Random Thoughts and Stuff
Jan. 6th, 2006 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantOkay, so I'm posting for two reasons: one is to "talk" to adults and not refer to myself in the third person as "Mommy", and the other is simply because I wanted to use my new icon, because the Swedish chef rocks.
Put under a cut to save f-lists everywhere. Anyway, not having a good morning. Toby's fine, but I'm still adjusting. Howard went back to work yesterday, and that was the first time I've been alone with the baby all day since I had him. The day was actually fine- it was the night that got me.
Toby isn't sleeping as much at night as he used to. He's still pretty good, but last night was a snack night. Let's have an ounce then go back to sleep. What's frustrating is it means he gets up again in another hour or two and wants another ounce. I tried to get him to take more, but he flat-out refused. He's not normally a snacker- yesterday during the day we had nice big feedings and 2.5-3 hours between meals. But every now and then he gets into snack mode, where not only does he take less than two ounces, but he takes a full hour to eat it. Which means my day (or night) amounts to "feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, repeat."
Last night I just got really frustrated with him. It's the first time since he's been born that I've been that truly frustrated to the point of near anger, and man, I felt guilty. I mean, he's a month old- it's not like he can control it. But since Howard's back at work, I'm the one getting up with him, and it's just exhausting. On top of that, I'm down to two pumps a day so my breasts were hurting, my Motrin was wearing off and I'd had a full day so my incision was hurting, I'd made meatloaf that had ketchup in it with dry hands, so my hands were hurting, and I have a crack in my foot, so THAT was hurting. I got him back to bed until 4:15, when he wanted food again. Then an hour later he needed a burp. Then an hour after THAT he wanted food. And right now I'm trying to stretch him to two hours between his feedings today.
On the bright side, he seems to be taking to the formula pretty well. He's certainly bright and alert, and yesterday he ate well. Hopefully he'll continue to take to it well, because he sure doesn't want to nurse, and pumping is a pain because I'm pretty much chained there. I've also decided that while I found What to Expect When You're Expecting helpful for my pregnancy, What to Expect the First Year is far less helpful to me. For one, it makes you feel like shit if you can't breastfeed, and it really doesn't answer many questions about bottle feeding. (It also says NOTHING about switching from breast milk bottles to formula bottles. ::Sigh::) And it also makes me feel very guilty for not rushing to Toby's side the minute I hear him whimper- or even cry. Look, sorry, but if I know he's hungry, I'm going to go to the bathroom before I feed him, okay? He'll live, and I doubt his self-esteem will be permenantly damaged because I made him wait a few minutes so I could pee.
Okay. It's 8:15. I can feed him.
Oi. We're still snacking. But now he's asleep (for a few minutes, anyway). If he lasts 20 minutes asleep, I'm taking a nap.
I actually wrote yesterday. Two pages of Accidentally In Love, and a review for Serenity. The review isn't that great- it boils down to "I liked it and now I need to watch Firefly", but it's a review. I was happy with what I wrote for AIL, and now I'm in a scene I've been dying to write since I figured out where this chapter is going.
I've also gotten to start reading A Game of Thrones. It seems like it's sort of a soap opera set in a fantasy setting. I suspect I'm really going to enjoy this!
Valentine's Day is fast approaching as well, which I need to think about since I really need to do my shopping online again. I hate V-day. For one, I hate the pressure to be all romantic just because it's one day. Two, I hate the fact it's only two months after Christmas. Why can't it be in July? Three, I hate the way it makes anyone who's single feel like shit. Why do we need a day to celebrate romantic love? I mean, I celebrate my love for my husband on our anniversary- a date that actually MEANS something to us. Three and a half, my husband's version of romantic gestures stretches into the practical, not the frivolous. His version of romance is bringing my car back with a full tank or shoveling the driveway or cleaning the toilets because he knows how much I despise doing that. I'd rather have his version. And four, what's with jewelry?
If you asked me what I wanted for V-Day, I'd be sure to reply that jewelry wouldn't go amiss and would be very romantic. Of course, I think my husband is more likely to get me Firefly on DVD. But you know, although I like jewelry, I don't wear it much. And when I do, it tends to be the nice costume variety. Heck, I don't even wear my engagement and wedding rings right now. (Partly because I still need to lose weight and partly because poopy diapers and diamonds don't go together too well.) So why the heck to I want jewelry? It baffles me.
So do flowers. Sure, I'd love a bouquet of roses. But they're expensive and only last a few days. (Okay, so I really wouldn't mind if he'd stop at the supermarket every now and get roses there, where they're like $10 a dozen instead of $60 a dozen.) Chocolates? Again, they don't last and I really don't need the calories anyway. In fact, the only Society Sanctioned Romantic Gesture I really appreciate is a nice dinner out, and that's largely for the company anyway. Plus, getting reservations can be impossible. Like I said, there's different kinds of romance, and the kind that V-Day pressures you to bring out isn't at all our style. (Except for the dinner. We probably will go out to dinner around V-Day.)
Anyway, there's my rant for the morning. Let's go see if the snacker is awake and if he is, let's give him a bath, shall we?
Put under a cut to save f-lists everywhere. Anyway, not having a good morning. Toby's fine, but I'm still adjusting. Howard went back to work yesterday, and that was the first time I've been alone with the baby all day since I had him. The day was actually fine- it was the night that got me.
Toby isn't sleeping as much at night as he used to. He's still pretty good, but last night was a snack night. Let's have an ounce then go back to sleep. What's frustrating is it means he gets up again in another hour or two and wants another ounce. I tried to get him to take more, but he flat-out refused. He's not normally a snacker- yesterday during the day we had nice big feedings and 2.5-3 hours between meals. But every now and then he gets into snack mode, where not only does he take less than two ounces, but he takes a full hour to eat it. Which means my day (or night) amounts to "feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, repeat."
Last night I just got really frustrated with him. It's the first time since he's been born that I've been that truly frustrated to the point of near anger, and man, I felt guilty. I mean, he's a month old- it's not like he can control it. But since Howard's back at work, I'm the one getting up with him, and it's just exhausting. On top of that, I'm down to two pumps a day so my breasts were hurting, my Motrin was wearing off and I'd had a full day so my incision was hurting, I'd made meatloaf that had ketchup in it with dry hands, so my hands were hurting, and I have a crack in my foot, so THAT was hurting. I got him back to bed until 4:15, when he wanted food again. Then an hour later he needed a burp. Then an hour after THAT he wanted food. And right now I'm trying to stretch him to two hours between his feedings today.
On the bright side, he seems to be taking to the formula pretty well. He's certainly bright and alert, and yesterday he ate well. Hopefully he'll continue to take to it well, because he sure doesn't want to nurse, and pumping is a pain because I'm pretty much chained there. I've also decided that while I found What to Expect When You're Expecting helpful for my pregnancy, What to Expect the First Year is far less helpful to me. For one, it makes you feel like shit if you can't breastfeed, and it really doesn't answer many questions about bottle feeding. (It also says NOTHING about switching from breast milk bottles to formula bottles. ::Sigh::) And it also makes me feel very guilty for not rushing to Toby's side the minute I hear him whimper- or even cry. Look, sorry, but if I know he's hungry, I'm going to go to the bathroom before I feed him, okay? He'll live, and I doubt his self-esteem will be permenantly damaged because I made him wait a few minutes so I could pee.
Okay. It's 8:15. I can feed him.
Oi. We're still snacking. But now he's asleep (for a few minutes, anyway). If he lasts 20 minutes asleep, I'm taking a nap.
I actually wrote yesterday. Two pages of Accidentally In Love, and a review for Serenity. The review isn't that great- it boils down to "I liked it and now I need to watch Firefly", but it's a review. I was happy with what I wrote for AIL, and now I'm in a scene I've been dying to write since I figured out where this chapter is going.
I've also gotten to start reading A Game of Thrones. It seems like it's sort of a soap opera set in a fantasy setting. I suspect I'm really going to enjoy this!
Valentine's Day is fast approaching as well, which I need to think about since I really need to do my shopping online again. I hate V-day. For one, I hate the pressure to be all romantic just because it's one day. Two, I hate the fact it's only two months after Christmas. Why can't it be in July? Three, I hate the way it makes anyone who's single feel like shit. Why do we need a day to celebrate romantic love? I mean, I celebrate my love for my husband on our anniversary- a date that actually MEANS something to us. Three and a half, my husband's version of romantic gestures stretches into the practical, not the frivolous. His version of romance is bringing my car back with a full tank or shoveling the driveway or cleaning the toilets because he knows how much I despise doing that. I'd rather have his version. And four, what's with jewelry?
If you asked me what I wanted for V-Day, I'd be sure to reply that jewelry wouldn't go amiss and would be very romantic. Of course, I think my husband is more likely to get me Firefly on DVD. But you know, although I like jewelry, I don't wear it much. And when I do, it tends to be the nice costume variety. Heck, I don't even wear my engagement and wedding rings right now. (Partly because I still need to lose weight and partly because poopy diapers and diamonds don't go together too well.) So why the heck to I want jewelry? It baffles me.
So do flowers. Sure, I'd love a bouquet of roses. But they're expensive and only last a few days. (Okay, so I really wouldn't mind if he'd stop at the supermarket every now and get roses there, where they're like $10 a dozen instead of $60 a dozen.) Chocolates? Again, they don't last and I really don't need the calories anyway. In fact, the only Society Sanctioned Romantic Gesture I really appreciate is a nice dinner out, and that's largely for the company anyway. Plus, getting reservations can be impossible. Like I said, there's different kinds of romance, and the kind that V-Day pressures you to bring out isn't at all our style. (Except for the dinner. We probably will go out to dinner around V-Day.)
Anyway, there's my rant for the morning. Let's go see if the snacker is awake and if he is, let's give him a bath, shall we?
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-06 05:25 pm (UTC)Any thoughts on what dads should know?
Lots :) Lots of thoughts, actually, not lots of things that dads should know.
The first big one is don't be scared about being Dad, or feel like you should stand back. One of the best things has been watching Howard bond with Toby as much as I have. (However, if you bond with the baby easier than your wife does, which IS possible depending on personalities and what kind of delivery she has, be prepared for her to feel a little jealous even as she's happy about it.) But no matter what, step up to the plate. There is only one task that women are better suited than men for, and that's breastfeeding. Everything else both mom and dad can do just as well. Change diapers, give baths, snuggle, snot-suck, trim nails... make sure you know how to do it all.
I expect this will be a big one for you, but don't be afraid to have different styles. I'm not just talking about how you relate to the baby, but EVERYTHING, from feeding to holding to picking the baby up. There's no one right way to do anything, and as long as you aren't doing something that's unhealthy for the baby, you're doing it right. But given that your wife (btw- can I refer to her by name, or does she prefer internet anonominity?) IS a doctor, I wouldn't be surprised if you felt unconscious pressure from yourself to do it her way, because she must know best. Pediatricians know about babies, that's definitely true. But they don't know everything about THIS baby that's here in front of them, and she'll be learning as much as you are. It might feel like she's way ahead of you on the learning curve, but when it comes to this baby, she may not be. She might know more about how a child's body works, but in time you'll both be experts on this particular baby. In fact, depending on how you work out childcare, you might even know more about your baby's cues and cries than she does.
That leads to thought #3: because she IS a doctor, and a very intelligent woman as well, be ready to be a huge support to her those times when she's clueless. Because she will be. One thing that sticks with me is when I was trying to nurse Toby, one of the maternity nurses told me she had a really hard time nursing which surprised her, just because of her occupation. She might get frustrated with this- especially when she's working off minimal sleep. Be there and be utterly supportive. Tell her she's doing a great job. She probably will be, but I know I so often feel like I'm not.
It took me a lot longer to bond with Toby than it took Howard. I think a huge part of that was because of the C-section: I couldn't hold him for long right away, and in the days immediately after I was tired and sore and couldn't really work with him because I was trying to (literally) keep myself together. I've had a lot of feelings of inadequacy and guilt over that, and feeling like I'm doing a terrible job. (This is definitely compounded by the fact Toby flat-out refuses to nurse.) From what I understand, that's more common than I'd have thought. Also, recovery from childbirth can seem short to a woman, but it DOES wear her out and saps her a bit (especially if she had a C-section or if she's nursing afterwards), which makes her more susceptible to these sorts of feelings. But the best thing Howard's done for me is constant reassurance. Open communication- not only about what's best for the baby, but what's best for you as Mom and Dad.
Of course, this is all based on my extensive reading of a book I just said isn't very good and one month of parenthood. ;)
The last thing I'd say is something everyone's told me, but now I totally understand why it happens. Make sure you make time for you and her, where, if possible, you don't talk about the baby. It's HARD because the baby is constantly awake, and by the time we do have time alone together we're so exhausted that making small talk is even difficult. But you definitely should make sure you're conscious of it from the beginning- I can see why couples fall out of it!
Aaand... there's Toby crying. :) Must scoot!