Bits and Blatherings
Jul. 24th, 2006 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantI haven't done much proper updating, these days. There's a reason for that. I update when I'm:
a.) mildly depressed or irritated and need to vent
b.) bouncing off the walls happy
or
c.) I have a fandom vent or fic to post.
Well, life's been busy, so I haven't had nearly as much time for fandom. And my mood has been quite happy, but routine, so....
But I have time and the urge to write this, so there.
I still am writing fanfic, although not at the pace I was before Toby was born. Before Toby was born I had a LOT more time, and I didn't have to prioritize. I could write whatever the muse dictated. (Well, to an extent.)
This past month has been taken up with two big things: my paper, which I am SO glad to have the rough draft off my chest, and my![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
reversathon fic.
I had to laugh at myreversathon assignment (you'll see why when you see the big reveal, if you're interested), but at the same time it was very frustrating. The only reason I didn't write back to the mods and request another assignment was one simple sentence that gave me an out and some inspiration. To be honest, after I concieved the idea I got VERY excited about it, and it kind of, erm, got out of hand. 12,000 words, more or less, and it so could have been longer. Plus, it ends at a spot that works for the story, but SCREAMS "SEQUEL!!!" So that's where about 60% of my writing energy has been going. I've also gotten a few reviews done, and now I'm trying to get moving on Eiswelt, the world I'm writing with my 10 year old neighbor. (I so had to laugh. Her assignment for the last time was to come up with characters. She did a pretty good job- I was impressed. But she's definitely going through the Mary Sue stage. Which is fine- she's ten. We all do that, and I'm not going to give her a hard time over it. It's a phase, and an age-appropriate one at that. But when she did give one of her characters the flaw that she ALWAYS has to be right, I praised her for that. And of course, my characters, erm... more flaws than good things, usually.)
Anyway. I had a lot of fun withreversathon, but I wonder if I'll do it again next year. Aside from the time issue, I have to admit I don't have a lot of interest in reading most of the fics. I've been getting more and more into genfic these days, and not even reading much R/S. (Of course, all my favorite authors seem to be writing Dr. Who or SPN, neither of which I've gotten into, or Firefly, which I'll read but there I REALLY want gen....) What's really striking me about reversathon is the number of Snape romance fics. Not that I'm knocking anyone who enjoys that, but I just don't. The only Snape romantic situations I tolerate are Snape secretly in love with Lily (only because I suspect it's canon- I'm not fond of it), unrequited Snape in love with Narcissa (because it's much more interesting), Snape/McGonagall (because way back JKR hinted at a potential love interest for Snape in book 7, and I didn't realize there was a 35 year age gap between the two of them), and very, very specific Snupin. But overall, I would just really rather not read about Snape in a romantic situation. Heck, unless it's JKR writing about it, I generally don't care to read about Snape. Period. But not much gen popping up in reversathon. Which isn't a judgment, it's just what I want to read, y'know?
I am fully planning on doing![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hp_genholidays, though. In fact, I don't know if I'll bother with any other holiday exchanges, just because I can only take so many deadlines. And these days my favorite characters to write are Regulus and Peter. With Remus and Sirius, I have AIL (and this month Epilogue, which I haven't forgotten!), and I just wonder how much more I have to say about them, unless it's in the post-PoA timeframe.
Anyway, fandom projects on the burner are AIL, naturally, andfemgenficathon, which was going to be Luna dealing with Potions after her mother's death, but see my above note about Snape and is rapidly turning into the Molly-beater story. I'd like to write something for this month's omniocular challenge, preferably involving Percy, but I just haven't had time. Oh well. Howard's going to be out of town a LOT the next few months, which means I'll have evening writing time once Toby goes to bed.
As for real life, as I mentioned before, part of the reason I hadn't been posting was I was going through a depression. I'm positive that a good 80% of it had to do with my birth control pills. Now that I'm off them and the hormones are out of my system, I feel WORLDS better. I haven't bothered to find a new Pill because I don't want to mess with my emotions any more right now, and we'd eventually like another baby anyway. I'll deal with it in a few years.
But the other 20% of my depression was legit, and that's lifted, too. I've actually gotten better at talking to my husband and telling him what I need, I think. (I hope!) Which is good, because he's always willing to listen and always willing to do his best to help me, but he's not a mind reader, so me being able to communicate is good. But on top of that, Toby and I are getting out a lot more. We've got playgroups, a morning walking buddy for Mondays and Tuesdays and an evening walking buddy for most nights that Howard isn't home to go with us (he's definitely our preferred walking buddy.) We've been going to Gymboree and the park. Toby is also trying to walk (he holds on to my hands and stumbles around), so he's wearing himself out more and actually napping, which gives me a little time to myself. Plus, he's now fully on a schedule, so I can venture out at certain times. (I can't wait until he's on finger foods!) I'm beginning to feel like we're a part of the world again, and that's helped enormously.
Finally, the truth is that Toby is getting fun. I mean, I loved him beyond reason before. I really did. But as much as I loved him, let's face it-pfrsue is right. Newborn babies are an adorable leaky sack of fluids. Now, however, he can interact with me. He giggles and babbles and smiles when he's happy. He plays. He shows off. He's trying to walk, he likes to snuggle, and he's starting to realize a certain tone of voice means that Mom is NOT entertained. He's developing a personality and showing his likes (blocks, music) and dislikes (anything plush). It was worth it before, but now it's just so much more rewarding and unpredictable. Sure, there are still days he drives me insane. (Yesterday was one of them.) But in the past two months I think I've really finally adjusted to being home with him and being a mom. I wish people would tell you it can take so long to feel truly happy, and stop acting like if you have a child in your life you must be happy all the time and it's the most magical and wonderful experience every second.
So anyway, that's life in more-than-a-nutshell. If you made it this far, congrats and thanks for "listening"! :)
a.) mildly depressed or irritated and need to vent
b.) bouncing off the walls happy
or
c.) I have a fandom vent or fic to post.
Well, life's been busy, so I haven't had nearly as much time for fandom. And my mood has been quite happy, but routine, so....
But I have time and the urge to write this, so there.
I still am writing fanfic, although not at the pace I was before Toby was born. Before Toby was born I had a LOT more time, and I didn't have to prioritize. I could write whatever the muse dictated. (Well, to an extent.)
This past month has been taken up with two big things: my paper, which I am SO glad to have the rough draft off my chest, and my
reversathon fic. I had to laugh at my
reversathon assignment (you'll see why when you see the big reveal, if you're interested), but at the same time it was very frustrating. The only reason I didn't write back to the mods and request another assignment was one simple sentence that gave me an out and some inspiration. To be honest, after I concieved the idea I got VERY excited about it, and it kind of, erm, got out of hand. 12,000 words, more or less, and it so could have been longer. Plus, it ends at a spot that works for the story, but SCREAMS "SEQUEL!!!" So that's where about 60% of my writing energy has been going. I've also gotten a few reviews done, and now I'm trying to get moving on Eiswelt, the world I'm writing with my 10 year old neighbor. (I so had to laugh. Her assignment for the last time was to come up with characters. She did a pretty good job- I was impressed. But she's definitely going through the Mary Sue stage. Which is fine- she's ten. We all do that, and I'm not going to give her a hard time over it. It's a phase, and an age-appropriate one at that. But when she did give one of her characters the flaw that she ALWAYS has to be right, I praised her for that. And of course, my characters, erm... more flaws than good things, usually.)Anyway. I had a lot of fun with
reversathon, but I wonder if I'll do it again next year. Aside from the time issue, I have to admit I don't have a lot of interest in reading most of the fics. I've been getting more and more into genfic these days, and not even reading much R/S. (Of course, all my favorite authors seem to be writing Dr. Who or SPN, neither of which I've gotten into, or Firefly, which I'll read but there I REALLY want gen....) What's really striking me about reversathon is the number of Snape romance fics. Not that I'm knocking anyone who enjoys that, but I just don't. The only Snape romantic situations I tolerate are Snape secretly in love with Lily (only because I suspect it's canon- I'm not fond of it), unrequited Snape in love with Narcissa (because it's much more interesting), Snape/McGonagall (because way back JKR hinted at a potential love interest for Snape in book 7, and I didn't realize there was a 35 year age gap between the two of them), and very, very specific Snupin. But overall, I would just really rather not read about Snape in a romantic situation. Heck, unless it's JKR writing about it, I generally don't care to read about Snape. Period. But not much gen popping up in reversathon. Which isn't a judgment, it's just what I want to read, y'know?I am fully planning on doing
hp_genholidays, though. In fact, I don't know if I'll bother with any other holiday exchanges, just because I can only take so many deadlines. And these days my favorite characters to write are Regulus and Peter. With Remus and Sirius, I have AIL (and this month Epilogue, which I haven't forgotten!), and I just wonder how much more I have to say about them, unless it's in the post-PoA timeframe.Anyway, fandom projects on the burner are AIL, naturally, and
femgenficathon, which was going to be Luna dealing with Potions after her mother's death, but see my above note about Snape and is rapidly turning into the Molly-beater story. I'd like to write something for this month's omniocular challenge, preferably involving Percy, but I just haven't had time. Oh well. Howard's going to be out of town a LOT the next few months, which means I'll have evening writing time once Toby goes to bed.As for real life, as I mentioned before, part of the reason I hadn't been posting was I was going through a depression. I'm positive that a good 80% of it had to do with my birth control pills. Now that I'm off them and the hormones are out of my system, I feel WORLDS better. I haven't bothered to find a new Pill because I don't want to mess with my emotions any more right now, and we'd eventually like another baby anyway. I'll deal with it in a few years.
But the other 20% of my depression was legit, and that's lifted, too. I've actually gotten better at talking to my husband and telling him what I need, I think. (I hope!) Which is good, because he's always willing to listen and always willing to do his best to help me, but he's not a mind reader, so me being able to communicate is good. But on top of that, Toby and I are getting out a lot more. We've got playgroups, a morning walking buddy for Mondays and Tuesdays and an evening walking buddy for most nights that Howard isn't home to go with us (he's definitely our preferred walking buddy.) We've been going to Gymboree and the park. Toby is also trying to walk (he holds on to my hands and stumbles around), so he's wearing himself out more and actually napping, which gives me a little time to myself. Plus, he's now fully on a schedule, so I can venture out at certain times. (I can't wait until he's on finger foods!) I'm beginning to feel like we're a part of the world again, and that's helped enormously.
Finally, the truth is that Toby is getting fun. I mean, I loved him beyond reason before. I really did. But as much as I loved him, let's face it-
pfrsue is right. Newborn babies are an adorable leaky sack of fluids. Now, however, he can interact with me. He giggles and babbles and smiles when he's happy. He plays. He shows off. He's trying to walk, he likes to snuggle, and he's starting to realize a certain tone of voice means that Mom is NOT entertained. He's developing a personality and showing his likes (blocks, music) and dislikes (anything plush). It was worth it before, but now it's just so much more rewarding and unpredictable. Sure, there are still days he drives me insane. (Yesterday was one of them.) But in the past two months I think I've really finally adjusted to being home with him and being a mom. I wish people would tell you it can take so long to feel truly happy, and stop acting like if you have a child in your life you must be happy all the time and it's the most magical and wonderful experience every second. So anyway, that's life in more-than-a-nutshell. If you made it this far, congrats and thanks for "listening"! :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 08:02 pm (UTC)I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better all around, hormones and husbands and all that. And that Toby is starting to play!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 09:02 pm (UTC)I have the most adorable picture I have to post once I get motivated to steal my husband's card reader (or bug him enough to get me my own ;) ) of Toby playing. Expect cuteness in the near future.
Speaking of cuteness- that icon is absolutely adorable!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:09 pm (UTC)It is definitely different when it's your own kid. The funny thing is, I truly don't remember a lot about those first few months in terms of day to day. But you will get through it! :)
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Date: 2006-07-25 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 04:44 am (UTC)Hehehee. You've no idea how much this made me giggle.
Can't wait to read your reversathon fic. If I EVER catch up with my f-list...
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:14 pm (UTC)Reversathon fic won't be posted for another few days yet, so there's time. But I know what you mean!!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 07:25 am (UTC)I haven't read any of the reversathon fics yet. I plan to spend August on that - at least the non-snape ones! *g*. I'm too busy with things right now - including finishing my own story! (ACK!)
And Toby is adorable! But I have to take issue with his dislike of plush toys. Really! What is he thinking? :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:17 pm (UTC)I think I've read two and a half. I read the one with Albus and Sirius, and I read one of the Remus/Sirius and then part of the other one. So I'm feeling pretty caught up at the moment :) (I'm kind of glad there's so many Snape ones.)
It's funny that Toby doesn't like plush. He hasn't been crazy about them from the beginning, but man- a car or truck goes by and he watches like a hawk! It's like it's hardwired into him- it's really funny!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 07:54 am (UTC)*looks forward to pics*
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Date: 2006-07-25 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 02:08 pm (UTC)The thing about babies is that every stage has its own unique challenges and moments you love and moments you hate. It's definitely fun to see them so much more interactive, although it also means you are their favorite toy.
I may have mentioned this once before, but I remember reading an article shortly after my son was born that said something like... "for a woman, having a child is as traumatic a life event as losing a spouse" and the gist of the reason was because it is a permanent thing that forever changes you. That might sound negative and I don't mean it to be, only that I think that effect gets overlooked sometimes and we take on way too much guilt if we have any feelings other than "omg, I'm so happy!"
Enjoy the good days and know you aren't alone on the bad ones!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 08:21 pm (UTC)Thanks! :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 11:08 pm (UTC)Agree with you on the
Ahem. Sorry about that. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 02:14 pm (UTC)Heh, I know the feeling. I don't mind smut, perse, but I do like a story to go with it in general. And there's just some pairings/situations I can't believe, like Remus/Sirius/Hermione. Sirius is an intensely protective person. While I may have some issues with some things Remus has done (like not informing Dumbledore about Sirius's Animagus talent), pediophelia is NOT on his list of flaws. I can buy Sirius/Remus just fine, but either of them coming on to Hermione or accepting an advance from her? Just can't believe it.
And besides, everyone knows that if Remus, Sirius, and Hermione are all involved, it should be bananas. ;)
I always hesitate to say anything too inflammatory, because I know there are people who read my journal that like pairings like Harry/Snape, Harry/Draco, or whatever, and hey- who am I to judge what people read in their spare time? And in a twisted way it is nice that there's so much stuff I won't read, because I just don't have a lot of reading time these days, so it really cuts back on my guilt. But reversathon had such wide-open possibilities, unlike a pairing exchange, it is kind of sad to see so few gen stories so far. (Or heck with gen- even just stories where sex isn't the focus.)