, easy to find and easy to interpret. It was the translation of two words of the conversation: Kill them.

They had to get out of here, and now.

The blast was deafening. It had come from Regulus's wand, bringing down rubble and dust. "Run!" Regulus shouted, and Remus took off for the door.

Two wizards blocked his path, dressed in red robes. One was smiling, and it was a smile Remus had seen long before, years and years ago in nightmares and in childish reality. The wizard raised his wand, and Remus dove aside just as the Avada Kedavra was fired. The green bolt of light hit the potions cabinet and the sound of breaking glass echoed.

In the Soviet Union, the Killing Curse wasn't an offense for those who kept the peace.

He heard a cry of pain from Regulus and breathed a quick thankful gasp: pain was better than death. Then his attention was diverted back to the two wizards closing in on him.

Transfiguration had always been his friend in these situations. It was a sure enough way of reducing your enemy without resorting to killing them. But as Remus fired a transfiguration spell at one of the wizards, he saw the spell deflect and suddenly a pedestal became a rabbit. Beside him he heard Regulus swear, and he knew whatever Regulus had tried hadn't worked, either.

Seven wizards around them at least. They were closing in, their wands trained on them both. Beside him, he heard Regulus breathe in deep, and he knew that both of them would do the same thing.

In times of stress, they say your life passes before your eyes. It wasn't his life, per se, not in a series of images and pictures. But Remus was suddenly, intensely aware of the smell of his mother's perfume, the feel of canvas under his knuckles, the pain of a full moon, the taste of wine, the tickle of a teddy bear's fur, James and Peter and Sirius and their laughter, the tang of blood and the scent of fear and everything swirling together as he raised his wand.

A section of the ceiling fell, burying two screaming Soviet wizards under the avalanche. Remus was nearly sick, but he held on.

And beside him, Regulus raised his wand as well, pointing it at another approaching wizard.

"Avada Kedavra."
***

"Peter," Sirius said, hands shoved in his coat pockets as he entered the Leaky Cauldron. The inn was largely deserted tonight; Sirius supposed many people weren't daring to venture out these days.

"Sirius," Peter said, smiling as he pushed a pint of dark ale over to Sirius's spot. Sirius noticed that his friend looked tired and drawn. "How are you?"

"Had better days," Sirius said. "What about you?"

"I could say the exact same," Peter sighed. "Did you hear what Dumbledore wants me to do?"

"No. What?"

Peter sighed. "I need to go to Dublin for a week. Dublin! Dumbledore has some people he wants me to make contact with. Recruiting and trying to convince them to join the Order."

"Sounds like a good job," Sirius said.

"I guess," Peter said, although his face was twisted in annoyance. Sirius suspected Peter had meant to complain about it, but changed his tune at Sirius's response. "I'm just not fond of being away from Tina for that long. I don't know how you and Remus do it."

"Do what?"

"Well, you travel so much. Sometimes it seems like you're gone on missions more often than you're home."

"I guess," Sirius said, tracing his finger down the condensation on his glass. "But Remus and I aren't you and Tina."

Peter looked up sharply. "And just what do you mean by that?"

"Oh, calm down Wormtail. I don't mean anything by it. But you and Tina are like Prongs and Lily, you know? Talking about marriage and kids and lifetimes and all that. Remus and I aren't."

"I thought you loved Remus," Peter said, his voice defensive.

Sirius rubbed his chin, trying to remember when he'd told Peter that. Then again, maybe he hadn't. Peter might be a bit thick at times, but he could be very observant when he wanted to be. "I do," he said, drawing out the syllables, "but love doesn't have to mean a lifetime."

"So after a few years…"

"Who knows? That's more the point. Maybe I will spend my life with Remus," he said, although the words sent an odd shiver down his spine that wasn't entirely comfortable, "and maybe I won't. That's the point."

Peter nodded. "Anyway," he said, retreating rapidly from the discussion of deep emotion, "don't you ever worry?"

"I worry we might be killed, sure. Who doesn't these days?"

"But more than that?" Peter asked. "Don't you ever worry about… temptation?" He looked nervous, and suddenly Sirius realized what was bothering Peter.

"Don't worry, mate," he said, clapping Peter on the shoulder. "She's not going to find another bloke just because you're gone for a week. And if she does, especially after all this time, you're better off without her."

Peter made a face. "Easy for you to say." He fiddled with his napkin. "I found a letter in her drawer."

"A letter?"

"I didn't mean to look," Peter said, "but it was from Thomas Mortigan. You remember him, right? The Ravenclaw keeper?"

"Yeah. What did it say?"

"Nothing, really. I mean, it didn't seem like a love letter. But why didn't she tell me they were writing? What's she hiding?"

Sirius shook his head, squashing down a shaft of doubt as he thought of the letters in Remus's dresser drawer. "She's probably not hiding anything. There's all sorts of reasons people don't advertise their correspondence."

"Can't think of many," Peter said grumpily. "Only if they're hiding something they don't want you to see."

"Or if it's just not that important," Sirius said. Or if it's dangerous for your lover to know any more, I suspect, he added in his head. "Come on. Forget this, and let's play a game of darts."

Peter finished his beer. "You're on."

They stayed at the Leaky Cauldron until two in the morning, and when Peter left, he seemed much happier and more comfortable, and promised to bring Sirius back something from Dublin. Sirius watched him go before he Apparated home to the flat. The conversation about Tina had bothered him. Sirius knew Remus didn't trust Tina at all, and sometimes, he wondered if Moony didn't have a point. But on the other hand, Peter seemed so happy…. It was all too confusing, and he was glad that he and Remus didn't have to deal with that sort of shite.

But before he went to bed, he read the letters in the dresser drawer again.

***

They were running, Remus and Regulus, running through the streets of Leningrad. Remus stumbled over a curb, and Regulus reached down to grab his arm, pulling him roughly to his feet. Their breath came in harsh sobs.

They stumbled into a park, and Regulus was the one to collapse on a bench. Remus bent over, hands on his knees as he gasped for air.

"We have to keep going," he said.

"Five of them," Regulus said, and there was a sob in his voice. "We killed five of them."

"I know." Somewhere deep inside, Remus was screaming. "But they would have killed us. We know that, Regulus." But Remus was shaking.

He'd killed two, in fear for both his life and Regulus's. He had never killed before. Not as a werewolf, not in the alley the night he and Lily were attacked, and not that night in his home, when his mother died, although there it was merely a lack of opportunity. He'd killed- something he'd tried his entire life not to do. And yet, that wasn't something he could think about now.

"We've got to get out of here," he said, standing up and putting his hands on his head, still trying to catch his breath. The spring breeze was cold against his sweat soaked shirt. "Regulus, we've got bigger problems."

Regulus looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Didn't you notice anything odd about the way they accosted us?"

Regulus's brow furrowed in thought as he replayed the scene, and Remus could see the precise moment where it all clicked together. "They spoke English," he said, suddenly. "They didn't even try Russian."

"Exactly," Remus said. "They knew we were coming."

***

Their flight from the Soviet Union was something of nightmares. They couldn't risk returning to the inn for their belongings, and they were in a strange country where they didn't know the Apparation points or the Wizarding society. Their fear heightened the darkness and they could both hear their hearts pounding in their ears.

They stole broomsticks. Regulus made a weak joke about how after what they'd done, broomstick theft seemed like a small crime, but Remus was nearly sick again, thinking that he was uncomfortable taking charity from well-meaning friends, and here he was actually stealing. But there was no time for another solution, and no time for conscience. And, some part of Remus admitted, Regulus probably did have a point.

In the cold air above unfamiliar country, clarity began to return. Guilt churned in his gut, and as he looked at Regulus, flying beside him, he knew Regulus felt the same way. Remus wondered if this was the first time that Regulus had used the Killing Curse. From the miserable hunched shoulders and the bowed head, he suspected it was.

But then, Remus realized, it wasn't only guilt haunting Regulus. There were not many people in the world who knew where they were and what they were going to do, and Remus would bet money that Sirius hadn't been sending anonymous tips to Soviet guards about his whereabouts. Someone in the Death Eaters- perhaps even Voldemort himself- wanted him and Regulus dead.

It wasn't a terribly chilling thought to Remus. After all, if Voldemort ever truly suspected what he was, his life was forfeit anyway. But Remus had never even met the man, whereas Regulus had seen fit to swear service.

But guilt and loyalty were abstract things at the moment. The next question was how to get out of the country alive, and once they did, what happened next.

Hours later, just before the sun broke over the horizon, they landed. "I've got to stop," Regulus admitted, his teeth chattering. "I'm freezing."

Remus nodded, rubbing his own arms for warmth. "Where do you think we are?" he asked. He looked around.

They'd landed in a meadow of sorts; a desolate wasteland- or at least, it looked it in the gray light of a cold pre-dawn. Regulus breathed on his hands, looking around. "I have no idea," he finally confessed. "Maybe Lithuania. But it's going to take us days to get out of the Soviet Union if we keep taking brooms."

"How about Portkeys?" Remus asked. "We really just need to get out of the country and home."

"We can take a train home," Regulus mused. "You still have your papers on you, right?"

"Right. But they'll be looking for us?"

"No." Regulus shook his head. "Not outside the country, I don't think."

"I hate to remind you, but we killed five wizards. We're wanted criminals."

Regulus shook his head impatiently. "It will drop. The Soviet Ministry has enough problems without searching for us. Once we're outside the country- or at least out from behind the Iron Curtain- we'll be fine."

"If you say so," Remus said doubtfully. "So how do we get out of the country, and how do we get home from there?"

"The second is easy. The first…" Regulus scratched his chin. "The Soviet Union is a big country. I can't imagine the anti-Apparation spells take up the entire border."

"Or we could not Apparate. Sneak out the Muggle way."

Regulus dug through his pockets, and finally pulled out a map. "I did bring this," he said. "Just in case. Dolohov gave it to me. I think we can trust it."

"If you say so," Remus said.

"It's not like we have much of a choice. But he did defect from the Soviet Union." Remus nodded and peered at the map. "He told me he left here." Regulus jabbed at a section of the border. "There's no wizarding guards right here, or at least, there weren't when he left. Probably because it's so heavily guarded by the Muggles. However, anti-Apparation spells are extremely heavy there, as are a few others. We can't just walk through, of that I'm sure. I'm guessing it will be like in the Imperial Palace; we won't know what they've put there until we get there."

"Great." But it was the best plan they had.

It took them a full day to reach the border; a full day of harrowed silences and constantly glancing over their shoulders, ready and waiting for the entire Red Army to come after them. A full day of no food and minimal water, because they only had what they'd carried into the Palace, and they couldn't risk stopping anywhere. All day Remus imagined everything that could go wrong- and there were so many scenarios- that the day and the countryside seemed interminable.

Finally, they landed in a dense forest. There were watch towers, and from here Remus could see the small forms of Muggle guards keeping a lookout. Regulus landed beside him, breathing heavily. Remus could see that his shoulders were shaking. However, his face was set in harsh lines, firm with resolve.

"I've been thinking about it," Regulus said. "We know there's an anti-Apparition spell in effect. We could try a Portkey, but I suspect that that's no good, either. It would be too easy."

Remus nodded. "So any ideas?"

"You're good at Transfiguration," Regulus said, and Remus nearly fell over with shock at the casual way Regulus paid him a compliment. "We could do human Transfiguration."

"Regulus-"

"No, hear me out. This should work. The kind of charms they'd lay on the border to prevent people from flying out would be the kind that would cause broomsticks to fail, right? Braking charms and the lot? Any sort of barrier would be too hard to keep up over the entire border. Plus, Muggles would notice with birds falling dead and their airplanes, right?"

"I guess," Remus said doubtfully.

"So, you Transfigure me into something that can fly, like a pegasus or a hippogriff. I'll carry you over the border, high enough that the Muggle guards won't see us.

"I could do that. But what if there's some sort of anti-Transfiguration work, you turn back into a human, and we both fall to a gruesome death from seven hundred feet in the air?"

Regulus shrugged. "Then Voldemort gets his wish, doesn't he? Both you and I are dead."

***

"Black."

It was late, and the office was nearly deserted. Sirius looked up to see Doge standing over his desk, a case file in hand. "Yes, sir?"

Doge fiddled with the edge of the folder- a gesture of uncertainty that Sirius had never seen him make before. "I debated for a long time about giving you this," he said. "Especially in the light of your recent… problems."

Sirius debated it, and then decided he really didn't feel like dealing with the consequences of hexing your boss. "Give me what?" he asked tiredly.

"This is not a case for you to be working on," Doge continued. "In fact, I want the file back on my desk in the morning. You are not to be involved in any way. I'm having Kinns and Longbottom handle this one."

"All right," Sirius said, suspecting he should be filling with dread. But nothing flooded him- he felt dead inside. "What is it?"

Doge dropped the file on his desk. "Just so you know. If it was me, I'd want to know. I'll leave you alone."

Sirius watched him retreat, and then opened the file. With a jolt equivalent to a lightning strike, he saw Regulus's face, name, and details. And under the suspected activities was the attack on the Lupins.

***

Human Transfiguration was difficult, but it was something Remus had worked at until he could accomplish it perfectly. The truth was that he'd always been a bit jealous of the others' Animagus powers (even if they had gained them for him), and had felt a little inadequate as well. It had come in handy, both in struggles with Death Eaters and… at other times. (James had never quite forgiven him for that time seventh year when Remus had turned him into a wombat, and it had been worth every second of the month's detention he'd served.) But human Transfiguration still carried its risks, and Remus always had that flash of nerves right before he did the spell. He felt the shaft of fear down his spine as he spoke the words, and then Regulus was gone and a winged horse was standing in front of him, pawing at the ground.

The pegasus was black, with a clipped mane and deep, dark wings. There was an elegance to him that Remus found almost laughable, just given what a shaggy mutt Sirius made when he transformed. They stared at each other, and the eyes that met Remus's were startled, but still reflected the human intelligence and haughty pride that characterized Regulus.

Remus hesitated for a moment, and then the pegasus nudged him with his nose, tossing his head back in an indication to mount. He reached out and touched the black mane hesitantly, and then clambered up. The pegasus reared back, and with a powerful leap they were airborne.

Remus had ridden brooms before, many times. He'd always loved the freedom of flight and the wind rushing through his hair. He'd ridden Sirius's motorcycle, and loved that even more, especially with his arms around Sirius's waist and the scent of leather in his nostrils. He'd even once ridden a hippogriff, during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson. But nothing in his life had been like this.

The pegasus's flanks were strong and warm beneath his legs, and the motion of the wings rippled the muscles beneath him. He clung to the neck as he leaned forward, soft, hot hair beneath his hands and cheek. They were soaring, the trees dwindling to tiny toys beneath them, and then Remus saw the watchtowers pass below him. Nothing happened. Regulus didn't turn back into a human, they didn't hit a wall of death rays or static… they just flew over the border.

He'd expected they'd land immediately, but the pegasus continued to fly, dipping and soaring through the sky. Several of the maneuvers sent Remus's stomach plummeting through his mouth and made him clutch at the neck for dear life, but when the pegasus looked back, Regulus's eyes were amused.

Finally they landed, and Remus slid off, his legs shaking and his heart in his throat, adrenaline coursing through him. He took a deep breath and pulled out his wand, and then Regulus was standing in front of him again, laughing and exuberant.

"That was great!" Regulus said, nearly bouncing where he stood. "I mean, that was bloody brilliant, flying like that! Wings!" Remus laughed, although he was feeling rather shaken himself between the two Transfigurations, the flight, and the escape. "If I thought I could do it, I would have flown us all the way back to England!" Regulus exclaimed. "As it is, when we get to the ocean, let's do it again. Turn me into a pegasus again and I'll fly you all the way home!"

"But until then, let's find a train station," Remus said, but without any heat. In the moonlight and in the aftermath, Regulus's face had softened. His eyes were bright and he was smiling with pure joy, something Remus had never seen from him. And for once, he looked like the seventeen year old boy he was. "We really do need to get home. And there's a lot to figure out."

"I know. But, oh! If I could fly like that again…. You know, my mother once wanted to attempt the Animagus transformation. If I could turn into something with wings on demand…"

"You don't pick the animal you turn into," Remus reminded him.

"I know," Regulus said. "But imagine you could." He kept up a steady stream of monologue as Remus performed a Locator Charm to find the nearest train station and then began spelling a Portkey. He was still talking when they were seated in a comfortable compartment and Remus drifted off to sleep, the sound of Regulus's happiness in his ears.

It was still dark when he woke. Regulus had turned on the light in their compartment, and was now curled in a corner, staring out the window at the darkness.

"Is everything all right?" he asked Regulus. Regulus nodded mutely, and Remus rubbed his eyes. "No one's after us?"

"They'd have caught us by now if we were," Regulus said. "We weren't that subtle." His hand drifted to his side to caress the book he'd been reading. Automatically, Remus glanced at the title, and his eyes widened in shock as he saw the Cyrillic letters.

"That's one of the books from Rasputin's library!" he said.

"Yes. One Rasputin wrote himself."

"Regulus! I said-"

"I know what you said. Shut up."

Remus was certainly used to hearing far worse from Regulus, but after their time in the Soviet Union and especially their escape, the harsh tone stung. He looked at the book again, but he couldn't tell anything about it, except that it seemed like it would be full of Dark Magic. Regulus went back to staring out the window, his face troubled. He was lost in thought already.

Remus looked at the book again, and wished Peter was here to help him figure out if the bad feeling he got was just nerves or an actual premonition.

***

Sirius walked for miles, leaving the bike at the Ministry. The spring night was chilly, with a light rain falling, but he was oblivious. Regulus was a suspected Death Eater.

It shouldn't bug him like this. He hadn't spoken to Regulus since his own sixth year, since he'd run away from home. He hadn't even thought much about the little twerp. But now that face was the only thing he could see in his mind.

He started in the general direction of the Potters, until he heard the clock chime three. Three in the morning- he'd had no idea it was that late. If James lived alone, Sirius would have gone there anyway, but with Lily in her seventh month of pregnancy… he wasn't that cruel, or that masochistic. He sighed and turned, continuing his lonely trek.

He didn't snap out of it again until he found himself in front of his own door, key in hand and rain water running down the collar of his jacket to freeze his neck. He opened the door to a dark and empty flat, and entered tiredly.

He knew he should sleep- he had to be back at the Ministry in a matter of hours. But instead he found himself wandering the flat again, until he finally opened the drawer with the letters Remus was keeping from his Death Eater correspondent. And now he recognized the handwriting.

I am trying to save one single soul! Remus had told him, and Sirius had responded that it wasn't important. He'd had no idea….

Letters in his lap, Sirius sank down on the couch and wept.

***

It took them two days to get home, and when they did arrive at the ocean, Regulus appeared to have forgotten his desire to fly. He was the surly and haughty Death Eater again, constantly reading the book he'd stolen from Rasputin's library and muttering to himself. Remus was relieved to part ways, even as he had the desolate feeling he'd made no real progress.

It was two in the morning when Remus arrived home, and the lights were off in the flat. He crept in quietly, aware of the late hour and the likelihood that Sirius desperately needed sleep. He fumbled out of his shoes and cloak and padded to the bedroom.

As he'd guessed, Sirius was asleep, curled on his side and hugging a pillow to him in a posture that went straight to Remus's heart. He desperately wanted to remove that pillow and slip into his spot under Sirius's arm, but he was hungry and filthy and those needed to be taken care of first. He leaned over and tenderly kissed Sirius's temple, brushing aside the black hair. Sirius sighed in his sleep, but didn't wake.

Remus made his way to the kitchen and put together a quick sandwich, wolfing it down without hardly tasting it. The weight of food in his stomach was uncomfortable; he regretted eating quite so quickly. He sat at the kitchen table for a moment, sifting through the papers that Sirius had left there. There were headlines of death and destruction and disappearances… he pushed them away.

The uncomfortable sensation in his stomach began to subside, and he made his way to the bathroom and shucked off his robes, climbing into the shower and just standing under the warm spray, palms and face tilted up.

The rustle of the curtain and cold air at his back were the only warnings he had before a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and a face nuzzled into the crook between shoulder and neck. Sirius was pressed against him, hard and already lubricated. Remus chuckled deep in his throat and dropped his hands to cover Sirius's, and Sirius needed no other encouragement before he was pushing into Remus, pinning him against the cold tile of the wall and breathing harshly.

It hurt. There'd been no preparation and over two weeks away from each other, and even if Regulus wasn't a homophobic bastard Remus wouldn't have been sleeping with him anyway. It hurt, but pain faded to something that was tolerable and mingled with intense pleasure, and Sirius was against him and around him and in him again, and the feeling of that reduced Remus to a quivering mess against the wall.

"Miss me?" he gasped when Sirius slumped against him, forehead against his shoulder and sated but still close.

"Don't leave again," Sirius whispered, and the tone of his voice was ragged. "Please."

Remus fumbled for his hand and squeezed it.

They didn't speak again until they were warm in bed, Sirius's head resting against Remus's shoulder, his arm heavily around Remus's waist. "Are you all right?" Remus asked.

Sirius was silent for a long while. Then, "Regulus?" he whispered.

Remus stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about, Sirius," he said.

"You do."

Remus closed his eyes, unable to deny it. "Don't ask me about it, Sirius. If you value my life or his, please don't ask me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius finally asked.

"I couldn't. It's that dangerous, Sirius. Please. Trust me."

He heard Sirius's breath in his ear, ragged and slow. "All right," Sirius finally said. "I'll trust you, Remus."

Comments

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

This is where it really gets hard to read, because all the tension, the fear, mistrust -- you can feel it building. You'd think that knowing how it's gonna end would make it easier to bear, but it doesn't. You've fleshed out these characters to the point where you feel you'd recognize them if they walked by you on the street, and you can't help but care what happens to them. This is a wonderful update. Thank you.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! It's getting a bit hard to write, too, because their relationship is starting to disintigrate. I really want to bang their heads together. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

(Random things I love about this part, added as I read: )

Sirius trying to say he's fine, and that everyone else has suffered worst loses is so real. A friend of mine usually tries to say her problems are nothing and starts saying all the bad things that happened to other people she knows, usually mentioning what happened to me, and I always say that's just a stupid thing to say, cause she's still not ok.

If Sirius was killed, it would be in battle. It would probably be quick.

T-T I'm tearing up just cause of that! Damn it.

Actually, that whole conversation is completely amazing. The hints about why Remus will later be thought to be a traitor, Sirius's desperation, it's a great scene.

Then he had to wonder if someone had placed it their deliberately
'There'.

"Actually, you look more like I'd have through your Uncle Alphard would have looked when he was our age."
I'm guessing that it's 'thought' and not through.

History geek!Regulus is so fun. I'm loving the character more and more as I read. xD Not that I didn't love him before, of course...

------

(On to the second part)

Geez, Damien talking about Marilyn is making me all sad again... You did a great job at showing what it feels to lose someone you love so deeply.

Regulus as a winged horse is so cool! xD And I love how you made him steal that book... HBP added some really cool stuff to this fic :D

Yay for that last R/S scene! I'm so sorry for Sirius though, knowing what happens to Reg and all. Or everything else, actually. Damn, their story is too sad! T-T Anyway, I was talking about the R/S shower part. Lovely. And quite angsty at the same time.

Geez, I feel like I felt after the end of HBP. Like there's this big ending fight waiting to happen. And I'm just waiting for more people to be killed and for the story to get sadder and sadder, until we get to the epilogue...
But anyway, AWESOME chapter! Definitely worth the wait!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it so much. With the long wait in between, I was worried people would be disappointed.

History geek!Regulus is so fun. I'm loving the character more and more as I read. xD Not that I didn't love him before, of course...

I'm loving him more and more as I write him. It's a pain that I had to replot, but at the same time, I'm glad, because it makes Regulus so much more fun. I'm having a lot of fun with the geek characterization of him. This poor Regulus never had any sort of a girlfriend, either. It's funny, because the Tonks/Remus thing didn't really mess this fic up, but that one little note from Regulus....

Glad you liked it!

[yma2.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was a brilliant chapter. It is getting hard to read now, in the sense that it's getting so dark, but it's wonderful too. There are sparks of wonder in it. Like Regulus's bits here, where he became so much fuller a character (I love your characterisation of him here.) I especially adored the bit where he was turned into a Pegusis, it seems to work so well for him.
Never the less I find myself reading this and mentally counting down the time they have left, which can't be that much now. I feel so sorry for them both. And I love the way you're showing the effectso of using the killing curse and such like, very realistic.
All the relationships here are so wonderfuly depicted, all the emotions so beautifully brought out. I'm glad you're continuing this and I cannot WAIT until the next part.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think the next part will be quicker in coming (hopefully back to my once a month or whatever), because now I know where I'm going again. (Regulus actually being important really threw me for a loop!)

I suspect it's going to get harder to write as well, although on the bright side, my Sirius and Remus never hit the point where they hate each other or are that cold to each other. But I have one huge argument coming up (probably in part 12) that's going to be flat-out painful... ::sigh:: Why couldn't JKR give them a nice happy ending?

Thanks!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_deia/]

Another wonderful chapter, even if it was heartbreaking to read. I missed this universe so damn much. And I know it's only going to get worse from now on, and I keep hoping you'll turn it into an AU and change the next couple of years of their life, just so my sappy little heart can be satisfied. At the same time it's just perfect the way it is.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I wish I could turn it into an AU (because JKR is MEAN), but the whole point of writing this was to explore and show how R/S could work and Sirius could still suspect Remus of being the traitor without resorting to some of the cliches. But on the bright side, I am SO putting an epilogue on this that takes place at the end of PoA, because I refuse to end the story in 1981. (I also refuse to end it with Sirius's death.) Glad you enjoyed it!

[brieza.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! I especially loved Remus' and Regulus' misadventure in Leningrad. And Sirius' finding out about his brother being the one Remus works with. I felt for Sirius in this chapter, he was so alone. Great job!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) I had a lot of fun with Remus and Regulus. They're turning into quite the pair. (And reminding me I really need to write Caradoc and Moody having adventures in their younger days!)

[sleeper6.livejournal.com]

Well, first congrats on the baby. Bet it's great (and a lot of work too), huh?

Great update. You did well by all your characters, Remus and Regulus especially. I feel like I've gotten to know Regulus through this, because this is how I imagined he would be. He's human and haughty and spoiled and scared and doubtful and lonely. You've captured all that here. Love the R/R dynamic.

And of course, Sirius is falling to pieces, as if for the first time he's not in control of anything in his life. And with Remus shutting him out of a part of his life, he's not sure what he can--or should--do anymore.

Did like how they were all torn up over seeing others die, or having to kill others to save themselves. They're fighting a war both on the outside as well as on the inside. Fantastic characterizations. And fantastic job here.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Well, first congrats on the baby. Bet it's great (and a lot of work too), huh?

Thanks :) It is- both great and a lot of work. But he's so stinking cute :) (Sometimes quite literally!)


And thanks on the feedback! I'm really glad people are enjoying this- especially Regulus. I'd written him off as unimportant originally, but I've had a lot of fun with him being important.

Sirius is falling to pieces, as if for the first time he's not in control of anything in his life.

I'm SO glad this really came through, that Sirius doesn't know how to deal with the lack of control.

Glad you enjoyed it!

[maglors-finch.livejournal.com]

If this is what you come up with after half a year's pause, I wouldn't mind waiting another six months for chapter 12. Every sentence counts, and my attention never wavered for a moment, which is rare for such a long text, especially when I start reading after midnight.

One of my favourite ominous sentences was Sirius's: "It's not that. It's that they're giving you something we can't give you." It's so obvious he's going to remember this once the whole spy business comes up... Generally, the way you describe/show Sirius in this chapter is a brilliant back-projection (is that a word?) of the character we see in PoA and OotP. It's easy to see how someone like this can come unhinged.

I absolutely love both Regulus and Damien Lupin. (I'm not sure what this says about me, seeing they were both characters using AKs in this chapter, but you're just very good at making me love characters. Plus Regulus is my current favourite.) The description of Damien's flat and his words about missing his wife weren't only realistic, but also hartrending.

Regulus is very much like I imagine him, and his exhilaration after the pegasus episode was a joy to read. Am I very far off the mark in thinking the Russian book he stole will turn out to contain information about horcruxes? It's a pity you can't incorporate Remus's reaction to the "testament" of R.A.B. into this fic. Or can you?

The end, finally, made my throat constrict.

[maglors-finch.livejournal.com]

One was smiling, and it was a smile Remus had seen long before, years and years ago in nightmares and in childish reality.

p.s. Is this a reference to Greyback?

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

Am I very far off the mark in thinking the Russian book he stole will turn out to contain information about horcruxes?

YES!!!! :):):) You are not far off the mark at all, and because I hoped people would pick it up I'll TOTALLY confirm it- that's exactly what that book contains. The idea was that it took so much effort to kill Rasputin because he had a horcrux, and once a wizard destroyed it, the Muggles were able to kill Rasputin. But he did write about it in the book that Regulus stole. Given how obscure the knowledge of horcruxes is, I needed a realistic way for a 17 year old kid to find out about them, and Rasputin worked even better than I'd planned! I was very, very proud of that particular detail, and I'm SO happy someone picked up on it!!!!

It's a pity you can't incorporate Remus's reaction to the "testament" of R.A.B. into this fic. Or can you?

::sly smile:: You'll just have to see, won't you? :)

I absolutely love both Regulus and Damien Lupin. (I'm not sure what this says about me, seeing they were both characters using AKs in this chapter

Actually, Damien is one of my favorite characters as well, and a lot of it is because of some of his moral ambiguity. As much of a jerk as Damien can be at times, what it comes down to is that he's a man who would do anything for his family and often believes that the end justifies the means. If he was a Muggle, Damien would have made a military career, I think. He doesn't believe that killing is right, but he believes it can be necessary, and I think, because of his losses, he's very able to comprehend that they are at war. Regulus, on the other hand, is a scared kid that's now aware of what he's capable of and not liking it too much.

And yeah- that smile was Fenrir Greyback :)

Glad you liked it so much! :)

[skylark74.livejournal.com]

This was a wonderful chapter. Poor Sirius needs a hug. :(

I absolutely loved the bits with Remus & Regulus - they should have their own spy series. :)

My favorite scenes were:
"You think so?" Remus shot back sarcastically. Regulus fixed him with an icy glare of death.

I can actually see the look that Regulus would give.

Of course," Regulus mused, "he was also reputed to have a thirteen inch cock."

Remus's eyes bulged out of his head. "Ouch," he said, before he could think of anything else to say. Regulus looked up, startled, and then began to laugh.

I was in tears from laughing so hard!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

they should have their own spy series. :)

They should. Regulus is so wasted in a sex-only role. There should be many, many fics where he gets into situations like this. He's so much more FUN that way.

And the Rasputin having a 13 inch cock thing IS an actual rumor... :)

Glad you enjoyed it!

[xrated13.livejournal.com]

AMAZING! So much action :)

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (I'm having fun with the action scenes.)

ail

[rissabby.livejournal.com]

This has taken me hours to read. Because, first I had to go back and read chapters 8 and 9 to get the flow of the story back and then you mentioned Alphard Black and I went and re-read Mentors (and it's sooo good). Then, you've mentioned Alex Summers, so I may end up going even furthur back because the Alex/Alex library routine was one of my favorite funny stories ever. And all of your writing is good, and all of my time well spent. Thanks for coming back to this story

Re: ail

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks- I'm glad you've enjoyed it! I am determined to finish this one!

[shaggydogstail.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. It was definitely worth all the time you took to incorporate new canon, becuause it all fits in perfectly and flows really well. I loved everything about the trip to the USSR, especially the way you interwove Muggle and wizarding history (Rasputin! yay)

I liked how you developed the underlying suspicions through this, and the whole theme of worrying about becoming/actually becoming a killer from different angles.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) It's funny what parts of new canon tripped me up. (Regulus. Heh.) The USSR was fun to write, and Rasputin could not have suited my purposes more perfectly- which is funny, because they were headed there before HBP.

Glad you enjoyed it!

[misscake]

I was on holiday when you posted this so I'm just getting around to reading it.

This chapter was well worth the wait. I think you've done a wonderful job with characterizing Regulus. I love how Sirius still doesn't realize just how much in love he is.

I loved it and yet it still gives me a lump in my throat to know what is to come.

Wonderful job!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the delay- I've been bad.

Thanks! I've been having a lot of fun with Regulus- he was one theory I was really glad to have been proven wrong on. (I didn't think he'd be important. And I certainly didn't think he'd be giving Voldie the two-fingered salute there!)

Heh. Both Sirius and Remus are clueless. In fact, Remus is probably more clueless about it than Sirius. Silly boys. :)

Thanks!

[paranoidsistah.livejournal.com]

I'm really loving this universe. I know that there are plenty original characters but it feels very cannon to me.

I agree with most, that this part was worth the wait (though I only waited a day for it.) I just started reading Deny Thy Father last Thursday and worked my way from Mentors to AIL. I love the way you write R/S. I like that you write them with their age in mind. I mean to say there's a lot of fic out there that write them as far older and more resigned to the war then I would think an 18/19 year old would be. I love how young(and clever) Regulus and Remus seem on their adventure.

I love your addition of Rasputin and hint of Greyback(that was as chilling as the veritaserum discussion you wrote between Peter and Remus, which OMG I loved.)

Pegasus Regulus juxtapose to Sirius' animagus was just great. Actually when ever you hit on the distinctions between the Black brothers it's really brilliant. I'm not sure what you planned before reading HBP, but I love your Regulus (I mean there isn't much of him out and I don't read the Blackcest so, I'm happy to see him here.)

I know you write Regulus as being homophobic and his questioning if Alphard died of pneumonia, I wonder if this was a dig on Alphard's sexuality on Regulus' part, it seemed like that's how Remus took it. (And if so, is this a dig on your part to the whole GAY=AIDS ignorance some people have that you mentioned in a recent post?) I think it is quite an interesting comment to be made in the time it was made and to be made between wizards which is why I ask.

Damien being the first Auror to AK someone is intense but regrettably understandable after everything he's been through and when he speaks of Marilyn it's really moving.

I'm glad I stumbled into these fics and this world. I like your writing and I think your plots and characterization are just amazing. I'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Thank you for posting it.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it :)

In terms of Regulus: he's actually why this chapter took so freaking long. HBP threw a big wrench into AIL, and it wasn't because of the Remus/Tonks relationship, which is ridiculously easy to get around. It was Regulus. I'd never assumed he was this important. So, that subplot definitely needed some major re-evaluation.

I agree that there's a serious lack of good Regulus fic, especially if you don't choose to read Blackcest (which I don't read, either). In fact, I actually never put Regulus in a sexual role, and sadly, this Regulus has never had a girlfriend. Poor guy.

I know you write Regulus as being homophobic and his questioning if Alphard died of pneumonia, I wonder if this was a dig on Alphard's sexuality on Regulus' part, it seemed like that's how Remus took it. (And if so, is this a dig on your part to the whole GAY=AIDS ignorance some people have that you mentioned in a recent post?)

Not intentionally, although that's interesting. Regulus never realized that Alphard was gay- he was making a dig at the werewolf aspect.

Alphard was more the black sheep in the family, more because he was the bachelor uncle who worked a job that was "beneath" him, and really didn't care as much about money. He was a pureblood purist for most of his life, and only began to question it once he was bitten. He didn't get along with his brother Arden at all, especially as they got older, so Regulus was sort of never very close to Alphard. Plus, Alphard thought Regulus was a brainwashed brat :) Arden Black did eventually find out that Alphard was a werewolf (when he was executed), and he might have told his wife, but they never told Regulus. That's my thought, anyway.

Thanks for commenting! :)

[wickedevra.livejournal.com]

I'm a tiny bit late, but this was a great chapter, both in story development and the tiny details that make it so engaging. I especially liked the little inserts about Alice and Lily's expectancy, knowing how they came from experience. And Regulus is awfully interesting. I'm glad you decided to continue with this, it was definitely worth the wait!

[aome.livejournal.com]

She complained about her thighs getting larger or gray in her hair, but I never really saw it. I only saw her.

It's funny, but this touches on a conversation I had just the other day, looking at wedding/50th anniv pics in the paper, wondering if the spouses saw the changes or just saw the person they married all those years ago.

*hugs Damien*

"With all the secrecy that the Soviet Union hides behind, how could he do a Locator Charm?"

Uh oh. That doesn't sound good.

promised to bring Sirius back something from Dublin

Did you know Guinness makes chocolate? :D

And now he recognized the handwriting.
I cottoned on moments before Sirius. Duh. *bangs head*

"Don't leave again," Sirius whispered, and the tone of his voice was ragged. "Please."

*sniffles*

Brilliant chapter. And every time S/R talk about trust, it's so bittersweet, knowing that must eventually dissolve. Wah.

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

More capers with Remus and Regulus! I love how those three little letters at the end of that note change so much. It was kind of funny when I read that and immediately went, "GASP! Regulus!" and then my non-fandom friends were all, "What the hell are you talking about, who?" Ah, we nerds of the fandom, it's so good to be us.

Anyway, aside from the flashbacks this is giving me, I'm still loving this. I am skeptical of Sirius's flashback being a perfectly innocent mental problem. What with all the other quite subtle manipulation of our boys, I suspect heinous fuckery most foul.

I honestly had to pause for a moment when Remus wished Peter were with him. This is so hard to read, knowing where it's going. It's like YFL that way- so compelling, and horribly difficult to deal with when we know how it ends.

And even if you never finish this, the Sirius-Damien scene needs to happen. It just does. I will prompt you with it on every prompt meme you ever post for the rest of your life until it happens. :)