Mother guilt

[lls_mutant]

We're starting to come down hard on naps these days, because if Toby was left to his own devices he'd stay awake all day, and then he's a real grump at night. So every day around 1:00 I put him in his crib and let him cry it out. Normally, I'm okay with this. But today, I feel like absolute shit. Sore throat, post nasal drip, clogged ears, no energy, no appetite... just shitty. And I want him to go to sleep. (I also feel terrible because it hurts to talk, so I haven't been talking to him much.) So I'm sitting here listening to him cry and feeling incredibly guilty, especially because I have no intention of going in there quite yet. He's just had a huge bottle and been changed, and it's his "I'm pissed because you're not paying attention to me and I don't WANT to sleep" cry.

Tell me I'm not being a shitty mother for wanting my kid to nap. :P

Comments

[mauvaise-etoile.livejournal.com]

Aww, you're definitely not a shitty mom for wanting him to nap. In fact, I think only a sane mom would insist on naps because otherwise you'd have no "you" time. And no you time means a miserable mommy, which means a miserable household. See, it all makes perfect sense. ;)

[medicinal-mirth.livejournal.com]

You're not a shitty mom, not at all. Like you said, if he doesn't take a nap, he'll be a grump tonight. And in my experience, an overtired baby doesn't sleep so well at night. Hang in there. :)

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

You're not. He needs you to be fresh and wanting to spend time with him, not to be knackered and resentful.

(Plus there are the larger issues of training him into routines for later. He needs you to do that too.)

*hugs*

[merlinssister12.livejournal.com]

You're not being a shitty mom, but maybe this time, you feeling all out of sorts yourself you should have a nap too.

[adrenya.livejournal.com]

You're not a shitty mom. I can't get my five year old to sleep at night (and he doesn't even nap, he's manic). Sometimes the only way to get a baby to nap or even on some sort of a schedule is to let them cry it out.

[sasha-davidovna.livejournal.com]

Not at all. You said yourself that he'll be miserable (and make you miserable too) if he gets too tired during the day and it's more important that he sleep well at night anyway, so he can get into the routine.

And just between the two of us ;), there have definitely been days when I was sick or Emily was that I've contemplated the logistics of how one might best knock her unconscious, and I'm just the babysitter! :)

[aome.livejournal.com]

You are, in fact, a GOOD mother for getting your kid on a routine, and for helping him to learn to put HIMSELF to sleep. He'll get the hang of it. As soon as he's out, though, go take a nap yourself.

I've got the post-nasal drip, achy, not too hungry thing going on here, too, although I think you sound worse.

[minnow-53.livejournal.com]

You're being a perfectly normal, if slightly saintly, human being. Hope you'll feel better soon.

*lots of hugs*

^_^xx

[maglors-finch.livejournal.com]

You're not. I did the same when my youngest was a baby, and I felt like a monster. But eventually it worked.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

You are building character.

Because of what you do today, he will have the independance to leave the nest (when he's old enough), get married, and have a life of his own one day.

[misscake]

Awww, there is nothing worse than being sick and having to take care of your child, especially when they don't cooperate. Feel better!

But nope, you aren't a bad mommy at all. Wait until he's 7 and tells you that you are a bully and he hates you because you are making go to bed on time (as mine just did last night). Now we know what our parents meant when they said, 'This hurts me more than it hurts you.'

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine has a kid that sleeps wonderfully- dunno weather it's just eh kid's natural proclivity, or due to "the happiest baby on the block" guy's book.

I don't know where you stand on that guy's book, but it seems to have worked for some people. We get desperate sleep-deprived parents running to our bookstore looking for this book because it's been rec'd. *shrug*

regular naps seem to be the key for little kid's and parent's sanity and health

[lady-nimua.livejournal.com]

you're a good mom. you need to think of yourself as well, and there's nothing wrong with it.
a mother should be happy and well-rested for herself and her children case.

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

I shall tell you a little story - it was actually part of my eulogy about my grandmother:

"One of the stories she loved to tell Tami (my sis) and I was, when my father was an infant, she would put him in for a nap and he would cry and scream every time. Nothing was wrong – he wasn't hungry, didn't need a new diaper, wasn't too cold or too warm – he just wanted her attention as, of course, babies usually do. So my dad was screaming (and from what Grandma said, he had quite a healthy set of lungs on him) and after peeking to make sure it was indeed a tantrum, she decided naptime was naptime, and it was time to nip it in the bud and show him who was boss.

Bubbie (my great-grandma) and Aunt Faye (grandma's sis) both lived across the hall, (same apartment building in Brooklyn - they shared a landing) and of course they heard him screaming, and came running to see what was wrong. Grandma locked the door to her apartment and kindly told them both to mind their own business, went about hers, and let my father scream and cry himself to sleep. She's always say to us, 'If you give them a pinky, they'll take the whole arm.'

Of course she was a little more lenient with her grandchildren, because, as she reminded me quite often, the night Tami was born, my dad dropped me off to sleep over at grandma's and I threw such a tantrum – I wanted my own bed! – that she and Hesh (my grandpa) finally threw their hands in the air, got into the car and drove me home. Not that I remember this myself, and I always playfully accused her of exaggerating, but, well, at least I come by it honestly."


My dad DID stop crying when Grandma put him in for naps - eventually. It's a natural thing, sweetie, and you're NOT a shitty mother by any means! *HUGS*

[calzamante.livejournal.com]

God, I know it's hard, and you feel like the meanest bitch on earth, but they learn so quickly from such a young age - if you give in and pick him up he'll only learn, 'Hey, if I scream like a banshee Mummy'll come and get me out of bed!'. And you'll get it Every Time.

Truly, you're doing the right thing. It's a question of compromise for all of you, really - you and your husband are adapting your life to accommodate Toby's needs, but he also needs to learn to fit in with you...