The Entomology of Mommyhood
Jun. 19th, 2006 01:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lls_mutantI was thinking about this little rant today as I mopped the floors. Actually, it's been on my mind for a while. But hey.
I try not to take part in the Mommy wars. You know, the factions that go so hard at each other about a woman in the workplace vs. a woman staying at home with their kids. I consider myself something of a feminist, and to me, the feminist movement meant that women should have a choice as to what they want to do with their lives. Work or stay home or (if you're REALLY lucky) something that mixes the two- it's for you and your partner to decide.
That said, obviously I do have strong feelings about me staying home with kids, or I wouldn't have done it. I do think children benefit from a parent at home, and I do think that a lot of kids today are such brats because parents are so busy they do what's easy instead of right. However, I don't think that the two are inherently connected. I know parents that both work outside the home full time that have wonderful children, and I knew plenty of brats when I was growing up that had stay-at-home moms. What it really comes down to is that I think different things work differently for different families, and each family must independently decide what the best arrangement for them is. I do think it's sad that it's so hard to make it on one salary any more, even if people want to live within their means. (Do you know how HARD it is to find a house in the low-to-mid 200 range in the Northeast? That's what my sis wants, and she can't find one that's not 50 years old and in need of major repairs. It's insaaaaaaaaaaaane.)
But someone asked me what I do the other day, and when I said "Oh, I'm home with my son," they said "oh, so you're a full time parent?" Well, yes, but not because I stay home. ALL parents are full-time parents, whether they work outside the home or inside it. Just one of those things that gets my goat. I might do it this way, but I'm certainly not going to throw stones at families that do it another way, and I'm REALLY not going to say that those women care less about their children than I do just because they go to work and I stay home.
That said, the other word I just can not bring myself to use is housewife. It drives me nuts in someways, because guess what, Liss? It's exactly. what. you. are. I am a housewife. And yet, I cringe just writing that. Why? The term "stay at home mom" (my preferred) doesn't bother me at all. "Housewife" sets my teeth on edge like nails on a chalkboard. It conjures images of 50's hairdos and sad country songs about men who don't appreciate all that their women do for them.
I think there's several reasons I really hate the term. To me, it IS a 50's term, and yeah, I don't like the imagry that goes with it. There's also something to be said about the country song thing, too. I actually have a husband that, I feel, for 85-99% of the time, fully realizes and appreciates how much I do around the house. There's something about the mental image of housewife that conjures up the Al Bundy husband- the one who comes home and sits on his ass and drinks beer as his wife slaves away. We all have our days where we feel underappreciated, and I'm certainly no exception (I'd also bet he isn't, either!), but I feel like the term "housewife" is somehow disrespectful to my husband, as well.
I think, too, there's the fact I don't plan on doing this all my life. Once the kid/s are in school, I fully intend to go back to work outside the home. And finally, "stay at home mom" reflects exactly why I am home and not out earning a paycheck, whereas "housewife" doesn't.
I don't know. I guess trying to diet is bringing on an identity crisis or something. But I'd better go blow up the kiddie pool. Now THERE'S a diet incentive- it's bathing suit season!
I try not to take part in the Mommy wars. You know, the factions that go so hard at each other about a woman in the workplace vs. a woman staying at home with their kids. I consider myself something of a feminist, and to me, the feminist movement meant that women should have a choice as to what they want to do with their lives. Work or stay home or (if you're REALLY lucky) something that mixes the two- it's for you and your partner to decide.
That said, obviously I do have strong feelings about me staying home with kids, or I wouldn't have done it. I do think children benefit from a parent at home, and I do think that a lot of kids today are such brats because parents are so busy they do what's easy instead of right. However, I don't think that the two are inherently connected. I know parents that both work outside the home full time that have wonderful children, and I knew plenty of brats when I was growing up that had stay-at-home moms. What it really comes down to is that I think different things work differently for different families, and each family must independently decide what the best arrangement for them is. I do think it's sad that it's so hard to make it on one salary any more, even if people want to live within their means. (Do you know how HARD it is to find a house in the low-to-mid 200 range in the Northeast? That's what my sis wants, and she can't find one that's not 50 years old and in need of major repairs. It's insaaaaaaaaaaaane.)
But someone asked me what I do the other day, and when I said "Oh, I'm home with my son," they said "oh, so you're a full time parent?" Well, yes, but not because I stay home. ALL parents are full-time parents, whether they work outside the home or inside it. Just one of those things that gets my goat. I might do it this way, but I'm certainly not going to throw stones at families that do it another way, and I'm REALLY not going to say that those women care less about their children than I do just because they go to work and I stay home.
That said, the other word I just can not bring myself to use is housewife. It drives me nuts in someways, because guess what, Liss? It's exactly. what. you. are. I am a housewife. And yet, I cringe just writing that. Why? The term "stay at home mom" (my preferred) doesn't bother me at all. "Housewife" sets my teeth on edge like nails on a chalkboard. It conjures images of 50's hairdos and sad country songs about men who don't appreciate all that their women do for them.
I think there's several reasons I really hate the term. To me, it IS a 50's term, and yeah, I don't like the imagry that goes with it. There's also something to be said about the country song thing, too. I actually have a husband that, I feel, for 85-99% of the time, fully realizes and appreciates how much I do around the house. There's something about the mental image of housewife that conjures up the Al Bundy husband- the one who comes home and sits on his ass and drinks beer as his wife slaves away. We all have our days where we feel underappreciated, and I'm certainly no exception (I'd also bet he isn't, either!), but I feel like the term "housewife" is somehow disrespectful to my husband, as well.
I think, too, there's the fact I don't plan on doing this all my life. Once the kid/s are in school, I fully intend to go back to work outside the home. And finally, "stay at home mom" reflects exactly why I am home and not out earning a paycheck, whereas "housewife" doesn't.
I don't know. I guess trying to diet is bringing on an identity crisis or something. But I'd better go blow up the kiddie pool. Now THERE'S a diet incentive- it's bathing suit season!
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Date: 2006-06-19 09:45 pm (UTC)