Meme

[lls_mutant]

Like the little sheep I am, The Great Write Meme. I almost didn't bother, because I'm aware of a lot of the flaws in my writing. (I tend to get expository, I can meander, I can tend towards the melodramatic, and I definitely have typos because I'm terrible about using a beta, and not for the lack of offers.) But what the hell.

My mother told me about someone whose baby died of SIDS, and now I can't sleep. I know Toby will be fine. But I can't sleep tonight anyway. Howard is away, and I just get this awful image in my head of Toby dying and me having to tell Howard, and seeing the look on his face. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself. So I keep checking on him every half hour. At this rate, I'm gonna wake him up.

Billions of people, Liss. Every last person you know didn't die in infancy.

Comments

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the wonders of motherhood and daughterhood all in one breath. Motherhood makes you crazy and daughterhood makes you aware of it.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Motherhood makes you crazy and daughterhood makes you aware of it.

Truer words were never spoken, I think. ::sigh:: Thanks! :)

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

Gah! They mean well, they really do.

When I was pregnant with my first, we went to my husband's family reunion in New York State. His aunt's house was out in the woods, so she oh so helpfully told him to make sure I didn't get bit by ticks because lyme disease could cause birth defects. It was hot, I was big, and I kept myself covered the rest of the time there.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Eek! That sounds wretchedly uncomfortable!

But thanks- it's just good to hear that echo back that I'm not the only one who does this!

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

Your icon just melted my brain. In a good way. *pants heavily*

[lady-nimua.livejournal.com]

oh, the woes of being a mother.

[pinkfinity.livejournal.com]

You need an angelcare baby monitor and you need it tomorrow. They have it at babies r us, and most other large baby stores and it makes a TICK with each breath baby takes and if baby doesn't move or breathe for 10 seconds it sounds a piercing alarm that *will* wake you and it's not *technically* a sids-monitor but omg the peace of mind from it is incalculatable.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I'll have to discuss that one with hubby! Thanks for the suggestion. I was doing fine with it before my mom told me this story, so I'm hoping I can go back to normalacy, but if I can't.... Thanks for the info!

[lady-nimua.livejournal.com]

I can't seem to reply on the writing meme (error. stupid lj) so i'll tell you here-I LOVE YOUR FICS. LOVE THEM LOVE THEM LOVE THEM. okay, bye.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

::blush:: Thanks. :) (It seems like a few people were having that trouble!)

[calzamante.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I feel for you. I remember exactly what that was like. Wanting desperately for them to sleep so you could, but then as soon as they were asleep wanting to wake them up to make sure they were still breathing. I wouldn't recommend one of those angelcare monitors though, they just increase your paranoia - you lay awake waiting to hear every 'tick', convinced that more than ten seconds has passed since the last one... All I can say is - well, nothing of any use that you won't have heard before, really, so I'll sod off and leave you in peace!

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Actually, just hearing other people say they've been there and they remember that fear and everyone goes through it helps a lot. It keeps me something approaching sane! :) So even though it may not seem like a major thing to say, believe me, I appreciate it greatly! Thanks!

[wickedevra.livejournal.com]

Posting in the meme thread didn't seem to work, so here goes...
I love your fics. It still makes me warm-fuzzy inside to think I had a tiny part in nudging you towards putting DTF on the page. (I reckon it would have happened anyway, but still.) Forgot to tell you that an RL friend of mine (one by one I drag them to the dark side) read DTF and was very impressed. Alas he won't venture further cause he fears for the slash!
It was your writing that first made me see Sirius/Remus as a true and incredible relationship, and that's opened up a whole world in my head.
Your major strength as a writer is to be compelling in a range of genres, from action to angst to humour to smut to...
Am finally reading AIL 10 and loving it as always!

I hope you are sleeping now! You are a fantastic mom and I'm sure Toby will be just fine *hugs*

[aome.livejournal.com]

Calm thyself. :) If you wanted, you could find kids who died of everything, so don't start now, worrying about every little and extremely rare risk. It's like med students thinking they have every disease they're studying.

Although if you're really paranoid, you could try co-sleeping, with one of those little bassinettes that attaches to the side of the bed if you don't want him IN bed with you. I studied under someone who had done a tremendous amount of mother-child sleep research, and determined that there was little-to-no SIDS in those countries (which is pretty much any non-first-world-country) where the babies slept with their mothers. A child needs to be predisposed toward breathing risks in the first place, and I bet Toby's fine, but for those kids who are at risk, having the parent right there, and listening to them breathe, reminded them to breathe. Also, you'll be out of the bigger SIDS risk period pretty soon (after 4 mos). That's when kids switch from automatic breathing (as tiny infants) to volitionally controlled breathing.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reality check :)

I don't think we'll go to co-sleeping. We actually had to take him out of his bassinet because he was so active when he was awake, and until the other night I wasn't paranoid at all. It was just last night. I'm hoping it will just all go away and everything will subside. I have a feeling once Howard's back I'll feel tons better!

[marilla82.livejournal.com]

It's a perfectly rational fear, Lissa. I have the same fear about Elizabeth, though now that she's a bit older, it's subsided. You're just a good mommy who's concerned for her child. Nothing wrong with that, is there?

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Except it results in a lack of sleep ;) But thank you. It's just always good to hear so many other people say the same thing- it makes you realize just how rare it really is.

[marilla82.livejournal.com]

This is true. But, you do move past it. And there'll be other things you'll worry about, later down the line, that'll keep you up. Apparently, motherhood is a synonym for insomnia. :)

You (and Toby) will be fine!

[pfrsue.livejournal.com]

Paranoia is a major part of motherhood. Welcome to the fraternity! (Why do you think I'm going gray?) I went through the same thing when my son was an infant - my parents' next door neighbors lost their baby (same age as mine) to SIDS. I didn't sleep for two weeks. But you know, even kids who are older (especially kids who are older) are vulnerable to all sorts of perilous situations. It's not easy to be vigilent while granting them the freedom to grow and explore, but we do the best we can, pray a lot and hope for the best. So take a deep breath, relax, love your son. (And tell your mother what TMI means.) *Hugs*

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

I caught you on line for a few minutes anyway, but I just wanted to say thanks. You, more than pretty much anyone, keep me sane. ::hugs::