Random Thoughts and Stuff
Jan. 6th, 2006 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantOkay, so I'm posting for two reasons: one is to "talk" to adults and not refer to myself in the third person as "Mommy", and the other is simply because I wanted to use my new icon, because the Swedish chef rocks.
Put under a cut to save f-lists everywhere. Anyway, not having a good morning. Toby's fine, but I'm still adjusting. Howard went back to work yesterday, and that was the first time I've been alone with the baby all day since I had him. The day was actually fine- it was the night that got me.
Toby isn't sleeping as much at night as he used to. He's still pretty good, but last night was a snack night. Let's have an ounce then go back to sleep. What's frustrating is it means he gets up again in another hour or two and wants another ounce. I tried to get him to take more, but he flat-out refused. He's not normally a snacker- yesterday during the day we had nice big feedings and 2.5-3 hours between meals. But every now and then he gets into snack mode, where not only does he take less than two ounces, but he takes a full hour to eat it. Which means my day (or night) amounts to "feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, repeat."
Last night I just got really frustrated with him. It's the first time since he's been born that I've been that truly frustrated to the point of near anger, and man, I felt guilty. I mean, he's a month old- it's not like he can control it. But since Howard's back at work, I'm the one getting up with him, and it's just exhausting. On top of that, I'm down to two pumps a day so my breasts were hurting, my Motrin was wearing off and I'd had a full day so my incision was hurting, I'd made meatloaf that had ketchup in it with dry hands, so my hands were hurting, and I have a crack in my foot, so THAT was hurting. I got him back to bed until 4:15, when he wanted food again. Then an hour later he needed a burp. Then an hour after THAT he wanted food. And right now I'm trying to stretch him to two hours between his feedings today.
On the bright side, he seems to be taking to the formula pretty well. He's certainly bright and alert, and yesterday he ate well. Hopefully he'll continue to take to it well, because he sure doesn't want to nurse, and pumping is a pain because I'm pretty much chained there. I've also decided that while I found What to Expect When You're Expecting helpful for my pregnancy, What to Expect the First Year is far less helpful to me. For one, it makes you feel like shit if you can't breastfeed, and it really doesn't answer many questions about bottle feeding. (It also says NOTHING about switching from breast milk bottles to formula bottles. ::Sigh::) And it also makes me feel very guilty for not rushing to Toby's side the minute I hear him whimper- or even cry. Look, sorry, but if I know he's hungry, I'm going to go to the bathroom before I feed him, okay? He'll live, and I doubt his self-esteem will be permenantly damaged because I made him wait a few minutes so I could pee.
Okay. It's 8:15. I can feed him.
Oi. We're still snacking. But now he's asleep (for a few minutes, anyway). If he lasts 20 minutes asleep, I'm taking a nap.
I actually wrote yesterday. Two pages of Accidentally In Love, and a review for Serenity. The review isn't that great- it boils down to "I liked it and now I need to watch Firefly", but it's a review. I was happy with what I wrote for AIL, and now I'm in a scene I've been dying to write since I figured out where this chapter is going.
I've also gotten to start reading A Game of Thrones. It seems like it's sort of a soap opera set in a fantasy setting. I suspect I'm really going to enjoy this!
Valentine's Day is fast approaching as well, which I need to think about since I really need to do my shopping online again. I hate V-day. For one, I hate the pressure to be all romantic just because it's one day. Two, I hate the fact it's only two months after Christmas. Why can't it be in July? Three, I hate the way it makes anyone who's single feel like shit. Why do we need a day to celebrate romantic love? I mean, I celebrate my love for my husband on our anniversary- a date that actually MEANS something to us. Three and a half, my husband's version of romantic gestures stretches into the practical, not the frivolous. His version of romance is bringing my car back with a full tank or shoveling the driveway or cleaning the toilets because he knows how much I despise doing that. I'd rather have his version. And four, what's with jewelry?
If you asked me what I wanted for V-Day, I'd be sure to reply that jewelry wouldn't go amiss and would be very romantic. Of course, I think my husband is more likely to get me Firefly on DVD. But you know, although I like jewelry, I don't wear it much. And when I do, it tends to be the nice costume variety. Heck, I don't even wear my engagement and wedding rings right now. (Partly because I still need to lose weight and partly because poopy diapers and diamonds don't go together too well.) So why the heck to I want jewelry? It baffles me.
So do flowers. Sure, I'd love a bouquet of roses. But they're expensive and only last a few days. (Okay, so I really wouldn't mind if he'd stop at the supermarket every now and get roses there, where they're like $10 a dozen instead of $60 a dozen.) Chocolates? Again, they don't last and I really don't need the calories anyway. In fact, the only Society Sanctioned Romantic Gesture I really appreciate is a nice dinner out, and that's largely for the company anyway. Plus, getting reservations can be impossible. Like I said, there's different kinds of romance, and the kind that V-Day pressures you to bring out isn't at all our style. (Except for the dinner. We probably will go out to dinner around V-Day.)
Anyway, there's my rant for the morning. Let's go see if the snacker is awake and if he is, let's give him a bath, shall we?
Put under a cut to save f-lists everywhere. Anyway, not having a good morning. Toby's fine, but I'm still adjusting. Howard went back to work yesterday, and that was the first time I've been alone with the baby all day since I had him. The day was actually fine- it was the night that got me.
Toby isn't sleeping as much at night as he used to. He's still pretty good, but last night was a snack night. Let's have an ounce then go back to sleep. What's frustrating is it means he gets up again in another hour or two and wants another ounce. I tried to get him to take more, but he flat-out refused. He's not normally a snacker- yesterday during the day we had nice big feedings and 2.5-3 hours between meals. But every now and then he gets into snack mode, where not only does he take less than two ounces, but he takes a full hour to eat it. Which means my day (or night) amounts to "feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, repeat."
Last night I just got really frustrated with him. It's the first time since he's been born that I've been that truly frustrated to the point of near anger, and man, I felt guilty. I mean, he's a month old- it's not like he can control it. But since Howard's back at work, I'm the one getting up with him, and it's just exhausting. On top of that, I'm down to two pumps a day so my breasts were hurting, my Motrin was wearing off and I'd had a full day so my incision was hurting, I'd made meatloaf that had ketchup in it with dry hands, so my hands were hurting, and I have a crack in my foot, so THAT was hurting. I got him back to bed until 4:15, when he wanted food again. Then an hour later he needed a burp. Then an hour after THAT he wanted food. And right now I'm trying to stretch him to two hours between his feedings today.
On the bright side, he seems to be taking to the formula pretty well. He's certainly bright and alert, and yesterday he ate well. Hopefully he'll continue to take to it well, because he sure doesn't want to nurse, and pumping is a pain because I'm pretty much chained there. I've also decided that while I found What to Expect When You're Expecting helpful for my pregnancy, What to Expect the First Year is far less helpful to me. For one, it makes you feel like shit if you can't breastfeed, and it really doesn't answer many questions about bottle feeding. (It also says NOTHING about switching from breast milk bottles to formula bottles. ::Sigh::) And it also makes me feel very guilty for not rushing to Toby's side the minute I hear him whimper- or even cry. Look, sorry, but if I know he's hungry, I'm going to go to the bathroom before I feed him, okay? He'll live, and I doubt his self-esteem will be permenantly damaged because I made him wait a few minutes so I could pee.
Okay. It's 8:15. I can feed him.
Oi. We're still snacking. But now he's asleep (for a few minutes, anyway). If he lasts 20 minutes asleep, I'm taking a nap.
I actually wrote yesterday. Two pages of Accidentally In Love, and a review for Serenity. The review isn't that great- it boils down to "I liked it and now I need to watch Firefly", but it's a review. I was happy with what I wrote for AIL, and now I'm in a scene I've been dying to write since I figured out where this chapter is going.
I've also gotten to start reading A Game of Thrones. It seems like it's sort of a soap opera set in a fantasy setting. I suspect I'm really going to enjoy this!
Valentine's Day is fast approaching as well, which I need to think about since I really need to do my shopping online again. I hate V-day. For one, I hate the pressure to be all romantic just because it's one day. Two, I hate the fact it's only two months after Christmas. Why can't it be in July? Three, I hate the way it makes anyone who's single feel like shit. Why do we need a day to celebrate romantic love? I mean, I celebrate my love for my husband on our anniversary- a date that actually MEANS something to us. Three and a half, my husband's version of romantic gestures stretches into the practical, not the frivolous. His version of romance is bringing my car back with a full tank or shoveling the driveway or cleaning the toilets because he knows how much I despise doing that. I'd rather have his version. And four, what's with jewelry?
If you asked me what I wanted for V-Day, I'd be sure to reply that jewelry wouldn't go amiss and would be very romantic. Of course, I think my husband is more likely to get me Firefly on DVD. But you know, although I like jewelry, I don't wear it much. And when I do, it tends to be the nice costume variety. Heck, I don't even wear my engagement and wedding rings right now. (Partly because I still need to lose weight and partly because poopy diapers and diamonds don't go together too well.) So why the heck to I want jewelry? It baffles me.
So do flowers. Sure, I'd love a bouquet of roses. But they're expensive and only last a few days. (Okay, so I really wouldn't mind if he'd stop at the supermarket every now and get roses there, where they're like $10 a dozen instead of $60 a dozen.) Chocolates? Again, they don't last and I really don't need the calories anyway. In fact, the only Society Sanctioned Romantic Gesture I really appreciate is a nice dinner out, and that's largely for the company anyway. Plus, getting reservations can be impossible. Like I said, there's different kinds of romance, and the kind that V-Day pressures you to bring out isn't at all our style. (Except for the dinner. We probably will go out to dinner around V-Day.)
Anyway, there's my rant for the morning. Let's go see if the snacker is awake and if he is, let's give him a bath, shall we?
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-06 07:01 pm (UTC)Also, please keep in mind that your husband may have to GO to work (outside the house), but you are working all day long just as he is - by taking care of Toby and holding the household together. Yes, that is real work. Therefore, please do not make yourself into a martyr of the "My husband needs his rest so I should be the only one getting up with him" variety. If you don't get some semi-proper sleep now and then, you won't be able to do YOUR job. And now that Toby is on formula, there is NO excuse as to why husband can't share in the getting-up. Take turns (ie, alternate times he cries, or alternate nights, or something) so neither one of you gets overburdened (and under-slept). Getting more sleep will help you deal with the frustration. Getting an hour to yourself on a regular basis will help, too - either get husband to watch Toby, or get a friend/family member/babysitter to help out so you can take a bath or run a kid-free errand, or browse the bookstore. Or nap. ;)
As for V-day - have you talked this over with him? Let him know what you'd really appreciate and what means nothing to you? Heck, if you don't like the timing, set your own V-day. Buy a card now and save it until ... March 23rd or something. Or July, as you stated. Besides, the roses won't cost as much, regardless of where they're from, if they aren't purchased at that date. (Frankly, I've tried to talk my husband OUT of buying expensive V-day roses, but he won't hear of it. Every year I get some. And they're lovely, but I can't help but think of other places that money could be spent.)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-08 02:12 pm (UTC)And thank you for the reality check on getting up in the middle of the night. Fortunately, as you saw in my next post, hubby realizes that too. We've decided we won't have an official schedule, and I'll probably still have to get up more because I CAN sleep when Toby sleeps, but he said of his own accord it's definitely not fair on me. Phew!
As for V-Day, we actually feel the same way about it. We do it anyway because we like to get gifts for each other and it does give us something to look forward to in the middle of winter, and we like the excuse to go out to dinner. But I like to rant about it anyway, because years of being single made me despise the holiday on principle :) And that's exaclty how I feel about roses. (Grocery store roses are fine. But florist roses... let's spend the money somewhere else.)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-08 05:44 pm (UTC)